Still Here
by ChristianGateFan
Summary: What if Drusilla took her interrogation of Giles too far? What if he was killed & turned, but the Scoobies got to him in time to return his soul? Can the gang keep it together with their world upside down? AU post Becoming P2.
1. Chapter 1

Well, here we go. This is the post-Becoming Part 2 AU Giles-centric fic I promised. Perhaps the general idea has been done...maybe even a lot, but then again I haven't done much browising at all. I wouldn't know. So any similarity to anything else out there is purely coincidental.

Anyway, I hope you like the beginning, and please do let me know what you think so I know whether or not to continue. Thanks! :)

Still Here

"Sorry...I was in the moment."

Rupert blinked at the voice, and the dream was gone. It wasn't Jenny, crouched in front of him, but the vampire Drusilla.

And he realized what had happened.

_God no..._

Not Jenny. It had never been Jenny. He should have known that. He knew she was gone...but he was hurting, and so very, very tired, and...he hadn't thought. He had only felt. He'd wanted to believe it was her, and the trick played on his mind had made it easier to go along with.

And now Angelus knew how to awaken Acathla.

The vampire seemed to realize that his prisoner had snapped out of it, and Giles stared after him in horror as he smirked at the Watcher and sauntered away. "Thanks, Rupert. Couldn't have done it without you."

Spike rolled his eyes and then rolled his wheelchair, away from the scene. Drusilla hopped up as if to follow, but then she paused.

_What now? What more can they do?_ Rupert wondered miserably.

He'd failed. He'd failed Buffy, the world...

What would Jenny think of him now?

Instead of leaving with the other two, Drusilla closed the curtains again, that separated the alcove they were in from the rest of the main room of the mansion. She turned back to look at him, smiling in her strange, not-quite-sane way. The vampire slipped back to his side; crouched beside him again.

"There there, now. I'm in no hurry. We wouldn't want the puppy to feel lonesome. The end of the world will wait for little old me."

She was close, in his ear. Giles wanted to pull away, but he didn't have the energy...didn't have the will beyond the vague sense that he should.

Everything was going to end, and it was his fault. He took a breath, and it caught in his throat.

"Spike says to keep you for now," Drusilla purred. "Says that perhaps you were still lying. _I_ don't think the poor little man gave me a story. If I wanted a story I could make you tell one. There would be flowers...and birdies...and dollies. But I don't want a _story_..." She made a growling sound, and giggled. "I want one last dance before the big finale."

He stared at nothing, uninterested in whatever she considered fun. He thought he might even welcome pain. Part of him felt he deserved it now. He didn't know what she meant, and very nearly didn't care.

Until she bit him.

Rupert let out a pained gasp of surprise. He jerked, and felt her fingers twisted in his hair, holding his head to the side where she'd jerked it as she drank. He struggled, but soon it was no good even to try. It didn't work. What little strength he'd had left was leaving him with his blood.

So thanks to Angelus the relationship between Spike and Drusilla had deteriorated this much...that she would ignore him...go against his wishes..

Giles realized he was going to die.

Drusilla's lips pulled back from his throat just enough for her fangs to come up and then down again, reclaiming their grip in his flesh. Giles gave a weak shout, and that was all. His vision was clouding.

After another moment she released him, and his head dropped back on the back of the chair. He was looking at the ceiling as it faded above him.

_I'm sorry...Buffy..._

He didn't know what Drusilla was doing until he felt sharp pain, as she pulled his head up again by the hair. He didn't even have the strength to gasp anymore.

What was the point? What was she doing?

And then he saw—barely saw because he could hardly see—the pushed-up sleeve of her dress, and the thin slice she'd drawn across her wrist.

_No...!_

With her other hand still holding his head up, she pressed her wrist to his mouth. "Go on, dolly. You'll be all better soon, if the world is still dancing then. And Spike and Angel won't be angry; you'll still be able to tell us if you were lying. You'll be _glad_ to tell us if you were lying," Drusilla giggled.

Giles tried to pull away. He tried to move, just enough...he tried to do _anything_, but there was nothing to do it with. No energy. Not enough blood.

So his body took what it needed.

He didn't think about it. He didn't decide to do it. But he was drinking, sucking greedily from the neat gash on her wrist. There was no way _not_ to do it. After all, if all those turned into vampires had to agree first, their numbers would be smaller. There had to be some way to make certain they could create more of their own.

"That's a good dolly," the vampire cooed.

Finally Drusilla pulled away, and he heard her stand as his head fell back again. He was gasping now, small gasps—the desperate breaths of a dying man.

The ceiling was fading faster this time, and what of it Giles could still see blurred from tears.

_No...no._

Nightmare. It was pure nightmare. Worst fears...They couldn't all happen at once, could they? It was a dream. A horrible dream...

Buffy. Willow. Xander. All of them...

Even if the world didn't end, what would a demon with his memories do to them?

Dimly, he heard the curtain open, but instead of Drusilla's soft footsteps leaving, there was the quiet squeak of a wheelchair. Funny how he could distinguish every small sound now, when he was dying.

"Dru! What did you do!"

"Don't worry, pet. He'll be back soon enough."

Somehow, Giles managed one last protest. "No—" he choked.

"Bloody hell; he's still alive..." Spike cursed.

"Not for long," Drusilla giggled. "A present, he is. If the dark won't come. He's a gift for the Slayer. We can still have our fun if the world goes on and on like a top."

Then everything was black, and Rupert knew there was no more time. He felt the tears on his cheeks that escaped his closed eyes, and his last breath was a sob.

_Buffy...do the right thing. Dear god, please do the right thing..._

And Rupert Giles died.

* * *

Buffy watched helplessly as the portal closed. Acathla sucked it back in, pulling Angel into hell with it even as her lover reached for her. Then in seconds Angel and the yellow-orange vortex were gone, the demon's mouth closed, and the stone figure sat, dormant again.

She stared for a long moment before she sobbed once, and her hands folded over her mouth and nose as she turned away. She would have dissolved into tears if it weren't for the voice that came from behind her then.

"Buffy..."

She twisted, and Xander was standing there, by a heavy black curtain. One look in eyes eyes told her he'd seen everything.

Buffy's hands slipped from her face, and balled into fists at her side. Whether she was feeling anger or sorrow or annoyance or...she couldn't tell. There was too much. She swallowed hard, and they just stared at each other until she could speak.

"Xander...What are you still doing in here? You were supposed to get Giles out and get gone," she said quietly.

His mouth opened, but nothing came out at first. His voice seemed to stick in his throat, and he grimaced and looked away for a moment. "I-I know, but..." He trailed off. He glanced at the curtain, that seemed to section off an alcove, and then he looked at her again.

This time she saw more in his eyes than the sympathy. Now she saw the grief.

"No..." she whispered.

Buffy hurried to him and brushed past, through the curtain and into the small dark 'room' on the other side.

Giles was tied to a chair

The first thing she saw was the blood, on his neck—the tell-tale bite marks left by a vampire. Then she saw that he wasn't moving, and he wasn't breathing...

"Giles!"

She went into automatic, rushing to his side and going for the ropes.

"Buffy..."

"Help me! We have to do something!"

They came away easily with her strength, and she straightened to pull him carefully from the chair and to the floor, to get him flat so she could use what little of the training from health class she remembered. But it would be enough. It had to be enough.

"Xander!" He hadn't moved. He needed to move. He needed to help her. They had to get Giles back. They had to wake him up. He had to breath. He had to be okay. She started to leaned over to breath into his mouth, when Xander spoke again.

"Buffy, it's too late," he choked.

"We don't know that!"

"Yes we do."

"Shut up and help me!" She felt the tears on her face—the only part of her that felt warm—but she ignored them and started again to lean down.

"Buffy!"

"Shut up!" she shot back desperately. He grabbed her arm, kept her from bending over, kept her from helping Giles, and she jerked away. She jerked away and she pushed him, and Xander flew into the wall because she hadn't been careful enough. He broke through a small table, hit the wall, and slumped against it.

"Xander!" She started to get up, to help him, but he groaned and sat up on his own. She'd been too distracted to use all of her strength. If she had it would have been worse, and she knew it. Somehow, that was what snapped her out of it. "Xander..." Buffy was still on her knees, and he crawled to her side.

"It's okay. I'm okay."

She swallowed, and her gaze went back to her Watcher, now on the floor in front of her. "Giles..."

Xander made a sound between a cough and a sob. "Buff...he was cold when I found him."

Buffy was silent at first. She looked at Giles, and she realized how pale he was. She realized the blood was dry. She realized this must have happened hours ago. Her fingers brushed his cheek, and it was cold. Hand shaking, she pulled back.

"No. _No_. Oh god..." she gasped.

Kendra. Giles.

Angel.

She could feel Xander's grip tight on her shoulder, and when she doubled over in tears that was the way she fell. He held her, and she could feel him shaking with his own silent sobs as she cried.

* * *

Xander felt helpless.

The world was safe. Buffy had seen to that, even after...

But now this. Giles was—

God, how could Giles be gone? Buffy was sobbing into his sweater, and that was surreal enough. But he knew he was crying too. He was looking at the man's body on the ground beside them, and he still couldn't believe it.

It just didn't seem real. It couldn't happen like this. Not after everything Giles had been through, fought for, he couldn't be—

Not like this.

And then he noticed something that forced him to embrace cruel reality.

"Buffy...?" He swallowed. "Buffy. Hey...Buffy." He tried to pull her off, gently, reluctantly, and after a moment she sat up and swiped at her eyes, still trembling.

"What...?

Xander took an unsteady breath. "The...the blood. There's more of it, a-around his mouth..." she looked, quickly, and he didn't take it as a good sign that her eyes widened in horror. "Oh god. You don't think...?"

Her face contorted into a pained expression, and she pressed the back of a hand to her mouth as if to hold off a a sob, but it never came. When she let her hand slowly drop, her face was emotionless.

"Buffy?" he asked worriedly.

"Go," she said shortly.

"What?"

"Find the closest phone, and get Oz here with his van. We have to—" She stopped. "Just go."

"What about you?"

She looked at Giles, and her face twisted in pain again, just for a second. "I'll stay here." She didn't have to voice the next sentence for him to hear it. _Just in case._

"Okay..." he gulped. "Okay."

He started to get to his feet, but he hesitated. Then he went back to one knee and pulled Buffy into his arms for a moment. She let him, but she was stiff now. Xander didn't let that deter him. He held on for a long moment, trying to give what comfort he could, and then he kissed the side of her head and stood. There was nothing to say. What on earth _could_ he say?

He, Buffy, Willow...Cordelia and Oz now too, he supposed...

They were on their own now.

* * *

When Xander left, Buffy slid forward and pulled Giles's head onto her knees. She wanted to cry more, but she couldn't. She couldn't do anything. She couldn't even stop her mind from wandering—from running rampant, from bringing up memories that only made the pain worse.

She remembered her once nightly rendezvous with Angel in the cemetery. She remembered training with Giles there. She remembered kissing Angel, and she remembered holding Giles while they knelt on the cold concrete outside a burning factory as he cried for the lost love Angelus had taken from him. She remembered standing with him at Jenny Calendar's grave, and wondered how she could survive burying _him_.

She remembered the sword fight, and Angel gasping and suddenly looking at her with the loving eyes she'd missed for months...

And before Xander returned, she knew what had to be done.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

It took several blocks of walking to get far enough away from the mansion and back to enough civilization to find a pay phone, and Xander found himself lucky enough to discover enough change in his pockets for a call. Seeing as Oz didn't have a cell phone, the easiest way to find Willow's boyfriend, he surmised, would be to call the hospital.

Twenty minutes later Oz's van pulled up to the curb where Xander had waited by the phone booth. The side door rolled open and Cordelia climbed out to hug him as he stood.

"Oh my god; is it really true?" she asked, still holding on.

Xander grimaced and nodded against her shoulder. "Yeah..."

She pulled back and looked at him worriedly. "I am so sorry..."

Human Cordy. They'd been officially going out for weeks and stealing make-out sessions in broom closets for months, but he was still getting used to it.

He swallowed hard and glanced up at Oz through the van's open window. "Yeah...we'd better get going. Buffy's back at the mansion."

"And she's safe there? Angel's gone?" Cordelia asked.

"Hell dimension. I think that's about as gone as a guy can get." He didn't go into details. If Buffy wanted the rest of them to know what else had happened...that would be up to her. It wasn't his business to tell it. But he would be there for her either way.

"Right." She sighed and went back to the van, and Xander followed silently.

At the mansion he and Oz left Cordelia to watch the van, and inside they found Buffy right where Xander had left her. She wasn't crying again, and he didn't think she had. She has just sitting there, cradling Giles's head in her lap.

But it was enough to break his heart all over again.

"Oh man," Oz murmured.

"We're here..." Xander announced quietly.

Buffy glanced up at them blankly, and then started to get up, acting as if she was going to help carry the body. Xander put a hand on her arm to stop her. "It's okay. Oz and I can..."She looked at him, and there was a brief flicker of gratitude before her expression settled back to nothing, and she nodded and let them do it.

Cordelia got out of the van again when they got there, and opened the sliding door for them. She looked on, wide-eyed, as Xander and Oz gently loaded the body into the back, on the floor that had been cleared. Buffy crawled in next, beside Giles. Oz was the only one of them wearing a jacket, and he pulled it off and handed it to her. Again, she didn't speak to say thank you, but the message was clear in her eyes as she took it and draped it over her Watcher's face. Oz swallowed, nodded once in a silent you're welcome, and went around to get back in the driver's seat.

Xander turned to Cordelia. "Hey...are you okay?" he asked softly.

She took a deep breath, glancing uneasily at Buffy in the van. "I-I don't know," she admitted. "I just can't believe..."

"Me either." He sighed. "Look, you can take the front; I'm gonna..." He indicated Buffy, and she nodded.

"Okay." She took another hug, and climbed in beside Oz. Xander got into the van through the side door, and closed it behind him. Then he sat beside Buffy and slipped an arm around her shoulders. She welcomed the company, and her head dropped onto one of his.

"Where are we going?" Oz asked eventually.

"Giles's place," Buffy answered. Xander started. It was the first thing she'd said since she'd told him to get Oz and his van here. But none of them questioned the directive. Xander had told Oz on the phone what they feared, and Oz must have told Cordelia. The werewolf guitar player only nodded and pulled away from the curb.

"Is anyone with Willow?" Buffy asked as they got on their way.

"Her parents' plane just made it in. They were on their way from the airport when we left," Oz supplied. Then he paused. "She doesn't know yet; we didn't...you know...want to leave her with that..."

The Slayer nodded. "That's probably best."

Then she fell silent, and rest of them couldn't find anything else to say, either.

* * *

At the apartment the boys moved Giles to the bathroom floor as Buffy asked, and then went to look for what she'd instructed them to find. Cordelia hovered just outside the bathroom door for a few moments, probably wondering if there was anything she should or could offer to help with, and Buffy saved her from wondering and quietly dismissed her. The other girl retreated, probably back to the living room where the guys were searching for what they were going to need.

Buffy didn't know why she wanted to do it, but she found a rag and dampened it, and knelt by her Watcher's body again. Swallowing back the lump in her throat, she pulled Oz's jacket away and gently washed the blood from Giles's face and neck, and...hands.

That was when she noticed the broken fingers.

The walls she'd put up back at the mansion cracked a little. "Giles...I'm so sorry," she sobbed quietly. "I should've gotten to you sooner. I should have saved you. I—" She stopped before she could lose it. "I'm sorry," she whispered again. "You didn't deserve this."

A soft knock on the open door made her look up, and an unhappy Xander stood there with what she'd asked for. "Buff, are you sure about this? Aren't there ways to...make sure it won't happen at all?" he asked uncomfortably.

"There are," she admitted. She stood to take the chains from him. "But we won't need them. That's not what we're trying to do."

"And just what _are_ we doing? What are we _going_ to do?"

Buffy looked at him steadily. "You were there, Xander. You saw what happened. I'd still love to know why the hell you didn't tell me Willow was going to try the spell again, but that's not important right now. What's important is that it worked."

Xander blinked at her at first, and then his eyes widened and he was staring. He stepped inside, closed the bathroom door behind him and continued to do so. "_What_? No. You're crazy."

"How am I crazy?"

"You can't be thinking what I think you're thinking."

"Why not?" she protested hotly.

They were whispering, trying to keep the conversation from carrying out to the living room and to Oz and Cordelia, but the intensity was all there.

"You're serious," he said incredulously. "You want Will to do it again."

"If she can, why not?"

"It's not an all-purpose thing, Buffy. We had to try it with Angel because he wanted to get the world sucked into _hell_; we had to do _something_. Using the spell like _this_ would just be playing god."

"I don't care! If we don't try that's _it_, Xander. Giles is _gone_. Just like Kendra."

"You think I don't know that?!" he hissed back.

"Xander, we lost two good people last night, and so help me, if we can get one of them back—"

Xander winced and looked away, blinking back tears. "Buffy...I'm going to miss them too. I miss them _already_, but I just—I don't think this is right..."

Buffy shifted the chains to one hand, reached behind him and opened the door. "Then go."

He stared at her again. "Buffy..."

"If all you're going to do is argue, at least get out of this bathroom."

His mouth pressed into a thin line, and after a moment he skirted past her and went back out to the living room. Buffy swallowed again and closed the door behind him.

She almost couldn't do it—using the chains. But there was no choice. By the time she was finished putting them in place and made it back out to the living room, Oz and Cordelia were perched uncomfortably on chairs and Xander was pacing stiffly behind the couch. He was the first to look up, and she hadn't even opened her mouth before he shook his head almost imperceptibly.

He hadn't mentioned anything to the other two. Not yet, anyway.

"Okay...Xander, Cordelia, stay here. He's secured, just in case, but we need to keep watch either way. Oz, can you take me back to the hospital?"

He blinked and looked up. "I'm not sure that's such a great idea."

"Willow's parents are there now, remember?" Xander added. "I know they haven't been in town very long, but we can't take the chance that they might've heard something about the police looking for you. If they have, and they see you, you know they'll turn you in."

Buffy shrugged. "So I'll avoid them. I'll have Oz there to run interference, too. But I have to go. I have to see Willow. I know she's going to be okay, but I need to see that for myself." She hesitated. "And someone has to tell her what's going on."

"I could do that," Xander offered gently.

She shook her head. "No...it's okay. I need to do this."

"You sure?" Oz asked. She nodded, and he stood and pulled his keys from his pocket.

"Thank you."

"Yeah."

He headed out to his van, but Buffy stayed behind for a moment.

Xander cleared his throat and sat on the arm of the chair Cordelia had claimed. "So if anything happens...?"

"If he wakes up, it won't be Giles. Ignore it. But don't do anything else yet. Like I said, you shouldn't have anything to worry about for now. He's not going anywhere." The words didn't seem quite real, coming out of her mouth, but there they were. This was real. It was happening, and they had to deal with it.

Cordelia frowned and sat forward. "And we don't dust him—it, whatever—_why_? I mean hey, sad here too, but there's nothing we can..." She trailed off, and must have gotten something from the looks on their faces, because she didn't finish the sentence. "Oh." Then she grimaced. "God, have I ever told you people how crazy you are?"

"Shut up, Cordy," Buffy and Xander said together.

"Xander, just promise me you won't do anything until I get back," Buffy insisted.

He sighed. "Okay! Fine. I promise." He moved to the couch and dropped onto it, letting his head fall into a hand. Buffy went up behind the couch and reached over the back to squeeze that hand, and Xander looked up and back at her and squeezed a little in return. "Sorry...but I hate this."

"We're gonna get through it," she told him quietly.

He shrugged and gave her something close enough to smile that she felt she could go. She squeezed his hand one more time and went, and as she left she saw Cordelia moving to sit beside him. Strange as that relationship was, well...at least Xander had someone. Buffy was glad for that.

* * *

Oz opened the van's side door and beckoned her out. "We're in luck; Willow says she managed to convince her parents to go home and get some sleep after they checked on her, and the police aren't doing regular rounds here anymore. She hasn't seen any in hours. As long as we don't take too long, I think it's about as safe in there as it's gonna get if you're going in."

"And _that's_ about one of the longest short paragraphs I've ever heard you speak at once," Buffy said as she stepped down to the sidewalk.

He shrugged and slid the van's door closed behind her. "Come on."

She pulled the hat she'd used here the night before back on, and followed him inside. It was just barely late enough in the morning that visitors besides family were being allowed into the rooms again, though it wouldn't have stopped them if it wasn't. They snuck in anyway, to be safe. Willow was lying awake, facing the door waiting for them. She was still a little pale, but she looked so much better than the last time Buffy had seen her that she nearly cried. Again. That was the last thing she wanted to do.

She hated that she had to bring bad news. At least, maybe, she had a little hope to bring with it.

"Buffy!"

Oz went straight to his girlfriend and helped her sit up, though thankfully it didn't seem like she really needed the assistance. Buffy was frozen in the door for a moment more before she rushed to her best friend and carefully embraced her.

"Willow, thank god you're okay..."

"I'm so sorry..."

Buffy pulled back to look at her. "For what?"

"I-I tried the spell again, but...I guess it didn't work. I mean, you still had to...you know..." She shrugged. "I got that much before Oz and Cordelia left, after Xander called...I'm really sorry. I tried..."

Buffy grimaced. "Will, I..." Even thinking about Angel sent knives through her heart. If there wasn't another crisis to deal with she didn't think she would be functioning. But there was, and Willow had to know how it had all gone down. She had to know the spell had worked, or she would never be confident enough to try it again.

Willow looked at her curiously. "What?" Oz was still there at the head of the bed, and as Buffy sat on the edge in front of her friend he sat beside her, curling a protecting arm around her shoulders. She glanced at him, but then looked at Buffy again. "What's going on?" Her voice started to waver. "Is everyone okay?"

She should have planned this better. What was she supposed to say?  
"The spell worked," she blurted.

Now both Willow _and_ Oz were staring at her.

"What?" Willow gaped.

Buffy winced and looked away. No going back now. Not on this one. "It uh...it worked, Will. But...it was to late. The portal was open. I had to—" Her throat clogged and she stopped.

There was silence for a long moment.

"Oh god...Buffy..."

She stiffled a sob and looked up apologetically. "Willow, that's not everything."

Willow swallowed and licked her lips nervously. "What do you mean?" When Oz's arm tightened around her she pulled in a breath and started to panic. "What is it?" she demanded.

Buffy took her friend's hands. "Will, one of them...I-I don't know which one, but one of them...they...Giles..."

"He's dead," Oz filled in quietly.

"What? _No_..."

"I didn't get there in time," Buffy whispered painfully.

Willow shook her head, even though she grimaced, and probably because it hurt. "No! Not Giles. Not _Giles_. Oh _god_..." She started to sob, and Oz pulled her to him with both arms now.

Buffy couldn't stop herself from sobbing too, and for a moment she held her friend from the other side. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry..." The guilt hit her in the chest, stealing her air as Willow cried and she cried with her. She should have gotten there sooner. She should never have trusted Spike in any way shape or form of the word. She should have—

"Will...Willow, listen to me. It's not over."

"Not over? Not over? How is dead not over? That's pretty damn _over_, Buffy. He _gone_!" Willow sobbed. "God this can't be happening..." She was getting darn close to hysterical, and while Oz still held her Buffy took her friend's face in her hands.

"Hey, look me. Calm down. Just listen...this may not be as hopeless as it seems."

Willow went limp against Oz, still sniffling, and she made no motion to dry her damp face. She just sat there, defeated. "How, Buffy?" she asked weakly.

Buffy hated to see her best friend this way, and she hoped what she had to say would help. Maybe Xander was right; maybe it was crazy, but...it was hope. It was something. She took a breath.

"We think whichever one of them did it...we think they turned him."

Willow's eyes widened and she sat up, straightening and pulling away from Oz. "_What_? How is that in any way a good thing?"

"Did you not hear me a minute ago? The spell _worked_, Will. If it works, you can do it again."

And as she said it aloud—really said it, instead of vaguely arguing about it—Buffy finally let herself believe it was possible. She finally let herself really feel the hope.

Because she had to feel it. It was the only thing keeping her going.

"We can get Giles back."


	3. Chapter 3

Here ya go! Sorry, was a littl busy this week, but here it is. :) Hopefully I'll be writing more later this weekend, too, though please don't hesitate to let me know what you think of _this_ chapter! It really does help a lot to know. Thanks so much! Please enjoy. :)

Chapter 3

Willow didn't want to believe any of it, but the look on Buffy's face told her in no uncertain terms that it was all real. It was all real, and this crazy idea was probably the only thing holding her best friend together at the moment. The desperation was under the surface, but it was there—visible to those who knew her well enough to see it.

Not that Willow didn't see where Buffy was coming from. If Giles was really dead...

She swallowed hard. "I-I don't know if I _can_ do it again. I'm not really sure how I made it work _this_ time. It was like something...I don't know. I mean I could try, but I'd have to go through the incantations...find what needs to be altered, for a different recipient, and do that. A few of the words would have to be different, I would think—you know, to change the directions..."

"Then you'll do it? Not now or anything...I won't ask you to do it until you're sure you're better and you can handle it."

"I could handle it now," she answered, a little defensively. Then she winced. "But uh...you don't even know if you're right yet, huh? A-about Giles..."

"Right...not yet. It may be as much as a couple of days or more until anything happens...i-if it's going to. Some rise fast, and sometimes it can take that long."

Were they really sitting here talking about this?

Willow settled back farther into Oz's arms. "Okay...just...let me know, I guess. I'll uh...be going over the curse."

Buffy let out a breath in relief. "So you're with me on this?"

She hesitated a moment, still not sure she knew exactly what they were getting into. This was big, and...she settled for an ambiguous answer that was still completely true. "I want Giles back too," she said finally, quietly.

"I know..." Buffy hugged her. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet; we haven't done anything."

If Oz had an opinion about any of this, he wasn't voicing it yet. He gave her shoulders a squeeze and, looking a little out of sorts—hard, for him, which meant this really was as huge and crazy as she thought it was—he slid off the bed. "Buffy, we should probably go."

Willow agreed reluctantly. "My doctor's supposed to come around this morning and check on me, sometime soon I think. He might let me go today."

"That would be great. We really need you, Will. You and your steadying force."

She tried to brighten at that; she was sure it was a compliment, but the smiling was hard. "Really? I'm a steadying force?"

"Of course you are. I need you around. Strong minds tend to be that way, I guess, and seeing as Xander and I aren't exactly the brilliant straight-A type..."

"Oh come on; you guys are smart too—"

"But not like you." Buffy's small smile faltered. "Without Giles, you're..." Willow gripped her best friend's arm for a moment, and the Slayer swallowed and forced the smile back on. "And hey, he's never known squat about computers."

"You got that right." She held out her arms for another hug, and Buffy gave it to her.

Oz was waiting patiently, hands in pockets. "So where to, Buffy? You want me to run you home first so you can get some clothes or something, or...?"

"No," Buffy quickly. When they looked at her she stammered, "I-I mean I just really want to get back to the apartment. Will, you'll call as soon as you know when you'll be out of here?"

"Of course," she answered, eyeing her friend warily. "Buffy, is there anything else?"

"No...don't worry about me. Come on, Oz. We'd better go before anyone sees me."

"Very true," Oz shrugged. He leaned in to kiss his girlfriend, and Willow was glad for it.

"I'll come back," he promised.

"Good. You've got that steadying force of your own, mister, and I kinda need it right now..." She saw Buffy smiling at them, seeing but not intruding as she slid off the edge of the bed and waited for Oz, and Willow's heart ached for her. With Angel gone and no guarantee they would be able to get Giles back...

She couldn't help but worry.

* * *

There wasn't much to do when Buffy left. Xander had dropped onto one corner of the couch, and Cordelia moved to curl up beside him. They were still like that when the front door opened again, and he had no clue how long it had been. He hadn't even been thinking about anything.

It had been easier to go blank for a while.

The door closing made Cordelia sit up, disentangling her arms from Xander's. She was the first to get turned around to see just who it was coming back.

"Buffy! Good; can I get an explanation on this most-definitely-crazy-no-matter-what-it-is plan, please? Part of the group too now here, remember?"

Xander twisted in time to see Buffy looking obviously not enthused with the greeting. She was choosing to ignore the question as she set a white paper bag on the counter.

"Here's food, if anybody actually wants it," she said.

He shrugged. "How'd it go?" he asked. "How's Willow?"

"She's about as good as could be expected, I guess...and it looks like she's on board."

"On board for what?" Cordelia demanded. "I mean, I've got an idea, but I'm not sure whether or not I wanna be right."

Xander looked at Buffy, and she nodded a little. He explained, saving her the need to. "If we're right, and Giles...if one of those bastards turned him, Buffy wants Willow to do the spell again—on him."

"The one we used to try to put Angel's soul back in him?"

"Yeah..."

"Yep. That's what I thought all right. Again, not so sure how I feel about that."

"Why not?" Buffy snapped. "We can get him back. What the hell is wrong with that?"

Xander could tell she was still feeling a little residual hurt from his questioning her about it before. But he'd had good reason to. He cared about Buffy _and _Giles, but he felt that what he'd said had been true. He held out a hand in warning. "Whoa! Let's chill here. No, I really don't think we're done discussing this, but we don't have to do it now. We don't have everybody here. And where is Oz, anyway?"

"He wanted to get back to Willow, and since we can't really do anything right now I didn't see anything wrong with that. He dropped me off and headed right back to the hospital." She trudged around the couch and dropped into a chair across from him and Cordy. "All we can do now is wait."

Xander grimaced and sat again, and Cordelia did the same.

"Great," she mumbled. "My favorite pastime. Oh wait, no, it's second to doing endless research in musty old books." He and Buffy stared at her. "What?" She sunk back into the couch. "Hey...I miss Giles too. I just show things in different ways," she added quietly.

Buffy actually looked a little chagrined at that, and Xander sighed and put an arm back around Cordy's shoulders.

* * *

Buffy fell asleep in the chair she'd claimed, and when she woke up Xander was still there, but not Cordelia.

"It's getting late...it's almost dark. Willow called a little while ago, and said they were letting her go in the morning," Xander told her. "Cordy went home, finally. She needed some sleep; I think we all do. I was still here to keep an eye on things, so there wasn't any reason to wake you up..."

She stretched, wondering if she'd be more sore now than she had been when she'd drifted off. Then she realized she wasn't. She wasn't in the chair anymore, either. Xander had moved her to the couch, and there was even a pillow under her head.

Wow. She didn't think she'd had it in her to sleep hard enough to be moved and not wake up. She hadn't even been awake for a horribly long time, really. Not even thirty-six hours. It had just _seemed_ like forever.

"Thanks. I think," Buffy sighed, sitting up. Xander was still wearing the same blue sweater he'd been in for two days. "Look, I'm gonna go grab some clothes, I guess, and then you should get home and sleep yourself. I'll stay here tonight, seeing as I already got some decent shut-eye."

Xander shrugged and perched on the nearest chair. "You sure? I could stay here with you."

She raised her eyebrows at him, looking pointedly at the dark circles under his eyes. "No. You need to sleep, and you need to do it in your own bed."

He agreed, reluctantly, and she left, promising not to be long.

Getting to her house didn't take a lot of time; it was the standing in the trees deciding what to do that took longer. Buffy didn't want to go in there at all. Whether her mother had really meant what she'd said or not, she didn't think she could or_ should_ just walk in.

After long, painful moments staring at what she wondered would ever be home again, she went in her bedroom window as she did on nights when she had to go out on patrol. She stepped silently down to the floor, crossed the room to find a bag and pack it with enough things for a few days at least, and left to relieve Xander of his guard duties.

She told herself the tears she brushed from her eyes as she went was just a reaction to dust in the wind.

Nothing happened that night. Once Xander was gone Buffy finally ate something, from the food she and Oz had picked up that morning. It had been long since banished to the refrigerator. When her stomach wasn't loudly complaining any longer, she wandered to the bookshelves.

Buffy ran a hand over the old but meticulously-kept spines. Many of the books were leather bound, or something similar and just as nice. Most of them were occult books, like the ones in the library, only these were Giles's personal collection. A few were duplicates of books she'd seen at school when the Scoobies were in research mode, but she was relatively sure the rest were different. Knowing Giles, these would be the more valuable ones here.

She hadn't been here often, to her Watcher's flat, and she certainly had never taken a very close look at his books. They weren't her thing, but she couldn't help thinking about how important they were to him—how much they were a part of who he was. Now, anyway, no matter what he'd been like when he was younger.

Buffy pulled a book from the shelf—carefully, of course, though she knew she wouldn't have been so careful a week ago—and curled up in the chair near the shelves. The night wore on, and she skimmed through book after book. When she found one in English she lingered, looking for anything remotely interesting. To her immense surprise, sometimes she found a story or something or other worth reading. Some of it was actually kinda fascinating, in its weird way.

She didn't know why she was sitting here, looking through 'musty old books' as Cordelia had called them. Maybe it was just that there was nothing else to do. But...no. She knew that was a lie.

Giles wasn't here. Not really. Maybe they could get him back, but right now he was gone, and the uncertainty of whether or not that would ever change was killing her. These books...they made her feel close to him, even if it was only in a small, not-quite-satisfying way.

It kept her sane for now, anyway.

Buffy was staring into space when there was a knock on the door the next morning. She staggered to her feet and approached warily, but when she answered it was only Xander.

"Oh...hey."

"I take it nothing interesting happened?"

"No, not really."

He came in and she closed the door again, and he looked around curiously as he set a bag of obviously breakfast-smelling food on the counter next to the remains of what little she'd managed to eat the night before. "I didn't need to buy this, did I?" he asked, pulling out fast-food biscuits.

"Again, not really," Buffy sighed. But she grabbed one, and took a stool to try to eat it. The human ritual of consuming food came a little easier than it had last night, but some of it still stuck in her throat on the way down. Xander sat on the next stool munching down, albeit not as happily as he usually did. When Buffy finished she found her head in her arms on the counter.

"Xander, what if we're wrong?" she moaned into the darkness her arms shielded her face in. "What if nothing happens? What—what if Giles is—" _What if he's really gone? _

She sobbed once, dryly, but she wouldn't let herself cry again. She heard Xander noisily gulping down whatever had been in his mouth.

"I uh...I don't know, Buff," he said quietly. She knew he wasn't sure about any of this, and when she glanced at him he looked like there was much more he wanted to say. But he couldn't get it out.

That was fine for now; she didn't want to think about it anymore.

* * *

Willow was more than glad to get out of the hospital. Sure, there were residual effects and the general not-feeling-great that came from having a concussion, but she'd been all right enough even the night before last to perform a pretty heavy-duty spell. She was going to be fine. She just needed to be with her friends.

Her parents came to see her when she was released, but she made it clear that she was leaving with Oz. As usual, of course, they didn't mind. They didn't have much to say on it one way or another. It still hurt, like it always did, that twinge of pain at their disinterest, but she had to admit that with her new life as a member of the Scooby Gang, it came in handy.

It was late morning and Oz took her straight to Giles's apartment. Thanks to the fact that he'd been standing there when the doctor had told her to stay off of her feet for a few days, he carried her inside when they got there. Xander had opened the door for them, and closed it after them, and Buffy was on the couch. She looked pretty close to zonked out, but she sat up groggily when Oz deposited his girldfriend in the next chair.

The Slayer blinked sleep out out of her eyes. "Will?" She glanced up at Oz. "Did he just carry you in here?"

"Doctor's orders," Oz explained briefly.

Willow shrugged. "There's a rented wheelchair, but it's kind compact in here; didn't make sense to bring it inside and get in the way and all."

Buffy got up and leaned in to hug her. "I'm just glad you're okay."

"You too." And she meant it. Buffy could just as easily have been killed in the battle with Angel two nights ago. As much as they all liked to believe their Slayer was indestructible, well...she wasn't. None of them were. That much was painfully obvious now. She herself had managed a concussion, Xander had a broken wrist, Buffy likely had emotional scars that might never really go away, and Giles...

She really didn't want to think about that, but it was why they were all here.

Willow swallowed and pulled a slip of paper from her jeans pocket once Buffy released her. "Here. Most of the stuff for the spell I can re-use from the last time, but I'll need more of a couple of things. I wrote it all down exactly. There's not much."

"Everything we already have is still in the van," Oz said.

"It's all ready to go whenever, so we just need that stuff," Willow finished, nodding to the list.

Buffy took the paper and glanced at it uneasily. "Thanks; I'll go today."

Before she could say anything else Willow was cut off by Xander, who swooped in to get a hug of his own from her. Once he'd straightened again and was out of her line of sight, she focused on Buffy again. "Don't you want to go home and get some sleep?"

"No...I don't think I could sleep, anyway. That's what I was trying to do when you two got here, and it wasn't working. Close but no cigar. I can only do it by accident; not on command yet, apparently."

"But you should go—"

"I've _been_ home, Willow. See? Fresh clothes," Buffy told her quickly, holding out her arms. Then she glanced down at herself, and seemed to realize she was a little rumpled. "Okay, they were fresh last night, anyway." She tried to smile a little, but something still didn't feel right. "I'm fine, Will—or as close as...anyway..." She stopped and grimaced.

Willow looked at her for a moment, not convinced. "If you say so." She glanced up at Xander, who shrugged. He didn't have any more information than she did.

The four of them sat or stood in silence for what seemed like a long time, before Willow bit back a sudden lump in her throat and started to push herself to her feet.

Oz had been sitting on the edge of her chair, and he was standing himself and reaching for her in a second. "Willow?"

She nodded down the hall toward the bathroom. "He's in there, right?"

They all stared at her for a moment before Buffy nodded.

"Well I want...I mean, I never...I uh..." She didn't know how to say it—to tell them that she needed to see him. She didn't want it to be real, but she knew she couldn't pretend it wasn't. She needed to see Giles, and she needed to know this was really happening. And...if for some reason the spell didn't work, or if he never woke as a vampire at all, then...it would be her last chance.

There were things she wanted to say to him, even if he couldn't hear her.

Or maybe he_ would_ hear her, from somewhere. There was always that hope.

Buffy and Xander seemed to suddenly understand, and they looked away just as quickly. Oz swallowed, and put an arm around her waist for support.

"Okay," he said quietly.

Willow leaned into him, and let him help her past the kitchen and down the short hallway. She thought maybe she could have made it there on her own, but even though she was fine sitting up, she was still a little wobbly on her feet. The doctor's orders hadn't been without reason. Either way, she braced against the wall when they got to the bathroom door.

"I've uh, got it from here."

"You sure?" Oz looked at her, and where the hall opened to the living room Buffy and Xander stood watching with concern.

"Yeah...this is kind of a me thing," she said, looking back at them all.

"We're right out here if..."

"I know, Xander. Thanks."

Oz reluctantly let go of her and stepped back, and Willow gave him a grateful look and went in alone. She slipped inside, using the door itself for support and closed it again behind her. Then she reached for the closed toilet and sat there.

She didn't look until then, and when she saw her breath caught in her throat. It wasn't that he looked bad...but that he didn't. Not anymore. She imagined he had, but now the only blood was present in a few specks on his shirt. Even the deep cut on his forehead and the telltale bite mark on his neck were clean. Buffy or Xander had probably...yeah.

Giles looked almost like he was only sleeping, but for the fact that he was propped up against the nearest end of the bathtub and was chained to the pipes that ran there.

But he was dead. Maybe he might not exactly be that way for much longer, but he was. Right now he was dead, and he was gone. Giles. The man who, even though his role as Buffy's Watcher didn't require he notice her at all, was the only adult besides Miss Calendar who had ever shown any real interest in or caring for her as person. Sure, all of her teachers liked her because she was smart but...that was it. They weren't Giles, or Miss Calendar.

This shouldn't have happened to either of them.

Willow hadn't cried again since Buffy and Oz had broken the news to her. The whole thing, this horrible situation...it hadn't really sunk in until just now. Even if they could get Giles back, nothing would ever be the same, and they might not get him back at all.

She couldn't think enough through the pain to say anything she'd wanted to. Instead she cried, but she kept quiet because she knew the others were hurting enough on their own.


	4. Chapter 4

I would have waited until Monday, or at least tomorrow, but I got this chapter written and I was too excited about it to wait. So here it is! It's a little shorter, but it is the next day, so...Anyway, I hope you enjoy it, and please do tell me what you think! There's not much incentive if I don't know ya'll are interesting. :) Thanks so much! Have a great rest-of-the-weekend!

Chapter 4

They knew what was going on in the bathroom before Willow emerged. They heard her, eventually, whether she wanted them to or not. Oz and Xander wanted to go in after her. Buffy did too, but she stopped them. If there was one thing Will deserved, it was to be left alone when she didn't want company. It hurt to let her sit in there, broken, but she needed the time. Buffy was waiting when her friend came out.

As she closed the bathroom door again Willow's eyes and cheeks were pink, but she'd composed herself. Buffy folded her into her arms and they both held on for a long moment, before Buffy pulled back and spoke, still gripping her friend's arms. She could sense the two boys over her shoulder, watching and worried, but she spoke only to Willow.

"Listen, nothing's going to happen while it's light out. It only happens at night, and I've got getting the stuff from the magic shop covered. So why don't you go home for now and get some more rest under your own covers, hmm?"

Willow nodded wearily. "Okay..."

"I'm serious. We need you healthy, and I promise that's coming _every_ bit as much from a concerned friend as the fact that we're gonna need you that way to pull off this mojo." Her friend tried to smile, and Buffy gave back what she could and gently nudged her toward Oz. "Get her out of here."

"Can do," he answered. An arm went around her waist, and when Willow leaned into him he swung her carefully up into his arms. Either he was a lot stronger than he looked in that small frame, or the whole being-a-werewolf thing had enough bleed-over to his regular human shape to give him some extra muscle. Either way, Buffy knew Willow was safe with him. He hadn't been part of the core group for long, but she could sense that already. It was good to know.

"Okay, but we're coming back tonight. As soon as it's dark, if not before," Willow told all of them firmly.

"Compromise made, conversation over," Buffy nodded.

"Get going," Xander agreed.

They went, and Buffy sighed and turned to Xander. "Okay, I'd better get to the magic shop while I'm thinking about it. You can hold down the fort here?"

"If you're right about there not being much chance of anything happening during the day, that shouldn't really be a problem, right?"

She heard the other question, and answered it instead. "I know, I know, I just...don't want to take any chances. Please stay here?"

"Take it easy; I got it. But are you sure you should be going out there on your own in daylight? I mean..."

"I'll be fine, Xander Slaying is pretty much vigilante activity according to normal laws, and I've been doing it since I was fifteen, remember? I can pull off cop avoidance."

He pulled a facial shrug. "Okay...I'll be here."

Buffy nodded her thanks and got out of there. The last time she'd been out since the battle at the mansion it had been dark, when she'd snuck into the Summers house. The waking world didn't quite seem real now, as she ran her errand, even though she'd seen it when she went to see Willow at the hospital. She walked to the magic shop, pulled out the list and handed it to the woman at the front counter. The woman bustled about for a few moments gathering and packaging what was written there, and then handed over the goods and Buffy paid the bill.

That was all she did. She didn't stop for anything else coming or going, she kept her head down and she tried to pay as little attention as possible to her surroundings. Some of that had to do with the whole police-sort-of-still-looking-for-her thing, though that was already starting to die down thanks to Sunnydale's being small and what with the nearly worthless police force. But she didn't want to think about the fact that the world was going on. Life was continuing no matter what kind of disaster her own was just now.

God, there was school tomorrow, wasn't there? It was Sunday now. It had been Friday night when everything went down...some of it Saturday morning, technically.

Buffy didn't know about the others, but no matter what happened tonight, she knew _she_ wouldn't be going to school tomorrow. No, because she'd been expelled. She hadn't really thought about that until just now. No one else knew that, about her confrontation with Snyder, just like no one else knew what had happened between her and her mother.

She didn't plan to burden her friends with any of it, either. Not now. Not with everything hanging in limbo. Maybe not at all, if she could help it.

Not that she had any clue how she was going to help it. One bloody thing at a time...

Bloody? Had she seriously just used that in a thought? She knew that had started with Giles—pain—and Spike had been even worse about it...

Spike. He was going to pay for this. Him and Drusilla both. As soon as everything was settled here, if it ever was, she was going to hunt them down and make them pay. Horribly. Before she killed them.

The only interesting thing that happened the rest of the day was when Oz dropped by again. "Will and I were talking before she drifted off, and we thought this might come in handy later," he said, producing the trank gun from the lockup in the library. They used it when it was needed, generally on the three nights a month that he turned into a wolf, if wolf-Oz got too rowdy.

Xander seemed impressed. "How'd you get in and out of the school with that?"

"It has a case. And it did help that the hype is dying down."

"Yeah, kinda noticed that when I was out at the magic shop earlier. Nice to know we have such a vigilant police force," Buffy said dryly. "I still haven't figured if that's a good thing or a bad thing."

"It _could_ go both ways," Xander agreed.

"Depends on one's point of view," Oz nodded.

The three of them were still near the door, and Buffy took the gun and set it on the desk. "Anyway, thanks for this."

Oz left again, and they made him take much of the uneaten takeout that was still lying around. When he was gone Buffy and Xander finished off what little they hadn't sent with him, and then as it got late they realized they really were hungry after all. Xander went out for fresh food, to stock up for the long night ahead

Buffy curled up on the couch. It was getting dark out, and she didn't mean to fall asleep, but she must have...because Giles was there. He was there, and everything was fine. School was annoying as usual, and the Slayage was coming at a nice normal pace. No big bads; just a decent stream of little ones. She dreamed a Scooby get-together here at Giles's flat, which wasn't actually something that had really happened before. That would have to change if...

Everyone was happy. Even having Cordelia there didn't seem wrong or stressful or too terribly aggravating. As the evening wore down she found herself on the couch, where she was sleeping in reality though she didn't remember that just then. After a little while Giles stretched a small throw blanket over her and sat gingerly on the edge of the couch beside her for a moment, smiling gently. Buffy was ready to drift away, content.

"I always knew you weren't very smart."

Her eyes snapped open, and she stared at him. "What...?"

Then his hands were around her throat, and Buffy snapped awake for real.

Giles—no, not Giles; she had to remember that—was standing over the couch, and he was choking her. Buffy tried to gasp, but hardly anything came in, and he was smirking down at her.

"You weren't careful enough with the chains, Buffy. I imagine you didn't want to use them at all, did you? You let your emotions get in the way, and you didn't get the job done well enough. What have I told you about that?"

"_You_ didn't...tell me anything," she snarled back, struggling for the air to do it. She bucked, throwing her legs up to snap a kick at his chest, but he batted her feet down with one of his own and pressed a knee in her stomach to keep her down.

"I told you to take your training seriously," he taunted, still strangling her. "I told you what would happen if you didn't."

"You're not Giles," she gasped, coughing. She struggled to get free, but she was pressed into the couch at three sides, and he had her fron the front. There was nowhere to go.

The vampire that was _not_ her Watcher grinned, and the face that had looked human until now shifted to show the demon that now lay within. "Whatever makes you feel better, Buffy. You only have a few moments left to feel anything at all, anyway."

Buffy could only stare in horror. This was what he was now, and it was her fault...

She didn't have time to blink before he bit her.

The commotion came a second later, while she was shouting from the sudden pain, and she missed most of what happened. She thought she heard her name called, and then the weight holding her down was gone, and the hands and fangs at her neck were gone. Things had started to blur, but faintly she heard a snarl, then some kind of small wooshing noise, and another wooshing...a thump.

Then she was being shaken, and after a moment her vision cleared enough to show her Xander leaning over her, freaking out quite nicely. "Oh god—Buffy! Talk to me! Buffy!"

"Mm right here," she managed.

He froze for a second. "Buff?"

"Mm okay," she grunted. "Help me." She held out a hand, swinging it in the air until he caught it, and relented to help her sit up. She blinked at the floor in front of the couch until it came into focus, and she saw the trank gun Xander had dropped and Giles's unmoving form sprawled on his back with two darts in his chest. His face was normal again, but...

Xander glanced back at him. "Okay...that was something I never wanted to see," he said shakily. So he'd seen it too, then. The face. The vampire. The demon.

Buffy shuddered. She didn't have to agree aloud for him to know that she did. Agree. Xander sat beside her to get a closer look at her neck. "God, are you okay?"

Her hand was already clamped over the wound, and now she pulled it away to look at it. The amount of blood wasn't too horribly alarming, at least. "Yeah, I'll...be fine. Maybe a little dizzy for a little while, but I don't think he really...it...got much," she sighed. Slowly she tried to stand and promptly swayed and dropped back to the edge of the couch. "Not _too_ much, anyway..." she grimaced.

Xander swallowed something back and winced. "Sure, look, you just lay back down. I'll uh...get the first aid kit. Those darts'll last plenty long enough that I can get this taken care of first."

"O-okay..." It wasn't until then that she realized she was shaking, and Xander must have noticed it then too. He put a steadying arm around her shoulders instead of getting up.

"Buffy..."

"I'm fine," she insisted. "Just bandage me up and get the others here." She swallowed hard, looking at her Watcher's still form on the floor. She had the bad feeling that the images of the past few minutes wouldn't fade easily.

Xander opened his mouth, but then closed it again and got to his feet. He came back with the first aid kit, cleaned the wound on her neck and taped gauze over it. "Are you sure you're okay?"

She shrugged. "It's not like it hasn't happened before," she said dismissively.

"That's not what I meant," he said quietly, as he closed the kit and set it aside on the coffee table, and glanced pointedly at the unconsious vampire that had been Rupert Giles.

"It doesn't matter, Xander," she told him softly. "It wasn't him."

"But it will be, right? Willow will do the spell, and it'll work. Giles will be back, and everything will be just fine again. That's your plan, isn't it?"

She sighed tiredly. "I know it won't be...just fine. Not exactly. I'm not stupid; I know things will be different, but...yeah. Something like that. Why?" Again there was the mouth open and closing, and the looking away, and Buffy frowned. "No. No you don't."

"What?"

"There's something you want to say, so say it."

"Buffy, I—"

"_Tell me_," she demanded.

He let out a breath, and he wouldn't look at her. Instead he let his gaze rest forlornly on Giles's face. "It's just that I still don't think this is a good idea, Buff."

She stared at him. "How can you even say that? This is _Giles_. After everything he's done for us, doesn't he deserve another chance?"

"Is that what it is?" Xander questioned, looking at her again. "Another chance? Or do you even remember that this spell is actually a _curse_? Remember _that_?"

"That's not important..."

"Of course it is!" Xander pushed to his feet, but he didn't really have anywhere to go. So he just stood, fists clenched.

"This is about Angel, isn't it? You never trusted him, even when he _had_ a soul. You never trusted _that_, did you? What, are you afraid it's not going to work right? You don't have to worry about that. It'll work. I promise you that. It _will_ be Giles."

He shook his head. "Okay, fine. Yeah, I never trusted Angel, or liked him much either. No secret there. But believe it or not, I actually did believe the whole soul thing, back when it was relevant. Otherwise I would have killed him myself a long time ago."

"Then what the hell is this about?" Buffy pressed, making it to her feet herself. Thanks to her quick healing abilities the dizziness was already starting to fade.

"It's about Giles," he said quietly.

"What does that _mean_?"

"Think about it, Buffy," Xander said, more gently now. "Do you really think he would want to live like that?"

"Angel did just fine for long enough," she snapped back. Then, finally, the stab of pain that came from thinking of Angel was too much, and she clammed up again.

"But Giles was a Watcher; he spent most of his life learning to train Slayers—_Vampire_ Slayers."

Her throat hurt now, and she felt tears pressing at the corners of her eyes. "Stop using past tense," she protested weakly. Her own hands were clenching at her sides. "He's not gone—I-I mean, he won't be—"

"Don't you get it? I hate it too, but he _should_ be!"

"No!" Buffy cried, and the tears fell. "I won't let him..."

"Buffy..."

She glared at him, and after a moment she stormed to Giles's weapons chest, opened it roughly to snatch something from inside, and then turned shove a stake into Xander's hands.

"Fine. You think he shouldn't be here? You think we should just give up on him? Then you do it," she spat. "_You_ stake him. Turn the man who's treated you more like a son than your own dad ever did to dust."

Xander stared at the weapon in his hands, wide-eyed, and then he stared at her. He blinked, and he stared...and then his head dropped, and his shoulders shook as he dropped the stake and cried himself. "I can't...Damnit, you know I can't..."

Buffy's anger dissolved, and instead of the snide remark she'd wanted to make a moment ago, she just held onto him. "I'm not crazy," she whispered. "We have to do this. We have to try. I don't think we'll ever forgive ourselves if we don't."

She felt Xander take an unneven breath against her shoulder. "But will _he_ forgive us if we do?"


	5. Chapter 5

Well, here we go...I hope you'll enjoy this chapter, because it's my favorite yet. Please do review! And constructive stuff is more than welcome! Tell me what you like and what you maybe don't. Always looking to know what to improve and what to keep doing cause ya'll like it. :) Anyway, thanks so much for reading! Can't wait to hear from ya'll!

NOTE: I've decided that "Shattered" by Trading Yesterday is the perfect theme song for this story. That doesn't really do anything; just thought I'd mention it. Throw it out there. Shrug. LOL. Though if you want to comment on that too, go right ahead. I kinda would like to know anyone's opinion.

Chapter 5

Getting some real rest at home had helped a little, helped physically, but Willow still felt drained and small inside. What if she couldn't do the spell again? What if it had been a once-in-a-lifetime thing, and she let Buffy and the others down? Or what if Giles hadn't been turned at all? Not that that would be so horrible in the Giles-not-having-to-ever-be-a-monster-in-any-form way, but Willow had to admit that the selfish part of her wanted the chance to see him again, as himself, even if it wasn't going to be the same.

Because he'd be a vampire.

The thought still sent shockwaves through her. Giles. A vampire? It was just...it was so wrong. But it was the only chance they had to get him back. She knew there would be...issues, if everything went as roughly planned. Giles likely wouldn't be very happy with them, she realized. He might very well hate them. That thought hurt even worse, but as she thought about it Willow realized she wasn't quite as grown-up as she'd thought she was coming to be.

Because while everything else was in the back of her mind—she wasn't stupid, after all; she considered everything—the rest of it didn't really matter to her just then. Maybe it was irrational, but she didn't care. Not right now. She wanted Giles back.

"Oz," she whispered. He was driving, but he spared her a quick glance. "This is bad."

"Yeah," he agreed. She didn't need to say anymore, and neither did he. They were getting to that point, and right now it was comforting.

"I'm scared," she added a moment later. The road was straight, and for a moment he reached over to take her hand even while he kept the van straight with his other and kept his eyes on the road. Willow squeezed his hand gratefully, and then let it go.

When they got to Giles's apartment it was Buffy who opened the door for Oz to carry Willow in, and once she'd shut it she went back to pacing the entryway. Xander was nowhere to be seen at first, and then Willow heard the phone in the kitchen being hung up.

Then, too, was when she saw that Giles was in here now, with his hands tied tightly together over his head to the metal railing of the stairs that led to the loft. More heavy ropes bound him to the railing around his chest, and Willow realized that the wounds he'd had were gone. Then did that mean...? She made an urgent downward motion and Oz set her on her feet, but kept a supporting arm around her. "What happened?" she demanded, as Xander emerged from the kitchen.

Buffy was still pacing in tight, tense little circles, but Willow was mostly looking at Giles.

"It happened right after dark. Xander had gone out for a minute, and I drifted off like an idiot. He got loose."

When she looked back at her friend again Buffy's hand was moving unconsciously to her neck, and Willow gasped when she saw the gauze taped there. "Buffy—!"

"I'm fine," she said shortly.

"Showed up just in time to trank him before he could really get anything. Or so she tells me," Xander said, in a tone that made it clear he was not convinced.

Willow felt sick. Giles—no, the _demon_—had fed off of Buffy? Even if was just a little, and it hadn't really been him, Giles was going to feel horrible about that later.

God, what were they doing here? Did they have any right?

"Anyway," Xander continued, "I was about to call your house, Will, but then you guys walked in. I already called Cordelia. She still thinks we're crazy, but she's coming."

Willow nodded slowly. "That could be good."

Buffy tiredly cocked an eyebrow at her. "'Splainy?"

"I mean, if both Oz and Cordelia are going to be here anyway, I think we should do the spell exactly the same way as last time, with the same people. They were helping me last time, so they'll help me this time. It could give the whole thing that little extra push, just to make sure it'll work again."

Buffy shrugged. "Yeah, makes sense. Let's go with it."

"It won't take Cordy long to get here," Xander put in.

"I'll get the stuff out of the van," Oz said. He glanced at Willow. "Where do you want to be?"

She scanned the living room, and came up with the only logical answer. "Couch. We'll set up on the coffee table." Oz swept her up again and took the few steps required to deposit her gently in the center of the couch. Then he headed back out to his vehicle. A moment later Buffy set a brown paper bag on the coffee table in front of her.

"The stuff from the magic shop," she explained needlessly. That would be a new Orb of Thesulah, and a couple of smaller ingredients that had been used up two night ago.

"Thanks."

Buffy nodded in response and went back to her pacing as Willow pulled out what was in the bag. Then Oz was back with the other bag that had been waiting in his van, and she pulled all of that out too. Oz, who remembered some of what the set-up had looked like since he'd been there, started to help where he could.

They hadn't even talked about it...the fact that they were going to do the spell now. There could be more talking about the whole idea in the first place, but there was something in the atmosphere that made it clear there would be no point in talking about it, or putting it off. No matter what else any of them thought in the more rational recesses of their minds, they all knew what their answer would be, in the end.

They had to do this.

Still, once Cordelia arrived Buffy spoke. They all stood around the couch and coffee table, around the set-up for the spell...the curse...and they looked at it for a moment. They looked at it, and they looked at the unconsious vampire that had been their friend and their mentor.

"Anyone have anything else to say?" Buffy asked. "Questions? Comments? Concerns? I'm not saying they'll be met with a whole lot of consideration at this point, but you all have a right to get them out."

Xander winced a little, but said nothing. No one else did, either.

It was Cordelia who broke the silence.

"Let's get this train wreck on the road already."

A badly mixed metaphor, but...it got the point across. Willow took a deep breath as Buffy nodded in agreement and looked at her meaningfully.

This was it.

* * *

Buffy had been jittery since not-Giles had jumped her, but as Oz and Cordelia sat on either side of Willow and the spell began, she was strangely calm. Xander stood on the other side of the couch, at its back, training the trank gun at Giles, just in case. Buffy stood to the side of the couch, where she could see both Willow and the spell and Giles just as easily.

Everything seemed to be going fine, until halfway through chanting the curse Willow paused abruptly, and something went through her. When she began speaking again, she was continuing in what Buffy assumed was the original Latin.

"What the hell is going on?" Xander demanded.

Buffy locked gazes with Oz in alarm, but relaxed a little when she saw he wasn't worried. He looked a little weirded out, sure, but not worried.

"Oz?" she asked urgently.

"It's ok," he said.

Cordelia shrugged, but continued to pass the incense over the spell's other ingredients, as she was supposed to. Still, she was keeping a close eye on Willow. "This happened last time," she said, having to raise her voice some over the volume with which Willow was chanting.

Buffy stared and swallowed, and as she watched something misty and golden-orange coalesced in the orb where it sat.

"That's..." she whispered. _Giles's soul. _

It was beautiful.

Willow's chanting seemed to reach a climax, and then she stopped. As she did the orb itself, along with its contents, simply faded away. Disappeared. And Willow slumped, blinking, and she was herself again.

"Did it work?" she frowned. They all stood up, and Buffy looked back and forth between Willow and Giles, worried and unsure.

"I don't kn—"

She stopped when Giles gasped, and they got their answer. They all twisted to watch as his back arched as much away from the railing as much as it could with the ropes holding him there, and for a brief second Buffy saw the same strange light in his eyes that had passed through Angel just before he'd stopped fighting—when he'd suddenly become himself again.

"Giles!" She ran for him.

"Wait, Buffy, are you sure—?" Xander called.

But she knew. She knew, and she ignored the others as she dropped to her knees at her Watcher's side and wrapped her arms around him and held on tight. "Giles," she sobbed. "Giles, thank god. I'm so sorry..."

She was crying, but she didn't care. She forgot about the ropes, but when Giles muttered a weak "What...?" and the others realized it had worked, Xander dropped the trank gun and was there in an instant cutting the ropes away. Giles's arms fell inadvertently around Buffy, and in another second he was returning the embrace, even if he was still confused.

"Buffy? You're...What happened?"

"It doesn't matter. You're here. That's all that matters." He would know what she meant in a few minutes, when he remembered. Just in case, she wanted to get that out now, while he was still listening. He might not be listening soon. Buffy took advantage of the time she had until then, and she held on.

Xander was still crouched beside them, just staring. His eyes were damp. "Hey, G-man," he gulped quietly. The others were coming around the couch, and Giles was looking back and forth between all of them. He tried to stand, and Buffy and Xander helped him to his feet. Willow was already crying too, though only in that silent tears were tracking down her cheeks.

"Giles..."

He looked at her in alarm. "Willow, what is it?" he asked, and winced, rubbing at a temple for a moment. "What on earth's happened?" he asked again. "I can't remember...Angel! Is he—"

"He's gone," Buffy filled in softly, swallowing against the pain. "Dead. And Spike and Drusilla ran off. The world's safe."

"Oh..." He seemed to relax a bit, but he still seemed frustrated at the gap in his memory. Now he really looked around at where they were, and frowned again. "Why are we all in my flat?" He focused on Buffy again, and she remembered the gauze on her neck too late. Her hand clamped over it automatically, and she winced, but that only drew his attention straight to it.

Giles's eyes widened. "Buffy!" He pulled her hand away. "Dear lord, what...? Did Angel...?"

"No," she said dismissively. She thought about backing up, so he would focus his attention elsewhere, but what kind of message would that send later if he took it the wrong way? She never wanted him to think she blamed him. Not ever. "I'm fine, really. Don't worry about it."

But he was still staring at the covered wound, and now the others were getting fidgety long with her. "Giles..." She began slowly, in a warning tone that slipped out before she could stop it. The others were just standing where they were, unsure of what they were supposed to be doing. The situation was more than a little unprecedented.

Giles had pulled his hand back, but now he reached for her again, tentatively.

He didn't touch her this time. Or he didn't make it to that. He stopped instead, staring at his fingers. He pulled them back and flexed them, and then the ones on his other hand too. "They're fine," he muttered.

Xander cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Yeah, funny story..." But he didn't continue.

Giles looked up abruptly. "What happened?" he demanded now. He reached up to touch his forehead, where there had been a deep cut, but of course he didn't find it there. "Oh god..."

He was starting to remember.

Buffy took his arms and held tight. "Giles, look at me. Listen. It's okay, okay? We had to. We couldn't just—but it'll be okay..."

She couldn't get out anything more coherent just yet, and either way she couldn't tell how much he absorbed. He was staring at nothing, at his own memories as they rushed back. "Oh god. Drusilla. She—I-I—" Giles focused again, on Buffy's neck, and she had never seen so much horror on his face. He pulled away from her as if she were a hot poker, away from all of them. For a panicked moment he stared down at himself, and a hand fisted over his chest.

"What have you done?" he gasped. "No. Oh god, no..." He sounded like he was hyperventilating, though he didn't even need the air anymore. He backed into the couch by accident, and looked back on reflex. When he looked back up it was more than obvious that he'd seen the makings of the spell on the coffee table.

"Hey, let's just take it easy..." Xander tried uncertainly.

Giles ignored him. "What have you done!" he repeated, shouting now.

"We didn't have a choice!" Buffy cried.

"Yes you did! I trusted you!" He passed a frantic glance over all of them. "All of you! I trusted..."

Willow sobbed. "Giles, please..."

His gaze slipped to her, and stayed there for a moment. Buffy didn't know what it was...maybe it was how small Willow looked thanks to the concussion and the hospital stay, or maybe it was due to the strange and innocent connection that had formed between older British geek and younger American one over the past year and a half...but something happened there.

And it broke him.

Giles sobbed dryly, and he staggered further away. Buffy took a step, but he held up a hand to stop her. "No...don't. Don't. Just...go. Please. All of you just...go." Without another word he fled into the hallway, and the bathroom door shut loudly behind him.

"What the hell _did_ we just do?" Cordelia murmured, shocked.

"He needs some time," Oz said quietly. "Maybe some major time. Can't really blame him."

Buffy didn't bother finding a seat. She was on her knees again before she knew she needed one, and she was leaning against the back of the couch, staring at the hallway where Giles had disappeared.

None of them were leaving. That much she knew. But none of them knew what to do now, either.

* * *

Giles leaned heavily against the bathroom door behind him once he'd closed it. He felt like his heart should be pounding in his chest, complaining...but it wasn't.

It would never beat again.

He was dead.

_They've broken every rule the Council ever—_

But he couldn't deal with logistics now. Giles couldn't think. Not really. He was still trying to wrap his mind around what was happening, though he didn't want to.

His chest clenched, and if he'd needed air he would have been gasping for it. _Buffy..._

He'd hurt her.

The demon had hurt her.

The demon...inside him.

His gaze swept the room, and he saw the chains on the floor, two ends still hanging loosely from the bathtub's pipes. He remembered waking up there, now, and squirming free of them. He remembered everything that had happened from then until Xander had shot him with the tranquilizer gun. Twice. And though his heart couldn't beat, it could ache.

Rupert looked up slowly, because he didn't want to face what he knew he had to. He didn't want it to be real.

But then he was staring across the bathroom...into the mirror.

And there was nothing there.

Giles sobbed again. He felt the tears, and remembered that everything else still functioned the same, even for...

Vampires.

He was a vampire.

Rupert lost his footing and slid until he was on the floor against the door, and he cried.


	6. Chapter 6

School has been busy this week, and the rest of the weekend I'll have a project to work on, but anyway...got enough time to get this chapter out, anyway. So I hope you enjoy it. :) Can't wait to hear from ya'll! Please let me know what ya think, so I know ya'll want me to keep going. Thanks for the great reviews I've gotten so far! Ya'll are a big help, and I hope to hear from more of ya'll, too. Thanks again!

Chapter 6

It had been long, silent minutes since Giles had calmed, but he hadn't moved from his spot on the floor. He hadn't heard anything really from out in the rest of the apartment either, and he thought Buffy and the others had gone.

Then, ever so hesitantly, there was a light tapping on the door.

"Uh...okay, for starters, you kinda had to know we weren't just gonna leave..."

Xander.

Rupert took in a breath he didn't need, the action comforting. Though he would have needed it if he'd wanted to speak, he didn't say anything. Not yet. Knowing Xander, the boy would have something else to say.

The pause lasted a little longer before the expected continuation. "Anyway, we uh...we're still out here. We're not going anywhere till you come out, so..." There was a soft thumping sound, on the floor just on the other side of the door. "Look...here. There's some clothes...you probably wanna change. They're right out here, if you want 'em. Uh...don't worry; it was just Oz and me that went looking for them." Another pause, and then a sigh. "So yeah."

Padded footsteps retreated from the door, and Giles pushed air softly through his teeth.

No, he hadn't really thought they would just leave. Of course they wouldn't. When had they ever really listened to him? All right, maybe that was unfair, but—

No. He had to stop. He couldn't stay angry with them, no matter how hard he tried. Not that it wasn't in his nature, or never had been...it certainly had been. He knew it was still there, somewhere—what he'd been in the past, in the days when he'd wanted nothing to do with the Council of Watchers and he'd considered Ethan Rayne a friend. But he couldn't bear for these children to see that side of him, and by now he cared about them enough that he couldn't have summoned it if he'd wanted to.

He couldn't be angry. He could be disappointed, frustrated...but not angry. Not at them, anyway. He could easily feel anger boiling in his chest, but he knew it was directed elsewhere—Drusilla, Angelus, Spike, even himself—but not Buffy or Willow or Xander or Oz or even Cordelia.

Rupert swallowed, and knew that was the crux of it. He wasn't angry at them. He could even understand why they'd done what they'd done.

So he couldn't stay holed up in this bathroom any longer, could he?

He sighed, and after another long moment he pushed up on his knees and moved away from the door enough to open it a crack and pull inside whatever Xander had left on the floor out there. They were casual clothes, jeans and socks and a long-sleeved t-shirt and a pullover. He thought with mild amusement that the presence of such things—of which he actually had quite a few—in his drawers up in the loft had probably come as something of a shock.

Giles had known Buffy and Xander and Willow, at least, for going on more than a year and a half, and they had never seen him in anything more casual than what he wore to work everyday. They had never ever been here to where he lived for any other reason than an urgent case or some other emergency.

Regrets...

He was dead. If he hadn't been _here_, he knew he would have had them elsewhere, too. Wherever elsewhere was.

Giles got to his feet, and pulled the chains away from the bathtub, out of the way so he could get the curtain closed for a shower. He showered, and changed, and eventually felt presentable enough...though he didn't know if he would ever feel clean again.

He stared at the bathroom door for a while after that. This was going to be harder than opening it just long enough and just far enough to pick something up from the floor just outside it. He had to go there. Even after he got his hand on the knob, there was more waiting. More stalling.

Finally Rupert huffed in annoyance at himself and just did it. Silently he opened the door and he stepped out into the hallway.

There were five pairs of eyes on him almost immediately.

_I can't..._

But he walked forward. He came to the end of the hallway, at the edge of the living room, and Cordelia and Oz and Willow stood from the couch. It looked like Buffy and Xander had already been on their feet for a good while.

Giles didn't know how to begin. Or if they would. Then he realized Oz was helping Willow stay upright, and finally registered that she had been leaning on her boyfriend before, too.

"Willow, what happened to you?" he asked in concern. It gave him something to say, and he wanted to know as it was.

She blinked a few times, apparently a little thrown off by his first choice of topic. "Oh, uh...well I guess you remember the whole attack in the library thing?"

"Too well. Before I was knocked out, anyhow."

"Yeah, I uh...got knocked out too. Vampires. Bookshelf. Concussion. There was a hospital involved and a whole they-didn't-know-if-I-was-gonna-wake-up thing."

"Good lord! Are you all right? Are all of you...?" He didn't remember seeing anything else obvious, but then again he hadn't been paying much attention, he admitted to himself as Xander shrugged and held up a casted wrist. "Xander?"

The boy shrugged. "It'll be fine. Hurt like hell at the time, but it's not bad now. There's just, you know, the itchiness, but it's all good—won't have to wear this thing as long as for, like, something else. And it's short so, you know, easy to get into with a pencil or a coathanger should the aforementioned itchiness require that."

Oz seemed to be taking in the outfit. "Hey, check it out. Book Man can look like the rest of us."

Cordelia nodded, in what he thought was a mildly appreciative manner. "Not bad, actually. Though slightly creepy, and that has nothing to do with the being a vampire." The other four young people glared at her, and her eyebrows went up. "What, was I not supposed to bring that up? Hello. Truth?" She looked back to Giles, and he realized she looked a bit apologetic anyway. "I told them they were crazy, if that helps any. Still glad to have you back and everything though. Completely, honest."

"Yes, Cordelia, I believe you," Rupert answered quietly. "You're nothing if not honest." She smiled as if he'd just proven some great debate for her.

"Thanks."

Giles looked to Willow again, and she assured him she was going to be fine. Then the room fell back into silence. Buffy was the only one not to have said anything, and she didn't say anything now. It was Willow who broke the silence when she spoke again.

"Giles, we—"

"Please don't," he interrupted quickly. "Don't...try to explain. Not yet. Let me...I want to apologize. I shouldn't have acted the way I did. That was...uncalled for."

There was silence for a brief second as they stared at him, and then Willow swallowed.

"No it wasn't," she said quietly. "That's the whole thing here. The way you reacted was...completely called for, in your situation, I think. You have every right to be angry with us, and I think we all understand that. So...you don't have to be all British and bury it, okay? That'd be worse."

Rupert's eyebrows went up, and for a long moment he just looked at her. "No, Willow, I'm not...not angry. Not at the lot of _you_, anyway. I am...many things, right now, but I'm not that. If you're wanting me to be honest I must say I'm disapointed, because I thought you all would have known better, but...I promise you that I'm not angry."

Still mortified, terrified, and in shock, certainly, but not angry.

And in that moment, looking at them all, he knew for certain that it was true. He could never hate them; he loved these children. Meddlesome though they could be, he loved them. They were the only family he had.

He realized now, too, that they were the only family he ever _would_ have. There was no chance of anything else anymore.

Giles swallowed and blinked back sudden tears, and the blur kept him from seeing Willow break from Oz and move until her arms were around him. Then he had no choice but go along with it, to return the embrace, and then Xander was there, too, enveloping both of them.

When the two of them let go Buffy was waiting. They got out of her way and she looked at him.

"We weren't just going to let you go," she told him gently, but firmly.

And that was what he'd understood. Maybe he didn't know his Slayer and her friends as well as he would like, but he knew her well enough to know she would see it that way.

Rupert nodded slowly. "I know." He rested a hand on her shoulder and squeezed, and managed to smile a little. Finally she did, too, and then she hugged him. She held on for a long time, but Giles didn't mind.

"I'm sorry," she whispered eventually.

"Shh. None of that right now."

He was having enough trouble coming to grips with reality as it was to worry about the whys and wherefores. There would be more than enough to discuss later, but it didn't have to be done now. Part of realizing how much he cared about these children meant knowing he wouldn't negate what they'd done just because he wasn't sure it had been the right choice.

Buffy squeezed him tighter, and vaguely he noticed she must have been unconsiously using her Slayer strength. He was aware she was squeezing harder than would be comfortable for a normal human, but it didn't bother him.

Giles wondered how long it would take before everything reminded him that he wasn't human anymore, and realized it was only beginning.

Then he shut those thoughts down before they drove him to distraction and he lost it.

When Buffy finally let go, he cleared his throat and glanced at the clock. "Well, it...it _is_ quite late. You should all be getting home; your parents will worry..."

Cordelia scoffed. "Daddy? Wreck one of his boats; _then_ he'll be worried."

"Yes, well, you all need sleep, either way..."

It wasn't that he necessarily really wanted them gone, but...god, he didn't even know what day it was. There could be school tomorrow. They really didn't need to be out so late if it were no longer necessary, and...

Well, he would appreciate time to sort out the rest of his thoughts.

But they weren't moving.

After another moment Buffy opened her mouth, and answered quietly, "Only if you promise you'll still be here in the morning."

Giles blinked once, then winced and looked away as he realized that their past with him and his previous reaction all gave them every reason to suspect that if they left him alone they might not find him later, no matter what he might try to placate them with by saying now.

"I promise," he sighed. He looked at them again, all in the eyes, so they would know he meant it. "I'll be here."

After a moment Buffy relaxed. "Okay...I uh...I guess we'll get out of your way for tonight." She glanced at the others. "Come on, guys."

Xander's eyebrows went up. "You sure?" he asked, looking back and forth between them.

"Xand, I'm sure he's got a lot to sort out. We should let him be, okay?" The boy backed down and nodded.

Giles couldn't quite place the pain on Buffy's face, that lay just under the surface—couldn't tell if it was more guilt or grief or something else, but he knew it was there. He wished there were more he could do about it, but he was ill-equipped at the moment. He was still too shaken over all of this to be of much use, and he knew it. From the look on her face, she knew it, too.

As much as he hated it, all he could do tonight was let the lot of them go, and get home and get some probably much-needed rest. No matter how much any of them might have slept or not since...they all looked tired.

They all moved in to embrace him first, one at a time, even if they already had, and he let them. After tonight, he owed them that much, no matter what his opinion of what they'd done for him. Then Willow gathered her things from the coffee table and Buffy herded them out the door, and they all went, reluctantly, looking back over their shoulders before they were gone.

Then he was alone.

Giles shuffled to the door after a long minute or two, to lock it, but as he was moving away again something caught his eye out the window. He went to the glass, and saw that Buffy was still out there, back half to him and staring blankly at the ground where she stood several feet away. She looked almost as if she'd forgotten she was supposed to be moving.

Rupert sighed and went back to the door. He unlocked it, and he opened it, and he turned on the porch light and stood in the doorway for a moment, watching her and wondering if she would notice. When she didn't, he quietly called her name.

Buffy looked up quickly in surprise, swiping suspiciously at her face. "Oh...Giles. I-I'm sorry, I meant to leave. I was just...thinking, I guess. I'm going..." She started to turn away completely, but then stopped and sobbed.

"Buffy?" he asked in alarm.

Her face dropped into her hands and she cried. "Who am I kidding? I have nowhere to go."

Giles stepped from the apartment and went to her uncertainly. "What do you mean?" She didn't turn to face him on her own, so he did it for her, turning her around with a hand on her shoulder. "Buffy, what is it?"

His Slayer looked up at him with a tear-streaked face. It still took time for her to answer him. "Giles, I can't go home."

"Why on earth not?"

She swallowed and looked away again. "Mom...she knows now. There was a vamp, and it jumped me outside the house, and-and she saw me dust it. I had to tell her; I didn't have a choice. She freaked..." She sobbed again. "She wanted me to quit, and when I told her it didn't work like that, she told me not to come back."

Oh dear lord...

Giles grimaced. "Buffy, parents say things..._people_ say things, when they're angry or-or frightened, or shocked..." He knew he wasn't only talking about Joyce Summers, and she seemed to realize that too. "Anyhow, I'm certain she didn't mean it that way. Your mother loves you very much."

Buffy's arms tightened around herself. "But is that gonna be enough for her to accept this?" she wondered quietly.

He opened his mouth to tell her it would be all right, but knew he couldn't promise that. He wasn't her mother. "I certainly hope so," he said.

It was her turn to wince now. "That's not everything," she told him, apologetically. He continued to look at her, to let her know he was listening, and she took a deep breath and continued. "Drusilla killed Kendra."

Something in his chest clenched, and the ache that was already there only intensified. He'd assumed she was either elsewhere, or had gone home seeing as the threat was over. "Oh no..."

"Unfortunately, worst part's still coming."

He shut up and listened, horrified more by the minute.

"Drusilla would be dead herself if Spike hadn't gotten away with her while I was fighting Angel, but that's not the point. The point is that the police still think I did it. It was a whole circumstancial thing; don't ask me to explain. Anyway, this is Sunday night, so it's been two days, and the manhunt's died down, but I'll still be arrested if I'm seen anywhere, so I can't go to Will's or Xander's or anyone else's place, because we can't trust anyone's parents not to turn me in. Oh yeah, and on top of that, Snyder expelled me." She finished, and her arms hung limply at her sides as she sighed heavily again.

"So yeah...nowhere to go."

"Good Lord, Buffy..." He trailed for a moment, and looked at her for another long minute or two. Then Rupert headed back to his door. "Come back inside," he said gently. "You can stay here for tonight. We can...begin to sort this all out in the morning."

There wasn't any other choice, really. As much as part of him wanted to be alone now, he didn't have that option. Maybe he was ill-equipped to help her now, but she needed him. Giles wasn't going to turn her out. He knew she wouldn't have wanted to impose, and that was why she'd tried to get away without saying anything. It wasn't her fault that her fractured emotions wouldn't let her, and he was glad now that she hadn't, really. He wondered where she would have gone, and decided he didn't want to know—if _she_ had even known.

Buffy looked at him in the light of the doorway, wide-eyed. "Wait...are you sure?

"Yes, Buffy, I'm perfectly certain."

She looked like she still wanted to protest, but then she closed her mouth again and sheepishly slipped past him and back into the flat. Rupert shut the door and stood there, shoving his hands into his pockets, unsure of what to do now. His general plan for the rest of the night had been much sitting and staring into space, but...now he had a guest.

"Thanks," she said quietly.

"You're welcome."

Buffy shrugged and curled up on one end of the couch, apparently as much at a loss as he was. Giles decided the simplest answer was best. He began to pull the pillows from the others chairs and hand them to her on the couch, along with a blanket. "Here. You should sleep...and perhaps you should consider calling your mother in the morning?"

She'd been taking the pillows as he passed them to her, but as she took the blanket when he said this, she froze. "I-I don't know...maybe she needs more time, or something..."

He sat beside her for a moment. "Buffy..." he began uncomfortably. "When I finally joined the Watchers' Council, that was the attitude I took on plans to talk things over with...with my father. To find some kind of recociliation. But I procrastinated, and I'm not saying this would turn into years as it did in my case, but...

Buffy looked at him, expecting him to finish, but he couldn't. Then her eyes widened, and her fingers went to her mouth. "Oh, Giles...you never got the chance, did you?" He didn't have to answer for her to know she was right.

He found her arms around him again. She had never been one much for such displays of affection before—not to him, anyway, on a general basis—but this ordeal seemed to have done something not only to her on that front, but to the others as well. Himself included.

She didn't seem to have anything to say, really, but she hugged him for a moment and then sat up again, twisting her fingers together in her lap. "It's just...I'm scared, Giles. What if she never—"

She stopped, but he understood her fears. What if her mother couldn't accept what Buffy was? What if there were more permanent drastic results that _none_ of them wanted? He didn't think that would be the case, but he knew she would fear it.

"She loves you, Buffy," he reminded her again. "I'm sure this will all work itself out somehow."

Buffy nodded wearily and began to arrange the pillows on the couch, and Rupert got up to make more room for her to do it. He moved to the nearest chair and sat with his arms resting on his knees, there if there was anything else she wanted to say, or to talk about. Perhaps, even as much in turmoil as he felt inside, he wasn't quite as ill-equipped as he'd thought. It was strangely comforting and yet not so strange at all to find that being there for his Slayer came so easily no matter the circumstances for either of them.

He spoke again after a moment, when she didn't. "I'm not certain what to do about school, but as for the legal matters...well, I'm certain the Council could take care of it, though perhaps they could straighten out the problem with Principal Snyder, as well. I suppose I'll contact them tomorrow—though they can't know about...about me. This. Uhm..." He trailed off and winced when she looked up in alarm at that. "I don't at all know what they would do," he explained.

"Oh..."

Giles stood and nodded down at the couch. "Anyway, you sleep. As I said, we can see to all of this in the morning. I'll be upstairs." He knew he still wouldn't sleep, but he would be out of her way up there. Hopefully, she would be able to. "Will you be all right there?"

Buffy nodded and kicked her shoes off at the foot of the sofa. "I've been here the past two nights, anyway. Not that I got a lot of sleep, but whatever..."

"Ah."

She pulled her feet up under the blanket she'd thrown over herself, and leaned back into the pillows. Giles started to head up to the loft, but she called after him.

"Giles?"

He paused at the foot of the stairs to glance back at her.

She had her knees pulled up to her chest now, and her arms were wrapped around them as she looked at him hesitantly. Her eyes were damp again. "I...I know that, really, you might not be all that ecstatic about it, and I don't know what telling you this is gonna do, but...I-I'm glad you're back. So glad. I don't think you know how much—" She had to break off, and she swallowed and sank down into the couch and under the blanket and lay down. "Anyway, good night."

Giles watched her for a moment, and if she hadn't drifted off almost immediately she was doing a good job of pretending to be asleep.

He swallowed against the sudden lump in his throat. "Good night."


	7. Chapter 7

Okay, here ya'll go. :) Busy weekend, it was...Anyway, I can't wait to hear from you all! Thanks so much for all the reviews so far. Please do keep leaving them; they help so much! Thanks! You all have a good week now. :)

Chapter 7

When Buffy woke on Giles's couch, she was afraid it had all been a dream. She was afraid nothing had happened and they had been wrong—Giles was gone for good and she'd drifted off while Xander was out and she'd only dreamed they'd gotten him back...

Then something whistled in the kitchen and was quickly stopped. There was a soft British curse, and the clenching in her chest eased when she realized it was all real.

Buffy knew it must be morning. It felt like morning, but nearly the only light came from a lamp that she couldn't see, probably behind her on the desk. She sat up groggily, shoving the blanket to the floor. She saw the closed curtains and the faint traces of sunlight peeking from beneath them, and remembered the rest.

Giles was back, but he was a vampire. He had a soul. He was okay...

But nothing was ever going to be the same again.

"Giles?"

Something clanked softly, and he came out from the kitchen, drying his hands on a towel. "Oh, Buffy, you're awake? I'm terribly sorry if it's my fault; I was just...making tea..." He trailed off and looked away uncomfortably, probably because he realized how that sounded now. He didn't need it, and she knew that. But it was comfortable for him. Normal. Doing it was probably helping to take the edge off of...all of this. Maybe. She hoped so.

And she hoped the awkward trailing off wasn't because he'd thought she might make fun of him for it. Of course she wouldn't.

Buffy shrugged and shook her head. "Nope, I woke up all on my own. The funny sounds just told me you were down here."

"Yes, well..." Giles smiled a little, and glanced back toward the kitchen. "Would you like some? Tea, I mean."

She nodded eagerly. "Please. Tea me."

He disappeared again, and returned a moment later with two cups and handed her one.

"Thanks..." Buffy frowned at him when he sat in the next chair. "What are you doing all the way over there?" He raised a quizzical eyebrow at her, and she patted the couch. "Please?" Giles hesitated a moment, but then moved to take the other side of it. Still not satisfied, Buffy scooted closer in next to him and sat back with her tea, pulling her feet up on the edge of the coffee table as she took a sip. It was hot, and she lowered it to her lap and decided to wait a bit.

She knew Giles was looking at her, but she didn't care. He didn't seem to know just what to make of her, especially when she looped an arm through his and held on with her head on his shoulder like a tired child at a fair. "Sorry if I'm being weird, but you must have gathered that the you-being-dead thing scared the hell outta me," she said quietly.

Otherwise, this right here would have been too strange, but it was so hard to really believe Giles was here without being next to him. The closest thing she could equate the feeling to was how she'd felt when she'd been young, before her parents' divorce, when her father would go on a business trip. When he returned she would hang onto him for hours, never quite convinced he wasn't going to disappear again.

Then, of course, he had. For good, mostly. That probably wasn't helping here.

Buffy almost expected Giles to go all British, freak out, and jump up, but he didn't. He didn't seem completely comfortable, either, but he didn't move. She had to love him for that.

"I'm sorry," she whispered finally.

He cleared his throat. "N-no, it's...it's all right."

Buffy sighed and sat up, setting her tea on the coffee table. "No, I mean...you know..."

His eyebrows went up. "Buffy..."

She'd let go, and she was facing him now. "It was all me, Giles. The others just went along with it. You know how single-minded I can get; they didn't really have a choice—"

"It's all right, Buffy—"

"No it's not! Look, okay, I know I'm not often all that in-tune to anyone's emotions but my own, but I'm not blind or stupid. Maybe I was scared before, but this is all scaring the hell out of _you_ right _now_. I _know_ that, and I'm sorry. It's my fault, and..." She looked away. "I don't expect you to forgive me right away."

"I told you I'm not angry," he answered gently.

She winced and glanced back. "Maybe not. But you still have to blame somebody."

"It's not you; if I'm going to blame anyone, it should be Drusilla."

Buffy blinked. He'd mentioned Drusilla before, but he'd been just remembering, and upset at the time. There had been no way to be sure what he'd meant. "It _was_ her?" He nodded silently, not quite looking at her. She had to admit that, in some small way, it was a relief that it hadn't been Angel, but...it was only one small thing. It helped some, but not a whole not, in the grand scheme of things.

Her life was still shot to hell.

"Oh..." She swallowed. "I'm sorry."

Giles looked at her wearily. "Honestly, Buffy, I don't know what I'll do with you if I hear those words one more time."

Her automatic reaction was to apologize again, but she stopped herself just in time and laughed weakly. "Yeah..." He smiled, but even if it was sad, it was good to see. It was better than nothing. He sipped at his tea, and she picked up her own. It had cooled enough that it was drinkable, and she downed half of it in one go. When she looked at Giles again, she realized he was still in the same clothes, and how tired he looked. She'd forgotten that vampires could still look tired.

"You haven't changed. You didn't sleep, did you?"

He shook his head. "No...couldn't. I uhm...I know I'll still need to, but...I don't believe I'll be able, for a while." As he took another drink from his cup he winced, as if he hadn't meant to say that much.

For a while. Well, that meant he was considering being around for a while, anyway. That much was good. She had to admit to herself that after his initial reaction last night she'd been afraid he might run, or...or, well...

Anyway. There was no need to think about that. Giles was going to have a lot of adjusting to do—they all were—but she was beginning to think they were going to pull it off. Maybe things really could be okay, somehow. Eventually.

As soon as she got the cops off her back, figured out how to get back into school, and figured out this thing with her mother, anyhow.

Great.

Giles glanced up at the clock. "Let's see, uhm...it would be about the right time now in England, to get in touch with the Council."

Buffy drank the rest of her tea and stood. "Good. You do that. Mind if I use your shower? I kind of reek." He had no objection to her using the bathroom, and she retrieved the bag she'd brought from her house before. She'd left it in the corner by the front door, and she brought the whole thing into the bathroom with her rather than dig through it out there.

The chains were gone, probably back in the weapons chest where they belonged. That had to have made noise, but she hadn't woken. She wondered if the demon had taken enough blood, at least, to leave her tired, and she simply hadn't noticed thanks to the adrenaline the rest of the night had lent.

After she'd showered and dressed and dried her hair as best she could with the towel since of course Giles didn't have a blow dryer, she cleaned the wound again and examined it. It didn't look any worse than the one the Master had left, and she cut off that thought immediately. The Master was the last thing she wanted to think about now. Anyway, it wasn't bad.

Buffy looked for the first aid kit, but it wasn't in the bathroom and she remembered that Xander had never put it back. What she couldn't remember was where he'd left it.

"Crap," she muttered. With a hand self-consciously at her neck, she slipped cautiously from the bathroom and out into the hall. When she didn't see Giles right away she listened for him, and cheered a silent score when she heard him up in the loft, on the phone. Quickly she hurried out into the living room, twisting in place to look for the missing first aid kit. She didn't see it right away, and started moving aside the blanket and pillows from where she'd slept that had fallen to the floor.

Finally Buffy had to get down on her hands and knees to search under the furniture. She felt ridiculous, but was rewarded when she found the kit under the couch.

"Buffy?"

"OW!" She jerked up in surprise, shouting when she hit her head on the hard wooden edge piece of the underside of the couch. "Damn you freakin' vampires and your sneaking up on people!" By the time this finished slipping out, completely unbidden, she was on her feet with the first aid kit clutched in her hands and Giles was only two feet away, staring at her. He didn't look hurt yet, but she knew it was going to get there pretty quickly.

"Ooooh god. I didn't mean that! Not in a bad way, I swear. You just, you know, startled me..."

"I'm sorry. I didn't intend to."

"I know! I mean, of course you didn't. It's just your nature. I mean _you_! Not the whole vampire thing. _You_ do that. All the time. I-I mean it's how you met me, remember? You snuck up behind me. Always meant to, like, fuss at you about that or something. Later. I just didn't. Not that I'm doing it now. Way too late for that. Okay, I'm just gonna quit while I'm way behind..."

Buffy grimaced and tried to duck away, back to the bathroom, but he caught her shoulder, gently, and she stopped. She knew he was looking at her neck—at the wound that was perfectly visible now. She didn't want him to have to stand there and look at it and feel guilty, but she froze because she didn't know what else to do. If she pulled away and retreated, what would he think then?

She heard Giles make some kind of small sound, something that was obviously pain, and she swallowed.

"It's not bad," she said quietly. She ventured a look at him. "And it wasn't you." He nodded, but he wouldn't look at her. She thought she saw tears in his eyes, but she couldn't tell.

Giles moved around the couch and pulled out the chair from his desk. "Come on."

Buffy blinked. "Giles, you don't have to—"

"I can do it much better than you could yourself. It's all right. Please, just sit down."

She sighed softly and went around to take the chair, but before he could do anything she spoke. "You shouldn't have to be so nice to me."

"What?"

"I mean...why _are_ you always so nice? God knows there've been plenty of situations where you didn't have to be. Seriously. You never just...let me have it, and you'd think that what with you being my Watcher and all that your part of your _job_ would be letting me have it every now and then. But no, you just get all British and mature and you don't. Ever." She sat back for a minute, and behind her Giles didn't move. She couldn't tell what he might be thinking, and after a moment she decided she wasn't through.

Buffy stood and turned to face him, her arms crossed now. "So why? Huh? Explain this to me. You didn't let me have it when I knocked you out and went to face the Master by myself, and you didn't let me have it after what happened with Angel, and you kinda tried to let me have it after I stopped you from getting yourself killed after Miss Calendar died, at which point I promptly decked you again, cause at the moment you kinda needed it but you_ still _didn't let me have it, and aside from the initial freakout you're not doing it now! Why? You're driving me crazy! I mean, this is...this HUGE, and I know I probably messed up, big time, and maybe I don't care about that so much, but you not saying anything about it still isn't helping!"

Giles's hands were on the back of the chair she'd vacated, and he leaned over it some."Buffy, we've been over this in the past. I don't 'let you have it' because it's not needed—not to mention rather immature. Would my yelling at you or telling you what you already know you've done help at all? Would it accomplish anything? Would it teach you anything?"

"I-I don't know..." she trailed. "It might make me feel better."

"I really don't believe it would."

She deflated. "No...probably not." She shrugged. "I don't even know what I'm feeling anymore. At this point if you _did_ let me have it I'd probably cry like an idiot—_again_, for crying out loud—and then where would we be?"

His eyebrows went up a bit. "Crying does not make you an idiot."

"Well it makes me a girl. Not that I'm all that happy about that part of the whole female thing."

"It makes you human," he said quietly.

Buffy let out a breath and studied him for a moment, even though he was back to not quite looking at her. That was when she remembered what had happened, right after Giles had shut himself in the bathroom the night before. What they'd all heard, from the other side of that door. She'd never planned to mention it, but...

She reached out and squeezed his arm, and when he finally looked at her again she smiled, just a little. His eyes were still damp, and she thought hers might be too. It didn't matter.

"Then I guess you don't have to be human to be human."

Giles took in air in a small gasp and pulled away, swiping at eyes. His shoulders shook for a moment or two, and Buffy waited. She let him face her again of his own accord. When he did he smiled uncertainly, though it was more a grimace than anything.

Her smile came back, if painfully, as she tried to be encouraging. She thought for a moment, wondering where her point had gone, if she'd had one. Then she took a deep breath. It certainly wasn't where she'd been going before, but there was a point now. She knew what she wanted to say.

"Then if...you know, there's_ not_ going to be a blow-up, maybe I should get right to the whole..." She sighed, "Look, I...I know I don't know everything—that even after everything I've been through I can still be kind of naïve at times. Stupid. But...I really do think we can be okay, and I don't think it's just wishful thinking."

Buffy swallowed hard, and she was suddenly much more aware of the tears in her eyes. "Angel taught me that. Giles...before what happened, with his soul....maybe h-he was a vampire, but he was one of the most human people I knew. And of the people I've known...you've always been one of the best, too. You're...you're _good_. It doesn't matter what you did when you were younger, or who you were friends with or what they're like now. _You_ turned out just fine, and that's what counts. You."

Her hand went to her neck, to the two small holes there. "This? This wasn't you. It was a demon. Just because you have to share a body with it now doesn't change who you are, okay? As long as you're still in there, it can't control anything. It can't hurt anyone. I know it makes things different, and...and you can't know how sorry I am that I couldn't stop this in the first place...but there are things this _doesn't _change. This doesn't change the fact that you're here, and that we all _want_ you here, and it doesn't change what we think of you, or how much we care about you. I know I'm not usually all philosophical or anything, but..."

She shrugged. "Anyway, I uh...I don't have a better way to end that. I just needed to get it out. Just don't ever expect me to go all speechy again. I've hit my speech quota for the...year, probably. Yeah, at least the year."

Giles chuckled once, automatically, sadly, and then he looked into space for the longest time, maybe thinking. She didn't know if he thought she was crazy or if maybe she'd made a little bit of sense. Finally he looked at her, and this time he did smile. "Perhaps you're right."

Well, they were words. Finally. And they were good words. She could live with that.

"Really? Good, cause otherwise I don't know where the hell that all came from."

He laughed a little more, and motioned for her to sit. He took the first aid kit she still had in her hands, and Buffy smiled to herself, hoping that really was something of a better mood she'd started in on giving him.

Giles cleaned the wound again, with more than water this time, and put a band-aid back over it large enough to cover both punctures, instead of more gauze.

When he was finished she stood and watched as he packed everything back into the plastic box. "Thanks..." He nodded silently, but not quite in the same forlorn way he'd looked earlier, and she took it as a victory and rocked back on her heels, clasping her hands behind her back.

"So. Did you get a hold of the Council?"

"Yes. I did, actually." She thought he actually rolled his eyes. "I can't remember ever being so bloody nervous. It was ridiculous, of course, but I felt absolutely convinced Quentin could see straight through the phone."

Buffy smirked. "See? You can still be stupid with the rest of us." He smiled some, and she took the first aid kit from him with the intention of bringing it back to the bathroom. "Who's Quentin?"

"Travers. An old, uhm...well, I'm certain the term 'friend' doesn't fit. He wasn't always, but these days he's rather in charge."

"Of the Watchers' Council?"

"Yes."

She frowned. "Well, what'd he say?"

Giles must have caught the look on her face, because he immediately reassured her. "Oh, it went just fine. The issue with the local police they can see to immediately; you may be free to show your face in Sunnydale again as early as this afternoon. The school, however, is more complicated, but they _are_ looking into it."

Buffy set the kit back on the desk and her hands went to her hips. "How is the school thing more complicated than getting the police to back down?"

"Well the latter is purely a legal matter, Buffy. Those they are quite adept at taking care of. While the problem of your explusion does have it's legal aspects, it is also very much dependant on individual persons. The school board and Principle Snyder himself, to be exact. That may take longer."

"But there are only, like, two weeks left of school."

He sighed. Or it sounded like a sigh, anyway, but she wasn't sure what was really going on there what with the lack of actual need for air, and why was she thinking about this now when it was only psyching her out more? Whatever. A sigh was a sigh.

"I know that, and so does the Council. They will do what they can, I promise you."

She shrugged. "Yeah...I guess." She made a face. "God, I can't believe I _want _to be able to go back to school. Anyway, thanks for making the call. Having the police threat thing off my back will be a big help in the stress relief department; that's for sure."

"Of course," Giles nodded. "You're welcome."

They both fell silent, and Buffy shifted uncomfortably on her feet. "Are you really that worried about what the Council would do if they found out?" she asked eventually, hesitantly. "I mean...what is it you're afraid they might do? Like, fire you?"

He winced, and he looked at her with a pained expression on his face. "At least."

Her eyes widened, but she didn't say anything else. She got the message. _Oh god..._

What had they done?

Still in a bit of shock, Buffy picked up the first aid kit and wandered back to the bathroom to put it up. When she made it back out to the living room Giles was on the downstairs phone, the one on his desk, and she remembered she'd heard it ring. He glanced up at her as she came in, but didn't break in his conversation.

"Yes, yes, she's fine, Joyce. I—"

Buffy stopped and made frantic 'no' motions, making it clear that she did _not_ want to be dragged into getting on that phone.

Giles narrowed his eyes at her, but he kept talking. "I've seen her. No, I wasn't aware she hadn't been home. Not until very recently, that is. Of course I've encouraged her to—or to at least contact you..." He sighed. "Yes, it does appear as if we should...talk, at some point. I'm very sorry about all of this; you must understand—" He was cut off, and he nodded absently at whatever Joyce Summers was saying. "Yes. Later." A pause. "Goodbye."

He hung up the phone, and Buffy slowly made her way back to the desk. "So...that was..."

"Your mother," Giles confirmed, looking at her pointedly. "She's quite worried about you. When you never came home...She's been looking for you since yesterday, at least."

"Oh..." She thought for a moment. "Did she sound mad?"

"A bit."

Buffy grimaced. "Great. I go out to save the world and _she_ tells _me_ not to come back and now _I'm_ gonna get the flak for it all."  
Giles looked at her in mild amusement. "Would you rather she never spoke to you again?"

She let out a heavy breath. "No...I wouldn't have wanted that."

"You should go home, Buffy," he prodded gently.

She looked at him for a long moment before she spoke again, relenting. "I know."

"You can tell her the news we have from the Council so far. It might help improve her mood."

"Giles, if she doesn't already know I'm expelled, I'm not telling her."

"She knows; Principle Snyder called her himself."

"Damnit."

Giles chuckled quietly, and she couldn't help but smile at hearing it from him. Buffy retreated to the bathroom again to gather her bag, and when she came out she went straight to her Watcher and hugged him. Strangely enough, it wasn't strange anymore. Already. She was too glad he was here to care if she would have once felt awkward.

"Thanks...for everything."

He returned the embrace lightly. He seemed to be growing slowly more comfortable with new clingy Buffy, but he wasn't quite there yet.

He'd have to adapt fast. Soon enough he'd have new clingy Willow to deal with, too, and probably no small amount of hovering from Xander. That future had been made pretty clear last night. There might even be the occassional additional...something from Oz or Cordelia. Maybe.

Okay, maybe not, but one was always free to have fantasies to laugh at.

Giles didn't say anything, and Buffy knew it was because he wasn't sure what he should say...still probably didn't know how he really felt about any of this. So she freed him of the need to figure it out. She let go and went for the door. "Anyway, I'll be back, if I can. Oh crap!" She stopped in her tracks just short of the front door and spun to look back at Giles.

"You don't have a way to get out of here until it gets dark again and...and, you know, you're gonna...need..." She trailed off and winced winced sympathetically. "If Mom holds me hostage and I can't get back out, I'll send Xander or somebody, okay? I doubt they're at school."

He only nodded in response, probably not wanting to think about it any more than she did. Buffy sighed and grabbed the doorknob, but made sure to wait until he was over by the stairs and out of the way of any possible incoming sunlight.

It hit her again, how everything was going to change.

She opened the door, and part of her wanted to get out of there right then but the rest of her made her pause, and glance back once more.

"Giles?" He looked up at her, expression unreadable, and she found herself biting the inside of her lip before she said anything else.

"We'll figure this out," she said finally. "We will. It'll be okay."

* * *

Giles watched Buffy go. Once she'd closed the door behind her he shuffled out from the corner by the stairs, feeling more than a little...well, ashamed about the whole thing. Avoiding sunlight. He knew none of this was any fault of his own, but he still felt it. It was still humiliating.

He wondered if Buffy was right...if she _could_ be right...if it was even possible. Could they make this okay? In any way at all? Could he live like this?

He had no choice but to try.

Rupert chose to change his train of thought then, and hope that Buffy and her mother could come to some sort of understanding and that the other members of the Scooby Gang were doing all right this morning.

He chose to believe that Buffy might be right, and leave it at that for now.

With that, Giles went back to the kitchen where the rest of the pot of tea was waiting.


	8. Chapter 8

Come on, ya'll. Please review. Thanks to the new people! :) Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter. Have a great weekend!

Chapter 8

Since Buffy doubted she'd have a chance to get on the phone for a while once she made it back to the house, she stopped in town to use a pay phone. She supposed she could have called from Giles's place, but then again, considering some of the subject matter...no, this was better.

Nothing she had said to Giles back there was untrue, but that didn't mean some of this—a lot of this—wasn't going to take some serious getting used to.

She called Xander's house, but no one answered the phone, and she called Willow in search of him. It turned out that Xander was the one to answer the phone there.

"Xander?"

"_Yeah, it's me. Where the hell are you_?"

"At the most out-of-the-way pay phone I could find in town. Why?"

"_Well...going to school just didn't feel right. We're all here except for you. We tried to call you too, but your mom said she hasn't seen you since Friday night. She sounded pretty worried, Buff. What's going on_?" His voice was equal parts annoyed and concerned, and Buffy let out a breath.

"About that...it's kind of why I called."

Once he'd assured her that the Rosenberg adults were at work, she had Xander put her on speaker phone, and she gave them the Reader's Digest version of what had happened with her mother and with Snyder.

"I would have told you and I would have done it in person, I swear, but right now I need to get home, and I don't know if I'll be able to get away later." There had been exclamation earlier, and now it seemed the four on the other end of the line were in a bit of shock.

"_It's okay, Buffy_," Willow said finally. "_We're just glad you told us_."

Not wanting to hide things from her friends anymore—doing it had only made the last two days or so even worse—she skimmed over last night, too, and that she'd slept on Giles's couch again. She also told them what he'd done by calling the Council, and that with any luck everything on the school and police front was going to be straightened out.

Though she didn't go into more detail. A lot had happened last night, and this morning. She and Giles had helped each other a lot, she thought, but that was private.

"_Good. That whole wanted-for-murder thing was turning into a real drag_," Xander commented, likely just looking for something to say at all. Cordelia and Oz were there, but he and Willow had been doing most of what of the talking had been coming from their end.

"Tell me about it." Buffy sighed.

She gave them her opinion of how Giles was doing, because she couldn't be sure, of course, but she was an encouraging as she could justify being. She left it up to them to decide if any of them would make it in for the second half of the school day, since she certainly couldn't, promised to call one of them again as soon as she could or had any news on the police or school situation for her, and then asked to speak to Xander privately before she hung up.

"You know what this is about, right?" she asked when it was just the two of them.

Xander answered quietly, and she could hear him moving off to the corner of Willow's room. "_Yeah...I kinda figured. It's gonna take a while to not feel completely wigged by the hey-Giles-is-a-vampire thing, isn't it_?"

"Probably," she admitted. "Anyway, can you handle this? I'd get it myself if I didn't have Mom duty."

"_Still getting over the wig part, but yeah. I got it_."

"Okay...I think he knows you're coming. I mean, we didn't really talk about it, but I mentioned you. That I'd call you if I couldn't get away from Mom long enough. I'm already getting the feeling that's gonna be true, so I figured I'd better go ahead and ask." She hesitated. "Xander?"

"_Yeah_?"

"Just..." She didn't know how to put it into words.

"_I know_," he answered quietly. "_I was the one who tried to be on _his_ side before we did this, __remember_?" The reminder was in no way accusatory. It was just truth.

"That's why I'm asking you to do this."

"_Right...and was that the kind of thing that suggests a thank you_?"

"Not really. It doesn't matter. I'm just saying Giles is...a little delicate right now—which is completely within his rights—but...you know, I trust you with him. I know that sounds really weird, but I think you know what I mean."

"_I guess so. And I guess _that _one deserves a thanks._"

Buffy smiled a little and leaned against the side of the phone booth. "Sure. Anyway, I should go. Giles _also_ gave me the warning on Mom, and I guess I shouldn't keep her waiting any longer."

"_Yeah, get going. Don't worry about Giles; he's got the rest of us, too, you know. Spend as much time with your mom as you need_."

"Unless, of course, she's in the ground-me-for-life mood. I have no idea what to expect when I get there."

* * *

When Xander carried the base of the corded phone back to Willow's desk and hung up, Willow and Oz and Cordelia were looking at him expectantly.

"That wasn't much," he shrugged. "It just looks like I've become the vampire version of a pizza delivery boy, but hey, always figured something in fast food was where I'd end up after high school anyway. Might as well start now."

They stared at him for a moment longer before they got it, and then every single one of them averted their eyes. Xander stood where he was, shoving his hands in his pockets.

Willow was the first to look up. "I'll...I'll come with you."

He shook his head. "You should stay in bed."

"But I've already been out, and I've been fine," she protested.

"I think he means he thinks this is something he should do on his own," Oz said then. Thank god for insightful quiet guys.

Willow looked back and forth between Xander and her boyfriend for a moment, and then she sat back against her pillows. "Oh."

Xander nodded in confirmation, and then shifted his gaze to Cordelia. "Cordy? I'm still gonna need a lift though..."

She sat up, still a little wide-eyed about the whole thing. "Right...sure." She was still in serious-Cordy mode half the time, which wasn't so bad, really, though a little jarring when she switched back and forth. But it made things easier, what with everything else they were dealing with at the moment, and he thought now that she probably knew that—that she cared, and that was why she was doing her best to keep the Cordelia-isms at a minimum for now.

He wasn't sure if he loved her yet, but the past three days had definitely endeared her to him more than ever. It was something kind of nice, at least, in the middle of the crazy and the bewildering and the horrible.

Xander found himself holding out a hand that she took as she stood and gathered her purse.

"We'll be back, I guess," he said.

"Tell Giles I love him," Willow said as Oz slipped an arm around her shoulders.

"Sure thing," Xander nodded.

He'd tell him they _all_ did. Because they did.

* * *

Maybe Buffy hadn't known quite what to expect when she got home, but she didn't think she'd ever suspected what _did_ happen. That being, her mother was out the door before she was halfway up the walk, and Buffy found herself nearly bowled over.

"Buffy, thank god!"

Suddenly she nearly couldn't breathe thanks to Joyce Summers's tight embrace. "Wow! Ow. Mom, what—?"

Her mother pulled back, but kept her hands firmly on her daughter's shoulders as she searched her face. "I didn't know what had happened to you! After what happened Friday, after...after what you told me, I didn't even know...if..."

Buffy winced. "If I was alive?"

Joyce's eyes lowered for a moment, in some type of confirmation, but after a moment she looked up again, and she was clearly upset. Her hands dropped to her sides. "You could have at least picked up a phone, Buffy!"

She blinked. "Mom...you told me not to come back," she answered painfully.

"I cared whether you lived or died! You're my daughter, Buffy! My only child! Maybe I didn't handle myself in the best way that night, but do you have any idea what kind of news that was? It was a little much to take in at once! I'm not perfect. I panicked. I don't want anything to happen to you."

Buffy glanced anxiously around them. "Can we take this inside?"

Joyce huffed once, but she led the way into the house. Buffy closed the door behind them and leaned back against it, swallowing as she let her bag drop from her shoulder and to the floor.

"Mom...I know you were worried," she said slowly. "But you have to understand that being the Slayer isn't just something I can stop. It doesn't work like that. I'm the _only_ Slayer." Or she was now, with Kendra gone. Maybe another would be called to take _her_ place, maybe there would always be two now, or for a while longer, anyway, but they couldn't count on that. "I'll be what I am as long as I'm alive. It's a responsibility. There isn't any choice here."

"But—"

"No 'buts.' That's it. I'm really sorry, but that's the way it is. I...I love you, Mom. _So_ much. But..." She thought, wondering what else to put out there, but there was really only one more thing to say, and then it would all be up to her mother. "I love you, and I always will, but you have to work with me here. You have to find a way to accept this, or live with it, or...something."

She swallowed, and she looked her mother in the eyes. "You have to be able to do that, or I can't stay here. I _want_ to, but my duty has to come first. I have to do what I'm meant to do." Her mother would never know how much it hurt to say that right now. She would never tell her everything about Angel...about what she'd done at the mansion Friday night. What she'd _had_ to do. What she'd _already_ had to give up for her duty.

Giles had suffered for it too, but she wasn't sure she would tell her mother that, either. She would have to know that part eventually, but Buffy was pretty sure it would be a little much right now.

Joyce looked at her for a long time. Finally she crossed her arms uncomfortably. "You're serious about this."

"I'm telling you the truth, yeah. If you want to know more, talk to Giles. I mean, not right now; he's kind of...he's not feeling well. Not that he was going to tell you that on the phone or anything, but he's uh...not doing so great at the moment. He'll be fine but he just, you know, needs some time. A lot happened Friday night."

"I suppose you...saved the world? Seeing as it's still here..."

"Yeah...I guess I did. Or _we_ did. Xander and Willow have known about me from the beginning, and Oz and Cordelia found out later. None of that was planned. It just sort of...happened. They all kind of help, in their own ways."

"With the slaying?" her mother asked in confusion.

"Well, with the legwork before the slaying, mostly. It's hard to explain. We're kind of a team."

Now Joyce looked hurt. "And all this time you didn't see fit to tell your own mother about any of this?"

Buffy winced. "Mom, it's not that I didn't want to. Believe me, a lot of things in my Slaying life would have been easier to accomplish if you'd known, but I just—I didn't want you to worry about me like I know you're going to now. I didn't want you to have to have that on you."

"What? You were trying to protect me?"

She shrugged. "Yeah. If you want to put it that way, yeah."

Her mother swallowed. "That's supposed to be _my_ job. I'm supposed to protect you. How can I do that when you're...out there..._slaying_ things?"

"You can't," Buffy answered quietly.

"How am I supposed to accept that?"

Buffy felt tears in her eyes. She hadn't meant to do that, but now that she was here, in her house, with her mother, she knew she didn't want to have to leave again. Not now, with everything else upside down. Angel gone. Giles changed forever.

She didn't want to leave. Not ever.

"I don't know, Mom," she whispered. "But...you have to. Please. I don't want to go." The tears fell, and she swiped at them almost angrily, for being there. Her shoulders shook. "I _need_ you, Mom."

From the corner of her bleary eyes she saw Joyce freeze. "Oh, Buffy..."

Then she was in her mother's arms, and suddenly she felt sure that as long as she had that, she would be all right.

* * *

Cordelia pulled up to the curb by Giles's building, and Xander glanced back at her before he climbed out. "Thanks. I'm uh...not sure how long I'll be."

She shrugged. "If I'm not going to school today, I don't have anything better to do. Well, okay, I could be shopping, but I'm not really in the mood."

"Normal person English, please?"

"Get going; I'll be right here."

"How come no one I know can just say what they mean?"

"You don't either."

Xander rolled his eyes. "Good point." He hesitated, but then leaned over to kiss her before he got out of the car and shut the passenger side door again. He approached Giles's door slowly, a brown paper bag in his hands. "Here goes nothing," he muttered, and knocked.

It took a few seconds, but the door opened. Though there was no one standing on the other side. He frowned. "Hello...?"

"Come in, Xander," said a patient voice from just out of sight.

Giles. Standing _not _in the doorway, since there was sunlight flooding through the open door from behind him. Duh.

_Idiot_, he scolded himself, stepping inside. "Right. Sorry. Yeah..." He turned as Giles closed the door, shutting out the sun. He was still wearing the same clothes Xander remembered bringing to him the night before. "Hi. Uh, Buffy said she uh...mentioned something..."

"She did."

"Yeah, so...guess I don't have to explain this." He shrugged, motioning a bit with the bag in his hands. Giles just winced, only glancing at it briefly.

"No."

They stood in awkward silence until Xander looked toward the kitchen and muttered, "I'll just...put this away for now..." He retreated to push the bag into the refrigerator, shutting away the plastic container of pig's blood that had come from the butcher's. Cordelia had remained in the car for that little stop, too.

Xander went back out to the living room, and Giles hadn't moved. He was staring uncomfortably through the open space over the counter between the living room and kitchen, at where Xander had just been—at the refrigerator.

Xander came up beside him and paused for a moment, before deciding to try funny first. "Yeah, tracking _that_ down was definitely new, but hey, anything for you, G-man," he said, smiling a little. Funny yet sincere.

When Giles didn't respond, he sighed and tried again. "Giles, look..."

"The sentiment was appreciated," Giles said quietly.

He blinked. "Oh...sure. Or, you're welcome. Or whatever." He took a deep breath, but he held it for a long time before he had the courage to speak up again. "But, really—listen, I...I'm sorry. I tried to be on your side there for a while, or...what I thought you'd probably want your side to be if you'd had a say, anyway." He shrugged helplessly. "You know what I mean. I tried...but I couldn't let you go either, Giles. Not you. I wanted to be _able_ to, but...I guess I'm just not that cool." He grimaced. "God, am I horrible at this crap."

He'd ended up staring at his shoes, and when he ventured to look up again Giles gave him a gentle smile. It seemed that what he'd said hadn't been complete nonsense and had actually reached him enough to break him from his staring contest with the refrigerator. "Xander, you are anything but horrible."

"Really? Cool. I think. Hey, if I'm not horrible, can I keep trying? I think I wanna say something else before I wig out and stop talking altogether like any normal self-respecting teenage guy would have done by now."

Giles actually chuckled. It wasn't the light, amusingly self-conscious sound Xander had heard in the past, but it didn't sound too completely out-to-lunch, either. Maybe Buffy really had done a decent job cheering him up some before she left, and it had only been what he'd shown up with a few minutes before that had thrown Giles off momentarily.

"Is that a 'go ahead' or something along those lines?"

"I suppose it is."

"Okay...here goes. I uh...I mean, you..." He had no idea how to start. He wasn't sure how much to say...how he _could_ say, before he clammed up, which was not territory he wanted to get into now. Giles didn't need that right now. He took a deep breath once more. "Giles, we all wanted you back, and we all had our reasons. Me, I mean...come on, you've heard the horror stories from home. And god knows Snyder and the teachers at Sunnydale aren't much help. You're kinda the only role-model I've got here."

Giles's eyebrows went up, and he looked at Xander curiously.

"I'm serious. Come on, you know me: I've got plenty of growing up left to do, and who's example am I supposed to follow if you're not around? It's always been Willow before, and she's still great and mature and everything, but she's kind of female and all."

Now Giles was blinking, not quite looking at him. "Xander..."

"Sorry. Just had to get that out before I chickened. Though I guess if Buffy was here since last night, you've probably already had some of that going down—the getting stuff out. Sorry if I just added to a bunch of other crap, but..."

"No, it's all right." He paused for a moment. "I do appreciate knowing—all of it."

Xander smiled uncertainly. "I guess all I'm saying with all that is that...yeah, I don't like how it had to happen any more than you do, but I'm glad you're still around, okay?"

Giles nodded thankfully, and Xander thought he saw him swallow. "I...thank you."

"Like I said...anything for you, G-man." Giles twitched a bit, maybe, though he didn't comment on the name this time, either. Xander hesitated, but then he hugged him briefly. In a manly way, of course, and Giles let him. It was pretty much a mutual thing, actually. Then he glanced back toward the kitchen again.

"As for that? Don't worry about it too much. Will it take getting used to? Hell yeah. But...you know, it's okay..."

But now Giles was back to contemplative, as he cast a long look at the refrigerator. "Is it?"

Xander didn't know what to say to that. Finally he swallowed himself, and winged it. If Buffy trusted him...well maybe that meant he wasn't going to screw it up completely.

"I don't know," he admitted. "But I guess that's what you've got us for—the whole figuring this out thing. We...we love you, Giles. You're not alone."

* * *

Xander mentioned that Cordelia was outside in her car, but said that he could ask her to come back later—said that he could stay for a while. Rupert thanked the boy for his thoughtfulness, but declined the offer. He was grateful for everything Xander had said to him, and he was glad he'd had the time to spend with Buffy earlier, too, but right now he wanted to be alone. He didn't want company again just yet, even if it was Xander with his comfortingly familiar babble.

What he really wanted was to be alive and human again, but that wasn't on the table, was it?

When Xander was gone Giles was rooted to his spot for several long minutes, not sure what to do next. He couldn't go anywhere; that was the whole reason Xander had been sent here in the first place. He told himself it was only morbid curiosity that made him go around into the kitchen, but he hated himself because he knew that wasn't true.

Or...he hated the demon. The one inside him now. He hated something. He hated that he wanted to open the refrigerator and that he wanted what was in there. He could feel the hunger—had felt it from the moment he'd woken and despised it from the moment he realized what had happened...and what it was.

He hated it.

He didn't want it.

It had only been sixteen hours since he'd woken, but it seemed like a lifetime. The hunger was staring to burn inside him, but even though Xander had brought what he knew he needed now, Giles couldn't even bring himself to take the refrigerator door's handle.

He just couldn't do it.

* * *

Buffy sat with her mother, both of them curled on the couch. She remembered her 17th birthday, and what a disaster that had been...but that being here on this couch with her mom the next night had seemed to make it all better, just for a moment. It felt like that now, and she never wanted it to go away.

Joyce sighed as Buffy said "I'm sorry" yet again.

"I think we should put a moratorium on apologies for a while, or neither of us is going to get another word in edgewise."

Buffy smirked. "You're probably right."

Her mother took one of her hands and squeezed. "You know this is still going to take a lot of getting used to for me, right?"

They'd spent the last couple of hours talking...not only about her Slaying, and how she'd been called, and what had really happened at Hemery High back in L.A., but about whatever came up. It had been a long time since they'd done that.

"I know," she sighed.

Joyce looked at her for a long moment, and she didn't let go of her daughter's hand. Instead, she held it with both of hers now. "But I don't want to lose you, Buffy. I love you. So I'm going to do my best...if you'll help me."

Buffy swallowed hard and smiled. She added her free hand to the other three between them and squeezed, too. "Of course."


	9. Chapter 9

I wrote an extra-long chapter, since I'm going to be gone all weekend and there probably won't be another chapter until this time next week. I hope to hear from a lot of you before then though, and thanks to all of you who are reviewing! Please do let me know what you think, so I know ya'll are still with me, lol. This story is way out there, after all, so...Anyway. Yeah. Well I hope you enjoy the chapter! Have a great weekend everybody!

Chapter 9

At some point during Buffy's conversation with her mother had come the mention of the call to the Watchers' Council, and the next morning they got word that the charges against Buffy had been dropped. She couldn't call her friends immediately because she'd called them the night before, to make sure they planned to go back to school today. Even Willow would be there now, with her wheelchair. They needed to do that—to keep life going, even if she couldn't quite do it all yet thanks to the still-standing expulsion.

So she called Giles to let him know, and to thank him again. He'd had a lot to deal with—he still did—and he'd still come through for her. But that was Giles. Sometimes Buffy wondered if she really deserved him.

"How are you doing?" she asked gently.

"_Buffy..._"

She let out a breath. "I know, I know—stupid question. Sorry; I can't help it." There was no need to ask if Xander had gotten there yesterday. He'd told her last night that he had. She was hoping for more details later. Now that she was no longer a wanted fugitive, she could always meet her friends in town after school.

He didn't comment. "_So you're at home, then. It went well with your mother_?"

"Yeah. Pretty good, actually. I think we're gonna be okay," she told him, smiling to herself.

"_That's wonderful to hear_." The relief there was genuine. He was glad for her, but he didn't seem to have anything else to say. A disturbing new trend, for Giles. But then again Buffy couldn't think of anything to say, either. It was even more unusual for her.

"I know. I don't know what I would have done if...yeah." She paused. "Thank you."

"_For what_?"

"You made me get my butt over here, for one thing. But you did it when I was ready. You could have made me leave Sunday night." She shrugged on impulse; it didn't matter that he couldn't see her. "Anyway, just thanks—and for the stuff with the Council, too."

"_You've already said that_."

"I know, but wait until _you're_ wanted by the police and then see how long it takes _you_ to stop thanking whoever made it go away."

"_All I did was make a phone call_," he said quietly. "_To be quite honest, I'm not certain how useful I can be anymore_."

"Are you kidding?" she said incredulously. "Okay, maybe we won't have you around at school all day, but if anything you can do _more_ now. You'll have to come on patrol with me sometime."

He seemed surprised by the suggestion, which baffled her a bit, but she had to remember that he had a lot on his mind. "_I don't know..._"

"Well we'll see," she said non-commitally. She didn't want to push him. "Anyway, I gotta get off this phone before Mom has a coronary. She went into overload good-mom mode and made this huge breakfast and she's waiting for me."

A beat. "_Oh, of course_."

"I can call later. Or I can come over. I could bring the others, too. Whatever you want."

It was longer this time, before he answered. "_I thank you for the concern, Buffy, but I think I'd like to be alone a while longer_."

Buffy chewed her lip as she leaned against the wall. "Oh...okay. You uh...want me to let everybody else know?"

"_Please_."

"Okay..." They said goodbye, and she hung up. It wasn't until then that she realized it probably hadn't been the most sensitive idea to mention _why_ her mother was waiting for her.

But then again, if they kept walking on eggshells around Giles for long, they'd never stop. Nothing would ever be anything resembling normal again, and she didn't want that to happen. It probably wouldn't be healthy. Still, she felt bad about it. She tried to straighten her face before she made it back to the kitchen, but she must not have succeeded. Her mother asked her what was wrong anyway.

"Nothing," Buffy lied. "I'm fine."

No, it was definitely not time to bring it up yet.

* * *

The Scoobies minus their Watcher and Slayer left Sunnydale High together that afternoon, and as they made their way out to the parking lot Willow was free to look around, seeing as she didn't have to worry about watching where she walking what with being in a wheelchair. Oz was behind her, pushing, and Xander and Cordelia walked hand-in-hand beside them. It had been strange, going back to school after everything that had happened over the weekend, and skipping yesterday.

The wheelchair hadn't made the strangeness any better, either, but the doctor had told her she wouldn't be confined to it for long. She was sure she could walk on her own _now_, but of course Oz and Xander, especially, insisted she follow the doctor's orders.

Willow's eyes roamed the sizable schoolyard, almost expecting Buffy and Giles would materialize as if it were the end of any other school day, and that everything from the past several days would just go away. She knew she certainly wished it were so.

She sighed, and her gaze rested on a figure across the street from the school. She wouldn't have paid much attention, but the the girl waved.

Willow sat up straighter. "Guys, look!"

The chatting going on above her stopped, they all looked where she was looking now.

"Hey, it's the Buffster," Xander commented, surprised, as she glanced back at of them.

"Should she be out here?" Cordelia asked.

"Might as well go find out," Oz shrugged.

Xander was studying the figure under the trees across the road. "Yeah, that seems to be the general idea of the waving and beckoning. That _is_ beckoning, am I right? That's beckoning."

Oz nodded once. "That's definitely beckoning."

They crossed the street, careful of the buses and students and vehicles, and Buffy had crossed her arms in annoyance by the time they made it to her. "It took you guys long enough to decide to come over here."

"Well what's up?" Xander asked.

"Did they drop the charges?" Willow added.

"This morning," Buffy nodded. "I am a free woman. Though not free, apparently, to be on school property."

"An unfortunate side-effect of suspension and/or expulsion," Oz said.

"Been there, done that. The first one, anyway," Xander agreed. Buffy squinted at him, and Cordelia looked at him expectantly. He directed his explanation at Buffy. "Hey, it was before you moved here. And I wasn't a bad kid; I just didn't feel like doing homework."

She just shook her head at him, and Willow smiled some to herself. She, at least, had already known. Best friends since kindergarten, after all.

"Yes, I read him the riot act for it. Anyway, hey," Willow piped up. "Since we're all here, maybe we should go check on Giles."

Buffy winced. "Actually, we shouldn't."

"Why not?" she asked. The others echoed her.

"I called him earlier to thank him again for getting the Watchers' Council in on this for me, and he kind of...asked us not to. For a little while, anyway."

"Oh..."

"Exactly my reaction."

Willow sat back and swallowed. "Well...do you think he's okay?"

From beside her, Xander shrugged. "He's probably as good as we could expect right now, but we don't exactly have much of a reference point. I don't know; he seemed okay when I left yesterday." They all looked at him. "Ish."

Buffy sighed. "I don't know, either, but I don't think we have to worry about him doing anything stupid, at least." Willow didn't want to know exactly what she meant by that. "So I guess if he wants to be alone for a while, we should let him be. If it makes you guys feel any better, I'll check on him when I patrol tonight."

"Yeah," Willow murmured. She was still disappointed, and Buffy must have seen that. She moved to the side of the wheelchair and squeezed her best friend's shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Will. You wanted to see him, didn't you?"

She nodded forlornly. "Both you _and _Xander have seen him since we left Sunday night. I haven't. I want to know he's okay."

Buffy leaned down to hug her. "I know. But hey, I don't have to hide anymore. I bet I know what'll help."

She didn't quite brighten, but her eyebrows went up. "More sugar than the human body can handle?" she asked hopefully.

"Of course."

Willow thought about it for a moment, and finally huffed once. "Fine. I'm in."

Buffy smiled and straightened, and spoke up loud enough for everyone else. "Hey, guys. Expresso Pump. Overpriced fancy coffee drinks. Who else is feeling the siren song here?"

They all looked at each other awkwardly for a moment, until finally Cordelia threw a hand up. "I'm gonna say hell yes, thank you very much. I hate depression as much as the next girl."

"Sugar _is _a common temporary cure," Oz agreed. "Especially when coffee-flavored."

"So, Buff," Xander began as they started toward the vehicles. "You're going on patrol tonight?"

"Yeah. It makes sense to get back into as much routine as I can. Strangely enough I'm actually hoping the whole school thing gets worked out soon, too. So anyway that, and, you know, the things to slay don't stop stalking Sunnydale just because it'd be more convenient at the moment if they did."

"Ah. Yes. Because we wouldn't exactly be noble for fighting the good fight if we only had to do it when we felt like it, and all that good stuff."

"Something like that."

* * *

Giles had no choice but to resign from his job at the high school, and he couldn't even do _that_ properly. He couldn't give a notice, because he wouldn't be returning at all. Not during the day. Bloody southern California and it's love of the sun. Why did the library have to have a skylight?

He felt sick as he hung up the phone, but half of that feeling, he knew, had already been there, and for a completely different reason. He knew why he didn't feel entirely well, but he had no desire to do anything about it. He wondered how long he could ignore it.

He wondered what he was doing.

Part of him wanted to call Quentin back now, tell the Council what had happened, and let whatever they might do get itself over with. It would certainly be better than this—sitting here, not knowing where what wasn't exactly his _life _was supposed to go from here. It was only thoughts of Buffy and the others and what they had said to him that kept him from picking up the phone again, and remembering that he'd promised himself he wouldn't make what they had done have been all for nothing. He wouldn't do that to them.

But what _was_ he supposed to do now? No matter how well he tried, Giles knew he wouldn't be able to hide the truth from the Council forever. Acting as Buffy's Watcher would be more difficult now. He no longer had another job.

He didn't want to think about it anymore. Any of it.

So he didn't. Not right now.

* * *

They managed to lift weight of the the last few days a bit of the way from their shoulders, for a little while, in the next hour or so at the Expresso Pump, and Buffy felt better after spending time with her friends. The day with her mother yesterday hadn't been bad, either. By the time the day drew to a close they'd pulled out popcorn and movies, and she'd never made it upstairs to sleep. She drifted off there on the couch, and she'd found a pillow under her head a blanket over her this morning. That was fine; now that she was back home, she could always look forward to sleeping in her own bed tonight.

When the group broke up for the afternoon Oz took home Willow—who seemed to have cheered up some too, thank goodness—but instead of getting a ride home from Cordelia, Xander kissed her goodbye and followed Buffy from the coffee shop.

She eyed him walking beside her once he'd caught up. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing. I was just...wondering if I could, you know, come with you tonight..."

"On patrol?"

"Yeah. Sure," he shrugged.

"Xander, you have never once asked to go on patrol with me."

He was quiet for a moment. "I just feel like I need to be doing something."

"You could study for your finals," she put out there.

"I can do that any time, and you know it won't help much, anyway."

"Xander..." She trailed off, looking at him for a long moment. Something in his face wouldn't let her give him an outright no. Finally she sighed. "Maybe."

In the end, she let him come, and she told herself it was only because of everything that had happened; because she owed him, maybe. But she knew part of it was because she didn't want to be alone. Losing Angel, losing Giles...even for two days, even though that one hadn't been permanent, there was part of her that was scared of anything happening to anyone else she cared about. And she was worried about Giles. She didn't want to be alone with those thoughts just now, either. She knew Xander was probably thinking some of the same thing.

So she let him come, and promised to give him a stake just in case, as long as he promised to primarily stay safe and out of the way when there was real Slaying to be done.

"I thought I told you I want to be _doing_ something."

"You'll be keeping me company; that's something, and when vamps show up, you run. That's something else."

"You are a strange, strange girl..."

"Be glad I let you come at all. And we're stopping at 11:30 sharp. I have to be home by midnight, at least for a little while. It's not such a huge stretch from the usual for me, and I'm trying to make Mom feel better about the whole Slayer thing until she gets more used to it. It's a compromise we made for now."

He didn't protest any further, and that was how she knew his reasons were the same as hers. It was comforting, to know she wasn't alone in her thoughts and her worries, even if she wished she could do something to take the worries and the fears away from her friends. All she could do to that effect was to go by Giles's place before heading home, and look in from far enough away that he wouldn't notice—just to make sure he was all right, so she could report to the others.

Beyond that, she could only Slay, so Slay she did.

Nothing went completely back to normal, but she and the rest of the Scooby Gang did fall into a routine, by the end of the week. Buffy met them after school, and they went to the Expresso Pump. When that dispersed, if Xander didn't follow Buffy then he met her later, for patrol. Thursday night he staked a vampire by himself, though it was somewhat by accident. She didn't go to the Bronze, and she didn't think any of the others did, either. Even Cordelia. Trying to find normal didn't quite include partying just yet. Friday Oz and Willow left the coffee shop early, to get her back to the doctor. Saturday morning when they met she was without the wheelchair, and walking just fine.

Xander was the first to jump up and hug her. "Hey! So your head's all better?"

"Better enough that I don't need to worry about it anymore, anyway," she told them. "That's what the doctor said."

Buffy was next. "No more wheelchair?"

"No more wheelchair."

As Buffy let go go of Willow, Xander held up his wrist that was still in a cast. "That is so not fair. I've got to live with this thing for another four weeks."

"That's what you get for letting a vampire grab your arm," Cordelia shrugged.

"Thank you, oh wise one, for that advice that I did not need."

"Any time."

Buffy and Xander sat down again, and Willow and Oz took two of the empty seats.

"We're gonna have to stop doing this every day. I'm running out of extra cash," Xander complained.

Willow ignored him and sat forward, looking at Buffy anxiously. "Any more word on when you might get back in school?"

She shook her head. "None. I haven't heard anything from Giles, either. I went by again last night though, and he seemed okay. He was reading."

"Oh...well...I guess he'll let us know when he's ready to...talk to us at all...I guess," Willow scowled.

Buffy chewed the inside of her lip for a moment, thinking. "No. You know what?" They all looked at her. "Look, we all care, and we've _given_ him time to have his space, and I don't think we should leave him alone anymore. He has us for a reason. I know he needed some time, but I think we should_ really _check on him."

"You mean the kind of checking on him where he actually knows we're there?" Xander asked.

She gave him a mild glare. "_Yes_, Xander." Buffy let her gaze sweep over all of them. "We told him we'd be here for him; we should do it, whether he wants us to or not." She shrugged and stared into her coffee for a moment. "I know if it were me I wouldn't be able to handle this by myself. Maybe he thinks _he_ can, but..."

They'd respected his wishes. Now he needed to know they weren't going anywhere.

When she looked up again, the others seemed to be agreeing with her. Willow was already standing. "I don't need coffee. Let's go."

Xander stood with her. "Agreed. You sure you don't want that coffee though, Will? It's kind of your staple."

"Very true," Oz agreed.

"Nah. It'll only make me jittery. Jittery's probably not good for presenting the appearance of the stable, helpful friend."

"Also very true," her boyfriend nodded. With a hand at her back he led her back to his van, and Buffy got up to follow as Xander and Cordelia headed for her car.

They'd found _okay_, but _fine_ was out there somewhere. It was time to start looking for it.

One thing Buffy had learned being the Slayer was that_ fine _didn't always come to you, and _good _you often had to search for. Especially without friends. That was why she had them. It was why Giles needed them.

* * *

It had been cloudy all morning, for once. When the knock came, Giles was glad to be able to open the door without any fancy maneuvering.

"Hey. Has it been a while longer yet?"

All five of them were there. Buffy still had a band-aid on her neck, and Xander's wrist was still in a cast, but Willow was standing under her own power. They were all looking at him expectantly, hopefully. It seemed the time for pretending nothing had happened was over.

His mouth opened, but he had nothing to say. Finally he simply stepped back and let them in.

Willow was inside first, bursting around Buffy to get to him and latch on. As strange as it would have been in the past, such things were beginning to not bother him now. Giles returned the embrace willingly, but found he could only do it for a moment before he had no choice but to let go and step away in the least offensive way possible.

It had nothing to do whether or not he'd been comfortable with the action. It was...well he didn't want to think about what it was. His eyes strayed to the band-aid on Buffy's neck, and he had to force himself not to grimace openly. Knowing why it was there still left him feeling sick.

"You're looking much better, Willow," he said finally.

If she'd noticed anything, she didn't let it show. "Yep. I'm back to my normal walking self. I gotta tell you, I don't know how you do it—your penchant for head injuries and all. It's not fun."

"Not particularly, no," he agreed, smiling a little, because it was Willow and he couldn't help it.

Oz shut the door again, and when Giles took in the five teenagers standing in his living room, Buffy's arms were already crossed.

"You haven't left this house once, have you?"

"I—well...no," he admitted. He looked at her pointedly. "I imagine you've kept an eye on me."

"Only every night," Xander shrugged.

Buffy glared at him briefly, but then looked back to Giles. "I only wanted to make sure you were okay. The others wanted to know, too."

"I suppose I should appreciate the feelings meant there."

Now Buffy was glaring at _him_, and he couldn't understand why until she spoke. "When are you going to stop _saying_ stuff like that and really tell us how you're doing? We can't help you out here if you don't let us."

"Incredibly cliché, but true, G-man," Xander added.

"I thought I asked you never to call me that."

"Hey look! Giles is still in there after all!"

Buffy sighed. "I'm sorry, it's just...it's been days. You haven't called; you haven't _anything_. It's only been a week and we're getting stuck in a rut. We can't just keep this up. I don't even know what it is we're doing. It's like we've been in some kind of holding pattern since Tuesday."

"I mean you asked for some time, right? And we were glad to let you have it, because we care and all, you know, but...you can't just stay cooped up. It's not right," Willow told him. "We're concerned. We want you to be okay."

"I understand that, and I thank you—all of you; but I'm not sure how much you can help."

Buffy looked at him steadily. "We can be here."

"We said we were going to, and that wasn't just talk," Xander said. "Granted, I specifically am usually all talk, but not this time."

Rupert smiled gently at that. They were all good kids, despite their idiosyncrasies—perhaps _because _of them—and knowing all of them cared was one of the few things that had kept him sane the past few days.

When none of them said anything for a moment or two Willow eventually spoke up again.

"I uh...I think that's all we've at the moment, but if you want us to come up with more pep talk material we can always go away and come back with that later."

Now that they were here, he didn't want them to leave again, but it would probably be better if they did. It was suddenly becoming clear to him that having all five of them here in the relatively small closed space of his apartment wasn't working—in a way that was not helping his self-image at all. Perhaps his approach to dealing with all of this over the past few days hadn't been the smartest, but he'd panicked. It happened to everyone, didn't it?

Giles swallowed. "That might be a good idea."

Willow blinked. "The better pep talk material?"

"The coming back later—but the rest too, if you wish. I'm sorry....I'm glad to see you all, I am, but I think you should go for now."

At first they all stared at him if he'd grown another head.

"Please," he said. He didn't think any of the slight desperation had slipped into his voice, but then Buffy was looking at him strangely.

"Go on, guys," she said after a moment. They all looked at her then, but she glanced back at them and waved them toward the door. "Did you hear me? Go."

"What about you?" Cordelia questioned.

"I can get home on my own. I've got a couple of errands to run for Mom anyway."

Giles realized she was going to stay before the others even started for the door, but there was nothing he could do about it until the rest of them were gone.

"I'll call," he told them as they left.

Willow turned and flashed an uncertain smile. "Good."

Then they were gone, and he was left with Buffy.

* * *

Buffy waited until her friends were out of sight before she closed the door, and then she faced Giles again. He was already turning away from her.

"Buffy, you should go with them." It was obvious he meant to be firm, but it didn't quite come out that way.

"I wasn't lying about needing to run an errand for Mom. We're out of laundry detergent. Slaying's always hard on the clothes, and all that."

"Buffy—"

She interrupted him. "Do you need more? Is that it?"

"No," he said quickly, looking away again. He trudged to the back of the couch and stopped there, still not looking at her.

"You don't have to get weird about it; I can get it for you. It's okay."

"_No_." His shoulders hunched, and both hands rested on the back of the couch and he leaned on it heavily for a moment. Buffy watched him, brow furrowed.

Maybe Willow had been too happy to see him to notice what Giles had looked like when he pulled away from her, but Buffy had noticed all right. She was pretty sure she knew why he'd asked them to leave, but it didn't make any sense to her.

Angel had always been fine, keeping himself fed on the pig's blood he got from the butchers' places, and he'd never had a problem around any of them. It was true that he'd been around for a lot longer than Giles had been this way, but she didn't think the fact that this was new for him had anything to do with it. She wasn't sure how she knew that, but something told her something was wrong.

Buffy spun on her heel and marched straight around into the kitchen. She heard Giles call her name in protest, but she didn't halt. She pulled open the refrigerator door and stared down at the brown paper bag that sat inside. She pulled one crackling side of the bag down to be sure it was what she thought it was. The single container of blood was the only such thing in the refrigerator, and she had a sudden clenching feeling in her stomach as she pulled it out.

Xander had only come here once, Giles had admitted to not leaving the apartment at all, and this container was full.

"Giles, what..." But she didn't have to ask. She turned, and she could see him through the space over the counter, and all she had to do was look at him and she knew. The sudden anger surprised her. "Not only have you kept yourself locked up in here, but you've been starving yourself?"

"It's-It's not like that—"

"Yes it is! Maybe neither of us likes it, Giles, but you need this now."

"It's not as if they need it to _survive_..." he muttered.

"No, but they need it to stay healthy. Vampires _do_ have a health margin. You _know_ that, and as far as _I've_ heard, if they don't feed for long enough, they lose it. As it go completely cuckoo for Coco Puffs. As in you can't let that happen to you. As in _I_ won't _let_ that happen to you; do you hear me?"

"Buffy—"

"Stop doing that! Putting on your Watcher voice and trying to shame me into shutting up isn't going to work right now. You should remember it's never worked very well in the past, either." Angrily she put the plastic container on the counter and pushed it toward him. "I'm not leaving until that's gone."

He stared at it as if it might bite him. "All of it?" he protested.

"You haven't had _anything_; you probably _need_ all of it."

Giles had already been shaking his head, but now he looked at her sharply. "I've had more than enough already!"

Both of them fell silent at that, and Buffy swallowed as she looked at him. "Is that it?" she finally asked quietly. "Is that what this is? I thought we went over this. Are you trying punish yourself for something you didn't even do?"

"No, I...I just—" He stopped, at a loss, and she came back around into the living room.

"Then what is it?" He was blinking quickly, moisture in his eyes, and he backed away when she tried to come closer. "What is it?" she repeated.

"Buffy, I tasted your _blood_!" he snapped suddenly. "It doesn't matter if I wasn't there then. I remember it now."

"And we waited to freak out about this _why_?" she asked gently.

Giles turned away again, gripping the stair rail now. "I wasn't so hungry then," he said finally, miserably.

Buffy went back to the counter, and picked up the container. "That's why you need this."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

For the longest time he didn't answer. "I'm...afraid."

It was very quiet, and she almost didn't hear him. "Afraid of what?" She watched his back, waiting. She could have asked more questions, given suggestions, but instead she waited for him. It took even longer this time, but finally he turned back around. He didn't quite look at her, but he faced her again.

"I'm afraid that if...if I do, I'll...want more—than that."

"And we're talking quality here, not quantity."

He nodded, shoulders slumped and hands in his pockets now. She could read the shame all over his body language, and she couldn't quite believe this was the man that been her Watcher for more than the past year and half—the man that had taught her so much and saved her life more than once. Suddenly she realized that no matter what he might know to be true...that he was still himself...it might be much harder for him to actually believe it right now, no matter what he said.

Knowing something and accepting it were two very different things. She had learned that much.

"Maybe that's true." She went closer, and this time he didn't move away, but she could tell he wanted to. "But even if it is, I know you'll be fine. You won't hurt anyone. You'll get through it, and you'll be okay."

He looked at her now, still blinking back back tears. "You can't know that."

"Yes I can," she told him firmly. "You're you; _that's_ how I know that."

"You don't understand—"

"Understand? Don't tell me I don't understand!" she said, the anger flaring again. She found herself setting the container down on the desk beside her so her arms were free to gesture with. "I know you're afraid. I would be to, but since when does being afraid mean we back down! I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear that you don't know if you're strong enough. I know you are." Her throat clogged, but she pushed past it. "Giles, you're just as good a man as Angel ever was, and I know you'll be okay."

She swallowed hard as Giles stared at her. "Angel is...he's gone. I killed him, and he's gone. The portal was already open and I had to kill him to close it e-even though he—" She sobbed once. "The spell had already worked, Giles. He was himself again, just for a minute or two. I had to do it anyway. If I could do that I don't want to hear about how you don't think you can do this."

His eyes were wide. "Buffy, I—I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

"How did you thing we knew the spell would work for you?" she asked, quickly drying her eyes.

"I just assumed it was the first time Willow had been able to get all the way through it, I suppose. I'm sorry..."

Buffy picked up the container of blood and brought it to him. "Don't apologize. Just take care of yourself," she told him quietly.

Giles looked at it for a long moment, and finally he took it.

"I'm still not leaving until that's gone," she reminded him firmly.

"But—" He stopped at the look on her face, and looked down at the small container in his hands. He did that sighing thing, and pried the top off. Buffy backed off a little, but didn't go any farther.

He turned away again, but he drank it—slowly, at first, but that didn't last long. She was pretty sure his face had shifted whether he wanted it to or not, which wasn't surprising as badly as he'd needed the blood. She couldn't tell for certain though, because he faced the stairs, and one hand held the railing again. It didn't take long before the container was empty and he set it one one of the steps.

Giles still wouldn't look at her.

"Please go," he said after a moment.

"No."

"But you said—"

"Look at me."

He tensed. "No."

Buffy picked up the container, and left Giles where he was to go into the kitchen, wash it out and throw it away. When she came back she repeated her request. "Giles, look at me," she said more gently. He didn't answer. "It's okay."

"No it's not," he whispered.

She'd had enough. Buffy grabbed his arm and yanked him around. "_Look at me_."

He yelped, and he tried to turn away again, but she held him fast. Either he didn't want to use what strength he undoubtedly had now, or he hadn't had enough to gain enough of it back yet, because she easily held him where he was. Because he couldn't hide, he stared at the ground.

Seeing it this time wasn't like the last time at all. That hadn't been Giles. _That_ had scared her, she had to admit. This didn't. It didn't frighten her, and it didn't disgust her—none of things he was probably afraid of. It was strange, but only because she wasn't used to it. She'd never thought it would be something she would ever have to see at all. She'd never meant for this to happen.

But now it was, and it had happened. It was the way things were, and it just was.

"It's okay," she repeated. "Look at me."

Finally he obeyed, slowly, and she smiled gently up at him. "See? I told you it's okay. No catastrophe. It's just a face."

Giles sobbed, and Buffy pushed up on her toes to kiss his cheek and hug him tightly. "It's gonna be okay," she told him.

It took a few seconds, but he returned the embrace as he started to cry.


	10. Chapter 10

Yep, I was right. It took about a week. Sorry, guys. I really was gone all weekend with no computer, and the beginning of the school week has been busy, but I got this out as soon as I could. It's a little long too, for you guys, in words anyway. I hope you'll enjoy reading it, and let me know what you think so I know ya'll are still here and not too annoyed after a week, lol. Only seven more weeks of school! For me, anyway, being a senior. Then more time. Or maybe the same amount of time, if I get a job. Hoping. Sigh. Then yay, college here I come. I wish I knew where I was going. I really hate federal hoops.

Anyway, enough rambling from me. Enjoy! Can't wait to hear from ya'll! Thanks so much for everything ya'll!

Chapter 10

He hadn't meant to cry. He really hadn't. He'd done it once since waking, just after realizing what had happened to him, and as far as he was concerned that was more than enough. But Buffy didn't seem to mind. She held onto him until his sobs faded again and he pulled back, embarrassed. He knew his face was normal again now, but...it did help to know that she wouldn't have cared if it wasn't.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, taking an awkward step or two back.

Buffy just looked at him for a moment. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know," he admitted quietly. He'd drawn his arms in involuntarily, hugging them to himself uncertainly.

"You want me to get out of your hair for now? You were pretty insistent on the me leaving a few minutes ago."

His thoughts were still jumbled, but one jumped to the forefront. Rupert didn't know what the future held now, but he knew he'd been ignoring the fact that it was going to be different now.

"Well, I...don't suppose I have any reason insist anymore."

Buffy smiled gently. "But you'd rather be alone for now, right?" He didn't know how to answer that, and after a moment she came to a decision of her own. "How about I just come back in the morning?"

It took a moment, but Giles nodded. "That would be fine; the others, too, if they'll still come."

"I'm sure they will," she assured him kindly, and then turned for the door. He called to her before she could open it.

"Buffy?" She turned wordlessly. "Thank you," he told her. "For what you've tried to do since—I know you've only wanted to be helpful. Thank you for that. It really does mean quite a lot, from all of you."

He thought she swallowed, but he wasn't sure. "What else would we do?" she shrugged. "Anyway...try to get some sleep tonight, okay?"

Giles only gave her a small smile in answer, because he didn't want to lie.

* * *

Buffy wasn't sure whether she felt better or worse about Giles as she left, but she didn't have much time to think about it. The others were waiting down by the street next to the vehicles, in clear defiance of her instruction that they go ahead and leave.

Then again, being the Slayer didn't necessarily make her their boss. Not outside of battle.

"What are you guys still doing here?" she questioned, hands on hips.

"Is he okay? What happened?" Willow asked.

"Yeah, you were up there long enough," Cordelia added.

Buffy let out a breath and leaned against the side of Oz's van, unsure of how much she should say. "He's okay," she told them slowly. "He's still kind of...having issues with the blood thing, but he'll be okay."

Xander frowned curiously. "Issues? Define issues."

She looked at them for a moment. She didn't want to say anymore, but she realized it wouldn't do to leave them thinking that Giles asking them to leave had anything to do with them themselves. "He wasn't drinking anything. He didn't want to."

"Didn't want to intellectually, anyway," Oz said, to clear things up.

"Yeah. He still had what you brought him Tuesday, Xander."

"_Had_ as in he doesn't anymore?"

"Right." She crossed her arms now. "I felt a little like a mom with a kid who wouldn't eat his green vegetables, but it's gone now. I think he's gonna be okay."

Xander winced a little. "Well that explains the little scene in there, anyway."

Willow swallowed. "God...no wonder he didn't want us all there at once. He...he must have been miserable. As much as I hate to think about why..."

"I know, Will. But we're going to get through this together, remember?" She pushed off from the van and straightened. "He said we could come back in the morning, and I think that's a good idea. He'll be feeling better, and there's probably some talking we should all do."

"Despite being a guy, I'm gonna second that," Xander agreed.

"Yeah. There's still a lot to figure out, I guess," Willow said.

They parted with an agreement to meet there in the morning, and Buffy trekked back to the main part of town to pick up that laundry detergent before she headed home.

She tossed and turned all night. She didn't know how much sleep she actually got before she climbed out of bed and dressed, sure she wasn't going to be getting any more. She left a note to tell her mother she'd headed out to meet her friends, and went. She knew she was early, seeing as it was barely dawn, but figured Giles probably hadn't taken her advice anyway. Even if he had, she had a feeling he'd be up by now.

The feeling quickly soured to something else—a decidedly bad feeling that solidified itself even before she got there.

Buffy froze, staring at the envelope with her name on it that was taped to the detailed wood door. Her chest clenched and her breath caught, and her stomach rolled over, all at once. _No..._

Then she realized she hadn't seen Giles's car out where it should have been. _Even if he—he would have found cover by morning, right? He wouldn't..._

After only a moment more of hesitation, she snatched the envelope down. Before she opened it, she tried the door, but of course it was locked. She swallowed and stepped back to tear open the envelope. Two handwritten pages fell into her hands, covered on both sides in Giles's familiar penmanship. She thought something else slipped out as well, and she heard a distant pinging as it hit the ground, telling her it was real, but she hardly glanced at the small metal key on the concrete before she focused on the papers in her hands.

Buffy began to read, and what she read curbed the panic, but it made her feel no better in the long run. As she read she backed up slowly, into the cold wall by the door, and had to stay there for a while to keep from losing her footing.

She sobbed once, then again, but that was all. She felt the tears on her cheeks and she wiped them away. She stood there for another moment, staring blindly at the pages in her hands, until finally she bent to find the key that had fallen from the envelope. Buffy picked it up, unlocked the apartment door and went inside to wait for the others. There was no need to call them; they were coming anyway.

* * *

Giles had spent most of the rest of the previous day sitting at his desk, staring at the blank paper in front of him. When he wasn't there he was up, making tea or straightening the flat or packing a few things—just a few. He still didn't know how long he would be gone, but he hadn't felt any desire to bring much. He had to get used to the fact that his life was different now anyway, didn't he?

When he finally put pen to paper, it all came out at once, in a strange rush of feelings that he knew he never would have been able to express in person. Not long after, the sun was down, and he'd stepped outside his apartment for the first time since he'd woken there as he was now.

It hadn't been so evident inside, but he'd noticed then that he could hear more in the night than he'd ever imagined was there, and he could see just fine despite the dark. It unnerved him all over again, and before he was certain he'd made the right choice Rupert had thrown what little he'd packed into the back seat of his car and left after folding the letter in an envelope and taping it to the door.

He hoped Buffy and Willow and Xander and the others wouldn't hate him, but then how could they not when he hated himself? He knew if he stayed that things would likely just drag on much as they'd been the past week, and that that wouldn't help any of them, but he couldn't fight the feeling of failure.

Giles had driven almost without knowing where he was or where he was going, and gone on for hours until Sunnydale was long behind him.

Then he turned around.

He didn't know why he'd done it. By just before morning he'd made it back as far as the outskirts of L.A. and it took him that long to figure out that he couldn't go any farther because he couldn't bear the thought of being too far from the children, even if he couldn't be with them now.

He almost didn't remember that he had to be inside by morning, and had no time to find anywhere better to stop than the first motel he sighted. The room he was given was on the second level, and he stood out on the balcony as long as he could while the sky lightened from black to gray. L.A. was on the horizon, and he knew Sunnydale was a couple of hours of road beyond it. Giles knew, too, that he wouldn't go back any farther than the city—not until he could consider himself much more emotionally stable than he was at the moment.

Not until he had some idea of where his life was headed now.

The sun was just below the horizon, and Rupert stayed where he was until the intensity of the indirect light from the pending sunrise began to sting. It was new sensation, not quite pain, and he didn't surrender immediately. The the sun began to come, and the line of light swept slowly across the parking lot.

He had to admit to himself that he thought, briefly, about not moving.

But he remembered his Slayer and her friends—_his _friends—and he stepped back out of the way. Before the light reached his door Giles took one last look toward the city, toward Sunnydale, and wondered if Buffy and the others knew he was thinking of them.

_I'm sorry. I wish..._

The sunlight hissed at his fingers where they held the door open, and Rupert yelped and quickly shoved it closed. He stared at it for a long moment, and then twisted slowly to sink back against it, holding his sharply stinging right hand to his chest. It was definitely pain this time.

Giles's throat felt suddenly tight, and he let his led knock back into the door.

* * *

Xander had asked Cordelia if she wanted to come this morning, but she opted out and asked him to fill her in later. "I'm thinking this a you-guys thing," she'd said. So he got a ride from Oz and Willow, thought the werewolf guitar player didn't stay, either. He seemed to have the same feeling Cordy had.

"Give me a call when need a ride home," he told them. Then he kissed Willow's forehead, and she smiled thankfully at him and climbed out after Xander. The two of them walked up to the apartment building as he drove off.

It didn't surprise him that Buffy was the one to open the door for them when they knocked, seeing as it would have been slightly dangerous for Giles and he'd figured she would get here first anyway. What surprised Xander was the fact that it was immediately obvious something was wrong.

"Where are Oz and Cordelia?" she asked.

"Cordy decided to sit this one out," he answered.

"Oz too," Willow said.

Buffy ushered them inside and closed the door, and as Xander looked around he realized her Watcher was nowhere to be seen.

"Where's Giles?" Willow asked immediately, worriedly.

"What's going on?" Xander echoed.

"He's fine," Buffy said quietly. She motioned to the couch. "You guys should sit down."

They obeyed, though only because the look on their friend's face suggested she might not be able to handle dissent right now.

Buffy sat in the chair opposite them, on it's edge to be closer, and held out the two written sheets of paper he now saw that she'd had in her hands the whole time. "He's not here," she sighed.

"What??" Willow questioned. She took the sheets and began to scan them immediately, and Xander had to lean in over her shoulder for a moment before she remembered to slide them toward him enough that they could more easily share.

_I'm sorry. I don't expect any of you to be able to understand, and that's all right, but I hope you'll try..._the letter began.

But Buffy, apparently, didn't plan to make them sit there and read it all if they didn't want to. Xander wasn't sure if that made it easier or harder.

"He uh...he apologizes pretty much at least once every paragraph. He says that he's grateful for everything we did to try to help, and that it did help some, but...that this is just something he has to handle on his own for now. Or that's basically what he's saying, anyway." Her voice was flat, toneless. He didn't know if whatever this was had finally pushed her over the edge, or if she was doing that on purpose to keep from cracking. Either way, he was worried about her already.

"He says he'll be back—he just doesn't know when. So he left a key, so we can get to the books and weapons in here if we need them. I guess that means he's going to keep paying rent on the place, from wherever he went..."

Xander didn't understand. They were supposed to be able to help. They were supposed to be there for Giles. He was supposed to get to okay, eventually, and he was supposed to do it here where they could be around to support him.

What the hell was this?

He'd looked up at Buffy, but now he focused on the pages again.

_I thought I was dealing with this, but I was only avoiding the truth. In attempting to act as if nothing had gone wrong, I only made things worse for myself—and for all of you. I wasn't facing the problem at all. _

Giles went on from there to say that as thankful as he was to have all of them—people who cared about him—he wasn't certain he could adjust if he stayed in Sunnydale. He felt that if he didn't get out, at least for a little while, he wouldn't want to make the changes that were necessary now. It would all go to hell and blow up in their faces. Well okay, he didn't say _that_, but it was the general idea there. There was more, but Xander didn't really absorb all of it.

He was still trying to process the fact that Giles wasn't here, and they didn't know when he would be again.

Willow was sputtering. "But—but he can't just—"

"Guys, I don't think we can blame him a whole lot for this," Buffy interrupted.

"Why the hell not?" Xander questioned. "He's your Watcher, Buffy. He has a job here."

"He _died_, Xander. Are we forgetting that here? Those kinds of things usually end there. Not that I don't still think of him as my Watcher, because I do, but you know what I mean. And back to the _died_ part...it's just that I don't think we can know how that might have affected him. He's always been great at the being-British thing, and I guess I kind of always loved him for it even though we all pick on him sometimes, but my point here is that maybe he's still a lot more shaken up about this than he's been letting on."

"What are you saying?" Willow asked.

She took a breath. "I'm saying that...I don't know what I'm saying. I don't know. Maybe I'm saying that if this had happened to _me_, I might have run, too. I _probably_ would have run. I don't think I would have even stuck around as long as Giles did."

They just stared at her.

"I wouldn't have wanted to face any of you," she filled in quietly. "He's a vampire now, guys. That's...it's crazy. He has to get used to not being able to go out during the day, and used to drinking blood, and maybe he didn't want to have to do that, or didn't think he _could_ do that with us around all the time asking if he was okay and just getting in the way while we were trying to help.

"I mean...I don't guess that necessarily means we _would_ have gotten in the way. Maybe we would have done it right, and he would have been better off letting us help him through this, but I guess he didn't feel that way. He knows we'll always be willing to do whatever we can for him, and as long as he knows that, then..."

"Then we should be okay with the fact that he ran off?" Xander scoffed. He didn't want to be mad at Giles. He really didn't. But he just didn't understand this. Sure, there was probably some truth in what Buffy was saying, but he didn't get it. He didn't understand why Giles would have felt like he had to deal with this on his own, after everything they'd tried to do to help.

Willow had been quiet, but now she spoke again. "Maybe he panicked; and...everyone's allowed to do that every now and then."

Buffy nodded slowly. "I was kind of thinking that. What happened yesterday was pretty intense. He'd hadn't touched the blood at all, and I think drinking it for the first time freaked him out pretty badly. I talked to him some, and I thought I got my point across. I thought it was enough. I knew he was still a little shaken, but I thought he'd be okay, and I knew we were coming back his morning..." She looked away. "I guess I was wrong. I'm sorry, you guys."

"It's not your fault, Buffy," Willow said quietly. "I...Maybe I should have insisted we do a whole lot more thinking before we did the spell, or something. We weren't prepared for this at all."

"_We_ panicked," Buffy filled in.

"It's no more your fault than anyone else's, Willow," Xander sighed. He stood up, leaving the papers in her lap, and scrubbed a hand through his hair once or twice. "We have to find him."

"We could look, but I don't think we'd find him unless he wanted to be found."

"Well what else are we supposed to do, Buffy!"

She looked up at him steadily, and it was obvious that she'd had time to think about this before they got here. "_I_ am going to keep Sunnydale safe, just like I always do. You and Willow and Oz and Cordelia are going to finish the school year, and then you're going to have a good summer."

"But how are we supposed to do that?" Willow protested. "And what about you? You still have to get back in school."

"Giles says somewhere in there that he's planning to call the Council again and make sure they're working on it. I think he mentioned maybe calling Snyder, too. I don't know. He says he'll make sure I'm back in school when it starts in the fall, at least, anyway. I trust him."

"You didn't answer the other question."

Buffy looked at them, and for the first time since they'd gotten here there was pain evident in her eyes. "We just have to do it, Will. We're on our own for now. Giles will come back when he's ready."

Xander wanted to punch something. He wanted to find Giles and yell at him. He wanted to do a lot of things, but he forced himself to stand where he was until he calmed down and slowly realized that maybe Buffy was right. Just because Rupert Giles was an adult didn't mean he was perfect. As big as this was, maybe a complete panic wasn't so out there—and the delay on it did kind of seem to fit the man they all knew. Maybe it shouldn't have surprised him as much as it did.

Maybe he was only angry because he wanted Giles here. Now. Xander didn't want anything to change, but now that he thought about it, that was the entire problem, wasn't it? Everything was going to change. Things were _already_ changing.

Maybe Giles had a point. They'd all wanted to help him be 'okay' again, but when they said that, what they really meant was that they wanted things to go as far back to normal as possible. That was what they really wanted, wasn't it? Well...of course it was. Maybe Giles couldn't adjust to everything when he was here, knowing that was what they wanted.

Because he had to know. He was smart like that. He would have known. He would have sensed it. It had been pretty obvious he wanted it too, in fact. He didn't want to have to stay inside during the day, and he didn't want to drink blood no matter where or what it came from, and he didn't want a different face that made him look like a monster.

Maybe none of them cared about that stuff, and they still loved him, but he was going to have to get used to it all; maybe, though Xander really loathed to admit it, it made some kind of sense that Giles would need to do that away from them.

That didn't mean he liked it.

Xander sighed, and he sat down again.

"We're not on our own," he said finally. "We've got each other."

Somehow he knew Giles had thought of that, too. No matter how out-of-sorts he was, Xander didn't believe Giles would have left if he didn't think they would be okay without him for a while.

And they would be. Okay, that was. Now that he thought about it, no matter the beginning or the middle or the end or the disagreements in between, the last couple of weeks had drawn them all closer than they'd ever been.

Willow wrapped an arm around his and hugged him that way from her perch beside him, and Buffy seemed to agree, too, as she reached out to squeeze his hand before she shifted over to the couch to hug Willow.

* * *

No matter how hard Buffy tried, she couldn't be angry. Whatever had been in the flash she'd felt the last time she'd seen Giles, when she'd been angry that he hadn't been taking care of himself...all of it was gone. She could worry, and she could miss him, and she could hope that he figured everything out and came home, but she couldn't be angry.

It was probably because of the fact that everything she'd told her friends was true, and there was more to it than that. It was probably because she could understand some of how Giles must have been feeling when he made his decision—understood some of how he must feel now.

It was probably because she'd wanted to run, too.

When the portal closed and Angel was gone and she realized she'd killed the man she loved, Buffy had wanted nothing more than to run away. She hadn't wanted to face her friends, or her mother, or Giles, or anyone. She's wanted to run far, far away from the pain and never come back.

But then Xander had called her name and she'd turned to see him standing by that curtain, and everything had gone to hell and back and back again from there. Now she couldn't leave even if she'd still wanted to. She'd fixed things with her mother to some degree, which she didn't want to jeopardize, and she couldn't leave the others when Giles wasn't here either. The urge hadn't faded completely—in fact, at first everything that had been happening with Giles had only made it worse—but she knew now that she wouldn't do it.

The point was that she very well might have if Xander hadn't still been there when she looked up—if Drusilla hadn't killed her Watcher. So how could she blame him for needing to get away when she would have done it herself?

She and Xander and Willow didn't stay at Giles's place much longer. They would always have each other, but now what they need was time to think. It was even more to take in, after everything that had happened already. It was hard.

Willow and Xander called Oz and Cordelia, respectively, for rides, but Buffy declined any offer, and wandered into town. She spent most of the day there, between the park and the Expresso Pump. She didn't want to go home just yet. She didn't want her mother to look at her and know something was wrong and ask her what it was. She didn't want to come up with some story yet. She knew she valued the new understanding she had with her mother too much to stay out all night, but she wanted to put it all off as long as she could.

She did a sweep through the cemetaries after dark, but in the end she found herself at the mansion whether she'd wanted to go there or not. She hadn't been anywhere near the place since the night Giles died and Angel was lost to her forever.

Buffy went in the same way she and Xander had the night of the battle. Nothing had changed. Acathla still sat, dormant, and she wondered if there was something someone should have done with him—smashing him, or moving him, or...but she didn't know what any of that would do, or if doing anything would risk waking him, or anything. Giles hadn't said anything, so she was relatively sure they were safe, but still...she didn't want to risk it.

She realized her arms were clenched around herself tightly, and she had to admit that this place creeped her out now. More than that, it hurt—just to be here.

As much as it hurt, she didn't know why she pushed the black curtain aside and stared into the alcove where Giles had been tortured and killed and turned—where Drusilla had taken the life that Willow had managed to give back to him...

Though now Buffy began to let herself wonder, just for a moment, if they'd done the right thing. She wondered if she—no, she knew she'd been selfish. She wondered if Giles would ever forgive her for that. He'd said he wasn't angry, and she believed him, but that didn't mean he'd forgiven her.

The chair was still there.

It was right in the middle of the floor, where Angelus must have put it, before he—

Buffy swallowed hard against the lump in her throat and took a step toward it. Then she stopped. Then, after a moment, she stalked straight to it, and picked it up, and flung it across the room.

The chair shattered against the wall, but it wasn't enough. She went to where the mangled pieces lay on the ground, and she pulled at them and stomped them and pounded them and screamed until the chair was nothing but splinters in the carpet. By the time she finished she was sobbing.

Failure. She'd failed. It all came back to that, no matter what the others said. She couldn't save Angel, and she couldn't save Miss Calendar, and she hadn't been able to save Giles the way he really would have wanted. She couldn't keep him alive. She'd let him die, and now he was gone. He said he would be back, but could he really promise that?

She believed in him, and no matter what happened she still would never be angry with _him_—nothing that had happened was his fault—but what had coming back as a vampire really done to him? What if he couldn't handle it in the end? What if he never came back?

The others hadn't voiced any of those fears, and she wouldn't either.

Buffy stood over the crushed wood, shoulders hunched, and let the tears fall one more time. As her sobs quieted, she knew wouldn't cry again, about any of this. Giles wasn't here now, and her friends would need to look to _her_ for strength. She supposed they had in the past, but she'd always had Giles to help with that. Now she wouldn't, and she would have to be strong for them.

She was the Slayer. It was her job.

She dried her face and started to leave, but her eyes fell on a endtable by one of the armchairs by the entrance to the alcove. Giles's glasses and the handkerchief he used just for cleaning them both sat there, the arms of the glasses folded and set neatly stop the crumpled cloth. Buffy didn't want to think about why they were there, but instinctively she took them, though she wasn't sure why.

She what she'd found close, and made it out to the door before she lost the urge to go any farther. What was the point? It wasn't very late; she didn't want to go home yet. She sank to her knees just inside and let herself rest against the doorway. With that curtain pushed out of the way too, when she'd come in, Buffy could see the moon through the thin mist of clouds in the sky.

She wasn't one to pray, but she hoped Giles found whatever he was looking for or figured out whatever he needed to know.

She hoped he knew they wanted him home.


	11. Chapter 11

Okidoki, here ya'll go. Thanks for the...two reviews that I did get on the last chapter. I hope the rest of you are still here. Sigh. LOL. Anyway, I hope you're still liking the story. Hearing from ya'll is always good. Oh, news! Got a job! Yay! Don't worry, I'll still have time to write. School will be over in a few short weeks anyway. And hey, Spring Break is next week. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter. Have a great rest of the weekend!

Chapter 11

_Two Months Later_

The streets of L.A. were dark and cold and uninviting at night, but night was the only choice Rupert Giles had anymore. The need to hide from the world had finally begun to wane, being slowly replaced by a desire to not completely lose contact with human society. He needed something to remind him that, though he could look like one at times, he wasn't a monster.

So now he went out most nights.

Giles wasn't certain just what he was doing, but he went out. He hadn't _done_ much of anything since he'd been here, at least not until he'd worked up the courage to find a library that was sometimes open after dark. He was often there, long enough to check out reading material anyway, before he retreated to the apartment he'd rented that wasn't much more than a room. He had more than enough money saved that he could have stayed somewhere nicer, but were he was staying now was clean enough, and it suited him just fine.

He went out, and recently he'd found himself in a few skirmishes quite by accident—he'd helped a few people, he supposed, and that was something. There were a few less vampires in the area now. It wasn't that he'd gone looking for them, but when he crossed paths with them, he took care of them. It was easier now. He was stronger. He supposed Buffy had been right; maybe he could be of more use than usual now, back in Sunnydale.

Rupert missed Buffy and Willow and Xander greatly. He missed Oz and the library and his own books and even, strangely, Cordelia. He knew he didn't want to be away from them. Half of his time walking the streets at night he spent wondering why he was still here. He was slowly growing more accustomed to the facts of living as he was now, even if he would never like it. He couldn't say he was comfortable, and he wasn't sure he would ever be, but in ways he was doing much better now than he'd been eight or nine weeks ago.

Maybe it was just that...he'd run. He didn't know how to go back. Would they be angry? They had to be. He'd left his duty behind. He'd left Buffy without a Watcher. Giles knew she could handle herself, and so could the others, and at the time he'd reasoned that leaving really made more sense—that he was hindering her more than he would ever be able to help, in the emotional state he'd been in then...

But whether not he'd been right didn't change the fact that he'd left.

He pulled himself from his thoughts and cast a glance about him as he walked, just to be sure there was no trouble anywhere nearby. There wasn't. There was hardly anyone in sight. The most interesting sign of life was a young couple that emerged from a small tattoo parlor as he passed it. They were both holding out an arm as they examined them, smiling, and the girl giggled once. Giles didn't stare, but he didn't have to with his vision now. He easily caught a good enough glance in passing to be able to see that the tattoos they'd just gotten were the two halves of a heart. It looked as if they each had the others name in their half of the shape.

The two young people wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, not even noticing him as he went by. Giles kept walking, but he could easily hear them talking behind him as he went. He didn't mean to eavesdrop, but it was hard not to hear them when they were the only people in hearing distance saying anything.

"See, Lily? I told you this guy was great," the boy said. "You like them, don't you?"

"I _love_ them," she answered. "It was a little more expensive than we thought, though."

"Hey, it's okay. It was worth it, and we've got a _little_ money left. How about we go to that little diner in the morning?"

"Are you sure? You don't wanna save it?"

"We can get more—go give blood again soon or something. For now we should celebrate."

Lily laughed a little. "Okay. In the morning."

Footsteps began to retreat as they walked the other way.

"You know I love you."

"I love you too, Ricky..."

Their voices faded, and Rupert moved on more quickly, not wanting to dwell on what he'd accidentally heard. The two young people were nothing like him, and nothing like Jenny...but with little else to occupy his thoughts these days, anything could remind him of what he had lost—a face too similar, a computer or beeper, the closeness of a couple he saw in passing...

_I'm sorry_ were the most often-thought words in his vocabulary now.

Giles rounded a corner and came upon the coffee bar he'd chanced to find not long ago, that was open much of the night. They also served tea, and while it wasn't as good as the English tea he was used to, and nothing tasted quite as good as it had before...it was still a small comfort that he didn't mind coming here to find. Sitting among the other late-night tea and coffee drinkers and listening to whatever station the radio was on any given night; it was all comforting in it's own way, helping him to remember that though he wasn't quite part of the world anymore, that didn't mean he had to leave it behind.

It had only been three weeks since he'd begun to come here regularly, but already the woman at the counter who worked the late shift knew him, and as he passed the register she looked up and smiled. Her name was Erin, and he wasn't certain of her age, but she looked just a bit younger than him—or how old he'd been when he died, as it was.

"Regular, Rupert?"

He nodded once, and offered her a small smile in return. "Please." He retreated to a small booth in a corner, and moments later she appeared with his cup of hot tea. "Thank you."

"Yep," she nodded. Normally she would have gone back to the counter then, but tonight she cocked her head and, for a moment, examined him through lose strands of her long auburn hair that swam before her eyes. "So you figure out yet if this move is permanent?" she asked kindly. "You going to be sticking around, or am I gonna have to find a new British guy sometime soon?"

Giles chuckled weakly. "I...no. I don't know."

"Maybe I'm selfish, but I'm hoping you stay." When he looked at her curiously, she quickly added, "It's good for business, having somebody like you in here all the time who actually seems to like the place. People figure somebody English like you knows his stuff."

Maybe that was true, and maybe it wasn't, but Rupert was having the distinct sinking feeling that he might not be able to come here for much longer—not if she...

She was kind. It was easy to tell she was a good person, no matter whether some would consider her job, even her life, insignificant. That didn't matter. He couldn't let her...grow to care about him, even if he would have liked her had they met under other circumstances. If he were still human.

"I'm not sure what to say to that," he said finally.

"Don't worry about it," she smiled. She motioned to the cup on the table in front of him as she started to move off. "Enjoy your tea."

* * *

Sunnydale was dark and quiet. There were no fresh graves to check tonight, but Xander and Willow and Oz were out with Buffy on patrol anyway. She couldn't say no to them anymore; not with Giles still gone. Just as Xander had even before the Watcher had left, they all wanted to feel as if they were doing something. Xander, especially, now had nothing else to occupy his summer anyway. Cordelia had long since since been dragged off by her parents to some resort for the summer.

Tonight they'd split up, and while the boys took the cemetery Buffy and Willow walked the alleys near the Bronze, keeping an eye out for stray vampires or anyone in trouble. So far, there had been nothing.

"I can't believe school starts in like, two weeks," Willow sighed.

"It's closer to three," Buffy corrected. "I'm surprised at you, Willow; usually _you're_ the stickler for details."

"Hey, nobody's perfect."

"Maybe I'm just keeping a closer eye on the specifics because I'm worried about passing those make-up tests when we go back," the Slayer admitted.

"You'll do fine," Willow assured her. "At least you do _get_ to come back. That much is of the good, right?"

"Yeah..." That call had finally come a couple of weeks ago, and she and her mother had been to meet with principal Snyder. He obviously hadn't been very happy about whatever was forcing him to allow Buffy back into Sunnydale High come the new school year, and there were a couple of other stipulations besides passing all of the make-up exams from the classes she'd missed the ends of last year. "I wonder if they've hired anybody permanent for the library yet," she mussed.

Willow groaned. "I hope they didn't hire the substitute they got for the last two weeks in the spring. She was all young and snotty and by-the-book and know-it-all-y. I think she just graduated from college like last year."

"Meaning Xander and Oz and I would never be able to skip classes and hide out in there, and we'd never be able to use the library as Slayer base camp again," Buffy deadpanned.

"Exactly—though that'll probably be true whoever they get," Willow grumbled. "I guess we could try your house, since your mom knows now and all, but then again I don't know how much Joyce would like that..."

She winced. "Yeah. Mom's doing okay, but I think what she really wants is to just not hear too much of the Slayer stuff at all."

They didn't really have a Slayer Central anymore. There was always Giles's apartment, but none of them really wanted to spend much time there; it reminded them too much of the fact that didn't know when or if he would ever come back. They only went there when they needed the books or extra weapons, which this summer hadn't been very often. It had been relatively quiet.

Willow stared off into the distance and spoke wistfully. "I really wish school would start and it would just be like nothing happened—you know, like Giles would just show up in the library when we walked in, with his tweed and his glasses and everything, and have no problem with the whole sunlight thing?" She paused. "I know it's just a fantasy..."

Buffy put an arm around her friend's shoulders for a moment and squeezed, her heart aching. "I know—but I know what you mean. I wish that too. Every day."

* * *

The next night Giles did venture out for his tea, but he got it to go. As an excuse to Erin he made some vague mention of work that he had to get done...not quite a lie. Thinking was working, in it's own way. He needed time to clear his head. He hadn't quite made sense of the exchange they'd had the night before. As short as it had been, he knew there had been much more to it than the words.

The night was a little warmer now, though it wouldn't have bothered him either way, and he wore his coat outside out of habit. He walked, sipping the tea from the take-out cup, not quite headed back in the direction of his apartment. Thinking was easier out here, somehow.

"I am no-one..."

There were more people out on the street here tonight, and it took a moment to realize that the whisper had come from an elderly woman huddled in a doorway he passed.

It wasn't the first time he'd heard that since he'd been here, he realized.

Rupert thought about turning back, seeing if there were something he could do for the obviously homeless woman, but there were so many such people around here, and he didn't have endless resources. He wished he could do more, but...

Well, who would want his help, anyway?

Most of the few people he had ended up saving in the past few weeks had been grateful, but those were the ones who had never known he was now the same type of creature as what had attacked them to begin with. The others...when the fight had been hard enough, and he hadn't been able to stop the demon visage from shifting his face, the rescued humans then had run away, some screaming.

He would certainly never get used to _that_. How could he?

Giles was too lost in his thoughts to see the older man he crossed paths with until they ran into each other. With the top the cup had, none of the tea spilled, but Rupert sputtered on the gulp he'd been taking, and stumbled back and stared in confusion when he saw the blank look in the man's eyes.

"I'm sorry...are you all right?" he asked anxiously.

The man didn't even blink. "I am no-one." Then he stepped right right into the street, and in front of an oncoming vehicle.

"What are you doing! Get out of the street!"

The man didn't seem to hear him at all, and as people nearby gasped and stared and pointed in the few seconds there were, Giles dropped his cup and ran at the elderly man. He knocked him out of the way, but had no time to move himself.

The truck hit him with enough force to seriously injure or quite possibly kill any normal human, but his body rolled up and over the windshield and then dropped off the side of the vehicle. He crumpled to the ground hard, and his head smartly smacked the pavement. His entire body ached, but it was something that was easily ignored, and he only saw stars for a moment before he was able to easily push himself to his feet.

By then, there was already a crowd in the middle of the road around himself and the man he'd pushed. The man was fine. He was getting up, ignoring those who tried to help him, and soon was walking away unscathed. Giles would have followed, but two many others were pressing in around him.

"Oh my God!"

"Somebody should get him to a hospital!"

"He must be in shock; he shouldn't be standing up like that—"

One face he recognized—the young blond girl he'd seen with her boyfriend the night before, coming out of the tattoo parlor. "Are you okay?" she was asking. "I can't believe you did that! You could have gotten yourself killed."

"I'm fine," he told them all. "Really. It wasn't as bad as it looked. Please, I have to go..." He pulled away from them and hurried in the direction he'd seen the strange blank-faced man go, but didn't see him. Rupert looked for more than an hour, but never found anything.

Finally he retreated back to his...well, room, and reluctantly opened the refrigerator. Usually he fed before he went out—it was easier that way—but when he'd woken this evening his thoughts had been too preoccupied. He'd forgotten. As he looked inside, he realized he would have to make a trip to the butcher's soon. It wasn't something he enjoyed, but...

When Giles wanted to ignore his body's need for the blood, he remembered the hurt, angry look on Buffy's face. She wanted him to take care of himself, so he would. He supposed it was starting to get a little easier.

When he'd drank enough for tonight, he retreated to a chair by the closed and curtained window and picked up the book he'd left on the table beside it. He tried to read, but he couldn't focus. Finally he set it down again, frustrated, and determined that he couldn't stop wondering about the man in the street, and the woman huddled by the storefront, and the others like them he'd seen in the past weeks.

Something, he finally decided, had to be wrong. Something was going on, and it wasn't natural at all. Still, though he went back out, he found nothing.

* * *

The Scooby Gang had finally begun to go to the Bronze again, but more often than not they found themselves staying rather listlessly in one of the sitting areas, sipping on soft drinks and trying to find topics of conversation. Sometimes Willow danced with Oz, and sometimes Buffy or Xander pulled the other onto the outskirts of the dance floor in an attempt to have some small amount of harmless, friendship-like fun. Sometimes it looked like they succeeded, and sometimes it didn't.

Tonight they were only sitting, because as Willow had pointed out to Buffy the previous night, school was approaching fast, and they all knew it. It was depressing.

"Okay, seriously...what the hell are we doing here?" Xander demanded finally.

Oz shrugged. "I believe we were rigorously engaged in _not_ talking about what we're _not _doing here—or what we _are_ doing here. Maybe both." Dingoes Ate My Baby were playing the Bronze tonight, but he was beside his girlfriend for now, while his band took a short break between sets.

"Thank you; that was very insightful," Xander answered sarcastically.

"Actually, it kinda was," Buffy said then.

Willow gave Xander an apologetic look. "Gonna have to agree, and not just because he's my boyfriend, I swear."

"Oh...well...you guys are probably right anyway," he said, and let his head drop back on the couch he was sprawled across.

"Anybody wanna dance?" Willow asked after a moment. There was a quick chorus of 'no's. "Right. Yeah. Me either." She waited a moment, and then tried again. "How about patrol?"

Buffy and Xander got up immediately, and Oz stood slowly and headed back toward the stage. "I'll be out there as soon as this last set's over," he said. He paused, and Willow stood and hugged him before following her other two friends from the club.

* * *

Giles went looking the next night, too. He checked a place or two that he knew the homeless in this area used, and found another place or two he hadn't known about before. He found several elderly people that seemed to be in the same strange condition. As kindly as he could, he tried to wrest any information from them at all, but they wouldn't look at him. They wouldn't speak to him but to repeat their mantra: "I am no-one."

Now he was certain something was happening here, at least in this little corner of L.A. It was something evil, and he was sure of it. Still, he had no idea what.

It was on the way back to his apartment that he saw her. She sat alone and forlorn on a curb, and even one glance told him she had been crying. If he remembered correctly, her name was Lily. Like last night, Ricky was nowhere to be seen. Her fingers traced sadly over the red tattooed half-heart on her arm, and Giles couldn't help but slow to a stop as he approached her.

"Are you all right?" he asked gently.

She looked up quickly, and dried her tears as she scrambled to her feet. "I'm fine. Sorry, I-I shouldn't be just sitting there—" She broke off once she'd gotten a good look at him. "Hey...you're that guy that almost got killed last night. That truck hit you when you saved that guy."

Rupert blinked. "Yes, well, I—"

"Can you help me?" she asked suddenly.

"What?"

"I just—I don't know who to ask. I've been looking all day, and I haven't had anything to eat, and I'm tired and hungry and cold, and I can't _find_ him, and he never does this, and...and I mean, you could have _died_ getting that guy out of the way of that truck but you did it anyway, so if I'm wrong, I'm sorry, but I just...thought maybe you might not mind helping me—"

"Slow down! What do you mean? Who are you looking for?" He had a good idea, but she wouldn't know that. There was no reason to raise any suspicions.

"My boyfriend. His name is Ricky." She held out her arm to show him the tattoo, that had the boy's name on a white ribbon across the half-heart. "He has a tattoo just like this—the other half of the heart, on the opposite arm, with my name on it. I'm Lily. Have you seen him?"

"I'm afraid I haven't..."

She swallowed. "I know I don't know you, but I need help, and—Could you help me? Please? I have to find him. He must be in trouble."

"Have you contacted the police?"

"Ricky skipped out on his parole...not that he's a bad guy, or anything. He just got involved with the wrong people, that's all. Anyway, all I mean is that the police would just make more trouble if I brought them into this. I can't go to them. That's why I don't know what to do," Lily said desperately.

Giles winced. He wanted to help. He did...but what if something happened? What if she found out what he was? He could do more harm than good here. The girl had enough problems, it seemed. She didn't need to know what was out there in the shadows. She didn't need that on her mind; she didn't need something else to fear.

"I don't know what I can do..."

"Please," she pleaded.

He looked at her for a long moment, and finally...he couldn't say no. "All right. Perhaps I can help." He thought a moment, and then motioned down the street in the direction of the coffee shop and indicated that she should follow him. "Let's get you something to eat first."

The place was open 24 hours, unusual for such a place, but he always went earlier in the night and didn't know if Erin would still be there this late, with half the night gone. It turned out that she was, and when Lily sat at the counter Giles told her to let the girl have whatever she wanted. He would cover it. Erin smiled warmly at him, told him she'd missed him earlier in the evening, and said she would bring him his usual, on the house, as soon as she'd taken Lily's order. As small as it, admittedly, was, what he was doing for the girl seemed to impress her.

Giles thanked her sheepishly, and tried to proverbially wave it off. He could have done without the attention. He wasn't a hero; he was a human soul trapped in the body of a vampire, who didn't even know his place in the world anymore. It was hardly worth admiring.

He drank his own tea, and waited until Lily had eaten one of the sandwiches the shop served and was sipping at a coffee and waiting on another sandwich, before he asked her to begin to go into detail on what was happening with Ricky and his disappearance.

Lily told him everything she could—places Ricky normally went, places she hadn't found him, places they went together, things she thought might have happened...

"Sometimes he'll go somewhere for a day or so, and he can't take me with him or doesn't or something, but he always tells me when he's going even if he doesn't tell me where. He's always back when he says he'll be back, too. He loves me; he wouldn't just disappear like this. Something has to be wrong. He must be in trouble," she reiterated.

Giles thought he had enough enough information, and drained what was left in his cup as he stood. "Stay here," he told her gently. "I'll look for him."

"I-I didn't want to make you do it by yourself. I've been looking, and I'll keep doing it. I'll help."

"No. It's very late, and these streets could be dangerous. This place doesn't close; you can stay here, and you'll be safe." He pulled a couple of bills from his wallet and pushed them across the counter to Erin. "You can have whatever else you want here. I'll be back before morning."

Lily looked at him for a long moment. "Okay...I guess. I mean, I don't have anywhere else to go," she sighed.

He hadn't thought so. "It'll be all right. I'll do whatever I can."

She swallowed, her eyes suddenly damp. "Thank you."

Giles smiled uncertainly, and then shifted his gaze back to Erin. "May I ask you to watch out for her while I'm gone?"

"I can do that. I'm off in a couple of hours, but I can stay with her until you get back even if it's later than that." He opened his mouth, not sure how to respond to that, but she held up a hand. "It's okay, Rupert. I don't mind. The girl needs help, and I'm all for helping you give it to her." Lily had gone back over the parole problem, the fact that involving the police wouldn't help, and Erin understood the situation now. "Go on. Get out of here."

He nodded, and was gone.

He briefly checked the places he'd already been, because when he'd been through before he hadn't been looking for Ricky. He didn't see anything he hadn't already seen until one of the last old buildings he went through. It wasn't Ricky, or at least he didn't think so, but he did notice a still pair of legs on the ground, protruding from behind a stack of crates. When he looked around them, he realized the homeless older man lying there was dead. His eyes stared upward, unseeing.

It happened, but Giles still felt sadness. He would have moved on nonetheless, because he had a task before him, but something on the man's arm caught his eye before he could turn away.

Frowning, he crouched down beside the still form and turned the arm over so he could see the underside more clearly. When he saw what was there, his eyebrows went up as far as they'd ever gone. "Good lord..." he whispered in horror.

On the dead man's arm was a tattoo of a red half-heart, with the name "Lily" on a white ribbon across its middle.

Giles made his way back to the coffee shop slowly, trying to make sense of what he'd seen, but he couldn't. There was no other conclusion but that the man he'd found had, in fact, been Ricky. With the life he'd led in the world he'd led it in, he had no doubt of that. He just didn't know how it was possible. Apparently it was, and he had no trouble believing something could rapidly age and kill a person like that, but now he needed to know what. Whatever it was, apparently it was going to be up to him to stop it.

First though, unfortunately, he had to figure out what to tell Lily.

The girl was still at the counter when he got there, with a half-empty cup of hot-chocolate in front of her. She looked up quickly when he came in and took the next seat. Erin noticed him come in, but it hadn't been a full two hours and she was still on duty, though she was cleaning now and probably preparing to hand things over to the next shift. She didn't seem to have time to come over just now, but she indicated that she'd be there soon.

"What happened?" Lily demanded. "Did you find anything? You haven't been gone all that long or anything..."

"I...I may may found something..."

"Like what? Ricky? Do you have any idea where he is? Did someone say something?"

He winced. "No, no one's said anything about him. What I found...I don't think you would believe me," he admitted.

She crossed her arms impatiently. "Look, you can think I'm crazy if you want, but I used to be in a cult that worshiped vampires. I think I'll believe you. Just tell me what you found. I need to know if Ricky's okay!"

Giles, startled, just stared at her. "What?"

"What what?"

"You were—" He stopped and collected his thoughts. "The cult...was it in Sunnydale?"

She at him strangely. "Yeah...Why do you care? It was stupid."

He looked at her for another moment, and lowered his voice. "You saw one, didn't you? Or more than one. Vampires. Real ones."

Her eyebrows climbed to her hairline. "You know about them too?"

He swallowed. "Unfortunately, yes. I know quite a bit about them." Then this girl—if she hadn't exactly met Buffy or any of the other Scoobies, she had at least seen them, months ago when Buffy's old friend from Hemery High had come to Sunnydale and caused so much trouble. It was hard to believe the coincidence, but he said nothing of it.

They were both silent, until Lily spoke up again. "Well...that's good, then, you know, that you know that there's...stuff out there. I mean, I don't know a lot but...I know that means you could probably help me better than someone else could."

"Well...I suppose that's true," Giles had to admit.

Lily looked up again quickly. "Then what did you find?" she asked, suddenly panicked. "Oh god, they didn't get him, did they?"

"Not vampires," he grimaced sympathetically.

He didn't want to, but, as gently as possible, he told her what he'd found.

"What?? No...that's impossible," she insisted, jumping up from her stool.

"I'm afraid it isn't. I'm so very sorry...All that I can promise is that I fully intend to find whatever did this and put an end to it."

"And Ricky's dead? I'm just supposed to accept that?!"

Giles hesitated. "I don't think it's wise, but I could bring you there—"

"No!" she shouted. The shop was otherwise empty, and Erin was the only one left to stare. "I don't believe you! I don't care what else is out there; you're crazy!" With that she stormed out.

"Lily, wait!"

"What happened?" Erin asked worriedly, hurrying closer.

"I found the boy she was looking for," he explained more simply. "He was dead."

"Oh, Rupert..."

"I should go after her."

She nodded quickly, and he hurried out.

* * *

Disclaimer: Some event details are taken from the episode "Anne" in Buffy's season three, though a lot of things are different, of course, but anyway...


	12. Chapter 12

Here ya'll go. :) Thank you so much for the reviews! I hope to keep hearing from ya'll. :) Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter. There's more "Anne" material, and no I still don't own that stuff. LOL.

Chapter 12

When Giles woke, he didn't know where he was. The floor was cold and hard, the light was dim, and not too far off he heard a mass of clanging and banging and screeching. The memories of the last day or so came back in clumps, as he sat up slowly and realized he was facing a wall of heavy bars.

Lily had managed to disappear on him, and with what little amount of time he'd had before dawn, he hadn't found her. He'd stumbled into his apartment building when morning came, narrowly avoiding the sunlight, and remembered only then that he hadn't stopped by to give Erin any kind of update. Then, of course, he'd been trapped inside all day—which was more frustrating then than it had ever had a chance to be before.

He'd gone out as soon as there were enough shadows to provide reasonable cover, and looked in every place Lily had mentioned the night before—the places she and Ricky frequented—but the girl was nowhere to be found. He resorted to asking anyone else there if they had seen her, and after enough questioning one young woman told him she'd seen Lily that morning, and that it had looked like she was heading for one of the local shelters.

Giles had followed the directions another young man gave him when the girl didn't know for sure, and had found his way to a small cubbyhole of a place that called itself Family Home.

Strangely enough, the two men at the door hadn't seemed to want to let him in, and that was when he'd been sure something was wrong.

Rupert twisted on the cold cell floor and saw Lily behind him, sitting on the same floor against the edge of a cot and staring despondently into a distance that held nothing at all. The cot itself was taken—by a skeletal corpse.

Moving at all gave him a sharp reminder that he'd been cracked on the back of the head hard enough to knock him unconsious, and he remembered the rest.

Acting on instinct, he'd fought his way inside and found Lily at the side of a small pool in a back room, clad in a neutral-colored shift. With her was a surprisingly familiar face—one Giles had seen about the neighborhood more than once in the past weeks. He'd heard the man talking to several young people, telling them about this shelter. He'd seemed like a religious man, but...whatever was going on here felt decidedly evil. The pitch-black water in the pool already seemed to indicate that.

Lily had looked up in surprise, and the well-dressed man—Ken, if he remembered correctly, from more than one overheard conversation—had whirled on him quickly.

"Excuse me, but this is private moment. If you could just—"

"What's going on here?" Giles had demanded.

But before the conversation could get any farther, Lily had been sucked into the pool.

There had been a brief scuffle, of course. Giles had tried to go after her and Ken had tried to stop him. They'd both fallen in, and that was when he'd discovered that the pool was no pool, but a portal. Anything after that was fuzzy, thanks to the guards below that had obviously been demons. Otherwise he didn't think the one that had knocked him out would have been strong enough to do it.

Now they were here—not that he knew where 'here' was.

Lily, though she wouldn't look at him, seemed to realize he was awake. "Always knew I would come here, sooner or later. I knew I belonged here," she said quietly, resigned.

"Where?"

"Hell," she whispered.

"You aren't dead, Lily. This isn't hell."

"Isn't it?" Ken's voice said from behind them. They both looked, and saw not a human face, but the orange-brown face of a demon with the same eyes. That was when Giles remembered the fall again, and how Ken had been furious that the fight and the fall had dislodged his human mask. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to glue that thing on?!" he'd shouted then. Now he just smirked at them coldly.

"What is hell, but the total absence of hope? The substance, the tactile proof of despair. You're right, Lily. This is where you've been heading all your life—just like Ricky."

"Ricky?" she asked, suddenly showing sign of life.

Ken sighed with false sympathy. "He forgot you; took him a long time—he remembered your name _years _after he'd forgotten his own—but, in the end..."

"Years?" Lily all but squeaked.

Giles knew immediately what the demon was going to say next, or had an idea anyway, and he knew why Ricky had been old and dead when he'd found him.

Ken shrugged. "Oh. Interesting thing. Time moves more quickly here than in your reality. A hundred long years will pass here...but on Earth, it's just a day."

Rupert pushed himself to him feet, ignoring the slight urge that still remained to be dizzy, and glowered. "You trick them into coming to you. You offer hope, but you drop them here and take it all away," he accused angrily.

He remembered, in a flash, the work floor he'd seen when he had Lily had tried to run. They'd been stopped when they came out on the edge of the balcony above it, and that was where the guards that were even more grotesque than Ken had caught up to them. Then everything had gone black until he woke in this cell only minutes ago.

"That's all you do, isn't it? You work them until they're too old, and spit them back out into Earth's dimension to fend for themselves."

"That's the plan," Ken agreed mildly. "Only you can include yourself now. True, you're a little older than the usual demographic, but we can't very well let you go while you're still sane, now can we?" He glanced back at Lily. "See, Lily...you'll die of old age before anyone wonders where you went, not that's anyone will. That's why we chose you."

Then he focused on Giles once more, and smirked again. "And you...I've seen you. Back in L.A. you've been in town for weeks, but what do you do? Not much. I'd wager you're running from something just as much as she and all the others like her are. I doubt there's anyone to care about _you_, either. Even if there is, they'll never find you."

Not that they would be looking. If he never came back...what would they assume? They would think he'd given up—that he was gone, or too afraid to return. They might mourn, eventually, when they finally lost any hope, or they might just move on. They might forget him, after a while, or at least choose to.

Oh god, what had he done? Giles wondered. If he never left this place they really would be left to wonder what had become of him, and he couldn't bear the thought of that wondering turning to hate...if it hadn't already.

Ken laughed and walked away, leaving Lily and Giles in the cell with the half-dressed corpse.

After a moment or two Rupert swallowed, and turned to look at Lily behind him. "What happened?" he asked gently. "Why did you follow him?"

She only glanced at him briefly before staring into nothing again. "He said Ricky was at Family Home, but...before I could see him I had to go through a Cleansing." She gave a small shrug and whispered, "I was so stupid."

"No...you weren't."

It was all he said, before he sat down again. He wanted to say more—anything. He wanted to comfort her, but that would have to wait. He didn't plan to stay here, but if he was going to get them out there could be nothing left to suspicion. He couldn't tell her that he planned to do anything at all.

So they sat in silence.

* * *

Hours later the guards came, rousting the new prisoners from their cells and herding them down from the holding area to the work floor. Lily went quietly, head down, and Giles followed close, already looking for opportunities. When they stopped, they weren't in full view of the rest of the floor, and apparently these demons' previous experiences with frightened human seemed to have given them the impression that the rest of the guards could return to their duties elsewhere, and one guard with a metal-embedded club was more than enough to keep a small group of new workers in check.

"You work, and you live. That is all," the guard began immediately, swinging his club menacingly. "You do not complain, or laugh, or do anything besides _work_. Whatever you thought, whatever you were...does not matter. You are no-one now. You mean nothing." He walked up to a small young man at the end of the line, and asked a simple question: "Who are you?"

The boy blinked. "Aaron?" he said uncertainly.

It was the wrong answer, and Giles knew it before the boy did—though it didn't take him long to find out. The demon immediately swung his club into Aaron's side, and Rupert flinched as the guard beat the boy to the ground.

When the demon straightened, he looked at Lily. "Who are you?"

"No-one," she answered quickly.

The guard smirked and moved down the line, repeating the question. Giles's jaw was already clenched, and when the demon got to him, he was ready. A relatively out-of-the-way spot, only one guard in the immediate area...

It was now or never.

"Who are you?"

He suddenly brightened. "Rupert Giles, to be precise, but it's more dependent on who it is you're asking; friends from my youth only called me Ripper—"

The demon snarled in anger and swung, but Giles caught the club, wrenched it from the guard's hands and delivered a swift kick to the gut that doubled the thing over long enough for him to bash it's head with the stolen club well enough to knock it out, even if it wasn't dead.

He looked back at the huddle of people behind him, and dropped the club. "Unless you'd all like to stay here, I suggest you follow me."

They all looked at him wide-eyed for a moment, but then they jumped into action. Giles moved to help the boy who'd been hurt, but a couple of the others were already helping him up, which was encouraging. That left Rupert free to lead the group as they wound their way, staying out of sight, to the base of a set of metal steps that led up to the balcony he and Lily had been on before when they'd seen the work floor for the first time. There were two guards up there now, keeping watch on the entrance to the corridor that led back to the portal.

"What now?" Lily asked anxiously.

"We'll need a distraction." He thought for a moment. "When those guards leave their post, you'll need to get these people up the stairs and out of here. Can you do that?"

"What? You're leaving us?" she cried.

"I'm the distraction, Lily. There's no other way."

"But—"

He pulled in air and pushed it out again in a sigh, aware that as they'd crept here and he hadn't been speaking he hadn't been using any at all, in an attempt to be as quiet as possible, and that he was lucky none of the frightened people around him had noticed.

"Don't worry. I'll be there if I can, but don't wait for me."

She swallowed. "I-I don't know if I ca—"

"You can. I know you can," he told her firmly. "But you won't be able to if you won't trust yourself. You can do this. Now get farther out of sight until the guards are out of the way."

Lily hesitated, looking at him for a moment. "I'm sorry I yelled at you before; you were right..."

"It's all right. Go."

"Well I just wanted to say it, you know, it case we die—"

"Go!" he hissed quietly.

She nodded, managed a small smile, and herded the rest of the group back into the shadows.

Giles took a moment, and then he ran.

He wasn't in the uniform nondescript clothing the rest of the workers were wearing—he was in jeans and a collard shirt instead—and no-one else was moving any faster than the slow crawl of the work. He attracted attention immediately, and every guard he passed started after him. He ran, taking down or tripping up every one that he could as he went, but he didn't turn to really fight until he found a square of open space large enough to sustain a good fight.

It took another moment or two, but the guards from the balcony came down, and from the corner of his eye Giles saw Lily and the others head quickly up the metal steps and slip into to the corridor that would lead them to the way out of this horrid place.

At the sounds of the skirmish Ken came rushing out onto the balcony from another corridor, and Rupert nearly smirked to himself, thinking about the shocked look on the demon's face that he didn't have time to look at now.

"Humans don't fight back!" Ken shouted suddenly. "Humans don't _fight back_! That's how this WORKS!"

Giles was angry—angry at Ken and his minions for stealing these people's lives, angry at himself for staying away from Sunnydale for so long, still so angry at Angelus, and at Drusilla...

He paused long enough to spin and glare menacingly up at Ken, and since Lily and the others had gone and nothing was stopping him, for the first time he could remember he let his face shift to its vampire visage of his own free will. "I'm not human."

He didn't wait to let Ken register _that_ shock before he focused again on the fight.

A thin pole he'd snapped from a piece of machinery served well enough for stabbing and for knocking demons down like bowling pins, until it bent. After that, he used the bent version as a club until one of the guards came at him with a multi-bladed weapon that he kicked out of the demon's hand and took for himself.

There had never been this many vampires at once, back in L.A. He had to admit that the action felt good. The exhilaration simmered in his blood, and part of the reason it was so strong was the demon inside him that wanted a fight, but he knew that wasn't all of it. _He_ was enjoying this, and he found, finally, that to a certain degree he didn't mind that he did.

It took a another minute or two for him to notice that Ken was gone, and when he realized where the demon might have gone he finally broke off from what was left of the guards and sprinted for the stairs.

"One of you fights, and you all die!"

Giles froze at the voice. When he looked up Ken was back at the edge of the balcony...and he had Lily, a knife to her throat. He shifted his face back, but he didn't know if it had been quickly enough. Ken glared down at him.

"I don't care what you are. Those are still the rules."

Rupert swallowed, and he didn't move as two of the remaining conscious guards each took an arm and held him in place.

Ken let go of Lily now, pushing her behind him. "That...was not...permitted," he ground out angrily, just to be sure his point was across.

Giles answered coldly. "No, but I rather enjoyed it."

"You've got guts. I think I'd like to slice you open and play with them. Now that I think about it, that's a good idea, too. If you're a vampire, you'd still be alive to feel it."

He grimaced. If Lily hadn't seen anything, she'd certainly heard _that_.

Now what?

Ken chuckled darkly, and looked out at the rest of the work floor and those that labored there. "Let everyone know! This is price of rebellio—" Then he cut off and screamed, because Lily had pushed him off the balcony from behind. He hit the ground hard, and lay still.

In the seconds before there was any reaction, Rupert stared up at Lily in surprise. She stared down at him in return, but the expression on her face was unreadable.

Then she fled back the way toward the portal, and the guards reacted to their leader's death.

Giles broke away from the guards holding him before they could figure out just what they were supposed to do, and instead of fighting his way through the rest of them to the staircase he grabbed a chain that dangled near the edge of the balcony and used it to pull himself up. He stepped off on the balcony seconds later and ran in the direction Lily had gone.

He found the whole group stopped at a gate that had fallen from the ceiling, cutting the corridor off and keeping them from the portal. A few of them were trying to lift it, but they weren't getting very far. Giles moved in to help. As soon as he started to lift it it began to move some, and when they realized he had it the others got out of his way.

Lily had quickly backed as far away from him as she could get the moment he'd rounded the corner and came upon them.

He could worry about that later.

It was hard, but he got the gate up enough of the way, and the group of prisoners scrambled under it. Giles was about to slip under himself and let it down, when something tackled him out of the way.

He landed on the side of the gate he'd wanted to be on, and he heard a cry of pain as he sat up and realized it was Ken who'd barreled into him—the demon who wasn't quite as dead as Rupert had thought a moment before, and who was now pinned to the ground because two of the spikes on the bottom of the gate had gone through his legs.

The nearly-free group of humans was already at the portal, hoisting each other up and through back to L.A. Ken was sputtering in fury even through the pain he must have been in. "You've ruined—you've—"

Wearily, Giles stood and scooped up a club that had been left in the corridor after the skirmish there'd been when he'd fallen through to this dimension. He approached Ken and stared at him for a few long seconds. Finally, he spoke.

"If my Slayer were here, I'm certain she would think of something incredibly witty to say. I don't have the patience to try."

Then Giles put the demon out if his misery.

* * *

When Rupert turned back to the portal, everyone else was already up. Luckily, jumping high enough to catch the edge wasn't a problem. It was just a few feet over his head. Granted, that would have been absurd more than two months ago, but now...

He pulled himself up and out, tumbling onto the floor of the back room of Family Home. He glanced back at the dark pool that was the portal, but as he watched it disappeared—bricking itself over and solidifying into the normal bottom the shallow pool must have had before it had been forged as the connection point between two dimensions.

"I guess that means we won't be getting anybody else out, huh?"

"Unfortunately." Giles stood, dusting off his knees, and looked for the voice. His eyebrows went up when he found the only person left in the room besides himself. "Lily."

She stared him down, strangely unafraid now. "You're a vampire."

"Yes," he answered quietly.

"The only vampires I ever saw before never wasted time pretending to be nice...so I don't understand."

"It may sound rather ridiculous, but I'm...different."

"How?"

He looked at her for a moment. "If you saw what—or even if you didn't and you only heard Ken, still...why didn't you leave with the others? Before I could come up?"

"They left because they wanted to get back to something. Without Ricky I...don't have anything to go back to. It doesn't matter if you kill me; I just wanted to know why you helped me."

"I would never hurt you."

She cocked her head at him. "You killed Ken."

Giles winced. "He was a demon."

Lily shrugged. "I wasn't complaining; I was just...saying."

They both stood in silence, until he answered her other questions. "I don't know why I helped you," he admitted, not quite looking at her. "Helping people...it used to be very much a part of what I did, every day...but I was human then."

"How long ago was that?"

"Just two or three months ago, actually. I'm not sure I'm even very used to _not _being human, much less used to being what I am..." He trailed off, unsure of why he was telling her this.

She chewed her lip for a moment. "Is that why you're different?" she asked finally. "Because you haven't been a vampire very long?"

Giles shook his head. "It's much more complicated than that, I'm afraid."

She shrugged again, and sat down on the edge of the closed pool. To do that, she had to come closer, and she didn't seem angry or afraid, or...anything he'd been afraid would still be there.

So he told her how it worked—vampires and souls, and how he had one. He didn't go into anything else, such as how he'd been in Sunnydale, or who he knew there, or what he'd devoted his life to, or any other details that would tell her more about what was out there. There was no reason to bother her with that; she knew more than enough already. He explained just enough that she could understand.

"I'm sorry that you had to find out like that. I never meant to scare you."

She laughed uncertainly. "Getting sucked into some unnamed hell dimension or whatever that was scared me a lot worse. I guess it's okay...I mean, you'd just met me and everything. You probably don't go around broadcasting that you're...you know..."

"That much is quite true."

"Yeah..."

She got up, and when they looked at the first clock they found they discovered that it wasn't even midnight yet. Here it had been only minutes, really, since they'd gone through the portal. Erin would still be on duty at the coffee shop, and Giles remembered that he'd never let her know how the search for Lily was going. He suggested they go there, and the girl seemed happy with that idea.

The streets were just as dark and damp, but they didn't seem so cold anymore. Not that it had bothered him before, but he thought he could tell a certain difference. Maybe it was just him.

The silence was surprisingly comfortable, but at length Lily broke it anyway.

"So...if you haven't been a vampire very long, I mean...don't you have a family or something?"

"No, no family...or not in the conventional sense, but...I suppose I had one. I do have one..."

"Which is it?"

He stopped, and she stopped with him, looking at him curiously.

"I _do_ have a family," he told her quietly, even as he realized it for himself. "Of a fashion."

"Then what are you doing here?"

Giles blinked at her in surprise. "I don't know."

* * *

"Rupert! Lily!" Erin called, as soon as she saw them. Before Giles had much time to react she'd come out from behind the counter and hugged him fiercely, just for a moment. Then she let go, and took a step back awkwardly and cleared her throat. "Right, well...what on earth happened? Neither of you came back last night, or all day, and with these streets I was half afraid you were _both_ lying dead in a dumpster somewhere."

"No no, we're fine," Giles said. "It's simply taken this long to find her."

"When I want to get lost, I...get lost," Lily explained briefly.

"Apparently so." She looked them both over. "So you're all right?"

"I did just say that," Rupert reminded her.

Lily shrugged. "I'm fine; I just over-reacted, before. I didn't want to believe him."

Erin sighed. "I know, dear, and I'm so sorry about what happened. If there's anything I can do..."

Giles was the one to answer, because he wasn't sure Lily would ever ask for herself. "Actually, it would help tremendously if you know of somewhere she could stay. I haven't been here long enough to know where to look." Not for anything besides the places where the homeless loitered, anyway.

It seemed she'd already been thinking about this. "I've got some extra room, if she wants to stay with me for a while." She looked at Lily. "And I think the boss is about to start looking for a couple of new people, if you need a job. There are other places around here too, if that doesn't work out. A little time, and I'm sure we could get you fixed up."

"Really?" Lily asked, finally smiling a little, uneasily. "I-I mean, I wouldn't want to cause anybody any trouble."

"You wouldn't be any trouble; a little company would do me some good, anyway." Erin smiled and looked back to Giles. "How's that, Rupert?"

"It sounds wonderful. I just want to know that she'll be all right if I—well, I think I'm going to be leaving."

"Leaving?" Lily echoed.

"Yes, leaving the city." He looked pointedly at Erin. "Not that being here has been unpleasant, but...I believe it's time I went home."

Her expression faltered, but then she smiled gently again. "Oh...you're sure?"

He managed an anxious chuckle. "Not at all."

"Well you know where to find us," she shrugged. She looked at him for a long moment. "Take care of yourself, British man."

Giles smiled back at her, and tried not to think too much about what could have been. He went back the next night, and Lily was there with Erin. The girl thanked him for everything he'd done whether he really wanted the thanks or not, and he said his goodbyes to the both of them.

Then he walked back to his already-empty room of an apartment, glanced in one last time to be sure he hadn't left anything behind, and went back down to his car.

Soon L.A. was behind him.

* * *

School and senior year were now less than two weeks away, and Buffy almost wished it would all just disappear. They'd survived the summer just fine, but the thought of starting school without Giles in the library and never far off was just too strange. It didn't help that she wasn't looking forward to those make-up exams, either.

She couldn't remember the last time she'd gone on patrol on her own. Even if it wasn't all of them every night, there was always someone. They were all out here now, though tonight she'd managed to at least seperate herself from the others for a little while. They weren't far off—just on the other side of the cemetary—but she welcomed the quiet that she could hear herself think in.

Not that having the others out here bothered her, or that she had much she really _wanted_ to think about...but just having the quiet was nice now and then.

Of course, quiet was impossible once the vampires inevitably showed.

Buffy heard the scuffle from a distance, and couldn't tell if it a pack of vamps attacking a civillian or her friends taking on a vamp or two. Either way, she burst into a run. She crossed half the cemetary in seconds and came around a hedge, though she didn't quite understand what she saw when she got there. It was dark, none of them were quite facing her and the fight was moving a bit too quickly for her to tell, exactly, but she was pretty sure all three combatants were vampires. Granted, they sometimes fought among themselves, but three of them going at it out in the open in the cemetary wasn't usually the way it was done.

She'd only been watching from the shadows for a moment, not sure whether to get in the middle of it, when the tallest of the three—the one she'd already noticed because he'd quite obviously had the most hand-to-hand training in life—shoved one into a splintered tree branch, and drove a stake back into the chest of the other. Both promptly dusted, leaving the tall one alone.

Wait. A _stake_?

That was when he turned, and the moonlight fell across his face. Buffy recognized him even before his face had shifted back to normal. She stepped out of the shadows on impulse, but once she'd done it she was frozen in place, because she didn't know what to say.

Beyond the _relief_ she didn't know what she felt, either.

Giles saw her after a moment, but he didn't say anything either. He just looked at her, imploringly, as if waiting for some sort of permission to speak.

So Buffy smiled at him, and that much came easily. "Hey."


	13. Chapter 13

Okay, so this weekend was especially busy what with prom and the Easter cantata at church and everything, but I'm back now, and here's the next chapter. It's longer than usual, which is good anyway since it took a little longer than usual to get thios chapter out. I'm not sure how it's going to go from now on, since I start working today. We'll see. I'll still update as regularly as I possibly can. :) Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and please do let me know what you think. Thanks! Have a great week!

Chapter 13

"Hey," Buffy smiled, and it seemed genuine enough. Giles could read the relief on her face, too, and he felt a fresh pang of guilt over what he'd done in running away.

"Hello," he answered hesitantly.

Then she came at him and hugged him tightly, and some of the uncertainty melted away as he returned the embrace. He couldn't bring himself to say anything yet to break the spell, so they were both silent until Buffy let go and looked up at him with an expression carved as much in anxiousness as in curiosity and joy.

"When did you get back?" she asked.

"Um, last night...but it was very late; early morning, really. I was sure you'd be home asleep."

She frowned. "You were home all day and you didn't call?"

"Well, it...it didn't seem like something that-that should be done over the phone. I was looking for you, just now, though I'm not certain what I was planning to do about the others..."

Buffy smirked a little. "You won't have to worry about that."

He looked at her curiously. "I won't?"

That was when Xander burst around the other side of the same hedge from which Buffy had stepped out of the shadows. The boy had a crossbow in hand. "Let me at 'em!" he cried in classic form.

But he stopped short when he saw the two of them standing there, and Willow ran into him from behind. Oz was next, and managed to stop in time, but in the process stepped on Willow's foot. In the end Xander had been knocked to the ground, Willow was hopping on one foot, Oz was apologizing and holding her up, and then all three of them stilled and fell silent to stare at Slayer and vampire.

Buffy was trying to contain her laughter, but Giles could only stare uncomfortably. The so-far warm welcome from his Slayer was no guarantee that he would get anything similar from these three.

"Like I said," Buffy choked. "You won't have to worry about finding them."

"Giles," Willow said, almost incredulous. She'd cut her hair, he noticed. It was shoulder-length now, instead of halfway down her back as usual.

Rupert didn't know what to say. "Willow..." He cleared his throat. "Is, um, your foot alright?"

She shook it out a little and get it down gingerly. "Yeah. It's fine."

"Sorry," Oz said again.

"It's okay, sweetie," she answered absently.

Xander climbed slowly back to his feet. "So. The Watchers' Council's one and only vampire member returns, huh?"

Giles noticed the weapons in their hands, and looked at Buffy in confusion. "They're all on patrol with you?"

She had since stopped giggling, and was quite serious now. She looked him in the eyes. "It hasn't been easy, Giles. They needed to feel like they were doing something, and _I_ needed to remember I wasn't alone."

He would have expected to hear something accusatory in that statement, and he wouldn't have blamed her for it, but there was nothing remotely like that there. Somehow, that only made him feel worse. He swallowed hard.

"I'm sorry," he said eventually, breaking the silence.

Buffy looked at him kindly. "I said it wasn't easy; I didn't say we didn't do okay. It's been pretty quiet around here this summer anyway, for Sunnydale—just your typical vamps and a couple of minor demon problems. I mean, we missed you...a lot. But we were okay."

He shook his head. "I'm glad. But that doesn't change the fact that I left. I abandoned my duty as your Watcher. That was wrong of me."

Oz took a step forward and partially raised a hand to gain attention. "Sure, but, you know, like Buffy said after you left...you did _die_, and that changed a lot for you. That would be a lot for _anybody_ to deal with, and I'm speaking from experience on the suddenly-being-not-quite-human front. It's pretty scary. And this is me talking." Willow nodded silently in agreement, and took his hand when he shrugged and stepped back beside her again. "So that's my two cents."

"Thank you," Giles said after a moment, because he meant it. Such a speech from the young werewolf was rare, and in this case appreciated. "Thank you, but...still, I hope you'll accept my apology—all of you. I'm afraid it's all I have to offer. I was selfish, and I'm sorry."

Buffy's face clouded. "What was selfish was what we did to you."

"Buffy, we've been over this—"

"I know," she said quickly, and shrugged a bit. "I'm just putting things in perspective. No one really has much moral advantage over anyone else here in everything that happened two months ago."

Rupert nodded wearily. He was more than happy to be here, with them again, but it was clear this wasn't going to be easy. Buffy and Oz, as of now, seemed to be more understanding, accepting, but Xander and Willow had yet to say anything else. Their silence hurt. He didn't know what they were thinking, and it pained him to think what it might be.

When he didn't say anything aloud in answer, Buffy continued, looking at him closely. "So...are you okay?" she asked gently.

He hesitated, but he answered. "I am...better than I was," he finished. "Perhaps even much better. It's very hard to explain beyond that," he admitted.

She smiled briefly, and took his arm and squeezed. "It's a start."

That was when Xander cleared his throat, and finally spoke again. "So, what? The Watcher's back on the clock?"

Giles winced, and glanced down at his Slayer. "If...Buffy will still have me, I'd like nothing more."

Now she really did grin. "I don't think I have much choice. What the hell _else _would you do?" He blinked, not quite sure how to take that, and she laughed. "I'm kidding, Giles. Come on, you know we want you here._ I _want you here. I'm sure more than one of us told you this."

"Yes, well, that was before I—"

She let go of his arm and her hands went to her hips. "I swear, I will kick your ass if you bring up the leaving thing again. We know you feel bad and that nothing we say is really gonna change that, so why re-hash it? There's been too much re-hashing recently. I'm re-hashed out."

"I suppose that would be your way of telling me that at the moment you would rather 'move on,' as it's said?"

She let out a breath as she dropped her arms. "Yeah, I guess so. Sorry if I'm speaking in gibberish, but you did catch us off guard here."

Xander shrugged. "Yeah, cause, see, we had all these ideas about, you know, what we'd do when you came back—like something cool. Only, we haven't had time to decide between one brilliant plan or the next, so we're kind of planless. Completely planless, really."

Giles answered almost sheepishly. "It's quite all right...I certainly never expected anything." He glanced over his shoulder, and then at his watch. "But it isn't very late at all. You're all more than welcome at my apartment, if you'd like."

They all seemed to relax, maybe glad that the decision of what on earth to do now had been taken out of their hands. Again he felt a stab of guilt for leaving them, and for coming back like this. He really had no better explanation for any of it than what he'd already told them, either in the letter he'd left or now...and he felt bad about that, too. He knew he'd made the right decision in returning, but he also knew he had a few things to make up for no matter what the circumstances surrounding his leaving.

"So you're staying?" Willow asked suddenly. It was the first thing she'd said since assuring him that her foot was all right.

Rupert blinked at her in surprise, and there was silence for a moment as they _all_ looked at him, in anticipation of his answer. "Yes. I'm staying," he said sincerely.

Willow smiled weakly. "Good."

* * *

With the immediate future suddenly looking much brighter than it had an hour ago, Buffy had quickly settled on being happy. No, nothing was going to be perfect, or the same, but that didn't matter. After the summer they'd had, she didn't want to focus on the small things. Giles was back, and he was staying, and that was what mattered.

Oz seemed to get that, too, and his own level of understanding probably helped there. His thoughts had been made clear just a few minutes ago, but Buffy still wasn't sure about Willow and Xander. Both of them had cheered up more by the time they reached Giles's place though, joining in the light conversation they'd all taken up on the way there, and she decided not to worry about it for now.

Giles's apartment looked the same as it had the last time they'd stopped by for something, except that now there was a coat on the rack by the door, and a few things that had been missing before had now been returned. Once they were all inside Giles headed for the kitchen, talking over his shoulder.

"I did pick up a few things on the way back. Would any of you like anything?"

Buffy followed him, looking around the corner into the kitchen as he opened a cupboard. "You bought teenager food?" she asked, eyebrows going up when she saw the snacks on the shelves beside the usual tea that had hadn't been there before.

"Well it seems that any meetings we have may now have to take place here, and I _was_ a teenager once. I am well aware one cannot frequently host them without sufficient offerings at hand."  
She smirked a little, and leaned on the kitchen doorframe. "You missed us, didn't you?"

Giles paused, and she thought she saw him swallow. He definitely blinked a couple of times, at least. "Very much," he said quietly. He looked at her thoughtfully and told her, "It didn't take me long at all to realize I didn't want to be gone. What took time was being able to come back."

Now she smiled at him softly. "I'm glad you did. I mentioned that, right?"

She wasn't sure whether he was about to say something else, but that was when they heard Xander calling from the main room. "What was that about food?"

Giles chuckled, and handed her a package from the cabinet to bring out to the others. She gladly took the cookies and returned to the couch. However, it was full and she perched on the arm instead. "Food here," she announced, handing it over.

"Nice," Xander said enthusiastically.

When Buffy glanced up, Giles was still in the kitchen. It looked like he was putting on a pot of tea, and she smiled to herself.

At least _that_ would never change.

He came out after a minute, and he didn't sit just yet but he did take one of the cookies from the package that the others had set on the coffee table. Buffy swallowed a mouthful of one of her own, and watched him, wondering just what 'better' meant. She knew only time would really tell if he was all right, but she wished she could know now.

No one said anything else until Xander spoke up tentatively. "So...what's that like, anyway? The whole...eating thing, since you, like, you know, don't need it and all..."

Giles didn't seem particularly surprised by the question, but neither did he seem completely comfortable as he rested his arms on the back of the chair he stood behind and contemplated the half-eaten cookie in his hand.

"Not that you _have_ to go into that, if you don't want to," Willow added quickly, shooting Xander a slantwise glance.

"Right," he agreed immediately. "Sorry, I was just—"

"It's all right. I was...merely deciding how to answer. It's rather difficult to explain."

"Ah..."

Buffy still didn't think he was completely okay discussing it, but he went on, and they didn't stop him. Maybe he needed to make himself talk about it, to help get closer to the being-okay thing. He seemed to want to do it, maybe for that reason or for another one, so they didn't stop him.

He shrugged, almost to himself, and slowly moved around to sit in the chair instead of standing behind it. "I suppose it's not that it tastes _different_, because it doesn't really. I long suspected that anyway; otherwise I doubt there would often be so many empty food containers scattered about vampire nests. It's only that it's different, in a much more general sense. It um...it doesn't fulfill any real physical need anymore, so...different, not as satisfying, in a way, as it used to be, but not unpleasantly."

Giles sighed. "Other than that, you couldn't really understand, and I will be perfectly happy if you never do." They all murmured agreement, and he moved on, glancing around once.

"I take it Cordelia is elsewhere for the summer?"

"Yep," Xander confirmed. "The parents carted her off again, to some resort or something, and of _course_ she couldn't take _me_ because her parents don't_ know _about me. How's that for a guy's self-confidence?"

"Don't take it the wrong way, Xand. There's probably just no point in telling her parents. Those two might not notice if she up and eloped," Buffy commented.

"Maybe that's why we manage to sort-of get along, against all odds—the whole disinterested parents thing."

Willow's mouth pressed into a fine line as she crossed her arms and sank back into the couch. "And in that club, there are three."

She'd never really noticed it much before, and she doubted the others noticed now, but this time Buffy couldn't help seeing the distressed look on Giles's face when the others talked about their parent troubles. She couldn't help realizing all over again how much he cared about them all.

The conversation moved on again, and Giles asked about the 'minor demon problems' she'd mentioned earlier. That led to a funny story or two, which improved the mood considerably, and at some point the tea was done and Giles disapppeared for a moment and came back with a tray. After that it was a while before they realized how late it had gotten.

Xander grabbed another cookie on the way out. "Love these things."

"I thought you particularly liked them," Giles said.

"Oh yeah?" he blinked, surprised. "How'd you know?"

"Because you always had them in the library even after he kept telling you not to eat in there," Willow told him bluntly.

Xander gave a guilty laugh, and sheepishly looked back at Giles. "Oh. Yeah. Sorry about that."

He and Willow and Oz cleared out, and Buffy was about to do the same.

"Buffy?"

"Yeah?"

"Just a moment?" Giles asked.

She shrugged and shut the door. "Sure. What is it?"

He stood, hands in his pockets, studying her. "I just wanted to ask how things are with your mother. I hope the two of you are still getting on all right."

"We are," she assured him. "I mean...it's not perfect, but I don't guess anything is. She doesn't...pretend she never heard any of it, but at the same time I can tell she doesn't want to hear the gory details. Ever. She's my mom, you know? I guess if she can't keep it from happening she doesn't really want to hear a whole lot about how I'm always in danger."

He nodded slowly. "It's understandable," he said, and then hesitated. "Does she know?"

Buffy's eyebrows went up. "About...you mean, what happened to you?"

"Yes..."

She shook her head. "No, I uh...she had a lot to deal with already, and I didn't know if you'd be okay with her knowing anyway, so I just...didn't. Not yet."

"I suppose it's your decision. She is your mother; now that she knows you're the Slayer, I wouldn't ask you to hide anything else from her."

"I know...and I don't want to. It's just that I think I need to wait for the right time for this one."

"All right. Well...please do tell her that I'm still more than willing to speak with her; or if there is anything else I can do..."

"Don't worry; I'll let you know," Buffy agreed.

"Good."

"Same goes for you," she said.

He smiled gratefully. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. And hey, if you want to do something, see if you can find out who the hell the school is hiring for the library; from what I've heard, if it's the sub they got at the end of last year, I promise you I will shoot myself. Seriously. I know I've made fun of you, but actually you're probably the coolest librarian I've known in my admittedly short life and limited experience with librarians." She paused. "Okay, you totally don't have to say anything to any of that; I'm not sure where I was going with it. Anyway...we'll be around, okay? Recently it's usually all or most of us out there at night, so..."

"I will keep that in mind," Giles nodded.

"Great." Buffy looked at him for another moment, just to be sure he was really there, and then let herself out happily.

* * *

Joyce Summers was up and in the kitchen the next morning, and though it was early it was the smell of breakfast that lured Buffy downstairs.

"Wow," she commented when she saw the sheer amount of freshly cooked food. "I thought we got over the regular-big-gestures phase a few weeks ago."

Her mother scraped a fresh pan of bacon onto a plate and finally turned the stove off before she twisted to looked at her daughter. "Buffy! Good morning." She swept a gaze over everything she'd cooked, and sighed. "I know. I just woke up and couldn't get back to sleep."

"You couldn't have read a book?" Buffy smirked. Joyce shrugged, and Buffy grabbed a plate and started to load it up. "We may need reinforcements," she concluded after a moment. There were pancakes and bacon and scrambled eggs and sausage. She hadn't even been aware there was this much breakfast food in the house at all.

"Knowing your friends, I doubt finding volunteers to help would be a problem," Joyce said.

"True."

Buffy sat down and dug in, and didn't pause until her mother spoke up again.

"Well you're chipper this morning."

She didn't know she was humming to herself until she stopped to answer. "Hmm?" She chewed and swallowed. "Oh, sorry. Song stuck in my head, I guess."

"It doesn't bother me. I was just wondering what's got you in such a good mood."

"Well Giles got back last night. Other than that, nothing's new."

"Oh he did? How is he doing?" Joyce asked. "Did he ever say what it was that came up that he had to go back to England so suddenly?  
Buffy hesitated, trying to decide how best to answer that and wishing she'd come up with a better excuse for Giles's absense all summer. "Uhm...not exactly, but he's doing okay."

"I see. Well it's good he got back when he did. I'm not sure what it is school librarians have to do to get ready for the school year, but he should have just enough time to do it."

She winced. "Yeah, Mom, about that...see, he's uh...not gonna be working at the school anymore."

Joyce blinked, confused. "Why not?"

Yeah, why not? Why not in a reason that she could tell her mother right now?

"There's just, like, no reason to, I guess. I mean, the job was more a cover than anything, sort of. He _is_ more than qualified and all, but working at Sunnydale High was a way to make being around to help me out with the whole Slaying thing easier. Now though, you know about it too, and um...we need to focus more on training, I guess? He gets paid by the Watchers' Council, so he doesn't _need_ the other job, so...yeah." Buffy grimaced, knowing the explanation was rather lacking. But she'd mentioned the Slayage deal, and that seemed to have the desired effect of turning her mother off to the topic.

"Oh."

Joyce went back to eating, and Buffy let out a quiet breath of relief. She would have left it at that, but the masked looked on her mother's face made her want to say something else.

"Mom...don't worry about it, okay? Besides, the more training I have, the safer I'll be anyway."

Her mother's smiled was a little strained, but the thought did seem to relax her some. "I guess that makes sense."

Buffy smiled back as reassuringly as she could, and when she'd finished eating she went around the kitchen island to give her mother a good hug before she left for the day.

* * *

After Buffy had left that first full night he was back, Giles had an idea. After thinking it over all day, the only conclusion he could come to was that he had to try, or he might very well be sorry later. He spent the week planning, wondering if it could really work. It took long enough to accomplish the first step, and finally he realized that he couldn't do the rest alone.

On the evening six days after his return to Sunnydale, Rupert headed out to the cemetary as soon as it was dark enough. He found Xander already there, waiting on a concrete bench. It wasn't the first time since that first night that he'd seen the boy. The children had come by most days, giving him updates on patrols and just being there. Any leftover awkwardness was slowly fading, though the largest part of it was still coming from Willow.

He hoped to accomplish what he'd apparently set out to do, and do something about _that_ at the same time.

"Oh, hey," Xander said eventually, once he'd noticed Giles was there. "Buffy's not here yet, if you're looking for her. I just didn't have much else to do; I'm usually here early."

"I was counting on that. I was looking for _you_, actually," he said.

The boy's eyebrows went up. "Me, huh? Low standards, dontcha think?"

"Xander, please."

"Okay, okay. What's up?"

Rupert waited a moment before answering, wondering if he really was a little crazy, and took the other end of the bench.

"I know I may not be in much of a position to ask, but I was hoping you might be open to helping me with something—a uhm...project, if you will. I know Willow's expertise would be needed as well, and Oz is more than welcome to help if he wishes..."

It took Xander a moment to draw the first conclusion. "But not Buffy."

"No. Not Buffy. "

"Are you by chance going to tell me what this project _is_?"

"Of course. Just not here." He asked if Xander could perhaps come with Willow and Oz to his place the next day, and the young man shrugged.

"Uh, yeah. Sure. I guess."

"Excellent."

Xander smirked at him. "Did you just say 'excellent?'"

"I did. Is there something wrong with that?"

"Nah, just asking."

Giles was still contemplating whether or not Xander had just playfully insulted him when Buffy appeared. She brightened immediately when she saw them, and when she focused on him in particular.

"Hey! You finally decided to join us?"

He shrugged and pulled a stake from his pocket as he stood. "I suppose I've done enough settling back in. I didn't see why not." He made a general motion to the cemetary around them. "Shall we?" The smile she gave him was one of the most rewarding he'd ever received from her.

"We shall."

With three of them it didn't make sense to spilt up, so they stuck together for the night's patrol. There was only one scuffle, and onlytwo vampires. Buffy dusted one almost immediately, and Xander got in the other one's way when it tried to split. Boy and vampire dropped in a tangle of arms and legs, and Rupert pulled the vampire off of Xander and grappled with it for a moment until he had the right angle to get the stake in.

The demon dusted, and Giles decided immediately that he very much liked being out here, able to do more to keep his Slayer and her friends safe than simply train Buffy.

They finished their sweep, and doubled back, and when they made it back to the bench where they'd started, nothing else had happened.

Buffy sighed. "Not much action, but I would call that fun."

"Uh huh. _You_ get tackled by a vampire twice your size and see how fun it is," Xander complained. "Nice save there, by the way. Sweet moves, G-man."

"What have I told you about calling me that? And you seem to fail to remember that I had to be trained to fight if I was to train a Slayer. Before it was simply that Buffy's Slayer strength and insticts gave her an unfair advantage that often rather...made me look quite ridiculous."

"Oh, come on. I'm the _Slayer_. I've _still _got the advantage. I could totally take you right now."

Giles looked at her pointedly. "Don't be so certain."

"What, you don't think I could take you?" she asked teasingly.

"I honestly don't know, and we won't find out now. It will have to wait until we've begun training again."

Buffy huffed in mock aggravation. "And when will _that_ be?"

"The summer is almost over as it is; you might as well enjoy it. We can design some sort of schedule once you've passed your make-up exams and settled into your senior year," he answered.

"I have to _wait_?"

Watcher-mode was coming back easily. "Patience is a—"

"If you finish that cliché, I will hurt you," she smirked. Apparently, also making an easy return was her particular brand of not listening to him. But that was all right. She had always paid attention where it really counted, and that was what was important anyway.

* * *

Xander and Willow showed up just after noon the next day, but no Oz.

"He had band practice," Willow explained.

"Oh, well, that's all right. I'm sure the two of you can fill him in later."

"So what is this about?" Xander questioned.

It was all on the desk, and he showed them. At first they looked at him as if maybe he were crazy, and he didn't blame them at all. "I know it's...well..."

There was silence for a long moment, but then Xander grinned and said, "Let's do it."

It wasn't long before the boy left for the store to start in on gathering what they'd need, leaving Willow to go over the pages Giles had written and begin to sort out her part in this.

"If it's too complicated, you need only say so. This was quite a long shot anyway. If you don't think you could write a program that could do something like that..." Rupert said eventually.

She'd been frowning at the paper in her hands, but now she looked up. "What? Oh! No, it's not a problem. I can do it. It might take some time, but I can do it. I'll do it," she said quickly. She seemed decidedly uncomfortable about something, and he wished he knew why.

Giles paced away for a moment, but it wasn't long before he was back. "Willow, is something bothering you?"

"No," she said defensively.

"Willow..."

"Really. Nothing." She glanced at the handwritten ideas. "This is good. I like it. I really hope we can make it work."

"But...?"

"But nothing." Rupert hesitated a moment, but he crouched beside the desk chair that she was sitting in. She looked at him anxiously. "What?"

He wasn't sure he wanted to know, but she had barely said anything directly to him all week. "Willow, are you...are you angry with me? I would understand; it's more than justifiable. I'm not asking for anything but that you tell me if that is the case..."

Her eyes widened, and she answered immediately. "No! No, Giles, god no. It's not you at all," she said quickly.

"Then what is it?"

Her mouth opened, but nothing came out at first. "It's...me." Swiftly she stood and took several steps away, her back to him now. "God..."

Giles stood, frowning in concern. "Willow?"

He could tell that her arms were crossed tightly now, and she wouldn't look at him. After a moment she spoke again, quietly. "Buffy and Xander both got to really talk to you at-at least once, before you left, but I never did, and I—I mean, all summer, I didn't know if—what you—" Abruptly she spun to face him, her arms still tight around herself and her expression braced for the worst. "Do you hate me?" she asked suddenly.

He nearly gaped at her. "Of course not—"

"No! Be honest, okay! I can take it. I just need to know the truth. Cause...if you did I know you would never just say anything if I wasn't demanding that you say so, because you're not like that. You'd be nice anyway. So I'm demanding. Tell me the truth."

"Willow, why on earth would I ever hate you?" he asked incredulously.

She looked up at him guiltily, and then at the floor, and he thought she was blinking back tears. "Because I was the one who did the spell. It's my fault you're stuck like this. I-I did it."

Rupert stared at her for a moment, trying to make sense of it. "Is that why you've acted like you have since I returned? You were afraid I was angry?"

She nodded miserably, and her words started to tumble out a in a nervous rush. "I know what you said...right after...I mean, I remember that you said you weren't angry. But...I never really got to talk to you again, and I wasn't sure for myself that you weren't just saying that to make us feel better, and I know Buffy tried to take all the responsibility but it was easy to believe you weren't mad at _her_ because _I _was the one who did it. I could have said no. I could have refused, and you—you could have just been...you know, gone, and maybe you'd be with Miss Calendar somewhere now, which you probably would have wanted, and oh _god_ now I'm just making you feel worse!"

Willow's hands clenched the side of her head and she groaned. "Oh god I'm horrible. I'm horrible," she cried. Without any further warning she broke down into sobs, and Giles moved quickly around the chair she'd abandoned to pull her into his arms.

"Willow, no. Of course you aren't."

"I never meant to hurt you," she sobbed. "I—I'm sorry. I'm sorry..."

"I know. Shh. It's all right."

"You d-don't hate m-e?" she managed.

"I could never hate you. I honestly don't know where you could have gotten such an idea," he told her kindly. After a moment he added quietly, "I don't blame any of you for this. Though I thought I'd said that."

He heard her swallow as she calmed. "I guess you kind of did..."

"Please believe me. I meant it."

She laughed uncertainly, but still she didn't let go of him. "So...we're okay?"

"As far as I was concerned, unless you were still angry about my leaving we were never _not_, um, okay."

Finally she pulled back, but just enough to look up at him. "I was sad...and, okay, a little mad for a while, but I get it. You know, what I could ever get of it, anyway. I'm not mad anymore. I'm just glad you're here." Then she let go, and glanced back at the now-scattered papers on the desk. "I really do want to help, too. I think it's a great idea. Buffy'll be ecstatic."

Giles relaxed, and smiled at her easily. "I would be more than glad of your help. Actually, I'm quite certain it couldn't be done without you."

Willow smiled back tentatively. "Are you trying to make me feel all important?"

He rested a hand on her shoulder for a moment. "You _are_ important. You have talents that have _always_ been useful to Buffy and to the rest of us, and more than that you are my friend. I can promise that while I was away I thought of you just as much as I thought of Buffy or Xander."

"Awww..." she trailed sheepishly, looking away for a moment. When she looked up again she studied him in amusement, and yet managed to be completely serious at the same time. "I think this whole being dead thing is just turning you into an old softie."

He shrugged and shoved his hands into his pockets. "True or not, considering that I was spared remaining a soulless beast that would undoubtedly have wreaked a good bit of havoc, I suppose I can live with it."

Willow hugged him again, spontaneously. It was brief, happy, but when she pulled back her smile dissolved for a few seconds. One of her open hands paused over his chest, for just a long enough moment that they both knew it wasn't an accident. It pressed there just for a second, over the heart that was no longer beating, and pain flickered across her face. Her thoughts were easy enough to decipher without asking.

_I just wish we'd never had to choose. _

He sighed inwardly. _So do I._

But all of it had happened. It really had. And the children had made their choice. Now he was determined to make the best of it.

Willow eventually spoke again. "Come on," she said, and her voice cracked even though she forced up the corners of her mouth again. "Let's uh...let's get this figured out."

Giles cleared his throat and nodded. "Yes. Though I don't know how much I can help; I still know very nearly nothing about computers."

"We still need to fix that." She paused. "Unless, you know, you don't want to—if it, uh...reminds you too much...of..."

"No," he said quietly. "Quite the opposite, actually. I would like to learn, as annoying as I'm certain it will be. Or rather, I don't necessarily _want_ to, but..."

"I know what you mean," Willow told him gently. "It's okay; I'll teach you anything you want me to."

"There will be time for that later," he said, changing the subject. He wanted to remember her, to do something that would let him feel closer to her, but he didn't want to think about Jenny now, right this moment, when he was trying to make things better. No matter how much better life in Sunnydale ever became, it could never include her again. It still hurt.

"Right," Willow said quickly. "Working on program. I'm on it."

"Thank you."

She nodded and sat down again, searching for a pencil and grabbing one from the the basket at the the top. She went to work, and that was when Xander returned, bags in hand. He carried a small cardboard box, too, which he promptly brought to the desk and opened.

"I took the liberty of aquiring fresh junk food," he explained, proud of the doughnuts he'd provided. "There's only three of us, so I didn't get too many, but yes there are a couple of jellies in there, Giles. Anyway, I just thought we could use 'em. Just like old times and all that. Though I'd love to know why we always had doughtnuts in the library when we worked late but you didn't want me bringing in my cookies."

"They have considerably more potential for a mess, and you usually had them during school hours rather than when we were staying to research. There is quite a bit of difference."

"Semantics," Xander grumbled. "I will never understand the minds of school faculty."

* * *

Buffy spent the night before the first day of school at Willow's house. They planned to start their first day of senior year together. It seemed fitting, especially considering that Buffy was lucky to be starting school in Sunnydale this year at all. The sleepover had been Willow's idea, and strangely enough they actually managed to get to sleep at a decent time.

She'd never been here on a school night before, but Willow being Willow Buffy expected that maybe she'd be roused awake a little earlier than usual. Maybe her brainy friend even studied _before_ school, or something. She did _not_ expect to be woken up a full hour before usual and all but dragged to the high school.

"Will, what are we doing?" she protested groggily. Thank god she'd been forced to pick out her clothes the day before, since she wasn't going to be home this morning. Her hair was holding it's own, too, but it could be better.

"We're meeting Oz and Xander before school. Maybe Cordelia if she got back in time for Xander to call her and let her know. I told you this twenty minutes ago when we were getting ready."

"It's the first time in more than two months I've been up this early. Actually, I'm never up this early. Excuse my brain for not processing well. And why are we meeting the guys before school? We'll see them—or Xander, anyway. "

"Actually, Oz kind of failed. He finally told me all of two days ago. He'll be at school too."

"But isn't he loike a genius or something."

"He didn't go to class."

"Ah..."

"Anyway, I know, but we just thought we should do this. This year is going to be, you know, a little different, so...we wanted to be ready, I guess. Start off together."

"So pretty much the same reason I spent the night at your house in the first place."

"Yeah."

Buffy let out a frustrated breath as she followed her best friend around the side of the school. "And I was not informed of everyone else's involvement _why_? Where the hell are we going, anyway?"

Willow pulled open a door and ushered her in. "This is the only unlocked entrance this early."

"Locks not a problem for me, you know."

"Well of course not, but I hardly think after what happened in May that you need to start off this year with a felony," Willow teased.

"Okay...that's of the definate; I'll give you that one."

Buffy followed as the other girl led, but when she realized where they were going she stopped. "Willow..."

Her friend stopped and glanced back. She smiled sympathetically, because she must have known. "Don't worry; it's okay."

"But...I don't know if I wanna..."

"It's okay," Willow repeated. With that she took Buffy's arm and led through the library's doors.

Buffy noticed immediately that something was...off. Then she realized that she'd expected most of the lighting to be coming from the windows and skylight, as it usually did during the day. The lights worked just fine, but they'd never been used much during daylight hours. Now though, they were all on, and there were curtains on the high windows. There was no sun coming from the skylight, either, but she didn't have time to look up to figure out why before she noticed Xander, Cordelia, and Oz by the tables.

The boys were grinning like idiots, strange for Oz, and Cordelia looked a little bewildered and unhappy to be up so early, but she seemed decidedly happy too.

Buffy stopped and blinked in confusion. "What...?"

Willow let go of her arm and went to stand with the others and take Oz's instead. She was grinning now, too.

"You'd better be happy," Xander told her. "We've been working on this for like a week."

She had no idea what he meant. "I don't get it." It was too early. She should have made the connection immediately.

Instead, she didn't get it until Giles stepped from the library office, fully decked out in his usual tweed.


	14. Chapter 14

Okay, I know this chapter is a little short considering the length of the last one, at least, but it's that way because it's sort of transitional. That, and I started working this week and was getting used to it and slept a lot when I wasn't working and didn't write a word since the last update until last night. But don't worry; it won't be like that from now on. This coming week I'll have school too, but I don't work every day or anything. So nobody freak out; there should still be at least a chapter a week, I promise.

Anyway, please do continue to review if you're still liking it and want me to update as quickly as I can. :) Thanks so much ya'll! I hope you enjoy the chapter, and have a great week!

Chapter 14

Giles had arrived before the sun rose, of course, and not much later Xander had trailed inside, rubbing groggily at his eyes but smiling to himself. He dragged with him an equally tired Cordelia Chase, who was complaining about how he'd woken her up while she was trying to get to sleep the night before after returning home from the vacation she'd been on with her parents all summer.

She stated loudly more than once how much she didn't want to be awake at this hour, but Rupert knew that if she'd really wanted not to come, she wouldn't be here. The girl had begun to grow up in the past year or so, no matter how she tried to cover for it, and somehow he understood that she cared—about him, and about Buffy and the others, and especially for Xander. It was good to know.

Oz had arrived a little later, and Giles was in his office absently straightening his desk and wondering yet again if he was crazy, when he heard the Willow lead his Slayer into the library. When he turned he saw Buffy standing there, staring at her friends without comprehension.

He didn't know how else to make all of this clear than to come out of the office.

"I don't get it," she was saying.

Then she saw him, and anything else she might have said was quickly swallowed as she stared at him, open-mouthed now. "Giles?" she managed finally.

"As far as I know."

"He got his job back!" Willow burst suddenly, unable to contain her excitement.

Buffy was still staring at him. "You _what_?"

He cleared his throat. "I um—yes. That. It was not my idea of fun convincing Principal Snyder to allow me to return, but in the end there were simply no other candidates quite as qualified."

Though in the end, it had actually taken a bit of a subtle threat, but there was no reason for them to know that. It was bad enough that their principal was a coward at heart, and he was rather ashamed that it had come to that at all. He took comfort in the fact that he never would have shoved the little rat of a man into the file cabinet in the first place if this had only been for himself. Instead, he'd been thinking of Buffy with this whole wild idea from the beginning.

Giles supposed he was just lucky that the principal sometimes worked late enough that he'd been able to stop by in person at all. Otherwise, it was likely none of this would have been possible.

"And once he had _that_ straightened out, he came to us—last week," Xander said proudly. "We've been working on sun-proofing the library ever since."

"It actually took a good deal of thought," Oz commented. "It was a pretty enlightening exercise."

"No, I'd say it was more of a_ de_-lightening exercise," Xander joked.

"Oh please," Cordelia snorted.

Buffy licked her lips briefly and frowned in utter confusion. She glanced up at the covered skylight, lost.

"It's just a tarp," Xander told her. "A heavy-duty one. It was kinda fun though; Oz and I got to get up on the roof to do that a couple days ago."

"And I was down here," Willow grinned. "I got to tell them if they had it in place and if it was blocking all the sun and stuff. We had walky-talkies and everything. It was cool."

Oz motioned up at the windows. "And then there's, you know, the curtains. Put those with the tarp, and Boom—vampire-safe library."

Xander reached up to squeeze Willow's shoulders for a moment. "We don't even have to worry about anyone that matters wondering too much about the whole tarp thing. Apparently, the skylight began to leak badly at some point over the summer. It's been reported to the repair division."

Willow picked it up from there. "However, the report will mysteriously disappear from their files. They'll forget about it, and they won't send anyone to look at it, and just when they think they imagined the whole thing, here comes an updated report on the aforementioned leaking skylight. Before they can actually send someone to look at it this time though, it'll disappear again. Or maybe they'll get another report saying that the report of the leak was a mistake. Either way, no one will ever get here. Then the cycle starts over again, with plenty of variances along the way. Snyder will be under the impression they're just very slow, if he even cares at all."

"She wrote a computer program that can submit those reports at randomized times and do most of the work for us," Oz said, looking at her appreciatively. "As for making some of them disappear later, well, we all know she has no problem with the hacking."

His girlfriend shrugged. "It's not the best work out there, but I did what I could," she said humbly. "It'll get us through this year, anyway, and that's all we really need since we're all graduating. Giles won't have to work here next year, since you won't be here either," she said to Buffy.

It hadn't taken very long for the other children to run through all of this, especially considering how excited they all were about it, and Buffy had focused on them for a while, looking as if she was trying to understand. Now she turned and looked at him again, bewildered.

Cordelia let out a breath and boosted herself up onto the edge of the table. "I still think every single one of you is nuts. Don't blame me if something happens and all we find in here one day is librarian dust, but what the hell ever." She shrugged. "But keeping Giles around is probably way better than whoever else they'd get, so I won't say anything else."

"That would be a miracle," Xander smirked.

She swatted the back of his head—rather hard, if the sound was any indication—but after he yelped he sidled up beside her and slipped an arm around her waist, and she let him. She put an arm of her own around his shoulders.

What Cordelia had said, however, had finally snapped Buffy out of her silence. She'd glanced at Miss Chase, but now she turned worried eyes on him. "Giles, she's right; you can't do this. It's too dangerous..."

"Buffy, it's going to be fine. I assure you that we have all thought this through as carefully as possible. I admit that nothing is completely fool-proof, and this may not be a perfect plan, but..." Rupert smiled. "We've done the best we can, and I would very much like to to make this work."

She swallowed, and he realized her eyes were misting over. "Why?"

All Giles could do was look at her; he didn't know how to put it into words. He only knew that all of it was for her. She was his Slayer, his charge, his friend...and he would do anything for her. She had made mistakes, but so had he, and none of that mattered now.

Buffy seemed to understand, and as she stared at him she blinked back tears now. "You didn't have to do this..."

He returned her gaze steadily. "Yes, I did."

The others were silent. After a moment or so, they seemed to think it best to leave for now, and they quietly vacated the library. Buffy still hadn't moved, and neither had Giles.

He took a step or two forward, and when he did it she moved, too. He stopped again, and when she came to him and wrapped her arms around him tightly he held on in return. After a little while she pulled back, mopping at her damp cheeks.

"Oh god, look at me. And I told myself I wasn't gonna cry about any of this any more..." But she was smiling even while she sniffed and dried her eyes. "But I guess it's okay, since this isn't sad crying." She looked up at him sheepishly. "Are you sure this is okay? I don't want you putting yourself in any danger or going to too much trouble or anything; I mean, you'll have to get here before sunrise and leave after dark, and..."

"It's quite all right. My schedule was rarely much different before anyhow; I'm afraid I never had much of a social life." Not without Jenny, anyway. Not before her, and not after her, and now never again. He couldn't do that to anyone...No, Buffy and the others were much of his reason for living now. Or whatever it was he was doing, not being technically alive. Seeing as that was the case, this had really been the only sensible thing to do.

She looked away thoughtfully. "What happened to accepting that things are different now?

"They are, and I think we have—to some extent...to enough of one. I believe that's why it's all right to have this much back, of the ways things were," Giles answered quietly. "It can be a comfort now, instead of a hindrance."

"You really think so?" she asked, chewing her lip anxiously.

"I certainly hope so."

Buffy smiled then, and looked at him again. "I hope so, too."

Giles nodded slowly. "Then this is all right?"

With a twinkle in her eyes, she kindly gave his words back to him, from the night he'd come home. "I'd like nothing more."

* * *

Buffy couldn't believe it. Even with Giles back in Sunnydale and acting as her Watcher again, she'd still been anxious about starting school. Now there was nothing to worry about anymore. Little could have made her happier than knowing he would be right here in the library again, just like he always had. It was easy to tell that he'd known that.

She loved him all the more for it.

After another moment she fetched the others back from the hallway, and since they were already there in the library they were able to get their books and beat the usual first-day rush. They couldn't really tell the time of morning by the light, since none of it was getting through, but once the clock indicated that the other students would begin arriving soon if they hadn't already, the gang headed out to greet the first day of senior year.

Buffy stopped just shy of the doors and hesitated a moment, glancing back at the library one more time. It looked a little different, but not much different than it looked usually at night anyway, so that was okay. They would get used to it. Giles was behind the counter now, straightening things underneath it and waiting for the first of the regular students to come through the doors. He paused to smile at her, and she nodded back.

"Good luck." She paused. "You aren't going to wish me luck back?"

"You will pass your make-up exams, Buffy. I have every confidence in you."

She grimaced. "I don't think I have to take those right away though. I think the way Snyder laid it out was I get to start classes and get a couple weeks to study what I missed at the end of last year. Then I take the tests, and of course if I fail I'm history again. Yay me."

"You'll be fine."

She sighed. "Yeah. And hey, you better be fine too. Be careful in here. Just because those curtains are kinda high doesn't mean somebody couldn't mess with them. In the ever-so-eloquent words of Cordelia Chase, the last thing I want to find in here is librarian dust." Now it was his turn to wince. "Sorry...You have no idea how much this means—how great this is...and all...but..."

"I understand," he nodded.

Buffy let out another breath. "Good. So just be careful. If it doesn't seem like this is gonna work, you don't have to keep it up, okay? "

"Buffy—"

"Just so you know."

"Buffy—"

"Not that I don't want you to stay or anything, because I really really do. But only if you can."

Now Giles was starting to get a little flustered with her persistence, and it really was like old times—or like the old times had never stopped, which was really what they were going for here in the first place anyway.

"Buffy, I would appreciate it if you would continue leaving. I do have work to do; this is a job, after all."

She couldn't help smirking at that. "Well excuse _me_; I didn't realize you were grumpy." She laughed and bolted before he could respond to that, and senior year began.

* * *

When Buffy got home that night, she had to first explain to her mother that Giles had changed his mind and _would_ still be working in the library. She quickly added that she would still get plenty of training, and everything would be fine, and Joyce sighed and kissed her forehead.

"All right. Listen, I know I don't really want to talk about this Slayer thing very often, but I love you and I _am_ proud of you. You know that, right?"

With that on top of Giles's return to school, after supper Buffy went up to her room happy. She still had patrol to do a little later, but for now she just wanted to bask. She settled comfortably against the stacked pillows on her bed, and set aside the lingering pain of Angel's death long enough to just let herself be happy.

Then her gaze fell on the top of her dresser across the room, and she frowned and sat up. After a moment she got up and stepped closer to look at the glasses and handkerchief that had been sitting there for almost three months now. When Giles had been gone, having them there had helped—reminded her that he was still out there somewhere, and he'd promised to come back. They helped her remember everything _before_ the last week he'd been with them, and even before Angel had lost his soul and everything had begun to go downhill in the first place.

They'd given her hope.

Now though, Giles was back, and she didn't need them anymore. Not really. So she sighed to herself, knowing what she had to do.

Buffy brought them with her to school the next morning, and she showed up early again— though not nearly as early as the day before, thank goodness. Predictably, she found Giles in his office, and she knocked on the open door.

"Hey."

Her Watcher turned from whatever he's been pouring over. "Oh, Buffy. Good morning." He didn't have to ask how her first day of school had gone, because he'd asked yesterday afternoon, and she'd been able to tell him truthfully that it went just fine. She and Willow and Xander and Oz and Cordelia had all been in here off and on all day yesterday, between classes, and some of them hung for a while after school, too—no different than it used to be, really, minus the sunlight. It felt good. It had been a perfect first day.

Giles reached up toward his face almost out of habit, but there was nothing there and he carefully covered and scratched at his forehead briefly instead of removing nonexistent glasses. Somehow it made Buffy feel better to know that he was still getting used to the lack of them, too.

Thoughtfully, she looked at him for a moment. "So how are you explaining that one, anyway? Contacts?" she asked, letting him know he'd been caught despite his cover.

He blinked at her once, and then sat back in his chair. "No one has bothered to ask, but I suppose that would be the easiest explanation, yes."

Buffy shrugged. "There is surgery now, I think, but no one would believe a librarian would have enough money to get it done, anyway. Even a British one. So...yeah. Makes sense." Giles nodded, almost absently, and she winced as she realized she'd sent him into reflective mode. Oops. She sighed a little and crossed the office to take the extra chair in the corner, and Giles swiveled his chair back around to face her where she was now.

"Did you need something?" he asked.

"No, I uh..." She hesitated a minute, elbows on her knees as she stared at the floor, but then she plunged in. "Look, I don't really know what the hell I was doing there, but...right after you left, I went back to the mansion. Just once." She carefully pulled the glasses and cloth from the school bag over her shoulder. "I found these...and I've had them since then. I don't know if you just, like, want them or whatever, or not, but here. They're not mine, so..."

She set them gingerly on the desk, and Giles looked at them for a long time before he said anything. Finally his eyebrows went up, and he spoke. "Oh...thank you."

But something in his voice made her second-guess herself anyway. "I'm sorry; I didn't know if you—I mean—"

"Buffy," he said gently. "It's all right. Thank you."

"Okay..." She stood, still feeling a little awkward though, and he gave her a smile.

"You don't want to be late for your first class."

She relaxed and smiled back, hoping she'd done the right thing. "Right. Going. Gotta do the whole learning thing."

* * *

Rupert watched Buffy go, glad that she was back in school and hadn't had to miss any of the new school year. It made him happy to see her and her friends happy, and once again he was glad he'd decided to do this after all—coming back to the library.

When he turned back to his desk, though, he saw what she'd left there. The handkerchief didn't matter much, seeing as those were always needed for one thing or another whether one wore glasses or not, but the glasses themselves...well, he wasn't sure how he felt about those yet. He would never need them again, and though part of him was glad to finally be rid of the necessity of wearing them, the rest of him sort of missed it.

For a long while not having them alone had made him feel as if a part of him were missing. He'd begun to get used to it, back in L.A. while he'd been getting used to everything else, too. He'd marveled at not needing glasses to read more easily, and not having to find that perfect distance from his face where everything was perfectly clear—which thanks to the beginnings of age had sometimes been hard to find even with his glasses _on_.

Now the novelty was gone.

Giles picked up the glasses, finally, and after a moment he slipped them on, just out of curiosity. He didn't know if vampires could have headaches, but he suspected that if they could he would quickly develop one if he left them on. Now instead of helping, they only made everything extremely blurry. He winced and pulled them off, and they rested in his hands for a moment. The fact that the glasses he'd had for so long now did they opposite of what they'd done for him before was yet another reminder that he was no longer human, at least physically. He'd thought he was long since over being shocked by the feeling.

Apparently not.

Aware that he was making a face as he did it, Rupert picked up the handkerchief, wrapped the glasses in it, and shut them both away in a desk drawer he rarely used.

* * *

The first two weeks of school passed more or less smoothly and as usual, though Giles still refused to train her until she'd passed her make-up exams. Now that school had started, the others opted out on patrol, but were still thankful she'd let them help out over the summer. That was fine; being alone out there gave her time to think, which was only half as painful as before.

Maybe Giles was back and being in the library again was working out fine so far, but she still missed Angel with an ache sometimes akin to physical pain.

Giles seemed to get that she wanted the thinking time, and didn't join her on patrol that first week. However, the second week he insisted that she study more for her exams, and took patrol over for her completely. She didn't let him do it without plenty of protest, but in the end she relented. He still had every confidence she could pass the tests if she wanted to, he said, but simply passing them shouldn't be enough for her if she could do much better.

She supposed he was right, so reluctantly she spent her nights studying the last week before she was scheduled to to take the make-up exams.

Then, of course, since this was _her_ life, the week had to end with the incident that started with the the mask-from-wherever and the dead cat in the basement that wouldn't stay dead, and ended with an army of zombies.

Yeah, zombies. Brilliant.

The first day of school after that was her first day of exam-taking, and she was in the library before her English test began.

"They give you credit just for speaking it, right?" she wondered aloud, leaning on the counter. She and Willow were the only two students there at the moment, and she and Giles looked at her strangely. "English," she clarified wearily. "Exam this morning."

"Ah," Giles observed. "I'm sure you will—"

"Do fine. I know. Thanks."

"Well you'd better," Willow said, smirking a little. "You spent half of those extra nightly study sessions last week with me, and I would be very depressed if all my hard work was for nothing."

"Don't worry, Will. I'll do my best. As long as we don't have any more distracting zombie hordes taking up my time, I should be fine on most of these tests, anyway." Giles shot her a look, and she amended. "Okay, all of them. I promise." She held up her whole hand, because she didn't remember how many fingers a Boy Scout or Girl Scout salute was supposed to be. She'd never been a Girl Scout, and she'd never had a brother. "Slayer's honor."

She made a face. "Just remind me never to let my mom bring anything home from the gallery again. EVER."

"Yes; that would be advisable," Giles said dryly. He still wasn't over the whole thing, and it was actually kind of funny. Apparently he'd been nearly torn apart in the street by a pack of zombies and had to hotwire his own car to get away because there were too many to fight. Then at Buffy's house he'd almost been skewered with a ski-pole by Cordelia, who almost hadn't recognizied him in time.

Yep, post-adventure debriefings were often half the fun of being a Slayer with friends and family. Hearing all of _that_ stuff after the fact had definitely made her night a whole a lot better.

Bufy laughed some, and scooped her books up from the counter. "Okay, I gotta go."

"Good luck!" Willow called.

Since Willow said it, it gave Buffy the perfect opportunity to turn back and stare expectantly at Giles. Then Willow looked at him too, and he glanced back and forth between them both before he did that sighing thing and wished her luck, too.

"You are perfectly intelligent enough on your own and I'm certain you don't need it, but you do enjoy making me say it anyway, don't you?"

"You bet," she answered cheerfully. She twisted and pushed through the library's double doors. "I'm out, people."

She passed the English exam easily enough, if not quite with flying colors, and it put her in an even better mood the rest of the day. That night Buffy decided to celebrate by not only going to the Bronze with her friends, but dressing up a little to do it.

It was just fine at the beginning—she even discovered that Scott Hope liked her—but then, since it _was_ still her life, things got even more interesting after that. It started with the vamp that never should have left the seventies, though it wasn't long before he was out of the picture.

Then they had Faith.


	15. Chapter 15

Okay, I will have no time to write for the next two or three days, so here's this. It's very long, which is good, though it is pretty much a recap of "Faith, Hope, & Trick." However, things are different of course thanks to whole main idea of this story and all. Don't worry; there'll be plenty of other stuff more original/even more different than what happened in the show. Especially in the sequal. Which you will pretend you didn't just hear me mention because I wasn't going to tell ya'll about that yet. :P

Anyway, I hope ya'll will still enjoy this chapter, and that I hear from you! Thanks so much! Just to be clear, yes, disclaimer here: Some material is taken from the aforementioned episode, and no copyright infringement is intended, etc etc...

Chapter 15

Buffy called Giles from the Bronze, in the back where the pay-phone was, while Xander and Willow and Oz and Cordelia kept Faith busy out in the club. She explained what had just happened, and that they now had another Slayer on their hands again.

"It sounds like she'll go home before her Watcher gets back, but what do we do until then? She's pretty gung-ho with the slay age, and we don't need her telling anyone about you since you've been saying it doesn't need to get back to the council and all. That is, of course, unless she found out and didn't dust you on the spot."

She could almost hear him thinking. "_I dislike being untruthful, but all of that is true. If she doesn't plan to stay long, then I suppose the best course of action would be to not let her know_."

"Yeah, and I would just avoid the subject of you completely, but I had no idea what she was talking about when she mentioned this retreat thing, so she's picked up by now that you're still around. She'll probably expect to be introduced."

"_Don't tell her that I'm employed at your school. She might show up there, and if she's been trained at all she would recognize what's been done in the library immediately_." Buffy could hear it in his voice—that he was serious about hating this sneaking around and hiding things. Unfortunately, they'd just really begun.

"I kinda figured. So what do you want me to do?"

Giles thought for a moment. "_You could ask her to join you for patrol later tonight, or tomorrow night. You could bring here here either before or afterward, and she would have met me. Then perhaps we can avoid my having any further contact with her until she's departed. As much as I would rather like to get to know her, I'm afraid that would be safest_."

She sighed. "Okay..."

When she made it back out to the main floor of the Bronze, Faith still held her friends in rapt attention with her stories. Buffy didn't dislike the girl, but the others seemed to absolutely love her already. It was almost annoying.

Faith was the first to look up when she rejoined the circle. "Welcome back, B. Where'd you run off to?"

Buffy folded herself back into the comfortable chair she'd been using earlier. "Little girls' room. Nothing to be alarmed about."

"Hey, you gotta go, you gotta go."

"Sure..." She told them all that she was about to get going, but asked Faith about patrol. She asked for the next night, because she was still a little thrown off by this whole thing and wanted the extra day before worrying about introducing this new Slayer to her now-rather-unorthodox Watcher.

"Oh, you bet. Where you wanna meet up? I'll be there."

"You've seen the cemetery, right?"

"Of course—gave it a good once-over when I got into town last night."

Buffy would have gone stiff, but she forced herself to keep smiling easily. Giles had been lucky not to run into her out there. "Great. I'll meet you there, near the entrance."

"Awesome."

"Can we come too?" Xander piped up quickly.

She gave him a look, and stood. "Hey, Will, could you come with me for a sec? I need to ask a homework-related question before I get out of here."

Saying that was enough to make Willow realize that she needed to say yes, and the redhead jumped up quickly. "Sure." Buffy waved goodbye to her friends and to Faith, and dragged Willow off o the side near the exit. She had to avoid Scott, who was still waiting near the dance floor in case she wanted to dance. He was a nice guy, and it was cool to know somebody liked her, but...she couldn't handle that kind of attention right now. Boy-girl attention.

"Nobody's mentioned that Giles works at the library at school, right?" Buffy asked quietly.

"No. We haven't really said anything about him at all. I don't think anybody knows what to do about that. Please tell me you were calling him."

"Yeah. We're keeping quiet about the library since she'd definitely sense something fishy right away if she saw it, and I'm taking her to meet him at his place tomorrow night before patrol. After that, we're hoping to keep contact minimal until Faith's Watcher gets back to Boston and she heads home. Hopefully that'll be the end of it."

Willow nodded. "Yeah. That makes sense, I guess."

"That's what I thought. So just make sure to keep the library out of conversation, and if any of you decide to hang out with her in any way, shape, or form tomorrow before she meets me for patrol, make sure to do it _after_ school, and far _away_ from the school."

"Got it. So where are you going now?"

She shrugged. "Some patrol, and then I really am going home to study. I have two tests tomorrow."

"Okay. Good. Studying is good."

Buffy smirked a little, and sent Willow back to the others.

* * *

No one knocked on Giles's door that night, so he assumed Buffy had decided to wait until tomorrow to bring the new Slayer. She confirmed that the next morning, while she sat on the counter in the library between tests.

"Okay....history make-up is out of the way now, and it didn't go too bad. I've got health science to finish out today, and a couple more tomorrow, and then I'm done. Thank god."

Giles nodded from behind the counter, where he was checking in books that had been left in the book drop. "I'm glad to hear the history exam went well. To my chagrin, it has always been one of your weaker subjects."

She looked over her shoulder at him in amusement. "To your _chagrin_? English, please?" He raised an eyebrow at her. "Sorry. American then."

"I only meant that you might accept my help in studying in that area. I did major in history at Oxford, you know."

"Uh huh, but you dropped out. See? Even stuffy people can hate history. Not that you're _really_ stuffy, or anything," she corrected quickly. "Not so much anymore. You know, you've improved."

He raised an eyebrow at her skeptically, but skipped over her last comment in favor of the first. "I did go back. The Watchers' Council wouldn't have had me if I hadn't graduated."

"Yeah I know. Just had to throw that out there." She didn't seem to know whether to smile or grimace. "_Any_way..." But she didn't say anything else, and her lead-in led to nothing but silence for a moment. Rupert kept on with the books, wrestling with the relatively new computer catalog system.

After another minute or so, Buffy spoke up again.

"So what's Faith talking about anyway? You never went to any Watcher retreats in England. As far as _I_know, you haven't been back to England at all since you came to Sunnydale."

"I haven't," he confirmed.

There was silence for another moment, and then from the corner of his eye he saw Buffy seem to freeze. "Oh. God. I'm sorry; I didn't bring to bring all that up—"

Giles set down the last two or three of the books, but didn't quite look at her. "It doesn't matter. Even if I weren't completely unable to attend, what with....most of the activities being the outdoor-type, well...I wouldn't have been going anyway. There _is_ a retreat, every year, in the Cotswold, but um...it's by invitation only."

Buffy frowned. "They didn't invite you?"

"No..."

"Why the hell not?" she protested. "You're_ my_ Watcher, and I'm an active Slayer. If there hadn't been the whole dying-for-two-minutes thing I'd be _the only_ active Slayer, and either way I was definitely first. Doesn't that make you, like, Watcher Prime or something?" She winced. "Oh my god, was that a Transformers reference?"

"What?"

"Never mind. I'll kill Xander later. Anyway, aren't I right?"

He shrugged. It was an uncomfortable subject, but she already knew half of the answer anyway. "You remember what I told you about what happened, when I dropped out of Oxford."

"When you and Ethan and your friends were being pretty stupid and all, yeah. But everybody's stupid sometimes. It happens to the best of us. I mean, _I'm_ certainly not the best of us, but you probably qualify," she answered kindly.

Giles gave her a weak smile in thanks. "Perhaps, but I'm afraid many in the council have never seen in that way. It may have been recognized and acted upon that I was the most ready and qualified to be assigned to the active Slayer, when the time came to send another for you, but that doesn't mean any of them have ever, um...liked me, very much at all. Not since I was twenty-one, anyhow."

Buffy was silent for a while. "I'm sorry," she said quietly, when she did speak.

He went back to checking in the last of the returned books. "You needn't be. I brought it on myself, and I've long since come to terms with that fact that I must take responsibility for my actions." He hoped that would be the end of it and she would go back to studying for her next test, or go looking for the others, or something, but she didn't budge from the counter.

"I know," she said then, gently. "But now you couldn't go even if they did invite you. You haven't had to deal with that part before."

Now he had no more books to check in to keep him partially distracted, so he picked up an armful of them and came out from behind the counter to head up to re shelve them.  
"Buffy—"

He heard her hop off the counter behind him.

"Sorry, but I ended up thinking about it half the night last night. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

Giles only glanced back at her partially, over his shoulder, before he turned away again and headed up the stairs to the stacks. "I'm fine," he lied.

She made a disgusted sound and her footsteps retreated toward the doors. "Okay, their gratitude period over taking care of the police and getting me back in school is _so_ over. Let me know if you ever want me in England kicking some ass, and I am so there."

He would have said something to her, about how saying such things was inappropriate and such, or something along those lines—because being a responsible adult and her mentor meant that he should—but she was gone when he turned around again.

So he smiled.

* * *

The health science exam ended up taking a little longer than she'd thought, and then she waited around for her teacher to grade it, so Buffy got out of school a little later than her friends. Willow had filled her in earlier on what had happened after she'd left the night before, and their plans for the afternoon, though, so she knew where to go looking for them.

She hadn't missed much back at the Bronze. There were more stories, which Willow gushed about a little too much for Buffy's tastes, and then they'd all decided that Faith would meet them at the Expresso Pump after school. Buffy found them all there, laughing as Faith finished yet another of her tales, and she felt a pang of jealousy that she immediately shoved aside as ridiculous.

"Hey gang," she said. There wasn't an empty seat left at the table, and she had to borrow one from the next table and pull it up on her own. Faith, not surprisingly, was seated _on_ the table with her frozen mocha.

"There you are," Xander said enthusiastically. "You have to hear this. Hey Faith, go over that one again."

Buffy held up a hand. "It's okay. I can't stay long; I've still got one more test to go, and I'll be busy tonight with patrol and bringing Faith to meet Giles and everything."

"Going home to study a little more?" Willow asked proudly.

"Yes, but don't think this is turning into a habit or anything." Her friend pouted, and Buffy turned to the other Slayer. "I just needed to tell you that everything tonight is gonna have to start kind of late-ish. I forgot last night that Mom wants me home for dinner." Willow's head popped up, and both she and Xander started making expectant faces at her and giving slantwise glances toward Faith. "To which you are also invited," she added, reluctantly. "Dinner, I mean. At my house."

"Sounds great," Faith accepted. "Dyin' to meet the fam." She took a slurp from her over-processed coffee drink made a satisfied sound. "Wow. That is like the best stuff in the world. My Watcher's British too and all, so she's pretty against coffee most of the time, and the plain stuff is just disgusting—I call it geek juice, myself—but it doesn't get better than this right here."

Oz looked thoughtful. "Are all Watchers British?"

"Every one I've met. Of course that's a grand total of two, so..." Buffy shrugged. "The headquarters is in England, and I know a whole_ lot_ of them are British, but I don't know."

"Huh. Just curious."

Buffy let out a breath and stood. "Okay. I'm going. Can somebody make sure Faith gets to my house about six?" Xander immediately volunteered himself and Cordelia and Cordelia's car, and she smacked his arm, but agreed. "Great. Thanks, Cordy." She made a point of adding that last part, though it was a little out of character, because she felt strangely thankful to Cordelia for being the only one of her friends not seemingly completely seduced by the new Slayer and her humor and her stories and her...her-ness.

She finished studying early, so she took the extra time to let her mother know who and what was coming for dinner. Then she went back into town to see if she could track down her friends and save Cordelia the trouble of driving Faith to her house.

They were _still_at the Expresso Pump. Laughing again.

"Hey, B! Didn't think we'd see you back here so soon. What's up?"

"It's not 'so soon.' That's what's up. It's almost time for dinner."

"Oh, right." Faith jumped down from the table top and picked up her empty cup, but Xander took it from her and threw it away before she could do it herself. "Thanks. Anyway, B, I was just telling your people here how things might have been different if I'd had friends like them in high school. You know, I probably still would have dropped out, but I might have been sad about it."

"Good to know..."

She steered Faith out of the coffee shop, but who should they meet coming in but Scott Hope. Faith smiled at him and stopped, and said she was sure she knew him from somewhere.

Scott looked at her for a moment and then grinned. "Yeah, from the Bronze last night. You know Buffy." Then he _saw_ Buffy. "Obviously."

"Yep, she knows me. And she's leaving. We have dinner with my mother to get to," she said quickly, already starting to pull Faith on again.

"Yeah, sure," Scott said. He watched them go, and Faith looked back at him more than once.

Buffy kept her frustrated sigh to herself.

She knew it was petty, but she wasn't exactly looking forward to having the new Slayer at her house. Her reasons for feeling that way were only re-enforced when Joyce Summers took to the girl right off the bat. Faith went on and on about how she _loved _slaying and how she always kept the attitude that she was going to win, and that was a big part of what made it fun.

"I like that feeling," she concluded.

"Well, sure," Buffy said, not light on the sarcasm. "Beats that dead feeling you get when they win and _you_ lose."

"I don't let that kind of negative thinking in."

"Right," Joyce agreed. "Right. That could get you hurt. Buffy can be awfully negative sometimes," she said, and then looked at her daughter. "See, honey, you gotta fight that."

Buffy forced a smile. "Workin' on it."

Her mother noticed Faith's glass was easy, offered to get her another soda, and disappeared into the kitchen a moment later.

"She's really cool, huh?" Faith said.

"Best mom ever," Buffy said dryly. Not that she _didn't_ have a great mom, but she wasn't in the best mood at the moment. She sat a moment more, and then stood to follow her mom. "Excuse me."

Joyce was pulling a bottle of soda from the refrigerator, and smiled when her daughter walked into the kitchen. "I like this girl, Buffy," she told her.

"She's very personable," Buffy shrugged, taking one of the chairs across the island. "She gets along with my friends, my mom..." She leaned back to get a glance of the other Slayer in the dining room. "Look, now she's getting along with my fries."

"Now Buffy—" Joyce chuckled.

"Plus this afternoon she was making eyes at _my_ not-boyfriend. This is creepy."

"Does anyone else think Faith is creepy?"

"No..." she said sheepishly.

Her mother leaned forward over the island. "You have to give her the benefit of the doubt, Buffy. You don't know her yet. And besides, I don't know how _you_ feel about it, but _I'm_ glad you have help now. Now matter how much training you have, two of you fighting is always safer than one, right?"

"I guess..."

"And you heard her. She loves the slaying. Couldn't she take over for you?"

"Mom, no one can take over for me, and she's not staying anyway. This is just a visit."

"But said Sunnydale is the place with the, um...mouth of hell, or whatever it is, as much as I hate that, but anyway, shouldn't she want to stay here? Isn't this the perfect place for a Slayer?"

"This place _has_ a Slayer, and there's only supposed to be one anyway. This two-Slayer fluke thing doesn't give me the right to not do my duty."

"What do you mean?"

"Mom, the only way you get a new Slayer is when the old Slayer dies..." She trailed off, eyes widening a little when she realized she'd said too much.

Her mother's face went white, and she straightened up slowly. "Then that means you...When did you die? You never told me you died."

"N-no, it...was just for a few minutes," she said as reassuringly as she could, standing.

Joyce came around the island as if trying to get away from her. "Oh I hate this. I hate your life."

"Mom..."

She stopped and looked at her daughter again. "Look, I know you didn't choose this. I know it chose you. I have tried to march in the Slayer Pride parade, but...I don't want you to die."

The look on her mom's face gave Buffy no choice but to hug her right there. "I'm not gonna die. I know how to do my job." She pulled back. "Besides, like you said...I've got help now, for a little while at least." Though no matter how much more at ease it made her mother feel, she had to hope Faith didn't stay long. She couldn't let anything happen to Giles, and that would be more of a danger the longer the other Slayer stuck around.

Buffy glanced into the dining room again, and her eyebrows went up when she saw Faith still shoving fries and carrots into her mouth. "I've got all the help I can stand."

* * *

Buffy arrived with Faith about eight that night. When he'd made it home after dark from the school, he'd opened the heavy curtains that had been closed for weeks, and put on a pot of tea. He still hated this, but he had no choice.

The knock on the door came, and he opened to find his Slayer and another, dark-haired girl just a bit taller. It was immediately obvious that she was quite different from Buffy. The red leather pants were rather interesting.

"Hello. Please, come in."

Buffy did, and the other Slayer followed her. "Giles, Faith—Slayer number two. Faith, Giles—my Watcher."

Giles closed the door and held out a hand. "It's wonderful to meet you, Faith."

She shook the offered hand and nodded. "Yeah, you too." She glanced at Buffy and grinned. "Now I know why he didn't go off on that retreat thing; probably didn't want to hang around with all them old codgers." She looked back to Giles, but she was still speaking to Buffy. "If I'd know they came that young and cute I'd've requested a transfer."

Rupert just blinked, caught off guard, and Buffy looked absolutely horrified. It was actually quite amusing, once he was over being surprised himself.

He cleared his throat. "Well, um, leaving aside for a moment my, um...youth and beauty, I'd say it was fortuitous that Faith arrived when she did."

Buffy grabbed onto the new subject. "Oh yeah? Why?"

He went to his desk and picked up a newspaper to hand the girls, where he'd circled an article or two on the front page. "I saw this, earlier this afternoon. Two people have disappeared from the Sunset Ridge district."

Both of them studied the paper.

"Okay...we'll keep a lookout for anything weird while we're out." Faith only had a light grip on the paper and Buffy easily pulled it away and handed it back to Giles. "Thanks for letting us know." She started to tug the new Slayer back toward the door. "Come on; we should get going."

Faith looked back and forth between the two of them, confused. "We just got here."

"Well, yeah, but you heard him," Buffy covered quickly. "Something's going on around here."

"People disappear all the time."

"This is Sunnydale. I'm beginning to we don't _have_ crime here. Just evil."

"Huh. Sucks for you."

"No kidding. Come on."

Faith shrugged. "Show me the vamps. I am so ready to dust something."

Buffy laughed, perhaps a little too nervously, and exchanged glances with her Watcher. Giles only shrugged minutely, and she opened the door and pulled the other Slayer back out into the darkness. "Night, Giles. Don't forget to eat; you always forget food when you're researching." Well, that was somewhat true...or it had been. In this case, of course, it was only a cover that hadn't really been necessary.

"Goodnight," he told them.

Faith nodded once before the door closed. "Yeah, nice meetin' ya, G. We'll talk weapons."

Then they were both gone, and if he'd still needed air Rupert was sure he would have been letting out a breath he probably wouldn't have been aware he was holding. Instead he just closed the curtains again, and then sat down at his desk and picked up his cup of tea.

* * *

After talking to her mother and knowing that it _did _make Joyce feel better that she had help with the slaying at the moment, Buffy tried to be nice while she and Faith were out on patrol. She really did.

That broke down quickly enough. She couldn't help slipping things in, implying that she knew a little more than the relatively new Slayer, and Faith was sarcastic. Then Faith told her, and not in a nice way, that maybe she'd been doing this too long.

"You got a problem?" Buffy asked in annoyance.

"I'm five by five here, B, living entirely large, actually wondering about _your_ problem."

_Her_, problem, huh? This girl was trying to tell _her_that she had problem? Of course she had a problem. She'd gotten her second Watcher killed, he was a vampire now and they had to hide it from the rest of the world minus the Scooby Gang, and on top of it all she'd had to kill the man she loved. Of course she had a damn problem.

"Well, I may not sleep in the nude and 'rassle' alligators—"

"Maybe it's time you started 'cause obviously _something_ in your bottle needs uncorking. What is it, the 'Angel' thing?"

Buffy stopped in her tracks. "What do you know about Angel?"

Faith stopped and turned to face her, shrugging. "Just what your friends tell me: big love, big loss, you oughta deal and move on, but you're not," she said matter-of-factly, as if she knew everything there was to know on the subject and anything related.

She knew her friends didn't really blame her for how she still felt about Angel. After all, they knew what had really happened back at the mansion. They were just worried about her. But Faith was taking it all in a completely different direction, and it made her angrier than she'd been in a while.

"I got an idea," she said hotly. "How about from now on, we don't hear from you on Angel or anything else in my life? Which, by the way, in _my_ life." Maybe it was a royally screwed up life, at time, but she had her friends and her mother and Giles, and her life had it's moments. She didn't at all appreciate Faith's attempts to steal it, whether they were intentional or not.

"What are you getting' so strung out for, B?"

"Why are your lips still moving, _F_?" she retorted, letting all of the frustration of the past day or so out in that one letter.

Faith smirked. "Did I just hear a threat?"

"Would you like to?"

"Wow. Think you can take me?"

She knew she shouldn't. It was stupid. All of this was stupid. It wasn't Faith she was angry at, not completely. She had just enough presence of mind to realize that, but she was on a roll now. Maybe it was Angel she was hurting over and Giles she was worried about and the world in general she was angry at, but a good fight would make everything better. For a little while.

"Yeah," she said quickly. Then she saw the vampires creeping up behind Faith, and her eyes went wide. "I just hope they _can't_." When the vamps realized they were made, they rushed at the two Slayers. Buffy pushed Faith aside and caught the first one across the chest with an outstretched arm. He crashed to the ground and lay there, and she started in on the second on.

Well, she was getting her fight, anyway.

There were three or four in all, and it was going all right at first. Faith looked to be good fighter herself, which she'd already gotten a glimpse of the night before.

Unfortunately, she got a little too excited. She focused on one vamp and one vamp only, until she had him on the ground. She punched him again and again, hurling insults while Buffy was pinned under two more that almost took her. She managed to shove them off and stake one, and the other ran off. She'd already staked another earlier in the fight, so that only left the one under Faith's fists.

"You. Can't. Touch. Me!" she was screaming as Buffy came up from behind. It was a little disturbing. Buffy pulled the girl off and staked the vampire, and when she turned Faith was getting to her feet and dusting herself off.

"What is wrong with you?" Buffy demanded.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you 'living large' on that vampire."

"Gee, if doing violence to vampires upsets you, I think you're in the wrong line of work."

She swallowed. "Yeah, or maybe you like it a little too much." She couldn't help but worry more now. If this was her attitude...if she found out about Giles...

"I was getting the job done," Faith said coolly.

"The job is to slay demons; not beat them to a bloody pulp while their friends corner me."

Faith straightened and shrugged. "I thought you could handle yourself."

And she walked away.

* * *

Buffy caught Giles coming out of out the teachers' lounge the next morning with a mug, and she told him what had happened the night before.

"I haven't seen her since then, and I'm a little worried. For more than one reason. She is definitely trouble."

"Now, Buffy, I know only saw her for a few minutes last night, but I saw enough to know that you and Faith have very different temperaments."

"Yeah, and mine's the sane one. The girl's not playing with full deck, Giles. She has almost no deck. She has a three."

"You said yourself that she-she killed one. She's just a plucky fighter who got a little carried away," he said, shrugging as they walked toward the library.

She sighed. "I know, but that's what I'm worried about. I-I really don't want to know what would happen if she...you know..."

Giles winced a little, and took a sip from his mug. "Right."

"We have to be careful."

"I'm well aware of that."

Buffy moved on quickly, not wanting to dwell on it. "Anyway, she nearly got us both killed. The girl needs help."

"All right. I'll see if I can reach her Watcher at the retreat." Giles paused and glanced at his watch, juggling the folders in his hands and his cup to get at it. It was such a simple thing, but even after weeks with him back and more than two of those being back here in school, it still made her smile a little, even as tightly-wound as she was at the moment.

If fate, or rather, Drusilla, had had her way, he wouldn't be here at all right now. The small familiar things she'd grown used to would be gone forever.

But they weren't.

He wasn't.

And she was damn well going to keep him here as long as she could. No stuffy Watchers' Council or new Slayer with a twitchy stake hand was going to keep her from doing it.

"They're probably sitting down to a nightcap," Giles was saying. Buffy realized that she'd spaced out just long enough to let him go into wistful mode. "I wonder if they still kayak. I used to love a good kayak."

Kayaking? Okay...guilty or not of causing this, she had to pace away for a moment to get over the absurdity of that one, and when she came back her hands were on her hips.

"You see, they—" He stopped when he saw her staring up at him. "Sorry. I digress."

"It's fine," she sighed.

Giles started moving again, down the wide school hallway, and Buffy went with him. He asked her for details on the vampires that had attacked her and Faith the night before, and by the time they got back to the library they had a perp. Giles recognized a name in something Buffy mentioned that one of the vamps had said, and they came up with Kakistos.

Apparently, this was one old vampire and one bad bad-guy.

Great.

She headed out to find Faith, not sure where to look, but her only test that day was in the afternoon and she had some time. Now she just needed to get out of here before Snyder spotted her.

Scott Hope, however, had other ideas.

The young man stopped her in the hallway. He promised her this was his last attempt at anything at all, and told her in not quite so many words that he still liked her. He asked her to the Buster Keaton film festival. He told her that whatever she answered was all right. He said, in a nutshell, that if she would only consent to being friends, he would take that. He was sweet.

Buffy had been in a hurry, but she felt that melt away for a moment, and she felt herself smile. Okay...so maybe she wouldn't be able to handle trying for a boyfriend anytime soon. Even the thought still hurt too much, and she knew it would for a while. But...maybe having a new friend wasn't so bad. So she accepted the invitation to the film festival.

But then Scott tried to give her the friendship ring.

It was a completely innocent gesture. He probably had no idea of the deeper meaning it could hold, and he certainly had no idea how old the ring and it's like were. He had no idea what it meant to her. But all she could see as she stared at it was Angel. Angel dying. Angel looking at her and not understanding. Angel...

She dropped it. The ring clattered to the floor and the box fell beside it, and all she could say when she manage to say anything was, "I can't. I-I-I can't do this."

Scott bent quickly to pick them up, utterly confused, and she couldn't bring herself to say anything else—anything to tell him that it wasn't his fault. She could only stand there, frozen.

"Ok," he said dejectedly, standing and moving past her. "I get the message."

Then Scott was gone, and a door banged shut, and she didn't know anyone else was there until she heard the voice over her.

"Are you all right?"

A hand started to touch her shoulder and she pulled away quickly, without thinking. Her eyes came up when her hands did, and she saw who it was. "Giles, I, uhm...yeah. I'm fine," she said, trying to shake it off. "Did you reach the retreat?"

"Yes I did," Giles said uncomfortably.

"What did her Watcher say?"

It wasn't until then that she'd blinked away the unshed tears enough to see the haunted look on his face. "Her Watcher is dead."

* * *

It didn't take long to learn everything Buffy had ever wanted to know about Kakistos. It all went down that night.

Willow told her where Faith said she'd been staying, and Buffy found the motel without too much trouble. As Cordelia had told her on her first day of school at Sunnydale High, the bad side of town was about half a block from the good side of town. They didn't have a lot of town.

She found Faith's room easily, because the door was open and one of the guys that worked at the place was there asking for payment, which the girl apparently wasn't quite keeping up on. That didn't surprise her. Their voices were drifting out into the parking lot, and she stepped inside and leaned against the doorjamb.

"Roommates are extra," the guy in the dirty tank-top complained.

"I'm just visiting," Buffy said in a voice that told him he needed to leave. Thankfully, he did, and Buffy closed the door behind her. With the news from England she didn't see any time to play around, and she got right down to business.

The confrontation was short, and Faith didn't pull any punches. She was too busy packing the moment she heard Kakistos was in town to worry about lying. Buffy tried to get her to calm down and accept a little help with the Kakistos situation, but Faith brushed her off.

"You can mind your own business," she snapped. "I'm the one who can handle this."

"Yeah. You're a real badass when it comes to packing," she said as the other Slayer shoved the rest of her clothes into a bag. "What was that you said about my problem—gotta deal and move on? Well, we have the 'moving on' part right here. What about dealing? Is that just something you're gonna dump on me?"

Faith stood quickly, picking up her pack. "You don't know me. You don't know what I've been through. I'll take care of this, all right?"

_And you don't know what _I've _been through_, she thought. Faith went for the door, but Buffy called after her. "Like you took care of your Watcher?"

She didn't like playing that card. She didn't like saying anything about it at all when she was just as guilty and/or not guilty as Faith was in that department. Twice over. Faith stopped, and pulled her hand back from the doorknob. She slowly looked back, and Buffy saw the pain on her face, and understood it.

Her voice softened. "He killed her, didn't he?" she asked gently.

Faith's answer was quiet. "They don't have a word for what he did to her."

Buffy swallowed. She wanted to say something, something like _I'm sorry_, maybe, but there was a knock on the door.

Unfortunately, it was Kakistos holding the dead body of the man who had been in here just minutes ago.

"Faith." The vampire—who really did have cloven hands, and wasn't that just dandy—grabbed Faith by the throat, but Buffy pulled her free and managed to get the door closed. "I just bought us a little more...time...!" Kakistos's huge hoof-like hand smashed through the door right beside her.

Faith was screaming. She was screaming "No!" over and over, and Buffy realized that the girl had problems too. Some major ones. Just like her. They had a few things in common after all. But they would have to work that out at a time that wasn't right now.

"Scream later! Escape now."

They made it out a window, and through an alley or two. The vamps drove them right into their hideout, but of course they didn't know that at first. It was just an abandoned building. They thought they were safe, and Buffy took they moment she though they had to ask Faith what had happened with Kakistos back in Boston.

There wasn't much to tell, or at least nothing the other girl would go into detail about. She told Buffy in broken sentences that she'd been there, when Kakistos killed her Watcher. She'd tried to stop him, but couldn't, and then it was too late to save her Watcher, and she ran. It was obvious she still felt guilty about it. Buffy could more than understand.

Buffy took a deep breath. "Faith, first rule of slaying—don't die," she said, and she was talking as much to herself as to the other Slayer. She couldn't have gone to the mansion earlier. She wasn't ready. She didn't have a plan. She would have gotten herself killed, and Giles still would have died. "You did the right thing, ok? You didn't die. Now you do the math. One of him, and two of us..."

The pep talk would have continued, but that was when they saw the pile of bodies drained of blood, and realized the whole they-were-in-Kakistos's-lair thing.

It only escalated from there, of course. Kakistos himself burst in with his lackeys, grinning, and the fight began. Or Buffy fighting began. Faith was frozen. It went on like that for a while, and Buffy was too busy keeping herself alive to be able to keep Big Daddy Vamp from beating Faith down. She finally made it over to help, but in the end it was Faith who found her courage and ran a wooden beam through Kakistos's chest.

Then it was over, and they both got to their feet and stared at the pile of dust for a while. Whatever annoyances they'd had with each other seemed to be gone, at least for the moment, and Buffy let out a breath and looked at her fellow Slayer. "You hungry?"

Faith nodded. "Starved."

* * *

Giles sat at his desk, with his chair turned toward Buffy, who was leaning against one of his file cabinets. "Faith really came through in the end," she said, finishing her story. Her gaze was far off. "She had a lot to deal with, but she did it. She got it behind her."

"I'm glad to hear it," he said. Then they were both silent.

Buffy gave a heavy sigh. "We have to help her, don't we? She may have sort of gotten over the Kakistos thing, finally, but she's still gonna need help. She doesn't have a Watcher right now, or any family. She has nowhere to go."

"I know," he said quietly. He knew what they had to do. There was was only one right thing _to_ do. "She should stay here."

"I was afraid you were going to say that."

Rupert looked up, and Buffy continued defensively.

"It's not that I don't like her. I guess I do, now that I know what was going on with her attitude and all. I mean, I can feel for her, and I do. I want to help, but...you know what I'm worried about."

"Yes, I know."

"So what do we do?"

He sat back and shrugged a little. "We tell her the truth."

"But—"

"Buffy, if she's to stay here indefinitely, and it turns into any real length of time, she _will_ discover the truth about me on her own. It's better to tell her of our own volition and earn her trust now than to let her find out any other way."

Buffy grimaced. "She'll freak out. She will completely flip her lid. That much is pretty easy to predict. How are we supposed to contain that? She's a Slayer, Giles."

He nodded slowly. "I know that, Buffy. That is why we will take every precaution, but there is no other answer."

She groaned and brought her hands up to rub at her closed eyelids for a moment. When she dropped her arms and opened her eyes, she sighed. "Okay. Make the call." She straightened from where she'd been leaning, and crossed her arms. "I gotta go."

She started to do just that. "Buffy?" She glanced back at him. "It will be all right," he told her.

Buffy smiled some, and though he knew she was still worrying under the surface somewhere, she seemed to believe him enough to make him feel a little better. "I know."

She left, and Giles sat for a moment before twisting his chair to face his desk again. He sat that way, too, for another moment, lost in thought. Then he reached down and opened that bottom drawer he never used, and pulled out the glasses and cloth he'd left in there weeks before.

There was something he had to do.

* * *

Buffy waited in the hallway until the bell rang, and caught Scott coming out of his class. She knew she should apologize for the freakout the day before, so she did. She told him that there had been someone, before, and the ring had confused her. She apologized, and there was rambling without letting him get a word in, which was completely her style, and finally she managed to stop it.

"Uh, what's I'm trying to say is, umm...if you would still like to go to the film festival—and I would understand if you didn't—I'd pretty much love to go with you."

She didn't know what he would say, but she had to put that out there. Maybe she could only handle starting out as friends, but she had to start somewhere.

Life went on, and until now it had been mostly moving on without her.

Scott wore his surprised face for another few seconds before he said "Uhh..." and cleared his throat. "I don't know, Buffy, um...I'm really gonna have to think about this."

Oh.

He took all of two steps away, and then he was back. "Ok, you know what? I thought about it, and I'm in; when do you want to go?"

Buffy relaxed and smiled easily, glad to have a reason to be happy again. "Uh, well, I have one thing that I have to do tonight, and then I'm good."

"Good," Scott smiled.

* * *

Giles took the glasses, and he went to the mansion that night.

The last time he'd seen it, he'd been alive. Acathla was gone, but he'd had that taken care of without having to come here himself at all.

The curtain to the alcove had been pushed halfway aside, and from the moment he entered the mansion he could see into the place off the main room where everything had happened. He could see the place where he'd died. He approached it slowly, reluctantly, but it was something he had to do. He went in until he was behind the half of the curtain that still hung.

The chair wasn't where it should have been. In the dark it took him a moment, even with his improved vision, to find it, and he knew as soon as he saw the splintered wood in the carpet that it was Buffy's work. He had to swallow back a lump that appeared in his throat at that.

Rupert stood where the chair had been, just looking, and remembering everything one more time even though he didn't want to.

He remembered it, and he made the choice to put it behind him.

Even after his time in L.A. and all of the progress he'd made in accepting that he was a vampire, he hadn't really moved on. He hadn't stopped pretending, sometimes, that there were things in the future that there wouldn't be anymore. Because he was dead. He wouldn't step in the sunlight again, and he wouldn't have a family, and he wouldn't grow old and die.

But he'd held on too tightly, and he knew that now. He still had Buffy and the others and, for now, his job, and the library...but those others things were gone.

It was time to let it go.

After another minute or more, Giles crouched where he was and pulled the glasses Buffy had returned to him from his jacket pocket. He unwrapped them from the handkerchief, and with only a little hesitation he swallowed hard and set them on the carpet where the chair had been.

And silently Rupert Giles said goodbye to his human life.

* * *

Buffy went home from school, and she dug out the ring that she'd long ago buried in a drawer because it hurt too much to look at it. She sat on the edge of her bed and looked at it, remembering Angel and everything they'd had together.

Maybe she and Faith had driven each other to distraction in the past few days, but something she'd said in regard to Angel had been true. She needed to move on. Her life would never really feel like it was going anywhere if she didn't. He wouldn't want that. Angel had loved her, and she knew that if she really loved him, she had to let him go.

She took the ring, and she went to the mansion. It was dark and quiet, and Acathla was gone. Giles had mentioned a week or so ago that'd he'd had it taken care of, finally. The demon was gone, and she wasn't sure just what had been done, but she was sure he would never cause trouble again. Hopefully he'd been buried or turned to demon dust somewhere.

Now though, the floor was clear. Buffy stopped in the spot where all of it had happened—where Acathla had been, and she and Angel had been. Where she'd killed Angel to save the world. She stood there for a moment, remembering, with the ring in her hands, and then she knelt.

"Goodbye," she finally whispered.

She reverently set the ring on the carpet there, and she let Angel go.

Buffy stood slowly, and as she did she caught movement from the corner of her eye. She twisted just enough to see Giles come out from behind curtain that only half-covered the alcove. He stopped, and they looked at each other for a moment.

In the end, neither of them were really surprised to see the other.

Giles came silently closer, stopping just short of her, and she saw the cloth in his hand. Somehow she knew without looking closer that it was the same one she'd given back to him a couple of weeks or so ago. He didn't have the glasses too, and without asking she knew where they were. He saw her looking at the handkerchief, and he glanced at the ring on the floor and then glanced back at what was in his hand.

He gave a sad smile and tucked it back into a pocket of his jacket. "I suppose we both had something to say goodbye to," he said softly.

There was no need for Buffy to say anything more. That pretty much summed it up right there. She only nodded, and instead of jerking away as she had yesterday after the incident with Scott, she let him rest a comforting hand on her shoulder as they turned for the door.

Watcher and Slayer left the mansion together.


	16. Chapter 16

Okay, here ya'll go. I found a good stopping point and decided to go ahead and post, since I'll be working the next three days. No time, yay. :P LOL. Anyway, please do still review, and thanks so much for everything!

Chapter 16

Willow heard the voices coming from the office as soon as she entered the library, and from the look on Xander's face he heard it too. It wasn't quite a shouting match, but it wasn't a calm discussion, either. The two friends didn't have a chance to decide whether to check it out or quietly leave again before Buffy stormed out into the main room and stopped short when she saw them.

"Guys," she said, looking much like a deer in headlights.

Giles came out behind her, and his eyebrows went up to give him a similar expression to hers. "Willow. Xander."

"Uh...yeah," Xander said stupidly.

Willow frowned. "What's going on?"

Buffy crossed her arms and glared briefly back at Giles. "I do _not _like his plan."

"Buffy, Faith could hardly be expected to trust me if I weren't there to help explain this to her."

"But if you're _there_ and she goes _berserk_, you could get killed. Not that I wouldn't stop her, but she _is_ a Slayer. We have no real idea how that would go down. It's _too dangerous_."

"Is there any way we can help?" Willow asked.

The Slayer shook her head. "I don't think so. I don't want any of the rest of you there, either. It's better if I tell her myself and _all_ of you stay out of it until we're sure she's okay enough with it not to do anything stupid."

Xander went to the table and sat, crossing his arms once he'd set his books down. "We _are_ talking about the hey-by-the-way-Giles-is-a-vampire thing, right?" They all stared at him for a moment, and he sat back. "Yeah...thought so."

Willow chewed her lip for a moment as she went to close the relative circle the four of them were now standing or sitting in between the office door and the table. "Are you really that worried about how Faith might react?" she asked.

Buffy nodded in agreement. "I was there when she killed Kakistos, and I remember what she looked like when she told me what happened back in Boston. I'm the one who's been out on patrol with her every night this week. She's still way more gung-ho about it than I _ever_ was. She hates vampires in general because of what Kakistos did to her Watcher, and maybe I don't blame her for it, but it still presents a problem. She's unpredictable."

"No kidding," Xander muttered. "I've been trying to figure her out from minute one. No luck so far, except for what little we know about her past now, and all."

"Same here," Buffy sighed. "Look, I like her and I know you guys do, but we can't take this lightly." Willow supposed that was true.

"Agreed," Giles nodded.

"Then why are you giving me problems over this?" she shot back. "My plan is safer, and you know it."

"Just because it is safer does not make it better. It doesn't make it the right thing to do to earn Faith's trust."

Willow cleared her throat, and they glanced at her. When she spoke she spoke to Buffy. "Okay...so...basically the argument here is that Giles wants to be there, and you'd rather him be far, far away, right?"

"Pretty much."

"Okay...so what about a compromise?"

* * *

Buffy knew she was tense as she walked into the cemtery that night, but there wasn't much she could do about it. She was going to feel that way until this was over.

Faith was waiting for her near the entrance, where they usually met, and the other girl looked at her curiously when she got there. "God, B. You're slow today. What's up?"

Buffy just shrugged, and they walked in silence. Usually they talked, but tonight Faith seemed to sense sense thaty something was going on, no matter what Buffy said. Tonight they worked the cemetary in silence, taking out a vamp here and there, and then moved on to the streets. When Buffy finally spoke, she did it quietly.

"Faith...do you remember what you told me about what happened to your Watcher? That you tried, but you couldn't save her?"

Faith slowed to a stop and turned to look back at her warily. "Sure...but I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"I-I know, and you don't have to. I just needed to make sure you knew where I was coming from."

"Where you were coming from on what?"

"On what I have to tell you."

Faith stared at her for a few seconds. "What're you talking about?"

Buffy sighed. "I'm getting to that. Listen, I uh...I just want you to know that I get it. I know what it feels like."

The other girl's face clouded. "No you—"

"I had another Watcher, you know...before Giles. I lived in L.A. back then."

"Big city gal, huh?" Faith said dryly.

"Originally, yeah. But what I'm getting at here is that I know how you feel. Something happened to my first Watcher too, and I couldn't save him." The pain was old, but it was there. She swallowed. "I...I saw him die, and I couldn't do anything to stop it. I uh...I never got a lot of time to really get to know him, since I was still pretty much against the whole idea of what I was when he died—being the Slayer—but I still miss him sometimes."

She had to smile a little, really remembering Merrick for the first time in a while. "He was, like, even older than Giles but he was still pretty cool, really."

By now Faith was looking at her sympathetically. "Wow...hey, I'm sorry, B..."

Buffy shrugged. "It's okay." She winced, and started walking again, and Faith followed her. "Besides...that's not all."

"What do you mean?"

She let out a breath. "The last thing I ever wanted was for something like that to happen again. I mean you wouldn't want that either, would you?"

Faith shifted uncomfortably. "No...of course not."

Buffy looked her in the eyes. "And if there was anything else you could have done to save your Watcher you would have done it, wouldn't you?"

"Yeah. I would have done anything. And?" Faith asked tersely. It was obvious she still didn't like this conversation. She was going to shut down in a minute if a point wasn't made clear.

"And...maybe I never wanted anything like that to happen again, but...it did."

Faith was silent beside her for a moment as they walked slowly through Sunnydale's back streets. "Look, B...we've both been through hell. I get it, and I'm sorry, but is there a point to this little heart-to-heart?"

"I really wish there weren't."

"And just what the hell is that supposed to _mean_?"

"It's hard to explain. That's why I'm being so round-about here, sorry, but..." She trailed off and thought for a moment. "How much do you really know about Angel?"

Faith shrugged. "I don't know—the whole basic story, I guess."

If she'd had time to think about that she might have been angry at her friends' tendency to talk, but she didn't have time for that now. "Then you know what happened near the end...how he kind of..."

"Ended up a bad guy who tried to take out the world? Yeah, heard that. From what I've heard, that's about the time I went live. One of Angel's groupies killed the other Slayer, and here I am. Sorry about that too by the way, you know, but anyway..."

"Yeah," Buffy swallowed. "A lot happened then, just within a few days. It still seems like yesterday, but it feels like forever ago, too."

"I know how that goes," Faith admitted. Then she added, "So which part of 'a lot' is the point?"

"Giles."

The other Slayer frowned in confusion. "Giles? Your Watcher?"

"Yeah. You met him."

"All of once. He doesn't seem to be around much, for the Watcher type. Then again, I've only had one. Maybe that's normal."

"No, it's not. Usually we train most days, but we're taking a break while the school year gets started, that's all. Okay, not all, but that's why I needed to talk to you."

"Fine. Shoot."

"It's not that simple."

Faith stopped again. "Fine! What else then?" she questioned hotly.

Not good. She didn't need to be annoyed already. Buffy found herself stammering as she went on. "B-back in May, when—when Angel—He took Giles. He couldn't get the ritual to awaken Acathla right, and he thought Giles might know what he was doing wrong."

The other girl blinked, and her eyebrows went up slowly. "Let me guess...wasn't pretty?"

Buffy shook her head and stared at her hands for a moment. She saw Faith look away.

"Oh...God. Well...he looked okay the one time I saw him..."

She nodded. "He is okay. Now. Or...sort of." She looked up again. "That's kind of what this is about, actually." The conversation hadn't gone exactly as planned, but they were getting to where they needed to be. The same was true physically, as they were now drawing close to the school.

"How so? If he's okay now, then what is there to talk about? You want me to like, not mention Angel around him or something? Fine. I won't."

"No, that's not what I—I mean, that wouldn't be a bad idea, but that's not what this is about."

Faith crossed her arms. "Then what _is_ this about? You've been running around in circles for ten minutes. Get to the damn point already."

"I am. Look...the point is that he wasn't okay. Not then. After Angel—Angel didn't do it, but one of the others with him...her name was Drusilla—"

"The crazy vamp chick?"

How much _had_ she heard from the others?

Buffy nodded. "Yeah. She uhm..." Preparing to talk about it, of course, meant thinking about it. Now that she was, she realized she'd never really thought about it—not about the beginning. Not about what it must have been like for Giles, when Drusilla killed him. When she sired him. She hadn't _wanted_ to think about it.

"Buffy?" Faith asked anxiously.

She swallowed hard and pulled in an uneven breath. "You said you would have done anything to save your Watcher, right?" she said softly. Faith only looked at her, but the answer was clear. "Faith...Drusilla, she...I don't think it was part of anyone's plan, but you already know she's crazy. She...she killed him, Faith."

More blinking. "What the hell are you talking about? I met him. He's alive."

"He's still here, yeah. That's true, but he's not—" She couldn't finish that sentence. "Drusilla t-turned...him..."

"Excuse me?"

That had been loud enough already. She had to get the rest in, before Faith had any more time to get upset. The words tumbled out in a rush. "We found him before he woke up. We didn't know who'd done it then, and we weren't even sure if we were right, but we were and—and if you heard about Angel you know that he had a soul at first, right? You know it's possible. When everything went downhill we'd been working on making that spell or curse or whatever it was work again, to give him his soul back, but we didn't have it in time for that. So we used it to save Giles instead, and..."

Faith held up both hands and waved them. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're trying to tell me your Watcher is a _vampire_?"

She grimaced. "He has a soul, Faith. He's not just a vampire."

"Yeah, well look where that went with Angel."

"This is different."

"How?"

"It just is! You should understand; we couldn't just do nothing—"

"Damn right you couldn't just do nothing; you should have dusted him!"

"And how was I supposed to do that? If the same thing had happened to_ your _Watcher what would _you_ have done if you could have brought her back? If you could have saved her?"

"I wouldn't have done it!" Faith shouted. "I wouldn't have made her live like that!"

Buffy seethed for a moment. "You can't say anything. It didn't happen that way with her. Nobody turned her, and you weren't facing maybe having to hurt her yourself. You don't know what it's like looking at the face of somebody you care about twisted by a demon and knowing whoever it was isn't in there and all that's left is the demon that wants to kill you. _I _know what it's like. It happened to Xander and Willow, too; just after I moved here the Master turned one of their friends, and I never got to know him. Xander dusted him. We all knew what it was like, before what happened to Giles, and we couldn't take that again. We had to do _something_."

Faith started to turn away, almost laughing she was so put out. "Oh my god. You people are mental. Too bad; I though this place had potential."

Buffy took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down and remember that this girl had been through just as much as she had—trying to remember why she was out here telling her all of this, and why it was important. "Faith...it still does. We _want_ you to stay here, but if you were ever going to be able to trust us we had to be up front with you. We would have told you sooner, but we spent all week trying to figure out how."

The other Slayer snorted, still half turned away and smirking now. "_We_ who? Where is he? He's not here, that's for sure. A vampire with a soul's got to have some serious issues, but it's got to be even worse for a _new_ one. He's probably a coward, huh? He—"

"Shut the hell up," she snapped. "You don't know a thing about him."

Faith glanced back at her in surprise, and then glared and faced her again. "How could you be so _stupid_? What if this soul thing isn't on the level?"

"It is."

"How do you know that?"

"We _do_."

"So I repeat my question of _where the hell is he then_?"

"I'm right here."

Now Buffy blinked. She hadn't been ready for the interruption yet. Both Slayers looked quickly down the alley they were in now, behind the school, and Giles stepped out of the shadows into the soft glow given by the streetlights.

Faith narrowed her eyes at him, looking him up and down. "How long you been there?"

"Long enough. Everything Buffy's said is true, Faith. We want you to trust us. That is why we felt we had to trust you with this information. I understand you may be confused—"

"Confused?" She laughed once, and glanced back at her fellow Slayer. "You're the confused ones. This is so_ not_ cool, B. This is stupid."

"Faith..." She tried to think of something to say. She really did. But all she could think was, _he came too soon. She's angry. She's angry, and she still has a stake. She has a stake..._Her heart was pounding in her chest, and she didn't understand how Giles could be so calm. _Oh god oh god oh god. I knew this would happen._

Faith started to back away. "No. Look, it's okay...fine...whatever. We had good times. The last week or so, besides the Kakistos crap, yeah—fun. But this is dumb. Really dumb. I thought the infamous Buffy was supposed have some kind of halfway-decent brain in her head."

Giles stepped in again. "And if you leave, where will you go? The Council won't know where to find you, and I doubt you know how to contact them. You'll have no one. We want to help you, Faith."

"So you dump _this_ on me??" she protested. "After the hell I've been through?"

He winced. "I know this was not an ideal time. I'm very sorry about that, truly, but—"

"You were trying to 'do the right thing' or however is goes. Yeah, so I heard."

"Faith, _what_ were we talking about before we got into this? Can't you at least _try_ to understand?" Buffy asked.

"I can understand none of you are as smart as I thought you were. I can understand that you're a self _bitch_." She looked at Giles. "You know, I kind of feel sorry for you." Then her expression hardened. "Doesn't change anything though."

The Faith launched herself at him.

"No!" The word slipped out as Buffy went after her. But when Faith had backed away she'd done it toward the alley wall, and she'd actually ended up a little closer to Giles than Buffy was. Buffy had no chance of getting there first.

But Giles, of course, could handle himself. He only moved defensively, but he kept Faith's blows _or_ the stake from landing for the brief few seconds it took Buffy to get there. She grabbed Faith from behind, hoping Giles would get the message and help her restrain the other Slayer without them having to hurt her, but before Giles could move Faith lashed back instinctively.

The stake sank momentarily into Buffy's arm, and she cried out and let go.

"Buffy!" That would be Giles.

Faith staggered back, off balance for a moment, and her eyes were wide when she saw what had happened. "I-I'm sorry!" She got that much out before she was scowling again. She cursed under her breath, turned on her heel, and fled.

Buffy wouldn't have just watched her go, but it only took two running steps after her to send enough jarring pain up her arm to stop her cold and make her realize that even if she caught up, she wouldn't be able to do much. She stumbled to a stop with a strangled whimper and stood there helplessly, clutching her arm. _Now what?_

In a second Giles was at her side. "That went well," she grated out.

"How bad is it?" he demanded worriedly, reaching for her.

"Not bad," she said through clenched teeth. She wasn't sure if she was lying or not. "You need to go after her."

"And if I did that, what would it tell her? We can't afford to give her the kind of impression that might leave; certainly not now."

"This was a bad idea."

Giles was trying to get her to move the hand she had clamped over the wound but so far she hadn't relented, and he sighed. Whatever that really meant for him now. "I will agree that could have gone much better. Now will you please stop being difficult? I need to know if we should be rushing you to the hospital."

"No hospitals. Mom's doing better adjusting to the Slayer thing, but she doesn't need a hospital visit that's going to completely freak her out."

"That's no reason to avoid proper medical attention if it's needed."

She tried to pull away. "It's not needed. I'm fine, really. She's already asleep; I can just go home and clean it up myself."

"That's ridiculous. The library is right here, and there are more than enough first aid supplies. It's your arm; you could hardly see to it well enough yourself with one hand."

"You don't have to—

He gave her that look that always, strangely enough, actually made her shut up—the one that told her he was not taking any more of her bull. "It's all right. Come on. Wood is hardly the cleanest substance in the world, and this should be cleaned as soon as possible."

Her arm hurt—quite a lot, actually—but she was still too busy worrying about what Faith might do later to really focus on it. Either way, once she'd looked at Giles for a moment she let out a breath and nodded.

* * *

Buffy followed him silently inside the school to the library, and once Giles had fetched the first aid kit he had to help her out of her jacket. Doing it on her own would have hurt her too much, so though she protested the assistance, she let him help. After that she was quiet while they both perched on the edge of the library table, and he cleaned the wound to her upper arm. He was glad to see that it wasn't as bad as it had originally seemed.

Giles knew why she hadn't wanted him to do this. She didn't want him to be uncomfortable, seeing as the wound was still bleeding, and he appreciated the thought but it was unnecessary. It was uncomfortable, maybe, but not unbearably so. Not that she needed to know it was at all.

Buffy yelped once, while he was cleaning the wound, but it was the only sound he heard from her until she spoke softly. "Giles..."

He gently pressed the last of the needed bandaging in place and looked up, finally, as he began to pack everything away. "Yes?" It wasn't until after he'd said it that he saw her clouded eyes. "Buffy?"

She looked away. "Faith was right about one thing."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm a selfish bitch," she said quietly.

"No—"

"Just listen to me, okay?" she interrupted.

"Buffy, how many times have we discussed this?"

"Too many," she sighed. "But not enough." Buffy slid from the table and paced away from him, moving her arm a bit and testing the feel of the bandages as she went. She grunted once, and continued. "I mean, I guess in the grand scheme of things it all evens out. We've agreed about that, I think, but I still did what I did. I still acted the way I acted."

She took a deep breath, and her back was still to him. "Maybe we wanted you back, wanted you to have a second chance, or whatever, but I was thinking a whole hell of a lot more about myself, really. I'd been kicked out of school and I was wanted by the police and my mom and I were on the outs and I had to _kill Angel_...and-and then I turn around and Zander's standing there staring at me and I can just tell by the look on his face that it's not over. When I found out why, when...w-when I saw you, and you were...dead, it was just some kind of last straw for me. I snapped. All I could think about was that it was too much, and I needed you. _I_ did. It was about _me_."

He could hear her swallow, and her shoulders hunched. "I'm sorry. I'll...I think I'll always feel pretty horrible about that."

They were both silent for a moment, and Giles closed the repacked first aid kit and set it aside. "What do you want me to say?"

"Nothing," she answered quickly. "If you don't want to."

"I think I should say _something_." He was still on the edge of the table, and hesitantly she turned to look at him again. He just looked back for a moment before he spoke. "I don't want you to feel that way," he told her honestly. "None of us is perfect, and I would think that after everything we've been through since we met we would both know that. Whatever happened then doesn't matter anymore."

He had to search a bit, for just what to say next, but in the end there was only one way to put it. "I have...come to terms with this, or begun to. I'm going to be all right, Buffy, and the last thing I would want would be for you to spend god knows how long second-guessing yourself."

It took a moment, but she smiled a little. "I guess I already knew you'd say something like that." She came back to the table and sat beside him again. He wondered if she was going to say anything else on the subject, but, returning to form, she didn't.

"How is your arm?"

Buffy glanced down at it and gave a facial shrug. "It'll be fine. Hurts like hell right now, but it'll be fine. I'll be good as new in a few days. And yes, you did a perfectly fine job with the first aid work."

Giles chuckled once. "I wasn't necessarily looking for the praise, but you _are_ welcome."

She flashed a brief smile, but then fell silent again. Rupert knew where _his _thoughts were returning to, and when Buffy spoke again he knew hers had gone to the same place.

"What are we going to do about Faith?"

He shrugged, not exactly liking that there was really only one sensible answer, when it came to a Slayer such as Faith. "Nothing, for now. If she never returns on her own we will need to search for her, to be certain that she's all right, at the very least, but if we go after her now we'll only push her away. If she wants to come back, she will, but we should give her time for that."

"Time to sneak back here and kill you, you mean," she replied darkly.

"Buffy..."

"I wouldn't put it past her, Giles. I know we don't really know her yet, but I wouldn't put it past her. And what, we're just supposed to sit around until she comes back and dusts you next time? I wouldn't let her if I was _there_, but I can't _be_ there all the time."

"I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Especially now."

"I know, but..." She frowned. "And hey, when do we get to start training again? It's been almost a week since I finished my tests. I'm _done_ settling in. I'm comfy."

Now Giles was the one to stand. "I suppose we could begin once your arm is healed. However, for now I should take you home."

Buffy's eyebrows went up, and she slid back farther on the table when he looked at her. "But...she could double back tonight...and-and she knows where you live."

He gave her an appraising look. "Would it make you feel any better if I promised to come back here tonight instead?"

She thought about that a minute and then relaxed a little. "I guess. I never got around to mentioning the library, so..."

"All right," Rupert told her gently. "I will then."

She let out a breath and stood again. "Okay...just be careful."

"I will," he nodded. "Though I have no illusions that saying it now will save me from hearing it again before I let you out of the car."

Buffy laughed a little, and smiled up at him sheepishly. "At least we understand each other."

* * *

Buffy let Giles take her home, but instead of going inside she headed out again as soon as he was out of sight. She hurried to the motel where Faith had been putting herself up, but there was no one in her room and her things were already gone. Apparently she was still a real badass at packing.

Still, she was afraid the move might have been some sort of trick, and she got little sleep that night. Buffy rushed to school the next morning to find Giles safe and sound in his office, and then the rest of the Scooby gang arrived. None of them were happy to find that she'd been hurt, and that Faith had taken the news badly and apparently skipped town—at least for now.

"Okay," Willow said guiltily. "So compromising doesn't _always_ work, I guess..."

"It wasn't the plan, Will," Buffy sighed. "We just messed up. She wasn't ready for this."

Hopefully though, that didn't mean it was over. Hopefully at some point they could still find some common ground with Faith. She _really_ didn't want this to be an ongoing problem.

School went on as usual, and Giles took over patrol again while her arm healed. Within a few days it was fine enough that patrol was no problem, but for a few days after that he still went with her. It seemed the over-protectiveness born of everything that had happened in May went both ways.

After two weeks, they began training. They waited so long because Giles wanted to be absolutely certain they wouldn't strain anything in her arm that might still be healing. The first two or three days she hadn't been able to lift it very far at all, and he'd been afraid there was damage to the muscle. Thank god it was fine now, though. They had seen nothing of Faith, but she still worried about it often enough. She worried both for Faith herself _and_ for Giles.

It was not an ideal state to be in when trying to pass classes, and she needed to hit things.

"But Giles won't just spar with me!" she complained at lunch a few days later. "Sure we train, and it's a whole lot more intensive than it used to be, since he can get a whole lot more involved and not get tired and all—but he doesn't want to just, you know, go at it."

Xander raised an eyebrow as they sat outside at one of the picnic tables, eating. "May I ask _why_ you want to beat the crap out of your Watcher?"

"I don't want to do _that_, and it wouldn't be that way now anyway. That's why I want to know what would happen. It's driving me nuts."

"Isn't that kind of a funny thing to let drive you nuts?" Willow questioned.

"Not really," Oz commentened.

Xander shrugged. "I'd kinda like to see that match myself."

Willow crossed her arms and scowled. "You guys are not helping."

Buffy chuckled. "Sorry, guys; didn't mean to start an argument. I'm just really high-strung right now. Faith could come back any time, or...I don't know. Training is helping take the edge off, just not enough."

She'd gone out with Scott a couple more times since the film festival, and their going out was slowly becoming less casual—in a good way. That was helping, too, but again...not quite enough. She was going to be on edge until this whole thing with Faith was resolved somehow, but for now she was doing okay in the interim.

However, walking into the library the next afternoon to find the others sitting around in a bit of a stupor did nothing to help the not-being-on-edge. She was in a good mood after meeting the school counselor, Mr. Platt, but the good mood disappeared when she heard about the murder the night before and the possibility that Oz had gotten out of his cage.

Yeah. This was _just_ what they needed now. Good job, life.

Giles suggested first that Buffy patrol the woods to search for whatever else might have done the deed, while the others checked the morgue to get a look at the body and he looked into some research materials at hme. Then they all realized that left no one to watch Oz. Giles looked at Willow, Xander, and Coredlia.

"Oh, well...one of you will have to remain here, then."

Then everyone was looking at Cordelia.

She blinked. "What?"

Xander let out a breath. "Sorry, Cordy. Willow has to do her stuff at the morgue, and as of right now I don't think anybody would agree to letting _me_ do it."

Buffy glanced quickly at Giles, and it was immediately obvious that he was a bit peeved. It mood was what was cowing Xander at the moment. Apparently even dead stodgy British types could get annoyed. She had to admit—assuming that the uncertainty was abounding because the Scooby on watch had fallen asleep—that she wasn't having the warmest fuzzy feelings for Xander at the moment herself.

She took a deep breath as Cordelia, without much choice, reluctantly agreed, and reminded herself that everyone made mistakes. Granted, most mistakes didn't have the possibility of getting people killed, but...well, she too was responsible for the kind that did.

It was late, and Oz had to head into the book cage once the decisions were made. Willow tried to say goodbye for the night, but he wasn't in the mood for talking, and Buffy stopped her just outside the library doors for a hug before she and Xander went their own way to prepare for the great morgue heist. She squeezed Xander's arm, too, before they walked off, and he seemed grateful for the understanding look she gave him. Then they were gone, Giles would be back in the library with Cordelia and Oz for at least another half hour or so until it got dark, and Buffy had dinner to grab at home and an important patrol to get changed for.

The was the last she remembered of her world in its new state seeming even semi-normal—before it was turned upside-down on her yet again.


	17. Chapter 17

Wow, sorry ya'll. Had school and work and tests and studying and no time to finish this until today. here you go though! And it's long. :) I hope you like it, and please do review so I know ya'll are still out there? Pretty please? :) Thanks so much for all your support so far! And don't worry; I didn't forget about Faith. There was just this stuff to get out of the way first. So anyway, can't wait to hear from ya'l!! And ya'll have a great weekend! Thanks!

Chapter 17

The floor of the mansion was carpeted, but that didn't keep it from being cold. No matter how long Buffy sat here, it never seemed to get warmer.

The last forty-eight hours or so was mostly a blur. Oz had never gotten out of his cage; the murder had been the work of one of Sunnydale's own students, hopped up on some weird potion he'd made himself to be stronger, allegedly to make sure his girlfriend wouldn't leave him.

It had only turned him into a monster.

Pete had been one of Scott's best friends for most of their lives, as had his girlfriend, Debbie. Now both of them were dead, and Scott wasn't talking much. Buffy was still concerned about Scott, but that wasn't what had turned the last couple of days into a whirlwind.

No, that honor went to Angel.

When she'd gone to patrol the woods two nights ago as Giles had suggested, she'd found him. Or rather, he'd found her. Something had bowled her over, and when she looked up from the ground...well, she quite literally hadn't believed her eyes. It was Angel's face, but the man in front of her had been wild, feral—not much more than an animal. After a bit of a fight she'd managed to knock him out and bring him here, where she'd chained him because she didn't know what else to do.

Then she ran.

She ran to the library, giving a grateful Cordelia the rest of the night off, and she'd stayed there. She'd spent the rest of the night researching, trying to come up with any explanation at all.

Was it even Angel, really? There wasn't any doubt in Buffy's mind now, but she hadn't known at all then. The scorch marks on the carpet right where Acathla had stood that outlined the shape of his body had been a decent clue that something was going on, but she hadn't been sure it was Angel until last night. The day had gone by in a jumble of clue falling together and action being taken that ended with both Debbie and Pete dead. Pete had killed Debbie, and Pete himself...

Angel had killed Pete. He'd broken the chains and come to find her, and he showed up, game face on, just when Pete was at least momentarily getting the upper hand on Buffy.

After that was over was when Angel had slowly had walked up to her, his face slipping back to human form, and whispered her name. There was recognition in his eyes before he dropped to his knees and cried as he held onto her, and Buffy hadn't been able to get herself from crying, too.

It was Angel. He was back. What she didn't know was why or exactly how.

Buffy sat on the floor of the main room, resting against a wall as she watched Angel sleep. His soul was intact, as it had been just before he—she—

But he wasn't all right. Not yet. He slept restlessly, sometimes curling up like the animal he'd seemed to be when she first saw him two nights ago, and when he was awake he was skittish. He hadn't really said anything else, since last night. She'd spent the day at school worrying about him, and that was what had turned this day, too, into an incomprehensible blur in her mind, She remembered talking to Scott, trying to comfort him, and her friends talking about what happened. She vaguely remembered hours of classes she hadn't at all paid attention to.

From the day before that, she didn't remember much anymore beyond the fact that the murder case had been solved and Oz's name, human and wolf, had been cleared. Also, though, she quite vividly remembered accidentally shooting Giles in the back with the tranquilizer gun in the library when Debbie shoved her arm...

Yeah. Tranquilizer guns worked on vampires, all right. Maybe it didn't keep them down as long as a human would be out, but either way they'd ended up with a perfectly hilarious prat fall from her Watcher. Not that there had been much time for laughing then _or_ now. Buffy certainly didn't feel like laughing anyway. She didn't know what to do anymore, but she hadn't told Giles about Angel. She didn't know how to tell _anyone_, but she certainly didn't know how to tell Giles.

How could she? Angel—Angelus—had tortured him, and was at least indirectly responsible for what had happened to him after that. She'd felt awkward enough mentioning Angel to him at all in the conversation she'd had with Giles that first morning when she'd woken up in the library. She'd put Angel's return out as hypothetical, saying she'd had a dream, and she felt bad enough even now about how much the subject had seemed to trouble him, but she'd needed answers—anything. She hadn't found much in the books.

She'd been too distracted at the time to apologize to Giles, and somewhere in the back of her mind she noted that she should probably do that sometime soon. After all, they'd gotten a lot closer since...well, since he died, as strange as it was to realize it, and she owed him that. For that matter, shouldn't she be telling him about this? About Angel? If she could do that, maybe _he_ could help her tell the others...

But she was afraid. She trusted Giles. She trusted him with her life, but...this was different. She didn't know how he would react. She didn't know what he might do. That sounded horrible when she really thought about it, and maybe the fear was irrational, but it was there. And—

And oh god, Faith was still out there. That on top of all of this.

Buffy didn't know what to feel anymore. She didn't know what to think. She didn't know what she should do. She only knew that she felt utterly, hopelessly lost.

She cried a little, there on the cold floor of the mansion, but Angel didn't wake up.

* * *

Once Sunnydale High had gotten over the shock of what had happened to Debbie and Pete—which didn't take long for anyone no matter _which_ of the rumors they believed, seeing as strange was rather normal here—it became apparent in the cheering of the atmosphere that Homecoming was on the approach. Giles had hoped that might give Buffy a chance to cheer up and to stop forever worrying about Faith long enough to enjoy herself for while.

The upcoming dance was indeed having that affect on the others, but Buffy was worse than before. He could tell she wasn't paying her classes any mind. She came to training after school, but she rarely spoke more than she needed to. She disappeared as soon as each session was over, and she'd stopped pressuring him to really spar with her. He hadn't agreed before because they'd just begun training again, for the first time since Buffy and her friends' junior year had ended in a blaze, and he had wanted to ease back into it. He wanted it to be about teaching and learning, as it should be, not about which of them could best the other in a fight now. Not that he himself wouldn't like to test his own training against a Slayer with the strength he knew he'd gained, but it hadn't been the time for that.

Now though, Giles was worried about her. He was desperate for any kind of real response from Buffy at all, to let him know she was all right somewhere under...whatever was going on, whether it was simply too much concentration on existing problems or there was something he didn't know about.

So one Friday, before she left and the weekend swallowed her, he threw out the idea.

"I suppose we could give it a go," he said as she gathered her things. "Once Homecoming is past us."

Buffy glanced up in confusion. "What?"

Rupert smiled a bit. "I would think you would know what I mean. Perhaps you haven't mentioned it recently, but you_ did_ spend the first week of training nagging me about it endlessly."  
She blinked and stared at him. "Oh." Then she frowned. "Why _after_ Homecoming?"

"I may not fully appreciate the ritual of these school dances, but I wouldn't want to ruin for you. I imagine you'll be in a bad mood once I've gotten the better of you."

To his relief, she smirked some at that. "Yeah. Whatever, Giles. Keep dreaming." She shrugged. "It doesn't matter anyway. I'm not going to Homecoming."

His eyebrows went up. "Why on earth not? I should say you could use the distraction. As for that, so could I. Faculty is invited, of course, and I may show up myself if for no other reason than for something to do."

"Ooohhh yeah. And after that you'll chaperone prom."

Giles grimaced. "Actually, Principle Snyder has already informed the staff well ahead of time that we have no choice in that matter this year."

Buffy let out a strangled sound that came from trying to contain a laugh. "Oh. Wow. Do you guys have to dress up and everything?"

"Yes," he admitted grudgingly.

"Snyder doesn't waste time planning out how he's gonna humiliate his next few dozen people, huh?" she observed sagely.

"It would appear not," Giles grumbled, remembering the staff meeting at the beginning of the year with renewed annoyance. But perhaps it wouldn't be so bad, really. Like graduation afterward senior prom was a milestone for young people such as Buffy and her friends, and he supposed it wouldn't be awful to be there to see it.

But that wasn't why he'd started this conversation. Now that Buffy was talking he opened his mouth to ask if she was all right, but she was already turning to go. Before her back was to him he saw that she was still smiling though, and she called over her shoulder as she pushed through the library's swinging doors.

"Gotta motor, but thanks, Giles. You made my day."

Well that was something, anyway.

* * *

An expert evasion had kept her from having to answer the question of _why_ she probably wasn't going to go to Homecoming, and Buffy was definitely glad of it. It was such a small, silly thing, really, in the grand scheme of things, that she didn't want to have to explain it to Giles. He wouldn't understand the whole but-she-didn't-have-a-date thing. The whole situation was actually pretty annoying. She and Scott were going out, for lack of a better turn, and he hadn't asked her yet. It seemed like a dumb thing to worry about when there was Faith to look out for and Angel to rehabilitate, but she was a teenage girl, after all. She'd already bought the tickets and everything. She just had no one to share them with.

Either way, it had been pretty obvious what Giles's whole goal had been back there, and she was appreciative of the attempt to cheer her up. It had even worked a little. So that night she dressed a little nicer and determined to go out to the Bronze instead of going sitting at home or going to check on Angel. Though she would probably do that last part on the way home anyway, but...

No. She wasn't going to think about any of it for the rest of the night. Not at all. Not while she was at the Bronze, anyway. Giles had said himself that she needed a distraction, and maybe he was right. Okay...he _was_ right. _Giles_ would never say anything like that unless it were really true.

Unfortunately, conversation at the Bronze that night inevitably turned toward the upcoming dance. Cordelia wanted a limo, and they were all discussing the probability of sharing one when Willow trailed off suggestively in the middle of a sentence about splitting the cost and looked at her.

Buffy blinked and sat up, because she'd zoned out the moment Homecoming was mentioned the first time. "Um...maybe. You know if I go and all."

"Why wouldn't you go? You already have your tickets. I mean unless you don't have a da—"

And that moment just had to be the moment that Scott walked up.

"—a-ay...or two...to think about it. We should all...think about it," she finished awkwardly, as quickly as she could."

_Nice save, Will. _

Then, of course, Cordelia ruined it. "What's going on here? Did Scott not ask her to the Homecoming dance yet?"

She grimaced. "Thanks, Cordelia. Humiliation's really good for my color."

Somehow though, it wasn't a disaster. Instead, she ended up with a date after all, with Scott. She left the Bronze happy at first.

Then she remembered that she should probably make another delivery to Angel, and the happy dissolved into the confusing melancholy she always felt whenever she went to the mansion.

Angel was still kind of jittery half the time, and the curtains that covered the side door snapped open just before she could reach up to pull one out of the way herself.

"It's just me," she said apologetically. She handed over the bag with the blood she'd picked up for him. He took it silently and turned away, and she stepped inside a little after him. "How are you feeling?" she asked.

"It hurts...less," he said quietly.

She wasn't sure whether he meant mentally or physically or simply both, but...

"Good," she nodded. She didn't know what else to say. They hadn't spoken much at all, and it didn't seem like that was going to change just yet. Then she stopped again and turned back. If they were ever going to really talk at all, maybe she should be the one to get started.

Angel certainly didn't seem to know what to do with himself...and he had a right, at least, to know that...that she wasn't his anymore. God, she wanted to be, but it couldn't happen. They both knew that. She hated it, but it was true. Now they knew what would happen if they tried to be together. It couldn't work. He would have to know about Giles, too...but not that this time. Not yet. He was still a little too unstable for that.

"I haven't told Giles and the others that...you're back," she began, not sure how much she was actually going to say.

Angel still had his back to her, but she saw him jerk a little, as if remembering. "Giles..." he whispered.

Buffy froze for a moment, wondering if he already knew what Drusilla had done before he awaken Acathla. But he didn't say anything else.

She swallowed. "I don't know...when I will," she said slowly. "I'll have to tell Giles, at least, but I don't know how I can. They might not understand that you're...better. And I'm gonna keep helping you _get_ better." She paused. "It's just that everything's different now: I'm a senior, I'm really working harder in school...I'm even thinking about college." She hesitated again. She didn't really want to add anything else, but she knew she had to. "And...I'm involved with someone."

He turned around quickly, eyes a little wide, and she hadn't been expecting it. She actually jerked back a little, and Angel's eyes held apology. Silently he reached out to straighten the collar of her jacket, and it wasn't until than that she realized it was the was one he'd given her, what seemed like so long ago now. Then he turned away again, but he didn't walk away.

"His name is Scott," she continued quietly. "He's a nice, solid guy. He makes me happy..and that's what I need—someone I can count on."

She could count on Giles, and she could count on her friends, but if she was going to be in a relationship with anyone she wanted to be able to count on them, too. It wasn't meant as a jab at Angel at all...it was just the truth. And right now she didn't know _what _to expect from him. She didn't know even if he would ever really be himself again.

And then there was the whole it-could-never-work thing...

* * *

"I don't think we should see each other anymore."

Buffy had to blink at Scott a few times before that processed. "You don't?" It had only been a few days since the night at the Bronze when he agreed to go to Homecoming with her, and she didn't understand at all where this could be coming from. "When did this happen? Where was I?"

Scott shifted uncomfortably. "Buffy, it's just...before we were going out, you-you seemed so...full of life, like a force of nature. Now you just seem distracted all the time and—"

"Wait. I'm getter better. Honest. In fact, from here on you are gonna see a drastic distraction reduction." She even tried to make a joke out of that last part, something about ten times fast, but he wasn't buying it.

"I'm really sorry," he said.

Then he walked away, leaving Buffy on the sidewalk. She stared after him, and swallowed once he was out of sight.

Well...there went her chance to assert her emotional independence from Angel.

Now what?

She spent the rest of the day in a funk, but by the time she got to school the next day the crushed feeling had hardened into a pit of anger in her stomach. She was supposed to deal with _this_? Over everything else? Maybe it was petty, there was that teenage girl thing. She could be petty every now and then if she wanted to be. It was an almost-comforting counterpoint to the way-too-grown-up she had to be to go out and fight vampires and demons and stare death in the face every night.

Buffy didn't mean to bother her friends with it, or anyone else for that matter, but the frustration came out in training that afternoon. It was hard to phase Giles anymore, but after a few minutes of punching the crap out of the black pads on his hands he was actually shaking them out and grimacing.

"Good lord, Buffy. Is something wrong?"

She paced away from him and picked up her drink from where it rested on top of the card index cabinet next to the book cage. "It's nothing."

"I may not be an expert in the meaning of the moods of young women, Buffy, but I know _you_ at least well enough to know that it is by no means 'nothing.'"

"Fine, so it's not nothing. But it doesn't matter," she shrugged, taking a swig of juice from her bottle. "No big deal," she said as she set the bottle down again. When she turned around Giles was looking at her, and she looked back for a long moment before she spit it out anyway. "Scott broke up with me."

Now why did she say that? It was harder to not be straight with Giles these days...

He raised an eyebrow. "You and this boy were...I believe the phrase is 'going out?'" He hadn't really known about it, beyond what he might have overheard from her talking to her friends whenever they were in the library. It just didn't seem like a part of her life Giles would really need or care to know about. The whole dating thing.

"Yeah. For a little while. Now we're not, and that's the end of it."

He cocked his head at her a bit in sympathy. "I'm sorry." It was a good attempt, but it was a far cry from the loud exclamations of a girlfriend about killing mentioned boy-who-broke-up-with-their-best-friend. That would have been the reaction she would have gotten from every single friend she'd had at Hemery High, and now that she thought about it maybe she liked this better anyway. Every single friend she'd had at Hemery High had been shallow and superficial, and none of those loud exclamations ever really meant anything at all.

Buffy had to give him a small smile. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

She was shaking out her own hands, loosening up, ready to get back to the training, and then she stopped abruptly as the anger started bubbling up again even though she really just wanted to forget Scott and anything to do with him. "Can we just fight now?" she asked suddenly.

Giles blinked. "What?"

"Come on. You want to do it and I want to do it and I really need to fight and it is _so _not getting dark fast enough."

Her Watcher looked at her for a moment, and the way she was feeling right now and what she needed must have been clear enough on her face, because he nodded silently. She was glad she didn't have to explain herself any further. She didn't know that she could.

Giles's jacket was already over a chair at the table, but now he pulled off the suspenders and the tie and the collared shirt, too. In a moment he was down to the white t-shirt underneath. Buffy knew vampires didn't really sweat, so she wondered for a second or two why it mattered until she remembered the mobility thing. It was why she was in workout clothes now, after all.

Then he looked around the room uncertainly, and she chuckled a little. "If you promise not to break the furniture, so do I."

"I would appreciate that, yes," he said dryly, in full-on Watcher voice. It was weird to hear that at that particular moment, considering there was no official beginning and they went straight to circling each other warily from there. She was pretty sure this wasn't exactly normal Watcher-Slayer behavior, considering that no human could ever be a match for a Slayer.

For the first time, Buffy really wondered what she was getting into here. She wondered, too, what the rest of the future was going to look like. If—_when_, this being Sunnydale—things got hairy around here again, Giles was going to be able to fight alongside her, which was also not normal as far as Watchers went. Actually, from what she'd heard he had already been a little unorthodox for a Watcher _before_ he was turned, but now it was even more different.

She couldn't help thinking about Angel, too. She wished she could know if he would ever really all right again—if _they_ would ever fight together again, even if they couldn't be together.

Buffy couldn't remember, later, who made the first move. She thought maybe they both moved at once. She only remembered that she and Giles were circling, and then they weren't. She learned quickly that all of the offhand comments on both sides about her Watcher really knowing his stuff no matter what it seemed like had always been exactly right. He knew his stuff.

She knew she was made to be at least a little stronger than most vampires, and that she had instinct they didn't. That was all so she could do her job in taking care of them. Giles, however, was much more skilled, she had to admit to herself. She'd been fighting since she was 15, but she was only 17 now. She only had two years or so of training under her belt, and Giles had a lifetime plus the strength he had now. Buffy also had a good deal of field experience, as well as her own strength and those instincts.

It didn't take long to figure out that in the end they were pretty evenly matched.

After a few moments they both pushed back and circled again. "You're not holding back, are you?" she questioned.

"Of course not. I was under the impression you were having a poor day and that doing such a thing wouldn't help."

"You've got that right. Seriously. If you are—"

"Buffy."

She shut up, and she lunged at him. He easily blocked the side kick she aimed at his chest, but she used the momentum her leg gained on the way back down to swing her body around and get in a good punch that _would_ have landed across his jaw if he hadn't moved. Instead it caught him higher in the face, which didn't distract long enough for her to land anything else before he struck back. That blow only got her in the shoulder, and she spun and tried again.

It lasted a while longer, until Buffy was starting to breathe harder and sweat, and it was becoming more and more annoying that Giles would never have to do either of those things again. Not annoying in a she-was-actually-aggravated-with-him way, but in the light way that meant this fighting thing was doing her some good.

She was only beginning to get tired, and everything swimming around in her head was going away for the moment, getting into it, but in the end it _was_ all still up there. She was a little distracted, no matter how hard she tried not to be, and in the end she slipped up. She made an advance, but she didn't cover herself well enough. Giles flipped her over, and she landed on her back on the new library table—new seeing as one of the old ones had been broken a few short weeks ago in the fiasco with Pete and Debbie and a wolfed-out Oz.

Buffy landed with a loud whoosh of air that escaped her mouth, and it took a second before she could breathe again. Giles's face appeared leaning over her, and he was in concerned mode already.

"Buffy? I'm sorry; are you all right?"

"Just peachy," she grunted, sitting up. He had a hand at her elbow as she did. "And no apologizing. I _wanted_ a fair fight." She winced a little and rubbed at her back, stretching it. "Guess you gave me one."

Seeing that she was fine, he went to the chair that held the rest of his clothes and started pulling on his olive-green button-up shirt again. "It was a good exercise," he agreed wholeheartedly. "I quite enjoyed it. And your form is coming along well."

She smirked at him as she swung her legs off the edge of the table. "This was supposed to be 'let Buffy work off steam,' not 'let's analyze for training purposes later.'"

"A Watcher can't multi-task?"

Buffy rolled her eyes at him and hopped to the floor. "Whatever. It helped either way. Thanks."

Giles smiled gently at her. "Of course."

She smiled weakly, resisting the urge to let it slid into a winced as she suddenly remembered again what she was hiding from him. "Just don't think you're not going down next time," she said, because he would expect her to say something like that. "Anyway, I-I'd better go...Mom'll be happier if I get some dinner before I go out on patrol."

He had everything but his jacket back on now, and he was straightening his tie as he nodded. Buffy let out a breath, gathered her things, and headed home.

* * *

Homecoming, what with this being Sunnydale and it being Buffy's life, had to be a disaster. It started the next day when she discovered that she'd missed picture-taking for the yearbook, and that it was largely Cordelia's fault. That sparked her sudden decision to run for homecoming queen against Xander's girlfriend, and made the last week before the dance a blur of ridiculous efforts and anger.

She didn't know why she did it. She was already on edge, no matter how much the spar with Giles had helped for a little while, and the picture thing set her off. She'd also found out that same day that her favorite teacher didn't even remember her, and her reasoning at the time she made the decision to run was that she had to do something to make someone remember her once she left this school.

It didn't help that every single one of her friends were, willingly or not, on Cordelia's side. Giles, though he didn't really understand the importance, was the only one firmly behind her. He obviously thought it was all a bit silly, but he seemed happy that she was getting involved at school somehow. She wasn't sure just what was up with the others, but Willow and Xander had started acting strangely. She didn't have the time to over-analyze it, and she didn't let it bother her. They had their reasons for helping Cordelia, and as far as she could tell it was no reflection on their friendship. As far as she was concerned she and her friends were just fine. They just happened to be helping her current sworn enemy.

Oh well. Buffy was sure everything would go back to normal as soon as this Homecoming nonsense was over. She found out sooner than that though, that they cared. She found out when she found herself in the rented limo alone with Cordelia, in their friends' whacked-out version of an intervention into the fight between the two that had only been getting worse all week.

After that there was the not-ending-up-at-the-Bronze and the videotape and the people hunting them in the woods trying to kill them who thought Cordelia was Faith and they were after _both_ Slayers, instead of one plus a panicked would-be Homecoming queen. They were being_ hunted_. Buffy had fought for her life before, but this was entirely different. This scared her.

Apparently Trick had skipped town for a while after Kakistos's dusting and hadn't gotten the memo that Faith had rabbited weeks ago herself. Buffy and Cordelia ended up holed up in an abandoned cabin long enough to have a bit of a talk, and by the time they escaped an explosion and barely made it back to the school with their lives, they were getting along much better—for now, anyway. But the fight had been stupid in the first place. They'd both known it from the beginning, but...well...maybe the power of talking something out shouldn't be so often underestimated, Buffy considered.

It wasn't over though, per usual. They found Giles in the library standing over the dust of what he said had been a certain familiar cowboy-vamp and his new girl, and they thought they'd avoided the other shoe. Then came the Germans. Buffy didn't have long to come up with a plan, but discovering the tracking system in the corsages helped. Minutes later the twin hit-men had shot each other full of holes through a wall thinking they were each taking out a Slayer, and it really was over.

Both girls looked a mess, but their dresses were plenty intact enough that they didn't waste time asking Giles for a ride to the Bronze so they could get there before the queen was announced. He agreed, and it turned out he was almost as eager to hear the results as they were.

Neither of them won. It was a tie between the other two candidates. While the slightly smarter one gushed and the other one stood on stage smiling stupidly, Buffy and Cordelia exchanged a glance and left the Bronze again, rolling their eyes at each other and walking out to the street together and leaving Giles, Willow, Xander, and Oz inside trapped in the cacophony.

Cordelia sighed once they were outside. She took a deep breath and let it out, as if tasting the night, and them promptly made a face. "Okay. I've had enough fresh air for...forever. I may never set foot in woods again." She look over at Buffy. "I'm calling for a ride home. You want a ride too?"

Buffy felt a sudden chill run up her spine as she remembered everything that had just happened tonight, and she winced and shrugged. "If your mom or dad or driver or whatever can drop me back at the library, sure. Thanks."

"Okay, but we're not actually driving into the building this time..."

* * *

Giles stayed long enough to not be considered rude, but as soon as the excitement from the coronation had died down he excused himself and headed back to the library again. There was a mess to clean up before he went home. He looked for Buffy at the Bronze before he left, but neither she nor Cordelia were anywhere to be seen.

When he made it back to the library Giles stepped into his office for the broom and found Buffy, curled up in the extra chair in the corner by his desk. She still wore the slightly abused orange homecoming dress, but she'd washed her face and arms, let her hair down, and brushed it out since he'd last seen her. Her scuffed high-heeled sandals were on the floor in front of the chair, and her legs were curled on the seat. Her cheek was in her hand and she looked as if she'd fallen asleep. The last time he'd found her like this had been only a few weeks ago, and she'd been up in the stacks then.

"Buffy?"

"I'm not asleep," she said. "I'm just wishing I could be." She opened her eyes and looked at him, and Rupert couldn't quite place a finger on the expression on her face. "I figured you'd come back here; you wouldn't leave the library a mess until Monday."

"True, though that does nothing to explain why _you_ are here."

Buffy sighed and sat up, letting her feet touch the floor now. "We need to talk."

"It couldn't wait? I'm sure you're exhausted."

She shook her head firmly. "No, this really can't wait. It's waited long enough." She sat back again some in her chair, and made a face. "It's just that I was thinking…I mean, it's not that I've never been hunted before...there those that assassin organization and The Three and everything...but it's never been like that. Sure there a lot of demons out there who'd like to see me dead, but…never like that—trapped in the woods and unprepared with no weapons...I was scared, Giles," she said, her voice falling to a whisper with the last sentence.

Giles looked at her kindly, and came closer to rest against the edge of his desk, facing her. "That's perfectly understandable."

"Maybe, but that's not what I'm talking about. I was mostly afraid something was going happen and-and I'd be gone and you'd never see me again and then you'd find out anyway somehow and then you'd just end up hating me, and the others would too, and…"

He frowned. "Buffy, what are you talking about?"

She let out a breath. "Sorry, it's…hard to explain…but I have to. You need to know. I-I don't know how to tell the others yet, but you should know, and I um…I should have told you before now, I guess, but I was …I guess I was scared about that, too," she said, staring at her clasped hands in her lap.

"Is something wrong?" he asked immediately, already worried.

Buffy hesitated. "Yes and no." She sighed and stood up, pacing the tile floor of his office on her bare feet. He wanted to ask if she were cold, because he wouldn't know seeing as temperature didn't usually bother or really even register with the average vampire one way or the other, but then she spoke again.

"Do you remember the morning you found me in here? After the night Cordelia was supposed to be watching Oz? And we talked?"

All too vividly. "I do."

She stopped pacing for a moment. "Can you promise me you won't freak out?"

Giles didn't know where she was going with this, but for some reason he could already feel a pit of dread hardening in his stomach. "I can promise I'll try."

Buffy looked at him for a moment, and then resumed pacing. She took a deep breath now. "You remember…what we talked about, right?"

"Yes. Why?" he asked, forcing himself not to sound anxious.

For the longest time she didn't answer. She paced and crossed her arms and chewed a thumbnail, and he waited. He didn't want to wait, but he waited, because he should. Finally Buffy slowed to a halt again, and her arms were still crossed tightly in front of her, but she faced him from a few feet away. She wouldn't quite look at him. "I don't know how to say this," she said quietly, "but…it wasn't a dream, Giles."

It took a moment to realize what she meant, because he didn't want to hear it. _Angel._ The thought sent gut-wrenching terror through his very soul, which meant something since his soul was the only unchanged piece of himself that he had left.

He opened his mouth, but nothing came out, and he didn't know what kind of expression he had on his face but when Buffy looked up her eyes widened a little.

"I'm sorry," she blurted. "I would have told you sooner, but I didn't know how. I didn't know how you'd react. I _know _that's stupid but I'm not perfect, okay? I didn't know what to do. It's not like I ever _thought_ this would happen. A-Angel was supposed to be gone. I was supposed to be able to get past it and…_him_, and move on with my life. We all were. And then he just drops out of nowhere…"

Buffy said more, but Rupert's eyes dropped to the floor and a buzzing rose in his ears. He didn't hear anything after that—not until he saw feet instead of floor and heard Buffy's insistent voice calling his name.

"Giles? Giles?"

He blinked and looked up again, slowly, and Buffy was looking back with such remorse that he couldn't be angry. He still felt sick, but he couldn't be angry with her. She was trying to do the right thing. He wished—or did he?—that she'd done it sooner, but…

"Are you okay?" she asked worriedly.

Either way, he answered truthfully. "I'm not sure." It came out a little less steady than he'd really wanted.

"I'm sorry…" she said again.

"It's hardly your fault this has happened—however it's happened."

"I know…but I should have told you."

"You've told me now, haven't you?"

"I should have done it sooner."

He looked away for a moment. "I won't disagree, but…I can understand why you felt the way you did."

She swallowed and sat on the edge of the chair she'd been in before. "He was…like you said he'd be that morning we talked, at first. When I found him that night he wasn't really much more than an animal. I tried to restrain him, to make sure he wasn't hurting anybody, but he got out. He was the one who killed Pete, though I don't think he really meant to _kill_ him, he...he just wanted to save me." She shrugged and look at the floor. "That was when he started to come back. He's not exactly himself again yet, but he's getting there, and it is _him_, Giles. He's…better."

"The soul that was given back at the last moment returned with him," Rupert clarified quietly.

"Yeah…"

That should have helped. That should have made it all right, but it didn't. He _knew_ it hadn't been Angel who hurt him or killed Jenny just like he knew it hadn't been him who bit Buffy back in May, but emotions were irrational. And the fact that Buffy hadn't told him this for weeks didn't help. He understood, to a point, but it didn't help.

Giles didn't want to ask the next question, but it had to be asked. "Are you...the two of you—"

"No," she said quickly, looking up at him. "I'm just helping him get back on his feet. That's all I can really do, and I _know_ that. I promise."

He believed her, though that didn't stop him for worrying. He looked back at her for a long moment, not knowing where to go from here in this conversation. He was still trying to process the fact that they were having it. "You still love him." It wasn't a question.

Buffy glanced away for a moment. "I'll always love him."

"I wouldn't expect anything different. It's not quite the same, as she's gone, but I know I will always love Jenny." Rupert paused, gathering his thoughts and his words slowly. "And I will never stop caring for you and Willow and Xander and the others too. I wouldn't want any of you to be in any danger that could have been prevented," he said carefully.

"I know that, Giles," she sighed. "Angel is okay. He's not going to hurt anyone."

"I understand that. I just want you to be careful."

She managed to smile a little now. "Hasn't that kind of been our motto lately?"

Giles had to smile back at that, if it was a little weak. "I suppose it has."

She was nodding, and she stopped and studied him. "So...how's that 'okay' thing coming?"

He knew she wouldn't accept a lie, especially when he'd been truthful the first time, so he didn't chance it. "Not particularly well," he admitted.

Buffy winced. "I'm so sorry; I know how many bad memories...

"Again, you're hardly responsible. We don't know what did this."

She told him about the scorch marks on the floor of the mansion. "That was the only clue I could find. Do you have any idea what might do that?"

He shook his head. "None. That is one reason you must be very careful, Buffy. We don't know who or what sent or brought him back, or why."

She sighed, a little dejected, and dropped back to curl up in the chair again. "I guess with _our_ lives we can't just sit back and accept a miracle at face value, huh?"

"I don't know," Giles said quietly. But for the fact that it would mean he would never have met Buffy or any of the others, sometimes he wished the mantle of Slayer wasn't placed on girls so young. It was so much to put on their shoulders. It forced them to grow up so quickly. Though she had a way to go yet, in the nearly two years since he had first encountered Buffy she had come so far.

They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes, Rupert digesting and trying to squelch down the panic that had risen at first, and Buffy...well, he wasn't sure. But she stayed, and she was the one to finally break the silence.

"Are we okay?" she asked very, very softly.

Giles's eyebrows went up as he looked quickly at her. "Of course."

She smiled again. "Good. I went through a lot to keep you around, you know; it would kinda suck if you hated me." He held out a hand, she took it and let him help her to her feet. "God, I'm exhausted."

"Let me take you home."

"Nah. I mean, yeah, sure, but I'll help you clean up first. Then we can _both_ go home."

"Are you sure?"

Buffy shook her head at him, grabbed the broom from the corner and swept past out into the main library. "You are so mentally challenged; can't you get_ simple_ stuff the first time? I'm helping, and then we're both leaving. Come on; move it before I change my mind."

He watched her for a moment, and the roiling in his stomach finally settled. No, the subject was not over and no, Angel's return was not ideal—at least to him—but it was going to be all right. Maybe she was right; maybe there was nothing to worry about. Perhaps it _was_, simply, a miracle.

Giles's very existence at the moment proved that sometimes Buffy could still let her emotions rule her, but the fact that she had told him about Angel of her own free will meant something. It meant she trusted him, and it meant much more than that. He was her Watcher, and she was his Slayer, and that hadn't changed because he had. Now, in fact, he sure the connection was even stronger than before.

If that held true, they would always be all right.


	18. Chapter 18

Still busy with the end of school and finals and graduation stuff and work, so this took a little while too, but it's really long for you! :) I hope ya'll enjoy it, and I can't wait to hear back from ya'll. Thanks so much for being patient! School will be over after this week, so don't worry. :)

Chapter 18

It was starting to get cooler at night, and Buffy shivered a little in her light jacket as she patrolled. The action was seriously lacking tonight. She'd only dusted one vamp and it had been an easy, right-out-of-the-grave staking, while the thing was still too confused to know what had hit it. Nights like this made her tense, like waiting for the other shoe to drop, so it was no surprise when she nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of a twig snapping behind her.

She suppressed her reaction and froze instead of jumping five feet in the air, though. Good. Deep breath. Listen...

It wasn't moving. Whatever it was was right behind her. Three...two...o—

"It's just me."

At the voice Buffy spun, her stake ready, and frowned at the girl behind her. "Considering that you _stabbed me in the arm_ last time I saw you, that's not really very comforting."

Faith scowled back, arms crossed. "Hey, I apologized for that. And take a chill pill; look, no weapons," she said, holding up both hands.

Buffy looked at her for a moment, and tentatively lowered her arms as Faith did the same. "If you try anything on Giles, you know I'll stop you. So would he, but I'm the one that's not afraid to hurt you."

"Yeah, I kinda got that." Then the other Slayer's expression softened just a little. "Hey, is your arm okay?"

She blinked. "Yeah. It's fine. You ought to know we heal fast."

Faith shrugged. "I know...just makin' sure. I really didn't mean to do that, you know."

"No, you were just trying to kill my Watcher," Buffy answered hotly.

"Do we have to go over the he's-already-dead deal again?" Buffy started to retort, but Faith held up both hands for a moment and shook her head. "Wait. No. Nevermind. I did _not _come here for another argument."

"Then what_ did _you come back for?"  
The newer Slayer let out a breath. "You got _me_. Look, I'm not...okay with this."

"You mean with Giles."

"No. I don't like it."

"Then I repeat the question: Why are you here? You didn't have to come back."

Faith looked at her for a long moment, and finally shrugged. "You and I both know I got nowhere else to go. No one else in this crappy world that I'd ever care to see again knows me from Adam, so..."

Buffy's eyebrows went up, and what was left of her defensive stance dissolved as she straightened. Was Faith asking for help? "That offer still stands," she said quietly. "The one where you can stay here and work with me until the council can send another Watcher for you."

The other Slayer's mouth pressed into a thin line for a few seconds. "As long as I promise not to dust _your_ Watcher."

"That would be the general idea, yeah."

Faith shrugged. "Fine."

Buffy narrowed her eyes. "Just like that? What am I missing?"

"I'm not saying I like it, but what the hell else am I gonna do? I need somewhere to be, and it might as well be here. 'Sides, if something happens with your boy Giles and you can't do what needs to be done, I'll be around."

"Nothing is going to happen," she said tightly.

"Whatever. And look, I'm not sayin' I'll be around all the time, either, but, you know, if I gotta have a home base—"

"It might as well be here. I got that part, thanks."

Faith shrugged again. "There's more vampire action in this itty-bitty little town than the whole south side of Boston put together. I can't pass that up."

Buffy sighed. "No, I don't guess you could." She hesitated a moment, trying to decide what to do next. "Do you have a place to stay yet?" she asked finally.

"Yeah, checked back into the motel already. I'm fine."

"Giles will want to know you're back."

Faith stiffened. "Whatever."

She debated silently for a moment, and though she didn't feel completely at ease yet, she could see enough of the troubled girl through the facade that she could tell Faith wasn't lying about coming back because she had no other choice. She wasn't going to start off doing anything that would jeopardize her chances of having somewhere relatively safe to crash for a while or longer. If they could start off on the right foot this time...

Maybe there was hope for a friend here yet.

Buffy told her about the library. "We could head to Giles's place now, or—"

"Yeah, I'll just wait until tomorrow on that one."

"Right..."

* * *

Xander's ears perked up as he walked into the library the next afternoon with Willow. Buffy and Giles were near the door to the office, talking quietly, but one word—or rather, name—stuck out easily.

"Faith?" he asked.

Buffy turned out, saw them, and shrugged as she sighed a little. "Yeah. She's back, actually. I ran into her last night."

Willow's eyebrows went up. "Really? Well is she...like..."

"Still trying to kill our librarian?" Xander filled in.

"Yeah...that..."

Buffy shook her head. "At the moment, no. I think we've got an uneasy truce going." She explained the encounter from the night before in more detail.

"So she's coming here?" Xander asked.

"So...what's this mean?" Willow frowned.

"Yes, she's coming here, but no, I have no idea how this is gonna turn out for the long run. I guess I told her about the library 'cause she seemed sincere enough about just needing a place to go. I wanted to get back to the gaining her trust thing if I could."

Giles nodded. "Agreed. You did the right thing, Buffy. That should be our goal at this point."

The prospect of Faith coming back, not to mention showing up here at school, was incredibly appealing to Xander. Then he remembered Cordelia—the fact that he actually had a girlfriend now despite his complete loser status—envisioned her smacking him upside the head, and guiltily backed off on anything Faith-related in his head.

"Well, I'm glad she's coming back," Willow smiled. "I kinda missed her. So, you know, as long as she's only staking bad guys..."

"Yeah," Buffy said quickly.

"Yes, Willow, thank you," Giles was saying at the same time. Xander got the feeling that no matter how much Giles may have accepted what had happened to him, there were things he would never be quite comfortable with or used to—not for a really, really long time anyway. The fact that he could be _staked _now was apparently one of them, and Xander didn't blame him in the least. It still gave _him_ the wiggins when he thought about it.

Willow winced, and they all stared at each other for a minute or two.

"Okay, and I thought we were_ past_ the random-awkward-moment phase," Xander said eventually. Actually, the same thing a few weeks ago might not have turned out this way, but the whole Faith thing had put them _all_ on edge for a while.

Giles blinked. "Quite," he said, and looked at Willow apologetically. Xander's best friend shrugged, and they moved on. He and Willow headed to the table, and Buffy and Giles met them there where they all sat but for Buffy.

"When's she coming?" Xander asked.

"She could show up any minute; I told her where to go and when school ended," Buffy said. Then she scanned the room. "Where are Oz and Cordelia?"

"Cordy's got cheerleading practice."

Willow nodded. "And Oz has Dingoes rehearsal. They're playing the Bronze for two or three days next week."

"Well they'll find out Faith's back soon enough..."

That was when the swinging door opened, and they all twisted to watch Faith stride in nonchalantly, taking in her surroundings. "Okay, some guy that looked surprisingly like a rat said this was the library and then walked off muttering a whole lot of words I didn't think stuffy adults knew. I take it that means I'm in the right place."

"Snyder," all four present Scoobies assessed immediately.

"And _what_ is he?" Faith asked.

"The jury's still out on that one, but _human_ has been scratched from the list," Xander told her.

"He's the school's principal," Giles offered.

"Figures." She approached the table and they all stood.

No one was saying anything else yet, so Xander did. "Hey. Welcome back!"

"It's good to see you," Willow added kindly.

Giles nodded in greeting. "Faith."

The newer Slayer nodded back, though it wasn't quite clear whether she really wanted to or not. "Yeah. Hey."

This was quickly heading toward monosyllabic.

Xander cleared his throat. "So, a demon walks into a bar..."

"Not gonna work. Happens too often around here," Buffy commented.

"Very true."

Faith snorted, but she smirked a little. In amusement, he hoped. They'd had good times before she flipped out over the whole Giles-is-a-vampire thing, and he wondered if it could ever just be that way again. "Okay," she said finally. "So if I'm gettin' my story straight, you guys _want _me to stay here?"

"Of course," Giles said immediately. "We want you to have somewhere to go, Faith, and as a Slayer I'm afraid there's nowhere better than Sunnydale. It isn't the only Hellmouth, but it _is _the most active, though that isn't even the point. The point is that you are one of us—"

"Evil fighter, I think he means, when he says 'us' and all," Willow clarified.

Buffy shrugged. "And I'm a Slayer. I'm the only one besides you. I would think we should get along."

"You don't have to talk me into sticking around for a while," Faith said then. "I wouldn't have come back if I didn't plan on tryin' it. I mean, you guys seemed cool enough before, so whatever. I'm just here to lay down a few things."

"Such as?" Giles inquired.

Faith rested a fist on a hip and looked at him and Buffy specifically. "One, I don't care if the big boss in the mother country told you to look after me until someone else comes: you're not telling me what to do. I gotta admit I kinda like you, but I'm not takin' orders from a vampire. Not until I trust you, anyway. I'm gonna go where I want and do what I want. Like I told Buffy here last night, I might not always be around."

"If those are the only terms you'll agree to, I don't believe we have a choice, but you must at least expect that we will _all_ be looking out for your safety and well being. If you can accept that, then we have no problem here as of yet."

She paused for a moment, looking Giles up and down once. "Fine...but I'll be watchin' you. I see one thing that makes me think you've gone evil on us and I'm taking you out."

Giles nodded once, and he didn't blink or appear uncomfortable in any way like Xander might have expected him to. "I would expect nothing less. If anything should happen, I would _want_ you to do nothing less." He glanced out at the rest of them. "The same stands for anyone else in this room."

Xander blinked. He exchanged a glance with Willow, whose eyes had gone wide, and Buffy twisted on her Watcher.

"Excuse me?"

"You know this," he said patiently.

"No I don't!"

"Buffy—"

"Nothing is going to happen to you, Giles."

He started again, more slowly. "If something were to happen...and my soul was no longer in this body..."

"Then we'd put it back in."

"But if you couldn't; if there was no way to do it before someone was hurt—"

"It doesn't matter," Buffy cut in. "We don't have to worry about it. What would ever happen...to...your soul..." She trailed off as Giles looked at her, though Xander couldn't quite see what his expression looked like. Buffy's was clear enough, and he didn't like it. She fell silent for a long moment, and finally managed a very small, "Oh."

Xander really didn't like the sudden conclusions he was coming to, but he also got the impression that maybe they should give Watcher and Slayer a minute. He jumped up, dragging Willow with him.

"Hey, Faith! I know you just got here but there's this whole school out there we haven't had a chance to show you yet. Willow and I could give you a tour right now, right, Will?"

Willow opened her mouth to protest, glancing back at Buffy and Giles as if she wanted to say something to them, but at the look he gave her she closed her mouth and swallowed, and nodded. "Y-yeah, definitely. We could totally give you a tour. Right now is great."

Faith had been looking at Buffy and Giles, but now she finally looked at them instead. She seemed to get the vibe Xander was getting that was telling the rest of them to get scarce for now. "Yeah, sure."

"Great!" he answered, much too enthusiastically. He didn't have time to worry about toning down at the moment. He grabbed Willow's arm and made a motion for Faith to head for the door. Willow looked guiltily back at Buffy and Giles, or was it apologetically? Either way they were going to have a talk later.

Meanwhile, back by the table Giles was looking at Buffy with that concerned face and Buffy was trying_ not_ to look at Giles. Xander left with the other girls, hoping Watcher and Slayer didn't just stand there once the rest of them were gone.

* * *

Buffy stared across the library for the longest time, once Xander had left with Willow and Faith. Eventually Giles was too worried to wait any longer, but she spoke just before he could.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she demanded, hurt. "Why didn't you tell me Willow couldn't change that part of the spell? Why didn't _she_ tell me?"

"I don't believe she knew you didn't understand that."

She spun on him. "_You_ knew, didn't you?"

He winced. "I suspected that you didn't—"

"You should have said something!"

"And how could I have been expected to simply_ bring that up_?"

Buffy's mouth opened, but nothing came out at first. She was blinking rapidly, and her eyes were filling. "I-I don't know...but..." She swallowed hard. "H-ow long have _you_ known?" she whispered.

Rupert didn't want to think about it, but he looked away and he answered her because he had to. It was Buffy. "I suspected all along. I didn't know for certain until I'd spoken with Willow after I returned from Los Angeles—sometime in the week before school began when we were preparing the library," he told her quietly.

She made a sound that was something between a cough and a sob, and she ran a hand through her hair. Her eyes slipped shut. "_God_, Giles..."

"I'm sorry. I didn't want you to worry. Willow hated keeping it from you and she wanted to find a way to tell you and the others, if it was all right with me of course, but I didn't want to burden any of you if you didn't already know. It isn't important."

"Not _important_? What the _hell_ kind of crap is that?" She didn't understand. "Of course it's important! I mean...why couldn't she just change it?"

Giles grimaced. "The spell is a curse, Buffy. The uhm...the 'catch' was its basis, the vengeance—what gave it its power. There was no way to remove it or to separate one from the other."

Her voice dropped again; became very small. "But...but you don't deserve that. You deserve to be just as happy as anyone else."

Rupert smiled gently. "I'm here. I have you and others. I'm happy enough, Buffy; I don't need anything else." He had to make certain that message was across. Maybe part of him would always _want_ more...but he wasn't lying.

She blinked back tears at that, but then she shook her head. "No...it's not fair," Buffy whispered. She sobbed once and looked away. "Damnit..."

He touched her arm. "Buffy..."

She brushed him away and her hands clamped over her mouth for a moment. "I'm so sorry. I-I didn't know—" she whispered, the sound slightly muffled. She still wouldn't look at him.

"I know."

Buffy let out a heavy breath that might have been another sob, and she swiped at her eyes. "I wasn't going to cry anymore..." she muttered.

Giles swallowed. "It's all right."

"No it's not," she shot back, still staring at the floor, the far wall; anywhere but at him.

"I'm sorry," he said again, at a loss.

"Stop apologizing!"

He paused. "I will if you will."

Buffy hugged her arms to herself until she'd calmed down and the threat of tears was gone. Finally she looked up at him again. "Giles, can we just...stop with the secrets? Please? I'm sick of them. I know I can't change that my whole _life_ has to be a secret, but I didn't like it when you didn't know about Angel and I don't like it that the others don't know now. I want them to know, a-and I have to tell Angel and my mom about you...I just want to stop."

"I can understand," he nodded. "I'll help in any way I can."

She sighed. "I'd better take care of talking to Angel myself, but I'd really appreciate the help with the other two. I know I really don't deserve your help telling the others about him, but..."

"It's all right."

She squinted at him. "You say that way too much." Then she closed the step or two between them and hugged him. It took Rupert a little by surprise—it had been a few weeks since she'd done it—but he returned the embrace. "Don't tell me everything's going to be fine," she said. "We don't know."

He winced a little and he only nodded in answer, but he knew she sensed it. Then she pulled back, and he could tell from the look on her face that she could have argued the original point all day—but there was nothing to be done, and she knew that. She hated it, but she knew it. What was, was.

"Willow has said she's looking for a way to...fix it, for lack of a better term. I doubt she will ever find anything, and I've told her so, but I can't stop her from looking. Perhaps she_ will _turn something up. You're right; we can't know," he said after a moment.

Buffy nodded without a word, and Giles sighed inwardly because there was nothing else he could say.

* * *

Willow only participated half-heartedly in the showing of the school grounds to Faith. What had apparently come out back there was no surprise to her, but now she was feeling the guilt all over again. Finally Xander brought the tour to a halt and sat her down on one of the half-walls that surrounded the open side of the second-floor hallways or walkways or whatever one wanted to call them that looked out over the courtyard.

"Okay, Will. Fess time."

She glanced up, looking back and forth between her best friend sitting beside her to Faith, standing not far off and looking at them curiously.

"I would wait," Xander said, "but you're being way too mopey. I hate to see you mopey."

She looked at him, and even though Faith was nearby, she melted. The fact that she and Xander had been fighting sudden feelings for each other ever since before Homecoming probably helped—though she immediately felt guilty for that, too, when she remembered the kiss they'd accidentally shared at her house.

Faith paced off a little farther and leaned against the brick outside wall, not looking at them anymore. She seemed to get that they needed to talk, and Willow was thankful for it. She swallowed.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I knew and I didn't say anything. I wanted to...but I mean it wasn't really my place or anything...and..."

Xander was silent for a moment. "So I got what I think I did out of that? The curse is the same for Giles as it was for Angel?"

She nodded miserably. "There was no way to change it. I looked, but there was no way around that. Taking the catch out would have made the whole thing unravel, and that spell was the only chance we had of getting him back." She took a deep breath and let it out. "I uhm...I talked to Giles, when he came back before school. He's the one who brought it up, actually. I was too afraid to. I—I mean we didn't talk _much_...we were just working, and out of nowhere he asks if the curse is the same and he's all serious and unaccusing and all, and he seemed like he kinda knew already anyway, and I couldn't lie to him because that would have been even worse after everything we—I—"

Willow stopped. She didn't know what to say from there. She looked at Xander tentatively, and he put an arm around her shoulders. He looked troubled, but when he spoke he was comforting.

"Hey, you tried. And I guess I get why you didn't say anything."

"Giles didn't want to bother anyone else with it; he didn't want to do that to you guys. After he said that he said he would understand if I wanted to tell you anyway, since _I _have to know and everything, or if I felt too bad hiding it, but then I felt even worse about—a-about what he'll have to go through, with the curse being like that. I felt_ horrible_, and so I told him it was fine; I wouldn't say anything..."

Xander smiled a little, briefly, and she frowned at him. "What?"

He shook his head and shrugged, smiling a little in thought. "You and Giles, is all. You're both such good people you get in each others' way trying to do the right thing. It's almost kinda funny."

Willow blinked at him for a moment, flushing. "I never thought of it that way. I mean, I know I'm not evil or anything and I try to be good, but—"

"You're good. Trust me."

They looked at each other for a moment, and they had mostly unknowingly leaned in almost close enough to kiss before they both jerked back and cast quick glances toward Faith.

"You think she saw that?" Xander asked in a stage whisper.

"I-I don't think." She glanced at the new Slayer again, who was staring off into space. "No. We're good." She looked at Xander now. "Uhm...we're good, aren't we?"

"Yeah. I really hate this whole thing, but it's not your fault."

Faith pushed off from the wall at that moment and moved toward them. "Hey, you two finished? Whatever the hell went down in there oughtta be over by now."

They made their way back to the library, and as soon as the doors were open Buffy went to Willow and held her for a long moment. She looked like she'd been crying, and though she didn't say anything the message was clear: They didn't need to talk about it. They all understood now. They didn't like it, but no one was holding anything against anyone and they would be okay. Willow knew immediately that she wasn't forgiven—she was being told there was nothing to forgive, just as Giles had told her as much before school began.

She would have to tell Oz though, now that the others knew, and she wondered if Xander would tell Cordelia. She saw Xander and Giles exchange a glance, and she saw the pain on Xander's face and the wince Giles gave when he realized the boy knew now, too. Then, just as Buffy let go and looked back at them, Xander crossed to Giles and hugged him briefly.

Willow took a step toward them, and she realized Buffy was moving with her. They left Faith by the library doors watching them all in silent confusion, and then they were standing there, with Xander next to Giles. They still weren't saying anything, but the four of them looked at each other, and the three teenagers looked at Giles, and that was enough. They didn't need words to tell him that they were sorry things were the way they were—that they were there for him. He wasn't usually the type, but after a moment or two Giles choked up a little.

"Well be careful now, or you might have a rather angry demon on your hands in a moment," he said quietly, with a feeble smile.

They all laughed a little, and though it was uneasy that was fine. They knew they'd soon be back to the 'okay' they'd been settled into for a while now.

Willow didn't care that Faith was still back there somewhere and the others didn't seem to, either. Buffy moved first, to hug Giles, and she and Xander followed suit. It wasn't bad, as first group hugs go—first group hugs that included all _four_ of them, anyway. They were all smiling by the time they let go, and she took that as another good sign.

When they remembered Faith and twisted to look for her, she was gone.

* * *

Faith hadn't run off again. She'd just fled the scene. She showed up again after school the next day, and seemed a little more okay with getting back into the swing of things with the Scooby Gang. Buffy wondered if seeing the camaraderie between the rest of them had anything to do with the slight shift in attitude. Oh, she still put up her fronts, but the change could be seen if one was looking hard enough.

The new Slayer began patrolling with Buffy again, and the relatively friendly acquaintance they'd had by the time Faith ran returned. Buffy found herself hoping again that they could be friends, eventually. Faith didn't seem opposed to the idea—not that they talked about it.

After the near emotional overload of the day Faith returned, Buffy and Giles decided to wait another few days before breaking the news about Angel to the rest of the Scoobies. They did it on an afternoon when everyone could be present. Faith was there too, though that hadn't been planned. She appeared after school as usual, looking to train with Buffy or find someone else to hang out with for the afternoon, and there wasn't a reason to turn her away. She knew about the history Angel...and Angelus...had with Buffy and the rest of them.

As expected, every single one of them just stared at first.

Xander was the first to blink. "Angel is..._what_?"

"Alive," Buffy repeated. "Or...back, anyway. Like I said, we don't know how or why. It just happened. I know that's not very reassuring, but it's all we've got. He's back, and he's himself." She'd already gone over it all, but it seemed good to say again. She didn't want a disaster on her hands with this. The whole point was to _keep_ her friends.

"You mean he's got a soul again and everything?" Faith asked.

"Yes."

"Surprise," Oz deadpanned.

Cordelia's mouth was open wide. "Are you serious? You can't be serious."

Xander let out a breath. "She just said it all twice; you wanna go for third time's the charm? I think she's serious." She glared at him, and he winced guiltily and, for some reason, glanced at Willow. Buffy had no idea what _that _was about.

"Whatever," Cordy huffed. "I mean thanks for actually telling us and all, I guess, but this is crazy. Aren't we going to do something about this? I'd rather not be dead, thank you very much. What if he ends up evil and starts killing people again?"

"He won't," Buffy said firmly.

"You can't know that," Xander said.

She stared at him for a long moment, but she didn't have a response for that. He was right. After all, it was what she'd told Giles just a few days ago.

Her Watcher stepped forward now, clearing his throat. "That may be true, and it may also be true that some of us do not particularly like this development. However, though we don't know how or why Angel has been returned, we cannot prove that he is any more of a threat or a danger to anyone than I am."

"That doesn't mean he's not," Xander snapped back. "Besides, this is totally different."

"Yes, it is, but that doesn't make what I've said any less true."

Xander shut up, and Buffy looked at Giles gratefully. She'd asked for help, but she hadn't quite expected something like that. She knew it couldn't be easy for him to back her up on this.

"Guys, listen. I'm not...seeing him, or anything, if you know what I mean. He was...he was trapped in a hell dimension. That takes some recovering from. I'm just helping him. That's it."

Willow looked at her quite seriously. "You promise?"

She swallowed and nodded. "I promise."

Her red-haired friend nodded back, and then searched the faces of the others. "Then...we should just deal, guys. Yeah, this is kind of creepy—_really_ creepy—but I don't think we really have a choice."

Giles nodded, and he seemed to be speaking to himself, too, when he said, "Willow is correct."

Buffy sighed and finally let herself sit down, and she looked up at her friends hopefully. When they looked back at her she knew she didn't have to worry. She leaned over toward the next chair and hugged Willow thankfully. Cordelia grumbled a little more, and Faith shrugged and left.

"I'll meet you out there tonight," she called over her shoulder.

Willow stood after a moment. "Well I should kind of get home. I have homework. You do too, Buffy."

Xander shrugged. "So do I. Your point being?"

She shook her head at him and looked at Buffy again. "The SATs are coming up now, too." She paused. "Do you uhm...want to come over? We could start studying."

She shrugged, smiling in relief. "Sure." Then she realized Giles had disappeared, and glanced around once before facing Willow again. "You guys go on. I'll be right there."

Xander follow Oz and Willow from the library, saying he would come over too even if he didn't actually study, seeing as he wasn't planning on college and didn't care what he scored anyway. Apparently he didn't have anything better to do. Cordelia followed _him_, still grumbling but saying she would come as well.

Buffy was still smiling a little as she watched them go. She knew things would be a little weird for a while, and she knew there would be more questions about Angel later, but for now everything was all right. With them, anyway.

She backtracked into the library office, where she found Giles at his desk with one elbow on top of it and his head in his hand while he rubbed at his temples with the other.

"Can you even _get_ headaches?"

He glanced back at her tiredly. "No, not technically, but, well..."

She came in a little farther. "Yeah." She cleared her throat and shifted on her feet, not sure how to voice her concern. "You uh...kinda went above and beyond the call of duty back there. I just...thanks." He only shrugged, and she sighed. "Giles, I know this is hard for you. I don't think I could ever imagine how hard, but I can't help make it any easier if you won't work with me here."

He shook his head slowly. "I don't believe there's anything you _could_ do, Buffy. You can't change that Angel is back, and I know you wouldn't if you could, which I understand."

"Well...true," she admitted.

"Please don't worry about me," he said quietly. "I'll be all right. This is just something I need to work out on my own."

She frowned. "Like you did when you ran off?"

Giles looked up quickly, mouth open, and Buffy felt sorry immediately.

"I-I-I didn't mean that like it sounded," she stammered.

Her Watcher looked away, and when he answered he sounded absolutely miserable. "No, you're right. Perhaps keeping these things to myself is not the best way to do it, but that doesn't change the fact that there is nothing you could do to help."

"There's still the being-here thing," she said softly.

Giles gave her a weak smile. "Yes, and all of you are doing that. I appreciate it."

Buffy searched for something else to say, but came up with nothing. "So uhm, are you coming out for patrol tonight? You've been letting Faith and I do all the work this week; maybe it'd do you some good."

"'Faith and _me_' and yes, perhaps I will. Now you should get going; the SATs are rather important, after all. It would do you well to begin studying."

She nodded and began to retreat, knowing she'd done all she could. "Okay."

* * *

"'And on that tragic day, an era came to its inevitable end.' That's all there is. Are you ready?"

Buffy looked up from the blanket she was seated on Indian-style in the graveyard, and nodded at her Watcher. "Hit me."

He glanced back down to the open book in his hands and read. "Which of the following best expresses the theme of the passage? A: violence breeds violence, B: all things must end, C—"

"B," she said suddenly, diving to mark the bubble in her practice book. "I'm going with B." She looked back up to explain her deep reasoning. "We haven't had B in forever."

Giles frowned in annoyance, and not only because it was the wrong answer. "This is the SATs, Buffy, not connect-the-dots. _Please_ pay attention. A low score could seriously harm your chances of getting into college."

"Gee, thanks. That takes the pressure_ right _off," she answered.

Life among the Scooby Gang had been fine recently, once they all got used to the idea that Angel was alive—though none of them had actually seen him yet, and he didn't know if that was better or worse. Buffy had admitted that he was staying at the mansion, but none of them had attempted to go there. Now SAT testing was rapidly approaching, and while Xander was opting not to bother attempting to score well, Oz had already taken them, and Willow and Cordelia had been long since ready, it was turning out that Buffy was needing a good deal of helping in preparing to test. He and Willow were both doing the best they could.

They'd taken to studying while out on patrol, and for the past few nights there had been no Faith to complain about having to listen to the endless SAT practice questions. True to her word, she wasn't always around. She would disappear for a day or two or more at a time, but she always came back. It hadn't been long, but that pattern had already been well established. She wasn't usually gone as long as she had been this time, but they all knew it was nothing to be concerned about.

"This isn't meant to be easy, you know," he told Buffy. "It's a rite of passage."

She made a face. "Is it too late to join a tribe where they just pierce something or cut something off?"

He gave her his exasperated expression. "Buffy, please concentrate."

The Slayer rolled her eyes to the heavens for a moment, but when she looked toward him again she quite obviously spotted something over his shoulder. He sensed it at the same time—heard the quiet growl and the footsteps that most humans wouldn't have noticed. He heard Buffy yell something and start to jump up, but she needn't have worried. Rupert spun, pulling a spare pencil from the pocket of his suit jacket, and shoved it into the heart of the newborn vampire behind him just as it lunged at him. The thing turned to dust immediately, and Giles turned back to Buffy.

He was still holding the SAT book. "Now. Where were we?"

Buffy froze, one foot still caught in the blanket, and fell back on her rear. "Uhm, I chose B?"

"Wrong. C. All systems tend toward chaos." He glanced down at the pencil now in his hand, and realized that the point was broken. He pushed it back into the pocket it had been occupying before.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Thus the reason you brought me a spare pencil?"

"Yes, good. Exactly."

"Hey, I got something right. Sort of. Unfortunately I don't think there'll be vampires in the testing room to help me do that on Saturday."

"I certainly hope not. I would be incredibly upset if all of my hard work helping you study was wasted when a solution was so relatively simple."

"And the students getting sucked dry would just be a side bummer." He gave her another exasperated face. She rolled her eyes again. "Okay, okay. Paying attention I am. Yoda I am not, but give me the question. Answer it to the best of my ability, I shall."

Giles continued, and Buffy answered the questions. She _was_ improving a bit by the time they decided to head home, so the night wasn't a total loss.

"Do we know what we're gonna do about my mom yet?" she asked suddenly.

Rupert frowned. "You told me that _you_ would decide how you wanted to go about that."

"I know. I thought. I was just making sure you didn't have any better ideas before I threw mine out there. It's not much."

"Go on."

She crossed her arms and shrugged. "You two still need to get together and talk anyway. I know she'd feel a little better about the Slaying thing if she talked to somebody besides me who knew anything at all about what they were talking about. And you _said_ you would talk to her. I figure you'd better do that first, so she knows you a little better and she's seen you and she knows you're okay and everything, and _then_ we tell her. Or I tell her. I haven't worked out that second half yet."

"Quite an involved plan," Giles said ruefully.

"Hey, I still have a lot on my mind here."

"Yes, I understand." He stopped, thinking for a moment, and Buffy stopped beside him. "Well, I suppose it does make sense—my speaking with your mother. I _have_ meant to do it."

"Great. Any time is good. How about tomorrow?"

* * *

The next day at school quickly became interesting. First there was remembering the dream she'd had the night before—improperly filled-in answer bubbles chasing her and much more she didn't want to remember—and then came the candy. Buffy didn't understand why the rest of the school had to sell band candy when they weren't in the band, but it was a Snyder thing. She'd long since stopped trying to figure out Snyder things. And when she made it home that afternoon her mother bought 20 of the 40 in her box, so she was happy when she showed back up at the library later for training.

That was when she managed to talk Giles into buying the other 20, on grounds that as the Slayer she didn't have the free time to trek around finding _other_ buyers for the rest of the candy.

"I'm not certain why I listen to you," he sighed, dropping the half-full box on his desk. "Actually eating these would be even more pointless than it used to be."

"Oh come on. It's _chocolate_. Chocolate still has to be amazing in_ some_ form, right?"

"Not particularly, no, but I suppose it doesn't matter. I'm sure I can find someone willing to take it off my hands."

"Of course. Like I said; it's chocolate."

Then there was a blindfold and a dodgeball which she nailed Giles in the head with—blindfolded, off a wall bounce.

"Ow. Ahem. Yes, well, very good..."

Buffy shrugged and pulled the blindfold off. "What can I say? I'm amazing." But the attitude didn't last long. "So...are you going to talk to my mom?"

Giles shrugged now, too. "I called her, earlier today. We've agreed to meet while you're on patrol tonight, so I'm afraid I won't be there to help with the studying. I expect you to continue on your own, though. "

She groaned. "Is there really a point? I could die before I even _apply_ to college."

His eyebrows went up and he tried to hide it but she saw the troubled look anyway, and though she'd only been joking she knew she'd said the wrong thing. "And you very possibly might not," he countered quickly.

"Okay, I'll study."

She didn't study. She meant to, she really did, but after patrol she ended up at the mansion. She'd known she would need to go there tonight, briefly, to drop off more blood for Angel, but she never meant for the visit to be as long as it was.

It just turned into the right place, right time, and she wasn't going to pass it up.

Buffy found him in the moonlight of the stone-walled courtyard, exercising. After the animalistic tendencies had finally faded and Angel was more himself, whatever strength he'd had had left him. He was slowly getting it back, but he still needed help sometimes. She had to help him inside to the couch, but it didn't take much effort on her part anymore. She sat him down and she took the opposite section of the L-shaped couch.

Angel cleared his throat. "How is uhm...Scott?"

"Scott?" She blinked. "Oh, um..._boyfriend_ Scott." She hadn't mentioned the breakup to Angel. There was just no reason to. "Uh...actually, he's not—" She stopped, and she almost changed the end of that sentence. She almost lied, or hid the truth, or whatever one might call it...but then she remembered that she was done with that. "He's not my boyfriend anymore."

"Oh...I'm sorry." He wasn't, but she knew he wouldn't be—that he would only be sorry that she might have been hurt.

"It's okay. I'm fine." She pointed to the paper bag on the couch cushion beside him. "That's for you. It's fresh. You know, as fresh as it can get coming from a plastic container."

"Thanks." Angel picked it up, glanced into the bag and set it down again. They were both silent until he spoke again. "You're being careful, right?"

"With...what now?"

"The slaying."

"Oh. Uh...yeah. Of course; full of carefulness."

He looked at her for a moment. "I worry about you."

"I worry about _you_."

"I'm getting stronger."

She smiled a little. "Pretty soon you won't even need me."

He nodded some. "That'll be better."

Buffy smile faded. _Right._ She still hated that part of all this. It would really be better for everyone—them included—when he didn't need her or anyone else anymore, when they wouldn't have to see each other and not be together, when there would be no danger of anything happening that would bring Angelus back. But she didn't want to think about that now, so she swallowed, knowing she could bring this conversation back to something else and wondering if she should.

"Angel..." He looked at her expectantly, and she couldn't look straight at him. She didn't know why. "You don't have to worry about me," she said, as a place to start. "I have help now."

"Faith?"

"What?" She glanced up. "Oh, yeah, I did mention her didn't I? Well she helps when she's around, yeah, but that's not what I mean. I-I uhm...I mean—" She stopped abruptly and sighed. "I told you I told the others about you being back, right?"

"Yeah, I think you mentioned that."

"Good. See, it's that there's something else you need to know."

"Like what?"

Buffy had to look down again. "Like...about Giles." This was it; there was no going back now.

"Is he uhm...okay? I know you've mentioned him since I've...been back, and I just wanted to uh...know, I guess..." He winced. "Is he okay?"

She grimaced, too. "That really depends on your definition. Yeah, he's okay, but it's uhm...that's what you need to know. Something happened, and it wasn't your fault, and that's why I didn't mention it before. I didn't want to make you feel worse while you were trying to, you know, get better..."

"What is it?" he asked anxiously.

She swallowed hard, and when she spoke her voice had fallen to barely above a whisper. "Angel, Drusilla killed Giles. She—she turned him. We found him in time, a-and Willow used the spell, and he's okay now, but—"

"What spell?" Angel questioned quickly.

"The one she was trying right before you died." There was no other way to say it, and he seemed to get the message.

He blinked a few times. "Oh my god. Then you mean...he's like me?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

Buffy had only once seen his eyes wider than they were now, and she never wanted to think about that moment again.

"Oh god. I am so sorry. I—" He stood up quickly and paced away. "God..." he moaned quietly. "Oh god. Giles..."

She'd already swallowed too much, and there was still a lump in her throat when she stood with him. "Angel, it's not your fault. You didn't—"

"I was the one who wanted him captured in the first place."

"It wasn't _you_."

He spun on her. "Does that matter??"

"Yes," she said firmly. "It does. I didn't tell you so you could feel sorry about it. I told you because you deserve to know."

Angel looked away again. "I don't deserve anything."

"Fine. I told you because I don't want to keep secrets anymore. Can you accept that? You have to accept that. It's the truth."

His shoulders hunched, and he wouldn't turn to look at her. "I'm sorry, Buffy, but could you go for now? Please?"

She stared at his back for several long moments, blinking back tears, but in the end she had no choice but to leave. She hurried home, hoping Giles was still there. She wanted to talk to him, and she'd have to get him out of earshot of her mother, but she could do that. He _was_ there when she got there, which surprised her when she actually realized how late it was.

Both adults were at the dining room table, and when Joyce stood Buffy saw that she had an open candy bar in her hand. That wouldn't have been so strange if Giles didn't have one too, after he'd protested that there was no point in him eating any of the chocolate.

"Honey?" her mother said, coming out into the entryway. "What took so long? I was expecting you much earlier than this."

"Oh, uhm...yeah. Demon. Jumped me. It's okay, I killed it, but, you know, that takes time. And demons don't just turn to dust, so there's cleanup, and _that_ takes time..."

In the dining room Giles stood from the table now too, looking at her curiously, and Buffy used him as an excuse to get away from her mother for the moment. "Oh hey, Giles, can I talk to you for a minute?" She pulled him into the kitchen and eyed the candy bar in confusion. "What happened to 'no point?'"

"Well your mother offered it and I couldn't very well be rude, could I? Now what is it?"

"Angel. I uhm...I told him about you tonight. I guess I just thought you should know that." She winced at the memory. "He got pretty upset. He feels really horrible about it."

"Good."

"Excuse me?" she said incredulously.

Giles shrugged and took a bite of the chocolate bar. "I'm sorry, but but you know my feelings. Anyway, I'm sure Angel will be fine; there's no reason to uhm, freak out."

Buffy made a face. "_Freak out_?" she echoed in confusion, not because of the words themselves but because it was Giles saying them. In response he only shrugged again, and she shook her head.

"Whatever. I'm going to bed." She was too upset and too exhausted to figure this out now.

* * *

The next day was Friday, and that was when the world turned upside-down. It started when Giles didn't show up to watch study hall and she found her mother at his place when she went to check on him, continued when Joyce actually gave her the keys to the car and she and Willow discovered middle-aged weirdo central at the Bronze, and culminated in a crispy-fried sewer demon. There were many details in between that she would rather forget at quickly as possible—particularly pertaining to her mother and Giles. Snyder could probably be included, or...no, that she wanted to keep. For blackmail.

She still took the SATs on Saturday, and Monday she was _not_ ready to go back to school. She went pretty much straight to the library, hoping to be able to cut a class or two, and the only friendly familiar face she found on the way was Willow. The two of them went in together, but they didn't see Giles right away.

"Hmm. He must be hiding," Buffy mussed. She stuck her head into his office, but he wasn't there, and when she stepped out again Willow had gone up to the stacks to look around for him. Buffy paced to the center of the main floor of the library and stood there for a moment, scanning the room. She was just beginning to worry when she caught sight of a shape in the book cage. Quickly she crossed to it, and her eyes went wide at what she saw there.

"Giles?!"

He was curled on the floor of the cage, still wearing the dirty jeans and white t-shirt he'd been in Friday night during the band candy fiasco. He didn't appear to be conscious.

Buffy grappled with the lock, nearly breaking it before she remembered how to undo it, and flung open the cage door. "WILL!" She dropped to her knees beside her Watcher and shook him. "Giles? What the hell...Giles!"

His eyes snapped open and he sat up quickly, and she realized he'd only been asleep...or not even asleep, really, but close—though that didn't make any more sense than why he would be unconsious in here.

It all made even less sense when he saw her and immediately pulled away, sliding back across the floor until he ran into the weapons cabinet with a loud clang and stopped there. "Buffy, get out of here! Stay away from me!" he cried, clearly panicked.

That was when Willow came running back down the steps and to Buffy's side, a little out of breath now. "What! Did you f—?" She stopped abruptly when she saw Giles. "Oh my god. Giles, are you okay?"

"Get out!" he yelled again.

"I'm gonna need an explanation first!" Buffy shouted back, standing up. "What the hell is going on!" She took a step forward and Willow was following her in, but when they moved Giles jumped to his feet and pushed them both back and out of the cage.

"I said _get out_!" he all but screamed. When he did his face vamped out, just for a second, but it was enough to make both girls freeze for just enough time to let him pull the door of the cage closed. When he had it closed he turned around and sank to the floor again against it.

Buffy swallowed. "Willow," she said quietly. "Can you go run guard duty for me? We don't need anybody bursting in here right now."

"But—" It was obvious she wanted to stay and help if she could, but the Slayer came her a look and reluctantly she relented. "Okay..." Willow cast a worried look toward Giles and silently left to stand outside the library doors and keep a lookout. When she was gone Buffy turned back to her Watcher and crouched by the book cage door.

He was shaking.

"Giles," she swallowed. "What's wrong? What is it?"

"Not...safe," he said hoarsely.

"What's not safe?"

"_I'm_ not..."

"Why would you say that?" Buffy questioned anxiously. He was silent. "Giles, answer me," she demanded. "Why would you say that?"

"It-it wasn't supposed to happen. We were teenagers; we didn't-didn't know any better. I wasn't...thinking...and...I remembered, when it began to wear off. I came here. I didn't know what else to do. I was afraid—" He broke off on a small sob, but she didn't know if he was crying. With his back still to the door she could only see some of one side of his face from where she sat. Though she only saw that much, he looked as upset as she'd ever seen him—as scared as she'd ever seen him.

"You came here when?"

"Before dawn..."

"Yeah, duh. Kinda figured that out. Before dawn when? Last night? Night before last?" He shook his head both times. "You've been here since _Saturday morning_?" She'd made sure he got home Friday night, and stayed there—after prying him and her mother off of each other—but apparently he hadn't stayed there long.

"There was nowhere else to go, a-and I didn't know what would—I was afraid to sleep. I was afraid if I slept I wouldn't wake up—not as myself. I—"

Buffy frowned. "Whoa, whoa. _What_ are you talking about?" She knew, of course, or thought she did, but she didn't understand why he was so scared...why he would be worrying about it at all.

It took a long moment for Giles to answer. "My soul..." he whispered. Then, after a few more seconds, he went on, and his voice rose as he did. "I-I was afraid it—that I would—and it could still happen. What if it won't happen until the effects of the candy have worn off completely and they haven't yet? Or if it's simply not the same in every case, but it's still going to happen? It could happen any moment. Oh god, Buffy, I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to be gone," he cried.

Her heart ached to see him this way, this frightened and panicked, but she didn't know how to fix it. She didn't know what had brought this on. "Giles, I don't understand," she said quietly. "Why would you think...?" She trailed off as it clicked. _It wasn't supposed to happen. We were teenagers; we didn't know any better. _"Oh my god."

He glanced back at her for a second, guiltily, and then looked away again, staring at the back wall of the cage. He sobbed again, quietly, but he didn't say anything else.

In the back of her mind Buffy knew her stomach wanted to revolt, but now wasn't the time to worry about the gag-reflex reaction. Right now she had an entirely freaked-out Watcher to deal with, and she shoved the rest into a mental closet to be thought about later—or forgotten about completely.

"Giles..." She let out a breath and stood to open the cage door again. He spun and started to stand in protest, but she went back to her knees beside him and held him down by the arms.

"No! You can't—"

"Nothing is going to happen."

"You don't know!"

"Yes I do." He was staring at her, wide-eyed, and she squeezed his arms and told him why. "For one thing, it's been too long. Trust me; it would have happened by now." She took a steadying breath. "You want to know how else I know? Because I know you couldn't have been happy when you were younger. What you were doing was wrong, and you knew it. No matter what else you did, I _know_ you weren't happy. That's why you're not where Ethan is now; it's why you got out. You're too good of a person for that."

Giles looked away and grimaced. "I wasn't then..."

"Well you weren't acting like it, but it was in you. That's how I know you couldn't have been happy being that rebel again, even if you thought you were. You couldn't have been perfectly happy even for a moment, no matter _what_ happened. Sorry if this is a really strange pep talk, but it's what you need to hear." Slowly his gaze returned to hers, and she looked him firmly in the eyes until she knew he realized that she was right.

His eyes closed then, and he visibly relaxed. Now instead of tense and scared and panicked, he just looked incredibly tired.

She hesitated a moment, not sure if he'd let her, but then she wrapped her arms around him. "It's okay," she said gently. "You're still here, and you're staying here. I'm not gonna let you go anywhere on me, okay?" He nodded against her shoulder, and she held on for a long moment after that, letting him calm down. He let her stay there. There were no shaky breaths, of course, but for a few minutes there was the occassional shudder, until they faded away. When she let go she sat back on her heels and looked at him searchingly. He was drying his face on his dirty t-shirt.

"Giles, you with me? Are you okay?"

He shrugged, embarrassed now and not quite looking at her. "I uhm...I'll be fine. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Buffy smiled a moment later. "You said you didn't want to be gone."

He looked up and blinked. "What?"

"You said you didn't want to be gone," she repeated.

"Yes, well...of course not."

She cocked her head at him thoughtfully. "I know...it's just that you didn't always feel that way....you know, after we brought you back..." she trailed, and stared at the floor for a moment. She shrugged. "It's just good to know, I guess—like, to hear it again...that you want to be here."

Giles smiled a little then, and Buffy sat back against the weapons cabinet. They both sat where they were, enjoying the companionable silence for a while.

Buffy was the one to break it.

"You had sex with my _mother_?"


	19. Chapter 19

Hey ya'll. Graduation had to happen and I had to get finally, really done with school and everything and I had no time. But now it's all over and I'm finally updating, so here you go! I hope you enjoy the chapter, and please do review so I know ya'll are still out there. :) LOL. Thanks so much!

Chapter 19

Eventually Buffy helped her Watcher up from the floor of the book cage and got him to his office, where he slumped into the chair at his desk.

"Still not feeling so great, huh?"

He shrugged tiredly. "I'm not certain what it is as I can't be ill, per se, but...no, not so well yet."

She smiled a little. "I'd take you home, but one I can't drive and that would also be a little disastrous."

"There is that."

"It's okay. Just hide out in here and we'll tell Snyder you called in sick. That's pretty much the truth anyway."

Giles glanced at the phone on his desk. "I could call myself..."

"They might know you're calling from a phone on campus; I wouldn't risk it if I were you. Just take it easy, and I'll do the dirty work."

He smiled back sheepishly. "I appreciate it."

"No problem." She glanced back toward the library's main doors. "Hey, can I let the rest of the crew in now? Or Willow, anyway, but the others are probably out there by now too—and Willow, at least, will be freaking out by this point."

He opened his mouth immediately and she thought he was going to say yes, but he paused and frowned. Then he went on and said it anyway. "Yes, of course. Go on."

Buffy looked at him curiously. "You sure?" He waved her on and she retreated from the office to stick her head out the library doors. Willow was still there, of course, and as she'd suspected the others had gathered as well. "Hey, you guys. Come on in." Willow, Oz, Xander, and Cordelia trailed after her as she backed into the library again.

"Is Giles okay?" Willow asked quickly. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," she fibbed, smiling reassuringly for effect. "Stodgy British Guy's still having a little bit of a hard time coming down off the band candy, that's all. He'll be fine."

"Wow. And _my_ parents are already back to their wonderful selves," Xander offered dryly.

Willow didn't seem quite convinced. She was the one who'd seen him. "Are you sure that's all?"

"Giles is fine, Will. Trust me, okay?" It took a moment, but her friend nodded and backed off. Maybe she still thought there was something more to it, but she wasn't going to press anymore. She'd get a good hug or something for that later.

"Where is he?" Xander asked.

"In his office, and he'll probably have to stay put in there for today. He's not exactly dressed for work," Buffy said.

Oz raised a hand halfway. "Guy with a vehicle here. I could always go get him some clothes or something."

"I know, and thanks, but I think he just needs to rest for today."

Cordelia snorted lightly. "My parents are back to normal too, unfortunately. Why isn't Giles? You know, not that I don't care or anything, but whatever."

And why could lying never be simple? "He is back to normal," Buffy said tightly. "Pretty much, anyway. He just doesn't feel so hot at the moment, but he's going to be fine. He just needs a little more time, okay?"

"Okay, okay..."

"Buffy?"

She twisted to find Giles standing in the office doorway, and when she did he motioned for her to follow him. "Just a second guys..." She followed her Watcher back into the office, both of them ignoring the wide-eyed stares from the others at his appearance, and though from the way he moved it was pretty obvious he didn't really need to be on his feet, Giles didn't sit down. He held onto the edge of a shelf and stood awkwardly, apparently uncomfortable now in the clothes he was still wearing from Friday.

"What is it?" Buffy asked.

"You um...you didn't have to lie to them." She blinked at him, and he pointed up at an ear. "I can hear much better now."

"Oh. Right. I knew that."

"No you didn't. You'd forgotten."

"Hey, how many times have we been over the nobody's-perfect thing?"

He smiled a little. "Enough, I suppose."

"Ya think? Besides, what _else_ was I supposed to tell them?"

Giles winced. "Valid point.

"Unless you _want_ me to go back out there and tell them that you and my mom—"

"Please don't."

"Good. I'd rather not think about it, myself," she teased.

Giles groaned and dropped into his chair again. "I _am_ afraid there is something else you should know."

Buffy winced now. "Oh god, what? Don't tell me I'm gonna end up with a half-vampire sibling. _That_ is where this bad-fanfiction plotline ends with me and a very high cliff."

He grimaced. "Dear lord. No, no, nothing of the sort. However it um...it does involve Jo—your mother."

"Okay...and?" He hesitated long enough that she started to worry, and he wasn't looking at her anymore. "What?"

"We were teenagers. You know that. You know how adolescent males can be—only wanting to impress young women, and—"

"_What is it_?" she demanded.

"She knows," he said. "Your mother knows—about me, what I am now. I never meant—but there was the candy, and...and I'm afraid I may have...bragged about it, just a bit."

Buffy just stared at him. "She _knows_ knows? Then why the hell hasn't she said anything?"

"She may not realize anything that happened Friday night was reality. I imagine the same is true for the other adults of Sunnydale. She knows, but I doubt she believes it. The truth should be set straight before she realizes it wasn't a dream and she ends up quite angry about it." He hesitated. "I'm sorry, Buffy. I know you wanted to be very careful about this...What?"

She shook her head in bewilderment. "Sorry." She smirked a little. "I'm still trying to picture you running around chasing girls and _bragging_ about being a vampire. It's not computing."

He huffed a bit, in whatever way he could without actually using any air. She still didn't get that. "How do you think _I _feel?"

"Sorry." Buffy shrugged and stood. "Anyway, it's not your fault; I'll just...wow. I have got serious damage control to do when I get home, don't I?" Knowing her mother, if she hadn't already figured out that reality had been and _was_ reality, she would soon—and then would come the freaking out. "Crap."

"I'm sorry," Giles repeated. Then he winced. "We agreed to stop saying that, didn't we?"

"I think we did," she agreed. "So look, you just work on that recuperating thing." She glanced up at the clock. "The rest of us have class in a minute or two."

"Buffy, if you need any assistance with speaking to your mother..."

She shook her head. "Thanks, but I've got it. What with the change in plans I'd better handle this one my own to start out with, anyway."

* * *

The school day dragged by, and Buffy went straight home after. Giles wouldn't have been up for training today even if she could have stayed, and as it was she had some major preparation to do. She did her best in the making dinner department—which involved Hamburger Helper—and straightened up the house to boot and was waiting when her mother made it home from the gallery. Joyce came into the kitchen with her purse, and Buffy was sitting at the counter with the food she'd made.

"Hey, Mom. How'd work go?"

Joyce jumped a little. "Buffy! What on earth are you doing here? Shouldn't you be out...training, or...patrolling? Or at least upstairs doing homework?"

"No homework or training tonight, and I can get to the patrolling later."

Her mother had now noticed the dish on the counter. "You made dinner?"

"Well yeah. Cause, you know, I figured you'd still be a little wiped out after all the excitement Friday night and everything..." she began slowly, probing.

Joyce visibly winced and turned her back as she set down her purse and pulled her keys from her pocket to put them in it. "Oh, well that's sweet, honey. Thank you."

"You're welcome," Buffy nodded. "Always willing to help out; that's me." She frowned, trying to decide how to proceed from there. "Uhm...Mom?"

"Yes, dear?" Her mother's voice was a little higher and tighter than usual, and Buffy wondered if it was the Giles-was-a-vampire thing or just the she-had-sex-with-him (eww) thing. Or both. Why oh why did the crazy crap like this always happen to _her_? Okay, so her friends had their fair share of this stuff too, but still...

Buffy let out a breath. "We need to talk. About Friday night."

Joyce faced her again, but she wasn't quite looking at her. "No, no, it's all right. You told me the dent in the car wasn't your fault, and after seeing everything that went on, I guess I believe you. I know it all had something to do with the band candy and something evil or otherwise nasty, and that's all I need to know. It's all right. It's over," she said, nodding once emphatically.

"True. It is, but...so you know it was all real?"

"Unfortunately, yes, but I suppose I'll live."

Buffy nodded a little and looked at her closely. "Mom...it was _all_ real."

Her mother looked back warily. "I know that. Is there another point you're trying to make?"

She chewed the inside of her lip for a moment. "Yeah. I'm just not sure how to get there," she admitted. "Look...it's about Giles..."

"You have nothing to worry about, Buffy, I promise you. It was all the candy. Everything. There is _nothing_ going on between Mr. Giles and I," she said quickly.

"Yeah, I know that. That's not what I meant." Now though, she had to keep from smiling. Maybe she didn't like knowing what had really happened there on count of the ick factor, but it _was_ pretty funny watcher her mother squirm and knowing just why she was doing it.

"Then what is it?"

Buffy hesitated for a long moment, with Joyce staring at her anxiously, and finally just blurted it out. "Giles wasn't making it up to impress you or anything, Mom; it had nothing to do with the candy. He um...he really is a vampire."

Joyce blinked. "What?"

"You know what I'm talking about. He told me. He admitted he practically bragged about it."

Her mother looked away. "Well I-I remember that, but—"

"You probably thought he was making it up."

"Well of _course_. I even thought so _then_, and I was incredibly gullible when I was younger."

"Yeah..." Buffy sighed. "Look, I'm sorry, but it's all true. We would have told you before, but you were still getting used to everything about_ me_, and..."

Joyce held up a hand to stop her. "Wait, wait. You mean you're not joking?"

"Not joking. I am joke-free city."

She stared for another moment, and then fell back a step. "Oh my god..." More staring. "You're serious. You're really serious."

Buffy shifted uncomfortably as she stood. "Well yeah, but...I mean, it's not like he's _always_ been a vampire and we've been hiding it _all _this time or anything. It's kind of a new thing."

"And that's supposed to make me feel better? I thought vampires didn't have souls! How—"

"It's okay! Giles does, Mom. I-It was a spell. We used it and we put his soul back after it happened."

"After _what_ happened? When?"

She winced. "It was the night you found out about me. He was...killed...and the vampire that did it turned him..." She swallowed. "He didn't have to go back to England this summer. When he woke up and realized what had happened he kind of...freaked out. He just left for a while; he had a lot to work out and all."

Joyce was staring at her incredulously again.

"Mom, it's okay," Buffy repeated. "I swear. Giles is a hundred percent himself; he's just...you know, different now."

Her mother spun away and headed out into the living room. "Oh my god..." she trailed again. Buffy followed her all the way to the couch, where she dropped onto it. "Oh god." Buffy sat beside her, and they were both quiet for a long moment. Finally Joyce spoke up, still looking more than a little freaked out. "He _died_?"

"Yeah," she answered quietly. "About six months ago."

Joyce let out a breath and held a hand to her forehead as she stared at the ceiling. "Oh god, Buffy...I don't know whether to be angry or to tell you how sorry I am."

"Not killing me or anyone else for not telling you before now should be fine, thanks."

She winced, but was quiet. Finally she sat up and looked at her daughter intently. "And you're certain he's himself? He's not dangerous?"

"Not to anyone human—the vamps and demons around here I can't speak for, though." She paused. "Yes, Mom, I'm sure."

Joyce nodded uncertainly. "Right, well...good. Good," she said, a little shaky.

"It's okay, Mom," Buffy said gently. "You can trust me."

"I-I know that, sweetheart. This is just..."

"Big?"

"To say the least."

"See? That's why we didn't tell you before. You already had everything else to get used to."

Her mother sighed. "I suppose I see where you're coming from."

"Good. Hey, you want some of that dinner?"

"Not at the moment."

"Oh..."

Joyce patted her knee. "I'll get some, honey, and thank you, but um...Mom just needs a minute. Or an hour or two. Or a few weeks."

Buffy leaned in a hugged her. "Okay...it's fine. Really. Look, I promise I was planning on easing you into this a little more, but then there was Friday, and...and yeah." She pulled back and looked at her mother for a moment. "Hey, if you're not ready to eat yet, do you mind if I slip out for a little while? There's something I need to do."

She was able to leave, loving her mother because she knew Joyce would be all right. She planned on being back soon anyway, just in case. She ended up at the mansion twenty minutes later, and had to stand outside for several more long minutes before she was able to make herself go in.

It was just dark enough that Angel was outside in the courtyard where she'd found him last time, training in the same style he'd been using last time. There were slow, graceful, fluid movements, and she couldn't help watching him again.

"Hey," she said finally.

Angel looked up, and Buffy's heart did it's little jumping thing that it did when she saw him, no matter how much she wanted to get farther along with the moving-on.

"Hey," he answered quietly. He straightened and came to her, slowly, but at least he didn't end up needing her help this time. He shifted uncomfortably on his feet. "I um...I'm..."

"It's okay," she said quietly. "I know that was kind of a big thing to process." She made a face. "I just had to tell my mom."

"Oh..."

She shrugged. "It was okay." She studied him for a moment. "Are _you_ okay?"

"I really don't know." Angel grimaced, looking away. "I got Giles killed, Buffy—and now he has to live like me. I've been doing it for a while now, and I can attest to the fact that it's not the greatest existence in the world."

"But it's an existence," Buffy answered. "He's still here. That's what's important to _me_, and I think Giles finally feels the same way. It took him a while to get there, but he's okay."

"That doesn't change what happened."

She shook her head. "No. It doesn't. I know that."

He looked at her for a long moment before he spoke again. "Then what do you want from me here?" he questioned quietly.

Buffy touched his arm lightly. "I want _you_ to be okay." He didn't brush her hand off. He let it stay where it was until he paced away from her after a moment or two. There was a little more silence, and then she cleared her throat. "So um...that thing you were doing, when I got here...what exactly is that?"

Angel hesitated a moment, but he looked back at her. He even smiled. "I could teach you."

She smiled back. "I think I'd like that."

But she couldn't stay to tonight. She had to get back home, to her mom. Angel understood that, and Buffy made her way back to her house. She found Joyce Summers in the kitchen, finishing up a plate of the dinner she'd made.

"Oh, Buffy, there you are. I'm sorry; I just couldn't wait any longer. Lunch was early today and I really was starving."

Buffy shrugged and grabbed a plate to dish herself some. "It's fine; we can eat the leftovers together tomorrow."

"You'll be home for dinner?"

"Yeah," she smiled. "Sure." She paused to look at her mother for a moment. "So how are you doing?"

Joyce sighed. "Well, I survived learning about you being a Slayer, so I don't see why I wouldn't survive this. I'll be fine, honey, I'm just...well, I'll be fine."

Buffy nodded in understanding and got her dinner ready. "What did you and Giles talk about, anyway? You know, before the cursed candy made everything all wiggy."

"Before that? Quite a lot, actually. He told me that he's very confident in your abilities—that you know what you're doing and you're still learning fast, too. Getting better all the time. It made me feel a lot better about having you out there doing your slaying. Maybe that's why I'm not as upset about this new information as maybe I should be."

"Yeah, because, you know, you shouldn't be. Everything's okay now, I promise. You missed the freaky uncomfortable adjustment period

"Thank you; that helps so much," her mother answered dryly.

She shrugged again and sat down to eat beside Joyce at the kitchen island. "You could always talk to him again, too—if you just want to reassure yourself that he's not a bloodthirsty demon and all."

"No, no, it's all right," Joyce answered quickly. Buffy, of course, knew just why she seemed so skittish at the idea of seeing Giles anytime soon, and it had nothing to do with the vampire thing.

She couldn't help smirking a little as she started in on her food.

* * *

Buffy assured him that her mother was all right, and Giles hoped that was true. As soon as he'd really remembered what had happened Friday night—after being horrified—he'd felt badly that he might have upset her...or that Joyce would be upset when she came out of it herself, anyway. But Buffy didn't mention her mother any further, and it seemed the subject was past for now. He wished he could speak with Joyce, but at the same time the very idea scared him half out of his wits. Rupert supposed it was likely she felt the same way, so he left it alone. Perhaps it would be best to give it some time.

Faith returned again shortly, and Giles fell back into the rhythm of training two Slayers as the children continued with school and the end of the first quarter neared. In fact, besides the ever-present nagging thoughts in the back of his mind—Joyce, Angel—everything was going swimmingly.

Well, he could take it as a negative for himself that with Buffy and Faith steadily improving he rarely had the chance for any field action, but that only meant he was doing his job. Often he didn't bother to dress down anymore when he met the girls for patrol; he went straight from the school once it was dark and stayed on the sidelines, and but for the presence of Faith it seemed much like old times.

The night things changed again, he even had tea.

That night two vampires attacked at once, leaving one for each Slayer, and while Giles could have easily set his notebook and styrofoam cup aside and helped, he let them have it. After a minute or two Buffy and Faith staked their adversaries at the same moment, while the two vamps had been pressed in back-to-back, and when the dust settled between them the girls high-fived.

"Synchronized Slaying," Buffy said brightly, as both of them headed back toward her Watcher.

Faith smirked. "New Olympic category?"

Giles's Slayer grinned at him. "What d'ya think?" she asked.

"Sloppy."

All three of them turned at the decidedly British voice, Rupert from where he was seated on one of the cemetery's stone benches, and they were greeted by the sight of a tall, thin middle-aged woman none of them had ever seen before. She continued without missing a beat.

"You telegraph punches, leave blind sides open and ah, for a school-night slaying, take entirely too much time. Which one of you is Faith?"

Faith snorted now. "Depends. Who the hell are you?"

She smiled a little, though he was sure he detected condescension there. "Gwendolyn Post. Mrs. Your new Watcher."

He'd known that. The moment he heard the English accent he'd known it, but he hadn't processed it because this meant, unfortunately, an ungodly amount of trouble. He could only stare at her, and for the first several seconds Giles only had one clear thought.

_Oh, bollocks_

Buffy caught the deer-in-headlights look on Giles's face and quickly jumped into action, suggesting that they all head for her house to continue the meet and greet. They couldn't take Mrs. Post to the library, of course, and Giles's place might not be such a great idea either. Though if she was from the Watchers' Council she _would_ at least know that he worked at the library...

They could figure that out later.

To the suggestion Mrs. Post only responded with a brisk, "Very well then."

Giles looked at her gratefully, and the four of them retreated to the Summers house. None of them really spoke until they made it there, though it didn't surprise Buffy that Faith was the first to speak as they came in.

"I'm telling you, I don't need a new Watcher. No offense, lady; I just have this problem with authority figures. They end up kind of dead," she said, dropping onto the couch.

_That makes two of us,_ Buffy winced to herself, taking a seat beside her fellow Slayer.

Mrs. Post shrugged a bit as she glanced around her, taking in Buffy's living room. "Duly noted and, fortunately, it's not up to you. Mr. Giles, where do you keep your books?" she asked, as if expecting to see them here. Then Buffy remembered that her life was atypical for a Slayer. Most Slayers—potentials, even—left their families and lived and trained with their Watchers from the moment they were discovered. Often from a very young age. Kendra had been a case in point, and the sudden thought of her dead friend sent a stab of pain through Buffy's chest.

Giles opened his mouth to say something, though it seemed obvious he didn't quite know what that was going to be.

"Not here," Buffy put in for him. "It's just me and my mom here. She's working late tonight."

The woman blinked. "Oh. I see."

Giles finally spoke up. "I can assure you, Mrs. Post, that I have the finest occult reference collection—"

"This side of the Atlantic, I'm sure," she finished. "Do you have Hume's _Paranormal Encyclopedia_?" Giles was silent. "The labyrinth maps of Malta?"

Buffy frowned, already realizing that Mrs. Post was trying to undermine her Watcher.

"It's on order," Giles muttered, though she didn't know which one he was talking about. It didn't really matter, though; it was all greek to her.

Mrs. Post's eyebrows went up as she paced to the fireplace. "Well I _suppose_ that you have Sir Robert Kane's _Twilight Compendium_?"

Giles straightened quickly. "Oh,yes. Of course I do."

She smiled condescendingly. "Of course you do." She ignored him then, and strode back to where the two Slayers sat on the couch. "I have been sent by the Council for a very important reason. Faith needs a Watcher. I am to act in that capacity and report back."

_Brilliant,_ Buffy thought. _Reporting back. That's exactly what we need..._

Faith sat forward. "Excuse me, Mary Poppins, you don't seem to be listening—"

"Faith," Giles cut in. "We knew this would occur at some point. If the Council feels that you need closer observation, then we will all, of course, cooperate." After they figured out how to keep said Watchers' Council from finding out what had happened to him, of course.

Mrs. Post smiled, a little too smugly for Buffy's tastes. "The Council wishes me to report on the _entire_ situation here. Including you," she said to Giles.

"Say _what_?" Buffy protested immediately. That would make things harder. Much harder. This was not good—not good at all.

"Buffy," Giles warned quietly.

Mrs. Post continued. "The fact is, there is talk in the Council that you have become a bit too...American."

He looked at her in surprise. "Me?"

Buffy had to admit _that_ one caught her off guard, too. "Him?"

But she didn't answer. Instead she moved right on to a new subject. "A demon named Lagos is coming here to the Hellmouth," she told them. "Mr. Giles, I don't suppose you could locate an illustration of Lagos here, but perhaps from your library by morning?"

He blinked. "Oh, uhm...yes. Of course."

"Don't put yourself out. Now..."

Giles's jaw was working by now, and Buffy could see that from across the room. She was already more than a little ticked off herself—besides the worry that this would all end badly—and beside her Faith was still looking highly skeptical.

"Lagos seeks the glove of Mynhnegon," Mrs. Post went on. "No record of this glove's full power exists, but we do know it is highly dangerous and must not fall into the hands of a demon. Lagos must be stopped."

"What do you propose?" Giles asked, attempting to brighten and make peace.

Mrs. Post wasn't interested in peace. "Well if it's not too radical a suggestion, I thought we might kill him."

Buffy and Faith shared a glanced then, and she was pretty sure there was a shared thought, too. _Bitch._

"I suggest two Slayers at full strength for a coordinated hunt," the new Watcher said. "We believe the glove to be buried in a tomb somewhere, so Lagos will be headed for the cemetery."

"There is more than one in Sunnydale," Giles offered.

"I see. How many?"

"Uhm, 12, within the city limits," he said, obviously glad to be contributing something useful to the conversation.

"Well, we'll just have to take them one at a time. Anything in your books that might pinpoint the exact location of the tomb would be useful," Mrs. Post smirked. "But then, we cannot ask for miracles."

Giles's mouth opened, and he looked away, and Buffy knew he was angry. He'd _been_ angry since the new Watcher began insulting him left and right, and she hadn't stopped it yet. That could be bad if it got much worse. Vampires vamped out if they ended up too mad, whether they really wanted to or not.

Mrs Post looked back to the girls. "We will begin tomorrow at sunset. Faith...with me, please."

Buffy and Faith looked at each other again, and Faith looked up at Mrs. Post. The woman was already headed for the door, and it didn't seem she had much choice. Faith snorted, but she got up and she went. When they were gone Giles paced farther into the living, still glaring into empty space, but his face hadn't changed. If there had been any threat of it he'd controlled it. Finally he relaxed some.

"That was bracing," he understated.

"Interesting lady," Buffy deadpanned. "Can we kill her?"

"I think the Council might frown upon that."

"And we care because...?" He gave her a look and she sighed. "Yeah, yeah, I know. I still don't personally give much of a crap about the Council, however."

"So I gathered. I'm not inclined to discourage your feelings, but we_ are _subject to them and we must keep that in mind."

She stood up and paced with him. "Thanks for the not-so-welcome reminder. Now what the hell are we supposed to do about Mrs. Stick-Up-Her-Ass? According to you, if she finds out about you and it gets back to England we are royally screwed."

Giles grimaced. "Yes, unfortunately. I ahm...well, to be honest I'm not certain what to do from here. Being from the Council she would know about the library, and she will show up there at some point, especially if she has been sent at least in part to...'review the situation here' as she put it."

"You don't have a plan? We've known for two months the Council would probably be sending another Watcher for Faith eventually, and you don't have a plan?"

"Well I'd hoped that when her new Watcher arrived the two of them would promptly leave Sunnydale. Our best hope now is that they do so once she's reported back with her review. If Mrs. Post plans to remain here indefinitely with Faith, then we will have quite a problem indeed. If they don't leave she _will_ discover the truth; it will only be a matter of when. We went over this when Faith arrived, Buffy. The situation is much the same, and Mrs. Post is much more highly trained and alert than a relatively new Slayer."

Buffy stared at him for a long moment, and as he looked back the expression on his face was not hopeful.

"So...what you're saying is that we're screwed either way unless they leave—and that's_ if _we can get you past her snooping around for whatever 'review' she's supposed to give."

"I believe that is what I'm saying, yes."

She had to stare at him for another minute to be sure, but then she was certain. "You knew it was going to be bad whenever Faith's new Watcher showed up, didn't you? You knew it might—" She had to cut off to swallow. "You knew it might be impossible to keep you safe."

Giles did that thing where he reached for his face and then remembered that his glasses weren't there. He didn't try to cover it anymore because he knew by now that she knew exactly what the move was when she saw it. No matter what he'd let go of old habits still died hard, and she could understand that. Now the move was just an easy way to know when her Watcher was upset or stressed out.

"I...I...well, yes, I suspected..."

"And what happened to no-more-secrets?"

He shifted uncomfortably on his feet. "Well now, it wasn't exactly a secret. There was no way to know what would happen."

Buffy waved a hand. "Nevermind. You were probably thinking along the whole protect-the-kids line; I should be used to that by now."

"I would apologize, but..."

She had to smile a little. "I know." But her smile promptly faded and she groaned and rubbed at her temples. "Though it really doesn't help us with the problem we've got right now."

"No, but we shouldn't have anything to be concerned about until tomorrow night, at the least. I doubt we'll see either Faith or Mrs. Post until then, so we should have tomorrow to begin to map out strategy. Though it appears we also have a demon to research."

Buffy nodded. "Right. Good. Yeah." She fell silent for a moment, and she thought about Gwendolyn Post again. "_God_, that woman makes me so mad. She was trying to put you down with, like, _literally_ every other sentence. You're _my _Watcher, you know; I reserve the right to bash heads on your behalf." She frowned at her last phrase, which had been a bit too proper for her usual speech patterns. "After I finish being annoyed at you for rubbing off on me."

Giles chuckled quietly. "Yes, well, I should go. We will um, regroup in the morning."

"Yeah." She cocked her head at him curiously. "Hey, you okay? She was really whaling on you."

"I will survive," he answered dryly. He headed back for the door, but that was when it opened and Joyce Summers came in, paperwork stacked in her arms.

Every single bit of it dropped and scattered to the floor when she turned and started when saw Giles standing in her living room. Both Buffy and Giles jumped forward to help her gather up the papers and folders, though they probably did more harm than good when it came to keeping everything in whatever order it had been in.

"Rupert...Mr. Giles...I'm sorry, I didn't expect to see you here..."

"It's quite all right; I'm sorry to have startled you. This wasn't planned—"

"Faith's new Watcher showed up, and we needed somewhere to do the meet-and-greet and all," Buffy explained.

Joyce nodded quickly. "I see." They had the papers together, and she picked them all up and stood. The other two followed suit, and Buffy glanced back and forth between her mother and her Watcher and wondered what on earth was going to happen next. This had not been part of the plan in coming here.

There was silence for a long moment.

"Joyce...how are you?" Giles asked eventually.

"Oh, fine. I'm fine. And you?"

"All right, thank you. Again, I'm very sorry. I was just going..."

"Oh! I'm in your way..." She moved farther into the house. "I won't keep you."

Giles said goodbye to both Summers women and left, and Buffy watched him go before looking at her mother again.

"See? Totally normal. Normal, awkward Giles—except for the whole being-a-vampire part."

Joyce let out a breath. "So you've said, and I believed you. I _do_ believe you. I see that, I just..."

Buffy smiled some. "It's okay, Mom."

Her mother smiled back. "Thank you, honey. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to bed. I have to get up early and get started on this paperwork."

_And _I _have to get up early and figure out how to keep my Watcher—again. _

* * *

"Another Watcher?" Willow echoed.

Xander shrugged and sat forward. "That's what she said. Hey, now we now have a matching set—two of each."

Buffy sighed as she paced in front of her friends, arms crossed. "Yeah, anyway, listen guys...I like Faith as much as the rest of you, I guess, but if we want to keep Giles around it can't stay that way for long. They need to leave Sunnydale."

"Have you talked to Faith about that?" Oz questioned.

"I haven't had the chance. I'm hoping I can do that tonight before we split up to look for this Lagos guy. She'll have to understand; if Mrs. Post finds out about Giles we are oh so very screwed."

"Our goose is cooked if the new British lady finds out there's a vampire in the house," Xander reiterated. "Got it."

Willow winced. "I've got a bad feeling about all of this. I mean, I know the Council hasn't ever been all that wonderful and cooperative or anything, but wouldn't they have...you know...called ahead or something? Before they sent her here?"

"Yeah, I was wondering that," Buffy agreed.

Giles, who had been standing in the doorway of his office, straightened now and came out by the table. He was thinking hard and he knew he likely wore a strange expression, but then again he also knew he probably did that quite often. "I don't know. I would have thought the same, but obviously they did not. Though I suppose that makes a bit of sense if part of her purpose here is to take stock of the situation. Catching us off guard was more likely to give her a clear picture."

"Well she's never gonna get anything crystal if we have anything to say about it," his Slayer said firmly. "Ideas?"

Xander shrugged. "We could tell her visitors aren't allowed on campus during the day. Then de-vamp-proof the library one afternoon and invite her over that night. She'll see it, think everything's normal..."

"And then we'll make sure this review thing is over so fast she doesn't ever have to come back," Willow finished. "Yeah. And after that she'll be gone. Faith will be gone too and that'll be sad, but, you know, otherwise that'll be good..."

"You still have to convince Faith or this new lady or whoever that the two of them should leave town though," Oz added.

Buffy was nodding slowly to herself. "Yeah...I was thinking something like that, and that's really all I had. What about you, Giles?"

"I'm afraid something along those lines is the best solution I could think of, myself. We really have no better course of action," Rupert admitted. "This will all probably depend a great deal on large amounts of extraordinary luck, though we never seem to be short of that."

"And at the same time we don't seem to be short of the _worst_ luck in the world, either. I hate not knowing which it's gonna be today," Buffy grumbled.

Giles couldn't agree more.

* * *

Faith was silent for so long Buffy was afraid she wasn't going to answer. "I just went way out of bounds there, didn't I?"

"What? Oh..." The other Slayer shrugged as they made their way through the fourth cemetery that night. "I don't know, B. I guess you're making sense. I mean it really sucks cause I was just gettin' used to things around here, but I guess I already figured I wouldn't be staying once the new baby-sitter showed."

"She's not a baby-sitter, Faith, and I'm sure once you get past all the British-ness and the way she likes to insult people she's a decent...person to get to know...Nevermind. The probability of being wrong there is way too high."

"More like definite," Faith snorted. "But whatever. I'm pretty much used to my lot in life, and all that crap."

Buffy winced. "Faith..."

"No, hey, it's fine. I think she mentioned something about getting out of here anyway."

"You should come visit, but, you know, alone..."

She smirked a little. "If I can get away from her."

* * *

It was getting late, and Willow, Xander and Giles had been in the library researching Lagos since school was over. They still hadn't found anything. Oz and Cordelia weren't available and Buffy had split right after classes—probably to check up on Angel before meeting Faith for patrol. God, it was still hard to get used to the thought that he was alive...

Either way, she could tell that the time and the lack of results was getting to both Xander _and_ Giles. Neither of them looked happy. They both seemed worried—though whether it was really about the demon or about the larger issue of Mrs. Post wasn't clear—and it came to a head as Giles stood and let a book clatter to the table once he'd snapped it shut.

"This is intolerable! There's not a word here about Lagos _or_ the glove. We don't have time for this near-missing." He turned to Xander, who happened to be behind him at the time. "Just find out all you can about the demon—its strength, its weaknesses, its places of origin...and most importantly what it plans to do with this blasted glove."

"Hey, you're not the Watcher of me," Xander snapped back.

Giles glared at him for a brief moment. "Then go home. But if you choose to stay then work." He retreated to his office—undoubtedly to more books—and Xander came up the stairs toward her.

"Ugh," Willow sighed. "It's late. I'm tired."

"You're telling me," Xander muttered. "I know we're all a little skittish about having this new Watcher lady around and all, but he could seriously use an attitude adjustment."

"You weren't helping."

He paused a second before he said whatever he'd been about to say, and then he didn't say it. They walked together around one of the bookshelves and sat on the floor in a convenient corner.

"My eyes are all blurry," Willow sighed. She leaned forward over her knees and rubbed at her aching head. "Ohhh..." A moment later Xander had gently pushed her hands aside and started massaging her temples himself. It felt good, and it helped...but it led to thoughts of the kiss before homecoming, and of things she shouldn't be thinking about, and...

"Stop," she murmured.

"Right," Xander answered. "Stop means no, and no means no, so um..." He pulled his hands away. "Stop." And they sat in awkward silence for a moment.

She didn't know why she did it. She knew she shouldn't but she did it anyway. She twisted to grab Xander's face and pulled it to her and he came, and then they were kissing. Again. Again when they shouldn't. They really _really_ shouldn't. But they were kissing and they weren't stopping.

Willow didn't hear the footsteps behind her until it was too late.,

"Willow, Xander, you...can..."

She and Xander jerked apart with enough force to shake the shelves behind them, but when they looked up Giles was already staring down at them, hand on a bookshelf where he'd just replaced a book. The Watcher quickly turned and headed back down the stairs without a word—though the look on his face had said plenty.

Willow and Xander shared a look of alarm and jumped up to run after him.

"Giles, wait!" Willow called.

He didn't stop. "What?"

"What you saw back there—"

"Is none of my business," he said briskly, pausing by the table. "Granted, there are certain things in life that I believe should be done or handled a certain way, but I am not here to make your decisions for you." Now he glanced back, and she saw the hurt and the disappointment and it stung. "As you so eloquently put it, Xander, I am not the watcher of either of you."

Xander fish-mouthed for a second or two. "Giles, come on. I didn't mean it like that."

"It's not like that," Willow added quickly. "_We're_ not like that. We never meant—I mean it was an accident. It just happened. Once. Twice. Well..."

"It was before Homecoming. We were getting ready and we were all dressed up and fancy and it...just...yeah. We _know _we can't just...so we haven't. Honest. We _know_ we have to stop. We were stopped."

"Except for the footsies under the lab table..."

"Okay, except for that."

"Then there was that back there and we didn't plan that...and...and-and it was pretty much my fault," she admitted. "I'm sorry."

Giles held them in his gaze now. "It isn't me you should be apologizing to. Either of you."

They looked at each other again, and they knew what he meant.

Xander let out a breath. "Are you gonna say anything?"

"It's not my place to." The stern look made it abundantly clear that he wasn't happy, but after a moment his expression began to soften, and he took a step or two closer to them again as he shoved his hands into his pockets. "Please listen. I know everyone can make mistakes; I've made quite a few myself. I also know it can be hard for one to know what they really want at the age you are now. However, I would not want to see either of you _or_ any of the others suffer for foolishness if it could have been avoided."

Willow swallowed. "I understand," she said quietly. Xander was a little slower to respond, but he nodded in answer. Giles nodded back once, uncomfortably, and turned as if to retreat to his office again. "Wait—" He paused and glanced back. "What did you come up there to tell us?"

"Oh. Yes, I uhm...I believe I've found what we need. That was all."

"Well, good. What is it that you found?" she asked, trying to get them all back on track. Disaster, disaster...god. They had to get back to business or she knew she'd be miserable for the rest of the night. Not that she wouldn't be anyway, but...work would help. Work was needed.

"The probable location of the glove. It's likely housed in the Von Hauptman family crypt."

Xander jumped in then. "Yeah, that's that big one over at the Restfield Cemetery. So um...do we know where Buffy is?"

"Not exactly, no. She and Faith are still on patrol."

"Right! Right, so...I'll go check out this crypt and tell her heads-up if she stops by. How's that?"

"Yes, by all means, go," Giles answered wearily.

"A-And I'll just keep studying," Willow said as Xander left. "I think we're on the verge of a big Lagos breakthrough."

The Watcher shook his head and looked away. "No, I'd say we're done." Then he followed through on that plan to retreat.

* * *

It was extremely dark and spooky outside but Xander did what he'd said he was going to do. He went straight to the Restfield Cemetery, muttering under his breath the whole way. What if he actually ran into Lagos out here? There was a reason the Slayer did this stuff. Or, well, Slay_ers _now.

"Hey, Giles, here's a nifty idea. Why don't I alleviate my guilt by going out and getting myself really, really killed?" he huffed.

He heard movement as he neared the crypt, and he crouched behind the surrounding brush to take a look before approaching the place. This being Sunnydale he wasn't quite surprised to see someone coming out of the crypt; he just hoped it wasn't the demon.

Then the dark figure turned, and he saw that it was Angel.

Oh. Now, there was a face he hadn't seen in a while. For a while there it had been a face he'd been happy knowing he would never see again, and then came Buffy's relatively recent news...

What the hell was he doing?

He was carrying something. From the size and shape—not that it had much of one wrapped in a bunch of old cloth—but it had to be the glove. Xander felt his breath catch in his throat, and at first he tried to convince himself it was just leftover wig from Angelus, but that didn't quite work. Oh god, what if he really was still evil? What if he'd been using Buffy all this time? Controlling her somehow? It wasn't like it wasn't possible. Anything was possible on a hellmouth.

Xander was quivering a little on the inside, though not only from fear. He was angry, too. He really wished Buffy would stop seeing Angel so often, as it was pretty obvious that she did. She needed to go back to being over him, and just forget the whole thing. Angel was dangerous. Even if his soul _was_ there again, he was dangerous. Or could be. Or whatever. And what did Angel think he was doing meddling with the Scooby Gang's case?

So he followed Angel, because it was his job to be stupid anyway. He followed him all the way back to the mansion and waited until the vampire had been inside for a few minutes before he crept to a broken window and peered carefully inside. It didn't surprise him that Buffy was there.

What shocked him was that Buffy and Angel were kissing.

* * *

Willow shuffled around the library for a bit after Xander left, and then she headed for home. Giles went home too, and researched for a while longer because he couldn't sleep. He didn't need it so much anyway, and his thoughts were too preoccupied.

He didn't know what else to do about Mrs. Gwendolyn Post's presence in Sunnydale, and he didn't know what to do about what had just happened in the library with Willow and Xander. Rupert had to admit he'd been a little blindsided by the whole thing, especially what with everything else already going on just now. He hadn't been ready for that. He hoped he hadn't been to harsh or too easy, either, and he hoped...

Well he didn't know what he hoped.

He found an illustration of the glove, which Mrs. Post undoubtedly already knew about, he thought grudgingly. But he set out again anyway, wondering if he would actually find any of them at all—Buffy, Faith or Mrs. Post. In the end he did find one of them, and unfortunately it had to be the last.

Giles slowed on the sidewalk outside of one of Sunnydale's cemeteries when he saw her ahead. He thought briefly about turning around, but then she turned and saw him.

"Ah, Mr. Giles—emerged from your library, I see. Is there anything new of any interest?"

He told her about the probable location of the glove, and that it was being checked out—though he did not say by whom. The last thing he needed just now was a berating over the protocol involving civilians in Slayer business. He told her, too, about the illustration he'd found of a wood engraving of the Glove of Myhnegon.

"Yes, engraved by Father Theodore of Wolsham." So she _had_ seen it before, then. "Based, I believe, on very sketchy and unreliable folk legends."

"Oh. Well..."

"You found this illustration in one of your books?"

"Of course."

"Well the pictures are fun to look at, Mr. Giles, but one really ought to read the nice words as well. I'm certain whatever book you may have discovered it in would have told you exactly what I just have," she smirked.

Rupert had to struggle to hold his tongue. Not only did she have to be here, causing trouble merely by the being, but she had to...to...be this way.

"I know that you must find me tiresome," Mrs. Post said after a moment, when he said nothing, "but it's insidious, really. A person slips up on the little things, and soon everything's gone to hell in a handbasket. For example...Buffy, your Slayer..."

"Mrs. Post, I can assure you that Buffy is both dedicated and industrious, and I am in complete control of my Slayer."

But this being Sunnydale, this being his life, and his luck...that was when Xander Harris rounded the street corner and saw them. "Giles! Thank god. You weren't at home, and—anyway, we have a big problem. It's Buffy."

Giles stared at him for a moment and then slipped past Mrs. Post to pull Xander farther away by the arm. "Will you excuse us?" he shot back over his shoulder. The other Watcher said nothing, and Rupert got Xander aside and let him explain what was going on.

"Would you like some assistance?" Mrs. Post called after a moment.

He glanced back at her and forced a smile. "Thank you. That won't be necessary." His heart sank even further as he listened to Xander, and he wondered if things could get much worse.

* * *

It seemed Mrs. Post and Faith would be leaving Sunnydale once this whole Lagos-and-the-glove thing was over, and now Buffy _had_ the glove. Angel had found it, apparently, and he'd shown her when she went back to the mansion before headed home last night. There had been much more to that particular meeting with Angel, but she really didn't want to think about that right now...

Now all that was left of this case was to take Lagos out of the picture, and Buffy decided to be happy about that. She went to school optimistic, and managed to keep it up until she made it to an otherwise empty library and a serious-looking Giles asked her to step into his office for a moment.

Xander was there.

"What's going on?" she asked, confused.

Her friend shrugged. "Hey, I wanted to tell the others and have everybody here, but tact-guy there shot that down."

Giles looked at him sharply. "Xander, it would not have been appropriate. Perhaps under other circumstances more drastic measures would have been justified, but not now."

Buffy blinked. "What the hell are you two talking about?"

"Oh, I don't know," Xander snapped. "Maybe about the fact that I saw you _making out_ with a vicious killer last night?"

She stared at him open-mouthed. "You were _spying_ on me?"

"_I _was investigating the Von Hauptman crypt and saw your guy coming out of it with the glove. It wasthe glove, wasn't it? Needless to say it looked more than a little suspicious. So I followed him."

"SO? You have no right to—"

Giles cleared his throat. "I'm afraid he does, Buffy. We all have a responsibility now, in fact, to make certain that Angel is not a danger and will not become so again."

"I've already done that! I'm certain!"

Xander narrowed his eyes at her. "And how can we be sure _you _aren't compromised?"

More staring. Was he _asking_ for a beat-down? "Oh my god, Xander, how can you even suggest that? I'm me. _Me_. And Angel is Angel. What more do you want?"

"Some sort of proof would be preferable," Giles told her immediately.

"He's keeping the glove safe for us. He's looking for a way to destroy it. Isn't that proof enough?" Buffy protested. "And _you_..."

She turned angrily on Xander, and he held his hands up. "Hey, I was just trying to do my job as a good Scooby. What the hell were _you_ doing kissing _him_? You told us you weren't with him like that. You lied to us, Buffy!"

"I'm not! I didn't! It was an accident!"

Xander opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something to that but then, strangely, he glanced a little nervously at Giles and quickly looked away again.

Buffy swallowed. "It was wrong. Ok? I know that, and I_ know_ that it can't happen again. You have to believe me; that was the _only_ time something like that had ever happened." She looked to Giles, knowing he was more likely to believe her than an angry Xander, and she wasn't disappointed—though it did hurt to see _his_ disappointment in his eyes. "Giles?"

He looked at her for another long moment before he answered, with Xander looking back and forth between them. "I believe you," he said finally. "You have to understand that we couldn't take the chance that there was some sort of danger."

She nodded a little. "I-I know...I guess...sure."

Xander was blinking some now. "Are you serious? That's it? We have to do more than that! She could be under a spell or something. A guy with Angel's track record—"

"We will retrieve the glove and destroy it as soon as we can, Xander. That is our primary goal just now. We too should be searching for a way to do that, and we do not have the time to further deal with this."

"Deal with this?" Buffy echoed.

Xander snorted. "Great. Brilliant plan. Leave tons of firepower with a scary guy, and leave us to clean up the mess. Great work you guys." He stormed out, leaving Buffy and Giles alone.

She started to go after him. "Should I—?"

"I wouldn't," Giles answered.

Buffy turned back to him slowly, and when she did he wasn't looking at her. "It really was an accident," she told him.

"So you've said," he answered quietly. "And I can understand that."

She frowned. "But...what?" Something was still wrong.

Giles shook his head and moved to straighten the papers on his desk. "Nothing. It's nothing. You should get to your classes." He wouldn't turn around, and it seemed he was waiting for her to go.

And she knew she'd hurt him. Or upset him. Possibly both. More than likely both.

"Classes..."

"We will meet here tonight. If I have found a way to destroy the glove by then, we will get it from Angel, and we will do so. After that, with a good bit of luck perhaps Mrs. Post will be able to give whatever report the Council expects of her, and she and Faith will be on their way."

Buffy nodded weakly. "And everything can just go back to normal...or what passes for normal around here."

"Yes," Giles answered, though it sounded strained and his back was still turned.

She wanted to say something else, make this right—whatever, exactly, was wrong—but what _could_ she say? So she swallowed hard, and she went to class.

* * *

Xander was at the pool table at the Bronze that night burning off some steam when Faith approached and leaned casually against the edge.

"What do you want?" he asked, shooting and missing horribly.

She shrugged. "Don't think I don't know what you were talking about this morning—you and your little secret meeting. Mrs. Post told me she saw you and Giles talking last night."

"So what were we talking about then?"

"More about this glove than you're letting on."

Xander smirked. "Oh yeah? How about a shot of some real news? Angel has the glove, and I saw him an Buffy locked in some serious lip action. Maybe apart neither of those things would be so hard to understand, but together they add up to some seriously suspicious crap."

Faith's eyebrows climbed to her hairline. "You think he's still evil or something."

"Oh yeah. I think so. 'Keeping the glove safe' my ass..." He'd never liked that Angel was back. Maybe when Angel was around before he went evil and Buffy killed him, it had something to do with jealousy, but now...now he didn't know. He just knew he still didn't like the guy, and any indication that he might have gone bad again was enough for him. He didn't want Buffy to get hurt—much less any of the rest of them. If Angel was using her, it had to be stopped.

"I can't believe her..." Faith muttered. "She lied about not hooking up with him."

"She says what I saw was the only time she kissed him, but how do we know she wasn't lying?"

"We don't. She could have been," Faith agreed.

"Exactly. And Giles just believes her. Sure he gives all this crap about making sure there's no danger and he still seems kinda upset about the whole thing, but he's not _doing_ anything."

The newer Slayer drew herself up. "Then I say _I _do something. If vamp-boy's a demon and Buffy's not seein' it then it's up to me anyway, right? I say I slay."

Xander couldn't help smiling a little. "Can I come?"


	20. Chapter 20

Okidoki. :) Here ya'll go! If you're still enjoying this please do review. As long as ya'll are still interested once this story is done there'll be a sequal, and I have one other Buffy story at least, in the works. One of them I may start soon, actually, since it's unrelated and I have more time to write for now, for the summer. The only thing is that it's kind of depressing in places. It's Giles-centric (surprise surprise) but it's much less demon-and-vampire-fighting and much more an emotional piece, Giles and his relationship/friendship with Buffy and the Scoobies. And it's a bit long-ish, though definately not as long as this one. And what else I will tell you about it is that I have been reading/watching way too much Nicholas Sparks in recent months. :P Anybody interested at all? lol

Okay, anyway, ya'll enjoy this chapter, and have a good rest of the week! I can't wait to hear from ya'll; thanks so much!

Chapter 20

Giles paused just inside the door of his apartment and glanced back, making certain that everything looked normal enough. For him, anyway—or him when he was human. Not that much had changed in here since then, but for the heavier curtains that were now shoved into a chest and the blood in the refrigerator that had been hidden in a paper bag and pushed to the back. He had yet to really decide the best course of action for avoiding suspicion on the subject of the library and the fact that she had not yet been invited there, but having her here seemed the best way to appease her for now. Hopefully the situation with Lagos and the glove would be over soon anyway.

Satisfied that everything looked as decent as it was going to, Rupert opened the door that had been knocked on. Gwendolyn Post came in when he invited her, and stood in the main room of the apartment glancing about.

"You wanted to see me, Mr. Giles?"

"Yes. Did you find the place all right?"

She raised an eyebrow at him. "I do believe I can follow directions."

He blinked. "Yes, well, I do apologize for bringing you in at this late hour."

Mrs. Post shrugged. "Please. A good Watcher must be awake and alert at all hours."

Giles moved back toward the kitchen to let her farther inside. "Would you like some tea?"

"God, yes, please. I'm completely knackered. I spent the afternoon training with Faith," she said, taking a seat in the nearby desk chair. "She doesn't lack for energy."

"She's your first Slayer, I take it?"

There went the eyebrow again, along with a bit of a smile, which he saw when he glanced back as he ducked into the kitchen and brought out the tea tray. "If you're questioning my qualifications—"

"No, I'm not. It was merely an observation." He set the tray on the desk and handed her a cup, then took one for himself. "As it is, I asked you here to let you know that we have the glove. Or we know where it is, more specifically. I believe it's safe." If anything was going to happen with Angel, it would have happened. As much as Rupert hated to admit it, whatever the reason for Angel's return, it didn't seem to mean that Angel wasn't who he appeared to be. And Angel himself, before he had become Angelus, had always been a trustworthy man. "It's in a mansion on Crawford Street. A...friend of Buffy's is keeping it there."

Mrs. Post's eyes went wide, and she abandoned her tea and stood quickly. "We must get to it. Immediately. Hide it before someone else finds it."

Giles nodded. "Or better still, destroy it."

She looked at him as if she had no idea what he was talking about. "Destroy it?"

"I uhm...I didn't think it could be done either, but..." He turned back to the desk and picked up a book that lay open there to show her. "It involves transforming fire into living flame and immolating the glove. I-It's complex, but I believe I have all the necessary materials..." he trailed. He set the book down again and turned back again to look over those materials, which he'd begun gathering on the desk as well.

Mrs. Post sighed behind him. "Well, I must say, Mr. Giles...good show." He heard her moving, and he heard something scraping a bit, and he heard her moving in behind him, but he knew a human might not have. So he didn't react. He didn't put it together, either, until the statuette cracked him across the back of the skull.

Giles grunted, seeing stars, and twisted sluggishly to stare at her in shock.

She smirked. "Good show indeed."

She swung again, catching him hard enough across the forehead and temple to likely kill any human, and he spun before crumpling to the floor. Everything went black, just for a moment. When the world snapped back into place he was face-down on the floor, and his head felt as if a bomb had gone off in there, and he knew that Gwendolyn Post was _not_ a Watcher, and it made him angry. He heard her over him but he didn't move. He knew his face had shifted, and even if it hadn't, a human would be unconsious at the very least and if he moved she would know something wasn't right. He heard her chuckling to herself, and then she left, and only when he was certain she wasn't coming back did he get up. Giles glowered at the closed door for a moment, and he slipped out into the night himself when he'd calmed enough to force his face back to its human visage and he was sure Mrs. Post would be nowhere near enough to see him leave.

He had to find Buffy. They had a very serious problem.

* * *

Xander willingly followed Faith to the library, where they loaded up on weapons and headed for the mansion across town. His spider sense was tingling and he couldn't figure out why, beyond the thought that he had to be right—Angel wasn't himself like Buffy seemed to think. He needed to be stopped. He was bad news. He'd always been bad news, in one way or another...at least from Xander's perspective.

When Faith burst through the mansion's front door and they saw a vamped-out Angel leaning over a middle-aged woman, Faith called out "Mrs. Post!" and it seemed their suspicions were confirmed. Angel straightened, defensive, and the Slayer in front of Xander looked the vampire up and down with disgust.

"I can't believe how much I'm gonna kill you."

"You're not getting that glove," Angel answered.

Xander snorted. "And what are _you_ gonna do with it? Rule the world because you couldn't destroy it?"

Angel blinked and looked over Faith's shoulder, and it looked like he hadn't realized the young man was there until now. Now he stared at him in confusion. "Xander?"

Then Faith punched him.

Angel reared back, growling, and retaliated by kicking the hooked bat from her hands. Faith responded to that by going in for hand-to-hand combat, and Angel had no choice but to defend himself.

Xander stood where he was, mouth open, and it only took a moment to realize that despite the vamp-face it had been Angel looking at him then, not Angelus. Unfortunately for him he'd spent enough time around both to know the difference.

He glanced down at Mrs. Post against the wall, cowering, but now that he was thinking he saw right through it. He'd never seen the woman before and he knew she was faking it. He saw the discarded shovel on the floor, and he saw the spell set-up in the middle of the mansion's main room. Buffy had said Angel was looking for a way to destroy the glove...and was this it?

It all came down to the fact that Buffy had been right, and he had been wrong.

And Faith and Angel were still going at it, and Faith was about to kill him. She'd flipped him over the couch and had him stunned and on his back and was pulling out a stake to finish the job.

He could have let it happen, but...he didn't. Xander didn't know if he did it for Buffy or what else for, but he found himself moving forward and shouting.

"Faith, stop!"

She froze and glared back at him, stake in the air. "_What_?" Angel still didn't move, and Xander realized he must be unconsious. Back when Buffy had told them all that he was alive she'd mentioned something about him not being up to full strength yet, that he needed her help. Apparently he still wasn't up to speed, if the toss into the couch had put him out.

Faith was still staring at him. "_What_, Xander? You're interrupting my kill here."

Xander swallowed. "Don't...he...Buffy was right."

"Excuse me?"

"Look, I hadn't seen him since he came back. I didn't know either. But I can tell you right now that that's not Angelus. He's on the level. Believe me, I kind of wanted an excuse to dust him so I kind of wanted him to be evil too, but he's not."

"How the hell do _you_ know?"

"I just do, okay, now back off!"

Faith still glared at him, but she started to back off.

"Do it, Faith," Mrs. Post said from behind him. "He's a vampire. He must be destroyed. That is your calling, your duty."

The Slayer looked back and forth between them, torn.

"But—"

"Do it."

"Faith, don't," Xander shot back. She started to back away from Angel. She still didn't looked happy, but she was moving.

That was when a rough hand yanked Xander back by the hair, and he felt a knife blade at his throat. "Gah! What the—!"

Faith stared at them, wide-eyed. "Mrs. Post—!"

"I would kill the vampire if I were you, Faith," she answered smoothly. "Get rid of him and fetch me the glove from the chest, if you would be so kind. Otherwise I don't believe your little friend here will quite enjoy the consequences."

"You bitch. You wanted the glove the for yourself..."

"Of course. Chop chop, now."

Faith looked at Xander, and he looked back. Conflicting thoughts warred in his head. _Don't do it don't do it don't do it _battled with _I don't wanna die I don't wanna die I don't wanna die._

The knife dug into his skin a bit and his jaw clenched. He was bigger than Mrs. Post and maybe he could have overtaken her, but probably not before she slit his throat. That would definitely put a damper on any efforts. The only reason she'd been able to get him in this position at all was because he hadn't been paying attention. After these past two years being part of the Scooby Gang he should have known better.

After another moment Faith moved toward the chest, not toward Angel, but that seemed to be good enough for Mrs. Post. She didn't protest. A running commentary of _this is bad this is bad this is bad this is bad _repeated in Xander's mind, but there was nothing he could do. He tried to remember anything from the army training still stuck in head from last Halloween, but nothing useful popped up.

What now?  
With no other choice, really, Faith went to the trunk, found the glove and unwrapped it. Gingerly she pulled it out of the trunk and swallowed as she looked at it.

"Very good, Faith, now bring it here."

Faith came within a few feet, and then stopped and glared at the British woman. "I shouldn't give you this."

"You really shouldn't," Xander echoed. It seemed like the right thing to say. He just really hoped he wouldn't be dead in the next minute or so. That would _really_ make his day a bummer, and already it hadn't been great so far.

"Oh, shut up," Mrs. Post growled. Before he knew what was happening he'd been flung into the wall and he sank to the ground, dazed. He heard Faith call his name but when he tried to look up he saw the handle of the knife swinging at his face, and a moment later everything went dark.

* * *

The night had been going all right for Buffy. Willow went out on patrol with her and they got some good girl talk in. Lagos showed up at the Von Hauptman crypt, but she killed him, which gave her self-confidence a much-needed boost. Hopefully the news that the demon was done for would make Giles happier than he'd been that morning. She still didn't know what to do about that.

Then Giles himself showed up out of the blue, running into them as they left the cemetery, and he was sporting a nasty gash on the side of his forehead that spread back to his temple. She didn't notice that part at first, but it didn't take long.

"Hey! We were just coming to tell yo—and oh my _god_ what the hell happened to you?"

"Giles!" Willow gasped.

He didn't seem to know what they meant at first, and then he winced. "It's only painful, not dangerous. Please listen; I'm afraid we have more of a problem than we feared."

"What kind of problem? Lagos is out of the picture. I just offed him."

"Yes, wonderful, but it was not Lagos who attacked me."

"Obviously. I repeat: What the hell happened?"

Giles scowled to himself. "Gwendolyn Post happened. The moment she heard that I knew where the glove was she promptly knocked me out and left. Or she _believed _she had rendered me unconsious, anyhow. She must want the glove. She is _not_ a Watcher and if she ever was she has most decidedly switched sides."

Oh.

"Brilliant," Buffy muttered. "So the only good thing about this is that we don't have to worry about her reporting anything to the Council, huh?"

"I'm afraid we don't have the time to discuss the ups and downs at the moment; she's likely headed straight for the mansion."

He didn't have to tell her twice. Angel was there, and while he was still stronger than most humans, he wasn't completely recovered from the dimensional travel and his stay in a hell dimension. He wasn't as strong as he could be. He could be in danger...and they couldn't let Mrs. Post get to the glove, either. Buffy spun and headed in the direction of Crawford Street. Giles and Willow followed.

"Where's Faith?" Willow asked as they ran. "If Mrs. Post _did_ get a hold of the glove won't we need her too?"

But they didn't have time to find her, and in the end they didn't need to. They made it to the mansion in time to see Mrs. Post toss Xander into a wall and proceed to knock him out with the handle of a knife she had in her hands. Faith shouted his name and tried to move in on her, but Mrs. Post held the knife against his throat and threw up her other hand in warning.

"Give the glove to me or the boy dies!"

Faith remained frozen, furious. "Get away from him..."

Buffy, in the shadows by the side entrance, started forward, but Giles held her back.

"Wait!" he whispered. "Do you want to get him killed!"

She swallowed, and stayed where she was, and behind her Willow whimpered quietly.

"What are they even doing here?" Will questioned.

Angel was unconsious across the couch and coffee table, though it wasn't clear whose work that had been. Either way, that couldn't be good.

It was apparent that Faith didn't know what to do. That was probably the only reason that Mrs. Post succeeded when she shot to her feet and shoved the Slayer back, ripping the glove from her hands.

"Hey!" Faith cried.

Mrs. Post must have known she couldn't really fight Faith, because she ran—straight for the side entrance Buffy and Willow and Giles were hiding outside. But Xander wasn't in immediate danger anymore, and Giles let go of Buffy's arm. "Go!"

She did, or started to, but not before Faith caught up to Mrs. Post . In a lucky break for the apparently evil British woman, the initial grapple tripped up the newer Slayer and Mrs. Post was able to fling her around and send her crashing through the glass doors of the entrance and into Buffy, who stumbled back into Giles and Willow. Willow screamed, and all four of them toppled to the ground in a tangle of arms and legs amidst the shards.

By the time they all made it back to their feet—though it only took a few seconds—they had a much bigger problem than the cuts and bruises.

Mrs. Post had put the glove on. Lightning flashed as she held up the adorned arm and shouted to the sky in a language Buffy didn't recognize at all. The curved spikes around the opening of the glove had dug into her flesh and clamped there. That glove wasn't coming off.

"Crap," she hissed.

"An accurate statement—if not a severe understatement," Giles assessed, eyes wide now.

That was when Mrs. Post turned the glove on them, speaking again and sending the lighting streaking their way. They ducked back, out of the way of the door, Buffy and Faith on one side and Giles and Willow on the other.

"We must stop her, or god knows what she'll do!" Giles called.

"Yeah, I gathered that!" Buffy shouted back. Oh god, Angel was still in there...She glanced inside, but a thin strike of lighting bursting against the doorframe near her head made her pull back again. It didn't matter though; she'd seen what she needed to see. Angel was getting up. She looked back to Faith, who was looking more than a little upset. "Can you draw her fire?"

The other Slayer glared. "You bet I can," she nodded.

"Go do it."

Faith jumped up without a word and dashed in through the shattered doors. Mrs. Post twisted to follow her path with the lightning strikes, and Buffy stepped out into the field of broken glass to find what she was looking for.

"Buffy!"

She didn't see the energy bolt until something barreled into her and shoved her aside, knocking the wind out of her. She still caught some of the electricity—if that was even what is really was—and she couldn't start breathing again for a long moment after she hit the ground for the second time in the last minute and a half.

That was when she realized it had been her Watcher who saved her.

"Giles!" He'd fallen with her, and he'd taken the brunt of hit. Or...what of it had hit them, anyway. If either of them had taken one straight on she was sure they would be tiny pieces by now. It had to have been a glancing blow, but it had done some serious damage. The back of his shirt and tweed jacket were now scorched ruins, and he was unconsious.

But he wasn't on fire and he wasn't dust. He would be fine.

That didn't mean she liked this.

Giles was clear of the door, so she was free to jump back to her feet and get back to business as Willow rushed to his side. Buffy snatched up the large piece of glass she'd spotted just before she was interrupted, and ran into the main room of the mansion. She wondered what had happened to Faith covering for her, and got her answer as Angel and her fellow Slayer climbed to their feet from a spot on the floor under a rather large hole blasted into the wall.

Mrs. Post thought she was clear for the moment. She smirked and looked at the glove in admiration, speaking mostly to herself. "There's nothing you can do to me now. I have the glove. With the glove comes the power."

Buffy's jaw set. "I'm getting that."

As Mrs. Post spun her way she threw the sharp, heavy disk of glass...and it cut the woman's arm off just above where the glove had joined to it. The glove and arm fell to the ground, and whatever forces she had been commanding didn't seem to like the separation of operator and tool. The lighting from above converged on her, and in moments Mrs. Post's screaming form had disintegrated.

Buffy stared at the empty, smoking spot on the carpet where Gwendolyn Post had stood, as on the ground the spikes from the glove pulled back to their original positions and out of the flesh of the dead arm. Faith stared for a long moment too before she swallowed and went to check on Xander, and Angel came to Buffy's side, shifting back to his human face as he moved.

"Hey..."

She glanced at him finally. "Hey. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. What about you?"

She nodded wearily, and looked to see how Xander was doing. He was awake now and Faith was helping him to his feet. He started hopping toward Buffy and Angel, and she had no choice but to come with him to help.

"So...what happened?" he asked, disoriented and wincing.

"She's gone," Buffy told him. She looked at Faith. "Giles is hurt too, but we can't take him to the hospital, for obvious reasons. Willow and I should see what we can do for him. Can you get Xander to the emergency room?"

Faith still seemed a little shaken, but she nodded. "Sure thing." She started to get going then, but Xander resisted the movement for a moment.

"Wait..." He looked up at Buffy, glancing briefly at Angel, too. "Look, I'm sorry..."

She blinked. "For what?" It wasn't as if she didn't have a bit of an idea, but...well...for now, at least, there was the she-was-happy-he-was-alive thing.

Xander opened his mouth to say something else, but then he had to shut his eyes as he grimaced. "Uhm, yeah, maybe we can talk about it later..." He swayed, and Buffy and Angel jumped forward at the same time to help hold him up. When he was stabilized again they backed off and Faith had him.

"Good idea," Buffy agreed. "Now would you rather Faith called an ambulance, or called Cordelia for a lift?"

He shrugged. "My parents aren't gonna be happy either way."

Buffy glanced up at Faith and shrugged. "Your call. And thanks."

Faith nodded and moved off toward the front doors with Xander, and then Buffy was headed back out through the side entrance and into the courtyard where Willow was worrying over Giles, who was still out. She realized Angel was following her and she turned around to stop him.

"What?" he asked.

She winced apologetically. "I'm sorry, but it's just that...you know, he's like you now, so he could wake up any time, and I...I uhm...I just really don't think he's ready to see you yet..."

His eyebrows went up in surprise, but after the initial reaction he seemed to understand. "Oh. Right. I uhm...it's okay. I should get this glove destroyed anyway, so..."

Buffy nodded. "Yeah."

Angel glanced away uncomfortably, and he spoke again after a moment, taking a step back. "Maybe I'll help Faith with Xander first."

"Okay." Under normal circumstances that probably wouldn't have been his first choice, but they both knew it was a good idea now. It would get him away from here long enough for Buffy and Willow—and probably Oz, with any luck, if he was awake to answer the phone—to move Giles.

Angel moved around her to retrieve the glove, arm and all, and put it back in the trunk until he could get back to finish the ritual to destroy it. Buffy went to the side entrance and began to pull the black curtain back down to cover the opening that now had no other protection, but before she dropped it completely she shared one last look with Angel. As usual, she couldn't read his expression.

It didn't help that she didn't know what_ she_ was feeling, either.

She heard a groan behind her, and she dropped the curtain.

"Buffy, he's awake," Willow called.

"Heard that." Buffy turned and came to kneel at her Watcher's side, being careful of the glass fragments. Willow had long since gotten his jacket off and was on the other side of him now, taking a look at the damage through the remains of the back of his shirt as his eyes flickered open. "Hey."

"Good god," Giles groaned in answer.

She grimaced. "I guess that hurts, huh?"

"Quite a bit, actually," he grunted. His eyes weren't quite focused yet, either.

"Giles, it's a burn—fire being one of the things known for doing in vampires."

"Does that mean it might take longer to heal than something else?" Willow asked anxiously.

"Quite possibly," Giles admitted grudgingly. A little more focused now, he glanced about them as much as he could without really moving. "What on earth happened?"

"Post is toast. It's over," Buffy said. One of her Watcher's hands was flung high above his head with the arm his head was resting on, but the other was on the ground at her knees trying to find something to grip in the flat stone. She took it in both of hers and let him squeeze. "Just don't break 'em, okay? You could do that now."

He tried to laugh at that, but apparently the movement hurt, too.

"Hey, take it easy!" Willow cried. "No moving. This is bad back here."

Giles's eyes closed wearily. "It _will_ heal, Willow. I will be fine."

"I-I know, but it looks really bad and I just, you know, want to help..."

He smiled some. "Thank you." His eyes opened again and he glanced up at Buffy, and she looked across him at her friend.

"Hey, Will, why don't you follow the others to the nearest phone and get Oz over here? We'll probably need his van to get Giles home."

Willow stood, nodding. "Right. Yeah." She hesitated, though. "Will you two be okay here?"

"We'll be fine. Go on." She left, and Buffy looked back down at her Watcher, who was pulling in the arm that had been out straight to curl it under his head. She figured out that he was trying to make a better pillow, and she grabbed what was left of his jacket and balled it up under his head. "There. That any better?"

"A bit. Thank you." But he was still making a face, and his grip on her hands was tight, and she wondered how much pain he could feel. Being strong didn't mean that she couldn't feel pain—just that it wasn't always as important. She didn't notice it as much as a normal human, but it was there. She could hurt just as much as anyone else. As far as she knew, it was pretty much the same for vampires.

Which meant Giles had to be in a lot of pain.

Buffy swallowed and tried to force a nonchalant smile. "And I thought you were mad at me."

He looked up at her in tired surprise. "Of course not, Buffy. I was never _angry _with you..."

"But you didn't like that I'd been kissing Angel. Even if it _was_ just once."

"Well not particularly, but...but only because I didn't want to see you hurt."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "You're trying to pull the oh-I'm-so-not-biased routine with _me_?"

Giles held her gaze for a moment and then looked away. "No, I suppose not." His eyes closed again, clenching shut hard this time.

"Giles?"

"I'm fine." He didn't sound fine. The squeeze factor she was getting from that hand didn't really indicate fine, either. He seemed to realize that was what was giving him away, because he let go and pulled his arm in. "I'll be fine," he repeated, sounding even more strained than the first time or two.

"I _know_ you'll be fine, but this still sucks. Not the being alive part but the fact that you're probably gonna be pretty immobile for a good few days thanks to me." Buffy sighed and shook her head at him once he'd opened his eyes again. "Anyway...thanks for the saving-my-life thing," she said gently.

He smiled a bit. "Doing my job."

"Above and beyond the call of duty, much?"

Keeping his eyes open wasn't working anymore; that much was certain. They were already drifting shut yet again. "Not at all," he muttered.

"So do you plan on pulling this heroic stuff and saving my life more often then?" she teased.

"If need be..." Giles trailed. She thought that would be it before he was out, but he whispered one more thing before he drifted off. "I never thankedyou for saving mine..."

Buffy's mouth opened, but she realized quickly that he was already out again.

It didn't matter, because she wouldn't have known what to say anyway. She wondered if he would even remember, later, that he'd said it. She wondered if _she_ would believe later that he really had. It wasn't something she'd ever expected to hear. Not exactly a thanks, but...

When Willow came back a few moments later with the news that Oz was on his way, she found Buffy wiping tears from her face.

* * *

Giles woke up in his own bed with no recollection of how he'd gotten there. It didn't take long to remember _why_ he was there, though, when his back flared with pain as soon as he tried to move. _Post...the glove...Buffy..._

Buffy and Willow must have brought him home. He wondered if Oz had made it there to help.

Rupert tried the moving again, more slowly, and it went a bit better this time. His shoes and ruined shirt had been removed, and otherwise he was dressed just as he'd been the last time he remembered being awake. Willow had gone to call Oz, and Buffy stayed with him...

Bandages wound around much of his torso. They helped, along with whatever had been applied under them. He didn't know how long he'd been out, but the healing process had begun, even if he could tell already that it _was_ going to take a while longer than something else might have. Vampire physiology apparently didn't take well to burns. Surprise, surprise. There was a piece of gauze taped over the now-clean wound to his forehead, too, though that cut would close up soon enough.

Carefully Giles pushed up on one elbow, grimacing, and listened for any sign of anyone else in the apartment. He heard movement downstairs, and only enough for one person. He could tell that it was Buffy; months of hearing the various members of the Scooby Gang walk about in the library and elsewhere every day, with the advanced hearing, and now he could usually tell who was who just by their footsteps or other movement. After he'd gotten over the strangeness of being able to differentiate so easily, it became quite fascinating.

Xander shuffled more than the rest of them. Willow's steps often sounded timid, and were softer than the others' steps because she was smaller and lighter and usually wore relatively soft-soled tennis shoes. Oz's steps were calm and relaxed, and Cordelia's short and quick and sharp and almost demanding something just by the sound of them. Buffy's footsteps were strong and sure, more fluid than she often gave herself credit for in training. The unmistakable sound of a Slayer.

The footsteps started up the stairs, slowly and quietly, and he knew she didn't know he was awake. She was only coming up to check on him.

"Buffy?"

A pause. "Giles? You awake?"

"Yes," he called.

The footsteps started up again, with a little more speed this time and without the attempt at being quiet at all. "Welcome back," Buffy smiled as she appeared at the top of the stairs. She came closer and crossed her arms. "How're you feeling?"

Under normal circumstances he would have shrugged, but that seemed like a brilliantly horrible idea at the moment. "Better than I was," he told her. "I'm afraid I can't claim anything more encouraging just yet." Staying propped up on the elbow wasn't going to work for much longer. The position was pulling at the burned skin.

"How'd we do? Willow was point-girl on _what_ to do and I just helped, so really I should say how did _she_ do, but anyway, how's the bandage work? It okay? It helping at all?"

Giles nodded. "It's fine, Buffy. Thank you. Thank Willow for me as well."

"You bet. Though you could just tell her yourself; I probably won't be able to hold off the visitors much longer."

He winced and carefully let his arm slide out from under him so he was back on his side, and his head on his pillow again. "I see."

"Face it, Giles: we love ya."

"You seem particularly chipper this morning. Or is it morning?"

"Yeah, it's morning. It's a new morning and Mrs. Post is gone and I don't have to worry about anyone reporting anything about you to the Council, so I don't have to worry about losing you, and Xander's going to be fine. They're releasing him this morning. Why _wouldn't_ I be happy?" Buffy held that for a moment, and then deflated slightly. "Okay, so Faith was seriously freaked out by that whole thing with Mrs. Post and I'm not sure how she's gonna react next time I see her and I have no idea what to do about Angel, in general, but whatever. I'm doing the choosing not to be mopey. The tactic _has_ had some limited success in the past."  
Rupert had to smile. "It is a decent one. Much in this world depends on choices that we make."

Buffy looked away, and he realized she'd read more into that than he'd meant.

Then he remembered what he'd said before he blacked out.

Giles swallowed and forced himself up on the elbow again. "Buffy...I did mean it...what I said at the mansion before I uhm, lost consciousness..." he said carefully.

Her eyes widened a little, as if she hadn't expected him to mention it. Then an eyebrow went up. "You mean what you didn't-exactly say?"

"Well...yes..."

She blinked. "Oh." Slowly she smiled, but she said nothing else about it. It seemed that would be the end of it.

Buffy headed back for the staircase. "So uhm, do you need anything?"

Giles lay back down again and shook his head against the pillow. "No, thank you." What he needed he would rather get himself, to be more accurate. Buffy paused and glanced back at him, a hand on the stair rail. She promptly brought the other hand to a hip.

"Uh huh. I'll be right back."

Then she was going.

"Buffy..."

"It's too late," she called back. "You and Xander went and got yourselves hurt, and you have awakened Mother-Hen Buffy. Remember her?"

"A bit too well," he muttered.

"I heard that!" Rupert jerked in surprise, grimaced in pain, and had to let out a grunt, and from downstairs Buffy continued. "Hey, just because I don't have vampire hearing doesn't mean my hearing completely _sucks_. Hello, Slayer?" He heard the refrigerator open, and almost expected a confused question of where to look, but she found the paper bag and found what she was looking for. "Okay, so do you do anything...like...specific with this...?"

Giles pinched the bridge of his nose and made a face. "No..."

"Okay..."

Buffy trailed off, and there was movement in the kitchen for another moment or more before she started across the main room and up the stairs again. When she made it up she set a mug on the nightstand and looked at him uncertainly.

"Do you want to sit up? Do you even need any help with that, or...?"

Rupert sighed and pushed up on his elbow again, and let her take his other arm and help pull him slowly and carefully upright. He couldn't help the sounds he made as he moved; it hurt. But if he'd been human he likely wouldn't have survived the hit at all. He supposed he should at least be grateful for that.

When he was sitting up he let a shoulder rest against the headboard, and when Buffy was satisfied that he was steady enough she handed him the mug and went for the stairs again.

"I'll be down here if you need anything else, okay?"

"All right. Thank you."

Giles waited until she was downstairs, and then looked down at the blood in the cup in his hands. He was feeling all right about everything, and then there was this. Maybe he was getting used to certain things, but every now and then some fact or another would still jump out and bite him in the ass. He supposed that was unavoidable, and this was one of them.

He always drank the blood cold. He didn't want it to have any resemblance to the warm substance that would be taken from the victim of a 'normal' vampire. He wasn't 'normal' in that respect, and he was happier that way.

Rupert drank what was in the mug, and set it back on the nightstand. His face hadn't shifted; he had learned to control that, at least, even before he returned from Los Angeles. Giles let his head rest back against the headboard and closed his eyes.

Los Angeles...

He didn't miss the city at all. Not the place itself.

But there had been the people, too.

* * *

Buffy didn't quite make it to the hospital on time later that morning, and when her mom dropped her off the others already had Xander outside and all of them formed a loose knot between Cordelia's car and Oz's van.

"Buffy! You made it. Here I almost thought you weren't gonna show," Xander smiled sheepishly.

She shrugged and hugged him. "I'm here. Are you okay?"

"Yea, the doc gave me a clean bill of health."

"No, he said you'd have one if you made sure to take it easy for a few days," Cordelia corrected.

Willow nodded quickly. "That's right. You should go home and get some rest."

"So I can be bait again next week, right?"

Buffy crossed her arms and gave him a look. "I would never condone anyone hurting my friends for _any_ reason, but something tells me you kind of deserved it this time."

Xander winced. "Look, I honestly believed Angel might still be bad news, and Faith was kind of inclined to believe me—always ready for a fight and all, that one. It just took off from there. No, it's really not one of the smartest things I've ever done..."

She let out a breath, and no one else tried to jump into the conversation before she could get out what she needed to say. The others had pulled away a bit into their own little group, actually, seeming to get that this was between her and Xander.

"I'm not disagreeing with you there. And I _am_ mad at you. Just not in the stand-here-and-yell-at-you kind of way or the not-speaking-to-you kind of way. Yes, that was really stupid of you last night. Faith too. But if I think about it a while I kind of see where you were coming from, and if it _was _Angelus and he'd been playing me you would have saved me and a whole lot of other people in the long run, _if_ you hadn't gotten yourselves _killed_ first. So I'm cutting you some slack. Be very grateful."

He nodded. "Yeah...I know. All of it, I know. Thanks. I mean...this doesn't mean I suddenly like the guy or anything, but I believe it's actually him now. I still hate him with a fiery passion, but if he wasn't Angelus I wasn't just gonna let Faith kill him, so..."

"She tried?"

"Well for a minute there, yeah, though to be fair, the way we found him and Mrs. Post really didn't look good for Angel."

Buffy looked up at him curiously. "And you tried to stop her?"

He shrugged a little. "Once I'd figured out it was Angel, yeah."

Okay...she had to give him credit for that. "Thank you."

Xander smiled again, tentatively this time. "And you're not with Angel?"

"I'm not with Angel. Not that way. I promise," she said, and hugged him again.

"So uhm...does this mean we're cool?" he asked.

"We're cool," she said, letting go and taking a step back to eye him. "Just no more funny stuff, okay? You can hate anybody you want, but no staking."

"I know, I know..." Xander sighed. "Just...seeing the two of you kissing after everything that happened...I leaned toward postal. But I trust you." He held a hand to the gauze taped to his forehead, which matched the gauze on her Watcher's head, coincidently. "Can I go home now? Never thought I'd hear myself say that, but I don't feel so great at the moment," he said as they rejoined the others. When they did Cordelia took his arm.

"I'm taking you, right?" she said.

"So you said. Sorry, Cordy; looks like we'll have to postpone that date to the pier a few days."

"The forecast is looking rainy this weekend anyway," Oz offered.

Willow looked at Buffy. "So how is Giles doing?"

Xander's eyebrows went up. "Oh yeah, Will filled me in on how close we came to crispy-fried Watcher. Where _is_ Giles, anyway?"

"At home in bed, which I believe is where _you_ should be headed," Buffy told him.

"Except, you know, your home and your bed," Willow clarified.

"Right. Giles said thanks for the first aid job by the way, Will. Anyway, I should see if I can find Faith. You guys said she split last night?"

Cordelia nodded. "I pulled up, she and Angel helped get Xander in the car while I quietly panicked about having Angel anywhere near me, and then she and Angel were both gone. I haven't seen Faith since. Or Angel, thank god." Everyone else put in that they hadn't seen Faith, either. Great.

Buffy sighed. "Okay...if I'm pulling a probably-useless Faith search, who's on Giles duty? I know I just left there, but we probably shouldn't leave him alone for very long; he's not all that mobile."

Willow glanced at her boyfriend, who nodded slightly, and she looked back to Buffy. "Oz and I can head over there for now."

"Great. Thanks. I'll be back as soon as I can."

Surprisingly, she actually found Faith, and it was an easy job. She knocked on her fellow Slayer's door and Faith said, "Come in."

"Hey," she said, stepping inside and shutting the door behind her. Faith was on the motel room's bed, with a magazine in her lap and not really watching something old and black-and-white on the television set. There wasn't much more in the room than there had been the last time she'd seen it, two days after Faith came to Sunnydale. "The place looks nice."

"Yeah, it's real Spartan."

Buffy didn't really understand what she meant, so she let it pass and took a few steps closer to the bed. "How are you?"

"Five by five," she shrugged. Other than the taped cut on her upper cheek from going through the window, she looked fine.

"I'll interpret that as good." She sighed. "Look, Gwendolyn Post...whoever she may have been, had us all fooled. Even Giles.

"Yeah, well, you can't trust people. I should've learned that by now."

"You can trust _me_."

Faith tossed the magazine aside and really looked at her now. "Is that right?"

Buffy looked back steadily. "I didn't lie about not being with Angel. I'm not. I didn't lie about him being himself again, either. You saw that."

"Yeah, I guess." She shifted uncomfortably. "There was the whole thing where he saved my life even after I'd already tried to kick his ass."

"That's Angel. He's a good person. None of what Angelus did is his fault. He's not Angelus. You _know_ the gypsy curse works; you've been around Giles. You _like_ Giles. They're both people, Faith. Just people. It doesn't matter that they're a little different."

Faith looked away for a moment. "That doesn't change the fact that I should have known Post was off her rocker. I've been around enough crazy people. I should have sensed something. Or whatever. I should've just known."

Buffy came closer and sat on the foot of the bed whether her fellow Slayer liked it or not. "One truth we like to keep close around here: nobody's perfect."

The other girl snorted. "No crap. So?"

"So stop with the self-pity party. It's over, and everyone is fine—or they will be."

"Xander was just venting; it was _my_ idea to go in after Angel. I led him right in there and got him hurt. Getting people hurt seems to be my job."

"Again—he's going to be _fine_. I just saw him, and he's already back to his usual ridiculous self. There's nothing to worry about."

"What if it was worse?"

Buffy stood up. "What if it was?" she said hotly. "We're Slayers, Faith. Things happen. We do our best, but we can't know everything and we can't save everyone. You have to know that or you won't make it." Faith stared at her for a long moment, a little surprised by the ourburst. "You know I'm right," Buffy said more quietly.

Faith stared for another moment. Then she looked to the wall again, and finally she murmured, "Yeah. I know."

"Good." She sat down again, and gave the other girl a minute. "So you still in the game, or what?" she asked gently.

It only took a few seconds for Faith to nod. "Yeah. I'm in."

"So we're okay?"

"Sure. Five by five." She seemed uncertain about it, but Buffy was going to take what she could get. She nodded to herself and stood once more.

"Good. I'm glad." She went to the door and turned back to look at Faith one more time. "See you out there tonight?"

Faith finally smiled a little, but it was genuine enough. "Yeah."


	21. Chapter 21

Okidoki, here ya'll go. :) Thank you so much for the continued reviewing, and I hope to keep hearing from ya'll! It helps so much, and will definately increasing the probability of my getting around to those sequals...lol. ;) Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter, and thanks again! Have a great week ya'll!

Chapter 21

It didn't surprise Buffy that she had to let herself in at Giles's place. The sun wasn't quite down and in the last two weeks or so that he'd spent recovering he had often been up in bed, reading or cross-referencing or doing something else equally geeky. He hadn't been downstairs much, though one afternoon when he was Buffy had been shocked to discover that he actually owned a television. It was small and old, but it _was_ color and it really did exist. It wasn't her imagination or anything. Who knew?

Either way, she was used to coming in on her own. She let herself in and glanced around, not seeing him, though she'd expected that.

"Buffy?" He called from upstairs before she could say anything.

"Yeah. Hey."

"I don't need looking after anymore, you know," he answered.

She heard moving around up in the loft, and started to walk farther out into the living room so she could look up to see him. "What, I can't check up on you? No, I know; I have a completely legitimate reason for being here."

Giles came down the stairs—if a little slowly, still—and she noticed that the pajama pants had finally been replaced with jeans, and the t-shirts he'd been wearing since he'd been able to stand anything besides the bandages at all had been replaced by a sweater.

He was also carrying a packed bag that he set on his desk when he made it to the ground floor, and though she knew it shouldn't the sight of it made Buffy freeze.

"Giles, what are you doing?" she asked, heart jumping suddenly into her throat.

Giles looked at her, and glanced at the bag, and then back to her. "Oh! Not to worry; I'm merely taking a few days—only two or three, really. I won't be leaving until tomorrow night."

She let out a pent-up breath. "Oh. Right. So uhm...where are you leaving _to_?"

He shrugged a bit, but it didn't seem to be quite a painless process yet. "Well I uhm, I managed to make a friend or two, actually, during my stay in Los Angeles. It seemed time that I take the opportunity to visit them, that's all."

"Friends, huh?" She looked at him in mild amusement. "Besides us?

"Yes, well..." He cleared his throat. "You said you had a legitimate reason for being here?"

"Yes," Buffy nodded sagely. "SAT scores came in."

"Oh." Giles brightened. "How did you fare?"

She pulled the folded letter from her purse and handed it over. "You'd better be glad Mom let go of that long enough to let me bring it over here."

He took it eagerly and unfolded it to read, though it only took a few second for his eyebrows to go up. He glanced up at Buffy, who waited curiously, and then he looked down again to go over the rest in more detail. Finally he shook his head in wonder. "Buffy, this is—this is remarkable."

"That's pretty much what Mom said—using a much less British word."

Giles smirked a little and looked at the scores again before handing the paper back to her. "Here. I suspect she'll will want to...put it on the refrigerator, or some such thing."

"Yeah..." she trailed, sliding the paper back into her purse. "She saw these scores and her head spun around and exploded."

Giles paused. "I've-I've been on the Hellmouth too long...that _was_ metaphorical, yes?"

"Yes. She was happy."

He nodded to himself, thankfully seeming to know it had been a ridiculous question, but then again she couldn't blame him, what with being cooped up in here for the last fifteen days. "As am I. I appreciate your coming to show me; it really is quite wonderful." He smiled warmly. "I'm quite proud of you, Buffy, it means anything coming from me."

She smiled sheepishly. "Of course it does. And hey, you and Willow were the ones who spent those late nights helping me study. God, you should have _seen_ her this morning. She actually used the word 'ass.' As in I kicked it."

Giles chuckled, but he winced a little when he did it. She'd get on him for not being careful about his back here in a minute. "Well, Buffy, 1430...she's right," he said as he moved off to his bookshelves.

"Giles, everyone but Xander scored higher than me. _Cordelia _scored higher than me. Okay, not by much, but...anyway, I took the test because Snyder didn't give us a choice. To me it's just kinda nice to know I'm not completely education handicapped, but Mom started all this crazy talk about me going to college...maybe someplace else, even." She shrugged before he could protest, and sat on the edge of the desk and rested her feet in his desk chair. "I know, I know, I said that you were gonna have a goat. Responsibilities and all. I know the drill."

"She may be right."

"Yeah, I know, I figured you'd—"

Then she realized he hadn't protested, and she stared at him as he turned to face her, a book or two in hand.

"Ok. Be kind, rewind."

He came back to the desk and shooed her off it before he opened his bag to put the books in. "With scores like these, Buffy...you could have a first-rate education. I'm not suggesting that you _ignore_ your calling, but um...you need to look to your future." She knew he meant it, even though he couldn't look at her as he said it. Buffy couldn't help feeling the stab of pain she always felt when she really remembered that her Watcher didn't exactly _have_ a future.

Giles continued. "And with Faith here, i-it may be that you can...move on. For a time, at least," he clarified.

It wasn't as if the thought had never occurred to her before, but it was first time she'd ever given it any serious thought. "Wow."

He nodded and zipped his bag again. "Well, let's discuss this when I get back. In the meantime, I'd like you to continue training while I'm gone, as you have been the past week or two, and...I trust you won't do anything rash..."

Buffy looked at him strangely. "Anything rash meaning..."

He looked at her now. "Do you uhm, plan to continue seeing Angel?"

Oh. That. "Yes, actually," she said truthfully. "I do." He didn't seem entirely happy about that, but he didn't say anything. "Look, but there's not gonna be any rash. Rash...doing...anywhere. Nothing." She rolled her eyes at herself and huffed. "Ok. We're friends. That's _all_ either of us wants." Or that was all the _rational_ part of her wanted, anyway. "Trust me, okay?"

That seemed to make Giles feel a little better—for now, anyway—and he nodded slowly. "I do."

"Good." She glanced at his bag. "Just two or three days, right?" She kind of hated that part of her had to ask again, but though she trusted him, too, she was also terrified of losing him again. Maybe it was just that the recent serious injury had reminded her and the others all too well that being a vampire didn't make Giles invincible, but still...

"Yes. Just a few days," Giles confirmed.

"Are you sure you're up to it already?"

"I'll be fine, Buffy."

"And you'll be careful?"

"Perhaps we need nametags; you seem to be forgetting which of us is the Watcher and which is the watched."

She gave him a look, and he chuckled again. This time he didn't make any funny faces, and she supposed he was right. She didn't know because she wasn't him, but it seemed he was still sore, but all right otherwise. A week ago, the last time Giles had let Willow look at the burns to treat them, she'd reported that they were mostly healed over and beginning to disappear. So that made her feel better.

"I _told _you you'd released Mother-Hen Buffy. She's not quite back in her shell yet, okay?"

"So it would seem," he agreed. "At any rate, if you wouldn't mind letting the others know..."

"Sure."

"Thank you. I uhm...I'll call ahead, tomorrow if not tonight, to let them know I'll be coming for a day or two, and as soon as it's dark enough tomorrow I suppose I'll head for the city."

"Fine, but you have to promise to tell me just who _them _is as soon as you get back."

He looked at her for a moment, thinking. "Perhaps," he smiled.

Her eyebrows went up. "Oh my god. There's a woman, isn't there?"

"What?"

"There _is_. I _knew_ it," she teased.

"Buffy, please."

"Yeah yeah yeah...message received. Leaving now," she smirked, backing toward the door.

"Much appreciated," Giles said dryly.

Buffy answered brightly. "You're welcome."

* * *

"Something's gonna happen," Willow said, following Xander closely through the halls of Sunnydale High.

"Like what?"

"It's a mistake; a terrible, fatal mistake. I see that now," she said desperately.

"It's just bowling," he told her, referring to the double date they had planned with Oz and Cordelia for the next night.

"It's bad bowling," she insisted. "It's a double date, with all of us and-and they're gonna know!"

He shrugged. "How are they gonna know?"

She thought for a moment. "It's a very intimate situation. It's all sexy with the smoke and the sweating and the shoe rental..."

"You're turned on by rented shoes?"

Willow scowled. "That's not the issue."

Xander sighed and pulled her off to the side of the courtyard. "Ok, well let me ask you this. What are they gonna know? That we're friends—old, old friends, and maybe we've had one or two indiscretions, but that's all past. Look. We're just very good friends...who like to hang out...and can I kiss your earlobe?"

"No! Well, ok..." He started to lean in and she realized what she'd said. "No!" she gasped, and he backed off. "Pez!" she reminded him, holding up the gift of a green and orange Pez witch that Oz had given her that morning. "And...Giles. Oh god. Giles knows, remember? I mean he's all proper and British and considerate of other peoples' feelings and I know he'd never say anything but that doesn't give us the right to just...keep this up."

"Keep what up? We're not keeping anything. We're done. Or, not done. We're friends, and we've always been friends and it's staying that way. Right?"

"Right!" she agreed. "That's the plan and the plan is staying the plan, and if it were that simple that would be the end of it. But it's not."

"Why not?" Xander protested.

"Because...because..." He was already leaning in again, and it was apparent that he wanted to kiss her, and she _wanted_ him to kiss her.

But that was wrong.

Willow jerked back and Xander jerked back too, away from her, when he realized what he'd been doing. He winced. "Ok. Maybe bowling might be too much to handle. Man..." He reached up absently to stroke her hair. "I wish I wasn't so attracted to you," he sighed. "I wish we could make it all stop." He didn't seem sure if he meant that, and she wasn't sure whether she wanted him to.

She swallowed. "That's why it's not over...because we haven't stopped yet. We still...you know...a-and it can't be over until we figure out how to stop, or get over it. Or...I don't know. We just...we have to do the right thing here." She stared at her shoes for a moment. "And I can't help feeling like part of what we have to do to do the right thing is that we have to tell Oz and Cordelia. We have to apologize and promise that we'll never do it again. You know, once we're sure we'll never do anything again..."

"Tell them?" he echoed. "Are you crazy?"

"Well what if they find out somehow?" she shot back. "If they find out and we didn't tell them we'll lose them both and that's not what we want, right?"

Xander winced. "No..."

"See, then? I'm right."

He shifted uncomfortably on his feet. "Okay...maybe..."

"No, no maybe. Just yes. We _have_ to do what's right, don't we? I-I mean we don't want to let Giles down, or make him think bad of us or anything, cause...we're Scoobies...and the Scooby Gang is kinda like a family, and...he's kinda like the patriarch and...I don't know...and Oz and Cordelia! This isn't fair to them and they deserve to know."

"Even if we're stopping?"

She shrugged a little. "Yeah...I think so...I just...I think it's the only fair thing to do..."

Xander let out a heavy breath and looked away. "Then how the hell are we supposed to do that? We can't just walk up to them and say, 'Hey, by the way, we've been kissing and playing footsies behind your back for a few weeks, but we really didn't mean to, sorry, so please don't dump us.'"

"Actually I didn't really have a better plan than that..." she admitted.

"Will!"

"Okay, okay! We'll come up with a better plan than that..."

* * *

Giles called ahead to Los Angeles that morning, and other than a call from Joyce Summers and a discussion of the subject of Buffy's SAT scores, his day was uneventful until he could get on the road. It wasn't too incredibly late that night when he made it to the city, but it was later than he'd planned. That didn't stop him from wondering down the street from the motel to the coffee shop, hoping he wasn't too late.

It was Lily who had answered the phone at Erin's place that morning, and she'd given him a rundown of their schedule for the day. It was certainly busy. Rupert had spoken with them both on the phone every now and again, since leaving the city and he knew that Lily, apparently, had a second job now, and was insisting on helping Erin pay the bills at the apartment since she was still staying there.

It seemed that the two were close friends now, and he was glad that was the case.

From what Lily had told him earlier, she was working her other job tonight, and only Erin would be at the coffee shop. His watch told him that he was too late to catch her at work, but he thought he would try. If he didn't catch up to her now it would have to wait until tomorrow night. He didn't know her address.

Perhaps his luck was turning; Erin came around the corner from the back door as Giles paused outside the front of the shop to peer inside.

"Rupert," she smiled.

"Oh. Hello, Erin. I was afraid I wouldn't catch you here."

She shrugged and approached him. "Lily told me were planning to visit, but I was beginning to think something else had come up."

"No, I uhm...wasn't able to get off as early as I would have liked." That was the truth, really, anyway. He would have liked to have been able to leave in daylight.

"So...how was your trip?"

His back ached after driving for two hours, but that wasn't anything she need to know. "It was fine, thank you. It isn't that far, really."

"No, I don't suppose it is...but Sunnydale seems like a world away though, from here."

Rupert didn't have to think about that for very long before he had to nod. "It does," he admitted. Then he cleared his throat. "So you're headed home then?"

Erin nodded. "I am." She looked at him curiously. "Would you like to walk me home?"

"Of course." He didn't like the idea of her out here alone, anyhow. She smiled a bit and started out, and he followed beside her.

"I'm sure Lily will be there before long, too, and I know she wants to see you. She talked my ear off this morning after you called." She chuckled and shook her head. "You didn't know her long before you left, but you certainly made an impression."

"Well honestly I don't see how..."

"You helped her."

"I only did what any decent person should have."

"True," Erin agreed. "But in this world what any decent person _should _do is what very few actually will. With the life she's lived, Lily knows that."

Rupert didn't know what to say to that. He'd done what he had to do, what he should have done, and he didn't want any more credit for it.

Erin sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm embarrassing you. So...tell me what it is you do in Sunnydale. The few times we talked on the phone we usually end up talking much more about me than about you. I don't even know what sort of job you have."

"It's quite fascinating, really. I happen to be the librarian of Sunnydale High School."

Her eyebrows went up. "Why am I not surprised?"

It didn't take long, really, to reach the apartment building, and to his relief it was newer than the one he'd stayed in over the summer, and seemed a good bit safer. There was a buzzer system at the front door, and she needed a key to get into the building at all. The building Giles had been in hadn't even had _those_ moderate security measures.

Then he remembered that he'd never been here before. The hallway belonged to no one in particular, really—no one lived in it—but he knew he might have a problem once they made it to Erin and Lily's door. He realized he'd never had to worry about it before...the only other residence he had been inside since...it had been Buffy's house, and when she invited him and the others there for the dinner that had turned into a zombie raid, it had taken care of the invitation. That had been good in the end because he'd been late and all hell had already broken loose by the time he arrived and there would have been no one to invite him in if he'd needed that, but anyhow...

Giles swallowed to himself as Erin unlocked the door and stepped inside.

She didn't say anything. What now? He only took a small step closer and he could feel the invisible wall that repelled him. He hadn't wanted to think about this. He didn't know what on earth he was supposed to do. If Lily were here she would know to invite him in, but she wasn't here. He might have no choice but to give an excuse for tonight and return later, when the girl was here, or simply meet them at the shop...

He winced to himself, and was about to open his mouth to give that excuse, about why he had to go now, or something along those lines, but that was when Erin turned and looked at him strangely.

"Rupert?"

"Yes?"

"You can come in, you know. I hardly expect for you to wait for Lily in the hallway," she said in amusement.

He felt the wall disappear, and he chuckled uncomfortably and went in after her. "Yes, right."

Erin closed the door and set her purse down on the small table beside it, and she studied him for a moment. "You know, sometimes I think you're very strange—and not just because you're English."

Giles blinked. "Oh?"

She shrugged. "It doesn't matter. You've proven what kind of a man you are, and that's all I need to know." She started toward what seemed to be the kitchen, and called over her shoulder. "I don't have tea, but I can offer you some coffee."

"I suppose I'll make do," he answered. Once she was around the corner and out of sight he stood awkwardly where he was for a moment, and then decided it wouldn't hurt to wonder into the kitchen after her. There he discovered that the coffee was already prepared, and she was merely getting mugs from a cabinet over the sink.

She glanced back and saw him looking at the full, warm coffee pot in confusion. "The coffee pot has a timer. I set it so it's ready when I get home."

"Oh. I'm sorry, I haven't quite made it that far into the technological revolution, I'm afraid."

Erin poured a cup a handed it to him, and it had only been a minute or two more before they heard the front door of the apartment open.

"Erin?" a voice called.

"In here," she answered.

Giles started to open his mouth in protest of the fact that she hadn't mentioned his presence, but Erin smiled conspiratorially and held a finger to her lips. Seconds later Lily came around into the small kitchen, and nearly jumped when she saw him.

"Hey!" the girl grinned. Immediately she crossed to him and hugged him, and he couldn't help the grunt of discomfort. "Gently! Please..." She loosened her grip, and he was able to return the embrace. When she let go she looked at him in confusion. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I um...just sore. There was an accident...but nothing to worry about. It's nothing, really." They were both staring at him now. "I'm all right."

Lily shrugged a little and went for the coffee, which she began to supplement with copious amounts of sugar and milk, but the look she gave him at one point made it clear that he would be explaining later.

"So how is it going in Sunnydale?" she asked.

"Quite all right, at the moment. It's um...certainly as interesting as ever." With Erin standing there at the counter, of course, he couldn't say that there were just as many monsters as usual, but Lily seemed to know what he meant anyway.

"I bet."

Rupert stayed a while longer, catching up with them more than he'd been able to on the phone in the past few months. He told them about the library, and about his students—the Scoobies, though he didn't go into that part—and Lily told him what she planned to do with her life.

"I want to run a shelter for kids like me—like I was, anyway. I mean...things like what happened to...to Ricky, well...it's not so easy to prey on people like that if they have somewhere to go where someone cares about them. I'll be looking around for any chance to help out at any of the existing ones around here, but if I have to save enough money to find a place to open my own, I will. I don't care how long it takes."

It was an admirable goal, and when he told her so he couldn't help but notice that Erin was smiling like a proud mother.

When it was time to leave for the night, Lily offered to walk him out.

"So what was that about an accident? How can you even get hurt?" she wondered quietly aloud, once they were out in the hallway.

He winced. "I can be hurt just like you could; I simply heal faster. However, this particular incident would be difficult to explain. It's much easier to simply tell you that it was a burn, and isn't healing as well as a typical injury might."

Lily blinked at him for a moment before she understood. "Oh. Fire can kill a vampire, can't it?"

"Yes..." Giles trailed uncomfortably.

"Oh." She fell silent for a moment as they walked down the stairs, but when they hit the ground floor she looked at him thoughtfully. "Those kids you talked about, that hang out in your library a lot...that was the family you mentioned before, isn't it? _They're_ your family."

"Yes," he agreed. "All of them know...what's out there. Perhaps that's what brought us together at first, but...it's much more than that now." He had to look away a little. "I'm...very grateful for them." He glanced back briefly. "And for you and Erin, as well. I was...floundering, when I met her. She was kind, something consistent to look forward to, and then you, well...you know what happened. You helped me to realize that I had no reason to be running anymore. I thank you for that."

Lily shrugged sheepishly, and they stopped just inside the front door of the apartment building. "We'll both be at the shop tomorrow night. Will you be there?"

"I plan to be. Though I'm not certain how to explain to Erin why I won't be around during the day."

"Don't worry about it. I told her this is kind of a business trip for you, too—that you've got something to do in town, or whatever."

"Well, librarians do hold conventions..."

"There. See?"

* * *

Her mother wanted her to go off to college, Giles thought it might be a good idea, and even Angel had agreed when she was there earlier today. But Buffy didn't want to hear about how great of an idea it was. She knew, deep down somewhere, why she didn't want to listen to them, but she had to rationalize it all away because the reason she didn't want to listen...wasn't right. She didn't want to think about what her mother and Giles and her friends would say if they knew what her heart was thinking. It wasn't helping her stress level that she couldn't seem to change it, and maybe that was why she was going a little heavy on the jump-rope when Oz and Cordelia burst into the library that night.

"Thank god you _are _here," Cordelia said.

She stopped, not even really out of breath yet though she didn't know how long she'd been going. "Yeah. Not all of us have dates tonight."

"Something's up," Oz said.

They led her to the science lab, which was a mess of broken glass, overturned furniture, and scattered odd ingredients.

"We were supposed to meet in here. I don't know what could have happened," Cordy told her.

"What_ is_ all this stuff? I'm thinking weird science..." That ended badly, obviously.

"Was Willow messing with her magic tricks again? Maybe they disappeared. Maybe she turned Xander into something ishy...!"

Buffy swept her gaze over the lab. "Whatever happened, there was obviously a fight," she assessed quietly. Oh god, what now? Where were they?  
"I don't see any blood," Oz offered helpfully.

"Either they were taken, or they ran, or maybe—"

"You're having too many or's! Pick one!" Cordelia demanded.  
"I don't know. I'd tell you to get Giles, but he's in L.A. Even if we called him I doubt he'd get back here in time to be much help, and I don't have a number to use as it is. We're on our own here."

"Then what do we do! We have to find Xander!"

Buffy let out a breath. "We look for them, for starters. Maybe they didn't get too far, or maybe there's a lead out there somewhere. I'll go on my own, and you two take a vehicle. Motor. Now." Both of them rushed off to get moving, and Buffy ran back to the library for weapons. She'd just reached for the lock when the phone rang, and she sprinted to the counter, hoping against hope that it was Giles.

But it was her mother, wondering if they could schedule a 'college talk' for later that night. She admitted she'd over-reacted before and mentioned that she'd picked up some brochures from some nearby schools, but now was really not the time for any of this at all, and she needed to say so. She had to find Xander and Willow.

"That's great, but now's really not a—"

"_Hello, Joyce_."

The voice the background made her freeze.

Spike...

Buffy dropped the phone and ran. She didn't know how long it took her to get home, but she knew it was faster than she'd ever made the run. She slipped in quietly through the front door, and heard voices in the kitchen. Her mother, Spike...and Angel.

Well there were definitely no more secrets anymore...

She found her mother backing away from the back door of the house, where Angel stood caught against whatever force prevented vampires from entering homes uninvited. Spike was at Joyce's back, taunting Angel, and Buffy's mother didn't seem to have a problem with him being there. She'd have to get over the confusion of that one later.

"You touch her and I'll cut your head of," Angel was growling.

Spike straightened indignantly. "Yeah? You and what army?"

"That would be me." Buffy grabbed him from behind, spun him away from her mother and pinned him down to the kitchen island. "Angel, why don't you come on in?" Since that bit of information was now blown for her mother anyway...wow. This day just got better and better. She glowered down at Spike, a hand tight on his throat, and felt all the anger that had seeped into the background for the past few months rush up again. She'd thought she'd gotten rid of it—or some of it, anyway, but no...it was pretty much all there, ready to be channeled into killing the bastard that let her Watcher die.

Joyce was backing away. "Oh! Oh no..." It was easy to tell she was a little freaked out now, and Buffy was sorry that she didn't have time to do much about it at the moment, but there were more pressing matters at hand.

She shook her head incredulously. "You shouldn't have come back, Spike," she ground out angrily.

"I do what I please," he retorted.

Buffy squeezed harder, cutting off his air. He didn't need to breathe, but he needed the air to make his smart remarks. "Yeah, I kinda noticed that. Did letting Drusilla kill Giles 'please' you? Was it fun? Did you get a kick out of it when she turned him?"

His eyes widened a little, and she hoped it was at the intensity of her fury. It looked like he was trying to say something, and after debating for a moment she let up enough to let him say it.

"Hey, now wait a minute!" Spike gasped. "It wasn't my fault! I didn't know she—"

"Lair!" She closed off his air again, and when he bucked, trying to get up, Angel helped slam him back to the countertop. "Not that it matters. You're done for anyway," she said, snatching a wooden a spoon from the holder on the counter. She was about to plunge the end into his chest when he jerked.

"Willow!" he managed to get out.

Buffy froze, and her hand came off his neck. "You took Willow."

He smirked. "You do me now, you'll never find the little witch."

Joyce, who was against a cabinet by the wall, leaned forward in confusion. "Willow's a witch?"

"And Xander?" Buffy asked Spike.

"Him, too."

"Wait, Xander's a witch?" Joyce echoed.

Buffy wasn't paying attention to her mother's confusion, though again, not because she didn't care, but...anyway, she did notice that Angel was ready to get his hands on Spike, so she backed up enough to let him pull the other vampire up roughly by his jacket.

"Where are they?" Angel demanded.

Spike shoved himself free of both of them. "It's doesn't work like that, peaches. And when did you become all soul-having again? I thought you outgrew that." Then he looked at Buffy. "Your friend's going to work a little magic for me. She does my spell, I let them both go."

"You're not famous for keeping your promises, Spike," she spat back.

He shrugged. "Well, you and your great poof here want to tag along, that's fine. But you get in my way...and _you_ kill your friends." He smirked again and walked out, and she and Angel had no choice but to simply follow.

Joyce started after them. "B-Buffy, I—"

She glanced back. "I'm sorry, Mom..." she said quietly. "I guess this means we'll be talking when I get back."

"Just _come_ back..."

"I'll be fine. Spike's the one who won't be." She stormed after Spike and Angel, leaving her mother behind and hoping that hadn't been the last straw to break the camel's back when it came their sometimes tenuous mother-daughter relationship.

"What the hell is this about, anyway?" she questioned as soon as she caught up, out on the sidewalk. "Why do you need Willow to do a spell?"

"Dru dropped me for a chaos demon, and I aim to get her back," he said shortly.

Buffy stopped. "This is about _her_? Oh my god, Spike; you're insane if you think I'm helping you with Drusilla."

He stopped too, and spun. "Look, I'm so _sorry_ your precious Watcher is gone. Boo-hoo. Do you want to lose your friends next?"

"Giles isn't gone. That's not the issue here."

"Oh really. Couldn't dust the old man any more than you could this one then?" he smirked, motioning to Angel. "I'd love to know what you _did _do."

"What's happened here since you ran off like a _coward_ is none of your business. Angel is fine and Giles is fine. They both have their souls, and they're fine, and that's all you need to know. The _point_ is that you let anything happen to Giles in the first place."

"Hey, I _told_ you it wasn't my fault. I walk out for all of a minute thinkin' Dru's followin' me, and the next thing I know I go looking for her and she's already done it. Hell, if you've got to blame _someone_, blame your own bloody self. She said she was doing it as a little present for you, anyway—in case everything didn't go quite right with the world ending and all."

Buffy stepped menacingly into his space, still holding the handle of the wooden spoon she'd taken from the kitchen. "Shut the hell up..."

"Buffy!" Angel grabbed her arm and pulled her aside. "We still need him to find the others."

"_Need_ him? He's probably just got them locked up in the factory."

Spike snorted and started walking again. "Well, hey, how thick do you think I am?"

That seemed to pretty much confirm her theory, but she knew they couldn't take the chance. She wanted Spike dead more than she'd wanted anything in a quite a while, but they had to see this through and find Willow and Xander.

"Fine," she growled, and followed again. "Can we just get this over with?"

Spike informed them that they needed supplies, and they made their way quickly to the magic shop—which was roped off by police tape. "Your work?" Buffy said disdainfully as she pulled it down. Spike handed her a list, in Willow's handwriting, which helped give her a _bit_ of peace of mind, anyway, as the three of them split up the contents and moved to search the shelves for their assignments.

"Spike can get the rats' eyes," Buffy determined easily.

"I used to bring her rats," Spike reminisced. "With the morning paper."

"Great, more moping. That's gonna get her back," Buffy complained, pulling a jar from a shelf.

"The spell's going to get her back," Spike retorted.

Angel shrugged from where he stood searching a shelf across the shop. "Lot of trouble for somebody who doesn't even care about you."

Buffy's eyebrows went up, and she looked back at Spike as he stared at Angel.

"Shut your gob!"

"She really is just kind of fickle," Angel continued. Tensions were high and Buffy wondered if it was a good idea to antagonize Spike—because it was obvious that was what Angel was doing—but she couldn't bring herself to care. She was too angry.

"Shut up!" Spike cried. He ran up behind Angel, spun him around, and got one weak punch off before Angel grabbed his arm and stopped him from doing anything else. Spike might have started a more potent fight if he weren't in the beginnings of what appeared to be a hangover, but anyway...

"What do you know!" he shouted at them once he'd stumbled back and steadied himself again. "It's your fault, the both of you! She belongs with me..." He trailed off...and oh god, was he about to cry? This was getting more and more ridiculous by the minute. "I'm nothing without her..."

"Yeah, that I'll have to agree with," Buffy snorted, hands on her hips now. "You're pathetic, you know that? You're not even a loser anymore; you're a shell of a loser."

Spike glared and straightened. "Yeah. You're one to talk."

Now she crossed her arms, out of patience. "Meaning?"

He shrugged. "The last time I looked in on you two, you were fighting to the death. Now you're back making googly-eyes at each other like nothing happened. Makes me want to heave."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh yeah. You're just friends."

"That's right," Angel said firmly.

Spike rolled his eyes, looked away for a moment, and then glared at them again. "You're _not_ friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love 'till it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other until it make you quiver but you'll never be friends." It was disturbing, seeing that much raw emotion coming from a soulless vampire, but...

God. No. She couldn't really be listening to him, could she? He was wrong. He had to be wrong. She and Angel were friends, and that was all, and that _had _to be all. They had to be able to do it that way, or...

"Love isn't brains, children," Spike continued, pointing to his head first, and then slapping the same hand to his chest. "It's blood—blood screaming inside you to work its will." He shrugged again. "I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it."

Buffy tried to look at Angel, and she could tell he was trying to look at her, but neither of them could do it.

His monologue over, Spike turned to the shelf behind him and picked up a jar. "Ah. Eye of rat."

* * *

The de-lusting spell was supposed to fix everything. It was supposed to get rid of the unwanted attraction between her and Xander, and give them something solid to tell Oz and Cordy—something to make them feel better...to let them know that nothing would ever happen again.

Instead, it got them kidnapped by Spike and put their lives in incredible danger.

When Spike went to get the supplies for the spell that she wasn't sure she could do, Willow tried to get the door open, but it was useless. She came back down the stairs when she heard Xander moan, and hurried back to the bed he was spread out on. His head wasn't bleeding anymore, so that was good, and so was his being awake, but the matted blood on the side of his face that spread out from his temple didn't look so great.

"Xander? Are you okay?" She sat on the edge of the bed beside him and rested a hand on his shoulder.

He leaned up a little, wincing. "Dizzy. Kind of nauseous, too." He paused. "Do I remember having a fight with Spike?"

She nodded. "You do."

He reached up to the side of his head, and saw the blood that came off on his fingers. "I won, right? Kicked his ass?"

"You were real brave," she said, trying to smile. The she frowned a little as he swayed. "Do you need to barf?"

"No, I'll be ok..." He trailed off and looked around, confused. "Where are we?"

"The factory. We're locked in the basement."

"That burnt-out place in the middle of nowhere?" Willow nodded once. "So we're pretty much in a 'scream all you want' scenario."

"Pretty much," she sighed.

"Why didn't he just kill us?" Xander questioned.

"He wants me to do a love spell."

"Wha..?"

"Drusilla broke up with him."

His expression hardened at that. "She's the one who killed Giles."

"Yeah. I know. And Spike's probably the one that let her, but I was kind of...too scared to yell at him about that earlier...He's out of control. I mean, not that he was Joe Restraint in the old days."

Xander grimaced again and pushed up on his elbows a little higher. "So what are our options?"

"Well, I figure either I refuse to do the spell and he kills us...or I do the spell...and he kills us."

"Give me a third option."

"He's so drunk he forgets about us and we starve to death. That's sort of the best one."

He reach up and took her arm. "Willow, we're not gonna die." He started to really get up, though she didn't think that was really going to work, and she stayed beside him to make sure he didn't topple over and hurt himself any further. "If he's so drunk, he'll get sloppy, and then I'll make my move—" He cut off and dropped back to the bed, dizzy, and she fell with him because she'd been holding on.

Xander made another face. "As long as my move doesn't involve standing up or using my limbs we'll be okay." And then she realized their faces were so close, it would be so easy to...

"We're not supposed to," she said as he started to move in to kiss her.

"Exemption for impending death situation?" he asked quietly.

Willow swallowed hard. "But...Buffy. She could save us, and then...so..."

"What if she doesn't?"

"But...Giles. Right thing..."

Xander looked at her for a moment more, and slowly she sat up again, bringing their faces farther apart. He let out a breath. "Yeah...right thing. What happened to the days when being a Scooby was fun? Now it's all peril and abductions."

"It's always been peril and abductions."

"Okay, good point." He sat up the rest of the way and braced himself against the headboard. "God...ow. What, Giles is a vampire now so _I _had to inherit his penchant for head injuries?"

"Xander!"

Willow twisted at the voice and saw, of all people, Oz and Cordelia running down the steps toward them. The door at the top was open now.

"Oh my god, what happened to your head?" Cordelia continued, dropping onto the edge of the bed beside him and wrapping her arms around him tightly. She pulled back and looked at him. "We were afraid you were dead or something! Or that Willow had turned you both into flies or whatever, but anyway...you're okay, right?"

"After another hospital visit that's sure to thrill my parents, yeah...I'll be fine."

Oz drew up to them next, and Willow stood to hug him. "Thank god, you found us..."

"Yeah. Interesting story, really."

"Try disturbing," Cordelia shot back.

Oz shrugged as he pulled back. "We'll fill you in. For now we should get out of here."

Willow and Xander exchanged a meaningful look. "Yeah," they said together.

Oz helped Cordelia get Xander up, and Willow hurried up the stairway, calling over her shoulder that she would get the door. She got there and held it open, and the others came up behind her.

Until the stone steps disintegrated under their feet.

* * *

Buffy was just hoping that the whole thing would be over soon when, just her luck, they were surrounded by a vampire named Lenny and a pack of Spike's old flunkies as they left the magic shop. The disgruntled former minions were quick to start a fight, and the only way to be sure they would find Willow and Xander was to keep Spike alive—for now. So she and Angel had no choice but to help him.

After fighting for a minute or two in the dead nighttime street of Sunnydale, the three of them were driven back into the magic shop. They barricaded the door and front window with a heavy shelf, but Buffy knew that wouldn't last long. She, Angel, and Spike were left standing at the ready in the middle of the shop, waiting for the inevitable.

"This should be a kick," Spike commented.

Buffy shot him a heavy glare. "I violently dislike you."

Then one of the other vamps got the back door open, a few came in that way, and there was no more time for talking.

_Spike is dead. As soon as he leads us to Willow and Xander, he's dead. _

She'd heard his excuses—that what happened to Giles wasn't his fault, but she didn't care. He knew Drusilla was unstable. He should have kept a closer eye on her. He could have done more. But he hadn't, and Giles nearly lost everything.

If she couldn't get to Drusilla, Spike was going to pay for it.

Angel tried to hold the back door closed against the rest of their current enemies, but at some point it crashed down anyway and he ended up trapped beneath it, weakened by the wood, maybe? Or the fall? Buffy didn't know, and she had to flip a vampire out of her way before she could get to him. She shoved the broken door away and started to help him up.

"I'm all right," he insisted.

"You're not up to your full strength yet," she corrected.

Angel was looking toward the front of the shop. "That window's about to go." She stood up more quickly, still holding onto him to make sure he didn't fall over again, and then they saw the bottles of holy water on the shelf beside them. "Buffy..." he smiled.

That would work.

Spike, meanwhile, had just taken out Lenny. She wasn't sure what had happened over there, but it seemed Spike was a little less drunk and a lot more back to his old self already. He certainly seemed much happier, and she didn't really like that at all.

But he still had her friends.

"Spike, get down!" she called.

Spike got down, the shelf holding the window came down, and the rest of Lenny's friends came through, but Buffy and Angel bombed them with the bottles of holy water and they retreated just as quickly as they'd come.

Then it was over.

Spike jumped to his feet again. "Now_ that _was fun." Buffy stared at him incredulously, and she was relatively sure Angel was doing the same. "Oh, don't _tell_ me that wasn't fun," he continued, and laughed happily. "Oh _god_, it's been so long since I had a decent spot of violence." He thought for a moment. "Really puts things in perspective."

Beside her Angel doubled over again, and Buffy caught him quickly and held him up.

"Oh yeah. You two. Just friends. No danger there."

Buffy glared up at him. "Can we just do the damn spell now? I'd like to have my friends safe and sound so I can go back to just wanting you _dead_."

Spike shrugged. "Oh, sod the spell. Your friends are at the factory." He grinned again, not seeming to understand that she was about to kill him. "I'm really glad I came here, you know?" he said happily. "I've been all wrong-headed about this: weeping, crawling, blaming everybody else. I want Dru back, I just gotta be the man I was—the man she loved. I'm gonna do what I should have done in the first place. I'll find her, wherever she is, tie her up, torture her...until she like me again."

With that he nodded assertively to himself and headed for the back door. He paused in the open space and glanced back at them, smirking a little. "Love's a funny thing."

Then he was gone.

She would have gone after him. Her jaw was clenched and she knew she hated him and she _wanted_ to go after him for all she was worth...but...Angel wasn't in good shape at the moment, and more than likely he would need some help getting back to the mansion...and that was enough to stop her from leaving him and bolting after Spike right then. It was irrational, and she knew it.

And Buffy couldn't lie to herself about whether or not she knew the reason _why_ she was willing to be so irrational when Angel was in the equation.

She _knew_ the reason.

She was still in love with him.

But that wasn't an option anymore.

* * *

Willow screamed and jumped forward to catch whatever she could catch. Oz and Cordelia had jumped forward, and Cordelia almost fell through, but Willow caught her arm and kept her balanced, and she and Oz keeping hold of Xander was the only thing that kept _him_ from going all the way through. As it was he was left dangling.

"Don't let go!" he shouted.

Willow pulled Cordelia and Cordelia helped Oz pull Xander, and Cordy called down to him. "_You_ should go on a diet! God!" she grunted.

It took a good deal of pulling, but they had him back up and the four of them collapsed on what was left of the top of the steps, and stared down at the hole. Willow's heart was pounding in her ears.

Oz spoke up first. "Uh, maybe we should..."

They all muttered quick agreement and scrambled up and out into the factory.

"Oh my god!" Cordelia gasped once they were relatively safe. "We almost died! _You_ almost died!" she exclaimed, holding Xander tightly.

He grimaced from the squeezing, but he didn't complain. "I...uh..."

Willow swallowed as Oz wrapped his arms around her. "Thank god we found you..." he said quietly. She glanced anxiously at Xander, but Cordelia already had him in a lip lock that he wasn't fighting. When they came up for air, though, he glanced over her shoulder and Willow caught his gaze.

This whole coupley reunion thing was not helping the guilt factor, and she could see that Xander felt the same. The whole almost-being-killed-by-Spike deal hadn't helped things, or so she thought, but now Oz had his arms around her and she knew.

Xander was her best friend and she would always love him, but not that way. Not the way they thought they'd wanted for the past few weeks.

She loved Oz that way.

Willow pulled away suddenly, backing away from all of them.

"Will?" Oz asked.

She cast a desperate look at Xander, and he seemed to understand.

"I'm sorry!" she said suddenly, because she couldn't hold it in anymore.

"_We're_ sorry," Xander corrected quietly.

Oz and Cordelia looked at them strangely. "What do you mean?" Cordy asked.

Willow looked at Xander again, and he nodded just a little, miserably, and she assumed it was because he didn't know how to explain.

So she tried her best.

"W-we...we kissed. Me and Xander. Just once! Or...okay, twice, and there were the footsies under the lab table but we really didn't mean to it-it just happened but we stopped. Honest. No more. But...we had to tell you because it would have been wrong not to and I felt so horrible about it all the time and I mean I'm sure Xander does to and—"

Cordelia abruptly pulled away from Xander. "_What_?"

"Cordy, it's ok. It..it didn't mean anything. I mean...I guess it did, but it didn't mean I don't want to be with you—"

"And I want to be with _you_, Oz. Really," Willow tried to explain. "It's just we've known each other forever but we never saw each other that way and then we kinda did but we stopped. Or we're stopping now. Please don't hate us."

"We never meant to hurt anybody," Xander added quickly, pleading.

But Cordelia was already staring at him wide-eyed. "Oh my god. Oh my god..."

"Cordy—" He reached out to her, but she pulled away again.

"Shut the hell up, Xander!" Was she crying? She ran for the door of the factory and disappeared. Xander, more stable on his feet now, ran after her, presumably in the direction of Oz's van. That seemed to be confirmed when Oz himself headed the same direction without a word.

Willow took a quick step after him. "Oz?"

He only paused for a moment, and he didn't look at her. "We need to get out of here before Spike comes back." Then he walked away, and Willow had no choice but to silently follow.

* * *

Giles made it to the coffee shop as early in the evening as he could, and ordered his usual cup of hot tea. Both Erin and Lily were on duty when he got there, but part of the point of taking this trip had been to relax for a bit before going back to work, and to be able to do it anywhere but cooped up in his apartment. He didn't mind the sitting. He had a book, and a television had been put on a stand in the corner since he'd left at the end of the summer.

Lily spent her break at his table, and Erin's shift ended before Lily's an hour or so later, but she wanted to wait for her young charge to get off before they headed home. Giles and Erin found themselves out on the sidewalk by the shop in the early winter air. What cold there was didn't bother Rupert, of course, but he could tell there was a snap to it. Though Erin didn't seem to mind it, either.

"It's nice out here tonight," she commented. "Finally, we're getting a little less rain. Not that I hate rain...actually I think it's soothing...but I wish it would _snow._"

"You want it to snow?"

"I grew up in Michigan. I miss the snow," she shrugged.

Giles smiled a bit. "What brought you here from there?"

"Well you grew up in England, didn't you? What brought you here from_ there_?" she countered.

He winced a little. "That answer would be a bit complicated."

Erin smiled in understanding. "Mine too."

They fell silent for a few moments, but it wasn't uncomfortable, and Rupert glanced in through the window if the shop at Lily, who was smiling kindly at a customer as she brought them their order.

"She's changed so much in such a short time."

"I know...I wish I'd had more to do with it, but it was all her. She knows what she wants and she's going for it. When she came to stay with me she didn't even know she could take care of herself if she wanted to...she was afraid to try, and now..." Erin shrugged. "Well now she's doing a fine job of it. She doesn't really _need_ to stay with me anymore, but I don't know if I could let her go if she wanted to leave."

He smiled. "You seem quite fond of her."

She looked away sheepishly. "I always wanted children. If I'm not going to, then...well, Lily's a great kid. Young woman. If she's the closest I'll ever have, I'm not complaining. I'm happy I've been able to help her."

It was a perspective Giles understood.

Without warning Erin started walking, and he followed her in concern. "Erin?"

He was behind her so he couldn't tell for sure, but he thought he saw her swipe at her face before she stopped again. They were behind the shop now. "I'm sorry," she sighed without turning around. "I don't know what got into me. I guess I'm not used to...I don't really talk to people." Now she did turn, but she wasn't quite looking at him. "I have to be friendly, working in there, and I don't have a problem with that. But really I've been perfectly happy on my own for...ever. I offered to take Lily in because it was the right thing to do. I didn't realize I was lonely until she came."

Much of that, too, he could understand.

"I was much the same," he admitted. "I hadn't really made a new friend since I was twenty-one, until I moved to Sunnydale. It's...been an experience."

"So was your stay here, I hope," she smiled.

"True..." If he'd ended up somewhere else rather than here, when he ran, he wondered if he ever would have gone back.

But it was almost easy to forget—standing out here in the Los Angeles air, having a normal conversation with a woman who didn't know what he was—that things were different for him now. It was almost easy to forget why he'd come here in the first place, six months or more ago. It was just easy enough that for a moment he felt normal again.

It was just easy enough that Giles let his guard down, before he realized it. Erin was smiling at him and he couldn't help but smile back, and maybe a vampire's memory was supposed to be sharper than that of a human, but apparently even for vampires that was subject to be affected by emotions.

Later he would remember that it was wonderful for the moment it lasted, but he wouldn't remember why he let himself kiss her.


	22. Chapter 22

Hey ya'll. :) I'm back! Sorry this chapter is a little short, but it IS something of a transition chapter, and I WAS gone for four days, and I wanted to get a chapter out for ya'll, so...yeah. There's this. I do hope ya'll enjoy it though! :) Please do review if ya'll are still around, and be looking out for updates on my other ongoing Buffy story as well. :) Thanks so much! Have a great week!

Chapter 22

It happened too fast.

One moment he was kissing Erin and the next Rupert was yanked backwards and she was pulled away from him in the other direction—into the waiting arms of a vampire that immediately went for her neck.

"No!" Giles shouted. In one movement he pulled a stake from inside his jacket and dusted the vamp behind him that had pulled him away, and the vampire that had Erin froze. There was one more behind it that was staring now as well, and their shock lasted just long enough to pull her away from them. "Get out of here!" he said quickly, giving her a shove in the other direction—back toward the open street and the coffee shop entrance around the corner. Safety.

Then the other two vampires who had just lost a comrade attacked him.

"Rupert!" he heard Erin scream.

"Go!" He couldn't see her, but she said nothing else and he hoped she'd gone. He was going to have some explaining to do, since she'd seen the vampires and seen one of them turn to ashes...but that was better than having to explain the fact that he _was_ one. Still, he tried to keep his face under control, but when he thought about what could have happened to her...

He'd lost Jenny. He could have lost Erin, too.

Not that she was his. God...what did he think he was doing, kissing her? What had he done? It would only make things worse in the end...because he couldn't be with her. He couldn't be with anyone. He hadn't come _near_ letting her in as close as he'd been to Jenny...and already she was in danger.

Giles staked the third vamp quickly, but the one that had grabbed Erin...he drew that out maybe more than he should have. When the dust settled at his feet he stood for a moment, putting his stake away and regathering his wits.

When he looked up, Erin was still standing at the corner.

And he knew he didn't look human anymore.

Rupert tried to shift back quickly, but he was too angry. He couldn't do it. He would have looked away or turned, but he couldn't insult her intelligence like that. She'd seen, and they both knew it. She was staring right at him.

Unless by some miracle she could understand, it was all over.

Whatever 'it' had or hadn't been.

"Erin..." he swallowed. "It's...it's all right. I'm not—"

She wasn't really listening. That was when she screamed, spun on her heel, and ran—the wrong way, away from the coffee shop entirely.

"Erin, wait! I won't hurt you! It's all right!" He started to run after her, but stopped short, knowing that wouldn't help. Beside him the back door of the shop banged open against the brick wall and Lily skidded out into the alley.

"What happened! I heard screaming!"

"We were attacked," he said, motioning absently to the ashes on the ground. "But I—she—" Giles glanced at her to make the point, and she saw his face and her eyebrows went up. "I couldn't help it..." he trailed. The last of the anger gave way to despair, and his features shifted back to their human form as he stared at the ground.

He heard Lily swallow. "Where is she?"

He looked up toward the end of the alley, and the corner Erin had disappeared around just a few seconds ago. "She ran—toward your place, I assume. Can you find her? I don't want to...to frighten her; I'll follow far enough back that she won't know I'm there, but I'll make sure the two of you are safe..."

Lily nodded quickly and pulled her apron off. She stuck her head back in through the back door of the shop, tossed it somewhere, and yelled something at someone inside. "Let's go," she said. She took off down the alley and Rupert followed more slowly, his heart sinking into his shoes.

* * *

Angel wanted to come with her to get Willow and Xander from the factory, but Buffy insisted on taking him back to the mansion. Then she hurried to the factory, but there was no one there. The stairs down to the basement had crumbled, and she nearly panicked when she saw the hole, but no one was down there. If Spike had killed them he would have left them in the open, for her to find. That thought was all that kept her from losing her mind as she found the nearest pay phone and called her mother to let her know that she was all right and Spike was gone, but she still needed to find her friends.

"_Honey, Willow is here. She's waiting for you. Your friends dropped her off a few minutes ago_."

"What? Is she okay? Where's Xander?"

"_She's fine. She said they had to bring Xander to the hospital and they're keeping him overnight...something about another head injury, but he'll be fine. Buffy, I really don't like this_..."

She let out a breath, and her stomach turned over at the fact that Xander was hurt again. "I know, Mom. Me either. Look, I'll be right there, okay?" She hung up and got home, perhaps not as quickly as she had earlier that night, but quickly enough. Joyce Summers was waiting just inside the door, and snatched her daughter into her arms before she could even close the door behind her.

"Mom! Wow, hey, it's okay. I'm fine."

"Why you?" her mother sighed, pulling back to look at her but not letting go. "Why do _you_ have to be the Slayer? Why _can't_ you just let Faith take over?"

"Because I just...can't, Mom. I was called. I have to slay." They both fell silent for a moment. "So are you gonna yell at me about the oops-Angel's-alive thing?"

Joyce let go and crossed her arms. "I should."

"Yeah, kinda figured..."

"But I won't. Buffy, I may not like that you still keep things from me, but I guess I've learned that if you do it, you have a good reason. For example, Angel is a vampire too, isn't he? I'm not really sure when I figured that out, but you had to invite him in. That pretty much proved it."

Buffy winced. "Yeah. He's a vampire too."

"Wait, what do you mean 'alive?'"

She blinked, and then realized that her mother didn't know what else had happened that fateful night in May. "Huh? Oh...yeah he was...kind of...dead...I mean obviously he's _dead_, but he was...you know, dead dead. Gone. Now he's back. It's a long confusing story; you really don't want to know."

"But last year you said he was bothering you—that he started out as a nice boy and then..." Joyce trailed off, and Buffy knew it was because her mother didn't want to talk about the fact that she knew her little girl had, well, done it already.

"It's okay. He's not like that anymore. Last year something happened and...he lost his soul. He was like Giles is now, and then he wasn't. Without his soul it was just the demon. It wasn't him. He's himself again now; he was fine when he...came back."

Joyce frowned in confusion. "Why did he come back?"

"We don't know..."

"Oh."

"But he's fine, Mom, really. We can trust him."

Joyce still didn't look happy, but she sighed. "I trust _you_. I'm not sure about this Angel yet. And Spike is gone?"

"He left. He won't be bothering us anymore—not for a while, anyway. Where's Willow?"

"She's upstairs, in your room. I don't think she was feeling well."

"Thanks." _That went much better than I expected. _She gave her mother a smile and bounded up the stairs, wondering what was wrong with her friend. Buffy found Willow on her bed, sitting back against the pillows at the head with her arms curled around her folded legs. "Will, thank god..." She went to her and knelt on the edge of the bed and hugged her.

When she did that Willow started to cry into her shoulder.

"Willow?" Buffy slid off her knees and sat on the bed instead, holding her friend. "What is it?"

* * *

Giles looked up at the knock on the motel room door. For a moment he considered not moving, but in the end he dragged himself to his feet from the room's desk chair and answered the door. He had to pull it open and wait behind it for Lily to come in and close it behind her without stepping into the early morning light from outside, but he answered it. He waited a moment more after she came in, hoping for a second visitor, but no one else followed her. He swallowed and closed the door, and Lily turned around in surprise.

"Oh! Hi. There you are. I wasn't sure if you'd be able to let me in." She sighed. "Anyway..."

Rupert shrugged and rubbed at his neck as he reclaimed his seat, slowly. His back was aching after the fight the night before. He offered Lily a seat and she sat down across from him, on the edge of the bed.

"What happened to you last night?" she asked. "I think you were still behind us somewhere when I made it to the apartment, but when I went to look for you later I couldn't find you."

He shook his head. "I made sure that was really where she'd gone and that you'd gotten there safely, and I...left. I came back here. I didn't see that there was anything else I could do."

"Oh..."

Giles glanced back toward the closed door. "Is she all right?"

Lily shrugged and stared at her folded hands in her lap. "I don't know. I mean, she said she was...but I didn't see her. She'd locked herself in her room, and she still hasn't come out. Maybe if we just give her some time."

He grimaced. "It seems that is something I will have an abundance of. However, not now. I can't stay here. I have...obligations, in Sunnydale. I need to get back."

"But maybe if you wait, she'd talk to you—"

"No. It's all right. I made a mistake; I shouldn't have come back here. I let myself—" He cut off before he could say too much, and Lily looked sadly at him for a long moment.

"I'm so sorry. I tried..."

"Thank you. I know you did, whatever you did."

"I could try again. Or _you_ could try. Won't you at least stay until tonight? You could try to talk to her."

"No," he said quietly. "I shouldn't." He shrugged, and flinched because it hurt, and swallowed before he spoke again. "It's probably for the better. I...you know what I am. I...we...couldn't...work. I know that. I always knew that. I have to go back anyway, and leaving now will be better for the both of us than trying to stay any longer. My doing it wouldn't solve anything."

"But don't you want to make things right before you just up and leave?" Lily protested.

Rupert looked away, blinking back tears he hadn't meant to allow. "I wish I could, but I don't see how. Nothing can make this right. Nothing is going to change what I am, or that I hid it from her. Maybe she'll speak to me again, and maybe she won't. Perhaps we could be friends, at some point in the future, but...I believe it would be better if we weren't."

She just stared at him. "How can you say that?"

"Because I want her to be safe," he answered immediately.

"But you're strong. Can't you _keep_ us safe? I-I mean _her_ safe..."

Giles blinked, and looked at her for a moment. "Lily..."

"What?" She sat with her shoulders hunched now, not looking at him, and it took a moment, but slowly he realized what she'd wanted.

"I'm sorry, Lily," he said quietly.

She looked up then, and met his eyes, and quickly swallowed again and looked away. She laughed uncomfortably. "No, it's okay...I mean, it was just a dream, you know? I'm too old for that dream anyway...the kind of home and parents and family I should have had when I was little. I'm...an adult now, really. I should be making my own way, and I am. I just...I wished..." She swiped at her eyes and shrugged once more. "That's why I want to run a shelter—and not just one more inner-city place that may or may not have a single person on staff who really cares. I want my place to be different."

Rupert smiled a bit. "I believe you can do it."

"Thanks..." she smiled weakly. She glanced toward the door now. "So you're sure you won't stay until tonight?"

"I have no choice but to stay until tonight. As soon as it's dark, though, I'll be on my way."

Lily nodded slowly. "Is...there anything you want me tell Erin?" she asked quietly.

He started to shake his head, but he paused. "Just that I'm sorry," he answered after a moment.

* * *

Willow told Buffy everything than had happened at the factory, after she'd filled her in on what had been happening between her and Xander since Homecoming. She stayed the night, and Joyce drove them both to school the next morning. After classes they went to check on Xander, who was at home and fine but using the second hospital stay in a month as an excuse not to be in school.

The girls went their separate ways from Xander's house, and when Buffy made it home there was a voicemail from Giles. He was coming home that night. She called to let the others know he'd be back and then spent the afternoon in her room, curled on her bed where Willow had been the night before and going over Spike's lectures over and over again in her head.

She hated that she had to pay any heed to _anything_ Spike had to say, but...there was no way around the conclusion she'd come to. So when it was dark she got up and got dressed, and she went to the mansion. She stopped just outside, not sure she cold do what she was about to do, but she knew she didn't have a choice.

So she went in.

She found Angel sitting out in the courtyard, where she'd found him more than once, but this time he wasn't training. He was just sitting, looking up at the moon, and he turned when he heard her and stood, smiling a some.

"Hey. I was wondering when you were coming."

Buffy stood frozen for a moment, just outside the hole in the boarded-up broken glass door that she'd just stepped through to get out here. "I'm not coming back," she managed finally. The smile on Angel's face slowly faded, and she had to go on before she lost her nerve.

"We're not friends. We never were. And I can fool Giles, and I can fool my friends...but I can't fool myself—or Spike, for some reason." She swallowed hard. "What I want from you I can never have. You don't need me to take care of you anymore...so I'm gonna go."

Angel was focusing so hard he was almost glaring at her. "I don't accept that."

"You have to."

It was the right thing to do. So why did it hurt so much?

"Look..." Angel took a step forward and she took a step back, afraid of what she'd do if he came any closer. He stopped too, hurt. "There's gotta be some way we can still see each other," he said, almost pleading.

"There is," she said softly. He looked at her expectantly, but she knew her answer wouldn't be what he wanted to hear. "Tell me that you don't love me."

He just looked at her, because he couldn't do what she asked and her heart would have broken if he had. Buffy stood where she was for a moment, until she could move, and then she left. She turned, stepped back through the patch job on the broken doors, and walked away without looking back.

If she'd looked back she wouldn't have kept going.

* * *

When Giles got home that night Buffy was sitting on his doorstep. He didn't see her, really, until she got up and hugged him, burying her face in his chest. This time last year such a thing would have been incredibly awkward, but now...especially now...he didn't think twice before he dropped his bag to return the embrace. His back still twinged, but it was easy enough to ignore and he did just that.

Buffy let go and stepped back after a moment, and smiled apologetically. "Sorry to pretty much attack you...I just kinda needed that."

"It's all right."

She studied him for a moment, frowning, and he wondered what she saw. He got his answer when her face fell and she winced. "Oh...god, Giles; you haven't had any better a couple of days than the rest of us have, have you?"

Rupert opened his mouth, but he didn't know how to answer that. So he shook his head, because he wasn't going to lie.

"Why didn't you say something on the phone? I mean I know it was just a message and now that I think about it I could tell something was off, but..."

"It doesn't make any difference."

"Sure it does. If I'd known you were just as miserable as the rest of us I wouldn't have been sitting here waiting to bother you. I was looking for someone to talk to, I guess, but I can settle for commiserating... unless you want me to just go..."

Giles shook his head. "No, you needn't go. I suppose I could use the company."

"You sure?"

"Of course."

She seemed to deflate with relief. "Okay. Good. Yeah."

He picked up his bag, and Buffy moved to let him unlock his door and followed him inside. Rupert started to head upstairs to leave his bag there, but when Buffy went to his couch and curled up on one end he decided that maybe he shouldn't take the time to do that just now. He set it down at the foot of the stairs and went to take the other end of the couch.

"What is it?" he asked.  
She made a face. "Why do _I _have to go first?"

"You_ are_ the one who intruded on my doorstep," he said, trying to help the mood by sounding amused and falling terribly short.

Buffy shrugged and looked away. "An hour ago I permanently broke up with my not-boyfriend. Your turn."

It didn't take long to understand who she was talking about. "Angel."

"Bingo..."

"What happened?"

"You wouldn't believe the night any of us had last night, but long story short is...I realized couldn't go on like we were. We both wanted what we couldn't have." She blinked a few times. "So tonight I told him we couldn't see each other anymore."

Giles felt his heart lurch—not because this had anything to do with Angel, but because he knew Buffy had to be hurting.

"Don't tell me you're sorry," Buffy said preemptively. "You're not."

"I'm sorry you're upset. I wish there were a better solution—I honestly do—but I think you've made the right decision."

"Yeah. I know," she swallowed, and grimaced. "I just wish it didn't feel so much like ripping my heart out with my own hands."

He wished there were something he could do to help, but he knew that all he_ could _do he was already doing. Giles reached to squeeze her arm briefly, and Buffy looked up at him thankfully.

"So what's _your_ excuse?" she asked. "Maybe you didn't realize you were doing it but you were looking a whole lot like a kicked puppy when you walked up a few minutes ago."

"Buffy—" he scoffed.

"What? You were! You did! Seriously, what's wrong? Obviously something happened. I mean really, after _months_ with no explanation of what really happened while you were in L.A. over the summer..." She looked at him in concern. "You're the Watcher—you don't _have_ to tell me—but there's the whole it-might-help thing."

He just looked at her, and he wasn't certain how long he did that before he nodded to himself. Then she was looking at him expectantly.

"Will you be all right?" he asked first.

"I'll live," she said quietly. "Now start talking."

* * *

Giles talked plenty. He told her, pretty much, what had happened in Los Angeles over the summer, and about the coffee shop on the corner and Erin and Lily and the demon dimension he'd almost been trapped in. The part about her Watcher kicking a whole bunch of demon ass made Buffy particularly proud, though she couldn't keep the warm happy feeling for long once Giles moved on to what had happened this time around, on the visit back.

"Oh my god. Giles..." She tried to think of something else to say, but all she came up with was, "Are you okay?"

"I will, as you put it, live—such as I do. I'm much more worried about Erin."

"I know that; that's just you. But really."

"Really what?"

She hesitated, and knew she didn't really have anything else she could add. "Nothing, I guess. I'm sorry."

"Thank you..." He was sitting back in his seat on the couch, and he didn't seem to know what to do with himself without a book or a cup of tea. "What is it that happened here last night?" he asked finally. "I seem to recall you mentioned that _everyone_ was miserable at the moment? For some reason or another?"

Buffy let out a heavy breath. "Yeah...last night..."

"Are the others all right?"

"Well Xander ended up with another head injury and Oz and Cordelia aren't speaking to Willow and Xander, but sure...they're fine."

"Good lord. What—?"

"Short version? Spike." She shuddered in anger. "That happens to be why I'm hating myself at the moment," she said, glaring off into the middle distance. "He was here and I didn't dust him. He got away again." She filled him in one the rest, informing him too that she now knew he'd known about Willow and Xander, and they both sat in silence when she was finished until Giles shook his head and spoke up.

"I knew I shouldn't have left."

"No, Giles; you should have gone. Visiting your friends was a good thing, or it should have been. You couldn't have known what would happen. _Nothing _that happened last night was your fault—there _or_ here." She wasn't sure whether or not he was about to say something to that, because that was when there was a knock on the door. Giles got up to answer it, and it was Xander's voice Buffy heard drifting in from outside.

"Hey. Uhm. Buffy called earlier, said you said were coming back tonight and I just, you know, thought I'd say hi. This is me...saying hi."

Buffy got up from the couch and turned around. "I'm right here, Xander."

Her friend's eyebrows went up. "Oh! Hey. It's Buffy. Hi. Ah..."

"He knows."

Xander blinked. "Knows..."

"Everything, I believe," Giles filled in.

"I told him about last night. You already know Willow told me everything I wasn't there for."

The boy let out a breath. "Right. Of course you did."

Giles stepped back from the door and silently motioned him inside. Xander hesitated, but he came in. Giles had barely closed the door, however, before someone else knocked on it.

This time it was Willow.

"Oh," she said. "You're all here...or I mean 'all' as in the three of you. The four of us. Obviously not 'all' as in including Oz and Cordelia, or maybe that's not obvious to Giles...or..."

"He knows," Buffy repeated gently.

"Oh," Willow said again. She paused and then asked, sheepishly, "May I come in?"

Giles nodded and smiled sympathetically, and let her in.

The door was closed once more and there the four of them stood. The awkward silence that followed resulted in the breaking out of what was left of the junk food Giles had stocked for them, and a pot of tea was brewing when they sat down in the living room. There was a brief recapping of Giles's story and Buffy's news, and it wasn't until after that when they got around to why Xander and Willow had both shown up here in the first place.

Xander tried to make some sort of excuse and failed, and Willow didn't even try. They'd both been looking for just what Buffy had been looking for when she found herself sitting out there waiting for Giles to get home—really just someone to talk to who wasn't right in the middle of everything that had gone down. But now they were all here, and Giles had his own problems, and there was really nothing to do but be here. None of them wanted to go anywhere. At least here they had each other.

"I didn't know it was possible to feel this bad," Willow eventually said.

"Hey...just give them some time," Buffy offered. "And be prepared for some grovelling."

"Oh, I'm all over the grovelling. I am _ready_ for the grovelling," she sighed. "I just wish Oz would _look_ at me."

Xander shook his head slowly. "I don't get it. What we were doing was wrong, I get that, but we stopped. We did the right thing. We stopped, and we told the truth."

Willow nodded. "But we got the same result we would have gotten if...I don't know...they walked in on us kissing or something. I don't understand."

"The right thing to do is not always the best or the easiest thing for _us_," Giles said quietly. "However, it is still the right thing." He looked at them. "For what it's worth, I'm proud of the both of you. You did what I'd hoped I could expect of you."

"Sure," Willow sighed. "I just wish I'd seen the no-gurantee label beforehand. But thanks."

Giles was trying to help. Buffy knew that. He was going to into Watcher-mode and doing his best, but she knew he was hurting just as much as the rest of them. She looked around at her friends, and wondered how they'd gotten here. But the answer was simple.

They'd all wanted what they couldn't have, and it hadn't done them any good. Now it was over, and they knew it was over. They would all keep going, and no matter what came of their respective situations, they would be okay. They still had each other, after all.

But right now Buffy's chest still felt folded in on itself, like she might curl up and die from the pain, and she didn't want to feel that way anymore. It had eased a little, since coming here and not being alone, but she wanted it gone—or as gone as it was going to get for now, anyway.

Maybe they _all_ needed a little extra help in the 'okay' department.

"Hey...guys?" They'd been chattering back and forth, but the second time she tried to interrupt they stopped and looked at her.

"What?" Xander asked.

"Let's get out of here."


	23. Chapter 23

Okay then. Wow. Getting ready for college and having to get ready for leaving for camp on Monday left me like, NO time this week, but i finally got this done so you'd have it before I left. It's a long-ish one, but please bear with me as there's a good bit of reiteration from "Amends" BUT there's plenty of original stuff too, especially at the beginning and end, AND of course even in the essential copied scenes there are the fun subtle changes to look for. SO I hope you enjoy this chapter. I'll be gone all week and have no access to any kind of computer, but I promise I'm bringing a notebook so i can get 'something' done while I'm away. Then I'll just have to type it when I get back. Hopefully. It depends on the amount of free time. Also, I'm going to try my hardest to finish up a new chapter of my other Buffy story 'What Matters' and get it posted tomorrow before I leave the next morning. And even if I don't get everything in that I wanted, I'll post what I have. I promise. Okay?

Okay, so I hope you all enjoy this chapter, and I can't wait to hear from ya'll in your reviews! Ya'll are what keep me going, and thanks so much for that! :)

Chapter 23

"Would you please explain what it is we're doing here?"

Buffy held out the shoes. "We're distracting ourselves."

Giles squinted down his nose at the offending things in her hand. "Is there a reason we had to do it this way?"

"Bowling was the first thing that came to mind; Willow and Xander had a double bowling date with Oz and Cordelia scheduled for last night that they never got to go on."

"Then why on earth are we here? Won't it only remind them of the current situation?"

She shrugged and set the men's rental shoes she'd been holding on the table beside them. "Maybe. But I was thinking more along the lines of giving them the idea that they'll be okay no matter which way this goes—that they can bowl and be happy without significant others, etcetera etcetera."

He thought for a moment, and didn't completely understand her reasoning, but gathered enough to let it go for now. "I suppose..."

"Yes. See? I'm not _completely_ insane."

"Well that much is still debatable."

Buffy's mouth dropped open. "Oh my god. That was actually funny." She smirked. "There may be hope for you yet."

Rupert smiled back tiredly, but made a face when she pushed the shoes across the table at him.

"Come on, Giles, get a move on. Willow and Xander already started the game without us."

He poked at them in disdain. "This is ridiculous. I do hope you know that."

"Sure, but it's_ my_ kind of ridiculous. What, you never spontaneously did anything fun in the middle of the night?"

"Well of course. Believe it or not I was young once, but—"

"But what?"

Giles scowled. "I refuse to put those on. Do you have any idea how many bacteria—"

"They disinfect them. They have to or they kind of get in trouble."

"Yes, but—"

"Giles, seriously. You're killing the attempt at cheering up here."

"I would be much happier if you would stop interrupting me."

She crossed her arms. "If I stop interrupting will you put the shoes on and go with the plan?"

He rolled his eyes a bit, but he had no more arguments to offer. "I suppose I have no choice." He took the shoes and took the table's nearest chair to change into them, muttering under his breath the whole way. He hadn't been bowling in a good two decades, and starting again now had not been his intention. However, it _was _good to be out of his apartment and...simply _elsewhere_. Buffy had been more than right in her general idea, anyhow.

By the time he was ready Willow and Xander and Buffy were waiting, having taken their turns and being unable to continue until he took his. All three of them seemed a bit better already—certainly not as gloomy as they'd all looked an hour ago. Seeing that helped, and Rupert determined to make the best of this. Perhaps a bit of fun _was _in order. It wasn't hard to remember how to do it, and in his first turn he ended up with a fairly decent spare and more points than the three teenagers combined.

Well, not a bad start anyway.

Buffy, Xander, and Willow stared for a minute, and then Willow grinned.

"Way to go, Giles!"

His Slayer only shook her head. "All that complaining, and you can _bowl_?"

He shrugged sheepishly. "Well it _has_ been quite a while, but—"

The next hour or two went much like that. He won the first game easily, but Buffy and the others picked at him endlessly when she took the second and third. The banter came easily, and Giles enjoyed himself, and he wondered why he had never spent with time with Buffy and her friends outside of the library or things to do with Buffy's life as the Slayer. Certainly there had been a bit more of that after the...incident, that had changed him, but...not much quite like this. He regretted it already.

During the fourth and last game Xander made a comeback and was winning, and while he and Willow took their turns Buffy sat back at the table beside her Watcher. She spoke up after a moment, and he discovered that she had been thinking much the same thing.

"I'm glad we decided to do this," she said.

His eyebrows went up as he glanced at her. "I thought you were completely convinced it was a brilliant idea before we arrived."

"Of course not; I just pretended I was. I'm the Slayer, remember? I have to be confident—inspire the masses. The masses being Willow and Xander at the moment, anyway. You too, I guess. What, did it work?"

Rupert smiled. "I believe it did."

"Good," she smiled back. She looked at him for a moment, thoughtful. "I'm glad you're here, too. Will and Xander and I do stuff like this all the time, but it feels right being the four of us and not just the three of us, if that makes any sense."

Giles blinked in surprise. It was good to know, but he couldn't help being a bit caught off guard. "Oh. Well...thank you."

Buffy laughed at him a little, but in a kind way, and when she got up to take her turn she gave his shoulder a squeeze on the way by.

* * *

The Scooby Gang rolled out of the bowling alley when it closed at three in the morning, and the three younger Scoobies crashed in Giles's living room rather than go home. The next day was Saturday anyway. The distraction from one night of bowling couldn't last forever, and Buffy knew that, but it had done its job. It had been worth it, and continued to be so when it led to the four of them doing more together over the next few weeks than they ever had, really. They took turns choosing places to go and what to do, and the continued distraction was welcome.

Cordelia never answered Xander's calls, and when she returned to school she was back in full form—nearly the same girl Buffy had met two years ago. Sadder and angrier, maybe, if one looked close enough, but the same. She spoke to none of the gang unless to insult them, and refused to listen to any pleading from her former boyfriend. It seemed that as far as she was concerned, it was over and she was moving on.

Xander became indignant, Willow seemed to mention nearly hourly, out of guilt, that they should cut her some slack, and Buffy wished she could do something to fix it all. Cordelia's old friends didn't seem to take her back right away, and at the beginning they made just as much fun of her as they regularly did of the Scoobies. Buffy tried, more than once, to reach out to her, but in the end it was of no use. Cordy quickly made a friend in a new girl named Anya that none of them knew anything about, eventually her old group began to accept her again, and it seemed that was the end of that.

Willow kept her apprised of the situation with Oz. So far the only news was that he'd told her he needed time to work things out on his own before he made a decision about anything. Buffy hoped more than anything that there was still a chance for the two of them, because it was all but certain now that she and Xander wouldn't be seeing a happy ending—not with Angel or Cordelia, anyway. Maybe in the future, maybe with someone else...but it still hurt just to think about that.

While Xander reverted to sarcasm and admittedly lame comebacks, Willow made her guilt regularly known, and Buffy tried to forget Angel but felt guilty for the attempt, Giles suffered more silently. If one didn't know him they wouldn't know anything was wrong at all, but that had always been typical of her Watcher. Buffy watched _him_, hoping she would see the signs if he took a proverbial turn for the worse, but he didn't. He soldiered on, along with the rest of them, and when they were together it often seemed as if everything were just fine.

Buffy thought, perhaps, that she had never appreciated the value of good friends so much. It was having each other that kept them all sane and on the straight-and-narrow, and life had settled back into a rhythm as Christmas approached.

Then, one night while she was pulling off some last-minute shopping, she ran into Angel. She hadn't seen him since the night she told him she wouldn't be back.

"Hey," he blinked.

"Angel..."

They'd almost_ literally_ run into each other, and with the heightened senses they were both gifted with perhaps, she thought, it was a testament to how distracted they both were—though Angel's state seemed worse than hers. Still, though she was already concerned, neither of them could do anything at first but stand stock still and look away uncomfortably.

"So, are you shopping?" she asked finally. Then she realized how ridiculous that was. "You're probably not shopping..."

He shook his head. "Couldn't sleep."

"Vampires probably not that big on Christmas now that I think about it." Except for Giles, anyway. The library had gotten a few decent decorations. There was even a stocking with his name on it on the wall by his office door, though _that_ particular piece was _her_ doing.

"Not as a rule."

She didn't know what else to say, and she swallowed. "But you're good?"

Angel shrugged a little, and nodded uncertainly. "I'm all right. You?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm...uhm...just getting some Christmas gifts for the gang. Uhm...I gotta go before the magic store closes..." It was true, and as much as she wanted to see him she had to get away from here, now. This was too awkward, and it hurt that it was awkward.

But Angel wasn't looking at her anymore. He was staring at some point over her shoulder, and he looked as if he'd seen a ghost. "Angel?" She glanced back, but saw nothing out of the ordinary, and twisted around again to study him closely. "What is it?"

Now he swallowed, and started to back away nervously. "I-I gotta go. You need to get to get...somewhere...anyway, right?"

"Yeah..."

He nodded and was gone, and Buffy watched him weave his way through the crowd on Sunnydale's well-decorated main street and out of sight.

* * *

Willow was incredibly tired of waiting for Oz to find her with some type of answer—some type of clue about where they were going, if they were going anywhere at all—but the last time she'd tried to talk to him he'd quickly set her record straight. He'd accused her of trying to force an answer out of him just so she could feel better about herself, and she knew he was right.

The guilt was eating her alive. Even though she knew she and Xander had done the right thing in the end...stopped and confessed...well, the thing was that there had been something to stop and confess in the first place. Maybe nobody was perfect, but that didn't stop her from feeling horrible even though she knew her friends had long since forgiven her and moved on.

The problem was that Oz hadn't. Not yet.

It was the last day before Christmas vacation, and she was going mad thinking that maybe she would have to go through all of it without having spoken to Oz again. She could hardly listen as Buffy described her run-in with Angel the night before. She, Xander, and Buffy had just made it to the sitting area by the vending machines, and had a brush with Cordelia being her usual back-to-normal self...when something finally happened.

They all stopped talking when Oz approached the three of them, and she looked at him hopefully.

"Hey," he said at length.

Willow tried to smile back. "Hey."

Oz asked to borrow her for a minute or two, and Xander was quiet while Buffy quickly smiled and shooed the two of them off. They ended up in a classroom that had been abandoned for the break between classes, and it was a long moment before Oz began, not quite looking at her as he leaned on the edge of a desk.

"Okay. The thing is...thinking about you with Xander, it was...well, I've never felt that way before. When there wasn't a full moon. But...I know you guys have a history..."

"But it's a history that's in the past," she cut in quickly. "Well, I guess most history is in the past, but it's _over_." She and Xander had talked about this—quite in depth. It was over, and they were trying to settle back into just being friends. There couldn't be anything else there, and now that she realized how much she loved Oz she realized she didn't really _want_ anything else with Xander. He was her best friend, and that was how she wanted it. The rest had just been hormones and stupidity and...anyway.

"Well I don't know. I don't know that it ever will be...between you two," Oz said slowly.

"Oz, please believe me."

"This is what I do know," he said instead, and finally looked at her. "I miss you," he admitted quietly. "Like, every second. It's almost like I lost an arm, or worse, a torso. So...I think I'd be willing to...give it a shot."

Willow blinked. "Really?"

He smiled a little. "Yeah."

She couldn't help smiling back, and hoping to god she didn't screw this up again. "Do you want us to-to hug now?"

Oz's smiled widened. "Yeah. I'm good for that."

So they did.

* * *

"So Oz and Willow are together again, then?"

"Looks that way," Buffy nodded, from her perch on the edge of the library table. The afternoon was late. She and Giles had been training and she'd just come back from the bathroom, where she'd changed and freshened up. She was waiting for her mother to pick her up, and in the meantime she'd been giving her Watcher the news.

Giles smiled and took one of the the chairs. "I'm glad to hear it."

"Yeah," she agreed. "It may take a while to get back to where they were, but I think they'll be okay. I'm glad _one _of us got what we wanted, anyway." She paused when Giles winced and looked away. "How are you holding up?" she asked.

He looked at her as if surprised to hear the question. "Oh, I'm...I'm all right, Buffy. I spoke with Lily on the phone just the day before yesterday, actually." He shrugged a bit. "Erin still refuses to speak to me, of course, but...well, I suppose not everything can work out exactly as we hope."

"I guess not," she sighed.

Giles looked at her. "What about you?"

Her eyebrows went up. "Me? Well I told you what happened last night."

"That is precisely why I'm asking."

"I'm fine. Thanks. I'm just a little concerned about him." They both fell silent for a moment. "Hey, uhm...I was thinking. Lately Christmas has been just my mom and me, and we do everything on Christmas Eve—the dinner and the presents and the eggnog and whatever. I thought I'd ask if you could come...you know, hang. Maybe Willow and Xander too, though we'd probably have to lie to Willow's mother about what we're doing what with the being rather insanely Jewish..."

That one definitely seemed to throw Giles for a loop. The four of them had spent a lot of time together recently, but this was Christmas. It was...different. Bigger.

"Well I'm sure Willow and Xander would love to be invited, but perhaps my coming wouldn't be an altogether good idea—"

"Oh good lord, Giles, get over it. God, did I just say that? I did, didn't I? I said 'good lord.' God! Maybe I spend too _much_ time around you. But seriously, hasn't it been long enough? Get over the sex thing already. You have no excuse; everybody's still themselves."

He chuckled uncomfortably and frowned. "Buffy..."

"No, I'm serious. I don't want you spending Christmas by yourself again."

"I appreciate the sentiment, but I just don't believe it's the best idea."

She sat for a moment, scowling at him and trying to come up with a solution. "Fine. How about Christmas Day? I don't think anybody has any conflicts; all of us who really do much for Christmas do everything on Christmas Eve, so maybe we could meet up at your place or something? Listen to to some Christmas music? Exchange gifts? Just whatever..."

Giles nodded slowly. "That would be fine. I would like that."

"Good," she smiled in relief. "Me too. I already got something for all of you anyway."

"I could cook," he offered. "Just because I don't particularly need to anymore doesn't mean I'm not still quite good at it."

"Oh you are, huh?" she asked wryly. He gave her a look and she grinned and shut up. Then she glanced at her wrist, realized she hadn't worn a watch today, and grabbed Giles's arm to look at his. "Crap! Mom's probably been out there waiting for me for ten minutes." She let go of her Watcher's arm and hopped off the table, gathering her coat. "We've got to go get a tree," she explained.

"I see," he said dryly, making a show of shaking out his wrist even though there was no possible way she could have hurt it.

Buffy rolled her eyes at him. "I'll see you tomorrow."

* * *

Giles stood in his kitchen that night, trying to get a head start on deciding what on earth he was going to cook for Christmas Day, when there was a knock on his door. He had no idea who would be on his doorstep at this time of night, though he certainly didn't expect who it was.

He didn't expect to open his door and find himself looking at Angel for the first time since before he'd died.

"Hello," he said coldly. He tried to remember the truth of things—that this was not the demon that had tortured him, and killed Jenny, and tormented all of them—but suddenly it was just too hard to do. All he could do was glare.

It was a long moment before an appropriately nervous Angel swallowed and spoke. "Uhm...I'm sorry to bother you."

The weak laugh slipped out before he could think about it, and for a second or two Rupert couldn't stop it. "Sorry. Coming from you that phrase strikes me as rather funny: sorry to bother me."

"I need your help."

"And the funny keeps on coming..."

"I understand I have no right to ask for it...but there's no one else."

Giles just stared at him for a moment. He wanted to slam the door in Angel's face or tear him to pieces, one, and thinking of Buffy was the only reason he didn't. "All right," he said finally. He stepped back, but his unwelcome guest didn't move.

"What are you waiting for? I don't have to invite you in; no one alive lives here anymore," he snapped after a moment.

The other vampire winced and stepped inside, not looking at him. He stopped just inside the door, looking much smaller than it seemed should be possible for someone so large to look. "Giles...you have no idea how sorry I am..."

He had Angel up against the wall with an arm in his neck before he was really aware he'd decided to lash out. He probably could have controlled the change in his face that the sudden anger brought, but he didn't choose to.

"Sorry?" he repeated incredulously. "Especially after everything else you did besides, do you honestly believe that's enough for this?"

Angel didn't struggle. He only stared at Giles's face, changed by the demon trapped inside the Watcher's body. Finally he coughed once and managed to shake his head marginally. "Of course it's not. I_ know_ it's close to meaningless..." Giles felt him swallow again, against the arm he had pressed to the other vampire's throat, as he trailed off and just stared again. "I just—I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to say."

Rupert stared back at him for a long moment and then let go, stepping back. Angel was able to step away from the wall, and though Giles turned away he saw him rubbing at his neck from the corner of his eye.

"You didn't deserve this. Me, I—I was a horrible excuse for a human being. I deserved every bit of what happened to me. You shouldn't have to live this way. If I could change it—"

"You can't," Giles cut in stiffly. "It's done with." He turned to look at Angel now, glaring again. "Why are you here?"

Angel just stared at him for a moment more, and then reluctantly began to explain. "I've been seeing...I've...I've had dreams lately...about the past, it's-it's like I'm living it again. It's so vivid. I...I need to know. I need to know why I'm here."

"Here; back on Earth."

He shook his head in disgust at himself and looked away. "I should be in a demon dimension suffering an eternity of torture."

Giles's eyebrows went up. "I don't feel particularly inclined to argue with that."

"But I'm not. I was freed, and I don't understand why."

"Knowing why you were back would give you peace of mind?"

"It might."

Rupert looked down at his desk and took a step to push something on it back into place, just so he wouldn't have to look at the other vampire for a moment. "Do you think that's something you ought to have? Because sir, to be blunt..." He looked up again. "The last time you became complacent about your existence, it turned out rather badly."

But Angel wasn't paying much attention now. He was staring wide-eyed over Giles's shoulder, much as Buffy said he'd been doing to her the night before—as if he saw something.

Giles glanced behind him, saw nothing just as Buffy had, and looked back at Angel. "What?"

Angel seemed to be on the verge of panic, or terror—quite possibly both. "Don't you see her?"

"Who...?" He glanced over his shoulder again, in the other direction this time, and again saw nothing. He sensed nothing.

"I-I can't," Angel stammered. Then he fled the apartment through the front door that had never been closed.

Giles didn't pursue. He only stared after him, and even though he hadn't seen anything he had a distinct feeling after a few moments of thought that he knew exactly who the other vampire had seen.

In another moment he sank into the desk chair his arm was already resting on, his legs nearly giving out on the way down. He sat there motionless for longer, until he finally drew up the courage to open the desk drawer. From inside he pulled out the only picture he had of Jenny—of both of them. They hadn't been teenagers, obsessed with preserving inane memories...though now he sometimes wished they _had_ been more that way.

But they hadn't been, and so this was all he had. Rupert could only look at it for a moment before he had to put it away again.

He didn't get any sleep that night, and he ended up at the school hours before dawn and researching what might possibly be causing Angel's problem simply for something to do.

Then Buffy came in early, even though there was no school, and told him about the dream.

"You had a dream about Angel," he said, trying to clarify as he sat tired and hunched over his desk in his office.

"I was in Angel's dream," she corrected, standing beside him.

He shook his head a bit and sat up. "I'm not sure that's—"

"Giles, there was stuff in this dream that I couldn't possibly know about. It was Angel's past; he was dreaming it and somehow I got sucked in." She paused and spoke again more quietly. "There's something wrong with him."

He looked at her for a moment, debating whether or not to mention last night's visit. "I know," he sighed finally. "I've seen him. He wanted to know why he was back."

"Is there a way for us to find that out?"

"Uhm...possibly. I've-I've been looking," he said, twisting in his chair to look back at the one bookshelf he had room for in the office. There were several books sitting there that he'd pulled in the hours before Buffy had shown up. Some of them he'd looked through, and some of them he hadn't.

"Well let me look too."

Giles glanced up at her sharply.

She understood the reason for it and quickly put his mind at ease—at least as much as it could be at ease just now, though that wasn't a lot, really.

"I'm not seeing him anymore," Buffy reminded him. "I'm trying to put all this behind me, and I'm not going to be able to as long as we're both doing guest spots in each others' dreams." Giles was silent.

"So we'll help him?" she asked.

He sat back. He didn't like it at all, but she was right. "Yes," he sighed.

Buffy nodded in thanks and and looked at the ground for a moment. "I uhm...I'm sorry that you just...had to see him like that. I know he wouldn't have bothered you if he thought he had a choice. Before I stopped seeing him I was trying to make sure you didn't have to...not before you were ready..." She grimaced. "That may sound completely stupid."

Giles shook his head to tell her that it didn't, but it was a long time before he said anything else. "I appreciate the attempt, but..." He was going to say it hadn't been necessary, but maybe it had been. He'd barely contained himself last night; to some extent, he hadn't. If that encounter had happened any earlier what would he have done?

He looked away. "Thank you," he finished instead.

Buffy seemed to understand that now was the time to change the subject. "So...to the helping?"

"Where do we start?"

Buffy looked up in surprise, and Giles turned in his chair again to see that Xander had slipped into the office. They both stared at him, and he continued, looking at Buffy.

"Look, I'm aware I haven't been the mostest best friend to you when it comes to the whole Angel thing and uhm..." He shrugged. "I don't know; maybe I finally got the Hanukkah spirit."

Rupert pushed himself up from his chair as Buffy smiled gratefully at her friend. "Well we start, unsurprisingly, with research." He gave them both a book to start with, and took another for himself, and as Xander and Buffy left the office he saw Willow come in.

"Hi guys," she said, and then saw the books in their arms. "What are we doing?"

And then there were four.

* * *

After an entire day of reasearch and pizza and getting nowhere, Buffy fell asleep on the upper desk of the library, stretched on the floor with a few books behind a shelf in the stacks.

And she ended up sucked into another of Angel's dreams.

This one, though, was much different than watching him kill a serving girl at a fancy party two hundred years ago.

This one had nothing to do with memories.

She woke with a start, shocked, and after sitting there for a little while she wondered down the library steps in her stocking feet, shoes dangling from her hands as she tried to sort out what had just happened.

In the dream she and Angel had been together. In the dream they had been...intimate.

And then she'd woken up just before he killed her.

Oh god, what was this thing and what was it doing to him?

Giles came out of his office as she made it down to the main library floor. She didn't see Willow or Xander and decided they must have been in the office too. They weren't following Giles though; they were probably asleep. It was the middle of the night. Gee, her mother would just be thrilled with _that _when she got home.

Her Watcher was carrying a small stack of weathered papers, and he set them on the table. "Here, Buffy; take a look. These letters contain references to an ancient power known as The First."

She came up beside him and squinted down at them. "First what?"

"Evil," he told her, pulling a hand through his hair. "Absolute Evil—older than man, than demons. It could have had the power to bring Angel back."

Buffy picked up one of the papers. It had an illustration of several robed figures with no eyes and strange shapes drawn—_cut_—where the eyes should have been. "These guys. I-I saw them in my dream; I fell asleep up there..."

"You had another dream? With Angel?" She nodded warily. "Well what happened?"

"W-we don't need to get sidetracked." She looked down at the paper in her hands again. "Who are these guys?"

Giles pulled a chair closer and sat down. "They're known as the, um, the Bringers, or-or Harbingers. They're high priests of The First. They uhm..." He searched for a simple way to explain. "They can conjure spirit manifestations and set them on people—influence them, haunt them."

"These are the guys working the mojo on Angel," she determined immediately. Giles nodded.

A now-awake Xander came out from the office. "We gotta stop 'em."

"Ah, y-y-you can't fight The First, Buffy. It's not a physical being," Giles answered tiredly.

"Well I can fight these priest guys."

"If we can find them," Xander agreed.

When morning came it was Christmas Eve, but there was work to be done. Buffy knew where to go for any information there might be, and Xander went with her to press Willy for information. However, beating him wasn't required this time around; he honestly didn't know much. It was rare, but it happened.

All they got from him was that these Bringers might be underground. It wasn't much better than square one, and once they'd reported back to Giles and Willow they all determined it best to give it a rest for a day or so. Buffy and Xander had family plans that night, Willow needed to get home because Oz was coming over since her parents were out of town, and they were all still planning to meet at Giles's place the next day anyway.

Except for the rather freaky dream she'd had in the stacks, which she hadn't described to anyone, there didn't seem to be any immediate danger. They didn't even know for sure that The First or the Bringers had anything to do with any of this. Maybe in another twenty-four hours there would be more to go on. Buffy just hoped twenty-four hours wouldn't make it too late to help Angel.

Besides, Christmas only came once a year, after all. That, and her mother would kill her if she wasn't home for Christmas Eve.

So she went home. She wanted to be there when Faith arrived, anyway. Her fellow Slayer had been invited for the Summers' Christmas Eve festivities days ago, the last time she'd been in town. She had been in and out for the last few weeks, per usual, but when she was around she and Buffy weren't unfriendly. The budding friendship was coming along just fine again, and Buffy still found it easy to talk to the other girl when she got the chance—to talk to someone who understood just what it was like to be a Slayer.

Now she just had to get Angel far enough out of her mind to enjoy Christmas to some capacity.

It didn't help when he showed up in her bedroom acting like he couldn't decide whether to warn her about what was going on, or eat her.

* * *

"He's gone completely wiggy. Faith is at the house with Mom, so she'll be fine if he goes back there, but Giles we have to do something. Soon. _Now_."

"I'm still not sure what."

She paced the floor at the foot of the stairs in his apartment, close to panic. "Find me these priest guys. Find me_ something_ I can pummel."

"Let's not lose our heads," he answered more calmly.

She'd been facing away and now she spun to face him again. "Giles, he's slipping!" She fell silent for a moment. "I think we're losing him." She knew that meant nothing to him, but she could see on his face that he knew it meant something to her. She knew he would do something about it because of that, and she loved him for it—not only for that alone but because she could see how much it hurt him to help her save Angel, instead of letting him die or whatever else might happen.

She knew he was doing it all for her.

"You realize if he truly becomes a danger, you may have to kill him—again," Giles said quietly, and she knew too that he said it not because he wanted it that way but because he wanted her to be prepared, to protect her if he could. "Can you do that?"

Buffy just stood there for a long time.

"Buffy?" he asked gently.

"I guess we'll find out."

He helped her, and they found what they were looking for—a passage in reference to the Bringers that mentioned something about nothing growing above or below them...and then Buffy remembered the stand of dead trees at the Christmas tree lot.

She went straight there, and she dug. Only a thin layer of earth covered a wooden ceiling to the cave under the dead trees, and it was there she found three of the priests Giles had told them about, praying over an altar. Buffy knocked two of them out and the third ran while she swiped the arrangement from the stone surface they'd been using.

"Hmm. I'm impressed."

Buffy looked up quickly at the familiar voice, and stared in shock at the evil thing that had taken Jennifer Calendar's form. "You won't get Angel," she said finally.

It almost laughed. "You think you can fight me? I'm not a demon, little girl; I am something that you can't even conceive. The First Evil: beyond sin, beyond death. I am the thing the darkness fears. You'll never see me but I am everywhere—every being, every thought, every drop of hate—"

"All right, I get it, you're evil," Buffy cut in. "Do we have to chat about it all day?"

Annoyingly enough, that didn't phase the thing very much.

"Angel will be dead by sunrise," it said. "Your Christmas will be his wake."

"No."

"You have no idea what you're dealing with," it smirked.

"Let me guess. Is it...evil?"

Without its priests The First couldn't hurt her, and they both knew it. At that it dropped the guise of Ms. Calendar's form and showed it's true face, just for a moment, before it disappeared and it's malicious voice echoed through the cavern. "_Dead by sunrise_!"

Buffy ran. Angel wasn't at the mansion, but the now-repaired back doors were open, and she followed her gut through them and into the hills behind the house. She found him standing on a ridge, looking out over the city.

"Angel."

He didn't turn around. "I bet half the kids down there are already awake—lying in their beds, sleeping downstairs, waiting for day..."

She hurried to his side. "Angel, please. I need you to get inside. There's only a few minutes left."

"I know," he answered evenly. "I can smell the sunrise long before it comes."

"I don't have time to explain this; you just have to trust me. That thing that was haunting you—"

"It wasn't haunting me. It was showing me," Angel told her, finally looking at her.

She stared up at him in confusion. "Showing you?"

"What I am."

"What you _were_."

"And ever shall be. I wanted to know why I was back, and now I do."

She shook her head desperately. "You _don't_ know. Some great evil takes credit for bringing you back, and you buy it? You just give up?"

"I can't do it again, Buffy. I can't become a killer," he stressed.

"Then fight it."

He looked away. "It's too hard."

Buffy looked out at the sky that would be lightening in seconds, and her heart hammered in her chest. "Angel, please. You _have_ to get inside."

He looked at her sharply. "It told me to kill you. You were in the dream; you know. It told me to lose my soul in you and become a monster again."

She swallowed. "I know what it told you. But what does it matter—?"

"Because I wanted to!" he shouted. When he looked at her again he was close to tears, and now she was too. "Because I want you so badly. I want to take comfort in you, and I know it'll cost me my soul, and a part of me doesn't care." He shook his head miserably. "I'm weak. I've never been anything else. It's not the demon in me that needs killing, Buffy; it's the man."

Buffy stood frozen for a moment, struggling for something to say to that. "_You're_ weak? Everybody is. Everybody fails. If I've learned anything this year it's that nobody is perfect. People make mistakes—big ones—things you don't think you can come back from, but you can." She shrugged helplessly. "Maybe this evil did bring you back. But if it did it's because it needs you, and that means that you can hurt it." He wouldn't look at her, but she pressed on. They were running out of time. "Angel, you have the power to do real good—to make amends. But if you die now all you ever were was a monster!"

She looked out again. "Angel, please, the sun is coming up!" she pleaded.

"Just go."

"I won't."

He looked back at her again. "What, you think this is simple? You think there's an easy answer? You can never understand what I've done! Now go."

She grabbed his arm and pulled. "You are not staying here; I will drag you—"

"Leave!" He smacked her hand away. She punched him, and in retaliation he pushed her face first to the ground and stalked up behind her and turned her around by force to look at him, shaking her as he squeezed her arms too tight.

"Am I a thing worth saving! Huh? Am I a righteous man!" He just looked at her for a moment. "The world wants me gone."

Buffy couldn't stop the tears any longer, and they slid down her face as she looked back at him. "What about me? I love you so much. I _tried_ to make you go away. I killed you and it didn't help." That distracted him enough that she pushed him off easily and got up to her knees. "And I hate it," she sobbed. "I hate that it's so hard, and that you can hurt me so much. I know everything that you did, because you did it to me. You did it to the people I care about. God, I _wish_ that I wished you dead." She shrugged again miserably. "I don't. I _can't_."

Angel sobbed, and Buffy climbed to her feet. After a moment he got to his. "Buffy, please," he swallowed. "Just this once...let me be strong."

"Strong is fighting," she shot back, taking a step or two closer to him. "It's hard, and it's painful, and it's _every day_. It's what we have to do. Would Giles have been strong for ending it after_ he_ came back? He could have done this too. He could have stood in the way of a sunrise or staked himself or swallowed holy water. He could have given up too, but he didn't. I always thought you were just as good a man as he is, but if you're too much of a coward to fight like that then I guess I was wrong. You can burn. If I can't convince you that you belong in this world then I don't know what can."

Her heart breaking all over, again, Buffy sobbed one more time and then stopped. "But do _not_ expect me to watch, and don't expect me to mourn for you because—"

Something fluttered in front of her face and she cut off. She looked out at the horizon and realized that it was well past time for the sun to be up.

But it wasn't.

And it was snowing.

Angel spun in place, confused. "What...?"

Buffy's eyebrows climbed to her hairline, and she almost laughed in hysterical relief. "Oh my god." She held out her hands to feel the soft flakes, and pinned her gaze on him. "Angel...it's snowing. There's not going to _be_ any sun." She smiled weakly. "Does _this_ convince you?"

* * *

Giles wanted to go with Buffy when she left the apartment to find Angel. He wanted to be with her in case there was any danger, but she wanted to go on her own. Rupert waited anxiously, wondering if he'd made the wrong decision in staying behind...when it started to snow.

He stood at the window for the longest time, watching it fall, and glanced at the clock and realized it was keeping the rising sun from breaking through the clouds. It couldn't be seen at all. Somehow, that seemed a good omen.

"Hello, Rupert."

He froze in place at the voice that couldn't be there, and when he turned to look he backed into the wall. "No. You're not—"

"I know what you're thinking," Jenny told him. "I'm not The First. It was using my shape when Angel was here two nights ago, but this is me."

He wanted to believe her, but he'd been tricked before. "Then how...?"

"You're on the couch. You fell asleep." She motioned to the window behind him. "It really is snowing, but you haven't actually seen it yet."

Giles swallowed hard. "I don't understand."

She took a step closer and smiled a little. "You helped Angel. You had no obligation and enough reason not to, but you did. He's safe now. The First failed. It won't be bothering any of you for a while. Maybe The Powers That Be are looking on that kindly. I'm not sure myself."

He winced. "I only did it for Buffy."

"I know. But you wouldn't have done it at all if you weren't the man I fell in love with."

Rupert looked at her for a long moment, and it was her eyes that told him she wasn't lying.

"You're here," he whispered, wide-eyed.

Jenny stepped forward again and reached out to him. "I'm here."

Giles closed the distance between them in an instant, taking the hands she'd offered and twinning his fingers with hers as he pulled her close and kissed her. "Jenny," he sobbed.

"Shh..." Gently she pulled her hands free to wrap her arms around him, and he held on tightly too.

"I love you," he said quietly. "I never told you..."

"I know," she told him. "I knew then." She pulled back to look him in the eyes, smiling up at him in that playul way he remembered so well. "If there was any doubt, it was gone a few months ago."

"What do you mean?"

"You were gone for two days, Rupert. Your soul wasn't here. Where do you think you went?" She kissed him again. "You won't remember until you leave this world again, but you were with me."

Finally Rupert was able to smile a little, at that. "You aren't only telling me what I want to hear?"

She let her arms settle around his neck. "Not at all." Her smile faded. "I'm done lying to you."

He didn't let go of her—he couldn't bring himself to—but he looked away. "I'm sorry. It was hypocritical of me to be angry when we discovered that you...who you were. You forgave me for what happened to you because of _my_ past and-and I wouldn't give you the same courtesy. Not until the end and then—" He blinked back tears and managed to looked at her again. "I wasted so much time."

One of her hands moved up to finger through his hair. "You didn't know what would happen."

"That isn't any excuse."

"So you're a stuffy, stubborn British man. I knew that. Well now you're a stuffy, stubborn British _vampire_, but…" She trailed off and looked at him helplessly. "God, it's my fault. I got the spell ready; Willow only used it. I don't know whether to apologize or be glad I did it."

Giles shook his head. "Don't. Please don't apologize. I couldn't be here for Buffy and the others if it weren't for what you did."

Jenny grimaced. "Yeah, I made it possible for you to be forced to live without sunlight or good food or perfect happiness. Great parting gift, huh?"

"Stop it. If you're going to tell me it isn't my fault because I couldn't have known what would happen to you then I won't let you blame yourself for what happened to _me_." His voice softened. "I'm still here because I want to be, Jenny."

"I know. And I know it's selfish to want you with me…"

Then they were kissing again, and though neither of them needed air he came up for it quickly when he realized where they were headed.

"Rupert, it's all right."

"But the curse—"

"Doesn't matter. This is real in its own way for us, but it's still a dream, and you know that. I was told there's no danger. I promise."

"Told?"

She shrugged a little. "Told in that I know. Even if it did matter, it wouldn't." She looked at him sadly. "You know I can't stay. I'm gone. It can't be perfect." Jenny hugged him close and spoke in his ear. "I can't give you back what we had in those two days—in the longer time it seemed like because time isn't so important anymore where we were then. You wouldn't understand the memories anyway; it was a different plane of existence that you couldn't comprehend in physical form. But I'm here now, and I can give you this."

Giles stroked her hair, drinking in the scent of her that he had missed so much. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. I wouldn't risk it if I wasn't."

He wanted it. He wanted to be with her. He'd loved her so much…and that had never stopped. He missed her. But he pulled back a little, and he hesitated. "Jenny…"

"Don't, Rupert. We already established that we're not guilt-tripping today, remember?"

"You don't know what I was going to say."

She smiled at him kindly. "You were about to go all guilty on me because you care about someone else now."

"Well…"

"You don't have to. We just went over this; I'm gone. I know this stupid curse complicates things, but I want you to be as happy as you can. I never wanted anything else for you." Jenny smirked. "Just because I'm selfish doesn't mean I'm acting on it."

He laughed weakly, and she kissed his cheek.

"I really am sorry about what happened with her. Or I'm sorry you were hurt, at least."

"Thank you..."

She waited a moment or so before she said anything else. "So are we done with the cliché stuff now?"

"I suppose we are." For a moment he just looked at her, staring in wonder at the fact that this was really happening—such as it was. Jenny began to back up, tugging him with her, but when she stepped up to the bottom stair he stopped cold, and his hands tightened around hers and stopped her.

She stepped down again, and his thoughts must have shown on his face. "I didn't die up there, Rupert. I died at the school," she said gently. He swallowed and looked away for a moment. "You probably don't want details."

"No," he whispered. "I want you back."

Jenny squeezed his hands in return and pulled herself closer, pressing her lips over his. There was no discomfort because as real as it was to them, it wasn't—real. And she wasn't alive either. There was no blood to want, and that made it easier. It made it as close to perfect as it could be as he held her against him and they started up the stairs together.

"Are _you_ sure about this?" she managed to ask. "I know what _I_ want, but I don't want to make anything harder for you in the long run."

"I'll be fine."

Then he picked her up and carried her the rest of the way.


	24. Chapter 24

There, see? I told ya'll I'd post again as quickly as I could once I got back from camp. I got back late Saturday, and now it's Monday. Or Tuesday, technically, but whatever...lol. :P Be looking for the next chapter of What Matters soon too!

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter. I think it's starting in on what a lot of you have been waiting for. :) I know_ I've _been waiting to write it! I can't wait to hear from ya'll, so please do review. It helps so much! Thanks for reading!

Chapter 24

Buffy and Angel walked hand-in-hand through the streets of Sunnydale as the snow fell around them, and she knew nothing had changed—it would still be wrong for them to be together—but it was nice to pretend, just for now, and to forget that it could never be, and to walk quietly in this small miracle and just be _okay_. At the same time she wanted to run and shout for joy that Angel was all right, but she was content just to be here with him.

It was still very early morning, but people were coming outside to gawk at the snow, and suddenly the strolling couple—but not a couple—didn't stand out anymore. They seemed just like everyone else, out to enjoy the rare weather. She wished they _could_ be like everyone else.

But they weren't.

Still, that didn't matter so much right now. Angel was safe, and today's crisis was over.

They didn't talk about it, but their path led them back to Giles's place. Angel, however, hesitated outside.

"If he hadn't helped I wouldn't have found you in time," she told him quietly.

"I know he helped, and I'm grateful. I just...don't think it's a good idea for me to go in there. The last time I was here I ended up shoved into a wall. Not that it hurt or anything; I just don't want to upset him. That's the last thing Giles should get for his troubles."

Buffy squeezed his hand and let go. "How about I go in and ask first, if he wants to see you?"

Angel looked away. "He won't. But I get it."

She let out a breath. "_I _need to thank him. I know I'll be back here later today, but I need to do it now. I need to let him know what happened. I don't want him worrying. Will you wait for me, at least? Walk me home?"

He nodded. "I can do that." He paused for a moment. "If he won't let me tell him myself, would _you_ tell him thank you for me?"

"Sure..." She took a step toward the door but stopped and glanced back at him, realizing she didn't want to leave him alone just yet. Angel smiled weakly at the look on her face.

"I'll be fine," he promised her. "I'm not going anywhere."

Buffy swallowed, and she went back and hugged him briefly before heading up to Giles's door.

* * *

Jenny settled against his chest and lay still, and Rupert held her close. He knew there wasn't much time left. "I'm going, soon," she'd said a moment ago. "I can feel it."

"I'm sorry things turned out this way," she said now, quietly.

"So am I," he sighed, kissing her forehead.

She pushed up a bit to look at him, to run a hand through his hair and study him. For a long while Giles just looked back, wanting to remember every detail of her face. He'd only had human memories of her until now, and the memory of a vampire was—unfortunately, in the case of enemies—much sharper than that of a human. Now though, he wanted to use it.

"I love you," she said finally. "Don't forget that. Whatever else I did when I was alive, because of my people...it didn't mean I didn't love you."

Rupert answered by kissing her. He wasn't sure how long their lips were locked this time. "I know," he said, when the contact finally broke.

She smiled a little and settled beside him again, but now with a hand propping her head up as she faced him, and he turned a little to face her, too. "You were always attractive in your funny stuffy British way," she told him, a soft laugh in her voice. "You were adorable; I couldn't help giving you a hard time." She paused, maybe thinking. "But I think I loved you when you tried to stand up to Buffy that night the Master almost rose—when you were willing to go down there alone...to die to keep her safe. I knew after meeting someone like that I'd never be able to settle for less." The corners of her mouth twitched up again. "I had to have you."

Giles laughed once, and then winced and looked away for a moment. "I wish that I had such a story. I only knew there was something about you...that I fell in love with you, though I don't know when..."

"Don't worry about it. I wasn't really expecting anything back there; I just wanted you to know."

"Ah..."

She laughed a little and kissed him again. "There you go being adorable. Again. God _why_ did you have to be so adorable?"

His eyebrows went up. "Adorable," he deadpanned. "Yes, well, I am certain that is a word _every_ man wishes to hear used to describe him." But he couldn't help smiling, because it was her. It was Jenny, and she was here, and maybe it wasn't for much longer, but she'd always been able to make him smile.

"I'm sorry; it's just so true." She let out a breath. "Rupert, are you sure I haven't just made things worse for you?"

"I doubt that whoever or whatever made this possible would have let it happen if they thought that would be the only outcome."

"That's not answering the question."

Giles didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say. He knew he would never regret this, but he also knew that it would hurt more, at first, when she was gone again. She knew it, too.

"I'm glad that you're here," he said finally.

"So am I. But I have to go." She swallowed. "Listen, Rupert...I know it'll take time, but I was working fast when I reconstructed that spell. Maybe I missed something. Maybe someday Willow or someone else _will_ find a way to alter it—or find another answer altogether. Don't give up."

"I won't see you again, will I?" he whispered.

"Not this side of heaven, or wherever it is I am. We were. It's certainly a whole lot better than I ever expected to get..." She smiled again. "But I'm not complaining. It let us be together for a while."

Then they were in each others' arms again, because they knew it was ending.

"Your parents are nice people, by the way."

He pulled back a little in confusion. "What?"

"I've seen them. A little stuffy, maybe, and I sure as hell like your mother a lot more than your dad, but they're nice. In general. They hate me."

Rupert shook his head, because he didn't know how else to respond to that. "Good lord..." Then he kissed her again, gently. "I love you." It was still hard to say, even here, but he wished he'd been able to do it when she'd been alive.

"I love you, too," she said after a moment. "Just don't let it keep you from living. Your heart doesn't have to be beating for you to have a life on earth," she reminded him. "Though I guess you knew that, or you wouldn't be here. I know Buffy and Willow and others won't let you forget it, either."

"No. I don't suppose they will." She looked away quickly, as if hearing something, and he frowned. "What is it?"

Her arms tightened around him. "I'm going. I'm sorry...there's nothing I can do..."

No. Not yet.

They kissed one more time, somehow a tender thing as much as it was needy, and then all they could do was hold on. Giles could feel this fabricated dreamworld dissolving around them, and he didn't want to watch.

He closed his eyes as Jenny whispered to him, trying to cheer him up even now, because that was what she did.

"Merry Christmas, England."

* * *

The front door of Giles's apartment wasn't locked, so when he didn't answer in sufficient enough time for Buffy's peace of mind she went in anyway, calling his name. "Giles?"

It didn't take long to find him, out on the couch. Angel had come up to the door but remained outside, though he was there if there turned out to be a problem. There wasn't, and when Buffy motioned that she'd found Giles Angel closed the door for her and remained outside.

Buffy lowered quietly herself to the coffee table beside her sleeping Watcher. None of them had gotten much sleep in the past two or three days, and he looked exhausted—if that was even possible for a perfectly healthy vampire. But she couldn't help watching him for a few minutes, because somehow he looked peaceful, too, and it was good to see after everything he'd been through since May.

Then he started to toss and turn restlessly, and tears slipped from his eyes.

"Giles?" She frowned and shook him awake, worried, and in took a while but finally his eyes flickered open and he focused blearily on her and pushed up against the back of the couch.

"Buffy...?"

She was off the coffee table and up on her knees by the couch now, closer. "Yeah. It's me. Are you okay?" she asked. Before she knew she was really doing it she'd reached toward his face and swiped a thumb gently over one of his damp cheeks, and he caught her hand in surprise. They looked at each other for a moment, really only a split second, and then she pulled her hand back.

Giles touched his fingers to his own cheek, and when they came away wet he looked at them in confusion.

"Giles?" she asked again.

He swallowed, not quite looking at her, and then he did focus on her and do his best to smile. "I'm all right, Buffy." He looked around as if only now realizing where he was. "What happened? Angel is all right?"

"Yeah...how did you know?"

"I'm not certain that you would believe me if I told you," he answered, still looking distracted.

Buffy studied him a for a few long seconds. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm certain. Thank you..."

She gave him a look, but he wouldn't explain further, and though she was still concerned she decided it was best to let it go for now. She shrugged and got up from the floor to move to the other end of the couch as her Watcher sat up and pulled his legs down off of it. He dried his face and cleared his throat.

"So, what...?"

She winced. "Long story short, The First wanted Angel to kill me—_after_, well...you know. When that didn't work it just convinced him it was better to kill himself instead. I found him out on a ridge behind the mansion just before sunrise and I almost couldn't talk him down. I _didn't_ talk him down. If it hadn't started snowing..." She trailed off and swallowed, knowing how close she had come to losing Angel for good. "He's okay now."

Giles nodded.

Buffy sat where she was until she spoke again. "Thank you for helping him," she said finally. "Even if you didn't do it for him."

"I didn't," he admitted.

"I know...and so does Angel, but he's waiting outside. He wants to thank you himself, but we both understand if you don't want to see him. Just say so."

Giles thought for a long while, and he wasn't looking at her when he answered. "I don't need thanks from him, but...I suppose he may come in for a moment, if that's what he wants."

"Okay...do you want me to stay?"

"No, that's-that's all right. You go on. You should get home."

"I guess so. We didn't really get to do the Christmas stuff before Angel showed up and I had to split, anyway. Mom and Faith probably ate without me. With me being gone all night I hope they did, anyway, as long as they left me some. Are we still on for the gang thing later?"

"Yes, of course. At this rate the food may be late, but..." He trailed off and looked thoughtful again. "Buffy?"

"Yeah?"

"Faith...and your mother," he began slowly. "You can tell them that they're welcome here later today as well, if you feel inclined to. I'm sure that Faith would enjoy the inclusion, whether or not she would admit it."

Buffy eyebrows went up at him. "Are you sure? What about Mom?"

He winced. "Yes, well, I suppose we will need to be able to speak to one another in person at some point. I am your Watcher and she is your mother, after all. It's inevitable. We might as well begin the process of being comfortable with it again now."

"Are you sure?" she asked again, skeptically.

"Buffy, please."

"Okay, okay. I just want to make sure it's not gonna make things too weird or anything, you know? I want to have a good Christmas. I can't really explain it; I just...feel like we really should."

Now why did she say that? She really _didn't_ understand it, but the feeling was there. She could have been concerned about it, but she didn't want to do that now.

Giles smiled at her, probably not understanding either. "Go on. You needn't leave your mother at home concerned for you any longer than necessary."

* * *

Buffy went home, and Giles stood from the couch and was waiting when Angel stepped silently inside. At first the two of them only looked at each other.

Finally Angel cleared his throat. "I guess Buffy told you that I uhm...just wanted to say thank you—for helping her figure this out, helping...me. I know you didn't do it for me, and I get that. I understand. Just...thanks."

"Well I'm certainly not going to tell you that you're welcome."

Angel winced apologetically. "I didn't think so. I just thought it was right to thank you anyway."

"Now you've done it then," Giles nodded. He started to turn away, to indicate that he would rather be left alone now, and just caught Angel opening his mouth as if he wanted to say something else. But he didn't, and he started to leave.

Then Rupert realized there was something else he wanted to say.

"Angel." The other vampire twisted back around as Giles did. "Do you and Buffy...plan to continue not seeing each other, or has that idea now gone to the wind?"

Angel blinked once or twice. "I-I don't know. We haven't had a chance to talk about it."

Giles looked at him, and he felt a certain degree of satisfaction when he saw that it was making Angel uncomfortable. "I won't stand in the way, whatever it is that you do in the end; I care about Buffy, but she must learn to make her own decisions. However, do keep in mind that if you hurt her again I will gladly turn you to dust myself."

The other vampire swallowed. "If I ever hurt her, I would let you."

"Then at least we agree on something."

Angel slipped out again, closing the door behind him, and Giles was left alone. It took a few minutes to relax again, after the inevitable tension that came from being in the same room with Angel.

Eventually Rupert went to his desk. He didn't sit, but he opened the drawer, and he pulled out the picture of himself and Jenny. He looked at it for a long while, and it hurt...more in a way, than before, but it was different. Somehow it was more bearable, too.

Finally he smiled a bit, if sadly, and set the framed photo on the desk now instead of hiding it away again.

When Buffy arrived just after noon later that day—before Willow and Xander and Oz, but with her mother and Faith in tow—she saw it. She gave him that look, that let him know she wanted to make sure he was all right, and he nodded at her. The look after that told him she still didn't understand, but also that she was still willing to let it go. She smiled some to let him know she trusted him, and that was that.

Giles wondered how long they'd been able to have entire conversations without saying a word.

* * *

Buffy was more than satisfied with her Christmas, by the end of it. Giles cooked, and of course it really was delicious, and her mother had been nervous about going over, but it turned out fine. The conversation quickly shifted away from awkward, and maybe the snow helped but that was all right. They exchanged gifts, and Faith had even brought a couple of small things along to contribute. Buffy hadn't expected that, though she _had _gotten something for her fellow Slayer.

There had been enough good times with Willow and Xander and Giles lately, the original gang, sometimes including Oz, because they'd been trying to spend more time together. It seemed, though, like having Faith and her mother here now made the whole thing that much better. It felt even more like a family than usual—it _was_ a family. It was _her_ family.

They stayed at Giles's place late into the night, venturing out into the courtyard of the apartment complex to watch the fireworks going up at the edge of town. Maybe it was Christmas, not the 4th of July or New Years, but some people would take any excuse. Since the verdict by the time they finally dispersed was that Giles and Joyce were now sufficiently able to be near each other again, the same group gathered at Buffy's house for New Years Eve when it actually came.

Angel didn't show his face at either gathering, but that wasn't unexpected. Buffy didn't see him on purpose at first, but she ran into him more often now...though she wondered if that was an accident. She didn't mind it, really. Granted, it was probably good that it didn't happen _too_ often, but...well one couldn't help it if they just ran into a person, right?

Fireworks sounded in the distance as midnight came and passed, and her mother and the others stayed inside with the food and the television, but Buffy followed her Watcher out onto the porch when she saw him slip outside.

Giles stood at the railing, looking out at nothing in particular. There happened to be a few active fireworks visible through the houses and trees in his line of sight, but she didn't think he was paying much attention to them. She stood beside him for a while, just fine with the silence.

There was still a bit of snow left on the ground, and the late night air was chilly with the remnants of the cold front that had brought it a week ago. Buffy shivered and leaned into Giles's side a bit, but it didn't help much. He wasn't very cold, really, but he wasn't warm, either. After a moment he snapped out of it enough to realize that, and he pulled off his jacket and set it around her shoulders.

"Thanks..." she trailed, a little embarrassed.

He only nodded in answer, and looked out at the stars again. They stood in silence a while longer, until Buffy spoke.

"So you okay?"

Giles shrugged. "I suppose I am. I was only thinking."

"Thinking is good. It can lead to ideas, which can be useful."

He chuckled. "I'm sorry if I concerned you."

"I don't mind. That's what I'm here for," she shrugged in return. She paused. "What is it?"

Giles didn't answer at first. He looked up at a popping firework in the distance. "It's a new year."

"Thus the big glowy ball thing that just dropped down a pole in New York and all the other flashy colorful things making a lot of noise around here."

He glanced back at her, briefly, with Watcher-face, and she smiled sweetly. Then he was looking off again, and when he looked serious again Buffy did, too. The concern was coming back.

"It's the first one since I uhm...since I was changed," he said quietly. He frowned some, swallowed, looked down at the ground. "It will be the first year I was never human."

Buffy responded by threading an arm through his and hugging him that way. She held on gently as she stayed there with him, watching the fireworks and the stars and whatever the new year was going to bring.

* * *

Giles felt all right by the time he made it home early New Years morning, before the sun. The picture on the desk had been there for a week, and he could look at it more easily now. He was glad that he'd decided to put it there. Things had been rather calm this past week—no major slaying opportunities between holidays. He could now speak to Joyce Summers without stammering or inserting an 'uhm' at every other word. She wasn't so wary of the fact that he was a vampire anymore and he thought now, perhaps, that she might become a good friend.

In short, but for the small reflection that had hit him as the new year began, he was fine. Even then, Buffy had been there—right there—and he'd known she understood. Knowing there were people who cared about him that much...

He was in a much better place than he had ever thought possible when he'd woken in May, to discover what had happened to him.

Perhaps Jenny was right. It didn't have to be perfect to be happiness.

He was going to be all right.

Then he peeled the December page from his desk calendar, and stared down at January in horror as he realized that Buffy's eighteen birthday was only a few short weeks away.

* * *

"God, why do we have to start back so early?" Buffy complained, from her perch on the edge of the library table. "New Years was like three days ago."

Needless to say, she wasn't happy about it. She didn't plan on jumping right back into any kind of hard work if she could help it. It was early and school had yet to start, but she fully planning on slacking for a few days in protest. Then, of course, she would have to get back on the ball and keep her grades up to make sure she graduated with halfway decent ones in hopes that her mother wouldn't murder her, but whatever.

"Anyway, oh, hey, I had this crazy dream last night. Really intense, almost like one of those prophetic things but not, 'cause there were flying cars."

"Flying cars?" Giles asked absently.

"Yeah, totally. There were lots of 'em, and a bunch of insanely tall skyscrapers, too. I was there and you were there and we were kicking some serious vamp-demon ass, which was kinda cool, but after that it got kind of depressing."

"Buffy..."

"Actually it was really more a nightmare than anything, I guess."

"Buffy."

"The flying cars were cool though. I'm sure Xander or any other geek would have felt right at home there, wherever _there_ was."

"Buffy, please listen," Giles said wearily.

She didn't really hear him. She frowned to herself as she thought. "It would have been a really neat dream if it hadn't been for the us-dying part. That part really sucked." She didn't tell him that it had scared the crap out of her. The setting made it clear that it was only a dream, and it would have sounded stupid to be scared. She wasn't a little girl.

But she supposed she'd told him about the dream anyway, just in case he caught on and asked her if she was all right.

But he didn't say any such thing now. She realized suddenly that he was pacing nervously by the table she was sitting on, and he stopped now and very nearly shouted.

"Buffy, please! Be quiet!"

Her eyebrows went up in surprise. "God, Giles, what?"

He glanced at her and swallowed. "I'm sorry. I just uhm...need to speak with you. It's rather urgent, I'm afraid."

Buffy hopped off the table immediately. "What is it? What do I need to fight?"

Giles grimaced and motioned her toward his office. "That isn't exactly what's...well..." She went in, and she would have stood, but her Watcher closed the office door and made her sit down. Then he started the pacing again, slower and on a smaller scale, but it was there. She was starting to worry.

"I...there is something I must tell you. The Council would never have it, but I-I've made a decision. If they knew what had happened to me they would not show much favor, so as much as it has been bred into me I'm not inclined to follow blindly any longer."

"Okay...good boy. Hadn't we already established this?"

"Not exactly." He stopped pacing, facing her but not looking at her, and he didn't stop moving entirely. He was too full of what was obviously nervous energy. His arms moved as he talked, and it was one of those moments when she knew he wanted to have glasses to clean as an excuse for something to do with his hands. "There is something...something else, something specific that I hadn't told you, because...I was forbidden to, and-and now that—well I don't agree with them. I never did, but I was too bloody stupid...afraid to say anything about it until now, but it may very well be too late."

She scowled in confusion. "What are you talking about? Excuse me if I say that doesn't sound very good."

"It isn't."

He told her, haltingly, about the Cruciamentum. By the time he was finished he'd dropped into the only other chair in the room, and he fell silent, still not looking at her.

Buffy stared at him for the longest time. "You were going to poison me."

His head jerked up. "No, I—I never wanted to. This test is, is, it's cruel. I never agreed with the principle."

"But...but you've known from the moment you met me that they were going to ask you to do it, if I lived this long. You _knew _it," she said incredulously.

"The Council does not _ask_. They demand. They order," he answered quietly. "I didn't believe I had a choice. I tried to forget that it was coming, and I've had more than enough time to do it and plenty enough extenuating circumstances to make it easier to do. I honestly didn't actively realize that your eighteenth birthday was so close until I returned home three nights ago. I didn't. Since then I've tried to come up with an answer, a solution..."

"How long did it take you to actually decide not to do it?"

Giles frowned. "What?"

"Once you realized how close it was and that you had to make a decision, how long did it take you to decide not to do it?" she questioned again. She didn't want to be angry, not at Giles, but this was too big to grasp without lashing out _somehow_. Buffy knew she was letting her temper get the better of her, but she couldn't seem to stop it.

"That isn't important..."

"Sure it is!" She shot out of her chair. "Did you know right then that you wouldn't do it, or did you have to sit around and think about it for a while? Huh?"

He swallowed hard. "B-Buffy, I've told you that my father and grandmother were both Watchers. But for the short time in which I chose to rebel, that world was the only one I'd ever known. All I knew was my loyalty to them, the oath I took..."

"Damn your stupid oath! What about _me_!"

"I _am_ thinking about you! That's why I've chosen not to do it now!"

Buffy let out a heavy breath and paced the edge of the small room, around and around a few times to cool down. God, her stupid temper. This wasn't Giles's fault. But...what about all that time before now? From the beginning, when he'd known this was coming? He said that in the past he hadn't believed he'd have a choice, when the time came, but it still hurt...knowing that he'd known and he hadn't done anything, hadn't said anything.

"I'm sorry," she said finally. "I'm just...this is crazier than that dream last night. I'm kind of having trouble processing."

She sensed Giles standing behind her. "No, you have every right to be angry. I should have done the right thing long before now. I should have spoken out against this, or at the very least warned you much sooner."

"Yeah. You should have."

Buffy wanted to be able to stay, to tell him that she wasn't going to stay angry with him about this, to tell him it would be all right and they would figure this out, but she couldn't. She was still too shaken, and much too angry.

For now, at least, she had to walk away.

* * *

Rupert spent the rest of the day shut in his office when he didn't have duties to attend to, wondering if he had lost his Slayer. He had hardly ever felt more relieved than the moment after classes when Buffy walked through those double doors and came straight into the office. She stopped just inside, and they looked at each other silently for a moment until she spoke.

"The Council would have fired you if you'd tried to get them to call it off, wouldn't they?" He didn't have to answer. "Figures..."

"They may now, if I refuse to comply."

"We can't let that happen," she said immediately.

"I still have this job here; even if they did I would be fine. I wouldn't necessarily have to leave."

"But they'd send another Watcher, wouldn't they? Whoever it was would find out about you eventually, and last time I checked you said that could be very bad."

He winced. "I don't see that we have another choice."

Buffy crossed her arms. "All of that to keep me from having to face one vampire? I'm not going to risk losing you for that. We have another choice. You've got an idea; I can tell. You just don't want to say so because you don't like it."

Giles shook his head. "No."

"Giles..."

"I won't."

"Giles."

"The only other course of action would...be to do it anyway, to fool them into thinking I never warned you. We would have to be thorough. They send two or three men to prepare the place where the match will take place, and if they notice anything out of the ordinary..."

"So we make it look ordinary—or as ordinary as me temporarily losing my powers can look."

He stood from his desk chair and paced closer to her, shaking his head more fervently. "It's too dangerous. I won't have you put in that situation."

"What, you don't think I can do it?"

"That isn't it at all!"

"Then what?"

"I—I don't want anything to happen to you, Buffy. You-you know that, or I hope you do."

"I know. I also know that I feel the same way about you. If this is the only way to keep you safe, then we're doing it."

Giles rested his hands on her shoulders and looked her in the eyes. "Buffy, I don't think you've thought this through—"

"I've thought it _all_ the way through. I've considered everything, and I don't see any other option either. I hate it just as much as you. I don't want to be normal again, even for a little while, but I won't be helpless. I can do it. I can take down whatever they throw at me, and I can make it look good."

He swallowed hard. He knew how many Slayers had died thanks to this 'test' and he didn't want his to be next. He would never forgive himself, even if she was the one who'd chosen to try.

"I-I can't," he stammered. His arms fell to his sides again. "I can't."

Buffy took a step closer. "Yes you can. We have to."

"But—"

"Giles, please," she pleaded. "I _promise_ you that I'm not taking this lightly. I _know_ it's dangerous, and maybe I'm a little scared but that doesn't matter. If you don't play along something is going to happen one way or another, and I'm going to lose you."

He almost laughed anxiously at her intensity. "And I thought you were angry."

"I _am_ angry. At them. Okay...I was a little mad at you too, and maybe I still am, but that's not going to get us anywhere."

"Are you certain? You've only had the day to—"

"It was plenty of time, Giles. I didn't need long to know I wasn't going to let anyone hurt you," she snapped.

Rupert fell back a step at the sharp rebuke.

Buffy's expression softened. "Sorry. Again. God, I suck at the making nice today..." She held up a hand. "Don't tell me it's okay. It's not."

"Neither is the fact that I hadn't done anything about this until now."

"Touché." She sighed. "Look...we're going to be okay, okay? I don't want to fight, and we don't need to. I just want to get through this. Can we do that?"

"But—"

"No more protesting. We're doing this."

Giles looked at her for a long time before he spoke. "Are you certain?" he asked again.

Buffy nodded firmly. "I'm certain. What, exactly, do we have to do?"


	25. Chapter 25

My only excuse is that I wanted this chapter to be perfect. That, and work and bla bla bla...but the next chapter will be even more of a departure and should be faster to write, since I've been looking forward to it for quite a while now. :) Anyway, in the meantime this chapter is extra long, so I hope you'll enjoy it! Please do review so I know ya'll are around, and thanks so much! you guys help a lot. I can't wait to hear from you. :)

**NOTE:** Any details/references to Faith's past are not mine. I'm taking them from the novel _Go Ask Malice_ by Robert Joseph Levy, which I have accepted as Faith's backstory. If you haven't read it, read it. It is epically amazing. :D

Chapter 25

"Will we have to de-vamp-proof the library? How would that work, anyway? You know, without you going poof on us..."

"We won't need to do anything to the library, no; they won't come here. They'll stay out of sight of anywhere you might frequent.

Buffy nodded to herself. "Okay...good. That's good. What about the others? What do we tell them?"

"Nothing," Giles answered immediately. "I do hate to say that, but just because they haven't mentioned any additional surveillance beyond myself doesn't mean there won't be any. We can't be too careful. The others need to be genuinely surprised by what will happen."

She let out a breath and took his desk chair. "You mean me losing my powers."

"Yes..."

"Great. You're right; I hate that too. We can explain afterwards though, right?"

He nodded slowly. "Once this is over and the council members are gone, of course—though we must get to that point first, and I daresay it won't be easy. I can't promise we'll succeed."

"We have to try," she said sharply.

Giles only nodded in agreement, and they both fell silent for a moment.

"So..." she said finally. "When's the fun part start?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"The shots, Giles. When do we have to start drugging me up?"

He winced, not all enjoying thinking about it. "Oh. Yes, well...next week, at some point—a few days before your birthday. Buffy, I don't like this at all."

"Me either." She stood. "School's over for the day. Are we training, or no?"

* * *

The next week would have been bad enough, what with the waiting, but of course something else had to go wrong. The Hansel and Gretel incident grew to a ridiculous scale before it was shut down, and that was largely thanks to Giles and a spell he'd managed to remember. He'd saved her life—again—along with Willow's and Amy's. Though Amy, really, had already saved herself, but the end result left her a rat. Willow was still working on a way to reverse that...

Buffy told no one what Giles had told her. Maybe it would have been safer for her to let at least Angel know what was going to go down, but she didn't want there to be _any_ chance of the council finding out that she knew about the test, or finding out about Giles. She couldn't bring herself to risk it.

Then there was also the fact that she still didn't_ see_ Angel very often.

The morning she went in to the library before school to begin the injections that would temporarily take away her powers, she was nervous enough. It didn't help that Giles was up and pacing and looking extremely unhappy again.

Buffy stopped in the doorway of his office. "Is the doctor in? The patient's reporting," she said lightly. It was a cover, and he would know it, too, but it was who she was.

Giles looked up quickly, as if surprised to see her. "Oh. Buffy."

"Yes. Me." She stepped into the office. "So you ready to get this show on the road?"

"Not particularly."

"So that makes two of us.

He nodded once, absently, and she narrowed her eyes at him in concern. "Is there something else? Giles. Talk to me."

Finally he slowed to a stop and faced her. "It's only that..." He trailed off and tried again. "The day I told you about all of this you mentioned a dream, something about flying cars?"

"There were flying cars, yeah, but I doubt that had much to do with anything. It was probably a classic case of your run-of-the-mill nightmare being set in a weird place. I've heard it happens."

Giles nodded slowly. "It does, and perhaps that would be a perfectly acceptable explanation." He looked up. "If I hadn't had the same dream last night."

Buffy just blinked at him for a moment. "_You_ dreamed about flying cars?"

"It was a city."

"Yeah."

"There were many faces, but you and I were the only ones I recognized at all. There was some sort of battle..."

"And we both bit the dust. You, literally," Buffy finished, seriously creeped out now. Her eyes were wide, but she couldn't really fix that now. "You're serious? You had that dream too?"

Giles nodded again. "I did. I don't understand it, but I know it can't mean anything good. Quite obviously it can't be directly prophetic, but perhaps a warning of some sort...or I could be quite paranoid, and all that's afoot here is a case of my having a strange dream similar to one you had because I at least subconsciously remembered you describing it."

"I'm really hoping we're gonna go with that 'coincidence' idea."

"I would love to. However, I'm not so certain we should simply brush this away."

"But...even if it was some kind of warning, why would you have gotten it too? Aren't I the only one who's supposed to get that stuff in dreams? Have the whole mild future-predicting warning system?"  
"Generally yes," he said thoughtfully. "The Slayer has always had that ability, along with the dreams of past Slayers' lives."

"That doesn't answer the question of how the hell you got it too. Unless it was just a coincidence, like a subconsious thing."

Giles shook his head. "I don't know. Before Eyghon made his appearance last year I dreamed about the past, what we'd done, what happened to Randall...and I hadn't had those nightmares in years."

Buffy set her school bag and her purse down by the door and took a few steps closer. "So...what? What do you think that means? You think maybe you have some kind of small ability of your own? I guess if anything would bring something like that out having a demon in there would." It was an interesting thought—not the demon thing, because they all hated that part, but the other thing.

"No...no, I am certainly not arrogant enough to have such thoughts, but still it _is _strange."

"Yeah..." She trailed off and they both fell silent for a moment or two. "So what do you want to do?" she asked finally. "I'm still in if you're still in."

"I was afraid you would say that."

A corner of her mouth ticked up. "You were trying to get me to change my mind, weren't you? Did you make all of that up just now?"

"Not at all. However, I suppose I did hope it might have the desired effect."

"The desired effect being me changing my mind about doing this this way."

Her Watcher swallowed hard. "I wish we had another choice. I don't want to do this. If anything happens to you—"

"It won't," Buffy assured him. She closed the last bit of distance between them and hugged him. "I've been working on strategies for more than a week. You've been helping me during training. I'm going to be _fine_." It took another moment, but he put his arms around her in return. He held on tightly for long enough that she wondered if he really wanted to let go at all.

Part of her didn't want him to. As much as it still, sometimes, seemed strange how some things had changed since Giles had died—how much _they_ had changed, they way their relationship was so much stronger, the way things like this weren't so out there anymore...

Even though it still seemed strange sometimes, she didn't care now, while she was standing here holding onto him. She was remembering the dream again, that horrible dream, and she couldn't help having a bad feeling about all of this.

"Everything's gonna be fine," she said again, more to convince herself than anything.

* * *

Faith had left Sunnydale again New Years Day, and ended up cleaning out a couple of vamp nests a few towns over. Now she had returned to Sunnydale again, and it almost scared her how comforting it was to be back in the familiar little town.

She wasn't sure how much longer she could stay here. She was becoming a little attached to the place...but was that a bad thing?

God, if only Buffy and friends weren't so damn nice and understanding.

But, she thought, it had been a while since there was anyone she could call a friend.

When she rolled back into town it was late, but it was just about the time of night she would have expected to find Buffy out on patrol. That was why it didn't surprise her when she _did _find her fellow Slayer in the park, which would be about halfway through her rounds. She hadn't expected to find Giles with her, though.

"Hey." She approached the pair casually, hands in her back pockets. Both of them spun quickly, and relaxed when they saw it was only her.

"You're back," Buffy observed.

"Oh. Hello, Faith," Giles nodded.

"Hey," Faith repeated. "What's new?"

The two exchanged a strange glance, and Giles cleared his throat. Buffy shrugged. "Not much. You missed a little excitement again, but you really don't want to know the details."

"Are you kidding? I want to hear everything. Found some excitement of my own, though—I'll have to fill you in, too."

Buffy smirked a little. "Sure." She looked to her Watcher. "Giles, you don't have to stay. Faith's here now; we can finish this up."

Faith shrugged in agreement. "Yeah, G. Let the girls handle it."

He glanced at her, but then looked back at his own Slayer. "Are you certain?"

"There was never any reason for you to be out here with me in the first place; you're just being paranoid," Buffy told him firmly.

He opened his mouth as if to protest, but his eyes slipped in Faith's direction for a split second, and he shut his mouth. "All right, but do be careful."

"Giles, seriously."

He took the hint, and he left. Faith watched him go with some interest, finding it strange that he hadn't protested to the nickname. "You know, B, there are overprotective Watchers, and then there's him."

"Don't I know it," Buffy sighed.

"Not that I've met a lot of Watchers; I'm just guessing. What's with him, anyway? You're both kind of off."

"There are just...some things going on, that's all. It's nothing you need to worry about."

"I wasn't worryin' or anything, just curious."

The two Slayers walked the rest of the park and headed through Sunnydale's cemeteries, catching each other up on the action they'd seen in the past week or so.

"_MOO_? Please tell me you're joking."

"I am not kidding. _Mothers Oppossed to the Occult,_ they called themselves," Buffy said, shaking her head at the ridiculous memory.

"Okay, I'm kinda glad I wasn't here for that."

"So am I; you would have gotten yourself burned at the stake _so_ much quicker than the rest of us." Both of them laughed, and to Faith it felt good. She didn't laugh a lot anymore, she realized. Not since...well, she'd never been one for laughing. Not unless she was the one making the joke.

"Whatever, so I can't argue with that one."

Buffy sighed a bit. "Yeah...god, I'm so jealous. You _weren't_ here for that bit of insanity, and you got to take out _vampires_ like a _normal_ Slayer. Sometimes I almost wish I could just _be_ normal but with the crazy crap we've had to deal with recently I'd be happy with a little typical vampire violence..." There was definitely something going on behind that short rant. Faith could tell that much.

"I hear ya. Why do you think I go looking for it? If you need to let off steam, let off steam. Bein' a Slayer makes it ridiculously easy, if you ask me. There are only two steps involed: find vamps, dust vamps."

"Thanks," Buffy smiled. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Don't mention it."

Something nagged at the back of Faith's mind, but she couldn't tell exactly what it was. She kept seeing Giles's face before he left, the way he looked kind of worried, anxious even...and for some reason the fact that this was Buffy and friends' senior year of high school seemed important. What the hell was she trying to remember?

Then it hit her.

"Hey B, anything else going on around here?"

"Not really. I've got a birthday later this week, and my dad's coming in a few days later to take me to the ice show, but that's about it."

The second part threw her off. "Ice show?"

"Yeah," Buffy answered, a little embarrassed. "I've already been over this with the friends—big dumb girly thing, yes, but I love it. Everyone has to have their guilty pleasures."

"Sure." Faith paused. "It's the big eighteen, right?"

"It is," Buffy nodded. As she said it something seemed...off, again. She didn't seem to like having to give that answer.

Did she know?

"Right..." Then Buffy was looking at her, studying her, and Faith shifted uncomfortably. "What?"

For a long time the other girl said nothing. The she glanced around them, as if making certain there was no one to overhear. Faith didn't see anyone, but Buffy pulled her between the cover of a few bushes anyway. "Do you know?" she asked finally, incredulously.

_I was just wonderin' the same thing._

"Know what?"

"How old are you, anyway?"

"What does _that_ have to do with anything?"

"How old are you?" Buffy repeated.

Faith crossed her arms and answered carefully. "I'm eighteen—been that way since December 14th. Why?"

Several emotions crossed her fellow Slayer's face at once: surprise, hurt, confusion, a few others, and she didn't quite find one to settle on.

"You had a birthday and you didn't tell us?"

Faith shrugged. "It's not a big deal. Besides, knowing you guys you might have thrown a party or something, and I really wasn't in the mood for the attention. I was out of town that day, anyway."

"But...you know. Somehow you know."

If Buffy was talking about what she thought she was talking about, yeah. She knew. Faith looked at her for a moment. "I found my Watcher's journal a while back, read about it, and she said they'd have to call it off—then everything with Kakistos went down before we heard back from the Council on that one. How do _you_ know?"

Buffy let out a breath. "Giles told me. He didn't want to do it."

"Neither did my Watcher, but it from what she wrote it looked like she was gonna do it anyway, before I read the journal entry," she scowled. The memory wasn't a good one. She'd split for a couple of days after that, but...she couldn't stay angry. Not anymore. Not after everything that had happened after that. She was just glad she'd forgiven her Watcher before...before all of it. Before she was dead. "We are talking about the Crucia-whatever, right?"

"Cruciamentum."

"Like I said, whatever. So G told you, and...?"

Buffy deflated. "We have to do it, and we have to make it look like I never knew. That's why the others don't know."

"B, if you know about it why not take the get-out-of-jail free card and skip the whole thing?"

"Faith, if nothing had happened in Boston and you and your Watcher were still there, believe me when I tell you that the Council would have been breathing down your neck about it _somehow_. And I didn't read Giles's journal. He told me. If they find out he did that he'll be in trouble. They could fire him, and the last thing we need is another Watcher snooping around here 24/7. It wouldn't be safe for Giles. The Council would find out."

"That he's a vampire?"

"_Yes_. We talked about this a long time ago; that would be bad, remember? Anyway, I'm glad you're here. I hate to have to say it, but I kind of need somebody to watch my back. That's why Giles was out here. We had to start the shots today."

"Shots. That's how they take your powers?"

"Yeah," Buffy winced.

Faith looked at her for a moment. "I guess this means you want me to stick around until this is over with?"

"If you don't mind..."

She had to think about that for a minute or two. Making promises had never worked out well for her, but...maybe these people were worth it.

"Yeah. Sure."

* * *

It didn't kick in until the next night. Buffy was on patrol with Faith, and one moment she was wrestling with a vamp and the next she suddenly couldn't hold it off as well as usual. It nearly staked her with her own stake, but Faith took it out from behind. Thank god Giles wasn't there to freak out. Maybe Faith wasn't so far off on the overprotective bit...

She'd told Giles that Faith knew about the whole thing, and explained how. He was just as glad as she was that the other Slayer would be around if needed. And Faith had come through. She'd been there, and she'd taken out the vamp that nearly killed her.

Still, though, the incident scared her. She hated to admit it to herself, but it did. She didn't want to be normal. Weak. It had been so long she scarcely remembered what it was like.

The morning after that Buffy found herself in the library before school, trying to throw knives and failing miserably. She saw Giles come in out of the corner of her eye, and spoke before he could ask what she was doing.

"I really hate this. Is it supposed to do this to me, too? I was fine yesterday and now look at me." She tried tossing another one, but instead of spinning neatly and landing in the target board set up at the other end of the table it went through the bars of the railing behind the board and landed powerlessly and uselessly on the floor of the upper level.

Giles put a hand on her arm to stop her before she could pick up another knife. "I'm afraid so," he sighed. "Yes, generally coordination goes just as much as the strength. I'm sorry..."

She let go of the knife she'd tried to pick up and turned to her Watcher. "Would you stop that?"

"Stop what?"

"Apologizing. I seem to recall this whole apologies-over agreement a while back. It was working pretty well there for a while."

"This is completely different subject matter—"

"Uh-uh. No squirming out of this one. Besides, you make the very small part of me that's still mad at you feel bad for existing when you walk around with the sorrys and the big sad puppy eyes. You've been doing that for two weeks; you can stop now. It's a wonder no one's noticed already as it is. If it hadn't been for the Hansel and Gretel thing I'm sure somebody _would_ have. Stop jeopardizing the operation."

He opened his mouth and Buffy jumped in again before he could say anything. "Down boy."

He scowled. "You know, I_ am_ your Watcher. You could show a bit more respect."

"_There_ we go. That's my Giles."

He glared at her a bit and retreated into his office with his tea. "Are you all right?" he asked finally, over his shoulder.

She followed him in and shrugged as she answered. "I'll live. I'm gonna have to come up with some kind of explanation for the guys soon though. They're going to start noticing. I guess I put on a show of not knowing what's going on and then guess that I'm just sick or something, huh? Just something to keep 'em off my back until this is over and we don't have to lie to them anymore?"

Giles nodded slowly. "That would seem to be the best course of action for now."

"Right..."

In the end Buffy managed to get through the rest of the day without anyone noticing anything out of the ordinary, and it was another day in which she didn't have to start lying to her friends yet. She knew she was going to hate_ that _just as much as she hated the feeling of losing her powers. Still, not having to lie today kept her mood alfoat.

Until she got home, and found the flowers on the kitchen counter. Normally, flowers would be a good thing. They would make a girl happy.

But they were from her father.

"His quarterly projections are unravelling and he can't afford to take off right now—or for a while," Joyce tried to explain. "He promises to make it up to you. He sent the tickets, and he got them for next week instead of this week like you asked. It's all right there in the letter."

Buffy plucked the letter and the tickets from the flowers and stared at them angrily. Her mother was behind her and couldn't see the face, and she continued.

"If you want I can have someone cover for me at the gallery, if you want me to take you."

She swallowed and shook her head. "No thanks."

Her chest ached almost physically as she fled from the kitchen and went up to her room, crumpling the letter from her dad in one fist as she went. She tossed it into the trash can when she got there and almost dropped the ice show tickets in after them. At the last moment she decided to keep the tickets, and slipped them into her backpack.

_Fine, Dad. You don't care anymore? Then I don't either. I don't need you. _

* * *

"A what?"

"An ice show," Buffy repeated. "It's just an old tradition my dad and I have: he takes me every year for my birthday, but he's busy this year. He won't be able to get here for a while, and not in time to take me, and Mom has to work too." She jumped up from the edge of the library table. "And it's not just cartoon characters. They do pieces from operas and ballets...a lot of sophisticated people go."

"What are you saying?" Giles asked in confusion,

She shrugged sheepishly. "Well, you know, it's usually something that families do together, but my family's busy, and if someone were free they'd take their students, or...their Slayer..."

He smiled a bit. "If you need a way to get into the city you could simply ask."

"Well it's not just the _ride_; it's no fun going by yourself..."

His eyebrows went up in understanding. "Yes, well...I'm not certain why you're thinking about such a thing at a time like this."

"Well I asked him to get tickets for late next week when all of this is gonna be over and everything, and I'm looking_ forward _to it being over. I'm being positive. That's not wrong, is it?"

"No, no of course not," Rupert answered, leaning on the edge of table as she had been a moment before. "It's only that I can't promise anything when I don't know what will happen in the next few days."

Buffy brightened. "You mean you'd take me?"

He paused a moment. "If it's possible I don't see why I would mind. But as I said—"

"Don't worry; it's _completely_ possible. I checked. It's late enough that it wouldn't be a problem. It'll be dark and all. You'll be fine."

Giles winced. "That isn't what I meant."

His Slayer scowled and was quiet for a moment or two. "I know," she said finally. "But do you have to burst my bubble like that?"

He could see now, that she was hurting. Whether her father's story of being too swamped to leave work was true or not, she was feeling rejection. She was reaching out in an effort to _not_ feel so hurt, to feel loved and wanted, and when he remembered the way his own father had often been quiet and aloof and absorbed in his work with the Council, often seeming not care...Rupert could well understand what she was feeling.

Giles reached out to her, to rest a hand on her shoulder, and when Buffy looked up at him she didn't have to say anything to tell him she knew that he got it.

* * *

"So how's it going with Amy the rat?" Buffy asked.

"Good!" Willow answered enthusiastically. "She loves her new exercise wheel. She runs around, her nose wiggles, and—"

"I meant how's it going changing her back into a human being?"

Willow deflated. It was much more fun to think about Amy's amusing antics than to think about how completely she was failing at the changing her back part. "Oh. Still workin' on it..." She trailed off and then brightened again. "But I just got her the cutest little bell. It's just—" She cut off on the cute parade when Buffy stopped, and she looked where her friend was looking.

What they saw was a 'popular' boy neither of them knew confronting Cordelia, complaining about the fact that she apparently hadn't shown at the Bronze the night before when she indicated that she was going to.

"You made me look like some kind of dork in front of my posse," the guy nearly growled, grabbing her arm.

Cordelia slapped his hand away. "First of all, posse? Passe. Second of all, anyone with a _teaspoon_ of brains knows not to take my flirting seriously—especially with my extentuating circumstances."

"What circumstances?"

"Rebound! Look it up!" Cordelia tried to do the storming-off thing that she did so well, but the guy grabbed her and shoved her back into the tree that just had to be there.

"Hey, we're not through here!"

Buffy, of course, stalked right up to the guy, and Willow couldn't wait to see what would happen next. These things always turned out pretty interesting.

"Oh, I bet to diff—" Buffy cut off when she grabbed his arm...and nothing happened. She tried again, and still nothing. The guy just smirked and shoved her off, and she toppled over the concrete bench behind her.

"Buffy!" Willow cried.

At the same time Cordelia was staring at the guy incredulously. "What is wrong with you!" She started pummeling his chest with her fists, and he fell back.

"Ow! The chick started it!"

Cordelia chased him off, and Willow went to her friend to help her up. "Are you okay?"

Buffy sat up slowly, frowning. "My pride took a serious hit, but I'm fine. Thanks."

That was when Cordelia came back, and came up to them. "So are you okay?"

They both blinked at her, surprised that she was asking as if she cared a little. "I'm fine," Buffy said finally.

Cordy nodded once. "Okay, just making sure because that was, you know, weird, since you're supposed to have superpowers and everything. So you're fine?" Buffy nodded again and the other girl nodded back quickly. "Okay." Then she hurried off, as if afraid of being seen with them while she was attempting to rebuild her social status.

That was probably exactly the reason, actually.

Buffy looked at Willow in alarm. "What the hell just happened?"

"Th-that's what I was gonna ask you. You shoulda been able to toss that guy across the courtyard, and—poof. Nothing. I'm guessing that's bad."

"Yeah. I'm guessing that too."

"Well...what do you think it is?"

Buffy shrugged and stood, dusting herself off. "I don't know. Maybe I'm getting sick or something."

"But you've been sick before and it didn't take your strength like that—not that bad," Willow said worriedly.

"I know," she said quickly. "So...maybe it was just a glitch. I'm sick, and it was a glitch. I'm going with glitch."

"Well it would be good if it was only a glitch..."

"Agreed." She hesitated. "Maybe I'd better let Giles know."

Willow nodded quickly. "Right! Good. Maybe he'll know what's going on. Let's go."

"You should get to class, Will. I'll go," Buffy told her.

She chewed her lip for a moment. "Are you sure? 'Cause I don't mind."

Buffy smiled reassuringly at her. "I'm sure. Besides, it's probably nothing to worry about anyway. Like we agreed—just a glitch. As soon as I get over the humiliation, I'll be fine."

With that Buffy headed off in the direction of the library, leaving Willow to get to class and wonder if her friend was really all right. It had been weird when she asked that they not throw a big party for her 18th birthday, and now this.

* * *

"Okay, that was not at all fun."

Giles looked up from the returned books he was sorting behind the counter. "Buffy? What are you doing in here now? I believe you should be in class."

She shrugged and leaned on her side of the counter. "Like that's ever stopped me?" She let out a breath. "No, it's just that there was a very public incident just now and I promised Willow I'd come see if you might possibly know what could be wrong with me. I figured the best cover was to actually come."

The moment she said the word 'incident' her Watcher's eyebrows had gone up in alarm. "What happened? Are you all right?"

"Physically, fine. Yes. However, the ego is wounded." He looked at her curiously and she reluctantly elaborated. "I just got swatted down by some no-neck and rescued by _Cordelia_. Please tell me I don't have to explain how I'm feeling right now."

"Oh." Giles paused, blinked. "Dear."

"Mild understatement, much?" She let her head drop into her arms on the counter. "How much longer do I have to deal with this? When is this thing going down?"

She heard him shift uncomfortably where he stood, and it was a long moment before he answered. "Likely tomorrow night," he said finally.

Buffy's head snapped up. She'd figured it had to be soon, but that didn't mean she had to like it. "Bloody brilliant," she sighed.

Giles was so far into concerned mode recently that he didn't even comment on the fact that she'd just mocked him. "If you're having second thoughts I would understand."

"I'm not," she lied. She was, but it didn't matter. She didn't have a choice whether Giles thought she did or not. She wasn't giving herself a choice.

"Right then. Well...perhaps you should let Faith patrol tonight—stay home and rest up."

"I don't think so. I need to be out there in the action making sure I'm as on top of things as I can be right now. That's how I can get ready for tomorrow."

"But Buffy, your powers are completely drained by now. Patrolling in your condition would be extremely dangerous."

"I'm gonna be in a whole hell of a lot more danger tomorrow, Giles," she deadpanned.

He swallowed. "I know that. I only—"  
"I know," she cut in gently. "But don't worry, okay?"

"It isn't something one can simply stop," he protested.

"Try. We already decided we were going to pull this off, right?" Giles looked like he wanted to say something to that, but for once he didn't. He let it go, and she smiled a little before she asked the next question. "So when will you know for sure?"

He did the reaching for his face thing, balled his hand into a loose fist and let it drop when there were no glasses there to adjust, and cleared his throat. "I-I'm still waiting for a call from Quentin. I should have heard from him by the time school is out."

"Then I'll be back after school," she nodded. "Quentin is that Travers guy you don't like who's in charge, right?"

"He is."

And when it happened, the fight was going down at the old boarding house on Prescott Lane that had been abandoned for decades. Giles had told her about the vampire she was to face, as well. His background wasn't a pretty story. Buffy was thinking, running scenarios in her head, and she didn't notice at first that her Watcher had come out from behind the counter. Now he was standing beside her, hands in his pockets.

"I uhm...I went to the boarding house last night, to speak with him. I tried once again to convince him to call off this ridiculous test, but he would have none of it."

"Then you made with the playing their game and got out of there, right?" she pressed.

"Of course, but..." He trailed off, but he never finished the thought.

"You tried. Thanks."

Giles gave her a small, resigned smile.

They stood that way for a moment, until Buffy was forced to looked over her shoulder at the clock on the wall and announce that she had probably better get to class.

The rest of the day passed much too slowly, and when she made it back to the library after classes she discovered that yes, the Cruciamentum was set for tomorrow as far as Quentin Travers and the Council were concerned. She told Faith, that night when they patrolled, and they finished early so that she could go home and get the rest Giles had suggested.

Or that was what she meant to do. Instead, she ended up at the mansion. Or outside the mansion, where she ran into Angel coming out.

"Buffy." He stopped, surprised. "I was just coming to look for you."

"What for?"

Angel shrugged uncertainly. "Well, it's...tomorrow is your birthday, and..." He looked down at his hands in the pockets of his coat, and after a moment he pulled them out and reached to an inside pocket to pull something out. "I just had something for you; that's all." He held it in both hands for a moment before holding it out to her. "I hope you don't mind."

She swallowed. "Well I uhm...I wasn't gonna make this birthday any kind of big deal or anything, but it's okay. Thanks..." She took it and carefully unwrapped the gift from the handkerchief it was hidden in, and found a book. It was in perfect condition, but it had been around a awhile. She opened it and discovered that it was a book of sonnets.

It was perfectly Angel.

Buffy couldn't help smiling as she closed it again and ran a hand over the cover. "Thank you. It's beautiful."

"You really like it?" he asked hopefully.

"Of course I do. It's sweet and thoughtful, and...full of neat words to learn and say like 'wilt' and 'henceforth...'"

He smiled a little. "Then why did you look more excited last year when you got a severed arm in a box."

She shook her head. "It's not you. I promise." She held up the book. "This really is beautiful—one of the nicest gifts anyone's ever given me, honest. I just...there's a lot going on right now..."

"I know. I've hardly seen you for two weeks. Is everything okay?"

She scowled in thought. "That's the problem. I don't know."

"What do you mean?"

Buffy crossed her arms, holding the book close to her chest. "I'll tell you when I know."

Angel studied her closely. "But..."

"I'm sorry. Look, I really need to go right now, but thank you..."

He looked at her for a moment more and then looked away. "Okay. I uhm...you know where to find me, if...if you need anything, or anything."

"I know. Thanks."

She hesitated a moment, and then hugged him before she was on her way home. The walking home thing was going fine until she rounded a corner and walked right straight into a vampire.

She'd heard humming coming from somewhere, and she'd been muttering something to herself about hummers, big turn off, she preferred guys who could remember the lyrics...

The vampire in the gray jumpsuit caught her arms and grinned at her. "You know I wish I could, but my mind just isn't what it used to be."

She struggled, but it wasn't helping much. The book Angel had given her clattered to the ground. "Let me go," she demanded helplessly.

"You didn't say please!" he smirked. He pulled her close and leaned in for the kill, but she pushed at his chest and squirmed.

"Get off—no! Help!" she screamed. She tried pulling back one way and then the other, and finally she twisted out of her coat and spun away to run. Instead there was suddenly another vampire behind her, a younger one.

"Help!" Buffy screamed again. She ran out from between them and shot down the alley, panic pushing her heart into her throat when she saw the chain-link fence at the end. On any another day she could climb it and jump over easily, but now...

Now she had no power. No backup. Neither Faith nor Giles were here, and she was helpless. She hated the feeling of fear in her chest and the feeling of having to call for help. She didn't want to scream, but she wanted to live.

"Help! Somebody please help me!"

She couldn't remember the last time she had been this afraid, and she hated it.

She ran into the fence and tried to climb, but she wasn't strong enough. One of the panels at the bottom was loose, and she bent to crawl through to the other side.

Then the second vampire, the only one actually following her, grabbed her from behind.

"No! Ah!" She kicked at it, straining to pull herself the rest of the way through the opening, and finally shook it off and got to her feet on the other side. She didn't waist time running out into the nearby road—the only close piece of civilization, and her only chance of help. She knew it was a stupid idea, but she was panicking. She _had_ no other ideas.

Buffy stopped in the middle of an intersection and waved her arms at an oncoming car. "Stop! Please! I need help!" But it only dodged her and honked. "Please stop!" It kept going. She glanced over her shoulder and saw that the vampire, larger than her, had abandoned trying to fit through the hole she'd come through and was now climbing the fence.

A new light approached from behind her, and when she looked back to the road it looked like this car was slowing down. She waved her arms again, but soon saw that there was no need.

It was Giles.

He stopped beside her and pushed open the passenger-side door. "Hurry!"

She jumped in, but didn't get the door closed before the vampire that had obviously made it over the fence reached the car and grabbed at her again. Giles took off, dragging the vamp with them, and after a moment Buffy finally managed to kick it off and onto the road. It bounced and rolled behind them, and she pulled the door closed as Giles kept going.

They went a few blocks, with Buffy slumped in the passenger seat gulping for air. When they were far enough away that the vampire wouldn't have been able to follow them on foot, her Watcher pulled off to the side of the road and stopped so he could turn to look at her.

"Are you all right?"

His eyes were wide, very much worried.

She sighed heavily. "I would be a lot more okay if I could have taken those vamps out myself, but I'm fine. God, what was wrong with that guy?"

"Which one? There was more than one?"

"The first one didn't follow me, which was weird. He was extremely creepy, and that second one was obviously a member of the geek patrol in life."

Giles looked away and swallowed. "He was. He worked for the Watchers' Council."

She stared at him. "Excuse me?"

"Blair—one of the two men Quentin brought with him to prepare the boarding house. The other is dead. I was just there."

"What the hell happened?"

"Kralik has escaped. The first vampire you saw was likely him."

"_That_ was Kralik? Giles, if that crackpot is loose we have to do something."

"_I _have to do something. He is out now, and unpredictable, and much more dangerous than if he were trapped in that building with no way out. No, I'm going to take you home, and you are going to stay there until this is over. _I _will deal with this."

"Giles, _what_ are you talking about? I'm the Slayer. I am _not_ sitting at home while you go after this guy. What about that Travers guy? What if he sees you?" she protested.

"If I'm alone it will be easier to convince him that I simply never told you, that when Kralik escaped I decided to take matters into my own hands seeing as the test will quite obviously never happen now."

She hesitated. "Will he buy that?"

"I don't see any reason why he wouldn't believe it. Whether he likes it or not is another story entirely. However, he and Council are much more likely to let _that_ go than if they were to discover that I've told you everything.

"Or the other thing."

"Yes...that, as well."

"I don't want to sit at home and do nothing."

"I know."

They looked at each other for a long moment, but Buffy knew that when she spoke again she wouldn't protest anymore. If it was the only way to be as sure as they could be that the Council would never know about him...

"Be careful," she said finally. "They're just as strong as you, and there are two of them. One of them just rose, which means he's probably stronger."

"Buffy—"

"You told me that, remember? In training, forever ago?

"I know that."

"I know, I'm just saying," she answered quickly. " The whole point of me staying behind is completely lost if you get yourself killed."

Giles started the car again, but didn't pull back onto the road just yet. "I'd gathered that," he said quietly. He glanced at her again, and she shifted in her seat and searched for something else to say. She didn't want it to have to be like this. She wanted to be able to come with him.

"Right now I'm really wishing we didn't have to have this extra primary agenda," she told him in a small voice.

Giles nodded a bit in agreement and pulled out onto the road now. "Unfortunately, wishing does nothing," he answered gently.

They made it to the Summers home unscathed, but as soon as they pulled up to the curb in front of the house they knew something was wrong.

The front door was hanging open.

Buffy jumped out of the car and ran up the sidewalk. "Mom!" She stopped in the doorway, where the red coat she'd lost to Kralik and the book she'd dropped on the sidewalk were resting in a pile just inside. "Mom!" There was no answer, and she searched for any other clue.

Then she saw the instant picture jammed into the door hinge.

"Buffy! What—"

Giles hurried up behind her as she pulled the picture from where it was stuck. It was barely developed enough to see, but she could tell what it was of. When she flipped it over the word COME was written on the back.

"He has Mom," she whispered in horror. "How...how did he even get here by now? Much less leave with her!"

She looked back at her Watcher as he took once last look at the picture in her hands before looking around.

"They haven't been gone for long—barely a few moments."

"How do you know that?"

"I can smell him."

Okay...creepy, but not the time. She started to bolt. "Maybe we can catch him—"

Giles caught her shoulders and held her back. "_You_ couldn't. Not now. I'll go. Stay here, and stay inside where it's safe," he said quickly.

"Giles, it's my_ mother_! He has my _mother_! If the Council asks, show them the picture and tell them that's all I knew. Some vamp took my mother and I went to rescue her. They'll believe that. Now let's _go_; we should find Faith, too, and there isn't time to waste here."

"No. There isn't. That is why we should not be wasting time we don't have in useless argument!"

"I'm not staying here, Giles," she said vehemently.

"Yes you bloody well are! You're angry and upset and even if you _had _your power you would be dangerous."

"I _want_ to be dangerous," she seethed. "To him." She was still trying to get away from him, and he was still holding her back. It didn't seem to be very hard for him, and she was beginning to feel even more pathetic on top of the anger and the worry and everything else.

"I meant that right now you're a danger to yourself, likely to make mistakes you wouldn't otherwise, and being quite normal at the moment won't help. Now we've already been over why it is that you need to stay here. I need you safe. Please—"

She cut him off again. "But Giles—!"

He spun her around to face him, still holding her shoulders, and shook her a bit, looking her in the eyes. "Buffy, listen to me! If you want your mother safe then you will let Faith and I handle this. We will find Kralik, deal with him and with Blair, and bring her home. I promise you that."

As she stared back it occurred to her that Giles had used incorrect grammar there, and she marveled at the fact that he'd done it and that she'd realized it in the first place.

Then she realized she was on the edge of hysteria, and that was probably the only reason any of that was going through her head at all.

Buffy forced herself to calm down as much as she _could_ calm down, what with her mother being in the hands of an insane vampire and all. "You don't have to find him. He said_ come_. He's not making us guess where he is; they'll be back at the boarding house."

"Which will make the first task much easier."

"Closer to nonexsistent." She paused for a moment, swallowing as she realized he was right when he said that they were wasting time, standing here arguing. "Fine. Get going."

Giles nodded, squeezed her shoulders and let go. "She'll be all right."

"I heard you the first time. Now get out of here and bring her back."

Her Watcher nodded once more, ran for his car, and took off.

As soon as he was gone Buffy shut the door and bolted upstairs to gather weapons.

* * *

Faith was having trouble with the old television set in her motel room again when there a knock on the door—a knocking that didn't stop. She gave the failing piece of technology one last slap and went to answer the annoying noise.

"This better be g—"

She stopped.

It was Giles. He wasn't out of breath, seeing as he didn't need any, but he looked like he would have been if he were still human.

"Faith. Thank god. I'm afraid I may need your help."

"With what?" she asked, confused as to why the Watcher would be at her door. He was nice to her and all, and had been from the beginning despite the fact that she'd tried to dust him. He'd offered to train her too, along with Buffy, but she'd declined only because organized anything wasn't her style. She appreciated everything, not that she would ever say so, but beyond the times they were both on patrol with Buffy or she was helping the Scooby Gang with some bad guy or another, they didn't see each other much.

"The vampire that the members of the Council brought with them, that Buffy was to face...he's escaped, and he's taken Buffy's mother."

Faith's frowned. "He's got Joyce?"

Giles nodded quickly. "His name is Kralik, and we believe he's taken her back to the boarding house whyere the test was to take place. He's also made one of the Council's men one of his own, so there are two of them."

"I don't need details. Bring me to the vamps and they're going down. Where's Buffy?"

"Her powers are completely drained now, and this is much more dangerous than even the test itself. I insisted on leaving her at her home."

"You_ do_ know she's not gonna stay there, don't you?"

Giles hesitated. "I'd hoped I had convinced her to, but I fear you may be right."

"So we hurry." She glanced down at herself and realized she only had shorts and a tank top on. "Thirty seconds." She closed the door, changed quickly, and hurried out. Giles was already back in his car with the engine running. Faith jumped in and they left.

"We're making a pit stop for weapons, right?"

"We are," Giles said shortly.

The high school was dark, but the lights were already on in the library. Faith figured it was probably more of Buffy's friends, and wondered how they were gonna get out of there with a crapload of weapons without telling the other kids what was going down.

But it wasn't Buffy's friends. No, it was some guy dressed it a suit not unlike Giles's own tweed, but shorter and fatter. He was looking around with interest, and for some reason Faith got the feeling that wasn't a good thing.

It didn't help the feeling-bad-about-this when Giles stopped short the moment he saw the guy.

"Quentin?"


	26. Chapter 26

Okay, here ya'll go. I really hope nobody kills me...This story is far from over, I'll tell ya'll that. So please stay with me, okay? :) Anyway, I hope ya'll enjoy reading this, and please do review and let me know what ya think. I've been excited about this chapter for a while now...and kind of dreading it at the same time. Grr. I suppose you'll see what I mean. Anyway, I can't wait to hear from ya'll! Thanks so much for everything!

Chapter 26

"Quentin?"

The sinking feeling appeared in his gut the moment he saw the other man, but Giles swallowed past it and forced himself to remain calm. This was not good at all, but perhaps the situation could still be salvaged. Perhaps.

Travers turned from his inspection of the room, and his eyebrows went up. "Giles. There you are. I was just looking for you."

"Why did you come _here_? Buffy could have been here."

"I quite doubt that."

"Might I ask why?"

The other Watcher shrugged a bit. "I was on watch over by the boarding house."

Rupert took a step forward. "Then you know what's happened?"

"Yes," Travers sighed.

Giles couldn't help but glare at the lack of concern in his tone. "He's killed Hobson, and made Blair one of his own. Your perfectly controlled test seems to have spun rather impressively out of control, don't you think?"

Quentin looked at him for a long moment before he said simply, "It changes nothing."

"It changes everything. There can be no test. Both Kralik and Blair must be taken care of."

Travers's gaze went to the girl behind him. "I suppose that was where the both of you were headed now, then? To take care of them? This must be Faith."

"What's it to you? Freak," the Slayer answered in a hostile tone. Giles sensed her coming up beside him and put an arm out for a brief moment to hold her off.

"Faith..."

She glanced at him and unhappily took a step back again, but it was something of an accomplishment that she'd listened to him at all.

Rupert looked back to Travers. "Somehow I doubt that you would attempt to put them down yourself. If we don't see to it, then who will?"

"For your Slayer's sake I hope she does. She entered the field of play just a few minutes ago."

"_What_?"

"I returned just as she went in. A bit early, isn't it? You weren't to direct her to the boarding house until tomorrow."

Giles was still trying to get his mind around the fact that Buffy was in danger. Right now. When he'd left her at her house only half an hour ago.

"Her mother was taken, Quentin! She went after whatever had taken Joyce."

"Hmm. Well that is certainly an interesting twist."

"An interesting _twist_?" Faith echoed. "God do _you_ have a stick up your ass."

Rupert didn't even bother to rebuke her again. He merely broke off for the book cage. Buffy was in trouble and he was not going to stand here and argue. What happened, happened. "I don't have time for this," he muttered, though loud enough for Quentin to hear.

He sensed Faith following him. "I'm with you on that one, G," she snorted in disgust.

He opened the cage and strode in to throw open the weapons cabinet. Faith reached past him and started loading up first.

"You cannot interfere with the test," Quentin said from behind them.

Giles spun. "There is no test! However, there _is_ quite a serious vampire problem that should be taken care of." With that he turned back to the weapons and gathered a battle axe and several stakes to shove into his coat.

"I would agree to that much," Travers answered.

His blood would have run cold if it weren't already. However, he said nothing. Faith stiffened a little and glanced over at him discretely, her fist tightening around the weapon in her hand. Rupert shook his head minutely, and she gave him a _why not?_ look.

Quentin didn't seem to have noticed any of it. He was still talking, and now he was glancing about at the décor again.

"It's quite a fascinating setup you have here. I might believe it was all to accommodate Angelus seeing as he apparently returned with his soul intact, but somehow that doesn't seem right. I doubt he would spend his days in a high school library, and I doubt this establishment's superiors would be very happy if he did whether they know what he is or not."

Giles turned around slowly, the battle axe still in his hand but hanging at his side. He stepped out of the book cage and faced Travers. "If you have a point, I would appreciate it if you got to it."

Quentin stopped his observations of the library again and looked at him straight. "Come now, Rupert. Don't insult my intelligence."

"We have somewhere to be," Faith cut in coldly.

He appreciated the attempt at changing the subject, but it didn't help any. It wouldn't.

Somehow Travers knew, or at least thought he knew something, and likely it was all downhill from there.

"No, you don't," Quentin answered quickly. "Either Buffy will pass the test, or she will not."

"Meaning she will either die or she won't, and we are supposed to sit by and possibly _let_ her die," Giles snarled. He'd promised Buffy he wouldn't do this—make waves, make keeping their life here in Sunnydale less possible. But... "I cannot do that. It's ridiculous, it's cruel, and it is _wrong_. I believe it's time someone said so."

"You_ have _said so—only not before in clear insubordination."

They stared at each other for a long moment, and Giles knew Faith was tense behind him and ready for action.

Instead he started for the library doors. Whatever Travers knew, it would have to be dealt with later. Right now he had more important things on his mind.

_Buffy..._

"You can't help her, Giles. It's in direct opposition to the Council's orders."

He stopped, but he didn't turn. He gripped the axe in his hand tightly. "I don't give a rat's ass about the Council's orders." There was no reason not to say it. Running into Travers here had made it immediately impossible to prevent the Council from discovering, at the very least, his part of Watcher and Slayer's rebellion against the institution of the Cruciamentum. There would have been no way to get out of here again without him knowing what they were doing and where they were going.

Giles glanced back, and saw Faith briefly aim the crossbow she'd picked up in Quentin's direction.

"Back, off, gramps. Find someone else to boss around; we have work to do." Then she lowered the weapon again, and stormed past Giles and the rest of the way to the doors, where she pushed one open. "Let's get the hell out of here."

Rupert nodded, gave Travers one last glare, and quickly followed her out.

* * *

The boarding house was entirely dark, and it wasn't helping—neither was the fact that every entrance save the front door was somehow sealed off. Buffy supposed that would be the work of Travers and friends.

And Giles wasn't here. She'd expected him to be here, yell at her or glare and save the yelling for later, and then they would find Kralik and Blair and dust them and get her mom back. But he wasn't here yet. Maybe he really had gone to find Faith. She supposed it was good to know he'd listened to her enough to get that idea, but she knew she could use his help right about now even if she didn't really want to admit it.

Okay, she could admit it—now that she was in the dark hallway of an abandoned building being strangled by a crazy vampire. Maybe she should have stayed home like Giles asked. She was probably going to die.

All of a sudden Kralik grabbed his head and staggered back, shouting and holding his head. Buffy tried to run but he had enough presence of mind to shove her back into a wall again. Then he fumbled in his pocket and came out with a bottle of pills.

She didn't have time to think. She snatched them from him and ran.

There was a laundry chute at the end of the hallway and she dived into it. It would get her far away fast, as long as he didn't take the chute too. She didn't think he would; he seemed to be in a decent amount of pain. He needed the pills, and she didn't know why or what they were, though she figured it had something or other to do with the Council...but he was coming after them. Maybe she could use that somehow.

Buffy landed in the basement, and the voice she heard just after she hit the ground made it much easier to think thanks to the fact that the worry evaporated. Mostly.

"Buffy?"

It was her mother. "Mom!" Now that she knew Joyce was safe, she could focus on getting Kralik out of the way. Then Blair, but he would be easier.

"Buffy, we have to get out of here!" Joyce said through her gag.

Then she saw the glass and pitcher of water sitting on top of the upturned bucket nearby. And had an idea.

Quickly she pulled a bottle of holy water from the pocket of her overalls and dumped it into the glass. Then there was pounding on the door at the top of the stairs, and she was out of time. She shoved the water bottle back into her pocket and held the pill bottle in her hands as she stumbled to her feet. Her mother was watching with curiosity, but she screamed when the door above them splintered and Kralik broke through and stalked down the stairs.

"Where are they!" he demanded. "Where are they?"

Buffy made as if to run past him and up the stairs but he grabbed her and shoved her back into a wall again, taking the pills from her hands as he did so. He staggered to the pitcher of water and picked up the glass, popped several pills into his mouth and downed the water in the glass.

"Ah..."

He seemed much better now.

Hopefully not for long.

Kralik scowled at her and pointed an accusing finger though his hand was still curled around the glass. "You don't seem to understand your place in all of this," he drawled. "Do you have any idea—"

He stopped. Frowned. "Oh my," he gasped. "What have you—my pills—"

Slowly Buffy pulled the the bottle from her pocket that the holy water had been in, and his eyes went even wider. Kralik began to shake, and he was steaming from his stomach.

"No!" he cried. "No. No...!"

And he turned to dust.

Buffy grimaced, and then ran to her mother and pulled the gag off first.

The first thing Joyce said was, "Buffy, thank god you're okay." She swallowed. "Oh that man..."

Buffy knelt beside the chair her mother was tied to and tugged at the knots, but they wouldn't budge. "I can't get these," she admitted finally, sweating. "They're too tight."

As she glanced up at her mother Joyce was blinking in confusion. "Can't you just..."

She winced again. "Not right now." She stood and cast a look around the filthy basement. "Maybe there's some clippers around..."

"Oh, Buffy!"

Something brushed past her, knocking into her and nearly knocking her over, and when she caught herself and looked back she saw Blair throwing her Watcher into a bookshelf. "Giles!"

A crossbow arrow came from the direction of the stairs and buried itself in Blair's back. Buffy could tell almost before it landed that it had missed the heart, just barely. Still, the newborn vamp howled in pain and spun on his attacker—Faith, who was coming off of the stairs with the crossbow still aimed at him.

The distraction gave Giles enough time to swing up the good medium-sized battle axe he was carrying and lop the thing's head off from behind.

Blair dusted, and Buffy ran into her Watcher's arms as he dropped the axe.

"You should have stayed home," he scolded.

"Hey, you got here in time."

"Only just."

She pulled back to turn to Faith, who was now crouched beside Joyce's chair snapping the ropes off as Buffy couldn't a moment earlier. "Thank you. Both of you."

"No problem, B," Faith grunted, as she pulled the last of the ropes away. Buffy reached out to help her mother to her feet.

Giles took a glance around the dark basement. Buffy thought she saw something in his face—something that might be telling her that there was something on his mind, maybe something she might want to be concerned about...but then it was gone, and he spoke. "Shall we go?"

Joyce nodded wearily. "We shall."

He smiled a bit at that, and led the way up the stairs. They all paused near the top while he and Faith kicked the splinters and shards of the wooden door to one side. Without warning though, a figure appeared in the open doorway, there was a flash of movement, and Giles fell back with a shout. He was covering his face and he would have toppled down the stairs if Buffy and her mother hadn't caught him and Faith hadn't grabbed at him from above.

When Buffy looked closer she realized there was smoke. Holy water. "Giles! Are you okay?"

"Rupert?" Joyce echoed.

"Fine," he grated out. He let his arms drop and his face was red, but all right.

She was already looking back to the open doorway, where she saw a strange man staring down at them. If Travers was the only operative of the Watchers' Council left alive, she assumed this was he.

"Just as I thought..." he was muttering.

Buffy wanted to strangle him. But in a split second Faith had shot up the last two steps, pushed Travers back through the open doorway and pinned him roughly to the opposite wall. She had the point of the arrow in her crossbow nestled against his jugular. "Okay, I was a little ticked before but now I'm just plain _pissed off_."

Giles straightened again, got his footing, and went up a step or two. "Faith, that is not the way to handle this."

She didn't turn to look at the rest of them. She focused most of her energy on glaring at Travers. "And what else am I supposed to do?"

"Let him go," he answered quietly, as he, Buffy, and Joyce came up out of the stairwell

Travers glared right back at her. "If you release me now, I may not report this incident to the rest of the Council."

"How sweet," Faith sneered at him. But she shoved him harder into the wall and let him go. "You're not worth it anyway."

Travers steadied himself, stepped away from the wall and straightened his tie with one hand. With his other hand he pulled a smaller crossbow from behind his back—and aimed straight at Giles's chest. "I'm sorry, Rupert," he said. And he fired.

It had happened in only a second, and it was unexpected enough that the shot might have hit its mark, if Buffy hadn't just barely managed to react in time and push her Watcher out of the way. With no super-human strength the only way she had to do it was to run into him, and the arrow's tip grazed her shoulder before it took residence in the wall.

Both of them fell to the ground in a heap, and she heard her mother scream again.

"Buffy!" Giles was the one who sat up first, of course, and he was already examining the wound on her shoulder when she made it to her knees.

"I'm fine..." she mumbled. It was only a scratch. She didn't have any of her power and it still didn't hurt all that much. Her shirt was ruined, though, unless it became a sleeveless.

Faith had jerked her own crossbow up again, and she and Travers were now in a standoff. Neither of them was moving an inch.

Giles helped Buffy up, and when they were both on their feet and he'd satisfied himself that she wasn't seriously injured he turned on Travers with a sad, incredulous expression. "So it's come to that?" he asked.

"Of course it has. You know too much about the Council and its inner workings, the Slayers...everything."

"I'm not a demon, Quentin."

"I know that. Perhaps we were never friends, but I know you well enough to know that's really you in there. Somehow you have a soul just as Angelus has his—and I would wager that its somehow thanks to your Slayer and those friends of hers that you seem to care about so much—but what if something happens to it? Angelus lost his soul once, and the same could happen to you no matter how much you may know about what could do it. It's too much of a risk."

Travers was looking straight at Giles, but Buffy still felt a shiver up her spine as he continued. "With your knowledge, your mind, the demon within you could cause more damage than Angelus ever even contemplated. We can't allow that to happen."

"It won't," Buffy said quickly. "And we're looking for a way to fix the spell so there's no danger of anything happening to his soul at all. If we can find something, Angel with never be a threat again either."

"Ifs," Travers repeated. "They are exactly what we're dealing with here. The Council can't allow them. Our duty is to protect this planet, and its people."

Buffy looked at Travers, and she knew he wasn't going to let this go easily. She looked to her Watcher, expecting him to have something brilliant to say in response, but the expression on his face was unreadable. She didn't like it.

She swallowed and stepped up to Faith's side. "Give me the crossbow."

"What?"

"Just do it. I need you to get my mom home."

"But—"

"Please, Faith," she said quietly.

The other Slayer hesitated, but after a moment she gave Buffy the crossbow, being sure to keep it trained on Travers as she handed it over. Then Buffy was in place, and Faith went to Joyce Summers's side. "Let's get going."

"But...Buffy?" Joyce asked anxiously.

"I'll be fine. This guy won't hurt _me_,anyway; I'm a Slayer. Don't worry. Faith'll walk you home, and I'll be there as soon as I can, okay?" Out of the corner of her eye she saw her mother hesitate a moment more, but then leave with Faith.

Then it was just the three of them. They stood in silence for a long moment, until Travers spoke. "Even if you manage to get away for now, it won't matter. There is only one way this can end."

"With me dead, is that it?" Giles deadpanned.

"You're already dead."

"I am well aware of that."

Travers nodded. "Then you know I'm right. The Council is right. Come with me now, and we won't involve the girl."

"You won't involve her at all," Giles said sharply. "Perhaps you are right, and if it were only myself I had to be concerned with I might agree."

"Giles!"

He continued. "But it isn't. Whatever of a life I have like this is about them now—Buffy and Faith and the others."

"Hello, standing right here; holding a crossbow on the guy trying to kill you, might I add." Giles only answered with a brief squeeze of her shoulder, and Travers was still looking straight past her to him.

"Then you're saying that you refuse to cooperate?"

Buffy glowered at him. "You want to _kill_ him. What the hell kind of question is that?"

Giles only narrowed his eyes a little. "Yes. That is what I'm saying."

"We don't have to do this the hard way, Rupert."

"I believe we do."

Buffy blinked, and glanced at her Watcher for a second. He'd pretty much summed it up. She didn't even think _she_ could have come up with anything better. Simple, direct, and to the point. Not to mention wickedly snarky. _You're learning_, she thought. She couldn't help but smile a bit smugly as she looked back to Travers.

God, everything was going downhill so fast tonight.

"If _Giles_ is supposedly such a threat then why haven't you sent someone to kill Angel? Huh? We already know he's just as dangerous without a soul."

"I believe I just went over that. Besides that, Angelus is not under our direct jurisdiction. It is _your_ duty to keep him in check. Rupert Giles, however, _is_ our responsibility, as any Watcher would be."

"It probably doesn't help that it just looks bad, having a vampire as a Watcher. Well guess what? I don't care. He's _my_ Watcher, and I plan to keep him."

"He isn't your Watcher anymore. Even if he were still human, we would have relieved him of his duties."

"On what grounds?" Giles questioned.

"Your affection for your charge has rendered you incapable of clear and impartial judgment. You have a father's love for the child, and that is useless to the cause."

Buffy swallowed hard, because suddenly there was a lump in her throat. "You would have fired him for that?" She wasn't sure if it was parental—she didn't know _what_ it was—but she knew Giles loved her. She'd known that for a while now, and she knew she loved him too. What with the Watcher/Slayer relationship being rather unprecedented in the context of the rest of the world, it defied categorization, but she knew it was there. "That isn't fair."

"We're not in the business of fair, Miss Summers. We're fighting a war."

"You're waging a war; _she's_ fighting it. There is a difference," Giles shot back.

"Translation: Bite me," Buffy said shortly.

"That isn't the point here. The matter at hand is that Rupert Giles is now a threat that cannot be allowed to continue."

"Oh shove it—"

"Buffy."

She winced, but she shut up. For a moment. "Fine. We know what you want and we're not going to let you have it. Is there really anything else we need to say to each other?" Neither of the men answered, and Buffy nodded once. "Good."

Then she pulled the crossbow over and down a bit, and shot Quentin Travers in the arm. He shouted, but before he could really react she'd kicked his own crossbow out of his hands. Just because she didn't have her strength didn't mean she'd forgotten her training.

"Buffy, what are you going!" Giles shouted.

"Go!" She bent to scoop up Travers's crossbow before he could. "Get to the car!" Giles hesitated, but when she straightened and pushed at him he went, and they scrambled out of the boarding house together.

Travers staggered after them, but he was soon out of sight. "You can't run forever, Giles! You know how far the Council's influence spreads!"

Then Buffy slammed the front door, and they were outside. They ran to Giles's car and jumped in, but Giles paused and glanced back at the building before pulling away.

"What are you doing? Go!"

He did, pealing out as quickly as the poor old car would let him, and once they were on the road they were silent at first. It was earlier tonight all over again. Soon she didn't recognize where they were anymore, or maybe she would have if she'd looked closer, but she didn't care. She didn't think Giles really knew where they were going either. He was just driving.

"What now?" Buffy whispered finally. She felt cold as she went over everything that had just happened—when she realized what it could mean. "What...what do we do?"

"There _is_ nothing we can do," he answered quietly. "The Council knows now, and they've made their decision. Unfortunately, it's the one I'd feared most.

And he'd warned her. He had, from the beginning. She just hadn't wanted to think about any of it becoming reality.

"How did he even know? We were so careful."

"I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but apparently it wasn't enough. I suppose I'm not exactly surprised; he _is_ every bit as highly trained as I am..."

"Whatever," she said quickly, cutting him off. Now that she thought about it, she really didn't want to hear about where they might have gone wrong. She wanted to fix this. "How do we get to the Council? How do we get them to change their mind?"

Giles grimaced. "We don't, because they won't. Actually, I'm afraid they're right."

Buffy glared at him. "We're not going there."

He didn't answer her—only stared grimly out the windshield.

"You shouldn't have shot him," he said finally.

"He was trying to kill you and you're going to rag me about _that_?" At least some things never changed. "He deserved it."

"Buffy..."

"It'll slow him down. We need to get you somewhere safe, and then I'll have to come back and make sure he gets out of town—out of the country, preferably."

"Not on your own you aren't."

"Giles, it defeats the purpose of finding somewhere safe for you if you don't stay there."

"Well why on earth do I need to be somewhere safe at all?"

"Hello? Retarded British guy trying to kill you?"

"He's on his own for now; he hardly poses much of a threat. Until he has back-up there isn't any reason to hide. Even then, I am certainly not helpless."

She swallowed. "Sure there's a reason. I want you safe."

He glanced at her knowingly. "I wanted _you _safe, but you didn't listen to _me_, now did you?"

Buffy looked at him for a long moment. "Please?" She just wanted to cry but she swallowed it all back and gave him the pouty face he usually couldn't say no to instead.

It worked as well as it always had.

"Where on earth would we go?" he asked finally.

"Go to the mansion."

Giles looked at her sharply.

"Maybe the Council's heard about it, but they don't know where it is, right?"

"I suppose, but..."

"There _is_ nowhere else. Suck it up. Go to the mansion or _I'm_ driving."

He scowled silently, but he headed in that direction, though Buffy immediately felt badly for the way she'd talked to him.

_Your affection for your charge has rendered you incapable of clear and impartial judgment. You have a father's love for the child, and that is useless to the cause._

She had to swallow again, several times, or she would have cried. That wouldn't help anything right now. Instead she slumped back against the passenger-side door and huddled there. "You never answered the question," she whispered after a while. "What happens now?"

For a long moment he didn't answer that, either. "I don't know," he admitted finally.

"There's a whole lot you don't know," Buffy said, though not unkindly.

"Have you only just learned that?"

She sobbed once, before she could stop herself. She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, and when she spoke her voice was very, very small. "Giles, we have to fix this. I can't lose you."

Giles made a small noise she couldn't quite identify, and for the longest time his focus on the road was rather obviously pointed in the other direction no matter how much he tried to make it look natural. She didn't think people driving usually blinked so much, either. As a general rule.

Eventually, reluctantly, he spoke again. "I've told you...I don't know that we can."

"We will," she said, though not quite as firmly as she'd wanted to.

* * *

Giles went in the back way and pulled up behind the mansion, parking in a stand of trees where the car wouldn't be easily seen. Buffy jumped out immediately and headed for the door without a word.

"Buffy?" he asked as he climbed out. She hadn't said anything for a while, and he was beginning to worry. That on top of the crushing feeling in his chest that had long since joined the sinking feeling in his stomach back at the boarding house. He followed her to the back doors, where she knocked and then stood with her arms crossed.

He came to her side tentatively. "Buffy?"

She didn't answer, and then Angel opened the door.

"Buffy." He blinked and frowned. "You didn't have to knock. You never—" He cut off when he saw Giles. "Oh."

"Can we come in?" Buffy asked shortly. Angel nodded in bewilderment, and she cut past him into the main room of the mansion. "Come on, Giles."

He glanced at Angel, who nodded him inside. He went, and Angel closed the door behind them.

"What happened?" he asked, looking at Buffy. "You're hurt."

Her arms were already crossed again. "Long story incredibly short, the Council knows about Giles now."

"What? How?"

"Some of them were in town," she said coolly.

Angel blinked. "What?" he repeated. He paused a moment. "Don't tell me—"

He stopped, and Buffy frowned. "So what, you knew too?"

"W-well, I..."

"No, it's fine. Of course it's fine. Everybody knew except me; I've got it now. Sure, I still found out before it happened, but everyone _else_ knew before_ I _did. You _all_ know. What's with the knowing?"

Angel winced. "I've been around a while."

"And you didn't warn me _why_?"

"I just...I didn't think Giles would..." He grimaced and looked away. "If it was going to happen it should have been tomorrow. I wouldn't have let anything happen to you."

Giles looked away too, feeling the guilt all over again. He knew that if he'd protested the Cruciamentum much, much sooner...preferably when he was still human and had a bit more leverage with the Council...perhaps none of this would have happened. They wouldn't be in this horrible of a no-win situation.

He knew Buffy was angry, and he knew that even if she said it wasn't that at least some of that anger was directed at him. So he didn't expect her to defend him. Not in front of Angel, at least not right now. But she did.

"He didn't _want_ to do it," she said. Giles glanced back and her expression had softened a bit. "He told me about it, and he told me I didn't have to do it. But we didn't need to give the Council any reason to be on our backs about anything, because we were afraid _this_ would happen...so we played along."

"You _played along_? You could have been killed!"

"_I_ would not have let anything happen to her, either," Giles said quickly.

Angel looked at him , winced again, and swallowed. "No, I mean...of course not. Right."

"Guys, we need to play nice here. We've already got the Council after Giles, and—"

"_After_ him?" He looked at Giles. "Don't they know you're...you?"

Rupert nodded wearily. "They don't seem to care overly much."

Angel was quiet for a moment. "I'm sorry..."

Silence again. They weren't going to get anywhere this way.

"So what's the plan?" Angel asked finally.

"I find Travers, and I make him leave town if he hasn't already. We can go from there, but I know I want him gone. I'll feel a lot better when he's not lurking around trying to dust my Watcher."

Giles didn't want to, but he had to say something to that. "Even if he leaves, the Council will send someone else—likely _many_ more."

"But getting this Travers guy out of our way for now will buy us some time, and what part of 'we can go from there' didn't you understand?"

"Buffy, you aren't thinking clearly..."

"You told me that earlier tonight and I still managed to off Kralik on my own."

Angel interrupted. "Still, you shouldn't be going _anywhere_ on your own if you don't have your power. You don't, do you?"

"I don't, but it doesn't matter. We're talking about a man here, not a vampire. We're on an even playing field." She looked at Giles. "And what I told Mom earlier? I'm right. He's not going to hurt me. You or Angel he obviously wouldn't hesitate to take a shot at though, and I don't want to risk any luck on his part. That's why the both of you should _stay here_, and let me see what I can do."

Rupert frowned and reached toward Buffy's forehead where there was a nasty gash across one side. The blood had barely avoided dripping into her eye. He was looking at her shoulder again, too. "You should have this seen about before you do anything."

She jerked away a bit. "I'm fine. I can get them cleaned up at home." She looked back and forth between them. "I have to go home anyway; I told Mom I'd be there as soon as I could."

He thought a moment. "Then go home, by all means, but perhaps you should wait until morning before taking any other action."

"Are you kidding? Wasting time is the _last _thing I need to do. We can't let him call in the cavalry," she protested.

"Whoever this guy is, he isn't the only thing out there, Buffy," Angel countered. "There could be other vampires out tonight."

"So I'll take Faith. If she's not at the house when I get there, I'll find her again."

"There's still the getting home in the first place."

"I think I can get home by myself! God, for the amount of tension between you two could you _be_ any more alike?"

That silenced them, and Buffy let out a breath and headed for the door. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? But I need to do this, and before I do anything I need to let my Mom know I'm okay." She paused with a hand on the doorknob and glanced back at them. "Okay?" Giles found himself exchanging a defeated glance with Angel before he looked to his Slayer again. "Stay here?" she repeated. "Please?"

He nodded, reluctantly, as Angel muttered an affirmative. "Don't forget to have those wounds seen about."

"I'm sorry I don't have anything here for that," Angel put in.

"It's fine. What with me being me there's plenty of first-aid paraphernalia at home." She locked eyes with Giles. "I'll fix this."

Then she was gone.

"For god's sake do be careful!" he called after her, going quickly to the door to watch her go. When she was out of sight he closed it and stood there for a long while, looking absently through the glass.

"She doesn't understand that she _can't_ fix this, does she?" Angel asked from behind him.

Rupert shook his head slowly. "I'm afraid she'll have to discover that for herself."

It was quiet for a moment. "She's always been stubborn. She wants her own way. She was like that, even before she was called."

Giles turned, frowning. "How do you know that?"

Angel paced away from him, but he answered. "I uhm...I saw her, before. It's hard to explain how I knew who she was, or would be, but...I don't know. The Powers sent someone to show her to me. I watched her, and I knew they wanted me to help her. I knew I _had_ to help her." He glanced back for a moment. "She was so different then...and yet she's always been herself." He paused. "I saw her then, and I loved her. I've always loved her. I thought...maybe you should know that."

Rupert blinked, and swallowed. He didn't say anything. The notion that Angel had known his Slayer longer than he had made him feel strangely jealous, even if Buffy hadn't known that the knowing was there.

As much as he didn't enjoy the other vampire's company, however...it was also strangely comforting to know how strongly he cared for her, and how long he had. Giles shoved his hands into his pockets and turned back to the glass doors to look out again, at the moon and the stars, and wondered how soon he would be out under them with nowhere to go.

He wanted Buffy here. He didn't want her out there, where she could be hurt, and where he couldn't be certain that she was safe. She was right; Quentin wouldn't hurt her, but...he wanted her here because he knew that without a miracle, he wouldn't _be_ here for her for much longer. At least not for a while. He wanted there to be another solution, but running seemed to be the only option.

Staying alive and having the chance of being here for Buffy and others in the unforeseen future was better than being gone forever and having no chance at all.

* * *

Buffy hurried in through the back door of her house, and found her mother and Faith there in the kitchen.

"Buffy!" Joyce locked her daughter in her arms immediately. "Thank god."

"Mom, I told you I'd be fine..."

Faith hopped from her stool. "How's G?"

"Safe, for now," she answered as he mother finally let go of her. "As safe as he's going to be in this town, anyway. We have to find Travers."

"Why do you think I was waitin' around here?"

Buffy smiled thankfully. "Good." She was about to head out again, but then remembered the gashes on her shoulder and forehead. She would have gone upstairs to do it herself, but Joyce insisted on helping her clean them. They got a bandage around her shoulder and a good piece of gauze taped over the head wound, and Buffy was in the process of changing into a different shirt under her overalls while her mother had protective fits.

"If you really must go anywhere else tonight, please be careful," Joyce pleaded. "Do you have to? I don't understand why you don't have your powers. Will you be all right out there without them?"

"I'll have Faith with me. And I promise that I'll explain everything—later. Right now we have an emergency on our hands."

Both of them were silent as Buffy stood, and Joyce gathered up the first aid supplies. "What's going to happen?" she asked. "Now that this...Council knows what's happened to Mr. Giles?"

"I wish I knew," she said quietly. "Nothing, if I have anything to say about it. Usually I do, but...I don't know this time."

Her mother set the first aid kit on the sink and hugged her again. "Oh, Buffy...I wish there were something I could do."

She sighed and just held just on for a moment. "You're doing it, Mom," she answered quietly.

Then Faith called from downstairs. "We got company, B!"

Buffy let go and flew down the stairs, nearly tripping in the process. Damn missing coordination...

She all but fell off the bottom step and skidded to a stop by her fellow Slayer near the front door. "What is it?"

"Travers—out in the yard tryin' to make sneaky. He doesn't know I saw him."

"Damnit..." She went to the kitchen table and picked up the crossbow that she'd taken from Giles's car on the way here. Then she handed it to Faith. "I'll get mine from upstairs. Keep an eye on him." Faith nodded and moved to the window, and Buffy headed up to her room as her mother was coming down the stairs.

"What is it?"

"Our friend from the boarding house."

In only a moment she was back downstairs with her own crossbow, and Faith looked at her.

"What you thinkin'? One of us out the back, one out the front, and we cut him off?"

Buffy nodded. "Sounds like a plan if I ever heard one. I'll take the front. I'll confront him. You go out the back and cut off his exit."

Faith smirked in agreement and hefted her crossbow. "Gladly."

"We can't kill him."

"Never said I was gonna kill him."

Joyce hovered anxiously at the edge of the room. "I don't like this..."

Buffy notched a bolt in her bow. "I don't like it, either," she said darkly. "So I'm putting an end to it, right now."

Faith went for the back door, and Buffy for the front. The anger was boiling hot in her chest, and she gripped the crossbow hard as she reached for the door handle. She wanted to rip the door open and march out there now, but she had to give Faith time to get around the house.

It wasn't going to end this way. Giles wasn't going anywhere—and for damn sure not to hide from the people he'd worked for most of his life. If she had to_ beat _sense into them, she would. Or she wanted to, at least.

When she'd counted to the agreed-upon number, Buffy stormed out onto the porch and aimed in the direction of the bushes and tree that Faith had pointed out as Travers's hiding place.

"He's not here, _Quentin_. Come out." There was no response, but as she looked closer she saw him. "I'm not stupid. I see you, now get the hell out of my bushes." He did, slowly. This time he had a full-sized crossbow, which he had obviously picked up from a stash somewhere. He was no longer wearing his jacket, and his arm was haphazardly bandaged. "What do you want?" she demanded.

"I'm only trying to do the right thing, Miss Summers."

"If you wanted to do the right thing you'd leave us alone here. We were doing just fine, thanks."

"Did you hear nothing I said back at the boarding house? Rupert Giles is a _vampire_; the demon inside him—"

"Is not in control, and it won't be. If I believed any of the kind of crap you threw out back there we never would have brought Giles back and I would have killed Angel again a long time ago."

Travers sighed. "I assure you, Miss Summers, that I don't like this any more than you do."

"Oh really?" she retorted. "Because you really seem to."

"I don't. I wish to god there were another choice."

"There is. Stop trying to kill him."

"I'm afraid the risk is too great."

Buffy fired. She pulled to the side again on purpose, and it grazed his hand and arm, and he cried out and dropped the crossbow. Pretty good for a temporarily normal girl with no coordination. Quickly she jumped off the porch and kicked the other crossbow away. She was the only one with a weapon now, and he knew that wasn't a good thing with her in her current mood. Travers took a step back and turned as if to run, but then Faith was behind him.

"Oh, I don't think so," she smirked.

Travers spun back on Buffy. "Both of you will be in a great deal of trouble when the Council—"

"And what can the Council do to us?" Buffy glared.

"You don't know what you're dealing with; either of you. You wouldn't be doing this if you did."

"Been there, heard that, threw the t-shirt _away_," Faith growled. "Get over yourself."

Buffy looked down the crossbow at him. "After everything Giles has done for us, for this town, for the world and your _cause_, this is how you repay him? You know this is wrong. Just call it the hell off before this gets ugly."

"It _will_ get ugly," Travers promised. "I can't simply stop this. Not on my own, not even if I wanted to. It's the Council's decision."

"Thank you for that slip of the tongue that lets me _hate you more_." At his look she glowered at him. "You don't _want_ to stop this," she reminded him. "You just said so yourself."

"That isn't what I meant—"

"Then prove it! Do something about it!"

"I can't."

"Bull." She fired again, but missed completely—though she'd done that on purpose. Travers glanced back to see the bolt bury itself in a tree in the next yard. Then he glared at her again. "Thanks to the Council's little test my aim isn't so great right now. I don't want to kill you, but who knows what'll happen?"

He went red-faced. "You—"

"Have you called anyone yet? Are they coming?" He opened his mouth, and Buffy quickly added, "I wouldn't lie to me right now if I were you."

He was quiet for a long moment, glaring, but finally he answered. "I haven't spoken to the rest of the Council since earlier today."

"Then they don't know you've confirmed anything." He nodded reluctantly. "That doesn't answer the question though. Is anyone else on their way already?"

"No," he admitted grudgingly.

"Good. They won't be, because you're not calling them. Right now you're getting on a plane and going back where you came from."

"You can't know I won't tell them when I arrive."

"No, but I can know I'll have at least a few days before any of you end up back here."

Travers was silent again. Finally he spoke, and she wondered if maybe he really did care, just a little. "If you want Giles to live, I would suggest that he leave town before the new Watcher returns with a team."

"Thanks for the advice," she shot back, heavy on the sarcasm. Then she fell silent for a moment, and something occurred to her that she knew she should have thought of before. Then she was serious. "Don't bother. We're done."

"What?"

"We're _done_. I'm through even_ pretending _to take orders from the Council. I don't work for you anymore."

"You can't do that."

"I just did. Now I don't need a new Watcher, and that solves my problem just fine."

"You aren't the only Slayer here, Miss Summers."

Faith snorted. "So? If it's that easy then I'm with her; I quit right the hell now. I don't need anyone else either. I'm gettin' the feeling Diana Dormer and Giles here were the cream of the crop when it comes to you guys."

Travers glared back and forth between the two of them. "You know we'll have to send someone anyway."

The hope evaporated. "Why?"

"You know why."

Buffy swallowed. "Giles." She paused. "You're not going to stop looking for him, are you? Even if he does leave town."

Travers's silence was the only answer she needed. The Council was bigger than her, and bigger than Giles...than any of them. It wasn't going to stop. It wasn't something they could fight. Faith shoved Travers toward the only car parked on the street. It was a ways down and obviously the one he'd come in, and Buffy followed silently. A hopeless, squeezing feeling gripped her chest, and she couldn't push it away.

_It can't end like this..._

* * *

It was awkward enough being anywhere near Angel for any length of time, but it was worse that it was here...where everything had happened. It didn't help that neither of them had anything else to say and they were both left worrying for Buffy.

They tried to stay put as she'd asked them to. They really did. But after an hour or more of pacing opposing ends of the main room of the mansion, they had both had enough. Strangely enough they didn't need to speak to agree that they were leaving. Giles was still near the side doors, and when he opened one Angel silently followed him out. They only thing they said to each other was to agree to split up to search for Buffy and Faith and Travers. Angel would head in the direction of the Summers home, and Giles would go back to the boarding house.

He found nothing at the old boarding house but the remains of the fight and the remnants of the measures Travers and Hobson and Blair had taken to seal up the building. He would have looked elsewhere if his watch hadn't warned him that sunrise was coming. Reluctantly, still worried, he headed back to the mansion and ran into Angel outside.

"Nothing?" he asked.

"Not exactly. I didn't see any of them, but Buffy's mother told me that Travers guy was at their house. Buffy and Faith left with him, and she said they seemed pretty in charge of the situation, but she didn't know where they went."

"I see..." Rupert trailed off for a moment. "Joyce spoke to you?" he asked then.

Angel winced. "Yeah. She didn't let me in, but she talked to me. I guess she at least believes that I'm...me again, for lack of a better way to put it, but she's not willing to take any chances. I don't blame her."

"I don't either."

"_What_ are you two doing out here? The sun'll be up any minute."

They both twisted to find Buffy a few feet away, arms crossed and glaring. She'd cleaned up, changed her torn shirt, and her wounds had been seen to. She looked much better than she had the last time Giles had seen her, though still tired, but needless to say the sight was a welcome one anyway.

"Buffy." It came out at the same moment Angel said her name as well, and he and the other vampire exchanged a glance.

"Yeah," she sighed. "Me. Come on; let's get inside."

They went, and when they were in Angel closed the side doors and shut the black curtains over them. By then the sky was already more gray than black outside.

"You didn't stay here," Buffy observed immediately.

"Well, we were worried—" Giles began.

Angel added, "We couldn't just—"

"You didn't stay at home, either."

She held up a hand. "No, just...don't worry about it. You're both okay, so...yeah. I guess we're just even on stupidity for tonight." Her tone was quiet, defeated, and Rupert didn't like it at all.

"Buffy, what happened?" he asked.

The Slayer trudged to the couch and dropped onto it. "Travers was at the house, but Faith had stayed so I had help. We ambushed him, took him to the airport and made sure he got on a plane. He hadn't called for any backup yet and we didn't let him, so we've got that time I thought we'd have." She rubbed at her temples. "But it looks like that's _all_ we've got."

Angel hung back a bit, though he was still there and listening and concerned, while Giles went to sit beside her. He didn't prod her to explain, but waited for her to be ready. She was quiet for a long while, as she sunk into the gray couch cushions at her back.

"You're definitely fired," she said finally. "They were going to send someone else. So I told him not to worry about it. I told him I'm not taking orders from the Council anymore. I quit."

Rupert blinked. "You...what?"

"I quit—not the kind of quit where I don't slay, but the kind of quit where I don't work for them anymore. Faith too."

"But...Buffy, what if you need their help in the future? I'm not so certain it's a good idea to break all ties—"

"It's done. It's done, and I'm glad I did it, but it didn't help much. They're sending someone here anyway. At least one person, maybe more. He said they can't just...you know..."

His eyebrows went up, and as he realized what she meant Giles sat back too. "Because of me. They want to keep someone in Sunnydale to watch for me. In case I return."

Buffy's voice was thick when she spoke again. "Because you have to leave, or they'll kill you." Her hands went over her face, and she sobbed quietly and bent over her knees. He thought she was going to cry, and he didn't blame her. He wanted to cry himself. But he swallowed back the lump in his throat instead and rested a hand on her shoulder.

Then she jerked away and stood up. "No," she said, spinning to look at him. "No, damnit! This is wrong! They can't just...just...run you out of your own home, hunt you like an animal..." She choked back another sob. "That's what this is going to turn into. You know that, don't you?"

He knew it. He'd known it since the moment he walked in on Quentin in the library, really, but he'd hoped he was wrong. All he could do was nod wearily.

"What? You don't have anything to say to that? Are you _okay_ with that?" she questioned angrily.

"_No_. God, Buffy, of course not. I want to be _here_, for you, and Willow and Xander and the others. But what do you expect me to do? What do you want me to say?" he answered helplessly.

"Fix it!" she shouted. "Don't give up!"

"Buffy..." Angel began, from behind the couch where he'd stayed. He was trying to help, and Giles knew that, but this was between himself and Buffy. He stood and glanced back at the other vampire just as Buffy looked at him too, and Angel seemed to get the message and retreated to elsewhere within the mansion.

When he was gone and Rupert looked back to his Slayer she was breathing hard, and her fists were clenched tight, and he didn't know if she was just that angry now or if she really was going to cry. He only knew that he hated to see her this upset.

"Buffy, please..." he said gently.

"Please what? Be okay with this? You can't just leave me! How could I be okay with this!"

"I don't expect you to be," he said as he took her arms. He meant it to be comforting, but she fought him like she had back at her house. She struggled, and she hit him, but he didn't let her go, and he kept talking. "I never wanted this any more than you! I do not _want_ to go _anywhere_!"

"Then do some about it!"

"Do what! These are not vampires or demons or something else we can fight, Buffy. This is the Council. They're human."

"I know that!" she snapped. "I know that..." Buffy stopped fighting and pushed away from him, and he let go when she tried to shake his hands away.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly.

"We have to change their minds," she said weakly.

"Perhaps we can, at some point in the future."

"But...how long?"

Giles swallowed. "I don't know."

She wrapped her arms around herself and sobbed again. Finally she really looked him in the eyes. "So that's it?" she asked tearfully. "It's over? You're leaving?"

"I..." How was he supposed to answer that? "I don't have to. I could stay."

"But...they would kill you," she whispered.

He shrugged a bit and looked away briefly, though he knew she was wide-eyed and staring at him now. "Perhaps not." Not at first. They would find him, eventually, no matter where in Sunnydale he hid...but if she wanted him to stay he wasn't going to leave.

For a moment she just continued to stare. "No...you can't," she said quietly, as if only just realizing it now. Perhaps she was. "You c-can't stay here. It isn't safe. You have to go..." She sobbed. "You have to leave."

Then she was crying, and Rupert pulled her into his arms and held onto her. He started to tell her again that he was sorry, but as she held onto him tightly in return and sobbed into his shoulder he knew it wouldn't help. She knew he was sorry. She also knew that they couldn't change this. Not now.

So Giles held her, and he let her cry, and this time—as long as they were silent—he didn't blink back his own tears when they came.


	27. Chapter 27

Wow. I'm really sorry ya'll. Yes, I realize how long it's been. Again, I'm sorry, but there wasn't much choice. I started college, and now the whole first quarter is over and...well, anyway, I spent the entire first quarter trying to figure out the time-management thing. I have all of the school stuff down, and the grades turned out ok, but I'm still trying to figure out how to get writing in there. Reading, too. Ugh. Anyway, I hve certainly not bandonedthis sory or my other Buffy one! Hopefully I can get the other one updated during this break too, and maybe even another chapter of this one. And hopeflly this next quarter I'll be able to work out my time better.

So Anyway, heres a chapter for ya'll, finally, thank goodness. I hope you enjoy it, and please do review if you're still out there! Lol. :) Thanks for the patience you guys! Don't give up on me!

Chapter 27

It didn't take long before Buffy couldn't stay on her feet anymore—whether it was exhaustion alone or a combination of things, her knees buckled and Giles gently picked her up and brought her back to the couch, and sat beside her again. She settled against his shoulder and for a while after that she stayed there, sniffing sometimes or shuddering from the aftershocks of her sobs. He kept an arm around her shoulders to let her know that he was there, and that he wasn't going anywhere right this moment, and that at least for tonight...or today now, really...he would be here for her as long as she needed him.

She seemed to get that message, and soon enough she'd fallen asleep there.

Rupert swallowed and stood again when he realized she was out, and he pulled her legs up onto the couch and slid one of the pillows under her head. He meant to look for a blanket, too, but when he turned to do it Angel was standing behind him, holding a folded one out. Giles looked at him for a moment, trying to decide if he was surprised. When he nodded in thanks and took the blanket to unfold it and spread it over his Slayer, he reluctantly decided that he wasn't.

* * *

When Buffy woke she didn't know where she was. It took a moment for everything to come back, and as she sat up slowly on the chalk-gray cushions of the couch at the mansion she tried to reason out how long she'd been asleep to keep from feeling too much of the heaviness in her chest. Part of her almost expected to find herself alone—for Angel to come in and find her awake and tell her that Giles had already left, to make it 'easier' or something ridiculous like that.

With that thought striking sudden terror through her, Buffy looked around quickly and only relaxed when her eyes fell on the figure by the nearby fireplace. Giles was there, his jacket off now and his vest unbuttoned, with an arm resting on the mantlepiece as he stared absently into the flames that had been kindled for her benefit. She realized a blanket had been draped over her as well. She wondered how fierce had been the battle for which had been the one of them to put it there.

Though the other half of 'them' was nowhere to be seen. Angel was not in sight, but that didn't have to mean anything at all. The mansion was large.

Buffy pulled the blanket around her and brought it as she stood. The movement made Giles glance up and over at her, and he smiled gently. The clock above him on the mantle told her that she had slept to mid-afternoon already.

"I'm missing school," she said suddenly, half-thoughtful and half playfully accusatory.

"After the events of last night, I thought you deserved your rest."

"Even if I had to miss school to get it?"

"In this case, I think missing school once can be excused."

A faint smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. "_You_ are condoning skipping?"

"Of course not," Giles shot back indignantly. "Staying home when one is ill is hardly skipping, Buffy."

"Ah, but I'm not ill and I am not at home."

"You were exhausted and injured, and you know what I meant," he said tiredly. "And I hardly think you mind being absent."

Buffy shrugged and went to his side. "No, but I have to pick on you. It's my job." With that she felt silent, and so did he. Finally she swallowed and dared to ask the question to which she knew she didn't want the answer. "It wasn't a dream, was it?"

Giles shook his head and looked at her apologetically. "No...I'm afraid it wasn't."

She managed to node bravely. "Of course not. Then it wouldn't be my life." She hesitated. "How long do you think we have?"

He shrugged, and the arm on the mantle dropped to his side where he shoved his hands into his pockets. "At least a few days. I suppose I could even go back to my apartment tonight, if Quentin is on his way home. It will take the Council a few days at the very least to determine who to send here, though they are notorious for taking much longer than they should. However, I don't believe it would be wise to take chances. Under the circumstances I doubt they would warn you before whoever-it-is makes their appearance."

"That's what I was thinking," Buffy answered glumly. She turned around and went back to perch on the edge of the couch. Giles followed her, and sat beside her. "How will you live?" she asked after a moment. "I mean...you don't have a job now, or anything..." That much was certain. Even without Travers around, Giles was most definitely finished working at Sunnydale High as well as through being employed by the Watchers' Council. He had not gone to work today, and he would not be there Monday.

Everything was over, everything was changing—again—and Buffy had to admit at least to herself that she was scared. She hadn't been this scared since she'd pushed that curtain back eight months ago and seen her Watcher dead on the floor.

"I don't need much—not anymore," he reminded her.

"Yeah, but you do need one thing, and a roof over your head would be nice too. I don't want to think about you hiding in the shadows like some criminal! And I know you're good at saving or whatever and you've probably got plenty of money to last for a while, but what good is it if you can't get to it? Won't they do something cliché like freeze your accounts or something? I really hate it, but they could do that, couldn't they?"

"Yes, and more than likely it will be done the moment Quentin makes it back to the Council. However, there isn't much in them to freeze. Over the past few months I've moved much of what was in them into other accounts under other names. I do know a few of the Council's tricks, and I believe I've succeeded in avoiding any chance they might be able to trace the activity."

"But...didn't they notice you were transferring it all somewhere? Wouldn't that have made them suspicious?"

Giles shrugged. "Simply because they have the power does not mean they really do keep tabs on everything. In fact, they usually don't. They have no reason to. Of course they will notice now, but it doesn't much matter anymore."

Buffy blinked. "No...I guess it doesn't. God, you thought of everything, didn't you?"

"Unfortunately, it appears I needed to."

"You played protect-the-kids again. You didn't tell me. Us. I'm still too tired to be annoyed about that. I guess I'm just glad you'll be okay."

He winced, but he did not apologize. He didn't need to.

Buffy sighed and stood again when she caught a glimpse of the clock, and this time she left the blanket behind. "I should get to the school and catch the gang coming out. I guess I'll have to bring them here, since you can't get home before sundown. Either way, they need to know what's going on."

Giles nodded and got up as well. "You're right," he said, but the pain on his face was clearer than it often was. He didn't want to tell the others any more than she did. She was sure that neither of them really wanted this to be more painfully real than it already was now that _they_ knew. If Willow and Xander and Oz knew, that made it more true. It made it worse.

But they had to know.

She was quiet for a moment, looking for an excuse to change the subject. "Where's Angel?" Buffy asked finally.

"He's about somewhere; I-I'm not certain."

"It's okay. I'll find him." She moved off before she couldn't—before she gave in to her selfish impulses and stayed here with Giles by herself without telling the others a thing. She was all too aware that they might not have many more chances for quite a while to spend any sort of time together at all. If she thought about it she couldn't breathe, and she felt guilty about all of this though she couldn't pinpoint why. Still, she knew it would be worse if her Watcher's death hadn't led all of them to pay more attention to him in recent months. Then again, if Rupert Giles had never died this wouldn't be happening.

She fled the room before she could think too hard, and found Angel in the back, in his bedroom. It was the middle of the day and he should have been asleep, but he wasn't. He was lying on his bed, but he was on his back atop the untouched covers as he stared at the ceiling, hands behind his head.

"Hey."

He glanced over as he sat up quickly. "Buffy. Hi...how are you feeling?"

"A little bit less like I was run over," she answered, offering him a smile as she came to perch on the edge of the bed. "What about you?" Then she was all seriousness again. "You're hiding."

"I'm not—"

"You're hiding."

Angel frowned, trying to figure out what to say to that. "I was staying out of the way. What else was I supposed to do?" He looked away. "I can't help with this."

She let out a breath. "You're wrong. No, you couldn't help back there—I needed Giles back there, and yes I am already completely embarrassed about the losing it part—"

"Don't be," he put in quietly.

"But _anyway_, it's not true that you can't help. Maybe you can help us figure out how to fix this. And until then, if Giles—" She stopped, stumbling over the thought again. "If Giles isn't going be here," she forced out, "then I...I'm going to need you. Without Giles, you're the closest we've got to a resident expert."

He thought about that for a moment. "I don't know, Buffy...you know I can't fill those shoes. Even if I tried to do what I could, it would mean seeing you and others a whole lot more, and there are reasons we decided that wasn't a good idea. Have we decided we were wrong yet? We haven't really talked about it since—"

"Since Christmas. I know," Buffy answered quietly. "I'm sorry things have been so up in the air since then; I was avoiding talking about it just as much as you probably were." She was quiet for a long moment. "It might not be the best idea, but I think everything that happened last night made the decision for us. I have to think about the gang, and keeping them and the rest of Sunnydale safe. If we're not going to have Giles, we could really use your help. Think about it."

"Buffy...I have thought about it. Thanks to you and whatever caused that snow storm Christmas morning I guess I'm past the point of just wishing I were dead again. Maybe there's a point to being back. Maybe I could even be meant for something. But...maybe it's not here. Maybe it would be better if I left Sunnydale. Or if I don't, maybe we really should stay away from each other."

She stared at him incredulously, and when she thought about the possibility of losing both Angel and Giles at once she really did feel like the air had been sucked out of the room.

Then she was angry again.

Buffy stood quickly. Suddenly she felt dizzy, and her vision was fading out around the edges.

"Buffy..."

"No," she said sharply. "It's fine. Maybe you're right. But if you don't plan on seeing me, don't stay here. Either you're in, or you're out. Stay here and help us, or get the hell out of here and stay out. If you're going to be here I need you _here_, not floating around the edges likes you're so fond of doing."

Angel winced.

"You heard me." Instead if staring angrily at the wall she really looked at him again now, her glare boring into him—or so she hoped. "So make up your mind, but you'd better be damned sure you know what you're doing either way."

Buffy left before he could respond.

* * *

Angel loved Buffy. Giles knew that, no matter how much he sometimes might not want to. It was the only thing they had in common, beyond the obvious, but it was almost disturbing how that one small thing—or not-so-small thing—could bring them to understand each other so much more than either of them likely wanted.

Maybe that was why he didn't really have to say anything when Angel wandered back into the main room later that afternoon, while he was waiting for Buffy to return with the others. Giles looked up and caught his eyes, and Angel slowly made his way closer and stopped. He opened his mouth for a moment, but then shut it again and shoved his hands into his pockets, not quite looking at Giles.

Rupert had to gather his thoughts before he could speak. He wanted to say what he needed to say, and he wanted to say it right—not because Angel deserved that, but because it would bother him if he didn't. It wasn't about Angel. It wasn't even about him anymore. It was about Buffy now.

"I know that it wasn't you," he said finally, quietly. He didn't have to go into detail. When he said it he couldn't look at Angel any more than Angel was looking at him, but if both of them were going to play it that way it didn't matter so much.

He saw Angel wince. "Look, you don't have to pretend like that really matters to you. I know it doesn't."

"You're wrong. It does matter. Perhaps I have a hard time making myself feel it, but I know it. I understand it. As a Watcher I understand it perhaps better than anyone. It is one of only two reasons why I haven't killed you."

Angel blinked. "The other reason being?" he asked stiffly.

Giles looked at him for a moment. "Because Buffy loves you."

There was silence for a long moment. "I'll have to leave Sunnydale," he managed finally. Angel didn't say anything. "Soon I won't be here—at least for a while. I don't presume to know for how much longer_ you_ may or may not be a part of her life, but for as long as you are...I suppose I have no choice but to trust you to look after her."

Angel blinked in surprise. "But I—" He cut off, and seemed to be thinking long and hard.

"But what?"

He swallowed. "Giles, I don't know if I should be here at all—in Sunnydale. I tried to tell Buffy before she left...maybe I'm back for a reason, but what if it isn't to stay here?"

"And what if it is?" Again that jealous feeling hit him, but he swallowed past it. "What if you're here to protect her because I won't be able to?"

Angel was silent at first. "You know there's a part of me that wants that to be true."

"And _you_ know that quite a large part of me does not want to be saying _this_, but perhaps it is true. Or perhaps you should at least believe it for now. Neither of us needs to be told how formidable Buffy is, how strong she is—but I worry for her. She will need someone."

"And you think it should be me?"

"I think that there isn't anyone else.

Angel was quiet even longer this time, and finally he looked up. "I can only promise to stay as long as I think it's what she needs—as long as it might be what's better for her."

"I suppose that is all I could ask."

Angel shook his head. "No...you could ask for a hell of a lot more and you'd be completely justified in it, but that's all I can give you right now." He grimaced. "I'm sorry about all of this."

"There is little to be done about it now." Giles blinked when he felt his eyes stinging again, and cursed the tears when they refused to evaporate. "Just take care of her." If all of this were not for Buffy Rupert wouldn't have been able to look at Angel then, but he did, and other vampire looked back in understanding. The look was as close to a handshake or any such thing as they knew they would ever come, and Giles held it as long as he could before he was forced to break eye contact and flee to elsewhere within the mansion.

As he'd said, he _understood_ that Angel himself had never done anything to any of them, but that didn't change the fear and anger and general sick feeling Rupert still felt whenever he looked at him. As long as he could deal with it for Buffy's sake, no one needed to know that.

* * *

The school day had been perfectly normal—except for the fact that Buffy and Giles had been completely AWOL. No showing, no calls, no notes...nothing. Willow's first theory was that Buffy really had been coming down with something and was now in the hospital, and Giles was the only one who had heard about it. He was with her, and no one had thought to get in touch with the rest of them.

Though that could mean it was very bad, and she didn't very much like that idea. Neither did Xander and Oz. The three of them left school together, intending to make their way to Buffy's house in search of answers.

But Buffy was waiting for them at the bottom of the steps in front of the school.

"Buff!" Xander exclaimed in relief.

"Buffy!" Willow called. "Thank god; there you are!" She ran to her friend and locked her in a hug that Buffy returned with surprising fervor. When the boys reached them Xander seemed to sense, as she was beginning to, that something was wrong, and as soon Willow let go and pulled back to look at Buffy in surprise he was sweeping the Slayer into his own arms.

"Hey, what is it?" he asked.

"What's wrong?" Willow echoed. "Where were you? You weren't at school."

Oz nodded. "We would know. We were there."

Buffy managed a hiccup of a laugh at the young musician, and now they were all looking at the fresh bandaged wounds, too. "I'm fine, you guys, I uhm...come on. We have to get back to the mansion. Giles is waiting for us."

"At the mansion?" Xander asked in confusion. "Isn't that where Angel's been staying?"

"We all know this, Xand."

"Don't get me wrong, but wouldn't Giles want to steer clear of that place if he had a choice?"

Buffy looked at them all—sadly, apologetically...Willow almost couldn't tell what was what. But whatever that face said, it wasn't good. "He _didn't_ have a choice. That's part of why we have a lot of explaining to do." She sighed. "Let's go."

* * *

Giles had found an empty room to pace in, and he'd done that for a while. He'd spent the time thinking...worrying, maybe about how he and Buffy were going to explain all of this to the rest of the Scoobies, and maybe more about other things. There was the future, to begin with. Where would he go?

Then Angel called his name from the front room, and a moment later he heard Willow too, calling for him. She sounded upset, and now there were other voices. Giles hurried back to the front room, and as soon as he'd stepped out of the corridor something hit him and he found his arms full.

"They can't _do_ this!" Willow wailed, latched onto him tightly. "It's not fair!

Rupert held onto her, and looked up in confusion. Angel was nearby, looking like he was ready to go back the way Giles had come and be out of the way at any moment he could. Xander and Oz were not far off, looking at him questioningly, and Buffy was just coming in.

"Is it true?" Xander was demanding.

Buffy shut the side door behind her, looking a bit guilty, and Giles met her gaze. "How much have you told them?"

She winced. "All of it." His mouth opened in protest, but she continued before he could say anything. "I'm sorry. They wouldn't stop pestering me on the way here; they_ knew_ something was wrong." She shrugged a bit and crossed her arms across her chest defensively. "I didn't think you'd mind not having to do it."

He didn't _mind_, but that didn't mean he hadn't wanted to take at least some of that burden from her. Already she looked exhausted again, and upset right along with the rest of the Scoobies. Willow was sobbing on his shoulder, and Xander just stared at him and waited for an answer to his question. Giles looked at the young man and nodded reluctantly, and when he had his confirmation Xander spun and kicked the metal stand of tools by the fireplace.

"Damnit!"

Oz only winced, but that conveyed more than enough from him.

"Why?" Willow cried. "You didn't-didn't do anyth-thing; why do they want to k-kill you?"

"I'm afraid it's all standard procedure for them," Rupert sighed. Willow wasn't letting go of him so he didn't let go, either, and for what seemed an eternity none of them moved. Willow cried and Giles held her, Xander glared murderously at nothing and nowhere in particular, and Buffy and Angel and Oz simply froze where they stood.

At length Willow's sobbing quieted, and she pulled back to look at him. "Can't we do anything?" she asked weakly.

He shook his head in answer as he pulled his handkerchief from the pocket of his unbuttoned vest and gave it to her. Not that he personally had any reason to carry one anymore; it was really just habit, though as evidenced by right now it could still be useful.

Willow dried her face and all of them drew closer together at the couches. They sat, and Giles went over the details again. He told them everything he'd told Buffy. He had to make them understand that this was not something that could be fixed right now, but he would be all right, and so would they.

Buffy never sat down like the others did, and at one point he saw Angel make his way to her and rest a hand on her shoulder. She turned to look at him, and something seemed to pass between them. They hugged tightly while the conversation continued without them, and when they pulled out of it Angel remained at her side, clasping her hand.

Xander shook his head. "So that's it then? You're leaving? Again?"

Buffy spoke up. "It's not like he can't keep in touch, sort of...as long as he doesn't tell us where he is so whoever shows up here from the Council has no way of finding out from us."

Willow shrugged. "Maybe. But he'd have to do it by e-mail. Even letters without return addresses get postmarked. Unless the Council has gotten into tracking the internet, and then he really wouldn't be able to contact us at all."

"No, despite the Council's reach and strength, it has not yet learned that it should keep pace with the digital age as well. It is certainly at least part of the reason that I know so little myself. To begin with I suppose it would work," Giles said thoughtfully. "However, you would need to make sure that I knew how to do it, Willow; I'm afraid I've already forgotten much of what you showed me when you created that account for me a while ago. I never had much use for it."

"Yeah, of course. I've got you covered."

"Thank you."

There wasn't much else to say. They knew the score now, and what to expect. There was only one thing that had been left undiscussed.

"How long can you stay?" Buffy asked finally, scarcely loud enough for all of them to hear.

Rupert winced. "I uhm...I'm not certain. I imagine to remain on the safe side I should be on my way within...within a week."

There it was. Something more concrete. His heart sank as he said it, and it was apparent that it wasn't making the others feel any better, either.

* * *

All of them stayed until sundown, milling about the main room of the mansion without much purpose. They only knew they didn't want to leave. They had little enough time as it was, and Buffy was feeling it just as much as any of her friends. She imagined, though, that in some ways it might be worse for them. All of it was so sudden to them, and she had been aware of the possibility of—if not prepared for—disaster for weeks now.

After dark Giles offered to drop them all off on the way back to his place, and as the rest of them made their way outside Buffy hung back with Angel. She hadn't been able to bring herself to leave the main room earlier, so she hadn't had any chance to speak to him alone since before she'd left to fetch the rest of the Scooby Gang—when she'd gotten so angry at him.

"Aren't you going with them?" Angel asked as he drew up beside her.

"I am," she nodded, turning to him. "I just...I'm sorry—"

"I know that. It's okay."

"It isn't. I _need _to apologize. I shouldn't have gotten so mad; you were just trying to figure out what was best for me. I should thank you for that. It's sweet."

Angel took her hands and looked at her for a long moment. "I love you."

"I know...I love you too. That's why we'll have to be careful, I guess...if you're staying." Buffy frowned. "You are staying, aren't you? That's what that was about back there, right? With the eyes, and the hugging, and the hand-holding..."

"I'm staying," he agreed. "You know I can't promise anything, but for right now I guess it is best to stay here. I'll help as much as I can."

Buffy smiled a little, and kissed his cheek. "Thank you." She pulled back and looked at him, and she wanted to kiss him for real. She wanted it more than anything, and it wasn't only because she was hurting, and she knew he wanted it too, but now wasn't the time for that. Technically it should never be time for it again. She wasn't sure how that was going to hold out.

She swallowed and stepped away. "I should get going. They're probably waiting."

Angel nodded, and she knew he watched her leave as she hurried outside. Everyone else was in the car already, and the engine was running. She squeezed into the back seat beside Willow and Oz, and with the three smaller of them back there and Xander in the passenger's seat beside Giles there was just enough room for all five of them in the car.

"You know, what with the likelihood of driving around a lot for a while, you might want to think about that grown-up car," Buffy joked. It didn't quite fall flat, and at least all of them were smiling a little as Giles pulled away from the mansion.

* * *

The next day was Saturday, and Buffy was at Giles's place as soon as she'd woken up and eaten something. Willow had beaten her there, and the rest of the gang showed up as the day continued. Eventually even Faith was there, and that was the way most of the week went. When school started on Monday the Scoobies went in a group after school, usually in Oz's van. Until dark it was family time, and after dark there was training, though the others could never bring themselves to leave until Buffy and Giles left too, for patrol. Because they didn't know when or if they would be able to do it again, they went together every night. Though the fact that Buffy was still regaining her strength probably had something to do with it, too.

Faith appeared about half of the time, at some point shortly before dark. She claimed she was there for the training and patrol—to get what she could get before Giles would have to be leaving. Still, Buffy could tell that her fellow Slayer would miss him too. If she didn't want to say it, that was fine.

Giles squeezed as much training into that week as he could, and Buffy knew he wished there were more time. So did she. Just because she was self-assured enough in her fighting skills didn't mean she wouldn't have wanted her Watcher around for much longer. There was always something else to learn. There had always been ways Giles could help her, and she was going to miss the help, too. It was frightening to realize that she wasn't going to have that fallback anymore, and that was probably why she'd gotten so upset at the prospect of Angel leaving as well. But now he was going to stay. At least she had that. Him.

Toward the end of the week Giles had already finished packing what little he was going to take with him. Thankfully, though, he left the packed bags upstairs and out of sight. But they all knew they were there, and they knew what was coming. All of them were anxious, and the changes at school weren't helping. Snyder was gloating, and the same young woman who had filled in at the library when Giles disappeared was back, and as annoying as ever.

Giles still had his keys, and they spent one night there in the library as he went through his things and brought anything too personal back to his apartment. The books and weapons he left for the Slayer and her friends, and he gave the keys to the book cage to Buffy. The substitute was under the impression that they were lost, and seeing as the weapons were in there, they would just have to make certain that those keys remained that way as far as the clueless woman was concerned.

"It seems like the more we prepare...the more I think about it the more I don't know if we can do this," Buffy quietly admitted one night. Patrol had been slow, Faith was absent tonight, and her shoulders were hunched in the cold as she and her Watcher made their way through one of the last cemeteries.

Giles looked at her and slowed. "Do what?"

Her eyes suddenly stung, and she grimaced sheepishly, trying to look away without looking suspicious doing it. "Be okay here...without you. Or I mean, I can't say anything for the others, but I mean...me." He reached out to put a hand on her arm and bring her to a stop, and she really did look away now. They were standing still now, and as his hand fell away from her arm she spoke again before he could say anything, even though he started to. "I-I know that's stupid. I know I'm strong, and I know how to do this. I've been doing it for years. I'm the Slayer; I can handle it. I'm supposed to be able to handle anything..."

"Oh, Buffy," he sighed after a moment. "Would it help if I told you that I'm frightened too?"

She looked up at him sharply, confused. "What the hell do you have to be afraid of? You're just as strong as I am. You know more. You can't even _die_; you've done that already."

"Besides the fact that I could still be turned to dust, I have quite enough to be afraid of," Giles answered matter-of-factly. He shifted on his feet, glancing away for a moment, as if not certain he wanted to go into this, but he did. She knew it was for her sake, whatever he was going to say, and she loved him even more for it.

"I'm not certain how much I've really slept in the last few days. There is too much to wonder about: Where will I go? What will I do? How can we change the Council's mind? _Can_ we? I know it will be lonely, and I will spend much of my time worrying for all of you that I've left behind here."

Buffy swallowed hard. "Giles..."

His hands came to her shoulders and squeezed a bit, and he looked her in the eyes. "But I know I would worry even more if you were not who you are. You have exceeded any expectations a Watcher can reasonably have for his Slayer. I am _proud_ of you, Buffy, and I always have been. I will only need worry in the sense that I will always be concerned for your safety; I will have no need to worry for you _because_ of you." He paused, and one of his hands moved to her cheek for a moment. "You're going to be fine. I believe that with all of my heart."

She looked up at him for a long time, just hoping he was right. Then she latched onto him, and they stayed that way for a bit, too, before they let go. After all, patrol had to be finished. A Slayer's work was never done. Neither was a Watcher's, now that she thought about it—whether they were officially employed or not. It wasn't a job; it was a calling, just as much as hers was. Maybe it was realizing that that made Giles so much better at it than the rest of them.

* * *

They found evidence of a nest just before the end of patrol that night, and because it seemed it would be large and Rupert knew Buffy was still just under full strength no matter how much she tried to insist she was fine, he suggested that they come back early the next night more prepared and with Faith in tow. Of course, when Willow and Xander and Oz heard about it and realized that it was the night before he'd planned to leave they all wanted to come along. They all wanted to help. For old times' sake, they said. One last battle. There was no talking them out of it.

Faith, of course, was in for any big fight, and the next night all of six of them set off with plenty of weapons and Willow with a few small things that might be used for useful spells. It turned out that she needed them. The nest was not vampires, but demons, and a species that Giles had never seen before. The battle dragged on much longer than they'd intended from the beginning. Xander was pummeled once or twice, and Willow tried a fogging spell twice before it worked. In the end the three demons that had been in the nest when they arrived were dead.

"These are new," Giles observed, looking over one of the bodies.

"And improved," Buffy agreed.

"Yes. I'm sorry; I should have had you better prepared. I should never have allowed Willow or Oz or—or...or..." He looked about for Xander, and was alarmed when he didn't see the boy. Then a pile of garbage at the far end of the cave moved, and Xander climbed to his feet and out of it.

"I'm good! We're fine over here—just a little bit dirty." He stumbled over to them, rumpled and a bit bruised but otherwise fine as he gave them a tired double thumbs-up. "Good show everyone. Just great. I think we have a hit."

"Are you okay?" Willow asked with concern.

"Tip-top. Really. If...anyone sees my spine laying around just try not to step on it."

"Xander...one of these days you're gonna get yourself hurt," Buffy began.

"Or killed," Faith added.

"Or...both. And you know, with the pain, and then the death, uh, maybe you shouldn't be leaping into fray like that. M-Maybe you should be...fray adjacent."

Xander's eyebrows went up innocently. "Excuse me? Who at a crucial moment distracted the lead demon by allowing her to pummel him about the head?"

Faith nodded once. "Yeah. That was real manly how you shrieked and all."

"I think you'll find it was more of a bellow."

Oz raised an eyebrow. "Not so sure about that one."

Buffy blinked and didn't seem to know how to respond any further. They had all tried to keep the mood from becoming too depressing over the past several days, but the witty banter was still generally flagging. "Uhm...what should we do with the trio here? Should we burn them?" she asked, glancing back at her Watcher.

Willow piped up and forced a grin. "I brought marshmallows." They all looked at her and she shrugged and backed off. "Occasionally, I'm callous and strange."

Giles directed his attention to Buffy, and answered her question. "I-I suspect we can leave them. I'm more interested in finding out what they are and whether w—you can expect more of their kind." 'We' didn't work anymore. He wasn't going to be here. He felt the now-familiar pang in his chest, and winced.

"Well, I hope not," Buffy sighed, already heading for the exit. "They're _way_ too fit."

The others followed Buffy, while Xander made a poor attempt at rescuing his manliness. "Well I say bring 'em on!"

Giles caught his arm as they made their way out at the back of the pack. "Uhm, Xander, ah...I think in the future perhaps it would be best if you-you uhm...hung back to the rear of the battle, for your own sake."

"'But gee, Mr. White, if Clark and Lois get all the good stories I'll _never_ be a good reporter!'" the boy intoned snarkily.

Rupert blinked at him. "Hmm?"

Xander paused. "Jimmy Olsen jokes are pretty much gonna be lost on you, huh?"

"Sorry."

He shrugged and kept going. "It's okay."

Giles caught his arm again and held him back. "Xander, wait."

The boy stopped and looked back. "What?"

He winced. "I _am_ sorry, but I'm afraid I have no choice but to be serious for a moment. I'm not going to be here, and I don't want to worry about you getting hurt due to carelessness or overconfidence. I certainly wouldn't want anything to happen to you any more than I would want anything to happen to Buffy or any of the others."

Xander just looked at him for a moment in surprise. "Well...I mean, what do you want from me here?"

"I want you to promise me that you'll be careful. You_ are_ as much a part of this group as anyone else, and they will need you, but you must know what you can do and what is better left to someone else. Often bravery...often _wisdom_ is knowing when to step aside. Do you understand?"

Xander nodded slowly. "Yeah...yeah, sure, Giles. Thanks."

Rupert looked at him for a bit longer, and sighed. "I'm sorry there isn't more time. I should have realized in the past how important it is to you to be able to help. Perhaps I could have taught you to fight; at least to better defend yourself..."

"H-Hey, it's okay. You've done plenty, G-man. Seriously. There are a lot of times I don't know what we woulda done without you. And...you know, I've still learned a lot, I guess. Not the fighting stuff, obviously, but, you know...other stuff. So...thanks."

"Hey, is that cave swallowing people?" Buffy called from out of sight at the entrance. "Come on, you guys! I was under the impression we had research to do."

Giles smiled as much as he could, and he and Xander followed the others out.

* * *

"The end of the world."

Buffy stared at Giles from where she stood beside his desk in his apartment. They hadn't made much headway in the research on those demons last night, and he had continued here while they were at school. It seemed he'd found what they needed to know.

That didn't mean she liked it.

"Can they do that?" she questioned.

"They seem fairly committed." He moved an open book in front of her for emphasis. "The Sisterhood of Jhe—an apocalypse cult. They exist solely to bring about the world's destruction, and we've not seen the last of them. More will follow."

"And they're here in Sunnydale for what? Demon expo?"

He looked up at her, and she realized that he looked much more serious even than he had been for the past few days—if that was possible. "Buffy, this is no laughing matter."

So she got serious too. "Hence my no laughing."

Giles blinked. "I'm sorry."

Buffy crossed her arms. "Well do we know _why_ they're here?"

"I think so." He started to gather other papers that were scattered across the desk. "Based on some artifacts that I found with them, and uh, uhm...taking into account the astral cycle—"

"Giles." He stopped. "I don't need to see the math."

Her Watcher swallowed. "They intend to open the hellmouth."

Her eyes went wide and her mouth fell open. "The hellmouth. The one that opens..."

"In the library. Yes."

"Oh...oh my god."

Giles explained a few things in more detail—what would happen if they did it, if they couldn't be found and stopped before it opened...the fact that the world would be overrun with demons if they didn't close it again if it was opened.

"Okay...okay so what's the plan? Tell me what to do, and we'll handle it. I'll get Faith on this too, and head for the mansion and see if Angel knows anything. You...you have to get going."

"I'm not going anywhere, Buffy. Do you understand how large this is?"

"It's large. It's about as large as it gets, but what if the new guy shows up?"

"That hardly matters now! Buffy, we had no inkling that that nest was there until two nights ago; how much more difficult do you think it will be to track down the rest of the Sisterhood? We may very well not be able to stop them from opening the hellmouth, and if it opens it will have to be closed again. Do you remember the creature that came out last time? It will be the first again this time. If we can kill it, it will close the hellmouth and leave it plugged, but killing it will not be easy. You will need any help you can get—Faith, Angel, myself. I'm loathe to put her in danger, but we will likely need Willow as well, to assist with spellwork. I've only just begun to map out possibilities—"

"But Giles, if whoever's coming from the Council shows up they could _kill you_."

"And if the hellmouth is opened and remains that way we will all be dead anyway!"

Buffy grimaced, but she couldn't argue with that. "Annoyingly great point." Giles didn't look all that optimistic, and from him that was scary.

"Not to worry...if we make it through this, I'll be on my way directly."

"_If_?" she echoed softly.


	28. Chapter 28

At least it wasn't three or four months this time...I'm really sorry, ya'll. I'm doing the best I can. This college thing is slowly getting easier. learning to manage, and all. Anyway, I know what's going on (in the story) is kinda sucky at the moment, but it will get better! I promise! Otherwise all the angst wouldn't be any fun, ya know? :P You just have to read to find out when and how. ;) So I hope ya'll are still around, and please do review and let know that you are and what you think, etc. Detailed feedback is atill and always extremely welcome! Anyway, I hope you like the chapter and thank you so much!

Chapter 28

They got through it. Granted, for a while there they weren't sure at all that they would, but they got through it. It all happened too fast and the battle was won by the skin of their teeth, but two days later in the middle of a dark early February night it was over. The library lay in ruins once again thanks to the opening of the hellmouth, but the demon that had come out of it last time was now bound and clogging the exit.

Said hellmouth was officially closed again, thanks to a binding spell performed by Willow and Giles. Buffy, Angel, and Faith had run distraction, fighting the demon back while Watcher and young witch had attempted to bind it, but eventually Giles had been forced to leave Willow to finish the incantation while he rushed into the fray to help cover her.

Angel had been knocked out at some point during the fight with the demon, leaving Buffy and Faith to head out into the main body of Sunnydale High to track down the remaining members of the Sisterhood of Jhe that had shown up and take care of them, once the demon was out of the way. Giles stayed in the library to protect Willow in case any of the female demons doubled back there, and one of them did. The two Slayers had tracked the last one back after dispatching the others, and found it grappling with Giles. The battle axe he'd had lay on the ground in two pieces.

Buffy edged closer to the combatants, while Faith went around the other side of the library to come from a different direction and cut off exit by the stairs. Just as Buffy came close enough the member of the Sisterhood managed to get a bit of an upper hand, and she was sure she heard a snap or two as the demon shoved Giles back. She didn't give the thing a chance to go into whatever move it may have had planned next; she lopped it's head off with her own axe before it could move another muscle.

Or she would have lopped it off, if the Jhe sisters didn't have such tough hide. Instead, the axe only went halfway through, and the demon actually managed to turn around and grab for her before it dropped for good.

Buffy grimaced and looked up to find Giles even as she bent to free her axe. He was still right there, just a few feet away. He was fine, but he was cradling his left wrist.

"Giles?"

He shook his head to dispel her concern. "It may be broken, but it won't take long to heal."

Willow came out from behind the counter where she'd been hiding. "We did it," she said quietly. It was _too _quiet now. After the carnage of the past half hour the near silence was almost disturbing. "They opened the hellmouth but we stopped it. We're alive."

"And the world didn't end," Faith added. "I guess that's always a plus."

"Yeah...I'm gonna go with that," Buffy agreed half-heartedly. But now she was looking for something else, and when she found Angel she bolted to his side. He was still unconsious near the stairs on the left, and she knelt beside him and shook him. Anything bad enough to knock out a vampire for several minutes would have killed a human easily, and she found herself suddenly glad that Willow and Faith were all right.

She was also glad that Xander was nowhere near here tonight.

"Angel, come on..."

Finally he groaned, and his eyes flickered open. "Buffy?"

"I'm right here. Are you okay?"

He reached for her, and she took his hand and helped him sit up. "I'll be fine, yeah." When he said it she couldn't help throwing her arms around him and holding on tightly. Seeing him go down had scared her. She knew what he was and that going down didn't mean he was dead—couldn't mean he was dead, unless he was dust—but she'd been scared just the same. It wasn't rational, and she knew why she'd felt that way.

She couldn't be with him, but she couldn't stop herself from loving him, either.

"Thank god."

Angel returned the embrace. "It's over?"

"Yeah, it's over."

Buffy held onto him for another moment and then pulled back, sitting on her heels. It wasn't until yet another moment or two after _that_ that she calmed down enough for reality to kick in.

It was over. Crisis averted.

Buffy looked sharply in her Watcher's direction, too quickly for him to hide the shadow of a pained expression his face had taken on at seeing her close to Angel. Even then it only became a different sort of pain, because Giles was thinking the same thing she was.

Now that it was over, he was leaving.

No one said anything for the longest time, and Buffy wondered if they were _all_ thinking about it. When it seemed they were all looking at Giles, she supposed that was true.

Finally Giles sighed quietly and was the one to break the silence. "I'll wait until tomorrow night. It's incredibly late; I wouldn't make it far before morning."

Buffy slid off her knees and sunk back against Angel, who wrapped his arms around her as she chocked back a sob. She thought she was going to cry and she didn't think she was going to be able to stop it, but she didn't. Her chest convulsed once or twice more, and Angel's arms tightened around her in response, but the tears wouldn't come.

For a while after that she didn't notice much. She knew that she felt Giles's hand on her shoulder soon after that, and that she knew he was there and Willow was there, and she knew they were all just there for a while, just sitting. At that point Giles didn't even seem to mind that Angel was there too. Buffy knew that by the time she really came back to her senses Faith had long since disappeared, Willow had found a brace for Giles's wrist since he couldn't very well go to a hospital, and Angel was still holding her.

Buffy looked back at him. "How are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm fine," he told her again. She nodded, and she started to get up. Angel let go so she could stand, and he started to stand with her but stopped halfway up.

"Angel?"

One hand was to his head and the other to his chest as he straightened up the rest of the way, slowly. "It's nothing."

"You're still not quite up to snuff," she said gently. "I _told_ you getting into a fight this big might not be such a hot idea yet."

Angel smirked a bit. "I remember the dramatic argument from a few hours ago, yeah. But we're still here, aren't we?"

She still insisted on walking back to the mansion with him. Willow was staying to see to Oz for the rest of the night, which Giles couldn't do seeing as that job didn't end until dawn. She was headed down to the basement to check on him; he'd been moved there tonight due to the imminent breakout of a battle in the library. Giles was going to take care of the bodies of the Sisterhood of Jhe, and then he was headed home to pack his car before the sun rose, so he was ready for nightfall the next night.

They were all at the door before Willow spoke again.

"Giles...do you think...I mean...I-I mean would you not, you know...kick us out if we all showed up at your place in the morning?" she asked tentatively.

He blinked at her. "Willow...you all have school tomorrow."

"I know..."

Buffy swallowed. "It's your last day here, Giles. I know _I _missed a day of school last week too, but I'm kind of way past caring right now," she supplied tiredly. He agreed shortly, and that was how they knew he was hurting just as much as they were because of this.

"I'll call Xander," Willow murmured, before she split off in the direction of the basement door.

At the next junction in the hallway Buffy, Giles, and Angel stopped. The parking lot was in one direction and the exit that would send Buffy and Angel in the direction of the mansion was in the other. The three of them stood there for a moment while Giles and Angel tried pointedly not to look at each other, and in the glow of the streetlight coming in through the windows Buffy got a good at the scratches across the face both of them had managed to get. There was particularly bad spot around Giles's left ear, and Angel had one near his right temple where he'd been hit.

It was probably the biggest battle any of them had ever fought, save possibly Angel. But it wasn't even registering right now.

Finally Angel cleared his throat, and nodded to Giles. "Be safe," he said simply.

Giles nodded back. "Yes. Thank you."

And it was pretty clear that was going to be the end of it. Buffy followed Angel from the school and back to the mansion, letting him lean on her for a moment when he needed to, but it wasn't nearly as bad as the last time she'd had to help him back there. He was getting stronger, returning more and more to his old self all the time. It was becoming harder and harder to ignore the fact that she loved him, and she didn't know if she could do it anymore. She was going to have to let him help her once Giles was gone. She was going to need him if she was going to keep her friends and the rest of Sunnydale out of danger, and she knew Giles would understand, but...

"Will _you_ be all right?" Angel asked suddenly.

Buffy looked at him, pulling her gaze away from the flames in the fireplace. She swallowed. "I kind of have to be." She tried to smile. "Besides, that's why you're staying, remember?" As they rested there on the couch he reached for her hand and squeezed it, and she squeezed back. Angel pulled her to him and she went willingly, but determined that it was all she would allow tonight. The holding. It made sense, seeing as there had already been plenty of it earlier. She remembering holding his hand at the end of the week before, when the Scoobies had been here and Giles had told them what would have to happen now that the Council knew about him.

She remembered it was the only thing that had kept her going at that particular moment.

Then they were kissing, and it was only thing keeping her going now.

* * *

Giles was feeling rather numb as he made his way out to the parking lot, and he almost didn't notice the bright blue car halfway across the lot. When he did notice it he stopped short and frowned, because he recognized the figure standing beside it—the figure that was leaning against the driver's-side door and staring absently into space.

"Xander?" he asked once he was close enough.

The boy blinked and focused on him. "What? Oh. Hey, Giles..."

"What are you doing here?"

He shrugged. "Oh, you know, nothing really. I've just kinda been doing my own thing tonight, here and there..."

Rupert raised an eyebrow at him. "I thought you were warned to stay away from the school tonight."

"Oh, I was. I definitely was. The whole ending up here thing wasn't really planned. What happened in there, anyway?"

He shrugged. "Well as-as Faith put it, uhm, the world did not end."

"I'm gonna take that as a good thing," Xander put in.

"Yes. It certainly would be." Giles paused to study the boy more closely. "Are you certain you're all right? You seem a bit...distracted."

"Distracted? Me? Not at all! I'm good. I'm cool. I was just thinking about the possibility of doing that sleep thing. What about you?"

"I was going to get everything into my car before the sun rose, if I could. That was all I'd planned. I don't believe the sleeping will quite work out for me; Buffy and Willow have already planned to be at my flat in the morning, and you and Oz are more than welcome, of course. I will need to leave as soon as it gets dark again..."

Xander winced. "Yeah. I guess that would be the smartest thing to do, huh?"

"Unfortunately." They both fell silent again, but Rupert couldn't keep himself from studying the boy further. The more he did, the more definitively he came to the conclusion that something had happened. "Xander...I can't help feeling that there is something you aren't telling me."

There was no answer for a moment, and then the boy sighed. "Sorry. You aren't wrong. Whatever kind of face I've got, I'm sure if Buffy were here she'd call it a 'something' face."

"What happened?"

Xander shook his head slowly. "I don't think that's really something I can tell you. You'd probably think I was crazy, anyway."

"The last time I checked I was a vampire. I don't believe there is anything that could be too strange."

The boy chuckled. "Yeah. Maybe. But this is kind of..." He looked off, searching for a word. "I don't know—not meant to be shared, maybe? Look, I'm fine. Honest. Maybe I even got something out of it. I had a weird night, but I'm okay. No offense, but I'm not pressing for details on what went on in _there_, so..."

Giles's eyebrows went up, but he understood. "Ah. That is true." He paused. "Xander, it certainly isn't that we meant to, well...leave you out of it, but—"

"But you wanted to leave me out of it. For my own sake. It's okay, I get that. Don't worry; I haven't forgotten that little talk we had already."

"Now it wasn't entirely like that._ I _wanted to at least make certain that you knew what was going on; I didn't want you to feel left out, per se, but the problem came to an apex much too quickly, and there simply wasn't time. Buffy was the one who insisted on keeping you out of it completely. Though please don't take that the wrong way; I wouldn't want you angry with her because of something _I _said."

Xander shrugged. "Nah. I can't be mad at her for doing that. She cares about me too much; how can I argue with that?" he grinned. Now Rupert smiled a bit, and Xander looked over his shoulder at his car. "Now what was I about to do?"

"I believe you were contemplating sleep before I interrupted you," Giles supplied.

"Ah. Right." He went quiet for a moment, as if pondering, and then frowned. "Yeah. That's not happening."

"Well, I suppose you're welcome to follow me back to my flat now if you have no better place to be. The others will be along in a few hours."

Xander looked at him, and finally the almost haze-like state he'd been in faded away completely, and he seemed to be fully back in the present and aware of what was happening—why the others would be at Giles's apartment that day. The boy swallowed hard and nodded.

"Yeah," he said thickly. "That sounds like as good an idea as any."

* * *

Early morning sunlight was streaming through the high slits that passed for windows in the basement, and Willow was resting on the ground outside the room Oz had been locked in for the rest of the night. He had been moved due to the impending battle. If they had known before it got dark that it was going to take place that night they would have started him off down here, but it had happened that fast. Before dark they hadn't known this was going to happen tonight, and now it was over.

The door opened behind her, and Willow glanced up as Oz emerged half clothed. "Uhm..."

She handed his shirt up to him. "Here. Sorry, I must have dropped it when we were moving you. Only the pants made it."

Oz took the shirt and shrugged it on, and then he sat down beside her. "So...what happened?"

"It's over," she told him. "They opened the hellmouth, but we sealed it. Giles and I did a binding spell on the first demon that came out and it's plugging the hole, so to speak. That's the best way to explain it, anyway."

He gently brushed at a forming bruise on her cheek. "I'm guessing it didn't exactly go smoothly."

"Not exactly...but it's ok. Everyone's fine."

Oz nodded, and as he settled beside her again he entwined one of his hands with hers. After that they sat quietly for a while, and for a while Willow could pretend that everything was really was just fine. "So...school's gonna start soon," he said eventually.

"We're not going to school today."

"Why not?"

She swallowed and leaned into him more closely. "Giles is leaving tonight; we're all going over there today, just to...be there, I guess."

"Sounds good to me."

Willow let out a breath. "Yeah." She wanted to move, but if she got up and went they would get there. If they got there, and she saw Giles, she knew it would begin the last time she would see him for probably a long, long time.

But if she didn't get up and go, she would waste what time they had left.

She sat there for another moment, and Oz didn't move either. He didn't question her. When she turned to him he knew what she needed, and he kissed her once or twice, and held onto her for a minute or two until she started to stand.

"You want to stop for something to eat first?"

Oz shook his head. "Not unless you want to; I'm oddly full."

"And I'm just not hungry. Come on; let's go."

* * *

Buffy woke up on the couch at the mansion again, with the same blanket spread over her as before. This time, though, Giles wasn't waiting for her. It was Angel, and when he noticed that she was awake he sat down beside her as she sat up.

"Hey," he said quietly.

"Hey..."

Angel studied her for a moment, before resting a hand on her arm. "How are you doing?"

She swallowed, but forced a smile. "Better, I guess."

Buffy remembered last night. She remembered kissing him, and that there had been enough of it that she was suddenly unsure of where they stood. God, she wanted to be with him so badly...in every sense...but one way could certainly not happen at all, and the more simple way...well...

Again, she was sure Giles would understand by now, but she didn't know if she was _ready_ to try again..._really_ try again. There was too much in the mix. It was a bad idea all around, but damnit, she loved him. But there were reasons they weren't together, and none of that had changed.

And why was she thinking about this now? This wasn't the time to think about this.

"What time is it?" she asked.

"About seven thirty. It's been light for an hour or so."

"Oh..."

"You should probably go."

"Yeah," Buffy sighed. "Oz and Willow are probably over there by now, and Xander'll be there before long. Will probably called him already." She looked at him. "Are you sure you won't come?"

He hesitated. "I shouldn't. I really don't belong there."

"That's crazy; of course you should come. Hasn't it been long enough? Maybe you should—"

Angel shook his head. "We've made as much peace as we're going to make, Buffy."

She blinked in confusion. "What do you mean?"

He looked at her for a long time before he answered, and then he looked away. "We uhm...we talked. He asked me to look out for you. Not that he didn't think I would, and not that I wouldn't have done it if he hadn't said anything, but...I guess the point is that he asked."

Now she was staring at him, not quite sure she was hearing right. "He did?"

Angel nodded. "Just don't tell him I told you that..."

"I won't," she agreed.

It was unexpected in the least. She knew it couldn't have been easy for him, asking anything of Angel. Especially when it was something he didn't really need to ask at all, because it would have happened anyway. She supposed Angel was right—the point was that he'd asked. It was a step forward, and she knew he'd only taken because he cared about her.

When she made it to Giles's place everyone else was there. Xander answered the door, which surprised her, but as she came in and shut said door behind her she got over it quickly. There was only one person she was looking for.

"Where's Giles?"

"He ah...I think he ran upstairs for something."

"Thanks." Buffy started up the stairs, but Giles was already on his way back down. She ran up the last few steps to meet him at the landing halfway, and pushed herself up on her toes to throw her arms around his neck.

Giles was obviosuly startled, but he said nothing as he locked his arms around her in return.

"I love you," she told him quietly. "I said that somewhere, right?"

"Oh, Buffy," he sighed. "I knew, even if you hadn't."

"Good..."

"I love you, too."

They didn't care if the others could see them, and when Buffy and Giles came back down to the living room none of them said anything about it.

"So Angel's gonna be okay?" Oz asked instead.

Buffy nodded. "He was only out for a few minutes; almost the longest of my life..."

Willow was on the couch with Oz beside her, and she grimaced. "I will never forget that thing's face—it's...real face, I mean."

Giles shrugged tiredly. "Yes, well...the world continues to turn."

Buffy took the one spot left on the couch, on the other side of Willow. "No one will ever know how close it came to stopping—know what we did," the redhead was saying.

"Yeah, go ahead and make me feel left out," Xander joked, dropping into a chair.

"Sorry, Xander...but it was probably better that you weren't there."

He smiled to himself. "Yeah."

Buffy studied him for a moment, and thought maybe there was something there she was missing. But there was no way to know.

"I don't know how you managed," she said to Giles. "That was the bravest thing I've ever seen." The way he'd jumped right into the fray after Angel was knocked out, she meant. He'd gotten right up into that thing's face and helped Buffy and Faith distract it until Willow could finish the spell. Anything could have happened to him.

"The stupidest," he disagreed. "Or it would have been, but I'm no longer at as much risk as the rest of you."

"If that thing was strong enough to knock a vampire out for twenty minutes it was strong enough to take your head off. Then you'd be dust and where would _we_ be?"

Giles winced as he lowered himself into the remaining living-room chair. "Much the same place, I'm afraid."

"Don't say that," Buffy protested quickly. "You're coming back. Just because we don't know when doesn't mean it's not gonna happen."

The apartment fell silent for a while after that.

"I _know_ it'll happen," Buffy finally continued. "It has to." She looked at him. "The _longest_ moments of my life were the ones we had to wait to find out if Willow's spell worked—to find out if you were coming back to us at all. I can't be uncertain like that again."

"Buffy..."

"I'm not kidding."

There was a bit of a stare-down match for a moment or two, and for the second time that morning the rest of the Scoobies suddenly seemed far away.

"What are you saying?" Giles asked.

"I'm saying I want you to promise us that we'll see you again. I _know _we haven't really talked much about any of this since a week and a half ago, and that was because we didn't want to, but we _have_ to talk about it now. And I know that a promise like that sounds crazy, because you can't guarantee things like that. You don't know what'll happen, and neither do we, but I just...I want you to promise to try. Even if we _can't_ change the Council's mind, god forbid... "

He smiled patiently. "I thought that went without saying."

"I-I know, but this is kind of more than that. I told you, I can't...not know. Maybe it won't be true, but I don't want to think about that. I want you to promise us that we'll see you again so I can believe it." She grimaced sheepishly. "Can you indulge my retardedness just this once?"

"It wouldn't be just this once..."

She opened her mouth in protest, and the others grinned or snickered awkwardly.

"I'm joking, of course," he amended.

She shut her mouth again, and fought away the urge to smile. She really did appreciate the attempt at humor at a time like this, but she wanted to be serious right now. "Well?"

He looked at the other Scoobies, and now she did too, and it looked like they wanted to agree with her even if they didn't want to say it because they didn't want to sound crazy, too. Either way, it didn't seem to take long for him to decide. "Of course," he said again, more quietly this time.

Buffy nodded in thanks, and that was all she was able to do at the moment.

She was afraid that if she tried to speak now her voice would break.

* * *

Once they were all there and some of the difficult things were out of the way, the day actually passed amiably enough. By now they were all more than pros at being able to do that, no matter what the situation. Nothing incredibly remarkable happened until just after noon, when there was a knock on the door. Giles made sure he was out of the way, and Xander was closest so he was the one to answer it.

Once he'd opened the door he blinked once or twice. "Cordy."

"Uhm, yeah...that me. Cordelia Chase, most popular girl in school, made the mistake of dating you? Ringing a bell?"

Xander scowled. "What do you want?" Cordelia invited herself in, and he shut the door behind her so Giles could come out of the corner by the coat rack.

"Giles has already been AWOL for a week, and today_ none _of you are at school, and I want to know what's going on. None of you have ever been missing from the beginning all at the same time before. Even with apocalypse coming at least half of you manage to make an appearance in a class or two, usually, but excuse me for not being as studious. If the world's gonna end, I'm not gonna bother with homework. So what's up? Is the world ending for real this time or something?" She stood with hands on hips, surveying them all.

"No. That was last night, apparently," Xander answered flatly.

"But we stopped it," Willow supplied.

"This is more like recovery," Oz added.

"Again, even in recovery mode _somebody_ is usually at school. Something's up." She wasn't backing down, and they couldn't tell her she was wrong. She wasn't. Despite her recent return to bitch-mode, she had been a part of the Scooby Gang long enough in the past to know how they worked. Maybe she understood them better than they had ever thought.

Xander let out a breath and exchanged a glance with Giles, who spoke to Cordelia.

"Please, sit down. There is much to explain."

She was wary at first , but she took the living room chair Xander offered that he had been in, and he went back and took the desk chair. Together, Buffy and Giles more briefly explained again what Buffy had explained to the Scoobies on the way to the mansion after school that day a week ago, when the world had suddenly become even more sucky.

It surprised Xander, at first, when Cordelia was just as outraged at the rest of them had been. It took a little while to remember what she had been like before they broke up—when she'd let her human side show more often. She tried to cover it up now, of course, saying something about how it would be so hard to get anything done in the library with that dumb substitute there, but they all knew. Xander was pretty sure she knew they knew, too, but she did it anyway. That was just the way she dealt with things.

She could have gone back to school before the lunch period was over, and as seniors were allowed off campus for lunch she wouldn't have been in trouble, but she didn't say anything until it was too late, and made an excuse about not being able to go back for fear of Snyder catching her coming in. And of course she couldn't go home, either, lest someone see her coming in there. Then three o'clock came and went, but she still had not left. She could have gone home or anywhere else, but she was still there. They had long since moved on with the day, and Cordelia was just there, as if she'd never left.

Xander remembered how supportive she had been when everything had first happened with Giles, and suddenly he felt bad about the whole thing again, instead of being angry at her because of her recent behavior. She had spent the last several days specifically attempting to make him feel inferior, but there was none of that now—not since the snipe when she'd been standing in the door, before she knew what was going on.

Later that afternoon everyone else was in the kitchen, but Cordelia stood out in the living room at a window, as if she would be looking out through it if it weren't covered.

Xander took the opportunity to approach her, but it seemed she sensed him come up behind her.

"What do you want, Harris?"

He shrugged, shoving his hands into his pockets as he smiled a little. "You care."

"What are you talking about?"

"You're still here, and you don't have to do be."

"I just don't have any other plans. Sitting around here with you people for entertainment is more interesting than sitting at home with Mom and Daddy _not_ there."

A strange mixture of insult and rare glance at the inner bitterness she wouldn't have allowed anyone else to see—the kind of things she'd only let slip when they were dating. She realized, after a moment, what she'd done, and winced as she looked at him. He was still looking at her steadily, and she rolled her eyes and looked away.

"Fine! I care. I'm gonna miss Giles too, okay? Are you happy now?"

"Well that wasn't so bad, was it?"

Cordelia's eyes closed for a second or two. "I'm not in the mood, Xander."

He frowned in concern. "What do you mean? Is everything okay?"

"I thought Buffy and Giles spent half an hour telling me earlier that everything is _not_ okay."

"You know what I mean. I mean with you."

She forced her usual condescending smile. "I'm fine. Back off."

Xander held up both hands in surrender. "Whoa. Calm down."

"Whatever."

He gave up and retreated back to the group in the kitchen.

* * *

Giles noticed Xander approach Cordelia, and he saw the boy come back. He noticed, too, that something seemed off about her. He had not had much chance to speak with Cordelia since her breakup with Xander—not that he had ever had much occasion to speak with her at all. They had not had the closest relationship , just as he did not know Oz as well as he knew Buffy, Willow, and Xander, and he regretted that now. Now he might never have the chance.

He made the decision to see if there were anything he could do, and somehow managed to slip away and approach the girl at the window. There must be something on her mind for her to be perfectly content to to stare at a dark curtain.

"Cordelia?"

She did not say anything at all at first, and then she did.

"I kind of know how you feel," she said quietly.

"I beg your pardon?"

"The whole your-world-pulled-out-from-under-you thing."

Rupert frowned in confusion. "I don't follow. Has something happened? Are you all right?"

Her arms were already crossed and her hugged them tighter to herself. "You can't tell any of them—I wouldn't even tell you if you weren't leaving anyway."

"I suppose I understand...what is it?"

She was still facing the window, not him, and though she didn't quite look at him now, either, she did turn her face in his direction, after taking a quick furtive glance toward the kitchen, too. "Apparently my parents haven't really paid their taxes—like, ever—and apparently the government just found out and they don't really like that kind of stuff. They took everything."

His eyebrows went up. "Everything?"

"We're broke. I'm gonna have to find a _job_ if I want a new dress for prom, for gods sakes."

Giles winced sympathetically. "I am so sorry, Cordelia. You shouldn't have to suffer for your parents' mistakes."

"Well I do. Because that's the way this thing called the world works, right?" she said sharply.

Rupert hesitated at that before saying anything else. "Is there anything I can do?"

"No," she answered quickly. Then she hesitated, too, and sighed. "No. Thanks. We're fine; we can survive and everything. I guess I just told you that because I'm not completely heartless and I wanted you to know you weren't, like, alone or whatever."

He smiled a bit, and rested a hand on her arm. "Thank you, then. And I _am_ sorry this has happened to you."

Cordelia finally smiled a little, too. "Yeah. Thanks. And just remember that if you tell them you'll be double dead."

He raised an eyebrow in amusement, and that was when the doorbell rang again. Giles scowled as he made his way clear of the path the sunlight coming in would take. "Who on earth...?"

This time Buffy got the door, smiling warmly when she saw whoever it was on the other side and welcoming them in, and it wasn't until the newcomer was inside and the door shut behind them that Rupert saw it was Faith.

"Hey," she said, once she spotted him.

Giles nodded. "I'm glad you made it."

She made a face. "Yeah...me too. You guys know this is crap, right?"

But no one really wanted to talk about it anymore, and no one answered.

"Gang's all here," Oz commented eventually. "Almost."

"Angel's not coming," Buffy replied quietly.

"At all?" Willow asked.

Buffy shook her head. "Not tonight."

"Oh..."

"He uhm...he didn't think it was his place."

Rupert had to admit to himself that he was relieved at the revelation, but it was something he would never tell Buffy. Again, it was something she didn't need to know. It might hurt her needlessly, and she probably knew, as it was. Angel would be here to protect her later, and he truly was grateful for that. She knew that, too, and that satisfied him.

He cleared his throat.

"Well then."

* * *

The day couldn't have passed slowly enough for Buffy, and she could have lived without the moment when they all seemed to realize at once that it was late enough for it to be dark outside.

That was when things got hard again.

There were last-minutes arrangements. A couple of things Giles had forgotten to load before the previous night was over were by the door, and brought them to his car. He gave Buffy, Willow, Xander, and Oz copies of the key to the apartment so it could be used for Slayer business or...whatever else. It would be there, as he'd promised them. With the accounts he moved everything into he would continue to keep the rent paid, and do it remotely. He had already made arrangements for the monthly transfers to take place automatically.

"Do you remember everything I showed you? How to use your e-mail and all?" Willow asked anxiously.

"Yes, Willow, I remember. You even wrote it down for me."

"Good. Right. I mean, I knew that..."

"Hey, be careful out there, G-man. Don't get too much sun," Xander joked predictably.

Then there was nothing left but for Giles to take a moment with each of them, and leave. There were more quips designed to ease the tension, there were hugs—Cordelia and Faith included, actually—and there were tears from Willow. Buffy wanted to cry so badly her throat ached, but she wouldn't. She'd known Willow would, and she didn't want to make this any worse for Giles. Not that she blamed Willow at all.

They were out at the edge of the courtyard as the last of all this happened, and through the gate Giles's car sat ready to go. Buffy was the last to latch onto him, and he held her even longer than he had that morning.

"How's your wrist?" she asked quietly.

"It will be all right shortly." He paused. "I wish there were another way to do this."

Buffy swallowed hard, and she hated that her voice was unsteady but she didn't know when she would be able to speak to him again. "Just...what Xander said. Take care of yourself. Do that e-mail thing when you can. Remember that you promised you'd come back, and come back. It'll happen. We'll do everything we can fro, this end."

"I know you will."

When he pulled back there were tears on his cheeks, and Buffy laughed a little in spite of herself. "Hey...I'm the one who's supposed to do that. I'm the girl."

Giles choked off a laugh and swiped at his face. "I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention."

"It's okay..."

He nodded once, and he bent to kiss her forehead and then he let her go. He looked over her shoulder at the others, who crowded up around her now, and there didn't seem to be anything else to say. The goodbyes had been said. Giles smiled bravely, and he broke away from them and turned down the sidewalk for his car. When he got there he opened the door and turned back once, and waved before he got in.

Then he got in, and he drove away, and it was too dark to know if he had looked back again. They watched him go, and when the car disappeared that was that. They all just stood there for a while, in a close clump, as if just standing that near to each other would keep them from falling apart. The strange thing was that it actually seemed to kind of work. When that broke up, the other Scoobies tried to make sure that she was all right, but Buffy wouldn't have any of it. She knew they were hurting enough anyway. She didn't want to bother them. She hugged Willow to make sure _she_ was all right, and then she went home. Buffy dodged her concerned mother and shut herself in her room, and only then did she let herself cry. She cried herself to sleep.

She was getting really sick of doing that.

* * *

Giles drove for a couple of hours before it hit him. Then in a matter of minutes he was crying too hard to drive. Not that a crash would have killed him, but his poor car wouldn't have taken it very well. He was forced to pull off to the side of the road to let it pass, though it didn't help when he realized he wasn't far from Los Angeles, and that there was one more goodbye to see to.

He'd called Lily sometime that day, and found out that she would be at home tonight, but Erin would be working late. It worked out just right that way, that he could stop by to see Lily and say goodbye without disturbing Erin. Unfortunately he had spoken to Lily much less since the last time he had been in this city, and usually only when she called him for fear of Erin being the one to answer when he called.

Rupert _wanted _to talk to her, badly, but if she didn't want to talk to him he wasn't going to press the issue. And she had not yet said anything to Lily about that changing.

Someone was going into the building just as he approached the front doors of the building, and he went in behind them before the door could close so he wouldn't have to use the buzzer to contact Lily to let him in. Giles thought it was such a good idea—to give her a little bit of a surprise even though she knew he would be there sometime that night. It would make her happy, and her smile might make his world seem a little less dark.

But then Erin answered the door instead of Lily.


	29. Chapter 29

I finally had another break from school and some time to write! Yay! I hope ya'll are still around and that this is still turning out interesting, lol. I can't wait to hear what you think! Detailed reviews or ideas or anything constructive is always welcome. Thanks so much! I couldn't do it without ya'll!

Chapter 29

Erin just stared at him for the longest time, wide-eyed, and Giles didn't know what to do. He stood rooted to the spot until he was able to collect himself and opt for retreat.

"I'm sorry; it was supposed to have been only Lily here. I-I uhm...I didn't mean to-to bother you. I'll go..." He turned quickly, but he had only taken two or three steps before she spoke up behind him.

"Rupert, wait..."  
He paused, though before he turned around he thought seriously about going on and not stopping. It would be better for her, in the long run, even if he didn't want to do it.

But he couldn't do it.

When he turned around Erin just looked at him for another moment or two, until finally she took a slow step or two toward him. Then she was moving faster, and her hands had taken his arms, and she was kissing him. Rupert responded before he understood what was happening, and by the time she had broken away he still didn't understand at all.

"Erin...?"

"I'm sorry. I had to do that before I changed my mind," she told him, squeezing his arms where she still held them.

Giles blinked at her a few times, his head shaking slowly in confusion. "I don't understand."

"I was starting to think I would never see you again."

He raised an eyebrow. "I was uhm...under the impression you wouldn't have minded that at all," he answered painfully.

Erin swallowed, and let go of him. "I thought so too, at first." She crossed her arms and glanced around them down the hallway in either direction, before nodding to her open door. "If we're going to talk about this, you should probably come inside."

"I'm not so certain that would be a good idea..."

She backed inside and waited anxiously. "Please? I know I've hurt you; I just want to explain. If you want to leave after that I won't stop you, but at least let me explain."

It only took a split second to know that he wanted to go in, but it took longer to nod in agreement and follow her inside.

"The way you acted was completely understandable..." he began.

"Maybe," Erin sighed as she shut the door. "But I should have given you a chance."

"Erin—"

"No, just let me finish. Listen, I...I was scared. I-I didn't want to talk about you, or even think about you. I wanted to pretend it never happened. I wanted to pretend I had never seen anything—that I didn't know anything I hadn't known before. I just wanted everything to go back to normal, but I...but then I missed you. By the time I realized that it was too late. Or I thought it was. Lily had given up mentioning you, and I didn't know how to bring any of it up. I didn't know if contacting you would do any good; I didn't know if you would even speak to me..."

"Of course I would have. I am now, aren't I?"

She grimaced. "I ignored you for so long. I was afraid again. I was afraid you would be angry with me."

"Angry?_ You_ should be angry. I didn't tell you what I was."

"Oh please, Rupert, I hardly could have expected you to just tell me something like that. Would you really have told me if I hadn't found out? Ever?" He couldn't answer that, and she huffed once. "Of course you wouldn't have told me. But as insane as this is, it's not as if I can blame you for that." Erin groaned and rubbed at her temples. "God, this is such a mess."

"I'm sorry," he told her quietly. He didn't know what else to say.

She looked at him. "For what? I hardly think you chose to be..." She motioned wordlessly, finishing with, "what you are."

Rupert swallowed hard. "A vampire. I'm a vampire, Erin. I never wanted you to need to deal with that. You shouldn't have to. I shouldn't have let myself get so close...I _know_ how dangerous it is. Even before this happened to me. Things happen, and people are hurt, and—" He cut off, because he knew he wasn't only talking about Erin and Lily anymore. He blinked back the beginnings of tears. "I'm sorry. All of this could have been avoided if I had never gotten involved. It's my fault, and I'm sorry."

Now Erin's eyes were damp. "And what about Lily? Where would she be if you had never tried to help her? Where would _I _be? If you had never gotten involved I would have died in that alley that night."

Giles couldn't answer, again, and Erin came to him and took his arms again. "I didn't want to listen, really, but I did _hear_ everything Lily tried to tell me those first few days. I know you're different...that...that other vampires don't have souls, but you do. I know you really are the man I always thought you were."

"W-well, I..." But he didn't know how to continue.

Erin looked up at him, in something akin to hopeful amusement. "How about this? Right out of the oldest book there is: I'll forgive you if you can forgive me."

After a moment or more Rupert managed to nod, and the relieved smile came of it's own accord. "I would like that very much."

* * *

When Buffy opened her eyes they fell on the clock on her nightstand, and she realized she had only been able to sleep for a couple of hours. It wasn't even midnight yet, but there was no way she was going to be able to go back to sleep. With no other acceptable idea of what to do with the rest of the night, she climbed to her feet, gathered a few stakes, and went out the window. Granted, there was no reason to do that anymore, but old habits died hard.

The cemeteries seemed abandoned at first, and in the first few she had no luck. She switched to parks, and in the second she hit the jackpot. There were four of them, and they all noticed her at the same time. By the time they noticed her one of them was dust, of course, but that still left three to grapple with—plenty to keep her mind occupied. Buffy fought harder than she needed to, but that was what she wanted tonight. It could be dangerous to do it, but she let it drag out, and once two were down and she spun for the other one...it was gone.

Or so she thought.

"Buffy!"

She sensed movement only inches behind her, and twisted again as she felt the small breath of air from the implosion of a vamp into dust. The cloud was already floating ground-ward by the time she laid eyes on it, and Angel stepped through it with a particularly peeved expression on his face.

"What are you doing!"he demanded.

"I'm on patrol; what are _you_ doing?"

"Keeping busy."

"Same here."

Angel glared. "You're being reckless. That vamp almost had you."

Buffy shrugged and started walking, with the intent of continuing the patrol, and he followed her. "So? I would have had _him_ if you hadn't swooped in there. I knew he was behind me."

"Not until about the same second he was going for your neck."

"You worry too much," she sighed, trying to brush it off. Angel reached for an arm and brought her to a stop. She had no choice but to look at him.

"You're upset."

Now Buffy glared and pulled her arm away. "I've been upset for two weeks; I have every damn _right_ to be upset."

"But _not_ to get yourself killed," he growled back.

"You're not my mother."

"No, but I do love you."

It slipped out before he knew he was going to say it; that much was apparent from the look on his face a second later. He looked away apologetically—though not, she assumed, because he thought she didn't want to hear that, but because they both knew that was something of a forbidden subject now.

Well, right now she didn't give a damn.

Buffy's throat clogged again before she could remind it not to do that. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's—I ah..."

She moved in and wrapped her arms around him, and that silenced him. Angel returned the embrace more than willingly. Though she didn't dare look up just yet for fear of bursting into tears before she could get the lump in her throat under control, something in the way he held her made it abundantly clear that he was trying his best to comfort her—that he knew she needed it, and maybe even more than she'd needed it last night, or this morning.

Because now it wasn't just the dread of it; now Giles really was gone.

When Buffy was sure she wouldn't cry if she didn't want to, she pushed up on her toes and kissed him. Angel only responded a little before he drew his head back, as if realizing what he was doing. "Buffy..." he said, in a warning tone.

"What?" she murmured.

He didn't sound completely convinced himself, but he continued. "I know last night we...but this is probably not—"

What he was trying to say was right, of course, but she was upset and exhausted, yet sleepless, and she had no willpower to agree with him right now. Buffy kissed him again.

"Shut up."

* * *

Rupert and Erin were on the couch, attempting to begin that catching up thing people seemed to be so fond of doing. Giles knew he would have to be on his way, but for this was nice. He was certainly more than glad that she was actually speaking to him.

"Where _is_ Lily?" he asked at one point.

"Normally she's home by now, but she's probably just running a little late. It's not unheard of. Or her schedule could have changed. That happens too; it's why I'm here tonight, instead of still at the shop."

"Ah, I see..."

And that was when the front door burst open and Lily hurried in. When she saw the two of them sitting there she stopped in her track halfway through closing the door behind her.

"Oh," was all she managed to say at first."

"Hello, Lily," Rupert nodded.

"Yeah, hi, I..." She fish-mouthed for a moment before stumbling on. "E-Erin, I'm sorry. You weren't supposed to be here, I mean—"

Erin held up a hand. "Lily, it's all right. We uhm..." She glanced back at him, and then back to Lily. "Rupert and I have come to an understanding. We're fine."

"Are you sure? Really?" Lily asked hopefully.

"_I _certainly hope so," Giles said. He stood, and Lily broke into a smile and came to hug him.

"Thank god," she was saying. "It was hell with you two not talking."

"What held you up?" Erin asked.

"I know, I know, I was supposed to be here an hour ago, but—oh!" Lily jumped up once, in excitement. "I was late because I went to talk to Marvin! They're going to take my offer!"

"Oh Lily, that's wonderful!"

Giles blinked in confusion. "Offer?"

Lily grinned. "I found a place, farther downtown. It's kind of a bad area, and it's a little small for a shelter, but it's big enough. It's perfect to start out. It's places like that that need a shelter, anyway."

"A place for a shelter? You're moving on this already?" he asked incredulously.

"I know, it seems so fast; I never thought I'd find a place big enough for a shelter that I could afford a down payment on this soon. I thought it would have to be another year or two, at least, but this place has been on the market so long the owner just wants to get rid of it. See the bit about it being a bad part of town. Isn't it great!"

"Well, of course. I'm more than happy for you, but...will it be safe? Will _you_ be safe?

Lily managed to calm down enough to take a living room chair, but leaned over her knees toward him eagerly as she continued. "The project's not even completely off the ground yet, but thanks to a few of our friends from work, I've already got a few supporters behind me. There have even been some small donations, with promise of more once I found a place and got it running. As cheap as I found the place I've already got enough to bar the first-story windows and put a gate over the door after the down payment. I should be able to keep up the rent and bills after that—"

"But she won't be alone," Erin smiled. "I plan to help all I can, financially and otherwise, and I think we already have a few volunteers willing to help there if this works out."

"This is going to work," Lily said firmly. "If it's working out this well so far, it must be meant to be, right?"

Rupert smiled. "I hope that's the case. I'm rather impressed." It only took a moment of thought before he pulled his checkbook and a pen from his jacket.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm certainly not going to miss an opportunity to invest in a good cause."

Lily shrugged. "You don't have to; I just wanted you to know."

"It's more difficult to write when you're talking, Lily." From the corner of his eye he caught Lily exchange a glance with Erin, and they both remained silent, though smiling to themselves. When he was done he tore it out and folded it in half to hand it to her. "Now—"

He was about to tell her not to look at it until he'd gone, but she'd already opened it.

And her eyebrows hit her hairline.

"Wait a minute, this is—"

"All I can do, and I want to do it."

"But..."

Erin held out a hand, and Lily handed the check to her. Her eyebrows went up too. "Rupert..."

He smiled a bit. "It isn't going to hinder me in any way, if that is what you're worried about. I promise."

"I thought you were a librarian," Erin protested.

"It's...more complicated than that."

"Obviously," Lily added.

"If you're going to complain, I can just as easily tear it up."

She let out a breath. "N-No, I uhm..." She took it back from Erin, looked at it again, and slowly put it into her pocket. "Thank you," she said sincerely. She got out of her seat to hug him again where he sat, and Giles returned the embrace happily.

"You're welcome. I'm excited for you, Lily, and I'm proud of you. I only wish I could be here to see it all come to fruition."

She pulled back, and ended up sitting on her heels in front of the couch. "What do you mean?"

"I'm afraid I can't stay."

"You mean you have to go back to Sunnydale. Well, just come back and visit again once we're up and running."

"I don't know if I'll be able to. You see, I'm not going back to Sunnydale; I uhm...I came to say goodbye, actually."

"Goodbye?"

"Goodbye?" Erin echoed in dismay.

Lily got back up into her chair quickly. "What are you talking about? What about everyone you have there? You said they were like your family..."

Rupert smiled sadly. "They are. I would stay if I could, but I can't. It isn't...safe, anymore, there. Not for me."

"I don't get it."

Erin rested a hand on his arm. "Please, _what_ are you saying?"

Giles sat silently for a long moment, and finally he sighed. "The both of you know enough already; I suppose you deserve to know the rest. I don't see any particular reason not to explain."

"Explain _what_?" Lily asked.

He looked at her. "Do you remember when you were in Sunnydale?"

She shifted uncomfortably. "I'd rather not...but yeah."

"Do you remember the girl who saved the lot of you?"

"Of course I do. Buffy, I think..."

He nodded. "Yes. Her name is Buffy Summers, and...that is as good a place to start as any."

* * *

Buffy wasn't sure how long she and Angel had been standing there in the park, locked in each others' arms, but the sense of movement behind her snapped her out of it quickly enough. She broke away from Angel and spun, pulling out her stake, and Angel went on the defensive at her side.

But it was only Faith, also with a stake raised, and both of them lowered their weapons when they realized who it was they'd just run into.

"Faith."

"Yeah. Am I interrupting something?" the other Slayer asked, raising an eyebrow.

Buffy glanced at Angel sheepishly. "Ah..."

"No," Angel finished quickly. "I was just leaving, actually."

"Right. 'Cause Faith and I can handle patrol."

"Right. And we can uhm...that conversation..."

"Later," Buffy nodded quickly. Not that there had _been_ much of a conversation, but she was aware that they probably needed to have one.

"Right," Angel said again.

"Okay..." Faith trailed in amusement.

Then Angel was gone, and Buffy exchanged glances with Faith. "Couldn't sleep either?"

"Not really." She looked like she wanted to say something else, and yet didn't _really_ want to...and then she said it anyway, not looking at Buffy. "I mean...he's the first of the male species I've ever known who didn't screw me over somehow, you know? The whole vampire thing took some getting used to, but...G's a good guy. This just kinda sucks."

Buffy swallowed, and nodded in understanding. "Faith..."

But the other girl shook her head, and tossed her stake in the air and caught it again. "I'm done with the talking thing; let's just get going. There have to be more vamps around here somewhere."

"We could always hit the docks. It's on the other side of town, but there's always plenty of game."

"Sounds perfect."

* * *

Giles told them everything they might need to know to understand the situation. He explained that Buffy was the Slayer, and what a Slayer was. He told them that he was her Watcher—or had been—and explained the Watchers' Council as best he could, and the job that he'd had in aiding Buffy in the fight against evil. He told them about the small group of friends that had gotten involved in the business of the Slayer, and the small family they had formed. Without going into any details about Angel or Angelus he told them what had happened to him—how nearly eight months ago now he had been killed and turned into a vampire against his will. He explained a bit more about the fact that he did have a soul unlike other vampires, thanks Willow and Buffy and the others.

Then, of course, came the part about the Council discovering the truth about him, and what it had led to. By the time he was done it was much later than he'd realized. Erin sat in stunned silence, and Lily had long since jumped up to pace angrily.

"So...what, they won't even give you a chance?" she questioned.

"It isn't a question of that," Rupert answered carefully. "They _know_ that at the moment I am myself. But there is always the chance that that could change." He hadn't explained the curse—the catch. It wasn't something he wanted to go into.

"How? Could the spell they used...I don't know...fail or something?"

He winced. "In a manner of speaking. There is a way for it to happen, but I know what it is and I know how to avoid it. The Council knows that as well, but my existence is a risk they are unwilling to take. I'm afraid that is the simplest way to explain it."

"So they just ran you out of you home? God that is so _stupid_," Lily fumed.

Giles shrugged sadly. "I'm not going to disagree with you."

"I'm so sorry, Rupert," Erin said, speaking up finally. "I'm not sure I know what else to say."

He let a hand rest on her arm. "You needn't say anything; I only wanted you to understand why I can't return. If you didn't hear from me again I never wanted you to think I'd abandoned you."

She looked at him for a long moment, and Lily was quiet. She came back to her seat and sank dejectedly into it. When Erin spoke again it was the last thing Giles expected to hear.

"Stay here."

He blinked. "What?"

She turned to face him more, and took his hands. "At least stay for a few days. We're so close to Sunnydale they would never expect you to stop here, if they're looking for you—these Council people. It's perfect. I know it can't be a permanent solution, but it could work for a while."

He began to shake his head immediately. "Erin, I don't want to put you in danger—"

"Would they hurt me or Lily if they knew we were hiding you?"

"They...well, no, actually; they can't harm humans purposefully..."

"Then what are you worried about?"

Lily sat forward anxiously. "She's right; I don't think they'd look here. It's too close. They'd expect you to get as far away as you could if you were running from them, right?"

"I-I suppose..."

Erin looked at the clock. "You have to stay until tomorrow night anyhow; it's too late now and you wouldn't get far before dawn. You don't have to answer now. You have until then to think about it."

He looked back and forth between the two of them, and relented. "All right. I'll stay until tomorrow night, but I can't promise anything more. I'll consider it."

"It's not a _bad _idea, is it?" Lily asked.

"No, no, certainly not. I wouldn't consider it at all if it were. I'm just not convinced it's the _best_ course of action."

"But you'll stay until tomorrow."

Giles nodded once. "I will."

* * *

For days nothing new happened in Sunnydale, and every day no one from the Watchers' Council showed all Buffy could think was that it was one more day Giles could have been there.

The library was an alien place now. There was a new sub, and she was just as annoying as the last one. Giles was gone, and his weapons and books were back at his apartment, and the library was no place for the Scoobies anymore. Willow deleted the computer program that kept the maintenance reports circulating and disappearing, and when the substitute believed nothing to be wrong she quickly had the tarp over the skylight removed and the indoor décor changed. There were no more dark curtains and the main lights were still used regularly during the day despite the sun from the skylight. It was much too bright in there now. It hadn't even been that bright in the old days, when Giles was human. It was just strange.

The gang tried not to be gloomy, but it didn't always work. Sometimes they just were. Gloomy. That part wasn't fun, but life went on. They were okay, but...

And then it happened.

One day late the week after Giles left Buffy was in the lounge at school with Will, Xander, and Oz, while Willow went through her recently-received early admission packets from half a dozen or more schools that Buffy could never even hope to get a tour of. Willow was understandably happy, but a bit overwhelmed. She didn't know which one to choose. Buffy was happy for her, but she didn't want to think about college and that it likely meant the separation of the Scooby Gang. After losing Giles for now, it was too much deal with.

"I feel your pain, Will," Xander was saying. "Like right now, I'm torn between the fast-growing fields of appliance repair and motel management. Of course, I'm still waitin' to hear back from the Corndog Emporium, so—" He crossed his finger on both hands and made a mock hopeful face.

Buffy had to smirk at him. Xander, at least, was still cracking his usual jokes. That helped.

"Well I think its great," she said, trying to remain cheerful. "Early admission. Now there's nothing standing between you and a brilliant future."

Oz broke in. "Well if I may suggest, graduate. Getting left back, not the thrill ride you'd expect."

That was when Cordelia approached, dressed in as little as she could away with at school, as seemed to be usual lately. "That's so cute. Planning life as a loser? Most people just turn out that way, but you're really taking charge," she shot at Xander.

Cordelia had been rather mild for a few days after Giles left—almost friendly. Apparently the honeymoon was over.

"The comedy stylings of Miss Cordelia Chase, everyone," Xander joked uncomfortably, squirming in his seat. "Who uh, incidentally, won't be needing a higher education when she markets her own very successful line of hooker wear."

Buffy expected a retort, but Cordelia only rolled her eyes and shifted her attention to the girls. "Whatever. I just _thought _you might like to know that there's some weird new guy in the library. I think Snyder found that permanent replacement."

Willow made a face. "Great. Just what I wanted: another librarian I won't want to make friends with 'cause it'll remind me too much that Giles isn't here."

"It's okay, Willow," Oz said gently.

"No, you don't get it; I'm _always_ the librarian's pet. Ever since kindergarten."

Xander nodded. "She does not exaggerate."

"But now that whole aspect of my life is just _poof_, out the window. I may _never_ feel like befriending another librarian. It's just sad."

"It's probably not gonna help that this guy's British too," Cordelia commented.

Buffy blinked up at her. "He's what?"

"British. Or so I've been told. I haven't actually been in there yet; I've just heard the talk. Now if you'll excuse me, I have better things to do."

Cordy left, and Buffy scowled to herself. "Crap."

Xander's eyebrows went up. "You don't think it's—"

She was already getting to her feet. "That's exactly what I think."

"Buffy—" Willow began.

"You guys might want to stay here; I'm not sure how ugly this is gonna get."

Xander jumped up now too. "Whoa, whoa, one step at a time."

"Sure. Step one, I find the guy; step two, I deck him."

"Buffy, we don't even know if it is the guy from the Council," Willow reminded her.

"At the very least I need to find out."

"O-o-okay, agreed, but how about we cut out the violence part. Remember graduating? You can't graduate if you're expelled. Again. A-and chemistry. You need to pass your chemistry test tomorrow. You should come to my house and study tonight. I can help. Chemistry's easy. It's a lot like witchcraft, only...only less newt."

"I'll be there, Will, but right now there's something I have to do."

Willow let out an uneasy breath. "Okay, just...no violence. Okay?"

Buffy sighed. "Fine. But I do need to go set a few things straight."

"Want any help?" Xander asked. He was already glaring at the guy, and they weren't anywhere near the library yet.

"I've got it, but if anyone wants to find Faith for me you could do that."

"Uh..."

Buffy didn't wait for any more answer than that. She made a beeline for the library and went in all no-nonsense to find a thin spectacled man in a suit and tie unpacking two or three boxes that sat on the main table. She stopped a few feet away from said table before she spoke.

"Who are you?"

He looked startled as he glanced up. "Oh! I, uhm, well, I am the new librarian of this establishment, obviously. And you might be?"

"A concerned student," she answered flatly. He didn't seem to know what to say to that. "You're English," she observed.

"Yes. Yes, I am. Wesley Wyndam-Pryce." He came forward and held out a hand, but Buffy just stared at it and finally he awkwardly let it drop again. "Yes, well...did you need something? I'm afraid I'm not quite oriented yet, however—"

"What brings you to America?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"You're from England. So what brought you here? I'm sure being a high school librarian in southern California can't be more exciting than anything you could do back home in the mother country." She knew wasn't doing a very good job of playing the part of a genuinely curious student—in fact, she was well aware that she was coming across positively icy—but she didn't particularly care.

He blinked rapidly, flummoxed. "I-I, well, it's...different; a change of pace, I suppose. I uhm—"

"Yeah, you might want to work on that cover story." Now it was coming out more condescending.

"Excuse me?"

She glared at him. "Hi. I'm Buffy Summers. Clued in now?"

Wesley's eyebrows shot to his hairline. "Oh! Miss Summers. Of course. It's very nice to meet you..." He tried to hold out a hand again, but again she stared him down and he dropped it. "Of course you, uhm, wanted to be sure of who I was before you revealed yourself. Very good. I'm glad to see you're on the ball." He leaned forward as if sharing a great secret. "A good Slayer is a cautious Slayer."

Buffy leaned back, more than a little weirded out. "Uh huh." She deliberately took a step back. "Look, let's make something_ really _clear. You are _not_ my Watcher, and you never will be. In case Travers failed to inform you, I quit. Faith did too. You're only here because the Council wanted a watchdog, and that's all you get to do. You don't get to give me advice, you don't get to train me, and you sure as hell don't get to get in my way. Is that clear?"

Now the new guy really was stumped. "I-I-I...I..."

"Good."

The double doors opened again, and Faith was the one to enter now. She stopped a few stopped in and eyed them both. "New Council guy?"

"New Council guy," Buffy confirmed.

Faith rolled her eyes and reversed to leave again. "Screw that."

Buffy gave Wesley Wyndam-Pryce one last meaningful glance. "That's pretty much what I was saying." And she followed Faith out, leaving the new librarian frozen in shock where he stood.

Willow, Xander, and Oz weren't far down the hallway, waiting. "So it was him?" Will asked.

"It was him," Buffy said in passing. She followed Faith though, until she caught up to the other Slayer out in the courtyard. "Faith, wait."

The other girl stopped by the fountain and swung around . "They gave him G's old job?"

"So it would appear."

Faith crossed her arms irritably. "Okay, _please_ tell me that pisses you off."

"It _does_, but what can we do about it?

"I don't know; scare him off?"

"They'll send someone else."

Faith gave a disgusted grunt. "Fine, then at least use the guy for information. We still don't know what was up with the vamp with the swords last night; maybe he has some book that knows."

"It's an idea, but we have plenty of books of our own; that's what Giles left them for."

"Sure, but I'd rather have some geek do the research for me than do it myself."

"You've _never _done research."

"Exactly," Faith smirked. "You shouldn't have to either. We're Slayers, girlfriend; the chosen two. Why should we let a little needed information take the fun out of it?"

Buffy raised an eyebrow. "Oh that'd be tragic—taking the fun out of slaying, stabbing, beheading..."

Faith smiled and started walking again. "Oh, like you don't dig it."

Buffy shrugged and followed her. "I don't."

"You're a liar. I've _seen _you. Tell me staking a vamp doesn't get you a _little_ bit juiced. Come on, say it," she challenged. Buffy opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Faith laughed. "You can't fool me. The look in your eyes right after a kill; you just get hungry for more."

"You're way off base," Buffy sighed.

"Oh yeah? Then what have the past few days been about? We've both been pretty pissed, and you've been right out there with me workin' off the steam. Tell me it's not therapy."

She wanted to disagree, but she couldn't. "I don't know..."

Faith shrugged. "Hey, slaying's what we were built for. If you're not enjoying it, you're doing something wrong." With that she broke off, and Buffy called after her.

"What about that info?"

"You get it! I'll show up for the action."

* * *

One day turned into several, and Rupert knew he should have been long gone, but Erin and Lily didn't press him about it. He slept on the couch and during the day when they were gone he cleaned or cooked or otherwise made himself useful. They spent the evenings together, and he could almost forget how much trouble he was in. He'd said nothing of his plans to them because he didn't know. He didn't have any. Well...he had plans, but at the moment the ones that included leaving Los Angeles weren't of much interest to him. Maybe they were right; maybe staying here for a while really was a decently strategic idea.

If Giles had to admit the truth to himself, the only reason he hadn't agreed aloud was that part of him felt almost as if he would be betraying his family in Sunnydale, if he stayed here for any length of time. He'd left them. What right did he have to find another family so quickly? At all? He struggled with it, even though another part of him knew that was ridiculous thinking. The rest of the Scoobies still had each other; if he didn't stay here, he had no one.

None of them would blame him for wanting this.

Just as Giles knew he couldn't blame Buffy for wanting to be with Angel.

When dusk came he'd ducked out of the apartment looking for a walk and time to think. He'd been cooped up there for days, and it wasn't that he minded at all but there was something he had to do, too. More than one something, actually. He was coming back now, and it was late. The night was typical of Los Angeles—loud and too many lights in some places and not enough in others. He'd forgotten how familiar it had become, though he'd only been there for three or four months.

Giles detoured through the parking lot first, to leave the supplies he'd come back with in the cooler in the trunk of his car. As long as he kept it supplied with ice from the corner store, it worked fine. There was no reason to bother Erin with keeping its contents upstairs. Maybe she had supposedly accepted what he was, but he didn't want to push her any farther out of her comfort zone unnecessarily.

He cared too much to do that to her.

Rupert had hardly gotten through the door before he found his arms full, and he realized Lily had latched onto him.

"You're still here!"

"Wh-what? Of course..." He looked for Erin, hoping for a clue. The television was on and she was curled on the couch with a mug of hot chocolate, and the crumpled blanket beside her told him that was where Lily had been. Erin said nothing, but he caught a small smile of relief on her face before she turned back to the movie and pretended to be uninterested.

He knew she wasn't.

"We thought you'd left," Lily told him. "We got home and you weren't here, and you didn't show up."

"I wouldn't leave without letting you know," Giles assured her. He gave her a gentle squeeze and then pulled her away to look her in the eyes. "I wouldn't; I promise. Unless there's some sort of emergency you'll know before I go anywhere."

"You mean if they found you..."

He winced and let his arms drop. "Yes, that would most likely be the emergency. Anyhow, I uhm...I'm sorry. I only needed a few things, and I found the library. I had to send a message, and I'm afraid that took a bit longer than I'd care to admit. I'm still not particularly friendly with this confounded electronic mail..."

Lily laughed and dropped back onto the couch, and Erin stiffled a giggle too. "I know; we need a computer in here. It's on my list of things to afford," she said with a grin.

Rupert chuckled. "Well, it was good to get out. I do enjoy being here, but one simply needs air occasionally, whether or not they breathe it. I'm sorry I didn't think to leave a note; I must have been thinking about something else when I walked out."

Erin calmly took a sip of her drink and nodded. "That's understandable."

He moved to a chair and sat, but they were still looking at him, and finally he sighed. "I'm sorry," he said again. "Barring the night I arrived I know I haven't been very forthcoming. I didn't say anything because I wasn't sure what I was going to do."

"You _weren't_? Are you now?" Lily asked gently.

He shrugged. "I'm as sure as I can be, under the circumstances. The way I see it, if the Council was going to find me here they would have done it by now. I figure it will be quite a while before they come back around to checking here, if indeed they ever do. Perhaps you and Erin are right; I should take the opportunity to stay in one place for a bit."

Lily was thrilled, but she was forced to head to sleep soon after, thanks to an early shift the next morning. Rupert and Erin were left alone, and when she moved into the kitchen with the mugs she and Lily had been using he followed her. He took them from her and started to wash them himself.

"You don't have to—"

"If I'm going to stay here any longer I might as well earn my keep."

"Rupert, you've earned more than your keep with what you did for Lily alone."

"That was—"

"_And_ you cooked three times this week, and I think every inch of this place has been scrubbed half a dozen times over."

He focused on the mug and sponge in his hands and shifted on his feet uncomfortably. "It's...keeping busy."

"I see that."

She wasn't budging, but he didn't say anything until he was finished washing the two cups and he had set them in the dish drainer by the sink. "I miss them already. I missed them before I left," he admitted quietly. Once he'd dried his hands Giles turned around and leaned back against the counter, and Erin did the same beside him. She seemed to be waiting for him to continue, and eventually he did.

"I suppose if I'm honest with myself...perhaps I was able to leave, but only just—only because it was necessary. I uhm..." He laughed weakly, "You and Lily...being able to stay here is probably the best thing to happen for me in a while. I may be out of Sunnydale but I don't think I'm ready to go any farther yet. It's the same reason I was stuck here this summer..."

Erin smiled. "Now I know why you're so good with Lily—you have teenagers of your own."

"Four, to be exact. The fifth comes and goes. Or, actually, she was the fourth, but—well, I don't suppose that matters."

She chuckled, but then she was serious again. "Do you worry about them? Even though Buffy is, uhm..."

"The slayer?"

"Right."

Rupert grimaced, and he had to nod. "She knows what she's doing. I don't need to worry about her in that sense, and I told her as much, but...she as well as the rest of them...they do have a knack for finding trouble. Or it finds them."

* * *

At first she couldn't move, but when Faith finally managed to drag her to her feet and away Buffy suddenly couldn't move fast enough.

"Come on, we gotta go!"

_Go where?_ Buffy wondered silently. But she moved, and when they reached the end of the alley Faith went one way and she went another. She climbed a fence, dropped down on the other side and kept running. The last two days or so was all a blur, and the only thing she saw clearly was the face of the man that had just died in front of her.

God, what had they gotten themselves into? This wasn't fun anymore...

Faith had been right about one thing; she did enjoy slaying, sometimes, to a certain extent. Buffy didn't like to admit it but it was true. It was a good way to let off steam, and she'd needed that recently. In the past two days alone she'd blown off a study session with Willow, snuck out a window in the middle of a chemistry test to help Faith take out a vamp test, been arrested with her fellow Slayer for attempted theft of weapons, and escaped before even making it to the police station by causing the police cruiser run off the road. And now...

It had happened so fast. She'd managed to get the info they'd needed out of Wesley—whether he was eager to please or just following the Council's orders to help them she wasn't sure—and it turned out that the vampire with the swords had been part of some ancient cult that at one time had served the demon Balthazar. Balthazar was supposed to be dead. No luck there, of course. The demon was alive and in Sunnydale, and sending his minions to look for some amulet of his that would restore his strength. Buffy had found the amulet and given it to Angel for safekeeping. She and Faith had been out tonight hoping to round up and dust more of the vamp cult members while planning a strategy for taking out Balthazar.

Then that man had come out of nowhere in the alley, grabbing her shoulder. Faith had thrown him against a dumpster and...and plunged a stake into his heart.

It was only then that they'd realized he was human.

Or...Buffy had realized it just in time, but Faith hadn't heard her when she shouted at her to stop. She hadn't noticed in time, and now a man was dead.

Now Buffy had no idea what to do. She would have gone straight to Giles, she thought, but she couldn't. He wasn't here and this wasn't something you e-mailed someone about. God knew when he would get a chance to check it anyway. In more than a week they had only gotten one message from him—a short one, a day or two ago, vague but enough to let them know he was all right.

_He should be here...oh god oh god, what do I do...  
_She stopped short when a shadow fell across her path, blocking the glow from the dim alley streetlights. "Angel," she said in surprise.

"Buffy. I've been looking for you." Then he frowned and glanced down, and reached out quickly to grab her hand. He held it up, and he didn't look happy when he saw the blood on it.

It wasn't her blood.

Buffy jerked her hand away and held it behind her back. Panic suddenly rose in her throat even though she knew she had nothing to fear from Angel. "It's ok." She should have told him, but she couldn't. Nothing came out.

Angel looked at her warily, but he continued. "I've just been at the warehouse," he said. He meant the warehouse Balthazar and his cult were using as a home base. "I was waiting for you. They got the new guy."

Buffy blinked. "Wesley?"

"Yeah...and I have a feeling the Council wouldn't be too happy if we didn't save him."

She grimaced. "Do we have to?"

"Buffy..."

"I know, I know," she agreed, distracted. "Let's go."

"Where's Faith?"

"She's uhm...she's not coming."

Within half an hour it was all over. Wesley was fine, Balthazar was dead, burnt to a crisp, and his minions were dust.

Then the demon opened his eyes.

"Slayer..." Buffy might have taken a step back if Angel weren't behind her, but he was there and she felt safe and they just stared, wide-eyed, as Balthazar smirked at them. "You think you've won." He wheezed out a laugh. "When _he_ rises...you'll wish I'd killed you all."

And he died.

Buffy glanced back at Angel, who was still vamped-out from the battle. He seemed as clueless as she was. Wesley, she noted with satisfaction, looked terrified, and now he owed her one. That much was good. It made the night a little better. Just a little.

But what the hell had Balthazar been talking about?


	30. Chapter 30

Okay, home from school for the summer and writing again. Yay! I would have posted sooner, I'm so sorry, but I saw X-Men: First Class a couple of weeks ago and have since been a tad bit obsessed with James McAvoy...LOL. He's just adorable. I am seriously considering a fic with a time-traveling demon who gets Buffy stuck in late 1962 or early 1963 for a while. Yes I know I am insane...but there's something kinda interesting there in maybe having the Watchers' Council think that mutants are all just people with some or a lot of demon in their heritage and Buffy having to explain to young Xavier and friends that no, seriously, demons are demons, not mutants and them having to tell her that no, really, there are mutated people not related to demons and wait vampires are REAL? It could be fun. :P Throw in lots of angst and action, of course, maybe some romance...if anyone is curious to possibly read and doesn't think I'm totally crazy let me know...

So anyway, if you want to let me know your opinion of the above proposition, that would be GREAT, and please do review if you're still with me on this one! THANKS! :)

Chapter 30

"Miss Summers? Uhm...Miss Summers!"

Buffy finally slowed to a stop. "_What_, Wesley?"

She was having a bad enough day already. She felt sick. Faith refused to really admit to what had happened last night, and top of that now the body had been found. It had been all over the news in the wee hours of the morning. Faith claimed to have dumped the deputy mayor's body, but it washed up. Of course. Because that was just Buffy's luck lately. It didn't help that she had no idea what the hell to do about any of it.

She really did not need Watcher redux nipping at her heels.

Wesley pulled up beside her and maneuvered the both of them off to the side of the hallway. "It's just that, well, I'm certain you've seen the news—"

"Not so much. I'm not big on it."

"The murder of the deputy mayor? His body washed up early this morning? Reports are saying that it appears he was stabbed by a wooden object and I find that bit strange, don't you? I thought it might be prudent to investigate the issue."

"It sounds like a human crime, Wesley, which isn't our jurisdiction."

"Well it certainly wasn't a typical one, and it might be—"

"I really don't think so."

His eyes squinted a bit in frustration. "I was only suggesting—"

Buffy's jaw clenched in anxiety. "Well don't suggest! Look, I saved your life because it's my _job_, not because I like you. Thanks for the info on the vampire cult guys and all, but under normal circumstances I don't want your help, and I don't want your advice. I don't want you here at all."

She stormed off before it got any nastier, but ran into Faith on the way on the way to her locker.

"What's up, B?"

"Nothing." She shoved a few books away and started to grab what she needed for homework tonight. She was seriously thinking about actually doing some of it, if it would get her mind off of...well, everything.

"What'd Freak of the Week want?" Faith questioned, leaning against the next locker nonchalantly.

Buffy paused long enough to look at her seriously. "He was attempting to suggest that we look into the death of the deputy mayor, if you must know."

She thought she saw a flicker of...something...flash across Faith face. Fear? Remorse? Pain? But then it was gone and the other slayer quickly schooled her features and shrugged. "We've got nothin' better to do."

Buffy just stared at her. "You and I both know it doesn't need investigation." The school day was over and the halls were emptying, and she was whispering now.

"Why not? It gives us an excuse to look into the guy. You wanted to know why he came looking for us anyway, didn't you?"

"I-I uhm...yeah, but..."

"Okay then. See you tonight."

Faith split before Buffy could protest, and she had no choice but to meet her that night to assist in breaking into the town hall to search the deputy mayor's office.

Yeah...she really didn't like this at all.

Faith was the one who had insisted they come, but she was one to quickly bore of what they were doing. Less than a minute in the office and she was ready to leave, just as Buffy discovered that the man's files were gone and suddenly became more interested. But there was nothing else in the office out of the ordinary or interesting besides the missing papers, and they left soon after that.

Things got considerably more interesting when they saw Mr. Trick with the Mayor in the process of escaping from the building.

"So the mayor if Sunnydale is a black hat," Faith commented once they were safely back on the street. "That's a shocker, huh?"

"Actually, yeah. I didn't get the bad guy vibe off of him."

"When are you gonna learn, B? It doesn't matter what kind of vibe you get off a person, cause nine times out of ten the face they're showing you is not the real one."

Buffy slowed to a stop. "I guess you'd know a lot about that."

Faith stopped ahead of her and turned around, shrugging innocently. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It's just, _look_ at you, Faith. Less than twenty-four hours ago you _killed_ a man...a-and now it's all zippety-doo-dah? It's not _your_ real face and I know it. Look, I know what you're feeling because I'm feeling it too."

Faith snorted disdainfully. "Do you? So fill me in cause I'd like to hear this."

Buffy swallowed. "Dirty. Like something sick creeped inside you and you can't get it out...and you keep hoping that it was just some nightmare but it _wasn't. _And we are gonna have to figure out—"

"Is there gonna be an intermission, in this?"

Buffy glared for a moment, and then forced herself to keep a straight face. "Faith, we have to tell someone what happened."

"Oh, you mean someone like the police? Wesley Wanna-Be, maybe?"

"If we don't do the right thing it's only gonna make things worse for you."

"Worse than jail for the rest of my young life? No way!"

"Faith, what we did was—"

"Yeah," she interrupted. "_We_. You were right there beside me when this whole thing went down. Anything I have to answer for, you do too. You're a part of this, B. All the way. Look, we're not bringing anybody else into this. You gotta keep your head, B. This is all gonna blow over in a few days."

"And if it doesn't?"

Faith shrugged again. "If it doesn't? They got a freighter leaving the docks at least twice a day; it ain't fancy, but it gets ya gone."

Buffy couldn't believe what she was hearing. "And that's it? You just live with it? You see the dead guy in your head for the rest of your life?"

Faith smirked, but Buffy saw right through it. What she couldn't understand was why faith was insisting with this...attitude. And then it almost disappeared, just for a moment. "Buffy, I'm not gonna see _anything_," she said more seriously. "I missed the mark last night and I'm _sorry_ about the guy, I _really_ am, but it happens." Then the attitude was back. "Anyways, how many people do you think we've saved by now? Thousands? And didn't you stop the world from ending? Because in my book that puts you and me in the plus column."

"We help people! It doesn't mean we can do whatever we want."

"Why not? Guy I offed was not Gandhi, I mean we just saw—he was mixed up in dirty dealings."

"Maybe, but what if he was coming to us for help?"

"What if he was? You're still not seeing the big picture, B. Something made us different; we're warriors; we're built to to kill!"

"To kill demons! But it does not mean that we get to pass judgment on people like we're better than everybody else—!"

"We are better!"

Buffy stared at her. More of this crap? She was really going to go back to that now, just to reason this away?

The other slayer nodded. "That's right, better. People need _us_ to survive. In the balance, nobody's gonna cry over some random bystander who got caught in the crossfire."

Buffy swallowed again, but her voice still cracked when she answered. "I am."

Faith let out a breath and turned to walk away. "Well, that's your loss."

* * *

"This is small?"

Lily laughed. "For a shelter, kind of. I think it's perfect, though."

Giles had to nod. "Even from the outside, I would have to agree. It's quite a nice-looking building, actually." The building was white and had two stories, and he and Lily and Erin stood across the street having a look at the future home of the East Hills Teen Center.

"I love it," Erin smiled. "As long as you can make it safe, I think it'll work wonderfully."

"And the condition on the inside?" Rupert asked.

Lily shrugged. "It seems fine. I wish I could have someone look at, but that's still a little outside the budget at the moment. I have seen older reports though, from when it was first put on the market. It was fine then, and the owner's kept up basic maintenance."

"I could have a look before the sale is final. Granted, I have no credentials, but I should hope I would be able to spot any warning signs."

"That would be so much better than nothing." She let out a breath. "There's so much to do. We need furniture, and a sign...we'll need the bars on the doors and windows and a decent stock of food and blankets at the very_ least_ before we can open the doors for the kids...I mean, thanks to donations we can _do_ it; it just has to get _done_."

Erin put an arm around the girl's shoulders. "I know, sweetheart, but don't stress yourself. It'll get done. You're doing a good thing here."

"I can be up here at night—help continue to set up while the two of you get your sleep," Giles added.

"Then when will _you_ sleep?" Lily questioned.

"I don't need much, and what I need I can get during the day when the both of you are at work and I'm alone in the apartment anyway. There isn't much else to do, I'm afraid."

"Except wash the dishes half a dozen times over," Erin ribbed. "I swear, one day you'll wash them away to nothing." He smiled weakly, and she squeezed his arm. "You know I'm only teasing."

Rupert nodded, still smiling so he wouldn't grimace.

He wondered when missing Buffy and the others would get easier.

"I-I uhm...my only other concern is vampires," he said finally. "This will technically be a public place, open to those in need of a place to stay. I'll need to do some research; find a way to keep them out anyway. There may be a spell, or some way to make it clear only the living are invited inside without it seeming strange to the public or raising eyebrows."

Lily frowned. "What about you?"

"Well I would assume that whatever I find I would be able to pass through if specifically invited, just as with a home."

"Okay...I guess that makes sense. Yeah, whatever you can do then...thanks."

"Of course."

* * *

As if things couldn't get any worse, there was a detective at Buffy's house when she returned. She lied, because she didn't know what else to do.

As soon as the man was gone, she ran to Willow's house. She told her friend everything, because she couldn't keep it all to herself anymore.

"And Faith acts like she doesn't even care. The way she talks, it's like she didn't even make a mistake."

Willow's eyebrows went up. "Do you think she's like, in shock?"

Buffy let out a breath. "I don't know. I want to believe that's all it is...that she doesn't really believe what she's saying, but...I just don't know."

Willow nodded. "Buffy, I wish I knew what to tell you, but I don't. I'd tell you to go to Giles, but...or, well, I mean, I guess you could try to contact him. Maybe you should."

Buffy shook her head quickly and firmly. "No. No, I can't do that. This isn't something you _e-mail_ someone about, a-a-and if he found out you know he'd get back here as fast as he could. We can't risk that. With Wesley here it's not safe for him to come anywhere near Sunnydale." Her shoulders drooped. "We're on our own on this one. Or...I am." Then she stood quickly, swiping at her eyes to make certain they were dry. "Look, it's late. I should go."

Willow caught her hand. "You're not alone, Buffy."

She blinked back fresh tears and tried to smile at her friend. It came out in more of a grimace. "Thanks." She sighed and though for a moment, and then squeezed Willow's hand before letting it go. "Will, can you do me a favor?"

"Of course."

"Can you call Xander and Oz and have them meet us at Giles's place after school tomorrow?"

"Can't you just tell them _at_ school tomorrow?"

"No. We don't need anyone eavesdropping. You know who I'm talking about."

Willow frowned. "Right..."

Buffy left, not sure what to do next. She could go home and try to sleep, or...

Her mind was made up for her when she ran into Angel on the other side of Willow's bushes. She bounced off of him with only a surprised grunt, and fell back a step or two. She just stared at him for a moment, not particularly surprised to see him. Angel stared back, of course, in that way he had.

"How much did you hear?" she asked finally.

Angel had the decency to look sheepish. "All of it."

"Brilliant."

"Most of it I didn't need to hear. I've been looking into this myself and I had some kind of idea of what had happened. I was looking for you anyway and I found you just as you got here."

"Thanks for eavesdropping," she deadpanned.

"I'm sorry...I was worried. And I'm trying to do what I promised Giles I'd do here."

The corners of Buffy's mouth quirked up a little. "Watch out for me?"

Angel shrugged. "Keep you safe, keep you out of trouble..." He trailed off and scowled worriedly. "This is a big deal, Buffy."

"I know, I know..." She grimaced and rubbed at her temples. "I wish I knew what the hell to do about it. If it makes you feel any better I was considering heading to the mansion next. Without Giles around I don't know anyone else but you who would even have a clue about how to deal with this."

"Do you want me to keep an eye one Faith?"

Buffy sighed. "I really hate the idea that somebody might need to, but yeah...you probably should, just in case."

Angel nodded, before pulling her into his arms. "We'll figure this out," he told her. "If we take it slow, we can help her if she'll let us."

"Where do we start?" she asked against his shoulder.

"Like I said, I'll keep an eye on her, discretely. We don't push her, don't judge her...we'll see if she comes around on her own. If she doesn't...let me talk to her. I've been where she is."

Buffy slowly pulled back, not wanting to, and nodded. "Okay...okay." She swallowed back a lump in her throat. "I don't want to lose anyone else, Angel."

"Hey...Giles will be back."

"Someday. Somehow. But he's not here now. I don't want to lose Faith too, especially if it ends on bad terms. I just...I don't think I could handle that right now." And Angel was probably the only person she could admit something like that to.

"Then we'll have to be careful; not scare her off."

"Yeah..."

* * *

Buffy was going to kill him, Xander thought. Strangely enough, that was the only thing he could think right now. If he got out of here alive Buffy was going to kill him. Willow would probably help. Giles would definitely help if he ever heard about this. He _was_ the one who had ever-so-seriously extracted the promise that Xander would be careful in the future.

Why did he never listen?

Then again, he hadn't expected danger here. He hadn't gone out _seeking_ danger. No, he'd only been guilty of the not-listening thing, but still, here here he was, about to be choked to death on a bed. Xander had always wanted to die in bed, but when he said that he meant of old age, in his sleep, a long time from now.

Yeah...Buffy was definitely going to kill him, for getting himself killed and for probably ruining any chance they had of helping Faith in one fell swoop because if he died here in the next few seconds Buffy would kill Faith as soon as she was done bring Xander back and killing him again.

So, the Faith killing somebody thing had been quite a shocker, but at least it had been accidental. Of course he hadn't expected danger when he came to talk to her. Faith was dangerous, of course, but demons and vampires. Not to people. Not on purpose.

Maybe this was just what he got for not trusting his friends. He'd just been ticked off that Buffy had shot down his offer of help in getting through to Faith after they'd all met at Giles's place that afternoon and Buffy had told them what was going on. Xander had thought that after what he and Faith had shared that night a couple of weeks back that maybe she, you know, cared about him. Somehow. A little. He'd thought there was a connection there.

Why the hell did he always get that kind of thing wrong? He screwed everything up with Cordelia and now this.

He'd only wanted to help. He tried to comfort Faith while not exactly _telling_ her that he knew what happened, told her it wasn't her fault, he was on her side...she shot him down. Then she threw him down. It was like she was crazy.

She was definitely crazy. He was pretty sure she wasn't choking him by accident.

Xander vision started to dim, and Faith was just staring down him, and he couldn't quite make out the expression on her face anymore. When it blurred it was almost as if he saw it more clearly. Pain and regret and horror and confusion and fear, but she wasn't letting go and he couldn't fight anymore. His arms fell still and everything got even darker and that whole life-flashing-before-your-eyes thing started to happen. Except it wasn't the life he'd lived; it was the one he might have lived if he hadn't screwed everything up. There were two of them, actually. There was one where he didn't screw it up with Cordelia, and she'd done more of that maturing thing she'd been working on before his mistake boomeranged her back to classic form. They both got older and were actually grown up and Cordy was less of ditz and more of the things he'd seen in her sometimes and they got married and had a family and told her rich family that didn't care about her anyway to go to hell.

Then there was the future where he'd actually figured out that thing about Willow early enough to avoid the whole situation he'd messed up in the first place. He and Cordelia never even thought about kissing in closets and he and Willow were together now.

But he'd never have either of those futures even if he wasn't about to die.

Everything went black for a moment and Xander thought that was it. He was dead. But he heard a faint clanging sound and then air was rushing into his lungs as he gasped and his eyes were wide open.

"Xander! Can you hear me?"

"Buffy...?"

"No. It's me." A blurry figure leaned over him and Xander frowned. It was Angel. "Can you breathe? Can you sit up?"

Xander concentrated on taking another breath first. It hurt, but it worked, and then he tried the sitting up thing. He got dizzy and Angel steadied him. He thought about pushing the vampire away but if he tried it he would probably topple over. And now he kinda owed the guy, so...okay, so Angel wasn't so bad maybe, but whatever.

"Xander?"

"Y-yeah, yeah." He coughed. "I'm okay. How did you...?" Then he saw the shovel on the floor. "Oh. Nice."

Angel made a face. "Not really."

Faith was now unconscious across the end of the bed, and Xander just stared at her for a while. "Damnit."

Angel nodded. "My thoughts exactly. I was hoping she wouldn't become violent and we could deal with this gently, help _her_ deal with it, but that's not much of an option anymore. We can't let her hurt anyone else."

Xander scrambled off of the bed because he really didn't feel like being there anymore. "What are you gonna do with her?"

The vampire thought for a moment. "I'll bring her to the mansion for now; try to talk to her. Maybe I can get through. Can you find Buffy and let her know? Are you up for that?"

He shrugged. "Yeah. I uhm...I can do that." He didn't really _want_ to though. Buffy still might kill him. But he figured Angel shouldn't leave Faith alone anywhere to go find Buffy himself.

"You sure you're okay?" Angel asked.

"Fine."

No, not really. But apparently they had bigger things to worry about right now.

* * *

Willow was surprised when Buffy sought her out that afternoon as they were all leaving Giles's place, and asked her to tag along on patrol that night.

"I just kind of...don't want to be alone, and...I guess we need to talk anyway," Buffy said.

They'd started to talk, the night before, or rather Willow had started to say something, about how she felt Buffy had been spending more time with Faith recently than the rest of them...but then Buffy had cried and there had been the crisis of what had happened in the alley with the deputy mayor and Willow had just been there for her friend. She'd listened, and she'd tried to help, though in the end there hadn't been much she could offer. But she'd been there.

Willow went with her now, and Buffy told her that she was sorry. She'd been upset the night before, but Buffy hadn't ignored what Willow had managed to get out of what she'd wanted to say before they'd moved into the Faith subject. Buffy knew she'd been doing it-spending more time with Faith and keeping her other friends out of anything Slayer-related.

"It was easier that way. Hanging out with Faith I wasn't alone to think too much, and I wasn't around the rest of you to be reminded of...you know, everything, from recently."

"Buffy, we're all unhappy. You didn't have to go through it by yourself."

Buffy shrugged as they walked. "But it wasn't just that. You were right last night. The fact that she's a Slayer too, and she understands what I go through...that had something to do with it too. I wasn't _trying_ to make you think I had some Slayers-only attitude going on; it just kind of came out looking that way. But I never had those thoughts, I promise you."

"I know that. I never really thought that; I was just ticked off. That's why I said what I said last night."

"Good...but anyway, I uh...either way, I admit I let it all get to me. I pretty much ignored you guys for a few days or so there. I shouldn't have let that happen. You're my best friends." Buffy stopped walking and made a face. "I got caught up, and look what happened."

Willow grabbed her arm. "Buffy, what happened is not your fault."

"It's not anyone's fault; it was an accident. But it still happened, and I still feel horrible about it, and I might be losing a friend because of it-" She cut off and cleared her throat, swallowing hard.

Willow was still trying to think of something to say when Xander ran up to them, calling Buffy's name.

"Sorry. Am I interrupting?"

"Kind of," Buffy told him. "What do y-oh my god, what happened to you?"

Buffy said this just as Willow gasped when she noticed the bruises forming around his neck. "Xander?"

She was angry with him. She really had not wanted to know that he'd lost his virginity to Faith, but it had inadvertently come out earlier that afternoon anyway. She was angry and upset, but not even Buffy knew that though they had been out here for a good couple of hours now. Maybe it would have come up if Xander hadn't interrupted them.

"I'm okay. I uhm...there's trouble. With Faith. Angel sent me to get Buffy."

Buffy's eyes were wide. "What kind of trouble?" she asked, eyeing the bruises.

As if noticing her gaze, Xander rubbed at his neck self-consciously. "W-well I kind of you know, went to just...to talk to her, and uh...she kind of...tried to kill me." He grimaced. "Angel showed up just in time. He knocked her out and he's bringing her back to the mansion...to talk to her I guess, try to get through to her and all..."

None of that was good. Willow looked back and forth between Xander and Buffy, and noticed and Buffy's hands were clinched into fists already.

"I _told_ you she wouldn't listen to you," Buffy said.

"Thanks; I got that now."

"This isn't funny! You made her angry somehow, didn't you? And she lashed out, and she didn't know what she was doing; she doesn't know what she's doing and you may have ruined any chance we have of helping her!"

"I was _trying_ to help!"

"What did you say to her!"

"Nothing! I just...told her I was there for her and...I don't know. It's all kind of a blur now thanks to the almost getting the _life choked out of me_, thank you very much."

Buffy huffed and swallowed, softening for a moment. "Are you okay?"

"I guess..."

Buffy nodded a few times. "Good. Now just...go home, Xander. You've done enough for one night."

"Look, I'm sorry..."

"I don't want to hear it right now." Buffy glanced at Willow apologetically and headed in the direction of the mansion, leaving Willow and Xander alone in one of Sunnydale's more central cemeteries.

Willow, who hadn't said a word through the entire argument, finally cleared her throat, but then could think of nothing to say. She started to just head home, but Xander called after her.

"Will?"

She stopped and let out a breath. "What?"

"Are you mad at me too?" he asked forlornly.

Yes. "I'm glad you're okay. I'm mad at Faith. Anyway...Buffy's right. We should just go home. There's nothing we can do."

Xander snorted. "Faith tried to kill me. I'm not all that interested in what we can do to help her cause right now."

"Okay, yeah...me either. But that doesn't mean Buffy's not right. Faith needs help, and you probably didn't make it any better."

"Okay! I'm sorry. What else do you want me to do about it?"

Willow twisted away and started off again, and she didn't plan on stopping this time. "Nothing, Xander. Just go home."

* * *

When Buffy made it to the mansion she went in through the courtyard, and found Angel pacing out through the doors. She waited just around the corner, not wanting Faith to see her yet. She didn't know the situation. She waited for Angel to find her, and he did.

"How's she doing?" Buffy asked.

"She's awake...but it's like talking to a wall. Only you get more from a wall."

"But you'll keep trying, right?"

"Sure. We're just getting started."

She nodded a little. "So what do I do?"

"Look, right now there's nothing you can do."

Buffy sighed. "Well, this could take a while, right? So I'll just go to Faith's, and I'll get some of her stuff." She could be doing _something_ that way, anyway. "That way she'll see that we're on her side." She was more than a little ticked off about the trying-to-kill-Xander thing, but she wanted to believe Faith never really would have finished it. She was scared and confused. And Xander had probably had it coming anyway. Okay, she didn't mean that, but...anyway. Buffy just didn't really know what to think right now.

Angel nodded. "That's a good idea."

"Okay. I'll be back." She started to move, but Angel stopped her.

"Look, I-I don't want you to get your hopes up, Buffy. I know how much this means to you and I will do everything in my power...but she may not want us to help her."

"She does," Buffy said firmly. "She just doesn't know how to say it." She had to believe that. She had to believe everything would be okay, because so much lately hadn't been okay.

"She killed a man. That changes everything for her." Angel went quiet for a moment, thinking. "She's taken a life."

"I know..."

"She's got a taste for it now," he said then, a little more pointedly.

Buffy didn't know what to say to that. She didn't want to hear it.

Angel winced. "But I know what it's like. I've been there."

"_You_ didn't-"

"But I remember what Angelus felt every time _he_ did. I did...anyway, I know what she's feeling. I'm hoping it'll help me help her-I'm hoping I can keep her from sliding any farther down that path. I'm hoping that if she knows that I know how hard it is, and that we're all here to help her, that she'll be more inclined to put in the effort."

"Yeah. That makes sense, I guess. If anyone can help her, you can."

Buffy just hoped that it wasn't too late.

* * *

The chains were chafing her wrists, and Angel's voice was becoming annoying. Or that was what Faith told herself as she tried to fight away the part of her that wanted to listen.

But why was she fighting it? Why did she always have to fight everything and everyone?

"Faith, you have a choice," Angel was saying. She wanted to believe she did, but she had only known one way of doing things her entire life-keep people distant, defend herself with sarcasm and appearing not to care...

She had been doing it for so long it was all anyone else knew of her. Would they even believe it if she tried anything else? There was no point anymore.

Angel was sitting on the low coffee table or whatever it was in the middle of the room, and he looked at her seriously. "You've tasted something few ever do." He stood and came closer, shrugging. "I mean, to kill without remorse is to feel like a god."

He said he understood what she felt. He'd killed before. Angelus had. Okay, so maybe he did know. Maybe he hadn't had a soul then, but he had one now. Still...how did that change anything? Faith was still who she was. She was a rebel with an attitude, always had been, and part of her wasn't so sure she deserved to be saved. Already, for long enough she'd felt almost guilty over how well Buffy and Giles and the others had treated her since she came to Sunnydale.

Faith launched up on her knees and pulled at the chains. "Right now all I _feel_ is a cramp in my wrist so let me _go_!"

"But you're not a god," Angel continued, crouching in front of her. He acted as if he hadn't even heard her, because apparently he had a point to get across. "No. You're not much more than a child. Going down this path with ruin you. You can't imagine the price for true evil."

Before she could stop herself, or really think about it at all Faith was smirking at him, whether she wanted to or not. It was default. "Yeah? I hope evil takes MasterCard."

Angel actually smiled a little at that, though she thought there was sadness in it. Strange that even as long as she'd been putting up this act for everyone she came across...she could still catch things like that. Was it a good thing? Or was it only making things worse? Part of her was annoyed. Part of her was relieved that she wasn't a completely heartless monster.

But what did it matter either way! There was no going back now...was there?

Angel stood, but only so he could move around to sit beside her against the wall. Faith, for the first time since she'd woken maybe an hour ago, was silent.

"You and me, Faith...we're a lot alike. Time was, I thought humans existed just to hurt each other."

Yeah...that sounded about right. Except for those few and far between people...the kind that she'd never met before Diana, her first Watcher...that had pretty much been her experience. Everyone was out to hurt everyone else, and she had always taken the brunt of it. Nice people got hurt. They got dead. Diana Dormer and Rupert Giles were two really good cases in point. Maybe Giles had gotten some kind of a second chance, but it wasn't like stuff like that happened often.

"But then I came here," Angel was saying. "And I found out that there are other types of people. People who genuinely wanted to do right. And they make mistakes. And they fall down. You know. But they keep caring. Keep trying. If you can trust us, Faith, this can all change."

So people like that existed. Great. Maybe she knew it and she could admit it, but that didn't mean she believed this particular group of people like that really wanted to help her now. Not after what she'd done.

She'd killed a man. She'd tried to kill Xander, though she didn't know why. Maybe Angel really did care, but like he said...he'd done stuff. He got it. But how would Buffy get it? Or the others? Faith didn't understand what was going on in her head herself.

Then again, Angel had said _us_. Usually there was more than one person in an _us_. Maybe somebody else cared. Maybe Buffy did. She doubted it was Buffy, seeing as Faith had tried to kill one of her best friends, but...she had to admit that part of her really wanted it to be Buffy. Buffy had only wanted to help, before the whole thing with Xander. Maybe she still...but no. Probably not.

"Us?" she asked. She already knew the answer; why not ask? That word was just a ploy. No one else cared.

But Angel nodded. "Me. Buffy. I can't say much for Xander right now, much less the others, but I'm sure they'll come around." Angel looked toward the back doors that led out into the courtyard. "Buffy went to get some of your stuff. You'll be staying here for a while."

Faith smirked again, but this time it was more amusement than sneer. "I will, huh?"

"Like I said, it's not that we don't trust you...but it's just that we can't trust you right now. Not until we're sure you're okay. We want to help, Faith, but it's our job to protect everyone else, too."

"From me. In case I go crazy again and start choking people in their beds."

"I hate to say it, but yeah. Pretty much."

She didn't know if it was anxiousness or hysteria or just because she didn't know how to else to react, but Faith laughed at that. Just a little. Then she laughed a little more, and after a moment Angel chuckled with her.

For a moment she let herself really think. She had done the easy thing all her life; acting badly, taking care of herself. Maybe, for once, it didn't have to be that way.

* * *

When Buffy made it back to the mansion with a bag of Faith's things over her shoulder, she let herself in through the courtyard and found Faith and Angel sitting quietly against the wall in the front entry. Faith was chained were Buffy had chained Angel when he first dropped back to earth, feral and untrusting from his stay in a hell dimension.

Strangely enough, the silence didn't seem uncomfortable. Buffy wondered what had happened in her absence.

"Hey," she said uncertainly. They looked up, and Angel got to his feet and excused himself, nodding toward Faith encouragingly. Buffy nodded back in understanding and waited for him to clear out.

"This is your stuff," Buffy explained then, setting the bag on the coffee table. She went to Faith and lowered herself to the ground to sit where Angel had been. She didn't say anything else just yet. She waited.

Faith was silent for a while, but finally she cleared her throat. "Is Xander okay?"

Buffy blinked in surprise. "Yeah...he'll be fine. He'll have those bruises for a while, but he'll live."

"Good." She paused. "I don't really know what happened there, B. I didn't really want to hurt him or anything but it was like something else wouldn't let me stop. Something inside me that I couldn't control; maybe that something sick that crawled inside me since I killed that guy."

"I knew you were making all that stuff up, to make yourself feel better, that stuff about not feeling anything. You felt what I did."

Faith snorted. "I'm pretty sure I feel worse than you do."

Buffy shrugged. "Okay...not arguing."

"You better not."

And then they were smiling at each other some, almost as if this were any other banter session on any normal patrol night.

But Faith's smile faded quickly, and she looked away. "I'm not going to jail, B. I messed up, sure, but it was an accident. I'm not purposely gettin' myself locked up for half the rest of my life for it. I'm not budging on that one."

Buffy sighed. "I guess I shouldn't have asked you to do that. I...I don't even know what _is_ right, in a situation like this. Yeah, you killed somebody, but if you weren't a Slayer an accident like that never would have happened. And it's not your fault you're a Slayer. So I can't tell you want to do, and I have no moral high ground. I just want to help, but I don't know how. If not turning yourself in...what else is there to do?"

Faith shrugged. "Like I said...I could just get gone. At least for a while, until this all calms down."

Buffy opened her mouth to protest, but Faith cut her off.

"You know I can't stay here. I think there's this detective that knows something."

Buffy swallowed. "I know...he was at my house too. I got the same vibe." She let her head drop back against the wall. "I just wanted to think we could get through this without another one of us being run off, and for what?"

"Well, hey...I wasn't wrong about the fact that we're awesome, whether we're _better _or whatever or not. Maybe we've been selfish keepin' all the greatness in one place."

She let herself laugh once. "Sure...I guess." Buffy fell quiet and thought about it. She didn't want to. She was rather pissed off that Faith had almost killed Xander, but she still cared. She wanted nothing more than to fix everything, but again it looked like that wasn't going to happen. "There are plenty of things out there waiting to be slayed," she said finally. "You could do a lot of good out there."

Faith nodded a bit. "Sure." Then she held out her wrists. "Now ya mind if we get these things off?"

Buffy eyed her for a moment or two before she answered. "If you really want us to trust you again maybe that should wait until tomorrow."

Faith huffed in annoyance and slumped back against the wall, but it wasn't overly vehement. "Fine." Then she looked at Buffy sideways and smirked. "This is payback 'cause I'm cooler than you."

"Push your luck and you'll be there longer," Buffy told her, raising an eyebrow. But she smiled.


	31. Chapter 31

IMPORTANT NOTE: There is now a music video based loosely on this story, with the same title, on youtube that I have recently completed and upload. My name on youtube is ChristianGateFan1. There aren't any comments yet, but then again I haven't had a chance to let ya'll know about it. I can't wait to see what you think! Read the summary first; it explains what I did with the video vs the story.

Anyway, I hope to hear from ya'll on this chapter too. Thanks for being so patient with me! All right, now that this is up I off to work on the next chapter of the X-Men First Class crossover...good night everyone!

Chapter 31

Buffy went straight to the mansion from school the next day, glad that it was finally the weekend. What a week it had been.

She found Faith on the couch in the main room, staring absently into the fire. She'd changed since last night, and her bag was now on the floor.

"Out of the chains but still under house arrest, huh?"

Faith didn't look up; she only shrugged. "Under your orders."

"Yeah..." Buffy rounded the side of the couch and dropped onto it near the other Slayer. "How are you doing?"

Faith shrugged again. "Sam old, same old. I would assume that the same could be said of you, what with the having to go to school thing. Glad I got out of that a long time ago."

"It wasn't so bad today. Or it wouldn't have been if I hadn't spent all day avoiding our new British stick in the mud." She let out a breath. "We _have_ to make sure we keep him out of this. If he finds out _anything_ and he tells the Council...I don't want to think about it."

"Don't know what they'd do and don't want to know, huh?"

"Pretty much."

"Solid plan. Let's not know."

Buffy winced, and then fell silent for a minute or two before she spoke again. "So...what about you? What are your plans?"

Faith's eyebrows went up at her. "I was pretty sure we'd settled on the me-leaving thing."

"I-I know. I know that. I know there aren't really any good alternatives, I just..." She shook her head. "Do you really have to go with the ship thing? If you have cash you could just get on a bus."

"You got something against cargo ships?"

"No, but...well, sort of." Buffy hesitated before going on, and when she continued it was more quietly. "They usually end up pretty far away."

Faith looked at her sharply, and her expression softened for a moment. "Look, B..." She stopped and looked away. "I was thinking about the bus thing, anyway. I figure I've got enough to get into LA and pick another bus from there—however far I can get, which is...yeah...closer than anywhere I'd get by ship. I mean farther away would be better, but I was just thinking how the water's not all that great this time of year. Too cold, and all that."

Of course, the sea was always cold. So Faith cared too. She didn't like the idea of leaving any more than Buffy liked it. That was encouraging.

"Definitely way too cold," Buffy agreed.

* * *

Xander couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Wait, so that's it? Faith tries to kill me and she gets to just walk?" He braced his hands on the back of Giles's couch, looking at Buffy incredulously. "You can't be serious."

Buffy glared at him from the middle of the living room, where she stood because apparently she didn't really feel like sitting down just now either. They'd gathered here again this afternoon for Buffy to give them an update on the situation with Faith, and so far it had been mostly shouting.

"We'll keep her at the mansion for a few more days and keep an eye on her to make sure she's not dangerous to anyone. Then yes, she's leaving—because she has to. What more do you want?"

"I don't know! Something else!"

"_You_ provoked her, Xander!"

"But _she_ didn't let go!" If the mirror was telling the truth, the bruises around his neck looked pretty nasty now that they were fully developed. His parents had hardly noticed, of course. Now that Xander thought about it, maybe that was why he was so adamant. It had been one of the most terrifying experiences of his life, that whole thinking he was going to die thing...and it didn't seem to matter to anybody. He glared right back at Buffy. "Does nobody care that I almost _died_?"

Her expression softened, and he was almost surprised. They were all wound pretty tight, and he almost hadn't expected that. "Of course I care."

Willow piped up quietly from the couch below him. She looked up and had to twist around to meet his eyes. "Xander, we care. We do. But...as angry as we are at her right now, we have to care about Faith, too. She's...I mean, I guess she's one of us. Or she _was_...I don't know..."

It wasn't that he didn't know all of that. He just didn't like it. Faith had made a fool out of him, used him, and tried to kill him whether she'd wanted to or not. Needless to say, he wasn't very fond of her right now.

"I know, I just..." Suddenly he couldn't glare at his friends anymore, so he glared off into space.

"She deserves a second chance as much as anyone," Buffy said gently.

"What about a third or a fourth or a fifth chance?" Xander asked dryly. But he wasn't only asking about Faith anymore, and he figured Buffy knew that when she smiled some.

"Those too."

Xander wondered if he was ever going to get over this being-an-idiot thing.

At least he had the friends he had.

* * *

When Buffy left later that afternoon, Faith stayed where she was on the couch until she couldn't stand it anymore. Angel came in around about the thirty-somethingth time she'd paced around the main room of the mansion.

"You got anything to _do_ around here?" she complained.

"I have books."

"I was never much on the books."

Angel shrugged and sat on the couch himself. "Sorry. When I'm not out or sleeping or training, that's pretty much what I do."

"No other entertainment whatsoever? You don't have a TV? A boardgame? A deck of _cards_? Give me something here."

He just looked at her from where he sat, while she continued to move about. "Need to take your mind off something?"

Faith glared at him. "What the hell kinda question is that?" But she gave up on the pacing and dropped onto the other end of the couch. Angel moved closer, and she looked away but she didn't scoot away. "What?"

"So you're leaving."

"No choice; been over that with Buffy more than once. Otherwise I'd have the cops on my ass. Besides, you know, with me on the move we can share the Slayer resources; I can help people out there, and all."

"But do you want to?"

Faith looked at him sharply. "Well...yeah. Sure. I mean, isn't any decent person supposed to want to help people? Or at least not mind it?"

"What matters, Faith, is if _you_ want to."

Of course she wanted to. She wanted nothing more, but after her past she didn't know where to start—how to do things different. Even if she wasn't completely able to admit it to herself, she _wanted_ to do thing differently.

Maybe what had happened with the deputy mayor had flipped her around so good because it made her afraid that after that it would be so much harder to get to where she wanted to be. She'd panicked. She was beginning to realize that maybe she'd freaked out on Xander because she was terrified and angry and wondering if there was any point in trying to turn around anymore—not after killing a human being.

Suddenly Faith was more serious. She still wouldn't look at Angel, but she gave him a straight answer. "I want to." She didn't know how to put the rest into words, and she wasn't sure she wanted to. There was still that part of her that firmly believed that if one got all touchy-feeling feelings-sharing that it was a sign of weakness.

From the corner of her eye she saw Angel nod. "Good. And I believe you do." He paused. "I also know why."

"Yeah?" she challenged. She pulled a knee up to her chin nonchalantly and glanced at him.

"You want to make up for what happened, Faith. Believe me; I know the feeling."

"Haven't we been over this? You killed scores of people, you feel awful, end of story. We've all heard it before. Really sorry, and all that."

Faith fell silent, and so did Angel, but Angel didn't move or concede to ending the conversation. Finally he spoke again. "Are you going out there to do good, or are you running away?"

She wanted to do good, yeah...but there was the running away part too. She opened her mouth, but realized she wasn't going to answer without lying. So she shut it again, and Angel waited. Finally she let out a grunt of frustration. "Both, okay? Are you happy now?"

"Are you?"

"What the hell _is_ this? Are you a shrink now?"

Angel shook his head. "I just want to help. And just so you know, the fact that it's both is okay. As long as the good part is in there, you can work through the rest."

Faith was silent again, for a long time. There was always going to be that part of her that clung to her past and the way she used to think things were everywhere. There was always going to be that part of her that didn't want to say anything to anybody, and she knew there would still be plenty of times that she wouldn't.

But right now, she had to ask.

"Do you think I can?" she asked quietly.

"Can what?"

"Work through the rest of it." Faith hesitated, and pulled her other knee up in the interim. "Do you think I can make up for any of it?"

Angel looked at her for a long moment. "That's what I've been trying to do for a long time. But me...I did so much more than you ever have, or ever will. You're nowhere near where I was, and you won't be. If _I_ have a shot...and I've been led to believe that I do..." He smiled a little. "I think you've got a hell of a lot better one."

* * *

"So what's the verdict?"

Giles looked up to find Erin at the foot of the stairs he was about to go down, in the building that would becoming Lily's shelter. Lily and Erin had both been at work all day, but Lily had left him the newly acquired key and he had come as soon it was dark enough. He'd given the interior of the building a cursory inspection, and drawing from what he did know he believed the building to be in good shape.

He told Erin as much as he took the stairs down to her. "It all seems perfectly all right to me. I still hold to my hope that this place will work quite well for Lily's purposes."

Erin smiled. "_Our_ purposes, now."

"Of course. But what are you doing here? I thought you would want to get home and rest after such a long day. I was more capable of handling this on my own."

She shrugged, and they both walked out into the main room on the first floor. "I wanted to see how it was going."

But she wasn't telling him everything, and Rupert knew it. "Erin? Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," she said quickly. "I mean, I just wanted to make sure that it was going all right. That the building was all right, I mean..."

"It's fine."

"You said that."

Giles looked at her curiously. "Were you afraid it wouldn't be?"

Erin look at him for along moment before she answered. "I was afraid _something_ would go wrong. I still am."

"I don't understand. Why?"

She let out a breath and looked away. "I just want this to work out for her so badly, Rupert. I don't think you could understand how much."

He took her shoulders and looked at her until she looked at him again. "Try me."

Erin brought a hand up to wrap around one of the hands on her shoulders. "Me, I've...I've wasted my life. Until I took Lily in I'm not sure I ever did a single thing of any value. With this shelter she has a chance to make a difference. So do I." She swallowed. "If this doesn't work, Lily isn't the only one who'll be crushed. I don't particularly feel like going through that myself, and I certainly can't let it happen to her."

"I don't want that to happen, either."

She smiled. "I know you don't. That's why I...care about you, so much." Before she trailed off for a moment it seemed as if she might have ended that a bit differently, but Rupert couldn't let himself think about the possibility.

Erin sighed and rested a hand on his cheek for a moment. "You _are_ a blessing, Rupert Giles."

Giles didn't know how to respond to that, or even if he should. Instead he kissed her cheek and pulled her into his arms, hoping to comfort her—to let her know that it _would_ be all right. This would work. That was all he meant to do.

But Erin held on tightly in return, and when he tried to pull back she wouldn't let him. He looked at her for a long time, and it should have been time to think, but he didn't, and when she kissed him he wasn't ready. He certainly wasn't ready to resist her. No, he responded, and held her closer.

Then he realized what he was doing.

Rupert quickly broke lip contact. "Erin..."

"What?" she asked, a bit breathlessly.

"The last time we did this...it did not end well."

She smiled in amusement. "This time there aren't any extra vampires around to ruin it. There's just you."

Carefully he disentangled himself from her. "That could very well be more than enough."

"What are you talking about?" She caught his hands now that he had the rest of himself free.

Giles winced. "This is not a good idea." He was hoping he could keep it vague.

"Why? Just because you're different?"

He laughed once, with no humor. "_That_ is putting it in a wildly mild light."

"That doesn't matter to me, Rupert."

"You sound like a schoolgirl."

"What if that doesn't bother me, either?"

He pulled his hands away from her now too—not because he wanted to, but because that way it would be easier to convince her that taking their relationship any farther was a horrible idea. She looked hurt when he did it, but he had no other choice. "Erin, if we..." He grimaced. "You could be hurt, putting it very simply. I won't risk that."

She just looked at him, not giving up but not saying anything else for now, either. "Rupert..." she began finally.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I can't."

For a minute more Erin just stood there, until she snapped suddenly into action. She looked away quickly, and shifted uncomfortably on her feet. "I should go. I uhm...I should stop at the store."

It appeared that, what with its unsatisfactory outcome, she intended to act as if their conversation had never taken place.

"All right..." Giles answered uncertainly. "I'll uhm...see you at home?"

"Right. I ah...later."

Then Erin made her way quickly to the foyer and out, leaving Rupert alone in an empty room.

* * *

The bus station was dark and not extremely busy, but there was the occasional small group milling about waiting for the last departure of the night. It was going straight into the city, and that was the bus Faith would be boarding in a few minutes.

Almost a week had passed since the accident—since the deputy mayor's death. Buffy still couldn't get the small man's face out of her mind, and she knew it had to be worse for Faith. The rest of that week she had split her time between the rest of her friends and being at the mansion to keep her fellow Slayer company. Granted, Angel was always there—and he and Faith seemed to be getting on all right now—but soon enough she wouldn't be able to spend any time with Faith at all.

It didn't take long to be absolutely certain that Faith's willingness to change was genuine, even if she didn't know how to put it into words. It was something in her eyes, and what of it Buffy didn't understand Angel did. Buffy told the others, but still they had refused to come to the mansion to see Faith. Or, they weren't exactly adamant about it. They didn't seem overly angry anymore, and they never specifically said that they wouldn't come. They just hadn't.

"Do you think they'll forgive me? Someday, maybe?" Faith had asked last night.

Buffy had slowly let out a breath. "I don't know. I mean, they don't exactly completely hate your guts; it's not _that_ bad..."

"But they're not here," Faith finished with a shrug, looking away and pretending not to care.

Now she and Buffy stood in the swath of a streetlight next to the bus station building, waiting for the boarding call.

"You know, they've really quieted down on the search," Buffy said suddenly. "Maybe—"

Faith cut in quickly. "We're not changing the the plan now, B."

She sighed. "I know. I'm just not a big fan of the plan."

But she knew it was the only plan. It was safer this way. The search for the deputy's mayor's killer was a little less vigorous now, but no less present. It wasn't safe here yet, for Faith. It wasn't as if she could clear her name. It wasn't as if it wasn't true that she'd killed a man, accidental though it was.

When Faith didn't say anything, Buffy eyed her closely. "Hey. Don't forget the coming-back part of the plan."

She actually smiled a little at that, and met Buffy's gaze. "You worry too much, B."

"If another new Slayer shows up here, I will be supremely pissed."

Faith actually laughed. "And that is _definitely_ too much worry."

"I was just making sure you knew," Buffy answered, smiling back a little.

But Faith's attention was already elsewhere, and her smile was fading into an incredulous stare. "Huh," was all she said.

Buffy looked where she was looking, and her eyebrows went up when she saw Willow, Oz, and Xander approaching from the parking lot. "Took you long enough," she said when they were close enough. She expected the typical insolent retort from Xander, but none came. Instead he just shrugged.

"Sorry."

Willow spoke up, looking at Faith. "I know we've been...less than friendly, this week. We're sorry. We figured we should at least come and see you off."

"Thanks...but you don't have to be sorry or anything."

"We know," Xander answered immediately. "But it's, you know, the right thing, and all that."

Faith crossed her arms and smirked. "And you care?" Xander just looked at her, and Buffy wondered what was going through her mind—not to mention Xander's. After another moment or so Faith's shoulders relaxed some, and her posture was less defiant. "Look...I'm sorry too, okay?"

Xander only nodded in acceptance, but that was all that was needed. Willow seemed relieved, and Buffy knew _she_ was.

Willow cleared her throat quietly before she spoke again. "Faith, I uhm..." She didn't seem to know what to say after that. "Be safe out there," she finished lamely. But she seemed to mean it, and Oz nodded his agreement to the sentiment.

"Yeah. Thanks."

The boarding call echoed from the speakers overhead, and Faith bent to shoulder her bag.

"That's you?" Xander asked.

"Yeah." Faith paused and glanced around at them all, and Buffy thought she saw a tiny bit of a smile. "See you guys." She headed for the bus and Buffy followed her. The others stayed behind and let them go.

"Faith—"

"No getting mushy on me, B. You promised, remember?"

She shrugged guiltily and tried to smile. Maybe Faith wasn't her _best_ friend, but she was a friend. A colleague. Someone she'd sort of been able to talk to for a while there. After everything that had happened it would have taken a while to get back to where they'd been, but Buffy still hated to see her go. They reached the bus and Faith stopped by the open door.

"So here goes nothing, huh? Hey, if I run into G I'll tell him hi for you."

"Thanks." Buffy paused. "See ya."

"Yeah," Faith grinned. "Keep the place from blowin' up or anything til I get back. Think you can handle that?"

* * *

Things were different in the days after the conversation at the shelter building. Erin wasn't petty—she didn't go about angry or snappish or saying things to spite him—but Rupert could tell that she was more distant than usual. Everything was awkward between them now, and that was the very thing he'd feared. It was all civil, but it was all unbearably awkward.

On an evening two weeks or so later work was well under way on preparing the shelter, and Giles was walking Lily work at the coffee shop before heading over to the building to work there for the night. Erin was at home, and Lily seemed deep in thought for the first half of the walk.

"What's wrong?" she asked finally. "I _know_ something's wrong."

"Wrong with what?" he asked innocently.

"You know what I'm talking about. You and Erin have been...weird, recently. Not to me, but with each other. You're scaring the hell out of me."

Rupert blinked in surprise at the amount of sincere fear in that statement. "_Scaring_ you? What on earth do you mean?"

She stopped walking, and he was forced to stop too. "I mean..." she said. "I don't know. Just tell me what's going on."

He had to think about how best to answer that. "I um...I've just been thinking that, perhaps once the shelter is up and running that I should...maybe I should be on my way then." It wasn't a lie. He wouldn't abandon Lily while in the middle of this project, but he was beginning to think that it would be better if he left once it was through.

"Are you crazy? You can't! We need you here." The way she said it made him realize that idea he might be planning to leave was what had been scaring her about the way he and Erin had been acting.

"Once the shelter is running I won't be of much use any longer..."

"You know it's not about that," she said crossly.

He paused before he answered now. "I know," he said gently. "But I'm afraid Erin might not see it quite the same way anymore."

"_Why_?" Lily questioned. "What happened between you two?"

Rupert winced. "Nothing. However, that is precisely the problem. Nothing can."

"Why not? You're a vampire, not a robot."

"Yes, but it's much more complicated than that."

Lily was looking more and more discouraged. "I still don't understand."

"I don't think you want to," he told her quietly.

"What is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"It means, as I said, that it's complicated. I can't..." He trailed off and shook his head.

She crossed her arms and eyed him. "You can't what? Explain?"

"Among other things."

"Could you explain it to Erin?"

Giles made a face. "I would rather not."

"But if you were going to explain to one of us, could you explain it to her? Would explaining it to her make more sense than explaining it to me?"

"Well, yes, but—"

"Then explain it to her. Whatever the hell is going on, she needs to know."

"I've explained as much as I can."

"As much as you can, or as much as you want to? There is a difference, you know."

"I know that, Lily..." She continued to look at him, and finally he conceded. "All right, perhaps it was simply as much as I _wished_ to explain, but I doubt that she wants to hear the rest of it. Especially not now. She's already upset with me."

"So fix it!"

He winced. "Somehow I don't believe telling her what is wrong will make her feel any better."

"Well it's not her fault, is it?"

"No..."

"Then at least she'll know that much."

"I'd hoped she already knew that much. I did my utmost to make that part clear."

"Then why is she still so upset? I mean, know she doesn't exactly act like it—she's too nice for that—but I can tell. She's like a mom to me; I know her."

Giles shrugged helplessly. "I don't know. I don't know what else to do, really. What I would have to explain to make her truly understand...i-it involves the details of...of how I can be this way, with a soul, and...well, it isn't exactly pretty. There really isn't much of a tactful way to put it."

"She'll get over it. I really think she just wants you to talk to her. I think she deserves the truth, whatever it is. She's letting you live in her home, you know."

"Yes, I know...it's much of the reason I want to find a way to resolve this. If leaving was the only way to do that..."

"It's not," Lily said gently. "_Talk_ to her." She smiled. "We're almost there anyway; I can get the rest of the way on my own. _You_ go back home and talk to Erin."

Rupert looked at her for a long moment, debating. "I..." Eventually he nodded. "I will try." But he refused to head back before she was safely at work. He walked with her the rest of the way, and once he had Lily promptly made certain he turned around and got going immediately.

He went back, not sure at all how he was going to do this or how exactly he was going to explain the truth. Was this even the right thing to do? If he explained, Erin would know how he felt but would know that they could never be together. Was that any less cruel than letting her think that he cared about her, but not _that _way? It certainly seemed the best thing for her, but Lily was also right. She deserved the truth.

He'd spent the last two weeks debating between the two options, and now Lily had forced his hand and made the decision for him. Giles felt absolutely pathetic. What was wrong with him?

The problem was, he knew the answer. He simply didn't want to admit it to himself. If he admitted it; really admitted it...it would hurt too much. He didn't want to do that to Erin, but he couldn't let things go on as they'd been.

When he made it back to the apartment building Rupert hesitated a long time at the base of the stairs. Could he really do this?

He found Erin in the kitchen, standing at the sink and staring out the small window above it. She must have heard him come in, because she spoke. "I wanted to do dishes—do _something_—but they're all done."

"I'm sorry."

She stood where she was for another moment, her back still to him, but then she spun around. "I don't understand," she said. "I've spent days trying to figure it out, and I still don't understand. Would it really be that dangerous?"

Giles looked back sympathetically. "Yes, unfortunately. Though when I said that it was much more complicated than that I'm afraid I was being being truthful about that, as well."

Erin swallowed. "Then can you at least explain what you mean? You don't need to protect me. Whatever it is...just tell me."

Rupert crossed to where she stood, and gently took her hands. "Are you sure? I'm not entirely certain how best to explain it, but...I will try, if you want me to."

She squeezed his hands, and nodded firmly. "Please try."


End file.
